"A fun and fast-paced environment!"

[Zomby Woof]

Post your annoying job-listing cliches here.

[supernova]

1. Able to work under pressure

and handle multiple deadlines

usually translates to "we don't prioritize so everything is an emergency."

[KurtNYC]

2. "opportunity for advancement" -- not necessarily here but in general

as in 'you could find a better job after that one. Also:

"self starter" -- which cuts out (only) Frankenstein I suppose

[flvegan]

3. "...work independently and multitask..." and "on the job training"

Translation: not only are we going to give you too much, too soon, too diversified, but you're also on your own to get it/them done. Plus, it's seat of your pants time, here. Wing it 'til you can bring it, or fake it 'til you make it. Either way, you're learning on the fly.

[trof]

4. "Opportunity for rapid advancement" =

This place sux so bad and the turnover is so high we can't even get ID badges done before people are out the door.

[mulsh]

5. "hard work is fun"

used to be part of Working Assets Core Values statement. not really a cliche but asinine nonetheless

[AngryAmish]

6. Hard work will set you free

[BigMcLargehuge]

7. Self-Motivated and Team-Oriented

WTF, those things are mutually exclusive??!!??

[ThomCat]

8. "Looking for motivated individual"

= "This work is so mind-numbing, frustrating and thankless that you have to be crazy to take this shit job."

[Kat45]

9. "works well individually and as part of a team"

What else is there?

[XemaSab]

10. Team player

:P

[Arger68]

13. I always loved that one.

Did you ever notice those that preach teamwork the loudest always practice it the least?x(

Of course, that seems to work for religion as well!!

[Pale Blue Dot]

11. "Our learnings are proactive!"

...or some such shit.

[Oeditpus Rex]

12. How 'bout if I just dissect an ad?

The hed on this ad is "Storyteller & Watchdog," which should scare away any legitimate journalist all by itself.



The Desert Sun, one of the best mid-sized community dailies in the Southwest (According to whom?), is expanding and looking for talented reporters who aspire to take their skills to the next level. (What, you mean to an actual newspaper?) We're a Gannett newspaper (We suck) in beautiful Palm Springs, a richly diverse market (Our readership base is 100 percent Republican, but some are between 60 and 65 while others are over 65) situated in California's fastest-growing county. (You're in a fucking desert. If a baby is born, it's a boom.) We have an immediate opening at one of our three new weekly editions, a key reporting spot that would be integrated in our Local News operation. (You'll have to write each story three different ways.) We're looking for energetic and talented storytellers and watchdogs (We want a kid just out of college who'll take all the crappy assignments and not complain) who can cover a broad array of stories -- from city government and local classrooms to an explosive small-business market and close-to-home community news. (You'll write five stories a day, but you'll never see a cent of overtime.) We are a multimedia-driven information company (We're a crappy paper with a crappy web site), so we'll teach you useful photo and video skills and how to post to our award-winning Web site. (We don't have any web people, so you'll do that job, too.) We're only seeking (Grammarians?) reporters who offer versatility and passion for the news. (See previous comment re kids just out of college.) We're seeking candidates with at least 18 months of daily newspaper reporting experience or two very successful daily newspaper internships. (We much prefer the latter because interns are used to getting paid squat.) We're situated just 90 minutes from the beach, two hours from San Diego/Los Angeles (Unless you hit any actual traffic; then it's a day and a half) and less than four hours from the Las Vegas strip. (But with the amount we'll work and pay you, you won't have time to go to Vegas even if you had a nickel for a slot machine.) Our valley is home to celebrities (All too old for you to have heard of), fine dining, world-class tennis, golf (more than 125 courses!) (None of which will allow you to play) and an international film festival that is one of the world’s largest. (Remember this, since you'll be writing 11 stories about it.) You also will get the chance to work in a high-energy newsroom (if you kick into the coffee fund) with experienced editors (read: burned-out hacks who can't get jobs outside Gannett) committed to teaching and helping young journalists advance their careers. (If you get coffee for them, they'll grunt at you once in awhile.) Interested? (No, just desperate.) Send resume, cover letter and examples of your work to Managing Editor/News Rick Green at [e-mail] (No relation to Linda Green, who's editor of one of the few other Gannett papers in California. Really. He isn't. We swear.)

(We don't fiddle much with those "paragraph" things, either.)

[BrewerJohn]

14. "Excellent communication skills required"

It's in every ad ever posted. So why do none of the people I work with ever have any?

[Kerrytravelers]

15. "A no-nonsense and fun environment."

[jus_the_facts]

16. Drug free environment....always means you've gotta pee for 'em first.....

....background checks and credit checks?! :eyes:

You can take as many prescription drugs as you like as long as you've got a doctor's permission...but smoke a joint and you're a criminal drug addict. :grr: It takes havin' a fuckin' JOB to keep your credit IN check...and if you've ever had any *youthful indiscretions* then you're screwed too with the background check...those three things make me furious. :D

[Sugar Smack]

17. "Flexible Hours"

Which means you're the one who has to be flexible.

[Auggie]

18. "We're like a family"

[lildreamer316]

19. ^^^^....and then people wonder why I'm a stripper. ^^^^^^^

Hee hee.:silly:

[NMMNG]

20. "Exciting job opportunity"

Yeah, if you find being abused for peanuts exciting.

[hyde]

21. Only serious applicants need apply

Because i guess a ton of people apply for jobs just for shits and giggles?

[NMMNG]

22. I can't tell you how many times I've gone on recreational job interviews

:silly: