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Initech's Journal
Initech's Journal
September 28, 2016

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #43: Wheel O Corruption IX: With A Vengeance Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #43: Wheel O’ Corruption IX: With A Vengeance Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Ask your doctor if TTCI is right for you. Take two TTCI twice a day if you are experiencing any symptoms relating to nausea, induced vomiting, rashes, headache, fever, or simple confusion. Stop taking TTCI immediately if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or death. TTCI – take control of conservative idiocy! Ah, that’s enough of that. We are moving the Top 10 back to Wednesdays for a while because I have a travel schedule for the next few weeks that will make it so I miss Sunday morning. So we missed a lot of shit while we were gone last week. You had Apple coming up with the best idea ever for losing a $160 pair of headphones, to Samsung Galaxy Note 7 phones catching fire and exploding, to a guy who made a real life Transformers car, to a woman who modeled with an octopus, and of course science did some research into Mickey Mouse’s sex life, and it isn’t pretty. And in case you were wondering, why yes, I have been reading the Huffington Post weird news section quite a lot while we were gone last week! So John Oliver is back and this time he breaks down both sides of the spectrum when it comes to scandals, but Donald Trump’s scandals far eclipse the bullshit the GOP is trying to lay on Hillary:

So where do we begin this week? Well for starters we are going to recap the debates this week, and to do so, we are dusting off the mighty Wheel O’Corruption! Yeah, the kids love the wheel don’t they? This is the ninth (NEIN!!!) edition of the Wheel Of Corruption, and Kevin Smith’s new movie Yoga Hosers, there’s a line where a character says “So much nein it’s almost a 10!” For that the first two slots are going to go to a debate recap. It’s Trump Vs. Hillary: Yawn Of Justice (1, 2). And the first slot we have to dedicate it to Donald Trump bringing up his old feud with Rosie O’Donnell during the debate. It’s insane. The second slot we’re going to mention Donald Trump’s sniffing, while Howard Dean accused him of being a coke addict. In the third slot we are going to talk about Donald Trump’s sons Uday and Qusay, er, Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump. Seems that Trump Jr. got in a bit of a Twitter beef over some remarks that he made that were, um, controversial. We will break that down for you. Taking the number 4 and 5 slots this week of course is Donald Trump. There is a lot of Trump madness that we missed since we were gone last week and we’ll try and recap some of the craziest stuff for you. Number 4 – we’re discussing Hillary Clinton’s appearance on Zach Galafinakis’ “Between Two Ferns” and Mr. Galafinakis taking some well deserved shots at Trump. Number 5 we’re going to talk about who really won the debate. At number 6, Donald Trump stage prop Chris Christie (6) is getting his ass handed to him for his role in Bridgegate. Taking the number 7 slot – is Wells Fargo (7). They’re still feeling the heat from the phony account scandal, but the CEO robber barons are out to prove the house always wins. In the number 8 slot, is the Bathroom Police (8). So you think North Carolina’s HB-2 is insane? Wait until you see what Arizona passed! Plus Caitlyn Jenner still doesn’t get that Republicans are getting her to vote against her best interests. And there’s a lot of other madness surrounding the Bathroom Police we are going to talk about. Taking the number 9 slot (NEIN!!!), I am going to do a version of a classic George Carlin bit and tell you what’s going to be on TV tonight (9), because there is a lot of shit out there, along with what Rolling Stone has named the worst TV show ever – Duck Dynasty!!! Yay!!! Finally this week – we here at the Top 10 are going to play Consumer Watchdog Advocate. So the Samsung Galaxy Note 7 has been in the news a lot for a giant battery problem – and it’s a huge one. So we are going to tell you why you shouldn’t be buying the Galaxy Note 7. And finally this week – for putting up with my nonsense, how about some live music from Bastille? Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! The kids they love some Bastille. Bet you didn’t think I could get a band like that on my dog and pony show, could I? Well I have proved you wrong, sir / madam! They have an amazing new album out called “Wild World” that’s available everywhere you can purchase music. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[font size="8"]Trump V. Hillary: Yawn Of Justice Pt. 1[/font]

Come on everybody say it with me – it’s time for the: WHEEL OF CORRUPTION!!!!!

And of course if we had a bigger budget we’d have our own graphics and theme music. The wheel is back everybody!! yes just like last time I’ll talk about whatever the wheel lands on. But remember that if it lands on the Guacamole option that it costs $1.50 extra. So this week the items on the wheel will be:
- Gun Nuts
- Go Directly To Jail
- Clip Without Context
- Guacamole
- 5,000
- Between Two Ferns
- Music
- Community Chest
- Bankrupt
- Morally Bankrupt
- Satan
- Chance
- Buy A Vowel
- Donald Trump
- My Wife
- Bathrooms
- Whammy
- A Recent Study
- Constitution
- Guns
- VR Headset
- Babies
- Late Breaking News
- People Who Somehow Got Elected
- 10,000
- How Is This Still A Thing?
- Fox News
- Jersey Shore
- 15,000
- New Products
- Congress
- Conspiracy Theories
- Interviews
- Something random in the news
- ??? (Mystery)
- Florida (Obviously)
- Infowars
- Lightning Round
- Bonus Spin

Let’s get going! Spin that shit. Donald Trump.So we’re not going to have anything wacky to start things off with because the debates themselves were wacky. And I mean really wacky. We’ll get to Careless Sniffing in the next entry. So here’s precisely where the debates went south for Trump. He brought out his decades old feud with Rosie O’Donnell during the debates.

It apparently wouldn’t be a debate without Donald Trump saying something derogatory about Rosie O’Donnell.

Toward the end of Monday’s presidential debate, the GOP nominee called out O’Donnell while discussing how he decided against doing something “extremely rough” to opponent Hillary Clinton and her family.

“Rosie O’Donnell, I said very tough things to her, and I think everybody would agree that she deserves it, and nobody feels sorry for her,” Trump said. “But you want to know the truth. I was going to say something extremely rough to Hillary, to her family, and I said to myself, ‘I can’t do it. I just can’t do it. It’s inappropriate. It’s not nice.’ She’s spent hundreds of millions of dollars on negative ads on me, many of which are absolutely untrue … I will tell you this Lester [Holt]: It’s not nice, and I don’t deserve that.”

And Rosie fired back at Trump’s false accusations:

Rosie O’Donnell called Donald Trump an “orange anus” in response to the GOP presidential candidate’s assertion during the debate Monday that she “deserves” to be insulted.

In the clip, which O’Donnell claims is the source of bad blood between them, she does a vicious impression of Trump on “The View” while discussing a 2006 news conference where Trump announced Miss USA Tara Conner could keep the crown after facing criticism for partying.

At the presidential debate on Monday night, Trump did not back down on his thoughts regarding O’Donnell. He has previously called her “dumb,” “a slob,” “disgusting,” and most recently said she had a “fat, ugly face.”

First off, who needs butter?

Second, Orange Anus might be the worst thing on the menu at Orange Julius.

And there’s more – this whole thing is stemming from a 2011 feud when Donald Trump called her out on Twitter after her new girlfriend:

The arch enemies got into a Twitter feud in 2011 after Trump tweeted that he felt sorry for her new partner in love, with O’Donnell responding: “wow u r an ass.”

Trump also blasted O’Donnell last July calling her return to “The View” a “disaster,” saying it proved how desperate ABC was. “Rosie is crude, rude, obnoxious and dumb — other than that I like her very much!” he tweeted.

During the debate, O’Donnell added, “He will never be president.”


And wait – we’re still not done! Like a good Republican, Donald Trump is doing that thing of pretending like what happened in the past never happened at all:

Donald Trump hit Rosie O’Donnell Monday night at the first presidential debate of the general election -- all the while defending himself against Hillary Clinton’s claims that he’s made several sexist comments in the past.

“Rosie O’Donnell, I said very tough things to her and I think everyone would agree that she deserves it and nobody feels sorry for her,” Trump said at the Hofstra University debate.

In the past, Trump has called the former talk show host a “true loser” and a “slob” -- comments he’s been pressed on at a previous Republican primary debate.

The comments at Monday night’s forum were a response to Clinton’s charge that “this is a man who has called women pigs, slobs and dogs.”

And we’re still not done! Apparently Trump has Tweeted about Rosie O’Donnell more than his own wife!

Donald Trump has an arch-nemesis. It's not Jeb Bush or Ted Cruz or even Hillary Clinton, nor is it Megyn Kelly or the media or the Academy Awards — although Trump isn't particularly fond of any of them, either. But long before he ever stepped on a debate stage, Trump was locking horns with comedian and television host Rosie O'Donnell, and he has flung insults at her for nearly a decade now.

Thanks to a new website that allows you to search all of Trump's tweets, it's easy to see how far his obsession with O'Donnell goes. Since he first insulted her in December 2011, Trump has either retweeted or composed 56 different messages about Rosie O'Donnell.

[font size="8"]Trump V Hillary: Yawn Of Justice Part II[/font]

Spin it to win it! Clip without context!

Can anyone explain what the fuck Donald Trump was doing in that clip? I really want to know! And by the way when searching for this clip I found a remix of all the times Donald Trump has sniffed, make America sniff again! Excuse me a minute…

Oh wait, here’s an explanation! If you saw the Twittersphere, the Deplorables claim that Donald Trump got pneumonia from Crooked Hillary!

For the very first time, we have reason to doubt the claim by Donald Trump’s physician that he’s in “astonishingly excellent” health. Throughout the first presidential debate, the Republican candidate could not stop loudly sniffing. Here’s an example:

But there’s more!

Donald Trump, who has recently made a point of raising questions about Hillary Clinton’s health, appeared to be sniffling during the presidential debate on Monday night—and the internet took notice.

Trump and Clinton have recently sparred over their personal health, beginning with Trump raising doubts and suggesting that Clinton is medically unfit for the presidency. Clinton was diagnosed with pneumonia earlier this month, but there is no evidence to suggest she is suffering from more serious ailments.

And unfortunately Howard Dean didn’t help things when he accused Donald Trump of being a cocaine addict, but who are we to judge really? I mean Donald Trump got to the top of the GOP food chain by calling everyone and their mother a stupid loser, and judging everyone, right? Can we throw that Tweet up there?

So let’s explore what happens when the GOP combines 24/7 media with perpetual motion, shall we? This is how things start off.

During last night's debate, many eagle-eyed observers noted that Donald Trump's typical yelling ability appeared somewhat compromised by a mysterious case of the sniffles.

Of course, there are many perfectly reasonable, entirely unremarkable explanations for this. Maybe the man suffers from seasonal allergies, or came down with an early-season cold. Or, if you believe former Vermont governor and one-time presidential candidate Howard Dean, perhaps something a bit more...nefarious is going on.


"Governor Dean's comment was beyond the pale and has no place in our important political discussion," the Trump campaign said in a statement to NBC News on Tuesday night.

"On a night where millions of Americans were able to compare and contrast the policies of both candidates, Governor Dean went straight to the gutter and was nothing more than a sad distraction in a desperate attempt to stay relevant," the campaign added.

After the debate, Trump denied sniffling and blamed the sounds of breathing on a defective microphone that he claimed was tampered with.

To of course igniting the Deplorables in the Twitter outrage machine:

Former Vermont Gov. Howard Dean, whose own 2004 run for the White House ended in a scream that’s been captured for all time in various YouTube clips, lobbed an absurdist tweet during Monday’s debate that’s been embraced just as eagerly by Twitter.

With zero proof of anything untoward, Dean just threw this out to his 37,000+ Twitter followers. More than 23,000 retweets and 33,000+ likes later, the farcical bit is still going strong.

But Howard Dean apparently is standing by his comments! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???

In an interview with MSNBC's Kate Snow Tuesday, Dean acknowledged it's unlikely that 70-year-old Trump has a cocaine habit, but he didn't rule it out.

"It's something I think it'd be interesting to ask him and see if he ever had a problem with that," Dean said.

He added he wouldn't delete the tweet.

There was no immediate response from the Trump campaign to the question Dean posed. However, Trump told Fox News on Tuesday that there were "no sniffles" and that he didn't have a cold.


[font size="8"]Donald Trump Jr and Eric Trump[/font]

Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy stop!!! Infowars! So this happened during Alex Jones’ completely insane, all day debate marathon blow hard-a-palooza. Worst music festival ever, by the way. Can we roll that?

Spin it again. Donald Trump. So Saddam Trump’s sons, Uday and Qusay, er, Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump, got caught saying something unintentionally racist. Wait, did I say unintentionally? I mean it’s completely, totally, racist!

Washington (CNN)Donald Trump's campaign on Tuesday stood by a controversial tweet issued by the candidate's son, Donald Trump Jr., in which he likened Syrian refugees to a bowl of Skittles.
On Monday, Trump Jr. tweeted a graphic that likened Syrian refugees to Skittles, which swiftly triggered a wave of criticism.

"This image says it all. Let's end the politically correct agenda that doesn't put America first. #trump2016," he tweeted, with a graphic that said: "If I had a bowl of skittles and I told you just three would kill you. Would you take a handful? That's our Syrian refugee problem."

So he deleted that image but let’s throw it up there shall we?

Holy shit! I mean… yeah holy shit!!!

So in case you were wondering, why yes the meme is from white supremacists and has a Nazi-esque vibe to it:

“This image says it all,” reads the text. “Let’s end the politically correct agenda that doesn’t put America first. #trump2016,″ accompanied by the official Donald Trump/Mike Pence campaign logo and slogan.

The analogy isn’t new, and has been used for years by white supremacists to overgeneralize about various minority groups.

“It is often deployed as a way to prop up indefensible stereotypes by taking advantage of human ignorance about base rates, risk assessment and criminology,” wrote Emil Karlsson on the blog Debunking Denialism. “In the end, it tries to divert attention from the inherent bigotry in making flawed generalizations.”

A spokeswoman for Wrigley Americas, which makes Skittles, whacked Trump’s dehumanizing comparison.

“Skittles are candy. Refugees are people. We don’t feel it’s an appropriate analogy,” said Denise Young, vice president of corporate affairs. “We will respectfully refrain from further commentary as anything we say could be misinterpreted as marketing.”

And of course like a good republican, Donald Trump Jr. quietly redacted his Tweet, but is about to learn a valuable lesson: on the internet, there’s no such thing as a takeback.

The image of a bowl of Skittles with a controversial accompanying message about Syrian refugees that Donald Trump Jr. posted to Twitter earlier this month has been removed “in response to a report from the copyright holder.”

Trump Jr. posted the image early last week, showing a bowl of Skittles and the message, “If I had a bowl of skittles and I told you just three would kill you. Would you take a handful? That’s our Syrian refugee problem.” Along with the image, Trump Jr. wrote that “this image says it all. Let's end the politically correct agenda that doesn't put America first. #trump2016.”

And by the way they got owned by Skittles on this:


Skittles has responded to the Trump campaign’s meme where they likened the Syrian refugee crisis to a bowl of candy and subsequently set Twitter ablaze.

Like Twitter, Wrigley was not amused. The candy brand has responded, saying “Skittles are candy. Refugees are people.”

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop!!! Between Two Ferrns!

That was hilarious. Let’s first discuss Hillary Clinton’s epic appearance on Zach Galafinakis’ show. Oh my god I was nearly on the floor laughing watching that. By comparison here’s his one with Brad Pitt, or Bradley Pitts as he was called:

But here’s where her appearance on Between Two Ferns was an instant hit:

Zach Galifianakis has hosted plenty of big names on his Internet mock talk show “Between Two Ferns,” including Brad Pitt, Justin Bieber and even President Obama. But the episode he released Thursday featuring Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has already outperformed them all.

In its first 24 hours, the video – in which Galifianakis awkwardly asks a deadpan Clinton about such things as whether she has considered being more racist and what will happen if she becomes pregnant while in office – was viewed more than 30 million times, the highest first-day viewership in the history of Funny or Die.

Now here’s where Zach lays the smackdown on Trumpenfuror. This is why I love Zach Galafinakis, folks!

Comedian Zach Galifianakis told the LA Times he won’t invite Donald Trump to be on his parody talk show “Between two Ferns,” despite recently having on his presidential rival Hillary Clinton.

"I wouldn't have somebody on that's so mentally challenged," he said. "I feel like I'd be taking advantage of him. And you can print that."

The "Hangover" actor went on to describe Trump as "the kind of guy who likes attention — bad attention or good attention. So you’re dealing with a psychosis there that’s a little weird."

Switching subjects, next week we’re going to go into great detail about the Donald Trump – Sean Hannity situation, but there’s a few other interesting choice stories from the debate. My personal favorite? His top advisor says he’s running to be America’s Kim Jong Un!

Donald Trump’s director of African-American outreach has an ominous warning for all who dared to criticize the Republican presidential nominee: Soon, they will have to bow down to “the most powerful man in the universe.”

In an upcoming “Frontline” special, Omarosa Manigault told PBS that the roots of Trump’s presidential campaign may be traced back to the 2011 White House Correspondents Dinner, when President Barack Obama cracked a few jokes at the real estate mogul’s expense. The quips came after Trump falsely accused Obama of lying about his birthplace and citizenship, thus feeding the discredited right-wing “birther” conspiracy theory.

“It just kept going and going and he just kept hammering him,” Manigault said. “And I thought, ‘Ohhhh, Barack Obama is starting something that I don’t know if he’ll be able to finish.” She said:

“Every critic, every detractor, will have to bow down to President Trump. It’s everyone who’s ever doubted Donald, who ever disagreed, who ever challenged him. It is the ultimate revenge to become the most powerful man in the universe.”

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/omarosa-bown-to-president-trump_us_57e47e34e4b0e80b1ba15296?section=&

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy…. Stop!!!! Clip without context!

The entire 2016 election summed up in one word! And we will be using that clip to our advantage, folks!

Spin it again! Donald Trump. So let’s use this entry to talk about who’s *NOT* supporting Donald Trump after that disaster of a debate. And ladies and gentlemen, could it be true? Could my neighboring state of Arizona possibly be turning blue after all these years???? I mean this is the state that elected Jan Brewer and Joe Arpaio!!!! Both of which I will profile in “People Who Somehow Got Elected” sometime. But… can it be?

Since The Arizona Republic began publication in 1890, we have never endorsed a Democrat over a Republican for president. Never. This reflects a deep philosophical appreciation for conservative ideals and Republican principles.

This year is different.

The 2016 Republican candidate is not conservative and he is not qualified.

That’s why, for the first time in our history, The Arizona Republic will support a Democrat for president.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!! Ladies and gentlemen…………….. the Arizona Republic has turned blue!!! Can the rest of the state be far behind?

And things are only getting worse for Trumpenfuror. The reviews of that disaster of a debate are in, people! And even Trump’s own party is abandoning him!

Trump’s surrogates in the spin room were downbeat, and the candidate himself has already begun making excuses: “They gave me a defective mic,” he complained to reporters during a gaggle. “Did you notice that? My mic was defective within the room. I wonder, was that on purpose?” There was no clear problem with his microphone during the debate, Jose DelReal notes.

Trump was supposed to stop by the Nassau County Republican Committee’s watch party on his way home. He skipped it. Clinton, meanwhile, celebrated with hundreds of supporters in Westbury.

But here’s my favorite part of the debate – apparently Trump says his mic was defective! I mean how can that be? Did he have a device on his back that people were feeding him info like Bush had in the 2004 debate?

Republican nominee Donald J. Trump complained in the spin room that his debate mic wasn't working right, according to a video posted by a CBS journalist.

"They gave me a defective mic!" he told reporters. "I wonder, was that on purpose?"

It wasn't the first time Trump suggested he was given a faulty microphone. At a January rally in Pensacola, Florida, he abruptly stopped mid-speech and said, "And by the way, I don't like this mic." He went on to call whoever installed it a "son of a b-----", and said, "George, don't pay him! I believe in paying, but when someone does a bad job, like this stupid mic, you shouldn't pay the bill."

And then Trump is asking Americans to call Sean Hannity to “verify his war position”. Doh!

Sean Hannity is Donald Trump's last hope. Fact-checkers have repeatedly debunked the notion that Trump publicly opposed the Iraq War, so the Republican presidential nominee is clinging to the uncheckable claim that before the 2003 invasion he used to call up Hannity after the Fox News host's show to say he was against the war.

"I had numerous conversations with Sean Hannity at Fox," Trump said during Monday's debate. "And Sean Hannity said — and he called me the other day, and I spoke to him about it — he said, 'You were totally against the war,' because he was for the war.

[font size="8"]Chris Christie[/font]

Entering the spin zone! And it lands on… wait for it……… Go directly to jail? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

OK so I got to give this entry from a jail cell. Spin it again. Jersey Shore. You know the state where this happens:

And more specifically this happened. You know while we were off last week, we missed the proverbial shit hitting the fan with the Chris Christie Bridgegate scandal. Specifically the smackdown is being laid thick on Chris Christie, and it would have to be! Hey o!!!

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s top executive at the Port Authority acknowledged on Thursday that he couldn’t fire the New Jersey staffer who orchestrated the politically motivated lane closings at the George Washington Bridge because he was protected by Governor Christie.

Under cross-examination for the second day, Patrick Foye, the agency’s executive director, sparred with defense attorneys for Bridget Anne Kelly and Bill Baroni, two Christie allies on trial in federal court in Newark for allegedly conspiring with David Wildstein to create gridlock at the bridge to punish Fort Lee’s mayor for not endorsing Christie’s 2013 reelection.

So that’s the jist of what’s going on in New Jersey. Christie was pissed because he got stiffed on a campaign endorsement and created the worst gridlock that the Jersey Turnpike has ever seen. And here’s the shit hits the fan:

NEWARK – Gov. Chris Christie had not even been in office for a full two years and it would be more than a year later before the governor would publicly entertain the question about whether he planned to run for re-election.

But by late 2011, state employees, using personal email accounts, were already eyeing "Dem Targets" to woo for Christie's 2013 re-election bid, according to testimony Friday during the George Washington Bridge lane closures criminal trial.

A list, shared among staffers working in the administration's Office of Intergovernmental Affairs, or IGA, had the names and details of elected officials.

He named names people! Oh no he didn’t! in fact things are getting worse for the Donald Trump stage prop:

Gov. Chris Christie (R-N.J.) was told about the punitive lane closings up to the George Washington Bridge at a 2013 memorial service for the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, two days before the lanes were unblocked, David Wildstein, a confessed architect of the scheme, testified in federal court on Tuesday. When the governor was told of the closures — and that they were in retaliation for the Democratic mayor of Fort Lee declining to endorse Christie's re-election bid — "he laughed," Wildstein said.

Dude, what the fuck? Is he Ronan from Guardians of the Galaxy? Nah, he’s evil, but not that fucking evil. He might be more like Drax:

And here’s where things go way way way way south:

NEWARK – State Senator Loretta Weinberg (D-Teaneck) commented on the testimony of former Port Authority employee David Wildstein immediately following his court appearance on Tuesday. From the steps of the Newark Federal Courthouse, the co-chair to the legislative panel that investigated Bridgegate zeroed in on the portion of Wildstein’s testimony where he claimed that he and former Deputy Executive Director of the Port Authority Bill Baroni openly bragged to New Jersey Governor Chris Christie about the lane realignment that crippled Fort Lee traffic from Sept. 9 to 12, 2013. According to Wildstein, he and Baroni discussed the lane closures to Governor Christie during a 9/11 memorial service that year.

“This story has been out in the press and in the public almost since the beginning. I think what happened today is Mr. Wildstein added some texture or some more context to the alleged conversation,” Weinberg said about the discussion Wildstein said he had with Baroni and Christie. “The governor has been denying this from the beginning. Mr. Wildstein just testified to it under oath.”

But here’s where things get certifiably insane – the head of the New Jersey Port Authority himself thought he was still on the governor’s team amid the scandal he created!!!! Excuse me a minute, I need a beer after this one. Holy shit.

NEWARK, N.J. (CN) — The man who took responsibility for orchestrating a massive New Jersey traffic jam three years ago testified Wednesday that he was assured Gov. Chris Christie's favor for doing so.
You are "still on the governor's team," David Wildstein said he heard from several officials in Christie's office in early December 2010.
By that time, the cover-up story for the September traffic jam Wildstein engineered had already begun to unravel, and Wildstein received his marching orders from the agency that oversees New York-area bridges and tunnels.

[font size="8"]Wells Fargo[/font]

Yay! I’m out of jail! Spin it to win it! A Recent Study!

Wartinger is a professor emeritus at Michigan State, where he has dealt for decades with the scourge of kidney stones, which affect around one in 10 people at some point in life. Most are small, and they pass through us without issue. But many linger in our kidneys and grow, sending hundreds of thousands of people to emergency rooms and costing around $3.8 billion every year in treatment and extraction. The pain of passing a larger stone is often compared to child birth.

For years in practice, Wartinger noticed anecdotal reports from patients who had passed small kidney stones during and immediately after visiting the Disney theme parks. It was a correlation he might not have noticed in another place, he told me: “This mass migration helped bring it to my attention.”

But one particular gentleman really inspired Wartinger. The man rode Big Thunder Mountain Railroad at Disney’s Magic Kingdom, and then passed a small stone. Then he did it again and passed another. And then another. “That was just too powerful to ignore,” Wartinger said. “I'd been hearing these anecdotal stories for a couple years, and then I thought, okay, there's really something here.”

Yes this ride might be able to help pass kidney stones:

Spin it again! Greed. More specifically corporate greed. You know last time we discussed Wells Fargo and their scandal which has seen the company lose big time because it created some 2 million phony accounts. And John Oliver took the time to blast Wells Fargo last week:

But what happened? So the CEO might be losing big:

Wells Fargo CEO John Stumpf stands to walk from the bank with $123.6 million in severance and stock value if he retires from the bank, which is still reeling from a scandal where millions of accounts were inappropriately opened for customers.

Stumpf's $123.6 million in potential retirement walking money, as calculated by pay consulting firm Equilar as of mid-September, is the sum of Stumpf's $25.2 million in retirement payments, plus a $20 million pension, deferred compensation of $4.3 million as well as the $74 million in stock he already owns. Neither Stumpf nor Wells Fargo has stated the CEO's continued employment is in doubt, but he is eligible for the bank's retirement plan. Wells Fargo declined to comment on this story.

Holy shit! We live in the Matrix:


But guess what? If you’re not boiling with anger at this point over another CEO robber baron getting away with murder, you should be. Because he will probably get nothing more than a slap on the wrist. I swear it’s like the uber-rich live in another world than we do:

Wells Fargo CEO John Stumpf will forfeit much of his 2016 salary -- including his bonus and $41 million in stock awards -- as the bank launches a probe into its phony accounts scandal.

The fallout from the controversy has also resulted in its first major executive departure. Carrie Tolstedt, who headed the division that created the fake accounts, has left the company ahead of her scheduled retirement at year end.

Wells Fargo, under pressure from lawmakers and shareholders to take action, said Tolstedt will not receive a bonus or severance, and that she'll forfeit all of her $19 million worth of unvested stock awards. Wells Fargo also said Tolstedt has agreed not to exercise some $34 million in stock options, the bank's independent directors announced Tuesday.

[font size="8"]The Bathroom Police[/font]

Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy stop!!! My wife!

Spin it again! Bathrooms. Or more specifically – diapers. Remember back in Idiots #31, I brought you a story about an entrepreneur in Illinois who launched a new company called “Tykables” that began selling adult diapers and other goods to cater to America’s active adult babies. Well it’s a damn good thing he didn’t set up shop in Arizona. Because if you thought that North Carolina’s HB-2 was insane, Arizona just eclipsed it. Here’s more:

The Arizona Supreme Court has handed down a decision that has a lot of people talking. It involves the case of an Arizona man who appealed his conviction of sexually molesting his step-daughter.

They upheld his conviction, but their reason for doing so has some speculating that even changing a baby's diaper could constitute a sex crime.

The justices examined the language in Arizona's sexual abuse laws, which do not require sexual intent in order to be charged.

"The statute says intentionally or knowingly having sexual contact. Well, sexual contact is just the direct or indirect touching of the genitals of something else of the child. That is where the changing of the diaper could come into play," said legal analyst Monica Lindstrom.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa *holds breath* aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?????

Holy shit both literally and figuratively! That means that our Tykables friend could very well be a registered sex offender just by changing his own diapers! Wait… how would that work exactly?

Oh and by the way - The Changing Of The Diaper - worst traditional ceremony ever!

The Arizona Supreme Court issued a stunning and horrifying decision on Tuesday, interpreting a state law to criminalize any contact between an adult and a child’s genitals. According to the court, the law’s sweep encompasses wholly innocent conduct, such as changing a diaper or bathing a baby. As the stinging dissent notes, “parents and other caregivers” in the state are now considered to be “child molesters or sex abusers under Arizona law.” Those convicted under the statute may be imprisoned for five years.

How did this happen? A combination of bad legislating and terrible judging. Start with the legislature, which passed laws forbidding any person from “intentionally or knowingly … touching … any part of the genitals, anus or female breast” of a child “under fifteen years of age.” Notice something odd about that? Although the laws call such contact “child molestation” or “sexual abuse,” the statutes themselves do not require the “touching” to be sexual in nature. (No other state’s law excludes this element of improper sexual intent.) Indeed, read literally, the statutes would seem to prohibit parents from changing their child’s diaper. And the measures forbid both “direct and indirect touching,” meaning parents cannot even bathe their child without becoming sexual abusers under the law.

But switching pages – at some point we must talk about Chelsea Manning getting handed the smack down by the military for her suicide attempt but considering that story is ongoing we must wait a bit. But speaking of the bathroom police, you know usually we talk about trans issues in this segment. But when an actual trans woman like Caitlyn Jenner repeatedly votes against her best interests as a trans woman, she should realize that the GOP isn’t looking out for her best interests!

In the past, Kim Kardashian has been pretty vocal about her support for Hillary Clinton. But in a recent interview with Wonderland Magazine, the reality star apparently revealed she’s now “on the fence” about her presidential pick, thanks to a few conversations she’s had with Caitlyn Jenner.

“At first I thought, ‘Oh my god, I’m so Hillary ,’ but I had a long political call with Caitlyn last night about why she’s voting Trump. I’m on the fence,” she purportedly said in an excerpt posted by The Evening Standard.

After the comment went viral, a representative for Wonderland denied the Kardashian quotes appear in the published issue, or online; according to The Huffington Post, however, the quotes are legitimate. Kardashian’s Trump statement also still appears on the Evening Standard website.

An email to the Evening Standard was not immediately returned; the author of the Wonderland story, Eve Barlow, directed inquiries to Wonderland and representatives for Kardashian. Reps for Kardashian were not immediately available for comment.

Hey Caitlyn….

But there is good news – while I normally despise the Kardashians and don’t want anything to do with them, we must give props to Kim for voicing her support for Mrs. Clinton!

Though the 35-year-old reality star said she was “on the fence” about who to vote for in the election after she had a long conversation with Caitlyn Jenner — a known Republican — Kardashian said she’s voting Democrat. (RELATED: Caitlyn Jenner Might Have Convinced Kim Kardashian To Vote For Donald Trump)

“I had a long conversation with Caitlyn, who has always been open about her political views,” Kardashian wrote, “and she encouraged me to do my research before making my decision and then vote for the candidate whose policies aligned with the things that matter most to me.”

“And so that’s what I did. I thought about the things that are so important to me that they outweigh everything else, such as gun control and protecting women’s rights to safe and legal abortion.”


But here’s some good news in the war on bathrooms for once:

A federal judge rejected a school district's challenge to President Barack Obama's rule on transgender bathrooms on Monday, ordering a biologically male student who identifies as female be treated "like the girl she is."

Judge Algenon Marbley said the Highland Local Schools in Morrow County had failed to provide a persuasive argument that giving the student access to the girls' restroom would jeopardize other students' privacy or safety. He further ordered that Highland use a female name and pronouns in referring to the 11-year-old.

And of course the sex offenders leave me no shortage of material this week:

The University of North Carolina football player accused of sexual assault by a fellow student denies raping the woman and says the two had consensual sex. Allen Artis, 20, made his first public comments on the case since 19-year-old Delaney Robinson came forward about the alleged assault earlier this month.

“Everything was completely consensual that happened that night,” he said from his attorney's Durham, N.C., home while sitting alongside family members. “That’s the truth.” His attorney, Kerry Sutton, said Artis passed a polygraph test about the Valentine's Day incident.

[font size="8"]TV Time[/font]

Spin that shit!!! No whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy stop!!! Hell yeah!!! I win 10,000. Of something. What that is we don't know yet. But still... it's 10,000. Spin it again! And we land on the "???? (mystery item)"! So we’re going to take a page from George Carlin and take some time out and tell you about what’s on TV tonight.

So with that in mind, we have a movie recommendation for you to start things off. We’ve already discussed the Bathroom Police, and here’s a rather bizarre film that’s making that the rounds in Toronto that’s ruffled a few feathers. Why? It’s essentially the worst nightmare of the Bathroom Police come to life! And for some weird reason, why am I not surprised Michelle Rodriguez is involved?

The director and star of a film about a hitman who is put through gender reassignment surgery by a relative of one of his victims defended the project as it had its world premiere at the Toronto International Film Festival on Wednesday.

&quot re)Assignment" stars Michelle Rodriguez as an assassin named Frank Kitchen. After killing the brother of a brilliant but deranged surgeon, Kitchen is captured and awakes to find himself unwillingly turned into a woman.

The premise drew criticism from some in the transgender community, who said the medical procedure should not be used as a sensationalistic plot device. It was also called transphobic and exploitative by Twitter users.

The film's challenges have not stopped there. Some early reviews have been very negative, with the Guardian newspaper calling it "a strong contender for 2016’s worst movie".

But is it really the worst movie ever? Where are the people who judge the Razzie Awards when you need them?

Walter Hill's (Re)Assignment, a revenge thriller about a hitman who undergoes an involuntary sex change at the hands of a mad doctor, was dogged by controversy before it was even made, but many a great movie has been made from a premise that seemed ill-advised or worse. (Re)Assignment is not one of those movies. The only thing that keeps it from being as damaging as organisations like Glaad feared is that its plot its so fantastic and nonsensical that it never comes anywhere near the real world. It helps that it's so bad almost no one will see it.

(Re)Assignment, which Hill co-wrote with Denis Hamill, is framed through the institutionalised musings of Sigourney Weaver's Dr Rachel Jane, a back-alley megalomaniac who performs cut-rate gender reassignment surgery on the "unfortunates" who cannot afford a more reputable, less unlicensed surgeon. Her true passion, though, is the more speculative work she performs on unsuspecting subjects, the kind she can pay henchmen to snatch off the street and who won't be missed later. When hitman Frank Kitchen kills her beloved brother, the good doctor sees an opportunity to combine her vocation with her desire for revenge: She kidnaps Frank, knocks him unconscious, and when he awakes, he's been, at least physically, transformed into a woman, one who bears a strong resemblance to Michelle Rodriguez.

OK so maybe this movie isn’t for you. How about the new MacGuyver?

The project, from CBS TV Studios and Lionsgate TV, has undergone an evolution, with an original script by NCIS: LA executive producer R. Scott Gemmill, a pilot script greenlighted to pilot by Paul Downs Colaizzo, and a shooting script filmed as pilot by Colaizzo and Code Black executive producer Brett Mahoney, who was recruited to help on the pilot. Now both Colaizzo and Mahoney are leaving, with Hawaii Five-0 executive producer showrunner Peter Lenkov tasked with writing a new script.

Lenkov has a solid track record in rebooting classic series. CBS had unsuccessfully tried to remake Hawaii Five-0 with another writer before bringing in Lenkov, along with Alex Kurtzman and Bob Orci, to come up with a new take. Lenkov wrote the teleplay for the trio’s Hawaii Five-0 pilot. It went to series, which Lenkov has been shepherding as showrunner ever since. The series, which has a rich off-network syndication deal and is a big international seller for CBS TV Studios, was recently renewed for a seventh season. Lenkov is slated to continue on Hawaii Five-0 while also spearheading MacGyver.

Better. Warmer. Closer. Or the real reason I wanted to do this entry – one of our favorite punching bags here at the Top 10, the Duck Dynasty crew (who are really fake pieces of shit that the religious community loves), was just named WORST TV SHOW EVER!!!! Ha ha!!!

Duck Dynasty
Congratulations, Robertson family – you are officially the worst anything ever! A dipshit sitcom passed off as a reality show, with a bunch of bearded phonies stumbling over their scripted banter – like The Beverly Hillbillies with less believable facial hair. The Robertsons talked about Jesus a lot, but Jesus probably prefers Real Housewives like the rest of us.

You know I hate to kick a guy when he’s down but considering that piece of shit Phil Robertson has repeatedly done that to America’s LGBT community, all I have to say is:

Don’t forget they openly supported Ted Cruz:

[font size="8"]Samsung Galaxy Note 7[/font]

Spin it to win it! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop!! New Products. So there’s something crazy that we must report here:

As Ellen DeGeneres noted before bringing out her special guest for the audience, it had become somewhat of a My Shiney Hiney week on The Ellen Show. However, she has a special treat for fans when she brought out the star of the My Shiney Hiney informercial, Sarah Pribis.

DeGeneres played the infomercial in full for those who hadn't seen it earlier in the week. She continued to laugh as she read a comment from Sarah Pribis, the real actress who starred in the infomercial. Pribis said her hiney had been shinier than ever after doing the infomercial. DeGeneres welcomed the actress to the stage and said she must have been pretty proud of the infomercial.

Pribis said she maybe told five people about the infomercial. She said after The Ellen Show's coverage of it, her friends had mixed feelings about it, however, they all congratulated her. Pribis said she was casting for Shinney Hinney at first. She said it was a cleaning product at first and she got the job without auditioning. Pribis found it wasn't the product she thought and tried to get out of it, however, the husband and wife producing the commercial were sweet and she felt bad.

Yes this is a real product and could potentially be the next Shake Weight. Let’s spin the wheel one last time this week. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! I finally win a VR Headset!!

So do I get an Oculus Rift or an HTC Vive? I want a Vive so badly! Oh shit, really? It’s a Samsung Galaxy Gear? Which means I have to buy a Note 7??? Shit!!! OK let’s try this thing out.

I’ll hook my Note 7 into this thing here and start using it on my head…


OK we’re back. Thankfully our crack team of doctors, as well as team of doctors on crack, here at TTCI can quickly reattach exploding heads. Or maybe not.

But still… let me just adjust my new neck here… Ah, much better! Oh so let’s talk about the Samsung Galaxy Note 7 shall we?

The U.S. government has turned up the heat on Samsung by issuing an official recall of the Galaxy Note 7 smartphone on Thursday. There have been at least 92 reports of batteries overheating, including 26 reports of burns and 55 reports of property damage, according to the recall notice from the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC).

“Consumers should immediately stop using and power down the recalled Galaxy Note7 devices purchased before September 15, 2016,” the CPSC announcement says. “Contact the wireless carrier, retail outlet or Samsung.com where you purchased your device to receive free of charge a new Galaxy Note7 with a different battery, a refund or a new replacement device.”

The CPSC notice follows Samsung’s own voluntary recall of the device due to reports of injuries, burns and explosions. The Federal Aviation Administration has also announced that Note 7 owners need to turn off their phones when flying, and not to put them in any checked baggage where the power button could accidentally get pushed during transit.

Holy shit!!! Burns? Property damage? Shit is going down people!

There’s even reports of these phones exploding! Exploding! Well the good news is that if you lose your phone explodes, you can find it by following the fire trucks!

Samsung has recalled its new Galaxy Note 7 smartphone after reports it can overheat and even explode. The company said it had “conducted a thorough investigation and found a battery cell issue.”

According to Samsung, there have been 35 reported cases and 2.5 million phones have been produced. While that figure is relatively high (batteries typically fail at a rate of 1 in tens of millions) it’s still far from common.

“Battery failures are exceedingly rare,” says Donal Finegan, a chemical engineer at University College London. “Any kind of fault does garner a lot of media attention and can really affect the reputation of a product that relies on the battery.”

So what about the replacement phones? Surely a recall can work in this case can it? Can it?

Samsung's replacement Galaxy Note 7 phones have been overheating and suffering from battery problems, according to reports, fueling concerns that the fixed "exploding" phones could still be unsafe.

Some customers have reported that the updated Note 7 phone, which Samsung began issuing last week after a global recall of the smartphones at the beginning of the month, have been losing power quickly, even when charging, and becoming unexpectedly hot.

The Korean electronics giant acknowledged that some customers in South Korea had complained about the replacement non-removable batteries, according to the Wall Street Journal.

So how many have Samsung replaced? As of right now – 60% and that still doesn’t cover the replacement of the replacement!

More than 60 percent of defective Galaxy Note 7 smartphones sold in the United States and South Korea have now been returned and exchanged for new models, Samsung has claimed. In other words, 40 percent of the dangerous devices are still in consumer hands, almost four weeks after Samsung issued a global recall on the Note 7.

The new figures appear to show a slowdown in the number of successful exchanges in the United States. Samsung said last Thursday that half of the potentially explosive phones in the US had been taken in and replaced with new models, suggesting that the number of defective phones replaced had only increased by around 10 percent in five days. Because today's figure is combined with South Korean returns, it's not clear exactly what percentage of phones have now been returned in the United States, but the company previously said both countries have already replaced more than half of the dangerous Note 7 devices.

Samsung has offered financial incentives to South Korean retail stores selling the Note 7 in a bid to facilitate exchanges as fast as possible, rushing stock to the country's mobile providers, and reportedly giving them 20,000 won (around $18) per phone replaced. Stores in the country can earn another 20,000 won per phone if they manage to exchange more than 80 percent of the Note 7 devices previously sold before the end of September, the Korea Times reports.

But that doesn’t matter, the Galaxy 8 is coming soon!

Taking a look back at seven days of news and headlines across the world of Android, this week’s Android Circuit includes a timeline of Samsung’s flawed Galaxy Note 7 battery issues, the financial damage to Samsung, how next year’s Galaxy S8 can save the South Korean company, Blackberry improving handset security with Zimperium, the latest leaks about the Google Pixel smartphones, Android’s new gesture based UI that mimics 3D Touch, more UK banks signing up to Android Pay, and the launch of ‘all you can read’ with Google Play Books.

Android Circuit is here to remind you of a few of the many things that have happened around Android in the last week (and you can find the weekly Apple news digest here).

I love that there’s an ad for the iPhone in that previous article. By the way Bill Maher took a look at perpetual upgrading culture:

But never fear, Samsung is looking out for your best interests as a customer! Or maybe not, they’re only $1 BILLION in the hole because of this disaster:

In the short term, Samsung is recalling 2.5 million handsets. Replacement handsets (either Note 7s or other suitable handsets such as the Galaxy S7 Edge) need to be manufactured and shipped and the swapped out Note 7s need to be returned. While many of the components in these older Note 7s will be recycled, it is inconceivable that Samsung could simply swap out the batteries and sell them again as ‘new’ handsets.

The costs associated with the recall are predicted by some to climb as high as one billion dollars. As Samsung Mobile’s DJ Koh suggests, this is a “heart-breaking amount” that will represent around five percent of the company’s net income in 2016.

So what’s the alternative you might ask, good sir / madam? And I answer you – iPhone 7? But if you bought an iPhone 7 and are shocked to see it has no headphone jack, good news! It may only be a quick fix away, and much better than exploding Note 7s!


iPhone 7 owners desperate for a headphone jack might be drilling a hole into their shiny new Apple device because of a YouTube video.

Secret Hack to Get Headphone Jack on the iPhone 7 by TechRax isn’t meant to be an informational tutorial. It's a joke, but some people aren't laughing. The video directs users to place their new iPhone 7 in a vice and drill a hole into the bottom of the device. Then, plug in earbuds and listen to your favorite song, even though sound doesn't appear to come through the earbuds in the video.

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8"]Bastille[/font]

Let’s spin the wheel one last time this week! Music! Ladies and gentlemen, performing their new song “Send Them Off!” from their album “Wild World” available now everywhere you can buy music, I give you Bastille!

Yeah how about that?

See you next week!
September 28, 2016

Michigan State Urologist Suggests Roller Coasters Might Pass Kidney Stones

Wartinger is a professor emeritus at Michigan State, where he has dealt for decades with the scourge of kidney stones, which affect around one in 10 people at some point in life. Most are small, and they pass through us without issue. But many linger in our kidneys and grow, sending hundreds of thousands of people to emergency rooms and costing around $3.8 billion every year in treatment and extraction. The pain of passing a larger stone is often compared to child birth.

For years in practice, Wartinger noticed anecdotal reports from patients who had passed small kidney stones during and immediately after visiting the Disney theme parks. It was a correlation he might not have noticed in another place, he told me: “This mass migration helped bring it to my attention.”

But one particular gentleman really inspired Wartinger. The man rode Big Thunder Mountain Railroad at Disney’s Magic Kingdom, and then passed a small stone. Then he did it again and passed another. And then another. “That was just too powerful to ignore,” Wartinger said. “I'd been hearing these anecdotal stories for a couple years, and then I thought, okay, there's really something here.”

September 26, 2016

John Oliver: Trump's Scandals Are Way Worse Than Hillary's - And Voters Should Be Outraged!

Returning after a one month hiatus, Last Week Tonight host John Oliver took a deep dive into the scandals – big and small – surrounding presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump.

Needless to say, Trump came out “quantifiably worse” according to the HBO host.

However, Oliver explained, Clinton deserved equal scrutiny in the interest of fairness.

“I do know that even talking about her scandals will irritate some of you, given that her opponent is an unambiguously racist scarecrow stuffed with scrunched-up copies of Jugs magazine, and that’s fair,” Oliver stated. “But not being as bad as Donald Trump is a low bar to clear, and if you focus on nothing but him, you fail to vet a woman who might be president.”

“We’ve spent several frustrating weeks trolling through all the innuendo and exaggerations surrounding Hillary’s email and foundation scandals, and the worst thing we can say is that they both look bad. But the harder you look, the less you actually find,” he maintained. “There’s not nothing there, but what is there is irritating rather than grossly nefarious.”


Fuck Donald Trump. And fuck the media for giving him a free pass, while Hillary Clinton is getting crap for using an e-mail server.
September 21, 2016

MA Town Stumped When British Woman Dials Wrong Emergency Hotline

BARNSTABLE (CBS) — It took a woman calling Barnstable Police to report a reckless driver a few minutes to realize she’d called authorities on the wrong continent.

The caller phoned police in the Cape Cod town last Thursday–but she was actually calling from Barnstaple, a town in Devon, England, over 3,000 miles away.

In the call above, Officer Mark McWilliams, the Barnstable Police dispatcher, struggles to understand exactly where the woman is calling from. She mentions the towns of Ilfracombe and Muddiford, which he’s never heard of.

“You’re not local, are you?” the woman asks at one point. “Because Ilfracombe is the next town over from Muddiford.”

In the end, McWilliams figures out that she’s calling from across the pond.


How does that happen?

Though I did like the response from the officer on duty: “Our response time is gonna be about six hours,”
September 18, 2016

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #42: Meet The Deplorables Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #42: Meet The Deplorables Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Football is back everybody! Woooooooooooooooooo! Wooooooooooo!! Woooooo. Well it was a crazy week – my Cardinals lost to the ugh, Patriots on a last second field goal. And we now have football back in Los Angeles. Which is exciting! Woooooooo!! Well maybe not so much if you saw the Monday night game between the Los Angeles Rams and the San Francisco 49ers. Holy shit did that game stink. The Rams definitely did not do enough ramming it. There’s a statistic out there – the Rams haven’t scored a single point in Los Angeles since 1994! That is a long ass time to go between touchdowns. In fact even the announcers remarked during the Monday night game how much the Rams’ re-debut in Los Angeles stunk worse than a freshly run over skunk. But at least thank god we have crazy fans out there. And man did the crazy fans know how to welcome football back to Los Angeles in San Francisco. Well there was one moment that did make the game suddenly a lot more interesting. Can we show that?

My favorite part has to be when the announcer says “Oh my gosh, this guy is drunk and he doesn’t seem to care!”. I was nearly on the floor laughing during that comment. OK enough of the intro. But first Stephen Colbert plays a PSA that The Trump Foundation needs your help!

So where do we begin this week? Of course Donald Trump is taking the first 3 slots this week. In the first slot we are going to talk about Donald Trump (1) appearing on the Dr. Oz show. In the second slot, we are going to further discuss Trump’s Dr. Oz adventure – particularly the insanely creepy relationship he has with his daughter Ivanka. In the third slot we’re going to talk about some more Donald Trump (3) madness which will include his $20,000 portrait. Taking the number 4 seed is possible future vice president (see what I did there?) Mike Pence (4). See, he claims he is not in the “name calling business” but we will disprove that to the contrary! In the number 5 slot we are going to introduce “The Deplorables” – mainly Conservative Twitter Trolls (5). So Hillary Clinton got pneumonia last week, but did you know she was secretly replaced with a body double? Either they’re smoking some good stuff or watching too much of the movie “Dave” lately. At number 6 is the Bathroom Police (6). So we have to talk about some sad news – mainly the passing of trans activists Alexis Arquette and Lady Chablis, which is very sad. But if you saw the Twittersphere, the hateful bullshit being spewed from the trolls will make your skin crawl. But HB-2 is having some serious consequences for North Carolina. Meanwhile, an uber religious former mayor in Ohio was arrested for sexual assault on a 4 year old. In the number 7 slot, we are going to ask "How Is This Still A Thing" and we’re going to recap the best (or worst) of the annual Values Voters Summit. The Values Voters are certifiably insane and so are their spokespeople. In the number 8 slot we’re going to talk about robber barons and in America, the banks rob you. None is more true than Wells Fargo (8) where they got caught creating phony bank accounts and pocketing millions. Taking the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot we are going to recap the first week of the Bundy Bunch trial. It’s the stuff of magic. Finally this week we are going to debut a new feature called “People Are Dumb” because, well, people are dumb. And we’ve got a lot of stories to cover – stupid criminals, stupid lawsuits, stupid pundits, stupid memes, you name it. And they probably will all vote Trump too. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Yes, Donald Trump believes he is the healthiest man alive, folks! “I’m the healthiest man alive, folks, nobody is a healthier man than I am. All the sick people out there are stupid losers. You want to know how to make America great again? Stop being so sick!”

This much we know for sure: Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump is making an appearance on The Dr. Oz Show this Thursday for an episode focused on health. Both Trump and his Democratic rival Hillary Clinton were offered the opportunity to appear on the show; Trump, ever the TV showman, has decided to accept.

In preparation for Thursday’s show — which will actually tape Wednesday — Dr. Oz visited with Fox News’ Brian Kilmeade to discuss the upcoming taping. Kilmeade asked the Doc about the strange letter of health from Dr. Harold Bornstein, Trump’s gastroenterologist, which claimed the candidate to be in “astonishingly excellent,” health.

OK so why the hell would you go on the Dr. Oz show? Have you not seen that now classic John Oliver segment?

So that happened this week. And I love that Claire McCaskill called Dr. Oz a “snake oil salesman”:

Sen. Claire McCaskill characterized both Dr. Mehmet Oz and Donald Trump as charlatans, calling them "two snake oil salesmen."

"Isn't that a pair. Oh my lord," said McCaskill, D- Mo., during a Thursday interview on "Morning Joe." "I mean one of them says, 'Take a pill and you'll be thin' … from your lips to God's ear, wouldn't we all love that? Not true. Not medically true, not scientifically true. And Dr. Oz knows it."

"Then we have Donald Trump promising things that are totally not true. Lying every time he opens his mouth," she said. "So I think it's really a marriage made in heaven.".......................

Read more: http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/mccaskill-calls-trump-and-oz-snake-oil-salesmen/article/2601888?custom_click=rss

I like that one. But there’s more to the Dr. Oz insanity and we will spell it out for you:


After a whiplash-inducing morning of mixed messages, Donald J. Trump on Wednesday gave a small window into some of the results from his most recent physical examination in a taped appearance with the television celebrity Dr. Mehmet Oz.

The quick run-through of results, which Mr. Trump is said to have given to the doctor to read from a piece of paper, came after the Republican presidential nominee’s aides had said he would, and then that he wouldn’t, broach the topic with the celebrity doctor on the “Dr. Oz Show.”

A person close to Mr. Trump would not discuss specifics of what he said on the syndicated show, which was taped on the West Side of Manhattan and is to be broadcast on Thursday.

Mr. Trump, 70, discussed the results as the campaign of his rival, Hillary Clinton, was expected to release some details of her own latest examinations after her recent bout of pneumonia.

So let’s extrapolate this for a minute. Hillary Clinton gets pneumonia and the Twitter trolls, MRAs, and other bottom feeders of the internet start saying she’s “spreading pneumonia everywhere”, while Donald Trump is overweight and takes cholesterol medication. First off if you don’t know how pneumonia is spread, shut the fuck up!! It only makes you look stupid. Second, why does this make one healthier over the other? WTF? Well in true Donald J. Trump fashion, he likens himself to Patriots quarterback and serial cheater Tom Brady:

2016 cannot be parodied because 2016 parodies itself.

On Thursday, for instance, the former reality television star who is now the Republican presidential nominee appeared on the daytime talk show hosted by the quack doctor popularized by Oprah Winfrey in lieu of releasing his actual medical records.

The appearance was initially billed as an event of Jerry Springer-like proportions. With Trump sitting next to him, Dr. Oz would read the results of the mogul’s recent physical so that Trump and the housewives watching at home (a demographic Trump has struggled to appeal to) would learn his condition at the same time.

Hey Donald. Stop talking. Please.

And by the way in case you were wondering, Media Matters posted some good info about the nutritional supplement industry which Dr. Oz is a huge fan of:

Oz “Perpetuate[s] Dubious Medical Advice.” A Politico article on Trump's appearance on the “scientifically dubious” Dr. Oz Show reported that Oz has come under repeated scrutiny for “charges that he has perpetuated dubious medical advice on his show.” Oz “has promoted a raft of scientifically unproven therapies and downplayed the risk of concussions for kids.” [Politico, 9/9/16]

Oz Admitted To Congress His Weight Loss Pills “Don’t Have ... Scientific Muster.” On June 17, 2014, The Huffington Post reported that Dr. Oz was ”scolded by [Senate Consumer Protection Committee] Chairman Claire McCaskill for claims he made about weight-loss aids on his TV show.” McCaskill charged that Oz gave people “false hope” disguised as “a miracle.” Oz was forced to admit, “I recognize [the weight-loss pill claims] don’t have the scientific muster to present as fact,” yet he stood by his fraudulent advocacy anyway. [The Huffington Post, 6/17/14]

Oz Promoted Psychic Abilities. Oz has repeatedly hosted psychics on his TV show, and defended such work to his audience by saying, “Doctors don’t have all the answers.” While hosting famous psychic John Edward, Oz also told his audience Edward “seems authentic, not at all like a charlatan.” [RawStory, 9/13/16]

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

If you’re eating something, I highly encourage you to look away from this next entry. You are free to skip over it. I’ll even give you some intermission music. Go!

OK you’ve chosen to stick with us. Ok…. Even I’m disgusted by this entry. In fact I think I may throw up after reading this. So as you may know Donald Trump has an almost incestuous relationship with his daughter Ivanka. And this part of the Dr. Oz interview was very curiously left out:

Oh god make it stop!!!!! Yes, Donald Trump admitted that he kisses his daughter Ivanka every chance he gets!


Donald Trump really appreciates his daughter Ivanka's good looks – probably a little too much.

In a new interview with Rolling Stone, Trump delivered a more-than-vaguely-sexual response when the magazine's reporter praised Ivanka Trump, a prominent businesswoman in her own right.

"Yeah, she's really something, and what a beauty, that one. If I weren't happily married and, ya know, her father ..." he said.

It's hardly the first time Trump, the Republican Party's 2016 frontrunner, has gone a shade too far complimenting his daughter.

"If Ivanka weren't my daughter, perhaps I'd be dating her," Trump cracked in a now-infamous 2006 interview with "The View."


Can’t unsee! Cant unsee!!! I do like this meme that surfaced about Ivanka and Don Jr possibly being Barbie and Ken:

Well naturally Dr. Oz would leave that part out of the interview! There’s more:

At this point, it should come as no particular surprise that Donald Trump used daytime TV as the venue for disclosing more detailed medical records than he’d previously shown the public.

His Dr. Oz appearance is in keeping with both a campaign that’s capitalized off lessons the candidate learned in his time on reality TV and a political scene in which all manner of pop-culture TV has come to be more important than ever to transmit messages to discrete groups of voters.

What was surprising was the degree to which Trump tamped himself down. In the past, every Trump appearance, from debates to Morning Joe phoners, was carried across like the boardroom on The Apprentice. Here, Trump was subdued and at times almost melancholic in tone when describing the declines and deaths of his late parents, and restrained rather than triumphalist when going over the letter he presented from his physician to Dr. Oz.

Straight forward – except for one tiny little, extremely significant detail:

‘Dr. Oz Show’ Edits Out Donald Trump Comment About Kissing Daughter Ivanka
[Itay Hod]
Itay HodSeptember 15, 2016

Donald Trump’s favorite physician, Dr. Mehmet Oz, is under fire after producers edited out a joke made by the GOP nominee about how much he loves kissing his daughter Ivanka.

According to MSNBC’s Peter Alexander, when Ivanka came on to the show during Wednesday’s taping, her father greeted her with a kiss… to which Dr. Oz said something along the lines of, “It’s nice to see a dad kiss his daughter.”

That was all it took for The Donald to give everyone the heebie-jeebies, telling the audience he kisses her every chance he gets.

(Ok … First, Eww).

And there’s even more. I like that Stephen Colbert dissected this whole thing:

Donald Trump's favorite physician, Dr. Mehmet Oz, is under fire after producers edited out a joke made by the GOP nominee about how much he loves kissing his daughter Ivanka.

According to MSNBC's Peter Alexander, when Ivanka came on to the show during Wednesday's taping, her father greeted her with a kiss... to which Dr. Oz said something along the lines of, "It's nice to see a dad kiss his daughter."

That was all it took for The Donald to give everyone the heebie-jeebies, telling the audience he kisses her every chance he gets.

Excuse me a minute:

I feel better!

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

So we’re going to talk about some random Trump madness for this entry and add our usual brand of hilarity using the Fake Trump Tweet generator. For instance you know Matt Lauer had his lips firmly implanted on Trump’s ass this week:

Lauer's handling of the NBC News "Commander-In-Chief Forum" with Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump on Wednesday night was widely panned by journalists and pundits.

The "Today" show co-host was criticized for spending too much time on Clinton's emails, lobbing softball questions to Trump, and neglecting to fact-check the Republican nominee when he falsely claimed to have opposed the Iraq War in 2002.

"This #NBCNewsForum feels like an embarrassment to journalism," New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof wrote on Twitter.


But there’s also more Trump madness. He went a full 180 on the birther situation which in both of Obama’s terms in office, Donald Trump said some things about Obama’s birth certificate that weren’t exactly what one would call “flattering”:

Hillary Clinton’s campaign first raised this issue to smear then-candidate Barack Obama in her very nasty, failed 2008 campaign for President. This type of vicious and conniving behavior is straight from the Clinton Playbook. As usual, however, Hillary Clinton was too weak to get an answer. Even the MSNBC show Morning Joe admits that it was Clinton’s henchmen who first raised this issue, not Donald J. Trump.

In 2011, Mr. Trump was finally able to bring this ugly incident to its conclusion by successfully compelling President Obama to release his birth certificate. Mr. Trump did a great service to the President and the country by bringing closure to the issue that Hillary Clinton and her team first raised. Inarguably, Donald J. Trump is a closer. Having successfully obtained President Obama’s birth certificate when others could not, Mr. Trump believes that President Obama was born in the United States.

Except that's not true. Indeed, virtually every line of the statement is a lie.

Hillary Clinton did not allege that the president was born in Kenya. Trump did not compel Obama to release his birth certificate "when others had not"—Obama had already released a copy of his birth certificate, but critics, including Trump, believed it to be a fake. So Obama released a longer birth certificate in 2011—but that release did not bring "closure" to the issue. Instead, Trump called it a forgery, citing "Israeli science," and announced that he was sending a team of investigators to Hawaii to uncover the truth. He suggested that a Hawaiian health official who knew of the cover-up had died in suspicious circumstances.


But here’s what could probably be my favorite Trump story of the week. He allegedly may or may not have spent Trump Foundation money to buy a $20,000 portrait of himself. Ok this makes my head hurt. So Donald Trump has a giant building in New York with his name on it:

A casino in Las Vegas with his name on it:

A Boeing 757 with his name on it:

Eats KFC with a silver knife and fork:

Proudly proclaims that the best taco bowls come from Trump Tower:

And now spends $20,000 on a portrait for himself, and Hillary Clinton is the elitist? Get the fuck out of here!

In 2007, Donald Trump spent $20,000 that belonged to his charity — the Donald J. Trump Foundation — to buy a six-foot-tall portrait of himself during a fundraiser auction at his Mar-a-Lago Club in Florida.

That purchase was reported Sunday by The Washington Post. Since then, the portrait has been the center of a mystery: What did Trump do with the painting after he bought it?

If Trump did not give the painting to a charity — or find a way to use it for charitable purposes — he may have violated IRS rules against “self-dealing,” which prohibit nonprofit leaders from spending charity money on themselves.

Can we show that?

He looks like Shooter McGavin from Happy Gilmore. You will not make this putt, jackass!!

[font size="8"]Mike Pence[/font]

We’ve discussed possible future president Donald Trump ad nauseum in the last few months – even going so far as to do an all Trump edition (see [link: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10028087991 | Idiots #38]. But we really haven’t talked about possible future VICE president Mike Pence yet (see what I did there? ) all that much. Anyway, he said some pretty controversial shit about the “deplorables” which we will cover in the next entry. In fact let’s take a look at some choice Pence quotes to get a feel for what’s coming down the pike.

From the man who brought you one of the nation’s strictest anti-choice laws, defunded Planned Parenthood and caused an HIV outbreak, voted three times against a bill to address workplace gender discrimination, and most recently, giddily joined the presidential ticket of America’s most prominent misogynist, the many sexist comments of Mike Pence should hardly come as a surprise. Pence made headlines for a very sexist op-ed which somehow managed to cite Disney’s Mulan as evidence for why women shouldn’t be in the military, but it was rife with plenty of other misogynistic points worth noticing. Recently, yet another very sexist op-ed by the Indiana Governor and staunch social conservative, published in The Indianapolis Star in 1997, came to light and is worth dissecting.

It’s true that both essays by Pence were written nearly 20 years ago at this point, and there is a social statute of limitations on saying stupid things. That is, if you go on to offer some evidence that you’ve learned, know better, and see things differently now — none of which Pence has done. With regard to his Mulan comments, not only does it at least appear that Pence has maintained his stance, joining the ticket of a man who famously proposed preventing military rape by barring women, but he also called for a ban on gay men in the military in 2000.


Yes we can and are being serious. So let’s go through some of these shall we?

“For years, we have gotten the message from the mouthpieces of the popular culture that you can have it all, career, kids and a two-car garage.”

His 1997 op-ed, “Day-care Kids,” was filled with gems like this. In Pence’s eyes, the privilege of balancing family life and career, popularly known as “having it all,” should be reserved for men. Why, you ask?

“Sure, you can have it all, but your day-care kids get the short end of the emotional stick.”

This doesn’t appear to be gendered language on the surface. But children go to day care when both of their parents are working, and they don’t have a parent to stay home with them. And I bet you can guess which parent Pence thinks should be staying at home with the kids and should be blamed for “stunting” their children’s “emotional development.” If you can’t guess, he makes it perfectly clear in another line in the op-ed.

Now let’s fast forward to approximately last week:

PENCE: As I've told you the last time I was on, I'm not really sure why the media keeps dropping David Duke's name. Donald Trump has denounced David Duke repeatedly. We don't want his support and we don't want the support of people who think like him.
BLITZER: So you call him a deplorable. You would call him deplorable.
PENCE: No, I'm not in the name-calling business, Wolf. You know me better than that. What Hillary Clinton did Friday night was shocking. I mean, the millions of people who support Donald Trump around this country are not a basket of anything. They are Americans. And they deserve the respect of the Democrat nominee for president of the United States. For her to rattle off this litany of pejoratives was just really shocking.

[font size="8"]The Deplorables[/font]

So that happened. And you might ask yourself “Who are the deplorables?” Well we answer you – they are simply put, deplorable. Like Mike Pence in the previous entry. Or Alex Jones. Or Rush Limbaugh. Or Ted Nugent. They’re just the most racist, sexist, hateful people on the planet. People who think that Hillary Clinton was replaced with a body double when she had a bout with pneumonia last week!

Famous Clinton impersonator Teresa Barnwell first played along, tweeting she might have been in New York that day. She was actually on the West Coast, preparing for a Spike TV network show. She had been in New York just a few weeks ago and a friend took her past Chelsea Clinton's building, where they took photos.

"As I was sitting in my dressing room, I posted [a photo] to have a little fun," Barnwell said, adding that she had never shared the New York photo previously. "I had already posted that I was in L.A. before that, so I was just joking with people."

Barnwell later said she was in Los Angeles during the time of the photos, telling people to “calm down.”

In fact I think if you made a ven diagram based on who the deplorables are, and America’s religious right, you would find these two things have a lot in common. So here’s what happened:

New York (CNN)Hillary Clinton expressed "regret" Saturday for comments in which she said "half" of Donald Trump's supporters are "deplorables," meaning people who are racist, sexist, homophobic or xenophobic.
"Last night I was 'grossly generalistic,' and that's never a good idea. I regret saying 'half' -- that was wrong," Clinton said in a statement in which she also vowed to call out "bigotry" in Trump's campaign.

The Democratic presidential nominee sparked an uproar late Friday when she described Trump's supporters at a fundraiser.
"To just be grossly generalistic, you can put half of Trump supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables," Clinton said. "Right? Racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamaphobic, you name it."

Did she say half? You know what, Hillary? We support you here 100%, and we will not fault you if your math is off. It’s not half of Trump supporters who are “deplorable”. It’s not half, it’s 100 fucking percent of Trump followers that are deplorables! Like this guy!

Or this guy:

Even that baby in that picture is like “what the fuck am I getting into?” Or this guy:

Or these women:

In fact these douchebags and douchebagettes love Trump so much that they’re proudly wearing their ignorance on their sleeve:

Well, that didn't take long.

Just days after Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton said half of Donald Trump's supporters make up a "basket of deplorables," some of those supporters are embracing the label. Among those whom Clinton dismissed as the "basket" cases there is a sense of pride in being insulted by the candidate they despise.

A wide variety of "deplorable" merchandise is already available online. On the shopping website Etsy, one can find deplorable T-shirts, key chains, car decals, buttons, pendants, coffee mugs and even a deplorable pocket watch.

Can we show that?

Good! You’re easy to identify! Bravo, well done!

In fact Trumpenfuror has been weighing in on the subject:

ASTON, Pa. — From the fundraising circuit to campaign stops in places like suburban Philadelphia, Donald Trump is trying to turn Hillary Clinton's "basket of deplorables" comment from last week into this year's version of Mitt Romney's "47%" remark from the 2012 election.

Just as Romney's comment that 47% of the electorate would be with President Obama because they are "dependent upon government" undermined his campaign, Trump and his aides are looking for a similar effect from Clinton's claim that half of the businessman's supporters are racist xenophobes, saying it reflects disdain for all Americans.

And even worse – he’s embracing the idea. This is not good, it’s almost like Mitt Romney’s 47% comment that cost him the election in 2012. Almost. :

Baltimore (CNN)Donald Trump pounced Monday on Hillary Clinton for calling half of his supporters a "basket of deplorables" late last week, launching a new attack ad and arguing on the stump that the remark disqualifies Clinton from the presidency.
The Republican nominee, speaking Monday at the National Guard Association's annual conference, called on Clinton to apologize for and retract her remarks, arguing that she had "slandered" millions of Americans. Trump's outrage Monday was a significant political statement for a candidate who has repeatedly offended millions of Americans throughout his controversial campaign.

"The disdain that Hillary Clinton expressed toward millions of Americans disqualifies her from public service. You cannot run for president if you have such contempt in your heart for the American voter," Trump said. "You can't lead this nation if you have such a low opinion of its citizens."

[font size="8"]The Bathroom Police[/font]

So we got to talk about some Twitter trolling this week when it comes to the Bathroom Police. Some incredibly sad news happened last week. Not one, but two trans activists passed away very sadly and suddenly. The first of course is Alexis Arquette:

It is with a heavy heart that we’ve learned actor and trans-rights activist Alexis Arquette has passed away at age 47 on Sunday, September 11. Her passing was confirmed by her brother Richmond Arquette. Alexis was born Robert Arquette, and her transition from male to female was documented in the 2007 film Alexis Arquette: She’s My Brother. Alexis’ cause of death has not yet been confirmed.

Arquette was maybe best known for playing a Boy George-inspired character in the 1998 comedy The Wedding Singer, as well as a memorable bit role in Pulp Fiction. She also had small but memorable parts in dozens of other films in the ’90s and early 2000s, like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Threesome, Inside Out, and Bride of Chucky, and television series like Xena and Roseanne. Alexis came from a famous family, as her siblings were well-known actors Rosanna, Patricia and David Arquette.

That’s sad enough. And then this happened also:

SAVANNAH, Ga. — The Lady Chablis, the transgender performer who became an unlikely celebrity for her role in the 1994 best-seller "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil," died Thursday in Savannah, her family said. She was 59.

Chablis' sister, Cynthia Ponder, confirmed she died at Candler Hospital. A close friend, Cale Hall, said Chablis died from pneumonia and had been in the hospital for the past month.

A modern, nonfiction take on Southern Gothic storytelling, author John Berendt's "Midnight" thrust Savannah into the pop-culture spotlight. And the sassy, blunt-spoken Chablis rode the book's popularity to a level of fame that was rare for transgender performers at the time.

Now that we got that out of the way, the shit being spewed on Twitter was unbelievable. In fact the hate and vitriol was so toxic that, as they say on Animal House, “the decorum prohibits me from listing that here.”. But really do a search – it’s pretty horrifying. Now that we got that out of the way – we got to talk about the real consequences that the North Carolina HB-2 bill is having on the state. You know a few editions ago, we talked about how the NCAA was threatening to pull the College World Series out of Lincoln if a proposed bill similar to HB 2 was passed. Well they actually put their foot down in regards to HB-2:

Oh, sweet home, North Carolina. What a mess you have become. After the insane HB2 bill passed (which essentially forces trans men and women to have an unnecessarily uncomfortable bathroom visit), people have been canceling on the state left and right.

Now, they may have lost their biggest endorsement to the state, and the GOP's response surely isn't helping.

If you grew up in North Carolina like I did, you would know that the NCAA Tournament is one of the most long-awaited events of the year. There are games, cookouts, parties, concerts, etc. It has to be the single greatest week for the state, for sure (but don't quote me on that). What you can quote me on is the fact that North Carolina is now set to lose over $100 million due to this stupid bill.

Well let’s expand on that. Of course the GOP reacted in the typical way that you would expect a 5 year old to react when you take their toys away:

But there is some good news in the war on bathrooms – I don’t want you to think this show is just about negativity, no good sir / madam! We head across the pond to China for this one (yes the same anti-human rights violating China):

”Since 2001 when homosexuality was declassified as an illness in mainland China, 40 percent of the psychology and mental health teaching materials published on the mainland say homosexuality is an illness," Qiu said.

She first raised the issue and lodged legal cases with the Ministry of Education in 2015, as well as with publishers of the textbooks. But her complaints were ignored and her applications were rejected.

A promise by the Ministry of Education to deal with her case through their internal mediation process in return for dropping one of the lawsuits also failed to materialize, Qiu said.

"As someone studying within the education system, when the Ministry of Education tells me that the education materials have no connection with us and we won't deal with it, it's really disappointing."

And of course here at the Top 10 whenever we talk about the Bathroom Police, we have to mention actual sex crimes committed by actual fundies, and they of course leave me no shortage of material here:

A former Ohio mayor has admitted to repeatedly raping a child, prosecutors said — but the self-described Christian blames the girl for her own sexual abuse.

Richard Keenan, who served as mayor of Hubbard in 2010 and 2011, was indicted last month eight counts of rape and 12 counts of attempted rape and gross sexual imposition, reported the Youngstown Vindicator.

The 65-year-old Keenan pleaded not guilty last month during a court appearance, but prosecutors said he admitted to sexually assaulting the girl over a three-year period, beginning when she was 4 years old.

Hey Christian fundamentalists!!!! Stop taking AK47s into bathrooms because you’re afraid of trans people needing to pee because they “might commit a sex crime”. THIS IS WHAT AN ACTUAL SEX CRIMINAL LOOKS LIKE!!!!!!

[font size="8"]Values Voters Summit Recap[/font]

Time once again to ask:

The Values Voters Summit. How is this still a thing? You might remember the Values Voters from the 2004 election when George Bush touted them as the saviors of the country, or in 2008 when John McCain touted them as the saviors of the country, or in 2012 when Mitt Romney touted them as the saviors of the country. Well in those elections, they didn’t show up. Ha ha. Another year another jaw-breaking yawn that is the Values Voters Summit. And every year the speakers for the summit seem to decline in quality on a huge scale. And I do mean a steep decline in quality. They went from this guy:

To this guy:

To this woman:

To this woman:

To the father of a serial child molester:


To this guy:

Yup, that's a steep decline all right. This is the same group of people who think batshit crazy homophobes like Phil Robertson and Jim Bob Duggar are the “moral high ground”. If these people are your friends, who are your enemies? Well look at the lineup of speakers they had this year!

At the annual Values Voter Summit this weekend, Christian conservative leaders and attendees offered interesting and sometimes bizarre explanations for why they’re supporting the thrice-married, often offensive and insulting Donald Trump in interviews with me for SiriusXM Progress. Outside the conference of evangelical activists at which Trump spoke on Friday, a group of religious leaders opposed to Trump staged a protest, explaining that the Republican nominee didn’t exemplify Christian values when he mocked a reporter with disabilities and called women “pigs.”

The sad thing is Jon Voight will forever be tied with a certain 1984 LeBaron convertible:

And a certain batshit crazy congressman from Texas:

WASHINGTON ― Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) said Hillary Clinton is “mentally impaired” during a speech at the Values Voter Summit on Friday.

Gohmert said that he didn’t want to make fun of Clinton, then went on to do just that.

“You don’t make fun of people who are impaired, have special needs, and whether you like her or not, Hillary Clinton has made clear that she is mentally impaired and this is not somebody you should be making fun of,” Gohmert said to laughter in the audience.

Yup! Bet you didn’t think it was going to be him did you? But the craziest takeaway from the Values Voters Summit? According to Matt Blevin, the new governor of Kentucky, if Hillary Clinton is elected in November – guess what? We are all going to die tonight! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Kentucky Governor Matt Bevin may be calling for a violent uprising if Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton is elected in November.

After being elected following his unwavering support for anti-equality crusader Kim Davis, Bevin received the Distinguished Christian Statesman award from the D. James Kennedy Center for Christian Statesmanship on Friday night at the Values Voters Summit. But it was his Saturday speech that is raising eyebrows. Bevin told the ultra-right audience that he thinks America is at a crossroads.

“We don’t have multiple options,” he warned. “We’re going one way or we’re going the other way, politically, spiritually, morally, economically, from a liberty standpoint. We’re going one way or we’re going the other way.”

And of course he happened to show up. You know – him:

Donald Trump has been often accused of sounding like and/or patterning his speeches after Adolf Hitler, and after delivering his Values Voters Summit speech Friday in Washington, D.C., he’ll likely be accused of paraphrasing Hitler once again. Because inasmuch as many political speeches speak to nationalism and patriotism, and neither Trump nor Hitler are exceptions to the rule (and far from it), 2016 Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump seems to have taken a line straight from the Nazi Party slogan “Ein volk, Ein reich, Ein Fuhrer!” (“One people, one empire, one leader!”).

Right Side Broadcasting streamed the Values Voters Summit in Washington, D.C., live on YouTube Friday, September 9, presenting several speakers — such as Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus and former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani — at the annual conference. The main speaker, of course, was Republican Party nominee for president Donald Trump. He regaled the crowd of Christian voters in his usual bombastic way, but near the end of the speech, Trump seemed to play into the hands of his accusers who claim that not only does Trump remind people of infamous dictators like Italian fascist Benito Mussolini and German Nazi leader Adolf Hitler with his jingoism, blatant nativist nationalism, and over-the-top fact-twisting scapegoating, but he sounds like them as well. He paraphrased the infamous Nazi Party slogan, “Ein volk, ein reich, ein Fuhrer!”

That’s enough to make you ask – the Values Voters Summit:

[font size="8"]Wells Fargo[/font]

You know that Russian comedian who performs in Branson, Missouri - Yakov Smirnov? Well this next story will make you incredibly angry. Because in capitalist America, banks rob you! And now we have proof because the biggest of all banks, Wells Fargo got caught creating tons of phony accounts. And well it doesn’t end well and you know who’s going to wind up paying for it? Well it ain’t Wells Fucking Fargo, that’s for damn sure! Here’s the story as it initially broke:

Financial regulators recently ordered Wells Fargo to pay $185 million to resolve allegations that the bank’s sales quotas and incentives pushed employees to open millions of unauthorized accounts, but that my not be the end of Wells’ troubles, with the U.S. Department of Justice now looking into the matter.

Federal prosecutors in U.S. attorney’s offices in New York and San Francisco are in the early stages of an investigation related to the bank’s alleged improper sales tactics that started in 2013, The Wall Street Journal reports, citing sources familiar with the matter.

The investigation centers on whether someone in senior management within the bank directed employees to falsify documents in conjunction with the opening of more than one million accounts and other banking products without customers’ knowledge.

Yes that’s right – Wells Fargo is ordered to pay $185 million. Which means us regular chumps who have accounts with them will probably get… 35 cents. 36 cents if we’re lucky. But there’s more. So much more.

Everyone hates paying bank fees. But imagine paying fees on a ghost account you didn't even sign up for.

That's exactly what happened to Wells Fargo customers nationwide.

On Thursday, federal regulators said Wells Fargo (WFC) employees secretly created millions of unauthorized bank and credit card accounts -- without their customers knowing it -- since 2011.

The phony accounts earned the bank unwarranted fees and allowed Wells Fargo employees to boost their sales figures and make more money.

"Wells Fargo employees secretly opened unauthorized accounts to hit sales targets and receive bonuses," Richard Cordray, director of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, said in a statement.

5300 employees! How deep does this thing go? This is just plain fucking evil. Which I am sure has absolutely nothing to do with this:

Wells Fargo & Co’s ( wfc ) “sandbagger”-in-chief is leaving the giant bank with an enormous pay day—$124.6 million.

In fact, despite beefed-up “clawback” provisions instituted by the bank shortly after the financial crisis, and the recent revelations of massive misconduct, it does not appear that Wells Fargo is requiring its former consumer banking chief Carrie Tolstedt to give back any of her nine-figure pay. Until recently, Tolstedt was in charge of the unit where Wells Fargo employees opened more than 2 million largely unauthorized customer accounts—a seemingly routine practice that employees internally referred to as “sandbagging.”

On Thursday, Wells Fargo ( wfc ) agreed to pay $185 million, including the largest penalty ever imposed by the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, to settle claims that that it defrauded its customers. The bank’s shareholders will ultimately have to swallow the cost of that settlement. The bank also said it had fired 5,300 employees over five years related to the bad behavior.

Yup! They get laid off and the boss pockets big! But you know there’s nothing to see here. Which I think could be the end result of what happened with this story from 2014:

Attorneys, forensic accountants and consumer advocates have long suspected that banks were systematically creating improper documents to prove ownership of loans. Foreclosure defense lawyers use the term ‘ta-da’ endorsement to describe situations in which they say a document appears, as if by magic, in the bank’s possession as needed in a foreclosure case—even though the proper endorsement was not included in the original foreclosure filing. It might sound like a technicality, but correct proof of ownership lies at the heart of the foreclosure crisis for securitized loans, which were sold by the lender that originally issued the mortgage. To legally transfer a securitized loan, the endorsements and allonges have to be created in a very specific way and within a specific time frame, usually 90 days after a residential mortgage trust closes. For many loans in foreclosure now, which were originated years ago and then sold, it’s way too late to correct incomplete documents, experts said.

[font size="8"]The Bundy Bunch[/font]

So by now you know that the Bundy Bunch’s long awaited trial for what they did to the Malheur Wildlife Sanctuary is well underway in Oregon. But that’s not before they made some batshit crazy demands and that they really hate prison. Let’s recap some of it, shall we?

Ammon Bundy, his brother Ryan Bundy, and co-defendants Ryan Payne and Brian Cavalier are appealing ... U.S. District Court Judge Anna J. Brown's ruling last week that would allow U.S. marshals to transport them April 13 to Nevada ...

Their defense lawyers argued that they didn't think federal prosecutors in Oregon and Nevada should pursue criminal cases against the defendants at the same time. Splitting time between courtrooms and jail cells in Oregon and Nevada would severely compromise their ability to meaningfully communicate with their defense attorneys and would interfere with their rights to speedy trials, they argued ...

The formal notice of appeal was made to the court on Monday, likely placing any transfer on hold until the matter is heard by the appellate court.


Which the prosecutors quickly opposed:

LAS VEGAS (AP) – Prosecutors are telling a federal judge in Las Vegas that Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy and 18 co-defendants should be tried together in a criminal conspiracy case stemming from an armed standoff with federal agents in 2014.

Documents filed Friday by the U.S. attorney in Nevada respond to filings by Bundy, his adult sons and nearly all the other defendants seeking separate trials.

Prosecutors argue it’s more efficient for one trial with one jury that can see “the entire picture of an alleged crime” ...


And – my favorite part – they want to act as their own attorney in all of this! Because you know that’s the type of sanity you want in a trial like this – and you know what they say – a man who is his own attorney has a fool for a client!

PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) — A federal judge agreed to let Oregon standoff defendants Ryan Bundy and Kenneth Medenbach represent themselves at their upcoming trial, despite concerns they won't follow court rulings in the presence of the jury.

U.S. District Judge Court Anna Brown threatened to take away their right to self-representation because they have repeatedly challenged the court's jurisdiction. At a hearing Tuesday, she wanted them to promise they wouldn't raise issues in front of a jury that have already been resolved.

Medenbach said he would follow the rules. Bundy was more hesitant, but eventually agreed ...


So here’s what they’re on trial for exactly:

... When we last left the Bundy posse, the federal government had charged 26 individuals who took part in the Malheur occupation and 19 people ...

So far, 11 Malheur defendants have pleaded guilty to charges of conspiring to impede federal employees at the Malheur wildlife refuge through intimidation, threats or force ... The eight Malheur defendants who will step into court this week have entered not guilty pleas ... Another seven Malheur defendants are part of a separate trial also set for next February ...

“The Bundy family and their outlandish opinions on American democracy and American public lands will no doubt be on display during this trial,” says Greg Zimmerman, of the progressive research group Center for Western Priorities. “But let's not lose sight of the fact that the Bundys have continued to receive support from elected officials.”

“The reality is the history of this family’s engagement with the federal government is not a laughing matter,” adds Lenz. “It’s a serious safety concern.”


And they’ve already made a list of demands for the trial – and we’re not even two days in!

Oregon sheriff David Ward said Ammon Bundy and his armed supporters repeatedly threatened “to overthrow” him and tore apart his small rural community, in the first testimony in the high-profile militia standoff case.

Ward’s town is still recovering from the impact of the Malheur national wildlife refuge occupation, the sheriff told a packed federal courtroom in Portland on the second day of the trial.

“We’re still dealing with a lot of the fallout,” he said.

Ward, the local sheriff in rural Harney County, was thrust into the national spotlight at the start of the armed occupation, which began on 2 January when brothers Ammon and Ryan Bundy led a takeover of the Malheur national wildlife refuge to protest against the federal government.

But strap in folks because we are in this shit for the long haul!

[font size="8"]People Are Dumb[/font]

We need some music for this entry can we get that please?

Yeah love me some Depeche Mode! But seriously people are people, and people are dumb. As the late great George Carlin once said “There are a lot of stupid motherfuckers out there!”. Well no more stupid than child murderer / fucking scumbag George Zimmerman:

George Zimmerman used his testimony at the trial of a man accused of trying to murder him to say that Black Lives Matter is a “terrorist” group.

The 32-year-old was questioned Wednesday in the case of Matthew Apperson, who admits that he shot at Zimmerman’s truck on the highway last year but claims that the former Florida neighborhood watch volunteer threatened him first.

Apperson’s lawyer Michael Fay has alluded to Zimmerman’s 2012 killing of Trayvon Martin since the alleged victim took the stand on Tuesday.

Zimmerman, who said that he shot the unarmed 17-year-old because he feared for his life, was ultimately acquitted for the shooting during a 2013 trial.

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/george-zimmerman-blm-members-terrorists-article-1.2792682

After seeing this, is there any doubt that he murdered Trayvon Martin? By the way I don’t know if you saw this week’s South Park but they took some jabs at the alt-right movement, BLM, and Colin Kaepernick:

So moving on to the next entry in “People Are Dumb” – we have stupid lawsuits. There really isn’t anything I can say for this intro so I’ll just let the story do the talking:

A woman is suing her dildo manufacturer for knowing too much about when and how she uses it.

A few weeks ago, two researchers told the Defcon hacking convention audience that We-Vibe “smart” sex toys send a lot of data about their users back to the company that makes them. According to Courthouse News, one We-Viber took this news hard. A woman known only as “N.P.” filed a class action civil suit in a federal court in Illinois against Standard Innovation, which makes the We Vibe line of sex toys and corresponding app.

The smartphone app lets users “customize” their We-Vibe experience, unlock app-only “bonus” vibration modes such as the “cha-cha-cha” and the “crest,” and “create unlimited custom playlists,” according to the product’s website. In the suit, N.P. says she bought a We-Vibe in May and used it “several times” until she realized that it was sending data about her usage practices back to Standard Innovation’s servers, including when she used it, which vibration settings she used, and her email address.

Wait wait wait… back up. You bought a smart phone connected vibrator. You bought a vibrator that works on Bluetooth. And you’re concerned about privacy? Don’t you know that everything we do on smartphones is recorded and tracked? Shit, there’s pleasure devices you can buy that don’t require Bluetooth. I mean what’s next? A French tickler that works by drone? A dildo that whistles “oh come all ye faithful”?

Next in “People Are Dumb”, I give you a guy who inexplicably still thinks he’s relevant, you know this guy:

In a column for WorldNetDaily this week, entertainer and conservative activist Pat Boone declared that “America is abandoning God” and that, as a result, God is lifting “His hand of protection” from the nation, leading us to a presidential election “between two candidates no current majority wants.”

“He knows we’re headed toward financial ruin, escalating internal violence, loss of world leadership, moral corruption and eventual collapse of our government—unless we collectively call Him back into our national life!” Boone wrote.

Hey Pat and Bill - you know why we "secular progressives" don't stand up and defend retail stores during the non existent "war on Christmas"? It's called "not giving a shit"!!!! You guys are the ones who started this whole thing, and you're fighting a one sided "war" that nobody cares about but you! You should too - try not giving a shit, it's good for you. You know – if you actually believe there’s a war on Christmas and that we’re losing, and Gawd is the only solution, you’re dumb.

But this might be my favorite story of the week. We go to Tennessee for this one. Before I begin to talk about this story, I am not making light of sexual assault AT ALL. I don’t want to get any complaints because I am making fun of this story. But this right here is the definition of a conservative idiot. Bar none. This is why real sexual assault crimes like Brock Turner aren’t taken seriously, because of fucking morons like this who have to go ruin it for actual victims of sex crimes.

Hibachi chefs at Wasabi restaurant in Murfreesboro have used Wee Wee's antics for years to amuse diners by squirting a little H2O while they juggle their knives and sizzle up onions.

Most people think it’s pretty funny. Isabelle Lassiter isn’t one of them.

Lassiter, her husband, James, and their four children were seated at the hibachi table in the Japanese restaurant Tuesday night when the chef brought out Wee Wee, pulled down his plastic pants and squirted water on her.

Hilarity did not ensue.

Lassiter was offended. In fact, she said, she felt sexually offended. So she called the police, according to NewsChannel5 in Nashville.

Yeah they went and filed a lawsuit. Because of this toy. This toy!!!!!!!!!

Now here’s where things get as they say batshit fucking crazy. It’s a toy people! You don’t get 911 involved for something like this. The mere stupidity of this is simply mind boggling!

The manager said the man gave her two choices—either refund them for the meal or he would call police and have the business shut down.

He ultimately called 911, telling the dispatcher he isn’t from Tennessee so he wasn’t sure of their protocol about calling the emergency number.

The husband then relayed what happened.

“The chef here that was doing our meal, at the end of the meal pulled out this little freakin’ doll with its pants down and he shot water on my wife out of its d***,” the man told a Murfreesboro police dispatcher.

Did you look at the toy you morons? It has no dick!!! As the late great Alan Rickman said in the movie Dogma “It’s about as anatomically incorrect as a Ken doll.”. But there’s more!

“It was a sexual-style assault on my wife,” said James. “In front of our minor children and grandchildren.”

The officer that took the report found that the description wasn’t totally accurate. “I observed the toy to have no penis and just a hole for the water to shoot out.”

The restaurant’s management said chefs will now ask permission before spraying the guests.

No charges have been filed. Click here to read the full incident report.

It was really??? I just… I can’t…. I don’t… the stupid… ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8"]Dwight Yoakam Covers "Purple Rain"[/font]

You know folks, to get the smell of stupid out of the room, before we go this week I have a bonus song for you. You know ever since the tragic death of His Purpleness, Prince Rogers Nelson, back in June, the tributes have just been pouring out. Some have been great, and some have been really shitty. And then there's unique mashups like this. And - surprisingly - a Bluegrass tribute to Prince actually works! Break out your cowbells and get a hoedown going for this one! Yeehaw!

We are off next week, I will be traveling and not have a lot of access to my computer during that time, but we will back on Sunday 9/30 with a brand new edition! See you in two weeks!
September 11, 2016

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #41: Make Mexico Great Again Also Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #41: Make Mexico Great Again Also Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Before we begin let me just check the Top 10 e-mail bag. No, I will not take your survey. No, I will not rate my purchase. No, I will not rate the packaging of my recent purchase at Amazon. But really why such a giant box for such a tiny memory card? No, I will not subscribe to a radio I don’t own. Thank you Sirius. Advertisements for car dealerships nowhere near me. And please stop asking me to go to your sales “events”. Those can all go. Travel specials but only for dates I’m not traveling. And for destinations I have no interest in visiting. Sure, I can take a flight from LAX to Boise for $74, but why would I need to unless I was doing a show there? Those can all go. No I don’t want your promo codes or your Facebook updates. No I am not going to download an update to my e-mail app. No I don’t need to add account verification. Please stop asking for my phone number, and answers to secret questions. No, I don’t want to talk to a sales expert on a product I was just looking at. In short… I got nothing of any importance. We are back ladies and gentlemen! Before we begin, the Top 10 is going to be permanently moving back to Sundays for the time being. How is everyone doing on this fine Sunday morning? Ready for some fun? Ready to hear some jokes about conservatives fucking up in the news? I know I am! Do you want to see some funny video clips of Donald Trump saying something ridiculously stupid? How about hilarious TV show and movie memes? I know that I am! Normally this is where I would show some talk show clip but Bill Maher and John Oliver are both on vacation, Colbert has been putting out some good bits but nothing really. And a couple weeks ago I talked about the passing of the Big Lebowski himself - David Hiddleston. Well, a guy on Youtube has broken down that movie into nothing but the swears. To quote The Stranger - "Do you have to use so many cuss words?" and the answer? Yes!

There’s always that. So where do we begin this week? Well first Donald Trump is going to take up the first four slots. In the first slot we’re going to tell you about a rather shady donation to the Donald Trump foundation made by a Florida representative candidate. And the shit is about to hit the fan. In the second and third slots, he went to Mexico and we are going to recap the insanity of the trip – with Spanish (thanks to Google translator!). In slot number 4 we’re going to talk about some random shit that possible future president Donald J. Trump has been up to including threatening Hillary Clinton and embarassing himself in front our nation's veterans. In the number 5 slot, we’re going to talk about who *IS* supporting Donald Trump – and if you guessed that its’ the KKK, Isis, and Kim Jong Un, you are correct sir / madam! Taking the 6th slot is Maine governor Paul LePage, who’s experiencing the fallout from last week’s voicemail SNAFU and is um, going full Trump. In the number 7 slot we’re going to devote it to a story we were going to discuss prior to the Colin Kapernick situation. We’re going to introduce you to Northern California pastor Jeremy Lucas, who intended to rig a raffle where an AK47 was the grand prize and destroy the gun. But while the reverend had intended to do a good deed, he forgot to go through California’s mandatory background check procedure. D’oh!!! Speaking of crazy pastors, in the number 8 slot the Bathroom Police (8). There is some seriously evil, evil shit going on, but original founding member of the Bathroom Police – Pat McCrory committed an epic fail. At number 9 (NEIN!!!), because it's the 15th anniversary of 9/11 (holy shit it's really been 15 years??? ), we’re going to talk about some extremely poor 9/11 marketing fails - especially coming from a Florida Wal-Mart and a Texas mattress store that attempted to hold a 9/11 sale. Finally this week I hope you guys and gals aren’t scared of clowns. Because we have a potential episode of “The Conjuring” brewing in Greensboro, South Carolina. Specifically for the final entry this week we’re going to talk about the Creepy Clowns Of Greensboro (10). Which coincidentally happens to be the name of my Improv troop! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Quid Pro Quo. That thing you do when you’re stuck trying to find a large sum of money for a guy who you accidentally kidnapped after you got ridiculously wasted last night.

Oh wait, that was The Hangover. So Donald Trump may have committed a blatant act of quid pro quo this week. So Donald Trump’s resort in Florida, the famous Mar-A-Lago that also holds the Donald J. Trump mansion. But let’s go back further to explain. So Florida attorney general Pam Bondi was investigating Trump University’s Florida branch for some possible irregularities. Irregularities involving possible future president Donald J. Trump? I’m shocked, shocked I tell you!

Why is the contribution in the news right now?

Last week, Trump paid a $2,500 penalty to the Internal Revenue Service and refunded his foundation $25,000 from his personal wealth because the Sept. 17, 2013 contribution violated tax laws, the Washington Post reported.

The check came from the Donald J. Trump Foundation, a tax-exempt non-profit barred from contributing to political causes. The check went to And Justice For All, a committee that was the fundraising arm for Bondi’s re-election campaign — and undeniably political in nature.

The donation’s dubious legality was obscured for years because of an accounting error at the Trump Organization, which reported to the IRS that it had given $25,000 to a Kansas anti-abortion group called Justice for All.

“It’s an unfortunate series of coincidences and errors, Trump campaign spokeswoman Hope Hicks told the Herald/Times in March.

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/news/politics-government/election/donald-trump/article100392257.html#storylink=cpy

So that’s exactly what happened. But how is Trump University involved in this potentially colossal fuck up? So the allegations stem from an alleged investigation into Trump University’s shady business practices in 2013:

Trump denies allegations: Donald Trump is denying any connection between a political contribution benefiting the Florida attorney general and her office's decision to drop an investigation into Trump University, reports USA Today. "She's a fine person beyond reproach," Trump said of Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi, a prominent Trump supporter in an important battleground state. He added that he "never spoke to her" about any investigation.

The Washington Post reported that Trump paid a $2,500 penalty to the IRS because his charitable foundation violated tax laws with a $25,000 donation to a campaign group connected to Bondi. The contribution was made in 2013, when Bondi "was considering whether to investigate fraud allegations against Trump University. She decided not to pursue the case," The Post writes. Both Trump and Bondi have denied any wrongdoing.

So what about what comes next for Trump Univeristy? Guess what? After Bondi dropped the charges against Trump University – he held a fundraiser for her at Mar-A-Lago! D’oh!!!

WASHINGTON ― In March 2014, Donald Trump opened his 126-room Palm Beach resort, Mar-a-Lago, for a $3,000-per-person fundraiser for Pam Bondi, the Florida attorney general who had recently decided not to investigate Trump University and was facing a tough re-election campaign.

Trump, whose personal foundation had given $25,000 to a pro-Bondi group the previous fall, did not write a check to the attorney general that night. But by hosting her at Mar-a-Lago and bringing in some of his own high-profile Florida contacts, he provided her campaign with a nice financial boost.

Trump has claimed that Bondi was merely a candidate he knew well and supported politically. But his fundraising efforts were extensive: In addition to the $25,000 donation, Trump and his daughter Ivanka gave $500 each to Bondi in the fall of 2013. The following year, Ivanka and her father donated a total of $125,000 to the Republican Party of Florida.

All this monetary effort could suggest that Donald Trump was thanking Bondi for not probing his failed seminar program. His efforts to boost her politically came during and after a period when she was being publicly pressed to investigate claims that get-rich-quick seminars bearing his name were defrauding participants.

What’s the consequences of this? What could this mean for possible future president Donald J. Trump?

Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi has finally started to get some attention for the cash she personally “requested” from Donald Trump, the fat check which landed in Florida just in time to cause the state’s version of the Trump University lawsuit to conveniently go away, and the peachy-keen “thanks for not filing a lawsuit” prom Donald threw for her. If it’s not an obvious instance of bribery, it certainly appears to be.

But as it turns out, this is far from the only time Bondi was paid to look away.

Attorneys general are supposed to be crusaders of justice: men and women who aren't afraid to step on toes, take on tough cases and make the bad guys pay.

... the only thing the bad guys are paying is the tab. ...

And then there’s possible talk of a full FBI investigation into this mess:


And worse still. The donation — from Trump’s Section 501©(3) charitable foundation — was illegal. And never reported to the IRS. Tax-exempt charitable foundations are prohibited from engaging in political activity. That’s for Trump and the IRS to work out. But how the hell could a prohibited transgression like that go unremarked for nearly three years by its recipient, Florida’s chief legal officer? How was it that the very attorney general failed to check the provenance of her $25,000 donation?

Which only adds another sleazy chapter to Bondi’s history of bent ethics. In 2014, The New York Times reported that a Washington lobbying firm specializing in influencing state attorneys general had lavished considerable attention on Bondi, showering her with gifts, exotic junkets and campaign contributions. Meanwhile the Florida Attorney General’s Office lost interest in pursuing fraud allegations dogging the firm’s various clients.

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Before we begin this entry, a disclaimer. Since Donald Trump went to Mexico, we are going to offer our usual nonsense memes featuring possible future president Donald J. Trump in Spanish. And thanks to the Fake Trump Tweet generator, we can literally make him say anything in any language, like this:

Translation: “Hey, people of Mexico, you are stupid losers! You will pay for the wall, vote for me, and you will like it! #vivaUSA”

Second, there’s a Latino-owned in Illinois called the 5 Rabbit Cerveceria. They were originally tapped to brew the official beer for Chicago’s Trump Tower. But they have since changed the name. Can we show that?

Literally translated that means “fuck your hair”. Now back to our originally scheduled entry. Mexico. That country that Donald Trump loves to make fun of. So we have to talk about Donald Trump’s ill timed and ill fated visit to Mexico City, which as you can guess might be the most Donald Trump thing he has pulled in the campaign to date.

Donald J. Trump will visit Mexico on Wednesday for a private meeting with President Enrique Peña Nieto — a trip that will take him to a nation he has repeatedly scorned — before quickly flying back for what is billed as a major immigration speech in Arizona.

The Mexican president’s office said Mr. Peña Nieto had sent invitations last week to both Mr. Trump and Hillary Clinton. The negotiations for both trips were first reported by The Washington Post. Mrs. Clinton’s campaign would not comment Tuesday on whether she had received the invitation.

Mr. Peña Nieto is reaching out to Mr. Trump in the face of the Republican candidate’s antagonistic attitude toward Mexico in his policies and campaign rallies. He has said many Mexican immigrants who enter the United States illegally are rapists, and he has repeatedly insisted that Mexico will pay for his proposed wall along the southern United States border.

He is widely reviled in Mexico, where the wall proposal has revived deep grievances over sovereignty and respect that have historically dogged Mexico’s relationship with the United States.

Read more: http://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/08/31/us/politics/donald-trump-mexico-enrique-pena-nieto.html

And that’s not the only thing that he did down there. Can we show that tape?

And like a good republican, Donald Trump met with Mexican President Nieto, but of course – refused to disclose what they talked about.

Donald Trump and Mexico's Peña Nieto meet but don't discuss who would pay for a border wall

Noah Bierman, Tracy Wilkinson and Kate Linthicum

Donald Trump showcased his flair for the dramatic spectacle again Wednesday, flying his unpredictable campaign across the southern border for a hastily arranged summit with the president of a country he has repeatedly maligned.

The move was stunning for a nominee whose presidential run began with harsh denunciations of Mexicans, whom he called “rapists” when he announced his candidacy, and whose slogan-ready pledge to build a border wall includes the improbable idea that Mexico will pay for it.

Trump and Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto had a cordial but frank discussion for about an hour at the presidential residence. The men said they did not discuss whether Mexico would pay for a wall along the countries’ shared border, a core campaign promise of the Republican presidential nominee. But Peña Nieto pointedly vowed to protect Mexican nationals living in the U.S. who contribute to prosperity and “deserve the respect of everyone.”...............................

Read more: http://www.latimes.com/politics/la-na-pol-trump-mexico-visit-20160831-snap-story.html

Also in case you were wondering if Donald Trump’s infamous “Make America Great Again” hat would make an appearance, well he changed it. Can we throw that up there?

Just when you thought the Trump campaign couldn’t get more strange, the Republican nominee found a way to make his camp out-weird itself with “Make Mexico Great Again Also” hats.

Whether you’re scratching your head because Donald Trump, the candidate who has built his campaign on slamming Mexico, is now suddenly interested in its prosperity or the odd phrasing of the hat, there’s consensus that this ish is bonkers.

The hats made their debut on Wednesday, when former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani and Arizona Sen. Jeff Sessions wore the cap while speaking in Phoenix, Arizona, where the presidential candidate gave his much-anticipated speech on immigration following his return from Mexico.

According to the campaign, it was Trump behind the hat, too.

I love that he included the “also”. And then in true Donald J. Trump fashion - he got fact checked by President Nieto right to his face, and he didn’t even flinch!

Mexican president Enrique Peña Nieto told Donald Trump during their private meeting today that Mexico would not pay for Trump’s proposed 2,000-mile barrier along the US-Mexico border, according to his Twitter feed.

Translation: “At the beginning of the conversation with Donald Trump
I made it clear that Mexico will not pay for the wall.”

Peña Nieto followed up, declaring that “From there, the conversation addressed other issues, and followed in a respectful manner.”


[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

We’re still not done with the insanity surrounding Donald Trump’s visit to Mexico. Oh no, mi amigos. There is plenty more to cover and there’s a lot of batshit crazy stuff out there.

In a new interview with ABC News, Donald Trump's recollection appears to differ with Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto's account of their meeting last week when it comes to a key subject: Whether Peña Nieto actually said that Mexico wouldn't pay for Trump's proposed border wall.

Trump had said at a press conference following the meeting that the two had not discussed Trump's campaign promise that Mexico would pay for the wall between the United States and his country.

But shortly after the meeting, Peña Nieto's spokesman clarified and Peña Nieto himself tweeted that he had, in fact, brought up the wall and had told Trump in no uncertain terms that Mexico would not be paying for it.

Trump's comments Monday also notably contradict what his top backer, Rudy Giuliani, said about the meeting last week. Giuliani said that Peña Nieto didn't bring it up at the start of the meeting, but that he mentioned payment for the wall.

Read more: http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/donald-trump-appears-to-contradict-mexican-president-on-not-paying-for-wall-%E2%80%98he-didn%E2%80%99t-say-that%E2%80%99/ar-AAiAdet

And of course Trump’s Mexico speech isn’t really a speech until it’s put in song form:

And in case you were wondering just about how hypocritical Donald Trump is when it comes to his own hard-lined immigration policy, the Washington Post spells it out for you in very easy to understand terms:

A MONTH ago, Donald Trump and officials in his campaign assured voters they would organize a news conference to clear up questions about the legal means by which his Slovenian-born wife, Melania, entered the country in the mid-1990s and obtained a green card several years before they were married in 2005. Those questions persist, the Trump campaign has refused to answer them, and no such news conference has occurred.

Ms. Trump insists she violated no immigration laws; that may prove to be the case. Yet her own sketchy and not-quite-consistent account of her initial immigration status, along with the publication of nude modeling photos of her taken in New York the year before she says she entered the country, have combined to stoke doubts that she played entirely by the rules.

If she didn’t, some sympathy may be in order. U.S. immigration laws are so abstruse, so dysfunctional and so out of step with the demands of the American labor market that — well, it’s no accident that 11 million people live in this country without proper documentation, and that many or most of them have been here for 15 years or longer.

Less sympathy would be due Mr. Trump, who, having built his campaign around vilifying illegal immigrants, looks like a Grand Wizard of Hypocrisy. And having spent months as the most prominent exponent of the detestable “birther” movement, badgering the president to release his plainly valid and unexceptional birth certificate, the Republican presidential nominee now can’t be bothered to come clean on legitimate questions about the terms under which his wife entered the country and remained here.


But alas, Donald Trump is not flip flopping to the contrary:

WASHINGTON — Republican Donald Trump insists that he's not flip-flopping when it comes to his proposal to deport the estimated 11 million people living in the United States illegally — even though his new campaign manager now says his stance is "to be determined."

Trump said in an interview with Fox & Friends on Monday that he's "not flip-flopping," but wants to come up with "a really fair, but firm" solution.

Trump had previously proposed using a "deportation force" to remove the 11 million people living in the United States illegally— a proposal that excited many of his core supporters, but alienated Hispanic voters who could be pivotal in key states. Republican leaders fear that Trump can't win — and could drag down GOP congressional candidates — if he doesn't increase his support beyond his white, male base.

Trump met Saturday with Hispanic supporters, representatives of a community that has been wary of the billionaire businessman's deportation proposals and his plans to build a giant wall on the U.S.-Mexico border. Questioned on whether Trump still intends to deploy the deportation force, campaign manager Kellyanne Conway said Sunday: "To be determined."

Read more: http://www.sunjournal.com/news/0001/11/30/donald-trump-says-hes-not-flip-flopping-immigration/1980350#comments

But have you seen his new scary attack ad? Let’s show that, shall we?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Here’s the backstory:

He released a new ad on Friday that, like his speeches, paints foreign nationals coming to the U.S. as terrorist threats and criminals. It is his first ad of the general election against Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton.

“In Hillary Clinton’s America, the system stays rigged against Americans,” a voiceover says. “Syrian refugees flood in. Illegal immigrants convicted of committing crimes get to stay, collecting Social Security benefits, skipping the line. Our border open. It’s more of the same, but worse.”

“Donald Trump’s America is secure,” the voiceover continues. “Terrorists and dangerous criminals kept out. The border secure. Our families safe. Change that makes America safe again.”

The statement that the system is rigged is paired with an image of people in line to vote, with the text “system rigged” appearing next to a black woman. Trump has previously said the election may be rigged and has called for volunteers to monitor certain polling places.

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

So for this entry we are going to talk about possible future president Donald J. Trump and his on again, off again relationship with a little thing called “media”. Particularly that of endorsements he’s *NOT* getting! But first I love this story – taking a page from Seinfeld, he gave a speech on foreign policy – in front of a group of veterans, and in true Donald J. Trump fashion, literally went “yada yada” on the Iraq War, which the media is doing a terrific job of pretending that it doesn’t exist.

It was classic Trump: despite a friendly moderator, softball questions and an adoring crowd the Republican nominee bungled a national security Q&A Tuesday, just one day before a primetime special on some of the same topics.

After supporter and retired general Mike Flynn asked carefully crafted questions, Trump delivered incoherent answers, non-sequiturs and straight-up untruths as he tried to explain what he would do as commander-in-chief if elected.

Trump’s biggest advantage has been rhetoric: big promises—even unrealistic ones—without any specifics or any reasonable ways to accomplish them.

And this was in front of a group of veterans!!!!!

So in case you were wondering if that little yada yada of 100+ years of history and turmoil between Iraq and Iran in front of our nation’s veterans won him any votes, if you guessed zero, you are correct sir / madam!


Two retired four-star U.S. Army generals stepped up on Thursday morning and endorsed the Democratic nominee, Hillary Clinton. Although both Gens. David Maddox and Bob Sennewald say they have never endorsed a political candidate before, they both felt compelled to speak out this election cycle.

The two issued a joint statement to the press, saying:

‘Having each served over 34 years and retired as an Army four-star general, we each have worked closely with America’s strongest allies, both in NATO and throughout Asia.

‘Our votes have always been private, and neither of us has ever previously lent his name or voice to a presidential candidate. Having studied what is at stake for this country and the alternatives we have now, we see only one viable leader, and will be voting this November for Secretary Hillary Clinton.’

And there's more - apparently he told a crowd in Florida that Hillary Clinton could "shoot someone and it wouldn't affect her poll numbers. Gee... where have I heard that before?

PENSACOLA, Fla. — Donald J. Trump, in escalating attacks against Hillary Clinton, suggested on Friday that his opponent was so immune to prosecution that she could shoot someone in front of thousands of witnesses and not be prosecuted.

“She is being so protected,” Mr. Trump, the Republican presidential candidate, said to a crowd of more than 10,000 at an evening rally here. “She could walk into this arena right now and shoot somebody with 20,000 people watching, right smack in the middle of the heart, and she wouldn’t be prosecuted. O.K.? That’s what’s happening.”

Mr. Trump’s comments followed an extended, and at times vicious and unscripted, criticism of Mrs. Clinton, the Democratic presidential candidate, whom he called “an unstable person.” He repeatedly criticized the decision not to prosecute her over her email scandal, and also her record as secretary of state.

Oh and last week we covered the Colin Kaepernick situation ad nauseum, but did you know he is a bonafied Trump supporter?

At his news conference about 2 weeks ago, essentially stated the “We have a Presidential Candidate who deleted emails and did other illegal things.. if it were any other person, you’d be in jail”

I support his cause immensely, however he took the Trump Lies pushed by MSM and ate them whole..
I wonder how many of the millions who saw his quick rant to the press were influenced to move towards Trump..

I still get sick every time I see that Clip...Essential Colin perpetuated the narrative that Clinton is a crook which certainly will continue to help a huge racist in his quest to become president..


By the way – Donald Trump is always going about people who are the best and the greatest, and you know who thinks he could take on Donald Trump? Why it’s former Minnesota governor Jesse Ventura!

If it were up to Jesse Ventura, marijuana would be legal, Gary Johnson would be president and the United States would abandon the two-party system.

Oh, and American media companies would act more like Russia’s.

That’s just some of what the former Minnesota governor, ex-professional wrestler and author told Yahoo News in a wide-ranging interview on Thursday.

Switching Donald Trump with Jesse Ventura this late in the game would be certifiably batshit insane. It would be like putting Bentley decals on your 2006 Chrysler 300. You can dress it up all you want, but it still doesn't change the fact that you're driving a fucking 2006 Chrysler 300!

[font size="8"]Donald Trump Supporters[/font]

You know what they say about judging a person by the company they keep. Well while we’ve already gone over who’s *NOT* supporting Donald Trump, I am going to use this entry to very briefly talk about who *IS* supporting Donald Trump. Behind Door #1, of course frequent viewers of the Top 10 will know this one – David Duke!

White supremacist and former Ku Klux Klan leader David Duke announced a run for U.S. Senate in Louisiana in a web video today, linking his campaign to the message of Donald Trump’s presidential bid.

“I was the first major candidate in modern times to promote the term and policy of ‘America First,’” Duke said. “We cannot have free trade without fair trade.”

“I’m overjoyed to see Donald Trump and most Americans embrace most of the issues I’ve championed for years,” he said. ”I’ve always opposed these wars that lead our nation to disaster.”

Duke endorsed Trump's presidential run in February, and called on supporters to help the New York developer's White House campaign.

Behind door #2: Kim Jong Un!!!

A North Korean state media outlet has praised Donald Trump as a “wise politician” and “far-sighted candidate” who can reunify the Korean peninsula.

The DPRK Today editorial welcomed the presumptive Republican nominee’s willingness to talk to North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, NKNews.org reports, saying Trump could help bring about an end to the isolated country’s “Yankee go home” policy of hostility with the U.S.

“In my personal opinion, there are many positive aspects to the Trump’s ‘inflammatory policies’” Han Yong Mook, who describes himself as a Chinese North Korean scholar, wrote in the editorial. “Trump said ‘he will not get involved in the war between the South and the North,’ isn’t this fortunate from North Koreans’ perspective?”

The editorial also urged Americans to not vote for the “dull Hillary” Clinton.

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There it is! So North Korea is saying that Donald Trump is exciting and Hillary Clinton is dull. Just…. Wow!

And behind door #3 – Isis.

Donald Trump has been campaigning on a promise to eradicate the Islamic State (also known as ISIS). The Republican presidential nominee regularly makes belligerent statements such as “I would bomb the shit out of . . . those suckers” and “We have to knock the hell out of them.” He has said that he would send up to 30,000 more U.S. troops to fight ISIS and refuses to rule out the possibility of using nuclear weapons against the group. One might expect ISIS to view his candidacy with apprehension. However, interviews with ISIS supporters and recent defectors suggest just the opposite: jihadists are rooting for a Trump presidency because they believe that he will lead the United States on a path to self-destruction. Last week, an ISIS spokesman wrote on the ISIS-affiliated Telegram channel, Nashir, “I ask Allah to deliver America to Trump.” Meanwhile, an ISIS supporter posted on one of the numerous jihadist “channels” hosted by the Telegram messaging application, “The ‘facilitation’ of Trump’s arrival in the White House must be a priority for jihadists at any cost!!!”

So Donald are you going to say something nice about these guys? Or are you going to treat them like mosquitoes?

[font size="8"]Paul LePage[/font]

So last week we talked about Paul LePage – the original “People Who Somehow Got Elected” – how he called a guy a “cocksucker” on a voicemail message, and the subsequent forced PR authored apology that followed. Well, as you can imagine this hasn’t ended well and we haven’t heard the last of it. So here’s what has happened in the wake of the disaster that could have seen the governor step down from office. Oh wait – he’s not doing that!

Facing pressure to resign after comments many called racist and a profanity-laced voicemail left for Democratic Rep. Drew Gattine, Maine Gov. Paul LePage told reporters today he will not be resigning and will be seeking spiritual guidance.

“We always have been a family of faith and we recognize that the grace and guidance from God can make us stronger in life,” LePage said in a statement following a meeting with Gattine.

LePage and Gattine met for less than 10 minutes this morning at the governor's office, in an attempt for the governor to make amends.

Yeah get that weak stuff outta here! No apologizing from one of the most batshit crazy people who’s ever been a governor of a state. And this guy got elected! He is serving office! And in case you were wondering if he was done with the racist bullshit, he isn’t! In fact he doubled down and went after Donald Trump’s favorite punching bag – Khzir Khan:

AUGUSTA — Gov. Paul LePage says the father of a deceased Muslim captain in the U.S. Army is a "con artist" for criticizing Donald Trump.

LePage, a Republican, made the comments on Wednesday during an appearance on a program hosted by Boston radio host Howie Carr.

LePage's comments referenced Khizr Khan, whose son died while protecting other soldiers in Iraq. Khan made an appearance at the Democratic National Convention in which he was critical of Trump, the Republican nominee.

LePage, in his second term as governor, is a supporter of Trump. His daughter Lauren LePage has been hired by Trump and vice presidential candidate Mike Pence to work as the state's coalitions director.

Read more: http://www.sunjournal.com/news/0001/11/30/gov-paul-lepage-calls-khizr-khan-con-artist-radio/1982556

But wait – there is more to this insanity in case you were wondering:

Drew Gattine’s career in politics started with a voice mail.

It was the early 2000s, and the voice on the answering machine was Westbrook City Council President Brendan Rielly.

Gattine and his wife, Elizabeth, had appeared before the City Council to voice their concern about a zoning issue, and the young couple’s respectful and constructive manner had impressed Rielly.

“I said, ‘Look, I’m calling for both of you. Would either one of you want to run for council?’ ” Rielly recalled.


That’s right! It boosted the career of the guy who LePage called a “cocksucker” in the first place. But in case you were wondering – Gattine is the guy who challenged LePage to prove he’s not racist. LePage isn’t racist – he’s just an equal opportunity offender!

Gov. Paul LePage left a state lawmaker from Westbrook an expletive-laden phone message Thursday in which he accused the legislator of calling him a racist, encouraged him to make the message public and said, “I’m after you.”

LePage sent the message Thursday morning after a television reporter appeared to suggest that Democratic Rep. Drew Gattine was among several people who had called the governor a racist, which Gattine later denied. The exchange followed remarks the governor made in North Berwick on Wednesday night about the racial makeup of suspects arrested on drug trafficking charges in Maine.

“Mr. Gattine, this is Gov. Paul Richard LePage,” a recording of the governor’s phone message says. “I would like to talk to you about your comments about my being a racist, you (expletive). I want to talk to you. I want you to prove that I’m a racist. I’ve spent my life helping black people and you little son-of-a-bitch, socialist (expletive). You … I need you to, just friggin. I want you to record this and make it public because I am after you. Thank you.”

So let’s fact check Mr. LePage to see if he’s right or wrong on everything he’s saying about race and drug trafficking, shall we?

No law enforcement statistics even come close to backing up Republican Gov. Paul LePage's assertion that blacks and Hispanics account for "90-plus percent" of heroin-trafficking arrests in Maine.

LePage, who previously told the Portland NAACP chapter to "kiss my butt" and blamed out-of-state drug dealers for impregnating "young white" girls, sparked another racial uproar when he said Aug. 24 that data he'd collected indicates out-of-state black and Hispanics accounted for "90-plus percent" of heroin-trafficking arrests in Maine.

FBI data contradict his assertion, and a criminologist called the governor's data "laughable." Meanwhile, members of the African-American community in Maine, the whitest state, fear his comments strengthen racial stereotypes and tacitly approve of racial profiling.

"I think this fear-mongering, and these us-against-them kind of statements, do not advance the community conversation, do not address the real issue of drug abuse," said the Rev. Kenneth I. Lewis Jr., pastor at the Green Memorial A.M.E. Church, Maine's oldest African-American congregation, in Portland.


And you know folks – the GOP has a weird obsession with war. They love war, they can’t get enough of it. LePage loves to talk about war and make it look like he’s fighting in a war. But he really isn’t, he’s no more of a warrior than you or I am, and judging by his, um, physique, I am guessing that he’s not ready for battle any time soon.

Gov. Paul LePage used the familiar metaphor of war Friday to describe Maine’s efforts to curb drug addiction, but he once again framed the battle in racial terms and effectively endorsed racial profiling of suspected drug dealers.

Also Friday, leading state Democrats called on the governor to resign or seek professional help, a day after he left a profanity-laced message on the phone of a Westbrook legislator.

In a State House press conference, the governor restated previous comments about the numbers of black and Hispanic drug dealers who are bringing heroin into Maine and likened them to the enemy in a war.

“Look, the bad guy is the bad guy, I don’t care what color he is,” LePage said. “When you go to war, if you know the enemy and the enemy dresses in red and you dress in blue, then you shoot at red.”

Love that bit.

[font size="8"]Jeremy Lucas[/font]

So this is the story I promised last week that we would report on this week. For this story we go to Northern California. You know thanks to America’s insane gun culture, where it’s easier to buy an assault rifle than it is to buy a smartphone, one reverend in Stockton, California attempted to do what he thought was a good deed by buying up as many raffle tickets as he could in order to rig a contest designed to give away an AK47, and the Pastor had destroyed it purposefully, which ignited the internet outrage machine, and the Rev. got death threats on social media of course. Because… death threats. Here’s the story as it was originally reported:

The Rev. Jeremy Lucas had just returned to Oregon from a family vacation back home to Alabama — the Deep South state where he was first introduced to guns and where, as a kid, he learned to shoot a rifle — when he pulled out his phone and started scrolling.

It had been just days since the deadly mass shooting in Dallas that left five police officers dead and seven wounded. They were targeted by a black man with three guns, including an assault rifle, while working a Black Lives Matter protest. That same week, two black men, Philando Castile and Alton Sterling, were shot and killed by police, the incidents captured on video and circulated worldwide. Only one month earlier, 49 people were killed in the country’s deadliest mass shooting, at an Orlando gay nightclub.

It starts out innocently enough right? Well here’s what happened next.

Previously, we brought you a story about a caring priest in California who decided to buy out a large number of raffle tickets in order to win an AR-15 rifle, but rather than using it for sport or protection (or murder), the priest planned to destroy the gun and use it as an art piece in order to raise awareness about gun violence in America.

The raffle was a part of a girls’ softball team fundraising event, attempting to raise money for a trip to the regional playoffs. First, the priest tried to front the entire cost of the trip so the team would cancel the raffle, but he was told they wouldn’t because they had already sold the tickets. As a result, Rev. Lucas used $3,000 of his church’s cash to buy raffle tickets and ensure his victory.

Considering that if he won, the gun was his property to do with as he pleased, it is disturbing to bring you the follow-up to this story, which is that the priest began receiving threats of violence once his story got out in his town.

Yeah death threats. Stay classy, social media. Well while we here at the Top 10 don’t condone or encourage anyone to leave a death threat for anyone – whether or not you don’t agree with someone. But this where you need to dig a little deeper in the headlines because this pastor while he had intended to do a good deed, didn’t complete the deed.

The Reverend told The Washington Post that he and his wife then brought the rifle to the home of a parishioner who would keep the rifle in his safe until they could have it destroyed. And that’s where police are now looking into a crime.

By not performing a background check when leaving the rifle with his congregation member, Lucas violated the very gun control laws he claims are too lax in the nation. His local police department has turned the case over to the Oregon State Police and they are currently deciding whether to file charges.

[font size="8"]The Bathroom Police[/font]

So the bathroom police are back people. And there’s some good stuff and some bad stuff to tell you about. First let’s get the bad stuff out of the way before we get into a story that I have been literally waiting all week to post here. But first some bad – a transgender male in Georgia was denied a name change request:

An LGBT rights group is asking an appeals court to step in after a Georgia judge declined a legal name change for a second transgender man.

Lambda Legal says it filed an appeal Thursday of a June order by Columbia County Superior Court Judge J. David Roper rejecting a petition from the 21-year-old transgender man seeking to legally change his name to Andrew Baumert.

Lambda Legal in June appealed a similar March ruling from Roper in the case of another transgender man, Rowan Feldhaus, whose birth name was Rebeccah Elizabeth Feldhaus.

Lambda Legal says in both cases Roper said he would allow a transgender person to choose a gender-neutral name. But he said allowing a transgender man to choose a male name would "confuse or mislead the general public."

You know if this judge is denying this man’s name change because of the judge’s supposed “Christian values” are getting in the way of him doing his job, then shouldn’t he be removed from the bench?

And there’s absolutely nothing funny about the next story but I feel I must make this horrifying crime known:

Just after midnight, Hadway, a “drag king” known as “Parker Perry,” was loading up her gear after a benefit show at the Fourth Avenue Tavern. After a transgendered friend was heckled and Hadway’s own wife, Angela, was threatened, Hadway stepped in.

Hadway recalled saying, “I was like ‘hey can we just leave this alone?’"

She then told a man approaching her that she was a woman dressed like a man.

Holy fucking shit!

And then a Harlem reverend known for being violently anti-LGBT is planning on a rainbow flag burning ceremony:

HARLEM, NY. - Reverend James Manning of the ATLAH World Missionary Church in New York is using an old form of protest to "celebrate" yet another delay in the ongoing battle to keep his conservative and anti-LGBT church from closing.

The marquee outside the historic church invites the public to come witness the desecration-by-burning of the “rainbow fag flag," on a date yet to be announced.

This is in celebration to a recent decision by the New York courts to postpone a bankruptcy auction.

Yes this is the same Rev. Manning who is a close personal friend of Alex Jones. Who has been a vocal supporter of possible future president Donald J. Trump.

And we must, must make mention of how just plain fucking evil Subway’s Jared Fogle is – who is resorting to the classic technique of victim blaming:

Former Subway spokesman Jared Fogle is planning to sue the parents of one of the young girls he was convicted of abusing.

Fogle, 39, is claiming that the parents of one of his victims are partly responsible for her abuse, according to a report in TMZ.

He now thinks the family should accept partial responsibility.

The suit, which names the victim as Jane Doe, says her parents fought often and abused alcohol in front of her. This subsequently led her to engage in “destructive behavior”, including self-harm and drug abuse, and ultimately resulted in her being abused.

Yeah blame the victims for your own horrifying crimes. Way to go Jared! Bravo, well done!

Yeah that will be Jared in 50 years.

And in case you were wondering how crazy and insane the Bathroom Police are, check out this story of a California mom posting about getting confronted by a douchebag because her son was wearing a tutu in public:

A mother’s post about her son’s right to wear a tutu has gone viral.

Jen Anderson Shattuck posted a photo on Facebook of her 3-year-old son wearing a tutu after a man accosted her when they were on their way to a park on Tuesday, Aug. 23.

Shattuck wrote that her son, Roo, loves trucks and jigsaw puzzles but also likes wearing tutus. He’s worn tutus to the grocery store, on the train and in the sandbox.

For that douchebag:

But some good news in the war on bathrooms – I don’t want you guys and gals to think this show is just about negativity, no good sir / madam! I love this story and I have been waiting literally all week to post it, so here it goes. So Governor Pat McCrory, the original idiot who jumpstarted the bathroom police, apparently has a problem that he has refused to disclose until now. This is after he posts a new campaign ad in which he attacks trans people:

North Carolina Governor Pat McCrory is once again attacking transgender people to further his political career.

On Wednesday, McCrory, who is currently up for reelection, put out an ad defending his support for HB 2, the discriminatory anti-LGBT ‘bathroom bill’ that banned all local civil rights ordinances in the Tar Heel state.

The ad called “Common Sense” opens with a title card that reads, “The truth about privacy.”

And here’s the ad if you can stomach it:

You know Pat, don’t fucking deny a group of people their basic right to use the bathroom they need to use, OK? How’s that for common sense!!!

But here’s the story I love:


A spokesman for North Carolina Gov. Pat McCrory said the governor would not release his birth certificate in response to a report that said his gender was left blank on his birth certificate when he was born nearly sixty years ago.

“The governor’s birth certificate is a private and not a political matter,” I.M. Flack, McCrory’s press secretary, said Monday.

McCrory also refused to answer questions about his birth certificate as he campaigned for re-election. Nevertheless, he continued to defend the state’s HB2 law that requires transgender people to use bathrooms responding to the gender on their birth certificate and not the gender they identify with.

And remember for every time the fundies feel the need to harass innocent trans people like what I reported about earlier I said I would post a sex crime committed by them? Well they left me with no shortage of material:
A Georgia pastor and and conservative political activist was arrested Friday morning on charges of child molestation and aggravated child molestation. Ken Adkins, 56, of St. Simons Island turned himself into police at about 9 a.m., according to officials with Georgia Bureau of Investigation. GBI was requested on Aug. 12 to assist officials with the accusations against Adkins. Adkins is currently in the Glynn County Jail. The investigation is ongoing. Adkins has one church with locations in Brunswick, Jacksonville and Atlanta, according to his website. Adkins recently came under fire when he tweeted “homosexuals got what they deserved” after the deadly mass shooting at Pulse Nightclub. His Twitter account has been set to private..

And here's one where a priest sexually assaulted a 16 year old girl, the family pressed charges, and the church stood by the motherfucker!!! Seriously, fuck these people! And I would like to tell them where they can shove their morals and values after reading this story. And they seriously want to judge us about what they think is moral and what isn't? These are the people going into Target bathrooms with AK47s because a sex crime might take place? And then an actual sex crime takes place and they literally look the other way!! I just can't... I don't... what the fuck!!!


Columbia Road Baptist Church in North Olmsted actually banned a teenage girl and her family from attending services until she apologizes to the wife of the man who sexually abused her.

Youth pastor Brian Mitchell had a wife and three kids, but that didn’t stop him from targeting a 16-year-old girl who was simply seeking spiritual guidance at the church....

What’s also delusional is that the Columbia Road Baptist Church actually thinks the teenage girl their employee raped somehow owes Mitchell’s wife an apology.

During testimony, the girl’s mother revealed that the church basically blamed her daughter for the whole situation and told them not to come back to the church until an apology has been made. Rather than comply with the ridiculous demand, the family just stopped attending church altogether.

[font size="8"]9/11 Marketing Fails[/font]

Well it’s 9/11. Or 7/11 as Donald Trump called it. But since today is 9/11, you know there are going to be some extremely tacky memorials dedicated to the 9/11/01 tragedy. And while we won’t make fun of it here, we will show this - none so far will be able to top this display from a Wal-Mart in where else……… Florida. Can we show that?

As if there was any doubt, trying to profit off of the worst terrorist attack in American history is not a good idea. The latest example comes to us from Walmart, with a 9/11 display that gets everything wrong.

One of the megastore’s outlets in Florida somehow thought it would be a good idea to set up a Coke display using two columns of Coke Zero boxes to represent the Twin Towers. In the background are red, white and blue boxes of other Coke products (Coke, Diet Coke and Dasani bottled water) meant to look like the American flag. Above all of this is a sign that reads “We Will Never Forget.” With a photo showing the skyline over New York City.

“We stopped and stared at it like, oh my god,” Richard Shawn, a Walmart customer who took picture, told BuzzFeed. “Nobody seemed to be noticing it, it wasn’t very crowded, and I got the feeling that it had just been assembled. So we took some pics and went on our way.”

And for even more extremely poor taste when it comes to 9/11 we go to Texas for this one. Ever hear of a mattress store called "Miracle Mattress"? Well you won't anymore because they held a 9/11 sale that sparked a social media outrage furor.

It’s been 15 years since the September 11, 2001 attacks, but a commercial from a San Antonio mattress store may prove it’s still “too soon.” As part of its “Twin Towers sale,” Miracle Mattress offered to sell any sized mattress for the price of a twin.

A commercial showing Miracle Mattress manager Cherise Bonanno standing in front of two other employees in front of stacks of mattresses relies heavily on Twin Tower references. This marketing tactic blew up in the face of the store and forced them to issue an apology.

And here is the commercial in question if you have the stomach for it:

Cue the forced PR apology in 3... 2... 1....

“To all of those who have seen our 9/11 sale. We are very sorry we have offended you,” Miracle Mattress wrote in a Facebook apology. “Our intentions were not to hurt anyone at all. Our staff is full of military and some relatives have passed away due to 9/11.”

“We are promoters of peace and love. We have given abundantly to our community here in San Antonio and wish to remain known as a company who respects and loves others. We hope you find it in your hearts to forgive us. Please accept our apology.”

And in case you were wondering, they closed:

A Texas mattress store that came under fire for mocking the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, has been shut down, the company's owner announced in a letter posted to Facebook on Friday, September 9. Overwhelmed by the backlash he received, Miracle Mattress owner Mike Bonanno made the decision to shutter the San Antonio establishment only one day after the public got hold of a commercial advertising the store's "Twin Towers Sale."

[font size="8"]Creepy Clowns Of Greensboro[/font]

I hope none of my Top 10 audience suffers from coulrophobia because we are going to talk about creepy clowns for this entry. But before we do, we need some appropriate music for this entry. Can we get that please?

No. How about:

Still no. I got it!

*Jack Black voice* Better. Closer. Warmer.

Perfect!!! So for this story we go to Greensboro, South Carolina. There, an apartment complex on the outskirts of town near the woods. Seriously, creepy clowns literally coming out of the woods. This is a horror movie waiting to happen. Where’s that crime fighting duo from The Conjuring? Can we get them down to Greensboro to investigate please? So here’s the news as it was originally reported:

GREENSBORO, N.C. -- Police are warning against copycat behavior after a clown sighting was reported near a wooded area in Greensboro.

Greensboro Police Department says someone called 911 after seeing a clown near the woods by The Park at Old Oak Ridge Road apartment complex around 10 a.m.

Police say the caller reported a person wearing a scary clown mask, a red curly wig, a yellow dotted shirt, blue clown pants, and clown shoes. Police say another man chased after the clown with a machete, and the clown ran back into the woods and out of sight.

Officers searched the area but didn't find the clown. Police say they encourage people to report suspicious behavior, but say you shouldn't confront someone who may be acting in an unusual manner.

So with that in mind I’ve seen way too many horror movies to know that the police saying to warn against copycat behavior is immediately suspect. And of course my suspicions are confirmed to the point where a second sighting happened. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

GREENSBORO — A student walking to Andrews High on McGuinn Drive is the latest person to report seeing a clown in the Triad.

The increasing number of inexplicable clown sightings, which first started in Greenville, S.C., late last month, drew the interest of NBC’s “Today” show. The show plans to air a segment about the sightings this morning.

Wednesday’s sighting in High Point happened between 8 and 9 a.m. as the 17-year-old girl walked to school, said Capt. Mark Lane of the High Point Police Department.

Still scared? There was a third sighting! Holy shit! Where are these clowns coming from? And they are literally coming out of the wood work people! Where’s my horror movie fans at?

GUILFORD COUNTY, N.C. -- Greensboro Police on Tuesday morning received a call about another clown sighting in the Piedmont Triad.

The sighting occurred at The Park at Oakridge apartments off Old Oak Ridge Road not far from Interstate 73. A man said he saw a clown near the wooded area behind the complex at about 10 a.m.

Chris Bass told FOX8 he lives at the complex with his wife and two children. He was on his balcony when he spotted a man in a white mask, red curly hair, yellow dotted shirt, blue clown pants and clown shoes in the wooded area. Bass tried to chase the clown but could not catch him. He called his actions his "fatherly instinct."

And in fact three more sightings have happened, and this is leaving the local police in Greensboro baffled. In fact three more sightings have happened since the first last week:

GUILFORD COUNTY, N.C. - Three more creepy clown sightings have been reported in the Piedmont Triad region of North Carolina.

The first occurred in Forsyth County around 11 p.m. on Monday. A woman reported a clown wielding a machete tried to lure her into the woods near Phelps Drive and Morrell Road near Walkertown, according to Forsyth County Chief Deputy Brad Stanley.

The woman said the male clown had red bushy hair and a red nose, and was wearing black gloves, a black tie and white shoes, Stanley said.

The second sighting happened in High Point, where a student reported seeing a man dressed as a clown on the High Point Greenway near Andrews High School Tuesday morning, High Point police Capt. Mike Kirk confirmed to the High Point Enterprise.

Where is this going? Maybe this is like that castle scene in Hot Fuzz – eventually we’ll find out that this is all connected somehow, and the truth may be scarier than what was originally led on!

But there's still more - a guy got arrested for reporting a false creepy clown sighting:

A North Carolina man who told police someone dressed as a clown had knocked on his window at night landed in jail on Friday after admitting he fabricated the story, the latest twist in a string of such reported sightings in recent weeks.

David Wayne Armstrong, 24, described to Winston-Salem police how he had chased the clown into nearby woods, but authorities said in a statement he had lied. He was arrested on a charge of filing a false police report.

And even Stephen King - the master of horror - the guy who wrote The Shining, thinks this is creepy - and that's saying something!

(Reuters) - A spate of creepy clown sightings in South Carolina has perplexed police and worried parents, but their frightening appearance was no surprise to best-selling U.S. horror author Stephen King.

King, whose 1986 novel “It” tells the story of a supernatural being that appears as a clown to terrorize the residents of a small Maine town, told the Bangor Daily News that fear of clowns touches a nerve with children and adults alike.

“Kids love clowns, but they also fear them; clowns with their white faces and red lips are so different and so grotesque compared to ‘normal’ people,” the newspaper quoted King as saying in an article posted on Friday. “The clown furor will pass, as these things do, but it will come back, because under the right circumstances, clowns really can be terrifying.”

Since this story is still ongoing we don’t really have an end for this but we will keep you posted as to what happens next. But we will leave you where things take an extremely dark turn. One guy actually did see a creepy clown come out of the woods and proceeded to chase the clown down with a machete. Because… murder. This seriously has all the makings of a real life horror movie, folks!

Chris Bass said he called 911, grabbed a weapon and chased the clown into the woods.

"I know all the kids in here and it’s just, that's why I took it so serious, because I know all the kids here," Bass said.

Greensboro police said a witness reported seeing a person wearing a clown mask, red curly wig, yellow spotted shirt, blue clown pants and clown shoes.

Officers also searched the area for the clown but to no avail.

I take it the guy who grabbed the machete definitely isn’t down with the clown.

[font size="8"]And Now This Also:[/font]
[font size="8"]Ben Carson Forgets His Luggage[/font]

Before we go this week, I really have to play this bonus video. You really can’t make this shit up folks:

See you next week!

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