Please give me some advice with regards to my brother

[Seen the light]

I had a call from my mother today describing to me something horrible that happened to my youngest brother on Friday afternoon at his school. Keep in mind that my brother is paralyzed from the neck down on his right side but has full function on his left side and he's going to public school...

He had missed Wednesday's classes because of a doctor appointment and had a science test on Friday. He gets extra time because of his disability and was finishing up his test as the bell rang for the students to go to their final class of the day. He remained with his test. He saw a part of the test he had a question about because he didn't recognize it. He asked his teacher if they had gone over that part of the test on Wednesday when he was absent.

At that point, the teacher lost her mind. She started screaming at my brother (with his nurse and education assistant there and the remaining kids straggling out of class.) She screamed at him that he was coddled incessantly and that he was too intellectually dependent on his education assistant. At that point, my brother's assistant started yelling back at the teacher and my brother was just sitting there watching this all go down (he's 12 years old.) He was biting his inner cheek to stop from crying. He asked his nurse to take him to the bathroom just so he could have a good cry.

The teacher and my brother's assistant continued to have it out as my brother went to his final thing of the day, study hall. As he was leaving, the teacher apologized (having been told rather forcefully to apologize by the assistant) to my brother. My brother accepted her apology.

When at study hall, the teacher came to him again only to be stopped by the assistant this time. My brother wanted nothing to do with the teacher at that point and the assistant told her off again.

My father was picking my brother up that day just by chance because my mother had to go to the oncologist to have an update about her possible cancer. That was a great coincidence because my mother would have been thrown in jail for what she would have done to the teacher in response.

So anyway, I just wanted to get your suggestions as to what I should do. My mother has been convinced by my father to just have him transferred out of the class or if that's not possible, to just home school him for the last month and a half of this year. However, I'm a very vindictive person and I want to get this woman back in a very public way. How should I do this, if I should?

[Deep13]

1. Forget it. It is not your right or duty to intervene.

I know how you feel and please don't think me crass, but this is not your problem to solve. Leave it to your parents and the school personel.

[electropop]

6. You could recommend your Dad speak to the Principal.

I'm sure he's planning to anyway. This teacher has endangered her career, and needs to learn that - pronto.

[MADem]

16. I go with that approach--and the parent shoud show up at the meeting

with a letter, hand delivered to the principal, with a copy forwarded by registered mail to the Superintendent of Schools. State the facts of the case, and insist upon appropriate school action.

I would recommend the parent put EVERYTHING in writing. Bringing a witness to the meeting wouldn't be a bad idea either.

[Solo_in_MD]

19. Depends on the district

In MD I saw the UFAS and ADA ignored with impunity by teachers and administrators. If its a hard to find discipline, the district will not be interested in intervening. Finally the union local may also support the teacher.

[HereSince1628]

9. I don't agree. Child abuse is something all adults have to guard

against. When you see it you report it in order to protect the innocent.

[Deep13]

22. The poster is not a witness.

He only knows what happened because his mother told him. She only knows because she heard it from others.

[HereSince1628]

2. Is there a Disabled advocate or a Committee in the school district?

If there is you should contact them concerning your options.

I believe there does need to be a memo of this placed into the teacher's personnel file in order to prevent her continued employment if she is doing this repeatedly.

[laruemtt]

3. this teacher has no business

teaching. she had no right to yell at your brother like that and she should be stripped of her teaching credentials. sorry for her, but better her than an innocent boy (or more) being victimized by her. and she should be made to get professional help. thank god for your brother's assistant. your brother needs to know in no uncertain terms that this was the teacher's issue, not in any way his doing. so sorry this happened!

[Midlodemocrat]

4. If he is disabled enough to have a nurse with him in school,

he is a federally protected life. I would file a formal complaint with the principal, the superintendent and the person in charge of the special education program in your county/city. Then, I would contact the federal authorities and ask them to investigate.

This is very, very serious. I am assuming your brother has an IEP? If he does and if it requires him to have additional time/help due to doctor's appointments, the school is bound BY LAW to abide by it. If they don't, as it appears this teacher did to your brother, they could actually face criminal charges.

[Geoff R. Casavant]

5. Lose the vindictiveness

I admire your willingness to make such an admission, but your primary concern IMHO should be what's best for your brother, not how bad you can make his teacher suffer.

Either of the two suggestions you mention (transfer or home school) might work, or perhaps a low key meeting with brother, teacher, parents and assistants to gauge what extra help he needs, and how much is too much. While adults losing tempers around kids is bad all around (and both sides appear to be at fault here from what you say), if the teacher has genuine concerns that your brother may be too dependent on his assistants, then this needs to be addressed to the satisfaction of all parties.

[Midlodemocrat]

7. Funny, I completely disagree.

The disabled need to be protected from women like this. What makes you think she won't just do this to another disabled child? I have seen it many, many times. Anyone who is nasty enough to do what this woman did to a disabled 12 year old has no business working with children. She needs to go.

[MrMonk]

13. Then let the boy's parents deal with it.

The OP is the boy's brother. He has no standing in this matter; his parents and brother do.

[Midlodemocrat]

14. I don't see it that way.

I didn't have 'standing' in many cases where I saw children being mistreated by adults, especially disabled children being mistreated by aides. It is your duty as a human being to speak up.

The more advocates for this little guy, the better. There is power in numbers. Plus, he stated his mom was dealing with cancer.

[jhrobbins]

26. I absolutely agree with this post...

It might be the sister's place to pursue this if there was no one else to do it, but apparently that is not the case. I always think that cooler heads should be the MO - not only is it more effective, but it is the right way to proceed. Our society is too much plagued by anger and rage - and ultimately it isn't the way to get what you want. Also, not to defend the teacher if she has a history of this type of behavior, but perhaps this was entirely out of character for her, especially if she seemed genuinely sorry for her tirade.

:grouphug:

[Tempest]

8. Try this

Write a letter to the principal of the school with the details of the incident. Send a copy to the local school board, the superintendent of the school district and to the state education department.

If you don't hear back in two weeks, write a letter to the editor of the local newspaper.


If she's still teaching at your brother's school next year, get a restraining order against her on your brother's behalf.

[roguevalley]

10. your anger is going to get you arrested and remove the moral

high ground that you currently occupy. revenge is not the way to go. you should go to a school board member that is open to parents and tell them your story without embellishments. Remember, the moment you give up rational behavior, you become 'one of them', the nutcase population that they close ranks against. Talk rationally, go to the right person, demand in a polite way that this needs attention. Tell them it cost this school not only a student, but the income such students bring.

Take care and don't be foolish. It might feel good right now but you will lose if you do anything else.

[mdmc]

11. talk to her first, imho

She was wrong, and she might be able to help you understand what was going on in her head. I would also look at advocacy groups for people with disabilities.

Peace and low stress to you and yours. My prayers are with your mom.

[mzteris]

12. "getting back"

won't help your brother.

That said, this teacher's behaviour MUST be reported - by your parents. Start with the Principal of the school. If you get no result/satisfaction there, go to the county/city school board. There is usually some type of ombudsman - ESPECIALLY for a kid with disabilities. If that doesn't work, get a lawyer.

For information on disability rights and advocacy, etc:

http://www.wrightslaw.com/


I know you're steamed but right now your brother needs some calm sane adults in his life. Let him know that it's the TEACHER's problem - not his. That his differences aren't something to be ashamed of nor go ballistic over. Teach him how to handle this type of discrimination and ignorance with pride and assurance - not anger and vituperative "getting back". I'm sure he'll encounter much worse in life and how he learns to handle it NOW is how he'll handle it later.

The teacher should be reprimanded by the school system. If it's at all possible for him to finish the year - where he is - let him. Teach him not to run away from his problems.

That said, I'm a huge advocate of homeschooling - especially for kids with learning differences - but that would be for next year. :)

One other thing - the education assistant should NOT have engaged in yelling at the teacher. S/he needs to be setting standards of behaviour as well. Who is this person? Are they provided by the school? They need to be reported as well for not handling the situation properly. They should have already reported the teacher at any rate.

[Orrex]

15. Holy shit, that's horrible!

If a World Geography teacher can be publicly humiliated for merely questioning the policies of the most malign bastard ever to hold the Oval Office, then a teacher who verbally assaults a disabled student should certainly get a serious dose of publicity, too. IMO.

However, I think that it would be risky for you to undertake a public shaming all by yourself. It can look like a vindictive crusade rather than a legitimate effort to redress an ugly abuse of position.

I applaud your brother's assistant for shutting down the teacher (twice!), and I applaud your brother for having the raw courage to attend classes in a public school. While I'm at it, I applaud your brother's nurse for removing him from that toxic and abusive scene.

At the very least this incident should go in the teacher's file, and it wouldn't hurt to require the teacher to be trained in interpersonal skills, either. A formal, written apology from the school district would be a nice touch, as well.

Those are just a few suggestions off the top of my head. If you do decide to undertake any sort of response on your own, then you should definitely clear it with your parents beforehand.

[ms liberty]

17. I'm so sorry you and your family are going thru this...

Upthread someone commented you should write a letter to the principal, school board, superintendent, et cetera; I agree with that, although I know how the School Board and Superintendent situation is in Charlotte now (it's my TV market, I live near Hickory). For those who don't know: Charlotte can't get their stuff (being nice!) together where the schools are concerned - they've been thru about 10 superintendents in about 15 years, and it's always the superintendents fault that things are crappy!

This really is a situation where your parents have to take the lead, they're his guardian which is how the school system will look at it. But I definitely think you should write a letter to the editor also. If it keeps up, you can always call Don at Action 9 News!

Mainly I wanted to post and tell you I'm thinking about you and your family, and sending you prayers/good vibes. Sometimes unfair things happen, cruel nasty unfair things. Karma really does work though, this teacher will reap what she has sown, sometime, someplace.

Peace

ps: are your parents still upset that you're not a bushbot anymore, or have they also seen the light? (I did read that they had found out, didn't I??!)

[pacalo]

18. I'm disgusted beyond words at that teacher.

Please give your sweet brother a hug for me. :hug:

I'm also concerned about how this affects your mom's health, since stress can have a negative impact on her.

I wish you all the best.

[pilgrimm]

20. That's aweful...that teacher should be fired

I agree with every one who said write a letter to the school board and the superintendent.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

21. Vindictive is not appropriate here

If this is the first time this teacher has behaved this way, something happened to cause a meltdown, and of course, something your brother had nothing to do with. Remember you are hearing the story from his point of view, or at least the assistant's and I can tell you that sometimes these situations (other professionals in the classroom) for some reason get adversarial. I guess it is territorial. I known a few ESE aides, etc., who are very vocal and opinionated about certain teachers and their classroom style..not saying this was the case, but trying to point out more facets than you are seeing. The assistant was as much at fault as the teacher. She should have seen to her charge and continued the dialogue later, out of his presence, and possibly with an intermediary or the principal, counselor, etc. Just a bad situation all around.

Remember, teachers (I'm one for 34 years) are human and have their weaknesses and boiling points. The goal here is to get the teacher on the same page with the family and the paraprofessionals. If she honestly feels he is being held back and coddled, she should make that clear..to her superiors.

There is nothing to gain for your brother by being vindictive. It won't help him, it won't hurt her (she probably has tenure) and it will aggravate a bad situation.

[Seen the light]

23. UPDATE

It appears that my parents might be willing to take this to the investigative reporter at Channel 9 news in Charlotte!

Thanks for all of the replies everyone. I decided not to do something rather mean that I was thinking about doing after all.

[MaryBear]

24. How will the news spotlight help your brother?

I'm sorry your brother had this experience. Your concern for him is evident.

But shining a spotlight on him may just make it worse.

My guess is he wants to be as normal as possible and to fit in.

The Aid and the Teacher were both wrong.

This teacher may be evil.

This teacher may be at the end of a long prickly rope without support.

Figure out how to help -- if you can, helping this teacher will go a long way toward helping your brother.

[Seen the light]

25. Funny you mention it

Since I updated last, we've decided not to do that after all because of the very reason you mentioned. It looks like the conference will have to suffice.

[Seen the light]

27. One last update in case anyone still remembers this

The teacher turned out to be so ashamed of what she did that she quit at the end of the school year.

I did let my parents handle it all after all and I think that was the right decision.

Thanks to everyone that replied to me, I know it's been a LONG time since I posted this, but I had forgotten about it soon after posting. Sorry about that!

[pop goes the weasel]

29. I guess that was her wake-up call

It told her it was time to get out of teaching before she hurt anyone else.

[dysfunctional press]

28. you need to let it go...vindictiveness is NEVER good.

nt

[kickysnana]

30. Your brother is disabled not helpless or less of a real person

Things like this happen to everyone and it needs to be dealt without without making it a federal case like he was physically attacked, or swore at. We all have to deal with some of this and he had people who stood up for him.

The teacher was wrong but don't go postal on her. All that will do is force her out of teaching or also turn vindictive and sabotage the next disabled kid? Teachers are under tremendous pressures today too. She did apologize and perhaps tried to do more.

We all carry a lot of baggage around from school and teachers but rather than "getting" the teacher how about making the whole atmosphere better for all students by being the better person? Goof for you to be protective but your brother is going to have to live in the world and the better he can learn to deal with difficult situations and people, the more "same" he will feel and the happier he will be. So bite your cheek while he learns to do this as part of growing up.

I hope there is a good outcome for everyone in this unfortunate incident.