March 28, 2021

aaarrrrrgh. taxes. 2 yrs worth.

there's a line in a steve earle song from the w years- and cheatin on our taxes is the best that we can do.

so, yeah, there were other reasons why i didnt file last year, but knowing who got to spend the money was most def one of them. even tho it's gonna cost me, i'm glad i held on to it til joe could spend it.

fairly complicated return. rental property, etc.
pita, as i am not the least bit organized and have to go drag through my bank records for everything.

but my desk is clean, my office is fairly clean, things on the farm are close enough to on schedule, so tax time it is.
i have an offer in on a piece of property, and i need to do a refi, so i need to get this done now.

wish me luck.
not sure how early beer o'clock will be today, but it wont be 5.

March 28, 2021

i need book recs.

so, i have been trying hard to reconcile w my kids.
after my divorce, the family flew apart. it had to happen. there were already rifts.
my 2 girls totally blame me for their mental illnesses, going back to high school. and the middle one was tentatively dx'd as bpd, mostly on the basis of her telling lies about ppl to get them in trouble. me, 1st and foremost, but she also did it at therapeutic school.
she swore i beat her regularly, and is so convincing, the other kids believe it even tho they didnt see it.
all of them can point to 1-2 times i lost my shit, and took a poke or a swat at them. that's it. but somehow that is enough.

anyway, she was talking to me before she moved out of town. then i pissed off the youngest, so she is back to not speaking to me.

so, here is where the book thing comes in.
a thing she did w her counselor in hs was read books. she used to be a voracious reader. i dont know any more. it was something that worked rly, rly well for her.
so i had a thought of finding a book for her to read about what it is like to raise a kid w a mi.
i have reconciled w the ex, and he has been a go between to see if we can get past this crap.
i dont think he really understands what i went through, and if i found the right book, i would try to get him to read it first. just having him get a better picture cant hurt.

so, thoughts?

March 22, 2021

incredibly clear satellite pics of the great lakes.

https://www.woodtv.com/bills-blog-2/incredibly-clear-satellite-pics-of-the-great-lakes/

March 21, 2021

sharing a reply to a thread about why people garden-

so, this was a reply to a thread about why people garden.
the op gardened to keep her grief at bay.

but this is why i have always done it.

the thing about gardening, for me, is that it roots me in time. it chains me to the wheel of life and seasons and time. i watch things grow, and from them i can tell the time. i can see it's arrow. it assures me there is a future. another spring coming after this one, and the next one and the one after that. that it's all one big circle.

March 16, 2021

i have a question. haaland says she is 35th generation pueblo.

i dont question the depths of her roots.
but i am curious as hell to know if she really has the names of 35 generations of ancestors.
who is are the 1st ppl on that tree?

i mean, that's well over 1000 years.
as someone who thinks of herself as firmly rooted to a place, i am mostly jealous. i have traced back 5 generations in ireland, but i have people all over that island.
and i ended up in the u.s. but i am irish to my core.
i was raised to be proud of that, but until recently, in my 60's, i didnt know my history. so i didnt know what, exactly, i had to be proud of. now i know, and i have a lot to be proud of, including some amazing ancestors.

i think a lot about nomads v rooted people. it would take a truck load of tnt to get me off the spot that i am. i pray one of my kids ends up here when i am gone.
tho i did move away from my hometown, and moved a few times after that, i have been in this house for 35 years.
i feel like if my roots were that deep, i'd be 20' tall.

she seems 20' tall to me.
so, my question is, how extensive is the history of actual pueblo individuals?

sorry to ramble on when it is a pretty simple question.

March 9, 2021

well, maybe i opened a door.

so all this w second son comes against a background of a divorce after a 30 yr marriage, and a complete split in the family.
dad is the hero, and everyone hates me. that has thawed this last year, partly because of all this drama.
things are pretty cordial w the ex, and feelers have been extended to the other kids.
cutting people off until you let them back in is just a thing we do in my big irish family.
i do it myself. not rly talking to my siblings right now.
sometimes the wounds never do heal. when i traced my family tree i found a bunch of aunts and uncles that i never heard a peep about.

but most times, we do. or enough of us do. sometimes that means a tragedy, but sometimes it takes a celebration.

so. since the split in '14, thanksgiving has been the minimal possible thing in my life.
i volunteered a lot of them, had adopted family.
i decided that i am going to do a big deal this year. anyone who can be an adult is invited.
i let the ex know, and graeme.

it'll give me a deadline to take care of some issues w the house. and early warning will give them time for it to sink in.
i failed as a mom in a ton of ways, but 1 thing i def got right is that i gave them siblings.
that saved my life growing up. the bonds get strained sometimes. but they are way tighter than i was w my family.
they're all tired of dealing w their brother, but he is still their brother. that means something to every one of them. there are wounds. he passed along his misery.
but they all know why now. if i can get them all to show up, i know it will lift him up.

i know whether they admit it or not, they want to be back in this house, too.
it's always been a work in progress, and there have been changes that some of them didnt see.
there's a few small projects on the to-do-list that i know will make my heirs happy.

so, not sure how far this gets him, but it cant be a bad thing to wrap him up in home and family for a bit.

March 1, 2021

a hot bed of civil rights debate- little free libraries.

so, i have a lfl on my farm. there are a couple of fb groups that i follow for stewards. 1 is the official page, and the other is 'progressive stewards'
i have no idea what caused the split in the 1st place, but i do know it was politics rearing it's ugly head.

of late racism has been a hot topic on the main board. the subtle racism in a lot of dr seuss's books was a hot button. it's gone about like you'd expect.
i dont usually post in either group. but this am i decided to throw in my 2 cents.

posted this on both-

i dont usually post in this group, nor the leftier page, tho i do read. but i want to support those trying to make racism visible to those who dont see it.
if your mission is providing books to children, and you dont see how racist a lot of children's lit is, then you rly ought to educate yourself.
it is understandable that people who have not lived it cannot see it as easily as those who have. it is often devilishly subtle, and based on stereotypes that are very, very old.
obviously folks who go to the trouble to keep a lfl want to make the world a better place. and especially for children.
if you find yourself clinging to old fashioned stories, old worldviews, and old characters that seem harmless to you, take this wonderful opportunity to see the world through new eyes. other eyes.

because, really, isnt that what we all want from books?

ftr, i still love dr zeuss. there are a couple books i wouldnt put in my library, but you cant beat 'the sneeches' for a lesson in the stupidity of racism. or 'yertle the turtle' for a lesson in how totalitarianism works.

but yeah, who knew?