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Initech's Journal
Initech's Journal
August 31, 2013

Dumb Criminals: Woman Hid Stolen $5000 Cash In Rectum

AUGUST 30--A Tennessee woman is hospitalized and facing a criminal charge for allegedly stealing $5000 from her boyfriend, cash she hid in her rectum and unsuccessfully sought to retrieve with a toilet brush and tongs when confronted by the theft victim, police report.

Christie Black, 43, swiped the money at the residence she shared with Bobby Gulley, according to a Hawkins County Sheriff’s Office report.

Gulley told deputies early Tuesday that the cash--in $100 denominations--had been in two envelopes inside a medicine bag that he placed atop a foosball table. Gulley further explained he did this to “set a trap” for Black, whom he suspected had been stealing from him.


August 30, 2013

Dumb Criminals: Man's Attempt To Smuggle Live Fish Through Pants At Airport Fails Big Time

A man’s master plan to smuggle live fish into New Zealand was thwarted after airport officials saw his trousers were dripping wet.

If you plan to sneak fish into another country it is probably best you come up with a better transport method than stuffing them in your pockets.

Sadly this advice came too late for a Vietnamese resident travelling from Australia who tried to smuggle seven cichlids by hiding them in plastic bags in his trousers.

But his plan failed when water begun to seep from the bags and was detected by official


August 30, 2013

Guy Takes Laptop On Movie Date To Participate In Fantasy Football Draft

Take a look at the picture above. Do you see anything wrong with it? If your immediate response is "no," then you need just as much help as this guy. In case you're wondering, dude was there with his girlfriend, according to the Twitter user who took the pic, @steakNstiffarms. Look, we understand the importance of not missing your draft time, but this is a little ridiculous. Couldn't he work out a deal with his girl, like going to the movies a little earlier or later or another day?!

Anyway, we gotta take the time out to commend dude's girlfriend for being so accepting of his fantasy football addiction. That's wifey material right there, fam.


August 29, 2013

Oral Roberts University Holds "Bald Eagle Day", Turns Out To Be Epic Fail

Really, the kind of fail that words cannot describe.

The eagle was one of two birds brought to the Christian school to celebrate Golden Eagle Day on Aug. 21, officials said.

“U-S-A! U-S-A!” the students chanted as the bald eagle swirled around the room.

But after one lap, the cheers turned into a gasps of horror as the bird — which was supposed to land on the arm of its trainer, Roger Wallace — soared straight for a window and smacked into the glass.

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/video-flyover-fail-bald-eagle-crashes-window-oklahoma-school-falls-ground-article-1.1439452#ixzz2dOcPzLiN

August 29, 2013

US Scientist Thinks All Life On Earth Might Be Of Martian Origin

We may all be Martians.

Evidence is building that Earth life originated on Mars and was brought to this planet aboard a meteorite, said biochemist Steven Benner of The Westheimer Institute for Science and Technology in Florida.

An oxidized form of the element molybdenum, which may have been crucial to the origin of life, was likely available on the Red Planet's surface long ago, but unavailable on Earth, said Benner, who presented his findings today (Aug. 28; Aug. 29 local time) at the annual Goldschmidt geochemistry conference in Florence, Italy. [The Search for Life on Mars (Photo Timeline)]


August 29, 2013

Man's Funeral Interrupted By Airplane PA Announcements

But the mysterious voice heard through speakers during a funeral service was in fact a stewardess on a passing plane telling passengers to prepare for landing.

Friends and family of Brendan Duffy had gathered at St Edward's Church in Windsor, Berkshire, to pay their final respects after the Dublin-born grandfather-of-four died on August 8, aged 78.

But as his nephew Joe Duffy was reading the eulogy, everyone was suddenly told to 'fasten their seat belts' and 'prepare doors for landing'.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2405341/Prepare-doors-landing-Funeral-interrupted-air-stewardess-message-radio-signals-passing-plane-picked-churchs-speakers.html#ixzz2dNodLaRk

August 29, 2013

The 2014 Ford Fiesta Now Comes In Bacon Flavor

In the last few years, bacon has been incorporated into everything from lip balm and bar soap to dessert and even cocktails. Now, Ford has come up with a way to cover cars in the beloved breakfast meat (sort of).

To celebrate International Bacon Day, the American car company is giving customers the chance to wrap their 2014 Ford Fiestas in bacon. Buyers interested in making their neighbors drool can order up a Fiesta subcompact car wrapped in one of four vinyl graphics showing off everyone’s favorite breakfast meat.

(MORE: WATCH: Bacon Is a Man’s Best Friend)

Ford-driving bacon fans can go the whole-hog and wrap their entire car in bacon stickers or the more faint of heart can position a few juicy strips as racing stripes down the sides or slap one or two around the rear wheel wells or on the fenders. The wraps are available along with Ford’s other less-delicious looking wraps on the Fiesta graphics website. Prices start at $78 plus installation.

Read more: http://newsfeed.time.com/2013/08/28/finally-you-can-wrap-your-ford-in-bacon/#ixzz2dKvXtWyG

August 28, 2013

Bar Patron Intentionally Swallows Human Toe Meant For Famous Cocktail

Even in the best of circumstances, Dawson City's famed Sourtoe Cocktail doesn't go down smoothly.

On Saturday night, however, the cocktail's marquee ingredient -- an actual human toe -- went down a way it was never meant to.

Served by the Sourtoe Cocktail club at Dawson City's Downtown Hotel, the Sourtoe can be any drink -- what makes it a Sourtoe Cocktail is the addition of a real, preserved amputated toe, which is dropped into the glass.

As reported by CBC News, on Saturday, an American visiting the town in Yukon, for the summer downed his Sourtoe Cocktail, toe and all.

The mixer of choice was reportedly a shot of whisky.


August 28, 2013

Dumb Criminals: Man Dresses Like Cop And Destroys Actual Cop Car

During the wee hours of last Wednesday morning Joseph Nicholas Kovacevic is accused of burglarizing several cars and homes in a Riverview subdivision.

In most of the vehicle break-ins the glove compartments were opened and searched but not much of anything of value was found. Three dollars was taken from one car and cigarettes from another, according to a news release from the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office.

But as Kovacevic was attempting to break into one home, a neighbor spotted him and called out to the 21-year-old Riverview man, who then hid behind a tree, the release stated.

Kovacevic was sporting a ballistic vest with “Police” on it and had handcuffs hanging from his belt when the neighbor confronted him and asked him to identify himself, according to the report.

Kovacevic allegedly responded “I am the Police” before fleeing from the scene.

August 28, 2013

Dumb Criminals: Man Charged With Dousing Cop Car With Poop

Here's a novel way of getting rid of unwanted visitors: Keep a load of crap near your door.

A woman called Fort Pierce cops afer a man, identified as Monax Alsaint, hit her back with an empty beer bottle, reports Will Greenlee in his Off the Beat blog for TCPalm.com in Stuart.

A responding cop and the women then went to Alsaint's apartment, where the 68-year-old man greeted the 35-year-old woman by hurling a bucket of poop and pee at her, covering her upper body, according to the report.


Flordia? Poop? Dumb criminals? Arrest? Cops? There's seven drinks in one!

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