“Andrew Jackson Is Our Next Target,” Says Boehner [View All]

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After failing to convince the majority that the Republicans have the correct ideas for the country’s economic woes, John Boehner, in conjunction with other prominent Republicans, announced the new attack on Andrew Jackson. “It’s like this,” said John Boehner on the steps of the Capital Building. “In the early Bush years we blamed Clinton for everything. Then when people grew tired of that we blamed Carter; and recently we’ve started to pin our economic problems, plus the Great Depression on FDR. Well, the ‘Blame FDR’ campaign is not catching on with the general public.”

“So we are unrolling our new campaign to blame Andrew Jackson,” interrupted Senator Cornyn. “See, if it wasn’t for his anti-corporate views, this country would see that tax cuts are the only solution to our problems – that and letting corporations write the oversight laws.”

“It’s a well known fact that Jackson’s policies caused every depression in the last two hundred and fifty years," continued minority leader, Boehner. “We have to have more tax cuts and a much more favorable atmosphere for corporations. All of the Democrat’s ideas spring from Jackson! Now we do want to make one thing clear in the public’s mind - we are blaming Jackson for his economic policies - we have nothing against his Imperial President views, or nothing against the way he stole land from the American Indians.”

“Far from it!” yelled Cornyn. “We just learned our lesson from the past few years. Keep going back further in time to find a scapegoat, er ah, I mean, to find out who’s at fault.”

Rush Limbaugh, when reached for comment said, “Anyone who knows history, folks, knows this to be true.”