Its Late, But I Need Some Advice On Depression

[AutumnMist]

I had posted previously about my husband and I losing his mother. It was hard, she was an amazing and kind woman. The last four weeks have been a period of ups and downs dealing with her loss. She was my best friend in many ways and obviously the loss with her son has been very hard. My husband is in the throes of depression. He is going to see a counselor in the morning to help deal with the sadness he is feeling. But he is still so lost after all that has happened in the last three months. She had been ill for some time. What can I do for him? He isn't sleeping, he isn't eating correctly, and I am really worried about him. He is a quiet man, not one to talk for hours about how he feels. Its why he isn't sleeping. He went to bed at 6 am this morning. He hasn't been to work in a month. This is personal stuff, maybe I shouldn't be sharing this. But I feel like I should, I don't know what to do for him. I don't know how to ease the hurt that he is feeling. Any suggestions? Please send your best thoughts our way.....

[Bluebear]

1. You have my best thoughts.....

I had a terrible year last year because of several crises which all decided to converge at the same time. The election was icing on the cake. What your husband is going through is not necessarily rare or unexpected. Three months is not a lot of time to heal when you are shellshocked.

People advise folks to go to grief counselling etc...myself I believe in better living through chemistry when it is short term and appropraite. he might ask his doc for a mood elevater or anti-anxierty to get him over the hump.

Change is awful and although you feel alone now, remember my saying..Just when you think things are the darkest, they'll probably get worse. :) Bad humor, but I am thinking about you and write anytime you need to vent, OK?

[AutumnMist]

4. Thank You

I write this with tears in my eyes. Honestly. We have a family and I have tried so hard to pull it together for all of us. But when he is down...I guess all of us are down as well. The fact that you reached out as a friend is a wonderful blessing. Thank you.

[AuntiBush]

23. Same here Bluebear!

Sorry to hear about you're crises. Been there. And I couldn't agree more. Just when I thought I could take no more, the election took me down for the count again. And now, I'm feeling more terrorized by the extreme crisis-scare tactics and their extreme policy changes so wanting everything done "yesterday," when this country isn't over the shock of 9/11 and the Iraq carnage.

If you ever need to chat, please email me. That's why I joined this board. It's support for all of us, reaching out on the Internet from our living-rooms across the country.

[Nay]

30. I would like to urge the use of a prescribed mood elevator for

you and your husband. A couple of years ago our family went through some horrendous times; we all still had to get up, go to work, etc., and it would not have been possible for me without a sleep aid (Ambien) and an old-fashioned mood elevator (nortriptyline). I was on them for 3 or 4 months until my mind could process what we went through. I would recommend that road to anyone.

[accipiter]

2. Talking is good

And also getting out and doing things. Going into the country, into nature is always good for the soul.

Best wishes.

[AutumnMist]

5. We Have A Trip

planned for this weekend. We are going to west Virginia in the mountains. I think that getting out into nature is a healing thing as well. Thank you.

[eleonora]

3. I'm sorry for your loss

I wish I could be of help, but I've never lost someone so close yet. Your husband needs all the good thoughts everybody can spare his way.

[roguevalley]

6. If his mom was ill and he had to care for her, he could be also

experiencing caretakers syndrome, which to me as someone who has done this myself, is what I see you describe here. He's tired, sorrow-filled and hurting. He needs to find someone to talk to- the therapist is good- and he needs to take a MILD sedative until he gets past the initial trauma. 1 mg of ativan is twice a day got me through. It took the awful grinding pain of the moment down to a manageable level. Don't wait. Do these few things and you will feel better. It will come, honey. Take care.

[AutumnMist]

15. He Took Care Of Her

during those months. I really appreciate you talking about what you have gone through. I hadn't taken caretakers syndrome into account. Diane (my mother-in-law) had been seriously ill for months. She came home on a fairly clean bill of health. It wasn't great, but according to the doctors, it wasn't terminal anymore. She was home for four days and went back into the hospital. She died on new years eve. My husband was at the hospital, made sure she had her medications, food, and made sure the generator (we were part of the ice storm that swept the Midwest before Christmas) was never without fuel. He was up every hour and a half to refill the tank. We didn't have power for 7 days. Thank you so much for your advice. Have a wonderful night.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

7. We have a pretty good board on DU that discusses depression, etc.

Here's a link

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=276

It's may be too late for a reply, I'm not sure.

[AutumnMist]

17. Thank You!!!!

:) The link will be so helpful.

[Kenneth ken]

8. I would advise

that he simply start doing again. If he hasn't been to work in a month, he needs to get back to work. The more time he spends not working/sleeping/doing, the more time he has to focus on his depression, and stay depressed.

Seeing a counselor is good. Hopefully he will be able to talk about his feelings. I tried counselors a couple times in the past; it didn't work for me. I don't open up easily to people I don't know, so that was a problem of its own.

I could offer hundreds of cliched phrases that would all seem trite, but the truth is, one can either wallow in depression, or fight against it. Those are the only options.

I think the only thing you can do for him is to try to encourage him to talk, and encourage him to get back to doing things. I'm pretty sure his mother wouldn't want him to mope around all the time, so maybe try to gently remind him of that as well.

I'm sorry for your loss, and that I haven't any better advice to offer.

:hug:

[PowerToThePeople]

9. time

not too much time has past yet. Give it about 6 months greaving time and see if it gets better. Go out and get some exercize together, activity with distract the mind..

[Luminous Animal]

10. ....

If he likes to be touched, massages can be wonderfully healing. Also, sometimes group therapy is better for quiet people than a one on one setting. Perhaps, too, you need to understand that there is little that you can do to ease the hurt.

[Jamastiene]

11. I suffer from severe depression.

The best thing that I can offer is to be there for him if he does talk and say as little as possible. Just let him share his grief. A lot of times it is those tired old parables like "she is better off" and "all wounds heal with time" that are the LAST things anyone wants to hear when they do open up and begin to express the pain they are feeling. Those trite slogans demean the person's feelings more than more people realize. "I'm here for you and I will always love you" means so much more.

[AutumnMist]

22. Absolutely

Hugs and "I am here for you" is the best thing right now. I just listen...not much else I can do. :)I think the counselor and his work schedule will help as well. Thank you so much.

[American Tragedy]

43. Oh God, I know. I'm so glad you said that.

A couple of years ago, when I was in the midst of extreme stress and a series of personal tragedies that lasted most of a year, people would tell me that I'd feel fine in a little while, that I should look into the mirror and smile, I just needed to stop dwelling on it and think about something else, blah blah blah. I think it made it even worse.

[KitchenWitch]

12. get him to a doctor pronto!

depression is nothing to mess with!

[AutumnMist]

26. I Agree

He will be speaking with a counselor in the morning. And I will be right there with him. Thank you.

[KitchenWitch]

42. BTW

Welcome to DU. :bounce:

Hope your husband starts to feel better very soon!

[aquart]

13. Ah, the grief weight.

I lost ten pounds. And got sick. Every one of us got sick with something.

The sadness is right and natural. It just is. The only way thru it is thru it.

I hope the two of you are talking about her. Losing someone it was a privilege to know means she lives in memories.

I'm very glad your husband is going to see someone, though. He seems to be having a difficult time re-starting his life, as if he isn't entitled to when she can't. But he is. She raised him to survive her. It was the plan. Him living a long, happy, busy life long after she was gone was the plan.

I hope the time comes soon when he remembers her and mostly feels the joy.

[itzamirakul]

14. From someone who has been there...done that...

Depression is the worst sort of problem to deal with because, truth be told, there is actually nothing that anyone can do to ease the terrible dark pain inside.

Please, if at all possible, don't begin taking drugs of the prescription variety. It takes enormous strength to get through the depression without them, but often they make things even worse. Your love for your husband is the very best medicine he can ever have...love that is not necessarily spoken...but felt on a very deep level...he will feel it and eventually respond to the strength of that love.

As regards the loss of a loved one...whether or not we realize it, everyday the pain becomes a little less intense, until one day, we wake up in the morning and it is totally eased..not gone...it never really leaves...but it becomes bearable.

Over 40 years ago, in the depths of a suicidal depression, I begged my psychiatrist for help. He told me quietly..."There is only one cure for depression....CHEER UP!"

At first I was struck by what I considered callousness, but I came to understand that what he said was true. In the end,it is up to the individual to take charge of their own feelings and emotions. I have used his remedy for the years since and it has never failed to bring me out of that very dark place.

Here's hoping that you both will be able to "Cheer Up" very soon. :)

[accipiter]

18. Believe in the beauty of the world

That's the choice we all must make.

[Lindacooks]

45. You're absolutely wrong.

Depression is a physical illness. True depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain - there is no way to 'cheer up' and come out of it.

If you are able to 'cheer up', you no more have depression than if you thought you had a broken leg and 'willed it better'.

Genetic Link Found for Depression:
http://depression.about.com/od/causes/a/mutantgene.htm

What Causes Depression?
http://depression.about.com/cs/brainchem101/f/whatcausesdep.htm

Depression is not something you can 'snap out of':
http://www.depression.com/

From the National Institutes of Health:

"WHAT IS A DEPRESSIVE DISORDER?
A depressive disorder is an illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts. It affects the way a person eats and sleeps, the way one feels about oneself, and the way one thinks about things. A depressive disorder is not the same as a passing blue mood. It is not a sign of personal weakness or a condition that can be willed or wished away. People with a depressive illness cannot merely "pull themselves together" and get better. Without treatment, symptoms can last for weeks, months, or years. Appropriate treatment, however, can help most people who suffer from depression."

It is insulting to tell a person with depression that they can pull themselves out of it if they would only try. Would you tell a person with cancer that they can cure it if they would just make an effort??

[JohnnyCougar]

16. Getting out of depression is a battle

IMHO, it is better to learn to get out of it without drugs. The key thing to remember is that depression is a cycle. You are depressed, so you stay home from work, but in staying home from work, you give your mind more time to focus on what makes you depressed, and thus depressing you more, and prolonging your absence from work. It is important to engage in activities that break the cycle. That vacation is a wonderful idea.

I would reccomend that your husband, after he takes the much needed vacation, suck it up and just go in to work the next week. If he literally forces himself to think about work related affairs, he can start to break the cycle.

One obstacle to breaking this cycle is obviously the potential thought that it is disrespectful to his mother to be working when he should be thinking of her and mourning her loss. If it is to the point where it is now hurting your family, you need to tell him that his mother would want him to pick himself up and get back on his feet. Three months is adequate time to mourn.

Help him think about the present and the future by talking about your current family situation, and what you have planned for the future. He has to be a soldier and pick himself up, and move on. Tell him to honor his mother by staying strong and motivated, and not by mourning forever.

It won't be easy, of course, but it will be worth it.

Many sympathies for you, your husband, and your family.

[bling bling]

19. It will take time.

That's fantastic that he's going to see a counselor. That would have been my suggestion had you not mentioned it.

My next suggestion would be to take a morning to go to the library or bookstore, get a cup of coffee, and thumb through books on the subject of coping with death. You may find one written in a style that suits you and you find helpful.

I feel bad for you and your husband. Losing a loved one is excrutiatingly painful for a long time. I wish you both the best in getting through this very sad time. Though it doesn't help now, time will slowly but eventually ease the pain for you both.

[Raised_In_The_Wild]

20. Hi Sweetie, sorry you are having such a hard time!

Maybe a little philosophy will help him. Does he think death is a bad thing, a permanent thing, a natural course of events, a rest, or a renewal thing? Or has he given it any thought? It's nice to give it some thought, since it is something everyone must do. No fear. Perhaps in addition to great grief over the loss of his mother, he is also too much reminded of his own mortality, for, now that she has gone over the horizon, it is now he who stands on the horizon. Talk with him about what he thinks happens after death. Does he expect to see his mother again? When? Does he think death is the end? If it is the end, then is that a necessarily a bad thing? Why? If it relieves those who are old and ill, then, at least then, even if it were the end, it would perhaps be a good thing. Oblivion is better than pain and suffering every time. Many many persons believe in life after death, but, either you do or you don't, and this is more a time to examine beliefs than change them. If not, does he understand her contribution to the world remains in the form of her progeny? He continues her legacy in the world by his own contributions, building on hers, and by his principals learned at her knee. I think your honey, after a month of crying, has to make a plan to move on with his life in a way his mother would be proud of. Would his mother want his life to come to a screeching halt like this for the sake of grief over her? Or would she rather he celebrate her life by telling his kids all about her, frequently, in daily conversation, every little detail, like, "my mom made this quilt, you know!", or "mom used to let me lick cake batter out of this very bowl when I was a little kid!", or "Grammy came from Ireland!" or, "this is a song my mother used to sing to me while we rocked at night." If he tells his children and their children all that little stuff about his mother, he needs to realize, that is all the immortality anybody ever gets. Recall to him Socrates words: "No real harm can come to a good person" and remind him that parents LIKE to precede their children into the next world, because, they preceded them into this world, and that is the natural course of events.

[AutumnMist]

25. I Am Talking About Things

to our daughter, talking about the licking out of the bowl with cake batter and so forth. Her grandmother loved our little one, bought the stuff she liked and let her run up and down the stairs when she wanted to do so. You know, Grandmothers do that. :) My husband believes that she is in a better place, just wishes she was here to share the present. I have also told him that in time his Mother would like him to live his life, do what makes him happy, and be a part of his family. Share her life in joy, not in sadness. I know in the last weeks she was ready to go. She was so sick of being sick and tired. She couldn't hang her wind chimes, couldn't plant her garden next spring. I am glad that the suffering is over. She can be a free spirit once again. I know my husband will find that peace at some point. I just don't know when. Your words have really brought me so much comfort. I can only hope that my honey, can do the same. Thank You! Thank You!

[AuntiBush]

21. Some Thoughts

Both my parents died in separate tragic accidents, as well as my husband a few years back. I have no children, no siblings, just me and the pets and 1 dear Aunt. That's it. I know a lot about depression, sadness and sleepless nights.

It wasn't easy for me, but at least your husband has you to help urge him on. Here's what helped me see through my own misery.

1. I volunteered 4 hours at my own discretion at a local Gerontology Center for the Elderly, whom lay dying, alone in this world. After I held my first 99 year old patient and listened to her raspy voice while she took her last breathe, I felt her pain more than my own. (dragged my feet big-time - I didn't just jump to it, mind you).

2. Visiting my husband's cemetery every day, sometimes several times, seriously, I knew I had to put a stop to it or I'd never go on. So, I began to stop at small unknown cemeteries, walking around looking at other headstones and reading them. Before long, I realized that everyone has to die. It's part of living.

Wise words my husband left me: "We're born." "We die." "And, everything in the middle is just bullsh*t!"

He couldn't have been more right. Tell him to "Live for his passed love ones." That they would not want him to feel this way.

These are little things that helped me. In the long-haul, time heals all wounds but seeing other's that have it worse can help a lot.

Good luck to you and you're husband. Hope he comes out of it soon.

:hug:

[NurseLefty]

24. Good that he's seeing a counselor, but grief is normal.

The counselor is trained to assess whether your husband is depressed (or depending on counselor's credentials, can make a referral for a professional assessment). But, losing a loved one involves a grieving process, and each of us move through it differently.
The changes in his eating and sleeping patterns, along with his being away from work are some signs that he needs more support. It is good that he is open to that.
I wish you and your husband well. I empathize with your husband, as I've lost my brother and mother. I know grief too well.
Take care.

[Skittles]

27. personal stuff is very much shared here

because DUers know we care about each other and the worries we all have. He is going to see a counselor? Good, good. S/he should be qualified to know if medication is needed and it sounds like it might. My advice for you is to just be there and to not make any silly statements like "snap out of it" or "you need to get over it". You seem to know that depression is a very serious illness and that is good for your husband. One of the worst things people with depression have to deal with is the lack of understanding from even their closest family members and friends.

[AutumnMist]

28. I Agree

Its why I am talking about it. I don't think he will just snap out of it.....I think we as a family will deal with it. The friends from DU are a great help as well. He as a individual will deal with it on his own terms. Counselors and his family support will be a solid rock for him to draw strength. Plus I am whisking him away to take a vacation in some green and beautiful place. :) May sound harsh...but we live next door to his mothers/parents house. It will be a good thing to just change the pace for a weekend. Thank you for your thoughts my friend. Have a wonderful night.

[Skittles]

31. you ROCK!

:hi:

[VOX]

29. Hang in there with him, AutumnMist -- he needs time; I've been there...

My mom died two years ago come Feb. 15th, after nine years of strokes, falls, a broken knee, a broken hip, and finally a heart attack. I loved her dearly, and was johnny-on-the-spot as a caregiver all those years; after she died, there were decades of accumulation to go through at her house, etc. Those years were the hardest of my life -- I had to keep up a job and a marriage at the same time, and at one point I underwent cancer treatment. I was so burned out that my spirit was pretty much gone.

I gained 40 lbs. over the year that she died, wolfing down comfort foods and being inactive; I also missed a ton of work. Keeping up such a high level of concern and care for an ailing person (especially a parent) for so long is bound to take a heavy toll. And when that parent is finally gone, it's as if you've completely slipped off your tether. Not much in the world seems to have much meaning or makes any sense at that point.

Sounds like this is right where your husband is now. It's great that he is getting counseling -- make sure that he keeps his appointments. He needs to let time pass -- it's important that he gets through the cycle of the coming year -- the spring, the summer, the holidays, all the things that will trigger reminders for him. It is difficult, but he will eventually begin to take an interest in life again. Just be there for him, and remind him that he is a good man and is much loved. Let him rattle around at night (I did the same thing), but ask him gently to come to bed, even if he declines.

And don't ignore your own needs altogether -- when he shows signs of wanting to engage in life a bit, do something nice together, something you want to do but that he would enjoy.

Best of luck to you both -- although it seems dark right now, you will get through this! :hug:

[gonefishing]

32. Have him read "Feeling Good the new Mood Therapy"

It is a great book. Just read the reviews on amazon.com.

Hope that Helps.

[foreigncorrespondent]

33. Firstly...

...let me just say how sorry I am over the loss you and your husband have experienced. I wasn't here four weeks ago (Sapphocrat was visiting me for the holidays), so this is the first I have heard.

Anyway, your husband is doing the right thing by going to see someone to help him deal with the depression he is experiencing. I have (as most here on DU know) dealt with depression for a lot of years. I go through good stages and bad stages. During my last real bad stage (for which I suffered a nervous breakdown through) I went and saw someone to help me begin dealing with everything as well. Unfortunately they put me on meds to help me try and cope. The meds were ok, but if I missed just one pill, I was right back to square one again. That is the reason I hate taking meds.

Anyway, after a few months I had to stop seeing him, simply because I could no longer afford the costs that were involved. However, I took with me the knowledge he had shared with me. And today I find that helps a great deal, in how I actually deal with my depression.

Anyway, my point is, your husband will get through this. Of course he won't be able to get through it alone, he needs you. And you being there for him, is simply the best thing you can possibly do for him at this time.

Just hold him when he needs it. Let him talk when he needs to do that. And remember, if at times he gets angry, remember one thing, don't take anything he says personally. All he is really doing is simply releasing what he needs to release. And even though he may release it on you, he is simply doing that because you are the one person in this world who truly knows and understands him. And it is you who loves and adores him, and would forgive him.

The person I was seeing once told me, that the only reason we take things out on the people we love so much in this is life is simply because they are the ones who will always forgive us, no matter what.

[seabeyond]

34. i didnt talk hardly at all with the loss of my mom

to my husband. i know i felt safest when all my family was in hte home. little things made me feel good. it takes time.

i dont see how you can ease the pain of loss that he is experiencing. it is his to do. a holding of the hand and being there for him. sometimes we just have to be allowed to be sad.
and a month is not that long. i know for at least a month the world seemed so surreal. everyone was going about their business and i had this huge event, throwing me so out of kilter and no one elese was effected. and then the sadness came.

wish you all the best.

[The Backlash Cometh]

35. We lost our mother a month ago and the symptoms you describe

are similar to the ones my father is going through. The one thing I see differently is that my father is keeping himself as busy as possible. The first two weeks, we made sure someone was with him at all times, but one day he told me that he needed to be alone and he needed to be allowed to grieve.

We were concerned because he found himself so disoriented at times that we determined that he had to stick to a routine. When you're depressed, it's very difficult to focus, so routines are helpful to stay on track. He starts each morning going to church and there he sometimes cries. He said matter of factly that he's found a way to do it without anyone noticing. (Just basically look straight ahead and don't wipe away the tears.) At my mom's funeral service, it was helpful to have a pastor that knew my father well and was about the same age. The pastor's sermon was on how little boys are raised to believe that it was not acceptable to cry, but that this was wrong, and that crying was the right response. So, I think that helped my father understand that grieving was okay.

So, I recommend you find a routine for your husband to follow. Give him a reason to get up in the morning. My dad doesn't talk about his grief much, but everything he does is in remembrance of my mother. After she died he rearranged some of her favorite things in a corner of the Living Room to create a memorial. And he took great pains in finding the right place to put her urn.

We did clean out her clothing right away, which is what they recommend to do, and he took some consolation and interest in making sure that it went to the right charities. He goes down and volunteers in the charity once a week. That's now a new part of his routine. If you can get him to do things that helps him interact with people, that would be the best option.

[burn the bush]

36. it sounds like his mother was a big part of your lives

that makes it so much harder. Also if this is his first close deathe he had had to deal with, it makes it very hard. You have to deal with all of that "god stuff" on top of the loss. Eventually, he will begin to put the death on the back burner as keeping it on the front burner is so devastating. It could take him quite awhile to get back into things.
I agree that he needs an anti-depressant and sleeping pill. Of course they will want to make sure that he won't use them to commit suicide himself in his despair.
I wish that I had a really good answer for you. My dad who did not believe in god told us at my brothers funeral that he asked god to help him with the pain and it did help. In my desperation, I did the same and it did indeed help though I too don't believe. It's harder on those of us who don't believe.
Just be sure to let your hubby know that the paid will lessen. It will. Don't let him fight being put on meds, tell him it's only temp. and isn't a sign of mental weakness but it is to combat the chemical disruption that has occured and that when it gets back on track he won't need them.
Poor guy, he probably has dreams about her and when he wakes up, just for a minute, he forgets she is dead. Then has to face the damn truth yet again. That's how it was for me when my brother died. My brother was not a part of my daily routine anymore and yet 18 years later, I'm still pissed that he died. So, with his mom being part of your guys daily routine, it is going to be very hard coz there is that obvious gap.
Hang in there, it gets better. It doesn't ever go away, but it gets livable. I wish you well.

[burn the bush]

37. he is probably having feelings of guilt too

If he took care of her, it can be exhausting. When someone you have been taking care of dies, there is a bit of a feeling of relief because of all that taking care of them takes out of you. Then feeling relief at their death can make you feel guilty. Also people tend to want to blame themselves for a death. "If only i had taken her to the hospital sooner", ""if only I had made the doctor do this test" So feelings of guilt can add to his despair.
Also sounds like he thought he had won the battle when she suddenly died anyway. That rollarcoaster of emotions is enough to send anybody over the edge.
Again, it will get better. It will get better. It will get better.

[s-cubed]

38. How to help

I suffered from depression off and on for years, without even knowing what was wrong. Finally, with counseling and the right drugs, I've been doing fine for more than 10 years.

You and your husband are sufferering from "reactive" depression - ie, tied to a specific event, rather than chronic. Generally easier to overcome, but it still hurts like hell.

On counselers - if the person isn't helping, get someone else! There are a lot of bad counselors out there, and also, you have to "clicK" with the one you are working with. Also, it might be preferable if the two of you went together.

On drugs - most take several weeks to become effective, but that doesn't mean not to try them. Just realize that it may be trial and error to find the one that helps.

On of the best pieces of advice I was ever given was " It doesn't matter what you do, do something!" Get out, go to a movie, see your friends, etc. Also, exercise will definitely help. It doesn't have to be strenuous: a daily walk can do wonders.

Good luck, and I hlope this helps.
:grouphug:

[ernstbass]

39. It sounds like he isn't functioning at this point

and it is time to consider going to a doctor (doesn't have to be a psychiatrist - family doc will do) to explore a trial of medications. Ambien is a sleep agent that doesn't stay in the system very long so you don't have that doped feeling in the am. I would also consider an anti depressant for the next 6 months. And don't discount the power of talk therapy either. You can help by making sure he gets protein and fresh air. And ask him what you can do for him. I hope things get better but it will take time.

[Greybnk48]

40. My experience

Not much is known about sleep as yet but one thing that is widely thought is that sleep is a healing process, and I use "healing" in a broad context. A very wise DR. helped me a few years ago based on this premise. Our first action to help me was to get me sleeping, which I was unable to do without help. Unfortunately, I had to take medicine for a while, but a very short while (3 months). Once I was not sleep deprived the depression was manageable. (This was about six years ago and I have not neede to take pills of any sort since then).

Of course, this does not hold for all manesfestations of depression as some people react by excessive sleeping. But it helped me. Once I was rested I was strong enough to deal with other issues.

I hope this or some of the other advice helps.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

41. My experience with depression

My spell occurred before Prozac and similar drugs were available. I had insomnia without tiredness, an inability to concentrate, crying jags, temperamental outbursts, and hours where I just stared into space and had obsessive thoughts.

It reached the point where my work was being badly affected. I was going into class unprepared, and the students were complaining.

Fortunately, a colleague had had problems with depression, so she urged me to go to the doctor.

He put me on Imapramine, which had the immediate effect of allowing me to sleep. That was a MAJOR step, because I'd been sleeping two hours a night for months. Although some on this thread have advised against medication, I credit the Imapramine with stopping the slide into deeper despair.

I also went to a clinical social worker for counseling, and I learned a lot about listening to my own instincts and figuring out how my life had to change.

I was on meds for about a year, and although I've had mild relapses, there's been nothing incapacitating.

Personally, I think that hugs are the best palliative relief for depression.

[electropop]

44. Sometimes words alone won't do it.

A couple of years ago I experienced a personal tragedy, and I literally thought (or hoped) I would die of heartbreak. My wife correctly urged me to see a psych doc. He gave me a few mild pills to let me relax and sleep (only for a few days), and antidepressant for the longer term problems. It was exactly what I needed. It broke the downward spiral of sleeplessness and depression, and I got through it. Obviously, nothing can (or should) erase grief - painful as it is, it is the healing process. But when it's so bad that you're getting worse instead of healing, a little help can get you started toward healthy grieving and recovery. My particular guy gave: Xanax and Wellbutrin. WB is one of the newest AD drugs, and is free of the worst side effects of most others, such as dulling of mood and no libido (not like that would matter right now, but long term, it does).

My condolences to you and your husband.

[anarchy1999]

46. Best resource I have:

http://www.tamingyourgremlin.com/

[Mountainman]

47. Be sure to get professional help and read all you can about depression

I went through a clinical depression that lasted for 3 years. Luckily my wife stayed with me though everyone around her told her to leave me.

Don't listen to those who tell you that you can snap out of it. Depression is an illness like any illness and can be treated.

I refused to take drugs for my condition thinking that I could find a way to deal with it myself but it was the on going help of my doctor that finally got me to a better place.

Also be selective of the doctors you go to. Don't go to a "pill pusher" or someone who only wants your insurance money. Find someone who can see you as a person not a source of income.

Depression is contagious if not treated. It effects everyone around you.

There is mush out there to read. The longer I refused to learn about my condition the longer I made it last. I still have a low grade depression that I take medication for but life is much better this way than it is without the meds. I never really feel happy but I don't feel depressed all the time either.