Reply #62: The best 'W in the afterlife' joke: [View All]

[IDemo]

Bush dies and goes to heaven to meet St Peter at the Pearly Gates. Peter looks at Bush, sticks out his hand and says, "Nice to meet you, Mr. Bush. We've been waiting for this day, welcome to Heaven." He goes on: "It's now our policy to allow people to choose whether they spend all of eternity in eith..." Bush, being the incredibly impatient man that he is, grabs Peter and slaps him on the back and says, "No, no, Pete, my man, I've already decided, I want to spend the rest of eternity here in Heaven with you and my homeboy Jesus. He and I got tight back in Midland." Peter is insistent, "No, George. We made an agreement with Lucifer that ALL newcomers must visit both Heaven and Hell for a day each before making their decision. YOU MUST VISIT HELL." As Peter leads Bush over to the elevator, he smiles kindly, shakes Bush's hand, encourages him to enjoy his stay in Hell and says he'll look forward to tomorrow when Bush comes back for his stay in Heaven.

Bush boards the elevator shaking his head, wondering why they're making him spend a day in Hell. "Why? I've done everything fine, confessed all my sins, quit drinking, ran for president - won! What's a little cheating here and there? - why couldn't they see I'll would want to be in Heav..." His thought stopped mid-sentence as the doors opened and he realised he was on a golf course on the most beautiful day he'd ever experienced. There was his daddy, Tom DeLay, Karl Rove, Bandar Bush, Kenneth Lay - all of his old buddies with beer in hand and each with some of the most bodacious, beautiful women on each arm that he'd EVER seen. "And this is considered Hell?" he thought. He stepped out of the elevator, introduced himself to the Devil and asked for a tour. They played a round of golf, enjoyed some more beers and the sight of all the nearly naked women running around chashing and picking up golf balls for them. He couldn't believe himself. He remarked to the Devil, "I don't see why anyone would ever want to leave this place." Lucifer just leaned back and laughed while sweeping his arm out, "Isn't it great? Blue skies, sunshine, women, beer and golf. What more could you want?" Bush just shook his head in disbelief.

Later that evening, the Devil came over and patted Bush on the back and said, "Well, Georgie, it's been great having you, but you have to go up to Heaven and spend a day there." Bush was insistent that he didn't want to leave. Why would he when he had everything he ever wanted here in Hell? Leave Heaven for Laura. He wouldn't need her here. The Devil was insistent, "YOU MUST VISIT HEAVEN." For he knew the wrath he'd experience from God if he didn't send Bush back.

Reluctantly, Bush boarded the elevator for the ride back to Heaven. Peter met him at the door again and asked how the visit in Hell was. "Great!" said Bush. "I don't see how you have anyone pick Heaven nowadays." Peter just chuckled to himself as he led Bush through the Pearly Gates. Here, everyone was sitting around on their clouds in white flowing robes, singing, talking in hushed tones and discussing ways to make the place better - for everyone. There was Mother Theresa, Ghandi, Nelson Mandela - all these wonderful people Bush hadn't given a second thought to. "B-O-R-I-N-G." thought Bush, "Why would anyone choose this lame place when they've got beer, sex and golf in Hell?"

At the end of his stay in Heaven, Bush approached Peter and said, "Hey man, thanks for the tour, but I really think I'll fit better in Hell." Peter shook Bush's hand one last time and put him on the elevator, laughing hysterically as soon as the doors were closed. Bush just couldn't wait to get to Hell. Bush just kept repeating things in his head: Sex. Booze. Golf. Sex. Booze. Golf. He started rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

As the doors opened he stopped in his tracks. No longer there was the golf course. Instead, he saw a dark, dank, smoggy city where his friends were stumbling past, eyes glazed from exhaustion as they wore disgustingly dirty rags and picked up a never ending trail of trash. Bush searched for his friends. Yep, they were all there though none had the energy to come over and welcome him in. They didn't care. The Devil sauntered over and slapped Bush on the back, "Welcome home, George." Bush looked at the Devil, stunned. "Yesterday ..."

"Yesterday," the Devil started, "You came down here and we all campaigned for you, promised you the world you've always dreamed about." The Devil started rolling with laughter, "Today, George, today you voted for us."