Fiction sample

[BigMcLargehuge]

trying my hand at Flash Fiction (under 1000 words). This is about the first third -


The Henchman Diaries:
Project: Arachnoid


So two of the prototypes got loose today and rampaged through the cafeteria for a half hour before security could bring them down. What a mess! Thursday is "Spaghetti and Meatballs Day" and there were noodles, sauce, and body parts everywhere. The Lackeys aren't sure how one of the new guys managed to get the prototype's cage open, it's sealed with a magnetic lock, but smart money says we have an infiltrator.

Things have started to go bad, which isn't really abnormal; there is always a lot of drama just before a big project launch. Though an infiltrator only complicates things. We are now on lockdown and can't get the giant spiders into the trucks so we can't get them into the Paris sewers. And without the spiders in place, Dr. Maniacal's address to the United Nations, and his subsequent demand for ransom money, won't have any meat behind it. Anyone who has been in this business for more than a day knows that the UN doesn't flinch unless you can scare up a really good demonstration.

I have to remember the rule: Your life span synchronizes with the countdown clock if you are still on base when the countdown starts. It's almost time to move on. Not that I haven't liked working here with Dr. Maniacal, but even the dumbest of my co-Henchmen can see that this plan is not going to do anything more than bring the CIA or MI-5 down on us, probably with a few squads of Special Forces in tow.

We get paid next week, so I can't make a move until then, and besides, Tuesday is Fish and Chips Day in the caf, and they do a great breaded tilapia here. Say what you want about Dr. Maniacal, but he really takes care of his people. I've only spoken with him once, he barked "out of the way idiot!" and shoved me away from a control board during one of the phase one genetic mutation tests. Usually the big boss just monologues to whoever is within earshot, you know, "Soon the world will feel my wrath blah blah blah bring the UN to its knees yadda yadda yadda" after a while we just stop listening. But the fact that he spoke to me, a Henchman, was almost unprecedented. It did draw some sharp looks from the Inner Circle and at least one of the Lackeys, but the test was in progress and they were too focused on mixing the tarantula DNA with Dr. Maniacal's growth serum to make a stink.

[oneighty]

1. No creative effort

should go unnoticed and fade to the archives without comment. Having said that I am often guilty of reading and not commenting. In an effort to overcome that personal failing I will say this.

I do not find Science Fiction interesting anymore and that alone disqualifies me from further comment.

Even so your subject matter is fitting for the world as it exists today.

I have done a poor job here commenting.

I had a friend Robert F. Young a SciFi writer. He often told me "It was a hard sell."

Good luck in your efforts.

180

[BigMcLargehuge]

2. I've expanded the idea for this

into a blog that will supply most of the back story while I try to sell smaller stories to various mags. Let me know if this works.

http://henchmandiaries.blogspot.com/

[frogmarch]

3. May I suggest

more showing and less telling? The narrative was well written, but actual scenes containing action, distinct characters, and dialogue would help bring the story to life, I think.

I've never tried to write science fiction. Too hard. Bravo to you for taking it on!

[SteppingRazor]

6. Have you ever read the graphic novel Hench?

It's by Adam Beechen and Manny Bello. Covers the exact territory you are here -- the world of superheroes and supervillains, as seen from the eyes of a lowly supervillain henchman.You should check it out!

[AllegroRondo]

4. I like the style

the first paragraph really reminded me of an Arthur C Clarke short story, I'll have to see if I can get the title.

[EstimatedProphet]

5. I like it!

It's kind of cool IMO-kind of like a a random news article, or stumbling across an abandoned file.
Can't wait to see the rest. It looks like it will be a fun story!