Telephone Tips for Undergraduates....

[Dora]

1) Don't use your cell phone to make important calls: use a land line. If you absolutely must use a cell phone, please make sure you're in a location with EXCELLENT reception.

2) Practice your speaking skills - enunciation, clarity of thought, etc. It always helps to rehearse what you're going to say before dialing the damn phone. "May I please speak to ___," will usually be met by inquiries from a bulldogging assistant such as myself who needs more information: who are you and why are you calling? BE PREPARED TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS.

3) Remember: If you want the person you're calling to understand what you're saying, YOU HAVE TO BE UNDERSTANDABLE.

If what you're calling about isn't imporant enough for you to insure that your voice is clear and coherent, then why in the hell should it be important enough for me to waste my time talking to you?

Eh?

:rant:

[TheMightyFavog]

1. 4. Don't drunk dial your professors at 2 in the morning.

They tend not to like that.

[mikeytherat]

4. Especially when you're having an affair with them

Or, er, so I have heard.

mikey_the_rat

[Tyrone Slothrop]

2. Not just for undergrads

For all people:

If you dial the phone number of a business and you are incapable of providing the following information:
1. Your name
2. Who you want to speak with
3. A less than 10 word explanation of why you want to speak with them

you should not be allowed to ever use a phone. Also, I find it difficult to believe that you are capable of breathing on your own.

I don't know why this seems to be beyond the comprehensive grasp of approximately 75% of people who call our office.

Grrrrr...this has been a rough week...

[Dora]

3. I hear you.

:toast:

[Kid OfThe Black Hole]

5. The thing is

there are alot of dense people answering phones, too. Yes, I can tell you what I want in 10 words or less but since I'm almost always calling with a very particular question, its bound to sound unusual.

After a while I just give up and explicitly ask to be transferred to "person of actual interest as opposed to slack-jawed phone jockey". I'd say my success rate is 50/50ish even then :(

[Dora]

7. Speaking as a "slack-jawed phone jockey"

It is our job to triage all incoming calls so that we can 1) forward them to the appropriate department or 2) answer your questions ourselves or 3) refer you to the correct department because even though you think you know we're the people you need to be talking to we're really not and you're not as right as you think you are.

Speaking as a member of our nation's vast army of paper-pushing administrative support staff, I can assure you that we really do know what the fuck we're doing. If you get somebody who doesn't seem to be able to answer your questions you have reached either a temp employee or a *gasp* work-study student (which returns us then to my original post: it behooves the student to speak clearly in sound and in thought).

[Kid OfThe Black Hole]

8. OK obviously you are not who I was referring to

since you can string together coherent sentences and such. Hope you didn't take offense lol

There are alot of dumb people answering phones is all I was trying to point out sorry

[last_texas_dem]

14. That "less than 10 word explanation" part is tough...

I am one of those people with the ability (affliction?) to use 50 words to describe something I should be able to in under 10. It's not that I'm verbose and pretentious in the way I speak... I just get very tongue-tied and awkward on the telephone!

[Rabrrrrrr]

6. And take the goddamn gum/food out of your mouth,

and don't call while you are talking with someone else over lunch in a cafe, or from the stadium during a ball game...

I used to be in a position like yours, working for a partner who was in charge of hiring, at a firm that highered only THE BEST and brightest of the world, *even for the mailroom*, and I would get some truly ridiculous phone calls from typically American incoherent douchebags.

I could tell within seconds whether the caller would even fit in with culture of the company, let alone deserved to even have me take a note.

It was sometimes hilarious:

Me: "(company name) (person's office) how may I help you?"

caller: "May I speak with (name)?"

"May I ask who is calling?"

"John Smith"

(pause, while I wait for person to show they are worthy of speaking to me by actually giving me some information)

"And Mr. Smith, why you are calling?"

"I'd like to interview"

(pause, waiting for what he'd like to interview for)

"And what sector of our firm are you interested in?"

"Ummm... "

(pause while I try to figure out whether he's calling from a frat house, a cafeteria, or a sidewalk)

"(continuing) ummmm...."

"Mr. Smith, are you in college? Currently working?"

(and let's assume this was a college person)

"Yes, I'm a senior at (second- or third-tier piece of shit state university business school)"

"Mmmkay. Well, send your resume to (place to send it to)..."

then I turn around and go to my boss, the partner in the firm, and say "We're gonna get a resume from this guy... he didn't pronounce the company name correctly, he has no idea how to speak on the phone, he only literally answered my questions, and he called while chewing gum from what appeared to be a coffee shop, probably while going through a list of companies to cold call with no idea who we are."

"Thanks, I'll tell HR to throw it away as soon as it comes in."

[DS1]

10. well, that was remarkably unrewarding

I see a Rabrrrrrr post and think to myself "Oh, here we go!".

Instead you sputtered and crashed.

2 thumbs down, way down.

Do it again.

[Kid OfThe Black Hole]

11. yeah Rabrrrr knows how to turn haughty into a virtue

but this time it just came across as pretentious and irritating

[Rabrrrrrr]

13. Hey, I've written my share of lemons.

And that indeed is one of them.

How embarrassing.

But without the crap, there would be no gems.

:-)

[JVS]

9. I'm a grad student, so I'll ignore those rules.

No communication is official until it has gone through the mailbox. All else is speculation.

[Patiod]

12. And if you're interviewing for a job, check your voice mail msg

I had a job once where I was given a ton of resumes, and told to call the "best ones" and schedule them for an interview with the boss.

You probably don't want a sexy, silly, crude or incoherent message on your machine/voice mail when I call you to schedule an interview. I'll hang up - I've seen me do it.

And don't put inflammatory stuff on the resume - it's COMPLETELY unfair, but if I have a choice between someone neutral and the president of the College Republicans, Mr. Republican is GOIN' IN THE TRASH (and the same holds true on the opposite side - no matter how proud you are of it, don't put anti-war or Democratic or pro-choice activity on there either, because Betty Conservative in HR, who you will never have to work with, might just accidentally file it in the round file)

OK, and here's one no one will admit to, because it's unfair, but if your name is really tough to pronounce, it might not hurt to put a pronounciation cheat someone on the cover letter or resume. I've never seen anyone do that, mind you, but I've had to decide, on the fly, whether to call Dwayne Washington or Shobana Chandrasekhar, and I'm sorry to admit, I've been totally unfair, and gone with Dwayne.

/from interviewing so many doctors over the years, I would have no problem with Dr. Chandrasekhar today, but that resume would not have been among the first I would have called, back when I was screening.