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Initech's Journal
Initech's Journal
January 30, 2015

Dumb Criminals: Florida Man Pees Off Balcony And Onto Waitress

In the classic comedy "Airplane!," the character Ted Striker knew he had a drinking problem when he was no longer able to get liquid to his mouth.

Key West food runner Orion B. Jones' moment of clarity came after he urinated on a waitress from a night-club balcony early Saturday morning.

Jones, 20, was arrested after a foot chase on Duval Street, where he was stun-gunned twice before Key West police officers were able to cuff him.

Around 2:20 a.m., the officers were called to the Crows Nest, one of eight bars in the Rick's and Durty Harry's nightclub on Duval. The waitress was talking with a customer when she began feeling something wet on her body, Officer Curtis Richardson wrote in his report.

The waitress first thought it was raining until a colleague pointed to Jones and said "he is peeing on you."

Nightclub security was called and bouncers chased Jones throughout the complex. When cops arrived, the bouncers and Jones were fighting on the ground.

January 22, 2015

Really Dumb Criminals: Ohio Man Fleeing Traffic Stop Drives Right Into Prison Parking Lot

A man who took Toledo police on a brief pursuit drove himself right into the parking lot of the Toledo Correctional Institution.

Jason Davis, 33, of Monroe, is charged in Toledo Municipal Court with two counts of vandalism of government property, failure to comply, possession of drugs, resisting arrest, obstructing official business, drug paraphernalia, failure to stop at a stop sign, and not using a turn signal.

Police reported that a marked unit tried to stop a car at Ash Street and Stickney Avenue at about 2:30 a.m. today. Instead of stopping, the vehicle sped away and eventually went into the prison's parking lot off of Central Avenue, ramming through a gate.

Read more at http://www.toledoblade.com/Police-Fire/2015/01/21/Police-chase-ends-in-parking-lot-of-Toledo-prison.html#ASShrTaZcm4CjPSp.99

January 17, 2015

George Carlin Narrows The 10 Commandments Down To 2

"Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone unless they pray to a different invisible man than you do."

January 9, 2015

Bill Cosby Boots Heckler, Makes Creepy Date Rape Joke At Toronto Show

Bill Cosby’s first significant stand-up show since allegations of him being a serial rapist resurfaced was an awkward affair, beginning with a heckler who repeatedly yelled, “You are a rapist!”

“No, no — stop,” the comedian told the heckler. “Stop it.”

“No clapping — nothing. That’s right,” he then told the audience as the man continued to yell “You are a rapist!” while being escorted out of the building by security.

“It’s OK,” Cosby said, “just have patience. It’s OK.”

When the man was finally removed, the audience began to applaud wildly and Cosby resumed his show with a joke about how his daughter and wife “can’t stand him.”

Later in the show, Cosby became aware that a woman had abandoned her seat and appeared to be leaving. He asked her what she was doing.

According to reporters at the show, she said, “I’m going to get a drink” — to which Cosby, who has been adamantly reticent on the allegations against him, replied: “You have to be careful about drinking around me.”


He may have shot himself in the foot with that joke there.

January 8, 2015

Dumb Criminals: Florida Man Trashes Psychics Car After Spooky Grandma Sex Dream Predicted

A Florida man's reaction to the premonitions of his allegedly psychic girlfriend was anything but predictable.

Police in Vero Beach said Casey Molter, 28, trashed his girlfriend's 1997 Nissan Altima after the so-called psychic allegedly told him his dead grandmother would appear in his dreams and, as the report put it, "commit an unusual sex act to him involving an adult erotic device," the Mirror reports.

The incident happened Nov. 24, but recently came to light via TCPalm.com.

Officials were called to the couple's apartment around 7:45 a.m. to break up a physical altercation between Molter and his girlfriend.

During the fight, the suspect allegedly damaged his girlfriend's car and smashed her cell phone.


I saw Spooky Grandma Sex Dream at the Troubadour last week.
January 8, 2015

Thanks, Anti Vaccination Crusaders!

Nine people who visited Disneyland or Disney California Adventure Park in December have confirmed cases of measles, state public health officials announced Wednesday.

Three further suspected cases of the highly infectious, airborne viral disease are under investigation, according to a news release from the California Department of Public Health.

All of the confirmed and suspected cases were for individuals who reported visiting the Anaheim theme parks between Dec. 15 and Dec. 20, the release stated.

“It is likely that a person infectious with measles was at one of the theme parks on these dates. People can be infectious with measles for nine days,” the state’s news release said. “Several large contact investigations are ongoing.”


January 1, 2015

Dumb Criminals: DUI Suspect Takes Selfie After Getting Arrested

Police say an Iowa City man took a "selfie" after being detained for drunken driving early Sunday.

James Jay Dunham, 26, of 116 Friendship St., was arrested for first-offense drunken driving at 1:57 a.m. at the intersection of Iowa Avenue and Gilbert Street.

According to a police report, Dunham snapped a photo of himself while being held in the OWI room, telling an officer he "just wanted to let his family know he was OK."

Dunham, whose blood alcohol content was .084, admitted to drinking a bottle of wine that day and one drink that night. He was wearing three bar wrist bands and had slurred speech, bloodshot eyes and unsteady balance, according to the report.


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