Trying hard not to fall through the cracks.

[caseymoz]

I have had a convergence of bad personal events. I lost my job last month and cannot draw unemployment due to the way I lost it (see below), and at the end of the month my lease is up and I cannot renew. Even so, I was going to move into a smaller place anyway, but without a job or income, getting housing was and is a barrier. I loved living in this apartment, but unfortunately, the complex changed hands and when it did, the rent was raised-- a lot. I signed the lease, however, thinking that I could cover the rent with the overtime I had been getting in all the previous years. It didn't work out that way; due to all the sick and short-term disability time I had in the last two years, my income was much smaller than in proceeding years. That also means that, I have no savings at this point.

The safety net for single guys in this state sucks. I have to seek disability due to conditions I have, which have not only impaired my work performance, (again, see below), but led to my losing my job. Nevertheless, I am also looking for work and I am not giving up on it. I do want to work. If I get disability, I will write to supplement my income as long as I can. I have been given food stamps, and a friend did forward me a grant. I don't think I could ask him for any more.

In all of this, I received good and bad news from my doctor. The good news-- actually mixed news, is that he considers me to be almost totally disabled, so eventually I can draw disability and SSI. The bad news is he gave a poor prognosis. He reminded me that I had a very serious condition, which is going to deteriorate. I'm already 50. I have both bipolar illness and long term effects from head injury. Between the two of them, I will become progressively more impaired. When I lost my job, I was about forty percent slower than normal, being on a job that was reflex oriented, and where your speed was measured in detail. My supervisor had a heart attack every time she looked at my productivity.

It does almost sound like fiction at this point, because it is so absurd (unfortunately it isn't) but I also need medications if I am going to keep anything together at all. Almost all (yes, I'm on that many) are generics, and the ones that aren't I can get as samples. However, two of those generics are still very expensive everywhere I look. (I'm still looking).

I have few possibilities for housing right now. My landlord has agreed to extend my time for a few days, but at the same high cost-- money I don't have. After that, I have a single room I could move into at a relative's house. There's no storage space, which means I am holding a fire sale this week. Everything must go. Furniture book, dishes-- I am keeping the computer; I built it myself.

My cat has saved my life. When I lost my job, I was suicidal, but I couldn't stand the idea of her suffering a cage existence followed by being euthanized. She will be unhappy in a household of three other cats.

I have a lot of problems to solve in a very short time, and I have trouble both planning and sticking to plans. Some days when I get up, it takes hours for me to remember what I should be doing. Even after I do, it's hard to restrain my impulse and not do something else. I speak in a disjointed, interrupted manor, not really conducive to interviews, but you don't see it when I write because I am able to go back and rewrite. I pretty much try to do that speaking. If it weren't for the invention of the word processor, I would not be able to write. I also have problems hearing speech. My hearing is demonstrated to be perfect, it's just that my brain has a latency processing it. With any distractions, background noise or any distraction, English sounds like a foreign language even though it's my native tongue.

I will take whatever suggestion anyone can make. I have a list of resources from Vocational Rehab, but I just started to call them on Friday. I am filling out the very long paperwork for both medicaid and SSI. But that doesn't do anything for short term income. I am seeking freelance work, which hasn't paid off for anything yet. I can write, but I can't really speak well. With writing I can take my time with what to say, not so when I'm speaking. This doesn't make for good job interviews.

Meanwhile, I'm having a fire-sale, but that's something for Craigslist.