HELP!!! Freeper email I need to respond to!

[romantico]

My Dad's girlfriend's son sends me emails almost everyday. They are usually corny little jokes & urban legends & are most the time good for a laugh. I know my Dad's girlfriend is a BIG TIME Bush supporter (her & I CAN NOT discuss subjects without fighting. Bush, GOP, WAL-MART,etc) Her son is also a freeper. Once in a while he send a political email that borders on pissing me off, but really for the most part are harless. I NEVER respond. Well, today I got one that really pissed me off.

I want to respond, but I need it to be short & to the point with a bitter sting towards freepers & Bush lovers. The email he sent is below. Read & advise. Thanks everyone!!!


A lady libertarian wrote alot of letters to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgent(terrorist)being held in Guantonamo Bay. She recieved back the following reply:

THE PENTAGON

SECRETARY OF DEFENSE

WASHINGTON D.C. 20016

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the taliban & Al Quaeda detainees currently being held at Guantonom Bay, Cuba.

Our adminsitration takes these matters seriously & your opinion was heard loud & clear here in Washginton at both the White House & the Pentagon.

You'll be pleased to learn that,thanks to the concerns of the citizen like yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "LIBERALS ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR KILLERS" program, or LARK for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrosit inder your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected & scheduled for transportaion under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday.

Ali Mohamed Ahmed Bu=in Mahumud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demand in your letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.

We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommend in your letter.

Although Ahmed is a sociopath & extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his 'attitude problem' will help him overcome these charachter flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling & home schooling.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand to hand combat & can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demosntarte these skills at your next yoga group. He is also a expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually), since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him & has ben known to show violent tendencies around woman who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropiate attire.

I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka-over time.

Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture & his religious beliefs" wasn't that how you put it?

Thanks againfor your letter. We truly appreictae it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed-& remember, we'll be watching.

Good Luck!

Cordially, your friend,

Don Rumsfield

[ThomCat]

1. Simple:

Nobody at Guantanamo has been shown to be a terrorist, so everything else in that e-mail is bullshit. After several years of imprisonment, interogation and torture the US has finally had to begin admitting that they rounded up a bunch of people who had nothing to do with terrorism.

[stop the bleeding]

5. have they even charged them with a crime?

I may be wrong but I don't think so.

Also has this email freeper ever heard of Jesus or Geneva?

[ThomCat]

8. Of course not.

That's the whole issue with military tribunals. Bush wants to convict them without any actual evidence or due process. He wants a private closed tribunal to guarantee convictions simply on his say-so.

[stop the bleeding]

19. I know

it was more rhetorical for the OP to respond to the freeper. ;)

[meegbear]

2. Found it in snopes

http://www.snopes.com/politics/war/lark.asp

Enbellished, of course. Tell dad-in-law to fuck off.

[unhappycamper]

39. Nice find.

:thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[Kire]

41. If you send them this...

...all they will do is latch onto the description "playfully entertaining" and rub it in your face.

Again: Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

[sinkingfeeling]

3. Do a quick google on Nazis and detainment and send it to him, signed

Don Rumsfeld or George W. Bush.

[CottonBear]

4. E-mail him and ask him to never again send this kind of crap to you.

You can't change his mind.

[Kire]

14. You can't make him listen either.

Something in your sig reminds me of "you can bring a horse to water, but you can't make him drink"

[CottonBear]

18. Is there a way to block e-mails from an individual?

I would try to screen out that kind of crap. I hate getting any kind of made up e-mail letter or story. Gawd! I hate that shit. What a freaking waste of time. I send that kind of stuff straight to the electronic garbage can.

[anarch]

20. is there a way to stab people in the face over the internet?

Maybe just send an electric shock?

[CottonBear]

22. Yikes!

I'd rather jsut ignore the crappy e-mails sent my way. If one has to respond, a Snopes link is one's best option.

[Kire]

40. It depends on your email software

Usually, there's a help section somewhere. Or you can google it.

[CottonBear]

43. Thanks for the info! n/t

[Bobbieo]

24. No - It;s "You can bring a Horticulture

but you can't make her think"!

[Beaverhausen]

6. always search snopes.com first

[ClassWarrior]

7. Hit "reply all" and demand he prove it.

Then listen to the crickets chirp. When you don't hear back from him in a few days, hit "reply all" and demand proof again, and make some comment like, "Typical RW nonsense, making accusations without any proof." Do this several times till the people on his email list understand that this guy is fulla BS.

NGU.

[ClassWarrior]

9. By the way, this one may have been easy to debunk on snopes...

...but I refuse to waste my time doing THEIR research for THEM. I always demand that they prove their own BS.

NGU.

[romantico]

12. I know he didn't mean this to be legit

nor did I take it that way. It was just pretty damn insulting to assume liberals fit this sterotype.

[gratuitous]

17. Maybe it's time to compose a few responsive emails

It shouldn't be too hard to find something objectionable on the knuckle-dragging right (Little Arfin' Annie is a mother lode for this type of thing). Then compose your own email, riffing off the objectionable part, and applying it to something they hold near and dear to their mean little hearts.

When they whine and squeal about -- and they will -- select from the following gratuitous brand (accept no substitutes) rejoinders:

Cancha take a joke?

The truth hurts, doesn't it?

You're just a godless reactionary.

I must have struck a nerve for you to get so worked up.

I get criticism from both sides, so it's obvious I'm even-handed and totally fair.

You're insane with rage.

[ClassWarrior]

26. Doesn't matter. Either hold his feet to the fire or ignore him.

Don't let him trap you into getting upset or wasting your time searching out proof that he'll never accept.

NGU.

[LSK]

10. start emailing him posts from here or truthout or mediamatters

Dont directly respond to his trash.

[in_cog_ni_to]

11. Most of the Gitmo prisoners are farmers that the Afghan warlords rounded

up and were paid $5000 per head. I would also tell the asshole that I am a LIBERAL and don't appreciate these emails. Then, send him THIS:

http://usmilitary.about.com/library/pdf/enlistment.pdf

and THIS:

"A DAY IN THE LIFE OF JOE REPUBLICAN"

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised.

All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance - now Joe gets it too.

He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industries from polluting our air.

He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union.

If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime. Joe also forgets that his in addition to his federally subsidized student loans, he attended a state funded university.

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards to go along with the tax-payer funded roads.

He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans.

The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."

[SidDithers]

29. That was excellent...

I wish we could nominate replies. Bookmarking will just have to do! :hi:

Thanks for posting.

Sid

[in_cog_ni_to]

34. Thanks! and you're welcome! Joe Republican...one of my all time favorites!

:hi:

[Kire]

13. Don't respond at all.

just block him

I'm serious

[mnhtnbb]

15. Several options:

1) Tell him that every time he sends you a Bushco oriented e-mail, you'll respond with the truth as you see it (send him editorials from Buzzflash, etc.)

2) Ignore him.

3) Set your e-mail so that NOTHING from him comes through and he doesn't get the chance to piss you off.

4) Ask him politely, in the interest of getting along, to cease and desist from sending political e-mail. If he won't do it, then go to #3.

[thoughtanarchist]

16. respond with a letter about the COWARD program...

Conservatives for Our Warriors Abuse, Rendition, and Dismemberment

Basically observing that conservatives have such a deep desire to see random middle eastern people abused that they are willing to have our own soldiers treated in kind.

That will wipe the smugness from that false little anecdote pretty quick.

[Momgonepostal]

21. Does he think Liberal and Libertarian are the same thing?

He starts off by talking about a "lady Libertarian"--what the heck is that, anyway? Like a regular Libertarian only with pink flowers?--but then the letter essentially makes fun of liberals. I can only conclude that the orginal author is too dumb to know the difference and your email friend didn't notice the difference.

[Swamp Rat]

23. Ask him which one is he: a Nazi or a Stalinist?

Go on the offensive and NEVER back down!

Demand to know why he HATES America and why he HATES Jesus and why he HATES U.S. soldiers.

[RebelOne]

25. This is a satire. It's been circulating for a year or so. n/t

[Mabus]

27. Here's my reply

Dear Mr. Rumsfeld,

Thank you for your response. I understand that you are quite busy making sure all those letters to the parents of dead soldiers bear your faux signature, so I appreciate the time your personal response took.

I would love to take in a someone from Gitmo as long as you live up to your end of the bargain, that is, that you take Ahmed's place. I believe this an almost mandated action under the policies of this current administration's fixation on the Old Testament. Specifically I am referring to the passage (and its related passages) that contain the phrase "an eye for an eye". I'd look it up for you but since I am a liberal you'll understand that I don't have a Bible around to consult. I'd call some friends for a citation but they're liberals too, so I'm sure none of them would have a Bible either.

But back to what you can do to seal this deal. In keeping with the Biblical spirit (no pun intended) you should take Ahmed's place. Or, in the event that all Gitmo prisoners have already been placed, you can take the place of any individual currently held without charge in any foreign and/or domestic installation that the United States has under its charge. In addition, you will be required to live as they do - whether it is wearing pretty pink panties on your head or having a large Army-trained dog licking peanut butter off your naughty bits.

While you are living under the same conditions that Ahmed has been living you should be aware that your keepers may not wish to interact with you (except sexually) since they will view you a subhuman form of property. This may cause you some mental anxiety but don't worry, any action taken toward you while you are under the care of your keepers is sanctioned by millions of red-blooded American patriots. You should also be aware that many of your day-to-day keepers will be military personnel, and since Americans believe in supporting their troops without question, please do not try to bother the American media with any problems you encounter.

Your family, of course, will not be notified as to your whereabouts or the reason for your sudden trip. I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by burlap bag hoods in time. Also, try to use some of the interrogation techniques used upon you as part of a new physical exercise regime. Standing on crates with electrodes attached to your scrotum can be viewed, over time, as a coordination exercise that will help as you grow older. Mind games can help keep your brain active and help ward off (or delay) the effects of Alzheimer's.

For quality control purposes, videos, photos and transcripts will be made available to me. I want to make sure that you have truly taken Ahmed's place. I want to make sure that the bedding, furnishings, meals, dogs, etc. are of the type that Ahmed was used to living with.

Before you leave, you might want to acquaint yourself with how you can use simple items like pencils or nail clippers as WMDs ("Weapons for My Defense") during your incarceration.

Just remember that it is all part of respecting this new "Bush Doctrine" culture and the religious beliefs of those, like yourself, currently in power.

Thanks again for your letter. Please let me know when you are shipped off and then I will make arrangements to pick up Ahmed. You take care and remember, we'll be watching.

Good Luck!

Cordially, your friend,


Mabus


P.S. fwiw, I hope you are keeping up with the latest news concerning the lowered standards for recruits.

[SheilaT]

31. Oh, wow!

What a fantastic reply. Is it okay if I save it and use it in case anyone is dumb enough to send me the OP's email?

Personally, I tend to do a REPLY ALL whenever I get crap like the original post, and a few weeks ago I got into a nasty argument with a cousin over some such idiocy, which actually involved several of the other recipients of the original email and my reply. I was being flamed, and of course kept on standing up for my side. But after one or two public referrals to Snopes (which is always useful), most people don't even consider including me in one of their mass emailings.

Heck, no one should ever forward anything to everyone in their address book. That's one of the best ways to spread viruses. Plus, no matter what the missive is, not everyone will appreciate it. I never do a mass emailing. Never.

[Mabus]

32. Go for it!

Add to it or rephrase the awkward parts.

I hate those types of e-mails.

[Habibi]

45. That's bloody excellent.

I'm going to steal it too, just in case!

[sui generis]

28. oh really, dickweed?

(that would be my first sentence)

because under our justice system we KNOW people are killers and violent and sociopaths by use of evidence, and by charging them with those crimes.

In guantanamo, all it takes is for some yahoo to say the guy has three assholes and eats babies. How do you know they can kill you with a pair of toenail clippers?

I have tried to kill myself with a pair of toenail clippers, and I knew what I was doing, having been trained in the ancient art of toe-fu.

I can tell you it's a lot harder than it looks. So if you big hairy ape man are so piss-your-pants skeert of a teenager with a pair of toenail clippers that you have to lock him away in fear of your worthless life, Donald, then I suggest you start worrying about sociopathic violent liberals with toenail clippers who are in much greater abundance in America than goatherders kidnapped off some subsistence farm in Afghanistan. Beware the gays with tweezers. Just a warning. And wear clean underwear, cause after you see this, first you'll say it, then you'll do it.

[Bjornsdotter]

30. Roflmao

The ancient art of Toe-fu! :rofl:

Cheers! :toast:

[lumberjack_jeff]

33. In the months since this email was written...

and in the years since Bush described the detainees as "the worst of the worst", Bush has quietly released thousands of them. There are now only about 500 incarcerated there.

If I recall correctly, freeper types didn't like it too much when it was Willie Horton getting furloughed, but Bush has now released thousands, because conducting trials for these people would be too embarrassing.

There are only six people who are standing trial for terror attacks, Imad Achab Kanouni, Khaled Ben Mustapha, Redouane Khalid, Brahim Yadel, Mourad Benchellali and Nizar Sassi. Why only these six? Well, they are all French citizens and after Bush released them, french authorities picked 'em up to face charges.

So if freepers like the idea that terrorists are being brought to justice, they should thank France.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20060702/wl_afp/francetrialusattacks

[MyNameGoesHere]

35. You know you can block spam n/t

[Gato Moteado]

36. send the chickenhawk freeper an email asking him......

...why he hasn't enlisted yet.

you can even send him some enlistment forms. tell him if he doesn't sign up for the iraq war, then he's got no nads, just like all other freeper filth.

[shain from kane]

37. It's Rumsfeld, not Rumsfield. Freeper can't even spell his hero's name

correctly. Moran.

[mnhtnbb]

38. Here's what you send him! From another DU thread

http://media.theaustralian.news.com.au/20060710%20Bad%20Boy%20of%20Guantanamo.html

[Rosemary2205]

42. Seriously, why spread the hate?

Instead of a nasty bitter sting why not simply call it what it is. Why not simply tell him the hate he sends to your mailbox on a daily basis is unwelcome. Remind him life is probably too short to carry that much hate toward our fellow Americans and that surely we can manage to find a way to pull together to solve some of the real problems facing our country.

That's just me. When confronted with this kind of idiocy I always make the attempt to remind the giver that we are all in the same boat and life is too short and too hard to come by to waste it fighting each other.

[gr8dane_daddy]

44. Your Dad's dating a repube???!?!?!?!

I would have asked him when he was shipping out to Iraq. If he ain't shipping out, he should be shutting up!

[maxrandb]

46. Hit "reply to all"

and simply type.

"Since you forward idiotic e-mail like this, you might be too stupid to make it, but below is a link to the nearest Amry Recruiting Station. Please forward to all of your Republican Bushbot 18-41 year old friends. When you get to Iraq, I'll know that you're keeping me safe from the 'terrist' and you won't have to waste your time by sending me crap like this"

(insert link to Army Recruiting here. You can Google it)