Joke I heard last night..

[SoCalDem]

Mr Nelson and his wife go to the doctor because he's getting very forgetful, and is afraid he might have alzheimers.. They take a bunch of tests and go home to wait.. About a week later the doctor calls and talks to MRS. Nelson..

Doctor:.. Mrs. Nelson, I am afraid the lab screwed up.. They sent results for patients with the names mixed up.. Your husband's dresults came back positive for HIV AND alzheimers.. ..

Mrs Nelson:...Oh dear, Jim is so upset, and I don't want to put him through the trauma of all those tests again...

Doctor interrupts:.. Here's an easy way to know, without making him re-do all the tests.. Take him out in the woods and leave him there.. If he finds his way home....DON'T SLEEP WITH HIM :)

[callous taoboy]

1. Good! Here's one

a friend of mine found in a box in the attic of her rent house. It was written on some old, yellowed stationary and was with some other papers that were dated mid-40s:

It seems that there were twin brothers by the name of Jones. Bill was married and Joe was single. The single brother, Joe, was proud of a dilapidated row boat. It so happened that Bill Jones’ wife died the very day that Joe’s boat filled with water and sank. A few days later a kindly old lady met Joe on the street and, mistaking Joe for Bill, said, “Oh! Mr. Jones, I am so sorry to hear of your great loss. You must feel terribly.” Joe spoke up saying, “Well, I’m not a bit sorry. She was a rather old thing from the start. Her bottom was all chewed up and she smelled like an old, dead fish and even the first time I got into her she made water faster than anything I ever saw. She had a bad crack and a pretty bad hole in front, and that hole began getting bigger every time I used her. I got so I could handle her all right, but when anybody else used her she leaked like everything. But what finished her was four guys from the other side of town asked me if I’d lend her to them. Well, I warned them that she warn’t so hot, but they said they would take a crack at her anyhow. The result was the crazy fools tried to get into her all at once and it was too much for her so she cracked right up the middle. Before he could finish the old lady had fainted.

[Rowdyboy]

2. ROTFLMAO

God! I started laughing about the 4th line and didn't stop until the end. Wish I could remember all of it to tell! Thanks!

[callous taoboy]

4. I know:

When my friend read it to me I was howling by line 4. I immediately borrowed the yellowed page and typed it up.

[elfin]

3. Thanks! Get my best jokes from DU eom