Reply #2: (I get to be BO?!!) [View All]

[Chan790]

four initiatives to save American prosperity.

1. Public Option Now In Economic Stimulus for All(PONIES for All), a initiative to spark economic growth by presenting a robust and comprehensive option which removes the single largest expense facing small business owners, healthcare premiums, thus encouraging hiring. Now some of you are asking "How will we pay for that?" Others are asking "Can I keep the coverage I have now?" The answer is simple to both questions, America. Yes, you can keep your coverage. We're going to fund it by levying a 100% tax on insurers against every dollar of premiums in excess of 120% of the public option premium. We're charging $1000 per insured per year. Aetna can charge whatever they want, but we're keeping every dollar over the $1201st. Suck it, Kaiser. Eat me, Cigna.

2. Tax Relief for the American Middle-Class (TRAM-C) Nothing encourages spending like putting money into the pockets of Americans. I am proposing a tax-cut for all individuals making under $85,000/year or families making under $150,000. Americans making under $40,000 will pay no income tax whatsoever. To fund this proposal, we will be creating two new tax brackets. Americans making in excess of $1,000,000 a year but less than $5,000,000 will now pay 41%. Those making in excess of $5,000,000 will pay 55%. That's not class warfare. There is no war, we already routed you. Now we're taking the spoils.

3. Employee-Leveraged Productivity Loans. Simply, if established businesses needs money to hire workers, after a complete audit to insure need and the health of the business, we will lend them that money on a 20-year unsecured loan at 3% with no early-payoff. The condition is simple...the job created can never be outsourced. If it is, we collect 200% of the loan amount plus 17.99% interest plus all profits gained from off-shoring those jobs. The rate will be 1% on jobs that reduce US reliance on limited natural resources and fossil fuels, conserve energy or other "green jobs". Can we put America back to work? Yes, we can!

4. I've saved the best for last. A $0.10 national lottery with a weekly winner. What does that winner get? They get to kick John Boehner in the teeth. Second prize gets to wallop Newt Gingrich's ass with a golf club. This won't stimulate the economy, it's just good for American morale. Because who doesn't want to kick John Boehner in the teeth? Hell, I'll buy the first 10 million tickets. Think they'll take a check? I don't carry that much cash on me.

This has been your President, America. Better days are ahead America. I promise you. Keep on rocking in the free world. Someday your children will say "What's a conservative?" and this will all have been worth it.