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Initech's Journal
Initech's Journal
January 31, 2018

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-4: State Of The Uniom Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-4: State Of The Uniom Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Switch to the Top 10 today and save $620 a year on your car insurance! We are back everybody! You know let’s start on a positive note. I don’t want you to think this show is about negativity. I want to make you some money – yes, I’m not just in it for the money, but I’m also in it to make you money. So let’s talk about some gambling. Specifically the Big Game is this weekend – Super Bowl 52! And think of it like the 1% vs the 99% - and the 1% are the New England Patriots of course. If you’ve been following the Top 10 you should know we’re not exactly on board the Brady train. But one of my favorite aspects of the Super Bowl is all the crazy bets you can place. And this year there are some particularly interesting entries in the world of gambling. For instance you can bet on whether or not Pink will be going airborne during her national anthem performance. You can also bet on how Justin Timberlake will start his halftime show – and the current odds on favorite is zipline! There’s another bet on which song Timberlake will start with, or whether there will be an N*SYNC reunion! And yes of course there’s the inevitable discussion on whether or not a wardrobe malfunction will occur. You can also bet on whether or not Trump will tweet about the game as it’s going on. Low ratings! Everybody must stand for the national anthem! Sad! There’s also an over / under on how many times Gisele Bundchen will be shown. Current favorite is 1.5 times, with “over” as the favorite. You can even bet on what color of Gatorade will be dumped on the winning coach after it’s all said and done. There’s even a bet on whether or not Donovan McNabb’s infamous vomiting incident from the last time the Patriots and Eagles faced in the Super Bowl will be, um, brought up. But none of these prop bets really matter. My favorite one of all? You can actually bet on whether or not Tom Brady’s jersey will be stolen! Yes that’s right! So come on people of Minneapolis? Who’s brave enough to do this? Let’s get some Mission Impossible shit going here! OK enough of the intro. But first, Will Ferrell is back on Saturday Night Live and breaking out his awesome George W Bush impression:

Disclaimer: We are *NOT* going to cover the Larry Nasser story. Just like the Perris story, this is way too horrifying to make fun of, and we agree with the judge 100% on this. Making fun of this story would be beneath us, and we won’t go there. Now on with the show!

So we are going all in on “The Memo” this week, folks! Taking the number one slot this week of course is King Deplorable, Sean Hannity (1). Whew. Sean, keep doing what you're doing. He had quite the week this week. So while the rest of network TV was focused on Trump, Sean Hannity diverted the Fox News Nation’s attention to a car chase in Arizona where a white supremacist and sovereign citizen made the news. Yeah and this guy is a real gem too. In the second slot is the surveillance industry’s favorite Congressman Devin Nunes. And we have to tell the story of the memo, and it is pretty fucking spectacular because it so far has failed miserably and only stirred up the crazies. Speaking of stirring up the crazies, Alex Jones (3) takes the third spot. And he attempted to release his own memo, but it turns out that the one he released was already released. In the fourth slot is Donald Trump (4) and we’re going to recap his 2nd state of the union address, and it is going to be a spectacular fail. In the 5th slot is also Donald Trump and we’re going to tell you about how the Doomsday Clock has reached 2 minutes to midnight (cue Iron Maiden) and then tell you about how we got to this point. At number 6 is our favorite weekly sermon of all things holy, Holy Shit (6). And this time the religious right is making excuses for Trump’s behavior. And I think God is about to hear some real whoppers being told. Taking the seventh slot is the White Male Groper’s Club (7) and they’ve added a few new members – most notably billionaire casino mogul Steve Wynn. At number 8, we’re going to talk sports and specifically the launch of the new football league the XFL (8) by WWE’s Vince McMahon, and this new league is going to appeal to Fox News fans. We’ll explain more. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week we’ve got a new installment of “I Need A Drink” and we’ve actually got some booze related news. We’re going to introduce you to New York City bar owner Trigger Smith, who banned the use of the word literally. Finally this week we’re continuing the Shithole Edition of our World Tour 2018 and we’re going to the West African coastal nation of Ghana! Is it as fucked up as Trump says it is? Well there’s only one way to find out! Plus we’ve got some live music for you from Pittsburgh's premiere pop punk band Anti Flag. They have a great new album out called "American Fall". Buy it or get out of my audience! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Sean Hannity
[br] [/font]

King Deplorable Sean Hannity has been quite prolific this week. First he claimed that California representative and tin foil hat model Devin Nunes has a “memo” that could bring down and jail members of the democratic party. But first I have to post this story which I saw on Monday and I laughed my ass off. So it turns out that Wikileaks founder and republican treason weasel Julian Assange attempted to contact Sean Hannity on Twitter IM to offer some dirt on the Russia investigation… and wound up IM’ing the wrong Sean Hannity!

At about 4 a.m. on Saturday morning, a couple hours after she started pretending to be Sean Hannity, Dell Gilliam says she got a direct message back from the head of Wikileaks, Julian Assange. That’s when she said she “kind of panicked.”

“I felt bad. He really thought he was talking to Sean Hannity,” said Gilliam.

Gilliam, a technical writer from Texas, was bored with the flu when she created @SeanHannity__ early Saturday morning. The Fox News real account was temporarily deleted after cryptically tweeting the phrase “Form Submission 1649 | #Hannity” on Friday night. Twitter said the account had been “briefly compromised,” according to a statement provided to The Daily Beast, and was back up on Sunday morning.

When Gilliam made the account, she did not expect to be setting up a meeting over “other channels” for Assange to send “some news about Warner,” an apparent reference to Sen. Mark Warner, the top Democrat on the Senate intelligence committee investigating Russian interference in the 2016 election.

More and worth the read: https://www.thedailybeast.com/julian-assange-thought-he-was-messaging-sean-hannity-when-he-offered-news-on-democrat-investigating-trump-russia?ref=home

Thank you Sound Effects Guy! So when you’re Sean Hannity and you make such a grandiose claim about jailing members of the other side, what do you do?

Sean Hannity has suggested there are powerful people at the FBI and Department of Justice (DOJ) who should be investigated and “probably” thrown in jail over alleged corruption.

The Fox News host delivered a bombastic rant that slammed the probe into Hillary Clinton’s emails, as well as the much-discussed memo that reportedly details abuse and misuse of government authority under the Foreign Intelligence Service Act (FISA).

In a monologue that saw Hannity link events back to when “Hillary Clinton rigged the primary,” the host said the rule of law had been ignored and said Bernie Sanders supporters “should be pissed.”

“They ignore the rule of law, the Constitution, and Clinton and the DNC that she control then spend over $12 million to influence the election with a bought-and-paid-for dossier full of Russian lies and propaganda that was shipped off to the compliant media,” he said.

“The Obama administration weaponize the powerful tools of intelligence that we need to keep our country safe, but in this case, they used it to target members of the Trump campaign. This, so you understand, is so much bigger than Watergate,” he continued.


Seriously even Penn is telling you to shut the fuck up! And when he tells you to shut the fuck up, he means it! So apparently if you watch Fox News – and if you’re watching my crappy little program I’m guessing you don’t – you should know that Sean Hannity’s name frequently turns up in the most retweeted stories by Russian owned bot accounts:

Soon after Donald Trump’s former national security adviser Michael Flynn agreed to a plea deal with special counsel Robert Mueller on Dec. 1, Kremlin-linked trolls began ramping up their social-media attacks on the Russia investigation. They tweeted out dozens of articles from Fox News and far-right outlets aimed at undermining the credibility of the FBI, the Department of Justice, and the so-called deep state. And Vladimir Putin’s trolls would soon have a new vein of material to exploit.

As Christmas approached, a drumbeat against the FBI grew louder in certain quarters of Congress: GOP Rep. Jim Jordan led the attack, claiming on Fox News that the FBI had conspired against Trump’s 2016 campaign. President Trump himself launched broadsides against FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe and “leakin’ James Comey.” And on December 20, Fox News star Sean Hannity tweeted “CONSPIRACY: GOP Lawmakers Says FEDERAL CONSPIRACY to Prevent Trump Presidency.”

That day, Hannity’s website ranked among the top 10 shared by the network of Twitter accounts linked to Russian influence campaigns and tracked by the nonpartisan Alliance for Securing Democracy on its national security project, the Hamilton 68 dashboard. Hannity content had not registered much previously—but since December 20, links from Hannity’s site have appeared frequently on the dashboard, often ranking among the top 10. “It’s now up there with other top most-shared domains,” says Bret Schafer, an analyst who monitors the dashboard for the Alliance.


I love that graphic! And of course the deplorable crowd is going to claim that the Mueller investigation is a Deep State Conspiracy. By the way I’m going to start a new band called Deep State Conspiracy tomorrow!

In recent months it has been widely reported that U.S. President Donald Trump is under investigation for colluding with Russia to influence the outcome of the 2016 presidential election. Special counsel Robert Mueller is reportedly also looking into allegations that President Trump is guilty of obstruction of justice when he fired former FBI Director James Comey. As anyone who follows Trump’s Twitter feed is well aware, the president claims that the Mueller investigation amounts to nothing more than a politically inspired “witch hunt.” President Trump claims that any suggestion that he conspired with the Russians is “fake news.”

Throughout Trump’s election campaign, and in the period since his inauguration, the president has frequently tweeted his praise for right-leaning outlet Fox News while condemning any story critical of him as “fake news.” As recently reported by BBC News, during his first year in office, President Trump posted 1,238 critical messages, 196 of those messages were critical of the mainstream media. During the same period, Trump posted just 527 messages of praise. Of those messages, 79 praised the military or veterans, while 35 praised Fox News or its presenters.

Yeah really, Hannity, STFU. I mean really with enemies like these, who needs friends? They’re seriously treading into stalker territory here. I mean what would happen if they really did jail the opposition? Are they really willing to go there? But this might be my favorite Hannity news ever. So of course he is caught up in the Russia probe – and he might be next on Mueller’s list!

Soon after Donald Trump’s former national security adviser Michael Flynn agreed to a plea deal with special counsel Robert Mueller on Dec. 1, Kremlin-linked trolls began ramping up their social-media attacks on the Russia investigation. They tweeted out dozens of articles from Fox News and far-right outlets aimed at undermining the credibility of the FBI, the Department of Justice, and the so-called deep state. And Vladimir Putin’s trolls would soon have a new vein of material to exploit.
As Christmas approached, a drumbeat against the FBI grew louder in certain quarters of Congress: GOP Rep. Jim Jordan led the attack, claiming on Fox News that the FBI had conspired against Trump’s 2016 campaign. President Trump himself launched broadsides against FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe and “leakin’ James Comey.” And on December 20, Fox News star Sean Hannity tweeted “CONSPIRACY: GOP Lawmakers Says FEDERAL CONSPIRACY to Prevent Trump Presidency.”
That day, Hannity’s website ranked among the top 10 shared by the network of Twitter accounts linked to Russian influence campaigns and tracked by the nonpartisan Alliance for Securing Democracy on its national security project, the Hamilton 68 dashboard. Hannity content had not registered much previously—but since December 20, links from Hannity’s site have appeared frequently on the dashboard, often ranking among the top 10. “It’s now up there with other top most-shared domains,” says Bret Schafer, an analyst who monitors the dashboard for the Alliance.

So when you’re faced with this news, the typical Fox News protocol is to yell “SQUIRREL!!!” and immediately change the subject. Yes, Fox News is the “Squirrel!” network. While the other networks do things like facts and research, Fox News will find anything else to talk about. So they went to a car chase in Arizona. That’s right – they divert, you do… something that rhymes with “divert”.

Don’t get too eager to see a format change, however. After sheepishly coming forth with Henry’s confirmation, Hannity didn’t appear too interested in prolonging his correction. Instead, he went to another pressing story: “We have a shocking video of the day to bring you, by the way. This footage comes to us from Arizona where — you see that red SUV, high-speed police chase? Ultimately the suspect’s vehicle slams into another car, flips several times before coming to a stop. The driver eventually comes out of the car — the wrecked vehicle — but instead of running, he stands around until police arrive and then promptly arrested him,” said Hannity.

Yeah so in typical Fox News fashion they did the thing where they yell SQUIRREL!!! But what they weren’t prepared for was the gem of a citizen they accidentally unearthed. And let’s shed a bit more light on this individual.

A 31-year-old man suspected of leading officers on a police chase that crisscrossed Phoenix-area freeways and ended in a head-on crash Wednesday morning has "anti-government views," officials said Wednesday.

Troopers with the Arizona Department of Public Safety took Mitchell Timothy Taebel into custody following the crash that sent one woman to the hospital with non-life-threatening injuries near the Arizona State University Tempe campus, officials said.

A statement released later in the day by DPS said that the agency was "aware that Mr. Taebel has anti-government views."

Taebel's personal website states that the U.S. Department of Justice is "unconstitutional" and links to an Indiana court record from earlier this month showing that Taebel sued the government for prohibiting marijuana use.

The document deemed marijuana prohibition unconstitutional.

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[font size="8"]Devin Nunes
[br] [/font]

So the chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, and guy whose Windows logon password is most likely “password”, Devin Nunes (R-Nutjob) has also been extremely prolific this week. The story goes that he authored a memo. Yes, a memo that he and Russian bots everywhere claim could bring down the entire democratic party. These people are fucking nuts if they think they can get away with this and not have it be considered an act of war. Because it very well could be an act of war!

Republican lawmakers have said texts that the Justice Department gave to Congress last week, supplementing another set that lawmakers received last year, show pervasive political bias against Mr. Trump. Republicans also portrayed phrases in the texts, including a reference to a “secret society” in the F.B.I., as hints of a conspiracy to sabotage him.

“The texts between Strzok and Page referenced a ‘secret society,’” Representative John Ratcliffe, Republican of Texas, wrote on Twitter, adding: “It’s clear from the thousands of texts we reviewed that Strzok and Page held a manifest bias against @realDonaldTrump in favor of Hillary Clinton and showed an intent to act upon that bias.”

Other people familiar with the texts agreed that they showed the two officials expressing many negative opinions about Mr. Trump and his team — like declaring “what a disaster” after learning that Jeff Sessions would be the attorney general.

Yes… WTF lol. You claim to have evidence to a “secret society” that calls itself a “secret society”? Really, Devin? You don’t make your internet password as “password”, do you? We should just call this Memogate. Or how I learned to stop worrying and love Russia. Even Fox News is pissed off at this, and you don’t want to piss them off!

Fox News host Shepard Smith slammed Republican Rep. Devin Nunes on Thursday for pushing the narrative that the FBI and the Department of Justice are biased against President Donald Trump.

Nunes, the chair of the House Intelligence Committee, helped write a controversial memo that purports to detail illegal surveillance by the Obama administration during the transition period after Trump's 2016 election. Some Republicans are pushing the Trump administration to allow Nunes' committee to publicly release the document.

"A memo can be a weapon of partisan mass distraction," Smith said on his daytime news program, 'Shepard Smith Reporting.' "Especially at a pivotal moment in American history when it behooves the man in charge for supporters to believe the institutions can’t be trusted, investigators are corrupt, and the news media are liars. Context matters."

Yeah when Fox News and republicans fight, you can watch on the sidelines but don’t get too comfortable! And I love how they’re just being out in the open about this. Yeah we’re going after a Secret Society that calls itself Secret Society. Hey guys, you ever get the impression that the phrase “secret society” implies that they might, I don’t know, work in secret? I’m just guessing!

Attacks by Donald Trump on US intelligence agencies were taken up and amplified by the US right at full volume this week, as special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation moves closer to the president.

The targets of the rightwing ruckus were the Federal Bureau of Investigation, Mueller, and anyone else involved in assessing Russia’s assault on US election systems, which intelligence agencies say constitute an ongoing emergency but which Trump has dismissed as exaggerated.

Trump said on Thursday that he was “looking forward” to being interviewed by Mueller about Russia and that the interview could take place within the next “two or three weeks”.

Yeah wait a minute, don’t think we’re letting you get away with this one, smart guy! You know Trump interviewing Mueller is going to be the Tom Brady’s hand of political psych-out moves. I mean come on there’s no way he could have won that game if his hand was injured! But you know the underlying irony in all of this? The party that’s calling the left “anti-police” is doing everything it can to discredit the actual police!

Republicans on the House Intelligence Committee are on the verge of defying the Department of Justice and voting to release a classified memo they say will reveal misconduct by senior FBI officials involved in investigating President Donald Trump's campaign.

POLITICO contacted or reviewed statements by the committee’s 13 Republicans, and found near-unanimous support for making public the memo, which Democrats call a misleading effort to discredit special counsel Robert Mueller’s probe into Trump’s ties to Russia.

A vote by the committee — expected as soon as Wednesday — to release the controversial document would put its fate into the hands of President Donald Trump, who has not taken a clear position on its public disclosure.

The committee sentiment suggests that House Republicans are unfazed by a top Justice Department official’s warning that doing so without first consulting the department would be “extraordinarily reckless,” and underscores the GOP’s determination to shift attention from Russian election influence onto alleged anti-Trump bias among federal Russia investigators.

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[font size="8"]Alex Jones
[br] [/font]

Whew. This is going to be a very long fucking year people. And I need a drink. As evidenced already by Sean Hannity’s epic display of lunacy. As if that couldn’t get any weirder, wait until you get a load of what Alex Jones did this week. You know Alex Jones – the Infowars guy and guy who secretly blows a cartoon-style gasket when we’re not looking. He’s your creepy uncle’s creepy uncle. And his side is doing everything it can to discredit the Mueller investigation. So we’re continuing from the previous entry on Devin Nunes here.

Rep. Devin Nunes (R-Calif.) won’t #releasethememo. The now infamous document was prepared by Republican staffers for the House Intelligence Committee, which is chaired by Nunes, and it supposedly details how the FBI and the Justice Department improperly conducted surveillance in connection with the Trump-Russia probe. Conservatives looking to discredit the Russia investigation have embraced the classified memo, though they haven’t seen it, and have called for its release. But Nunes has so far insisted on keeping it secret—even from the Justice Department.

“We requested to see the memo and have not been given access to read it,” a Justice Department source tells Mother Jones. The FBI has also been denied access to the document, the Daily Beast revealed on Sunday.

The memo reportedly asserts that federal officials abused their power by seeking a warrant targeting a Trump campaign adviser under the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) without disclosing that evidence cited in the application relied on research by former British spy Christopher Steele. The ex-MI6 officer, who once ran the spy agency’s Russia desk, was working for a firm that was paid by Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign and the Democratic National Committee.

OK so Devin Nunes won’t release the memo. But you know who did? Alex Jones. And man he claims he has some high up sources. I mean never mind that Trump talks to him directly. “FAKE NEWS!!!”. You almost need a flow chart to explain the madness between Hannity, Nunes, and Jones. Can we get competent adults back in charge please?

Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones purported to exclusively release a secret memo that Rep. Devin Nunes (R-CA) has touted which supposedly undermines the investigation into collusion between the Trump campaign in Russia. The document that Jones displayed on air during his January 23 show has actually been publicly available on a government website since at least May 2017.

Jones tried to do damage control later in the show, claiming that forces in the government hacked a computer in his offices to try to prevent him from releasing it, but that it wouldn’t work because “Trump already published it."

Nunes’ memo has been the subject of widespread speculation and triggered the right-wing social media campaign #releasethememo. According to Mother Jones, “The now infamous document was prepared by Republican staffers for the House Intelligence Committee, which is chaired by Nunes, and it supposedly details how the FBI and the Justice Department improperly conducted surveillance in connection with the Trump-Russia probe.”

The Mother Jones article added that “Conservatives looking to discredit the Russia investigation have embraced the classified memo, though they haven’t seen it, and have called for its release. But Nunes has so far insisted on keeping it secret -- even from the Justice Department.”

OK you trust people when you don’t trust people. Got it. So how could Alex have got his hands on a memo that even the author won’t release to the public? Is it because it’s a steaming load of Grade A bullshit? Or is it that there is no memo? Oh I know! It’s the wrong fucking memo!

ALEX JONES (HOST): I got to go off air because William Binney, former technical head of the National Security Agency, the main technical adviser obviously on the big film Snowden, who’s advised the president and the CIA director [Mike] Pompeo, he’s now advising the president, he’s going to be joining us next hour.

He just said, “Hey, here, why don’t you just have the actual memo they’re talking about.” Now there’s another memo they’re writing about this memo. But here it is, just sent to us. I’ve got to go off air, this is the classified memo right here. I mean, I told you I have sources and that I’d reverse engineered it, but I guess the decision has been made by whoever’s telling Binney to send this to us. Document cam please. And it’s -- a lot more is coming up after the break, OK, this is happening right now.

Can we do a document cam shot, please? Here it is ladies and gentlemen, the first look. You want to look at it? Got the whole thing. In fact, the rest of it’s coming out of the printer, guys, will you bring it to me please? The one by my office in the hall. Here it is, this is why I’m having trouble conducting the show here, broadcast.

Yeah this one actually is wrong! Oh and here’s the best part – Alex blames the error on… wait for it… hackers! Yay!!!!!

Later in his broadcast, perhaps aware of what he had done, Jones told a fantastical story about criminal elements in the government hacking a computer at his Infowars studio to try to stop him from publishing the document. Jones said, “I'm literally in [Infowars editor] Kit Daniels’ office. While we’re trying to post it, they grab control of the computer and turn it off and fry it right in front of us and then start jumping in -- they are inside our computers right now.”

Jones then claimed that the “globalists” “can't stop us from publishing it” because “Trump already published it, ... we haven't told you yet,” giving a possible pretext for his embarrassingly inaccurate claims earlier in the show.

Thank you Master Yoda! So Alex indeed fail at releasing a memo he thought was the real deal, and I bet the actual memo is going to be a nothing burger. Preferably with a side of treason. But then to move on, Alex Jones invited the guy who claimed he had the memo – Matt Gaetz, on to explain why he failed, and guess what? He’s tired of being called a conspiracy theorist! Cue the world’s tiniest violin!

Rep. Matt Gaetz of Florida appeared on conspiracy theory outlet Infowars to complain that he is being called a conspiracy theorist for pushing the narrative that a secret memo by the chairman of the House Intelligence Committee proves that the Obama administration improperly sought to spy on Donald Trump and his presidential campaign.

Gaetz appeared on “The Alex Jones Show” today to discuss Republican calls to declassify a memo authored by Rep. Devin Nunes that some Republicans are saying proves claims that the Obama administration abused FISA laws to surveil Trump and his associate. The Republican push, which aims to cast doubt over special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into possible Russian interference in the 2016 election, has included flooding social media with the hashtag “#ReleaseTheMemo.”

“We’re called conspiracy theorists because we see this cabal right in front of us,” Gaetz said. “We’re able to aggregate these data points and show what was really going on. The reality is we’re just looking at the very messages that the people that were at the center of the Hillary Clinton investigation and the center of Robert Mueller’s investigation were saying to one another.”

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

Anyone remember when we used to have competent leaders in charge? I mean there was a time in the United States where this did happen. Oh man do I miss those times! I mean here’s how incompetent the Trump administration is. This week was Trump’s first state of the union. And they can’t even get the invitations right!

President Trump is famously spelling-challenged, but this one was not his fault.

Mr. Trump is set to deliver his first State of the Union address on Tuesday, and the tickets issued to lawmakers’ spouses and guests contained a glaring typo: “State of the Uniom.” The tickets, printed by the Office of the Sergeant at Arms and Doorkeeper, had to be reissued on Monday.

“It was corrected immediately, and our office is redistributing the tickets,” a spokesman for the sergeant at arms told Agence France-Presse. The office did not immediately respond to a request for comment on Monday evening, and it was not clear how many tickets were affected.

You know what? Can we show those invitations? I mean it’s there in the writing!

That’s real. That is not Photoshopped. I repeat – that is not Photoshopped! At least Trump didn’t have Joy Villa on the red carpet! Remember last year when she wore that “Make America Great Again” dress? Well this year might have topped that, can we show that?

I seriously can’t tell if she is making a bold statement about abortion or auditioning for Bill Donahue’s Drag Race. I don’t know, I’m asking for a friend! But this might be one of the most startling statistics from the whole SOTU shindig last night:

PolitiFact’s website went down briefly during President Trump’s first State of the Union address. The fact-checking website tweeted at 9:49 p.m., about halfway through Trump’s speech, that the website had crashed.

“Welp ... our website just crashed,” PolitiFact tweeted. “Thanks for reading ?!!? We'll keep things up here on Twitter while we see what happened.”

PolitiFact fact-checked the president’s speech, writing that “several of his points were factually flawed.” They rated many of his claims about tax cuts as “mostly false” or “false.”

The organization had fact-checked nearly 500 of Trump’s statements before the State of the Union, rating 21 percent as “mostly false,” 33 percent as “false” and 15 percent as “pants on fire.”

Read more: http://thehill.com/homenews/media/371557-fact-checking-site-crashes-during-trump-state-of-the-union

Yes, Mr. Trump! You actually are wrong! In fact you lie so much that you actually crashed the website that does everything it can to prove that you’re wrong! But there is some good news. You know how much Trump loves him some ratings. “I have the best ratings, OK! They’re yuge!”. Well compared to last year’s SOTU? Guess what!

Donald Trump gave his first State of the Union on Tuesday night, his second formal address since taking office, and the presidential spiel naturally dominated evening ratings — though it seems to be off some from his first go in the House chamber in 2017.

Early returns, based on Nielsen's 56 metered markets, have the hour-plus speech pulling a combined 14.8 overnight rating among households on the broadcast networks. That's between 9 and 10:30 p.m., and only counts for four of the seven major networks bng the speech. Compared to the same stats for the same networks a year ago, that's off roughly 9 percent from his 2017 speech. (Trump's 2017 address pulled a combined 16 overnight rating among metered market households, ultimately earning 48 million viewers with all networks tallied.)

While that may be the best part of all of this, we haven’t even touched on the scariest part yet. He actually called for a real life purge. Yes and this was cheered! I mean even the producers of the actual Purge couldn’t have crafted a scarier scenario, and they’re in on the joke!

Yes that’s the actual poster for “The First Purge” which is scheduled to be out July 4th. But here’s what Trump actually said!

President Donald Trump spent the bulk of his first State of the Union address touting his tax policy and laying out an immigration proposal that would advance many white nationalist organizations’ top priorities.

Buried within the speech, however, was a proposal that would fundamentally rework the balance of power between civil servants and political appointees — and strike a deep blow to the rule of law in the process.

“I call on the Congress to empower every Cabinet Secretary with the authority to reward good workers,” Trump said, “and to remove Federal employees who undermine the public trust or fail the American people.”

On the surface, this proposal may seem benign — who doesn’t want public employees who “fail the American people” to be removed? But laws protecting civil servants against politically motivated firings are one of the foundations of liberal democracy.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Yes if you don’t pledge your complete and undying loyalty to Der Trumpenfuror, you could possibly lose your job! I mean if this isn’t a sign that the US has become a fascist dictatorship, I don’t know what is! But here’s the best part. Here’s how he managed to top that:

WASHINGTON — President Trump challenged Democrats on Tuesday night to join him in overhauling immigration policies and in rebuilding the nation’s infrastructure in his first State of the Union address.

Speaking to a joint session of Congress, Mr. Trump hailed what he called the “extraordinary success” of his administration’s first year, and largely steered clear of the nationalist rhetoric, political attacks and confrontational tone that have been his calling cards both as a candidate and as a commander in chief.

“Tonight, I call upon all of us to set aside our differences, to seek out common ground and to summon the unity we need to deliver for the people,” Mr. Trump said to raucous applause from many Republicans, as Democratic leaders who have bitterly criticized his policies and messaging sat stone-faced in their seats.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!! Yeah says the guy who has threatened to jail his opponent and repeatedly calls her a stupid loser on an almost daily basis! I’m sure unity is the last thing you care about! But of course he talks about America First. Does he not know that’s a Nazi slogan?

Trump ran -- and won -- on the idea that he would always put our country first. And boy did he make good on that promise in his State of the Union address. For the first hour of the speech, Trump talked about nothing but domestic policy. Tax cuts. The economy. Trade. Regulatory reform. Immigration. Nary a mention of America's place in the world until after 10 pm on the east coast.

The signal was clear: Trump is not just using "America First" as a piece of rhetoric; he's heavily focused on making it a policy reality as well.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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So Trump went to Switzerland this week, and got booed in front of a crowd of the world’s elite. You might be wondering how we got to this point. So now we got the madness of the SOTU out of the way, you know Donald Trump has severely hurt America’s standing in the world, right? I mean come on, the Doomsday Clock has literally moved to 2 Minutes To Midnight. I guess Iron Maiden can celebrate now, right?

On Wednesday, The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists announced they have moved the Doomsday Clock forward so it now rests 2 minutes before midnight.

The Doomsday Clock is a symbol which represents the likelihood of a human-made global catastrophe. Ever since 1998, when India and Pakistan started testing nuclear weapons, the Doomsday Clock has been just single digits away from midnight.

But after the disaster that was 2017, when world leaders failed to respond effectively to looming threats of nuclear war and climate change, scientists have moved the minute hand forward by 30 seconds.

So that being said, Trump has had a lot on his hands this week, and I’m not talking about his 2 Big Mac diet. But it might be bucket week this week. I don’t know, I am just guessing. I mean when you have friends like these, who needs enemies?

Following the passage of the GOP tax reform bill, a number of corporations have announced bonuses and wage increases for its employees, citing the tax cuts as the main reason. One company that handed out one-time bonuses was Home Depot. And the co-founder had some strong words for Democrats who have criticized these bonuses as “crumbs” and dismissed them as PR moves.

Appearing on Fox News Saturday, Bernie Marcus took aim at Democratic leaders, telling host Neil Cavuto that derisive comments about the bonuses will come back to haunt Democrats as it paints them as elitist. “These are things that the [Nancy] Pelosi and [Chuck] Schumer group don’t have a clue about. It’s why they lost the election, it’s as simple as that,” Marcus said. “[Hillary] Clinton never knew about the real people out there. That’s why they lost the election, and that’s why they’re going to lose the next election for the same reason.”

Towards the end of the interview, Marcus then straight up sad Democrats were brainless:

“You’ve got to use your brains! Democrats, use your stupid brains. You don’t have any brains!”

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! OK Marcus, let's think about this one for a minute. Your party controls all 3 branches of government and yet you can't get anything done. Maybe it is you who are the stupid ones? I mean come on liberals get blamed for everything! We even get blamed for people stupid enough to eat laundry detergent!

“I know what you’re thinking: The Tide Pod challenge couldn’t possibly be political, could it? Actually, yes it is,” Lahren said. “It’s just the latest symptom of a larger problem: The breakdown of the American family. It’s what happens when kids aren’t taught boundaries, respect, consequences or logic.”

Lahren said that parents have been taught to have a hands-off approach to raising children and that has made children “wild animals that think they can do whatever the heck they want.”

Lahren said America can thank liberals for teaching children that eating laundry soap is funny.

“The left, which dictates popular culture, brainwashes young people into believing they live in a world where 64 gender options are up for selection, everything is free, Beyoncé is a God queen, and eating detergent is funny.”

Yes, Tomi, you suck. I mean that’s the kind of thing fans of this wretched administration have done since they control all 3 branches of government! And since they do control all 3 branches of government you would think they would get something done, rather than blame the other side.

WASHINGTON — It’s almost fitting that, on the final day of President Trump’s first year in office, Washington is facing the real possibility of a partial government shutdown — especially given all of the stunning news events and chaos since Jan. 20, 2017. The “American Carnage” inaugural address. “Alternative facts.” The Comey firing. The Mueller probe. Neil Gorsuch’s confirmation. The legislative defeat on health care. The legislative victory on taxes. Charlottesville. The Alabama Senate race. “Shithole.” And now a likely shutdown.

But our new NBC/WSJ poll is a reminder that Trump’s first year in office didn’t have to be this way. Back in our Dec. 2016 poll, respondents were asked which word best described how they felt about the results of the election, and the top answers (allowing for multiple responses) were “hopeful” (32 percent), “disgusted” (25 percent), “scared” (23 percent), “excited” (12 percent) and “relieved” (11 percent).

But when we asked the same question about how Americans feel about Trump’s first year as president in our latest poll out this morning, here were the top responses: “disgusted” (38 percent), “scared” (24 percent), “hopeful” (23 percent), “proud” (12 percent) and “angry” (11 percent).

Yes because we still have to look at your ugly mug! But now that you know how we got here, picture what happened when Trump took that miraculous trip to Davos over the weekend when he was mingling with those icky globalist elite pedophiles!

DAVOS, Switzerland — No one was declaring President Trump a changed man. Privately, executives and global leaders who had gathered in Davos continued to worry that the American president could yet indulge his worst instincts — and his penchant for shock on Twitter — to deliver a geopolitical crisis, open up a new front in trade hostilities or offend a vast group of people.

But a rough consensus emerged over Mr. Trump’s two-day visit that his administration had shown itself to be more pragmatic than advertised. Many were inclined to view the president’s most extreme positions as just aggressive bargaining postures.

“There’s a very constructive mind-set in the Trump administration to find the best path forward,” said Vas Narasimhan, global chief of drug development for Novartis, who attended a dinner Mr. Trump hosted on Thursday night with leaders of more than a dozen European companies. “I’m optimistic that, with other world leaders, most of these issues can be tackled in a productive way for the global economy and for global businesses.

Ooh that one is perfect! So I mean he wanted to go to Davos thinking he was doing some good only to realize that the world hates his guts. And I mean would you be surprised? I know I am not! And if you are surprised, you don’t know Donald J. Trump!

The takeaway from President Trump’s visit to the World Economic Forum, in Davos, is that it didn’t go as badly as it might have. The President stuck to the written text. His hosts were gracious. Or, according to a less generous take, Trump went to a party to which he had always dreamed of being invited and the big boys, impressed by his stature, played nice. The general consensus betrays our low expectations: the best that can be expected of the President is an empty speech and a semblance of dignity in response to softball questions.

American media often refer to Davos as the ultimate gathering of “globalists,” a term that long ago lost any specific meaning. It might be more accurate to describe the World Economic Forum as a get-together where people who manage vast sums of money or otherwise wield outsize influence try to get a grasp on the political, social, and economic world in which they are living. The conversation occurs on three temporal levels: the present, the immediate future, and the distant future.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around, gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate. For the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time for our weekly sermon to find out why the most devoted of us are also completely full of:

Yes it’s our weekly duty to tell you why the most devoted followers of JAYSUS are also the most batshit fucking crazy. Can I get an amen???? And by the way let’s give it up for the Top 10 Gospel Choir, how great are they? So apparently remember back when Trump threw a CNN reporter out of the White House? He was casting out demons! Yes DAEMONS!!!!!!!! WALK AMONG US!!!!

Yesterday, right-wing preacher Lance Wallnau sat down for an interview with Ben Bergquam of Frontline America, during which he asserted that when President Trump ordered CNN’s Jim Acosta out of the Oval Office last week, he was exercising his spiritual authority to cast out demons.

Wallnau said that during the 2016 presidential election, he noticed that the campaign rallies of candidates like Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz were not being disrupted by protesters because “the devil wasn’t manifesting at those meetings.” By contrast, he said, “people that were working together at a level of evil” were routinely disrupting Trump rallies in an effort to intimidate his supporters.

Trump refused to back down to such bullying tactics, Wallnau said, “because there is a deliverance anointing on him for America.”

“What do you do when demons are manifesting?” he said. “You cast them out. He just cast out Jim Acosta last week. It was hilarious. He points at him and goes, ‘Out!’ One word—’Out!’—and security escorts the journalist out. It’s a deliverance anointing. He has got a Samson’s prophet anointing to deal with the Philistines. Any threat to God’s purpose for America and Israel, this guy will go and unhinge the gates because he has got a Samson-like anointing.”

Well this week, the holiest among us are completely full of holy shit when it comes to Donald Trump and porno star Stormy Daniels, for he has committed one of the most egregious of sins! But they’re like “he’s cool” with it.

Washington (CNN)Tony Perkins, the president of the conservative Family Research Council, contended Tuesday that the evangelical community has given President Donald Trump a "mulligan" when it comes to his personal behavior.
"Yes, evangelicals, conservatives, they gave him a mulligan. They let him have a do-over. They said we'll start afresh with you and we'll give you a second chance." Perkins said in a interview on CNN's "Erin Burnett OutFront."
Perkins' remarks come after a Wall Street Journal report that Trump's lawyer, Michael Cohen, formed a private LLC to pay a former porn star in exchange for not speaking publicly about an alleged sexual encounter with the then-candidate.

No we’re actually booing you. You lose! You get nothing! Because LYING IS A SIN!!!! AND SINS MUST BE PUNISHED BY THE LORD OUR GOD!!!!! For after all he is the creator of everything that is good and holy, can I get an amen??? But Brother Tony definitely wasn’t the only one suggesting this as Brother Jerry also defended this horrid comment!

The editor in chief of Christianity Today had some harsh words for Jerry Falwell Jr., who hit the cable news shows to defend Donald Trump after it was revealed the president allegedly carried on a year-long affair with an adult movie star.

In an editorial, in which Mark Galli admitted he was hesitant to “enter the political fray,” the editor claimed that “when fellow evangelicals start exegeting [expounding] and applying Scripture in the public square, we think we have something to add to the conversation.”

Noting that Falwell stated, “All these things [Trump’s affairs] were years ago, and he has apologized,” Galli called out the evangelist for getting his facts wrong in an effort to provide cover for Trump.

“In fact, the payoff for one of the alleged affairs was offered a mere 14 months ago; meanwhile, Trump has never apologized for his affairs, only for his lewd remarks in one video,” Galli wrote. “He’s never asked forgiveness as far as I can tell. But even if we charitably assume he has privately apologized to these women and to his wife, Falwell’s exegetical justification for Trump’s adulteries is startling.”

Thank you Gospel Choir! Can someone in our fine congregation please tell me why these people are so batshit fucking crazy? Not quite that crazy, sir! By the way if there’s no band starting tomorrow called “Twisted Scripture”, I will have lost all faith in the internet! I mean these are the people who took down Bill Clinton for an alleged affair. Trump has an actual one and they’re like “he’s cool”. And not only did Brother Tony back his statement, he doubled down!

Tony Perkins, president of the anti-LGBTQ group Family Research Center, said that evangelical faith leaders are willing to overlook President Trump’s alleged affair with adult film actress Stormy Daniels as long as Trump continues to fulfill promises he made to them and remains “the most pro-life, pro-family president.”

In the final minutes of yesterday’s “Washington Watch” show, Perkins commented an appearance he made on CNN Tuesday evening. He encouraged viewers to watch the segment and went on to explain his recent comments that evangelicals had given Trump a “mulligan” regarding hush money he paid to cover up an alleged affair he had with Daniels.

“A lot of the media has picked up a statement I made that the president—that evangelicals have given the president a mulligan. Not on this issue. Adultery is a serious issue, no matter who does it or where it’s done. My point is, all of these things that we were concerned about with the president we were aware of before the election,” Perkins said. “Most of us were not supporting him until it came down to a choice between him and Hillary Clinton.”

Now you know Brother Tony – lying is a sin!!!!! And sins must be punished in the name of all that is good and holy!!!! Because the LORD OUR GOD doesn’t want that!! God wants you to live a pure life clean of the sin of lying and all other sins!!! Can I get an amen??? And on that day he rested! But that still doesn’t excuse this behavior, or does it?

Over the weekend, right-wing preacher Lance Wallnau streamed a video on Periscope in which he likened President Trump to Samson and conservative Christians to those who marched for civil rights with Martin Luther King Jr.

“Donald Trump is the rough prophet from the secular caves that came out in order to say, ‘To hell with public opinion and the media, I am going to do what I know is right and I’m going to say what I know is true,'” Wallnau said. “Meanwhile, we have our dimwitted, rank-and-file leadership in the church that is constantly embarrassed over something he did. Well, guess what? If I was Newsweek or if I was National Esquire [sic], I would probably do a whole bunch of articles on Samson and his torrid history with Philistine babes—still doesn’t mean he ain’t anointed and he’ll take out those Philistines.”

Wallnau insisted that “Trump is actually doing a brilliant job at everything he is doing” and that it is up to conservative Christians to publicly and boldly rally behind him.

“Listen, Martin Luther King did not make progress for the African-American community by revival meetings in his church,” he said. “He actually made progress by a bus boycott and he had to take his prophetic message out to the streets where it elicited the violent opposition of people who were demonized in their prejudice.”

Yes and now even Brother Lance has shot himself in thine foot! Because he too is a victim of the sin of lying! And hypocrisy – both sins in the eyes of the Lord JAYSUS, creator of all that is good and holy! But If you dare digress… and you DARE to question your almighty, you are sinners who must be punished! It is not the original sinner who must be punished, it is you!!! So kiss your ass goodbye as you will go to the Bad Place!!!

Pro-Trump pastor Robert Jeffress said that he believed that evangelical faith leaders who publicly criticize President Trump do so because they are bitter that they incorrectly predicted the results of the 2016 election and because they don’t truly adhere to the evangelical Christian worldview.
Fred Jackson, sitting in as guest host during this morning’s episode of “Sandy Rios in the Morning,” told Jeffress that evangelical faith leaders who “beat the drum against this president” puzzle him, citing Franklin Graham’s proclamation that Trump has done more for Christians than another recent president. In response, Jeffress told Jackson that he believed there are two forces at play among those evangelicals: They are embarrassed that they predicted Trump would lose and they don’t truly adhere to the evangelical worldview.
“I think there’s several different agendas at work here. I think some of it is just wounded pride. They know they were wrong and they just have a hard time admitting it. But I think there’s something else that may be going on, Fred,” Jeffress said.
He explained, “I think there’s just been a disconnect, a continued disconnect, between what I call the evangelical elites and the average person in the pew.”

Yes, JAYSUS did not have to suffer for the evangelical elites! That’s the apparent takeaway you will get for this sermon! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]White Male Groper’s Club
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In case you’re wondering why we haven’t been covering a lot of the stories of sexual harassment and abuse out there, is because they’re way too horrifying to make fun of, and making fun of stories like what happened with those religious shitbags in Perris, California who tortured their kids would be beneath us. You can’t make fun of that. Same with that doctor from Michigan State University, and what he did. You can’t make fun of that either. So we won’t try. But we do have to bring abuse from celebrities to light. And last week a lot of them did come to light. Like Jeremy Piven. Would you be surprised that a guy who is famous for abusing his assistant abused his assistants in real life? Neither are we!

Three more women have stepped forward with allegations of sexual misconduct against actor Jeremy Piven. BuzzFeed has published their accounts, one of which dates back to 1980s, which are already being denied by Piven and his lawyer.

Susan McCain Olson was still in high school when she got a summer job working on the set of David Seltzer’s film in Glen Ellyn. She describes the production’s environment and stars—including Corey Haim, Winona Ryder, Charlie Sheen, and Piven—as “casual” and congenial. But McCain Olson tells BuzzFeed that there was one day on set where Piven “followed her into the trailer, pinned her down on the sofa, climbed on top of her, and started to kiss her.” And she feared that, “‘This is it, this is where I’m going to get raped.” But she eventually succeed in pushing him away. The then-teen told multiple friends about the altercation with Piven; BuzzFeed spoke with a few of them, who confirmed that McCain Olson had confided in them.

Somehow now Ari’s treatment of Lloyd suddenly isn’t as funny as it was 10 years ago. Lloyd!!!! But then as if that weren’t enough, there’s James Franco.

James Franco has been erased from the cover of Vanity Fair's annual issue celebrating Hollywood and the Academy Awards.
"We made a decision not to include James Franco on the Hollywood cover once we learned of the misconduct allegations against him," the publication said in a statement released to CNN Friday.
The magazine debuted its new cover Thursday, with the headline "The 2018 Vanity Fair Hollywood Portfolio: 12 Extraordinary Stars, One Momentous Year."
According to The Hollywood Reporter, which first reported the change, Franco was digitally removed from the cover after sitting for famed photographer, Annie Leibovitz.
Those featured are usually photographed in small groups and then digitally combined into one image. As a result, dropping Franco did not necessitate a reshoot.
The actor has denied allegations by five women who told the Los Angeles Times earlier this month they experienced inappropriate and sometimes sexually exploitative behavior by Franco.

Yeah holy shit! So in case you’re wondering where I’m going with this, I give you Steve Wynn. Yes – the same billionaire casino mogul who’s very good friends with Trump. And he also has the same taste in interior decorating!

Stephen Wynn’s perch at the top of the casino industry was badly shaken on Friday following the disclosure of allegations that he engaged in a long pattern of sexual misconduct with employees of his casinos.

A detailed investigative report in The Wall Street Journal portrayed Mr. Wynn, a billionaire casino magnate and prominent political donor, as a man who frequently demanded naked massages from female employees, sometimes pressuring them for sex and to masturbate him. The newspaper said that the activity had gone on for decades and that some female employees had complained to supervisors about Mr. Wynn’s behavior.

Some of the women told The Journal that they had tried to avoid having to give Mr. Wynn massages by hiding in bathrooms, or entering fake appointments in record logs to make it look as if some of their colleagues were busy. The newspaper relied on court records and interviews with dozens of people who worked at his casinos.

Yeah holy shit indeed! I mean this is insane. I wouldn’t want to give Steve a massage either so I totally get where they’re coming from! But then the fallout from this as you would expect is massive. Wrong kind of massive sir! Seriously? One guy in the audience trying to make a “that’s what she said” joke?

Las Vegas casino mogul Steve Wynn on Saturday stepped down as Republican National Committee finance chairman, according to three senior Republicans briefed on the decision.

The decision followed a Friday report in the Wall Street Journal alleging that Wynn engaged in sexual harassment.

Wynn, 76, was President Donald Trump's handpicked choice for the finance position. It has not yet been determined who will replace him.

"Today I accepted Steve Wynn’s resignation as Republican National Committee finance chair," said RNC chair Ronna Romney McDaniel, who spoke about the Wynn situation with the president on Saturday morning, according to a person with knowledge of the conversation. Trump returned from the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, on Friday evening.

And you know Trump, they always say you can judge a guy by the company they keep. Well look at Trump and the company he keeps – Rupert Murdoch and now Steve Wynn. But some good news from this – well…

Shares of Wynn Resorts Ltd. WYNN, -7.06% slid another 3.5% in premarket trade Monday, as investors continued to digest a Wall Street Journal report from Friday alleging yearslong sexual misconduct by Chief Executive Steve Wynn. The move sent Wynn shares down about 10% Friday and shaved about $2 billion off Wynn Resorts market capitalization. Wynn, who stepped down from his rolse finance chairman for the Republican National Convention over the weekend, denied the allegations, telling the paper: "The idea that I ever assaulted any woman is preposterous." "We think the news reports alleging sexual harassment by Steve Wynn creates a sizable overhang in the shares and see value that compensates investors for risk related to these allegations at the ~$150 level, versus the ~$180 level it last traded on Friday," J.P. Morgan analysts wrote in a note. Analysts noted that the gaming industry is highly regulated and licenses include character clauses. Nevada and Massachusetts gaming commissions have already launched reviews. "A scenario where WYNN doesn't have Steve as a CEO is not good for the company," said the note. "We have always held the belief that WYNN possesses the single largest individual CEO dependency versus any of the other 30 gaming and lodging companies our coverage universe (well, maybe LVS with CEO Sheldon Adelson is tie with WYNN)." Shares have gained 75% in the last 12 months, while the S&P 500 SPX, -0.41% has gained 25%.

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[font size="8"] The XFL
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So we’re just a few weeks away from the second Super Bowl of the Trump era. And you know that the WWE’s Vince McMahon’s wife Linda McMahon is in the Trump administration. You know here’s the thing Trump fans – you might think we’re losing our minds over something like this. But the truth of the matter is that we’re laughing *AT* you, not with you. Because you're stupid enough to believe that the WWE's Vince McMahon is looking out for America's best interests and that he cares about you. In reality, he just cares about making money. So Vince McMahon thinks he’s going to start his own version of the NFL, called the XFL. And he’s going to appeal to Fox News fans and Trump voters. Let’s explain more:

WWE founder and chairman Vince McMahon announced Thursday he is giving a professional football league another go.

It will be called the XFL, the same name of the league McMahon and NBC tried for one season in 2001, but it won't rely on flashy cheerleaders and antics as its predecessor did, he said.

McMahon said he is the sole funding source for the league, which is slated to begin in January 2020. Its first season will have eight teams around the country playing a 10-week schedule. The initial outlay of money is expected to be around $100 million, the same amount of WWE stock McMahon sold last month and funneled into Alpha Entertainment, the company he founded for the project.

"I wanted to do this since the day we stopped the other one," McMahon told ESPN in an exclusive interview. "A chance to do it with no partners, strictly funded by me, which would allow me to look in the mirror and say, 'You were the one who screwed this up,' or 'You made this thing a success.'"

Yet another eerily accurate prediction by the Simpsons! I mean come on! Yeah before we explore the XFL further – let’s first take into account that Vince McMahon got tackled by the guy who currently calls himself the president! Hey, where’s my drink at? So now let’s do a deep dive on the XFL.

As if 2017 was not crazy enough, 2018 has fired its opening salvo as the return of the XFL, a controversial football league originally founded by Vince McMahon in 1999, was officially announced on Thursday.

CBS Sports first reported the nature of the announcement earlier in the day and that the league is not planning to start up again until 2020. McMahon, who rushed the original XFL into existence without so much as a full slate of offseason practices to prepare for the league's inaugural year, said he learned his lesson from one of the XFL's biggest initial mistakes.

"The new XFL is an exciting opportunity to reimagine America's favorite sport," said McMahon in a statement. "As we move towards kickoff, we look forward to listening and implementing innovative ideas from players, coaches, medical experts, technology executives, the media and most importantly football fans."

There had been unsubstantiated talk about the XFL making a return late in 2017, but Brad Shepard first reported in mid-December that McMahon, WWE's chairman, was planning to make such an announcement on Jan. 25.

OK so we’ve already established that the XFL will be run by Vince McMahon and it will be “gimmick free”. I suppose that’s a jab at the National Football League? So what else could you do that would entice people to switch from their favorite branded NFL team to your relatively unknown XFL team?

WWE chairman Vince McMahon has announced a planned relaunch of the previously defunct XFL, and it is being met with some pretty mixed reactions on Twitter.

To start, there are many people who are excited about the news. "I can’t wait to rock my Chicago Enforcers jersey to a game again," one XFL fan wrote.

"Vince McMahon plans to relaunch the #XFL in 2020. He said he wants to bring the game of football back to the fans. If he does this the right way, the NFL will go out of business. And I will be the first to cheer their downfall," said another enthusiastic fan.

However, there are many who are decidedly not thrilled about it, and still others who think it is just laughable.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…. We all know what a failure the first XFL was! And really? I mean really? They’re starting their own league because of that whole taking a knee controversy bullshit? Talk about snowflakes! I mean where’s Bender when you need him?

Television ratings for the N.F.L. have fallen 17 percent over the past two seasons. The league is embroiled in a continuing crisis over concussions, and youth participation rates are falling.

All of this suggests a difficult future for the sport, yet the N.F.L.’s most notorious competitor, Vince McMahon’s X.F.L., has a comeback in the works.

McMahon, the chairman and chief executive of World Wrestling Entertainment, announced on Thursday that he would take a second crack at professional football, with play scheduled to start in early 2020.

McMahon first tried to reimagine pro football 17 years ago. The old X.F.L. was a joint venture between the World Wrestling Federation (W.W.E.’s former name) and NBC, which had lost rights to broadcast N.F.L. games.

But there’s several people who have already thrown their hat into the ring! Including a former Cleveland Browns favorite:


But according to the rules of the Snowflake League, or XFL, he can’t play!

Former Heisman Trophy winner and NFL quarterback Johnny Manziel is not eligible to play in Vince McMahon's XFL in Jan. 2020, according to ESPN's Darren Rovell.

Under McMahon's rules for the league, any player with a criminal record is precluded from the league.

"We are evaluating a player based on many things, including the quality of human being they are," McMahon told ESPN. "If you have any sort of criminal record or commit a crime you aren't playing in this league."

On a conference call, McMahon answered a question from SI's Jimmy Traina on whether invites would be extended to Manziel, Tim Tebow and Colin Kaepernick. McMahon said that no one with a criminal record such as a DUI would be allowed to play.

"You want someone who does not have any criminality associated whatsoever with them. Even if you have a DUI you will not play in the XFL," McMahon said. "So that will probably eliminate some of them. Not all of them. If Tim Tebow wants to play, he can very well play."

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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
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It’s time for another edition of:


And man do I need a drink this week! This edition got particularly dark. So let’s end on a drunken note shall we? I mean all I want to do is watch Anti Flag! So tell me bartender, what goes well with free speech? America The Beer? Ah fuck it, I’ll have my usual Jack Daniels mixed with Jack Daniels. So you know what free speech is – it’s that thing your racist uncle uses when he gets into an argument with you, and you don’t like his talking points. But there is one place in New York City where free speech doesn’t apply. Let’s explain more.

Owner Trigger Smith made headlines this week after he hung a sign on the door of his East Village dive bar, Continental, threatening to ban anyone who uses the word literally. To recap, the sign reads, in part, “if you say the word ‘literally’ inside Continental you have 5 minutes to finish your drink and then you must leave … If you actually start a sentence with ‘I literally’ you must leave immediately!!!” Now, online critics have taken note — and they aren’t happy!

Almost immediately, the sign and alleged policy were criticized as sexist, but Trigger argues that literally’s misusers extend to both genders and span the English-speaking globe. Also, he seems mostly pleased by the kerfuffle he’s caused; by now, major media all over the world have covered it. (“This thing is going global!” he wrote in a letter to Grub yesterday, calling the situation “too funny.”) Trigger also said that he doesn’t plan to boot violators for real; he’s making fun of slang that he dislikes, and his patrons “get it.” Of course, that defense just enlarged the target on Continental’s back.

Yeah I need some of that! Mmmm… I do love some good Jack Daniels. So let’s stop there for a minute. I mean look, even the owner’s name is “Trigger Smith”. And you know how the alt right loves to “trigger” liberals? Whatever that means. Let’s explore this a bit further.

What is the whole idea of going to a bar? Paying for a drink, chatting with buddies, having a good time? Yeah, I literally do all of that. Except, if you were drinking at this particular joint in the East Village in New York City, you 'literally' won't be allowed to say that you 'literally' came to have fun.

This hip bar has laid out a few ground rules which are a God sent for people who literally hate the overexposure that the term 'literally' enjoys.

So the policy is pretty straight and in-your-face. You get five minutes to finish your drink after you have used the 'you know which' word and if you start your sentence with 'I Literally' then given their cat ears and sharp listening skills, the good fellas will ask you to take your literal self someplace else. Seems like 'literally' is the Voldemort of words for them. Nonetheless, this is hilarious.

I seriously wonder now how many people are going to go to this bar now just to see how long they last before the word literally is used? Sports casters wouldn’t even last long enough to order their first drink. “He literally ripped his head off with that play!!!” He did? Do you see a severed head anywhere? Let’s throw that tweet up there!


I’m with you. I literally can’t believe it either! Oops! Does this mean that I’ll get kicked out of the Continental now? Hey what are you doing??? Get away from me!!!

OK sorry about that – we’re back! OK I need a few more drinks here. So we have a bar in New York City that has banned the use of the word literally and literally attracted overnight attention. Well, Trigger, the owner of the bar, is certainly living up to his name by laughing off the claims that the ban is sexist:

Trigger calls the claim that they’re being sexist “even funnier than the sign,” and also adds: “Anybody who knows me knows I’m a feminist who supports women’s rights and is 100 percent behind this whole ‘Me Too’ thing. I guess people will find an issue in anything.”

A backlash seems unlikely, since Continental is set to close in a few months anyway, and its reputation precedes it — older New Yorkers will have fond memories of its Iggy Pop and Joey Ramone punk days, while the younger, NYU-heavy crowd will have vaguer memories of the bar’s infamous shot deal: five shots “of anything” for $10 (it costs $12 now because of, you know, inflation).

More recently, the bar became notorious for banning “saggy jeans,” a policy that Trigger has defended by saying: “If you have a problem with that, open up your own bar with no dress code or door policy and see how long it lasts. That crowd will alienate and scare away your mainstream crowd until that’s all you have left.”

So an attack on literally seems pretty mellow, comparatively. Just to give things some context, Trigger adds that he’s also got a sign hanging on the bar’s mirror inside that reads, “The customer is always wrong.”

Wait… the customer is always wrong? I literally thought the customer was always right! Ah see what I did there? I wonder what Mr. Trigger thinks about the correct usage of the word? Hmmm… not so funny now is it? See, Trigger is the part of a group of grammar specialists who are also part of a larger, let’s call them a national socialist grammar correctors. They’re members of the National Association of Zero Intolerance. OK yeah lets just call them Grammar Nazis.

A grammatically conscious New York bar says it will ban customers who incorrectly use the word "literally" in conversation.

Continental bar in Manhattan's East Village has put up a sign in its window warning patrons who drop the dreaded "L" word that they will be ushered from the premises.

The tongue-in-cheek notice says that anyone caught using the banned word will be given five minutes to finish their drink and leave.

The bar's owner, Trigger Smith, said he had grown tired of overhearing conversations peppered with "literally" and the disturbing rise of "Valley-speak".

"I had a woman from Miami the other night tell me it's happening down there," he told Grub Street. "And it's not just millennials. Now you hear newscasters using 'literally' every three minutes on the Sunday news shows.

"What's annoying is people aren't even aware they're saying it. How could you be so unaware of your words that it's coming out every couple of minutes?"

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[font size="8"]World Tour Shithole Edition Destination #2: Ghana
[br] [/font]

Part of our mission statement here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots is to show you that conservative idiocy isn’t just a problem with America. No, it’s a global problem that is stemming far and wide, and it’s not just America where conservative idiots ruin everything they touch. And if you’re thinking of moving out of the United States just because Donald J. Trump is our current president and our nation is turning to shit, you should know what it is you’re getting into should you decide that you want to leave the country. Well now things suddenly got interesting! So our world tour got hijacked by Donald Trump, and we’re off on a quest to find if any of the places Trump is suggesting are shitholes are actually shitholes. So here’s the World Tour 2018 Shithole Edition:

[font size="6"]Ghana[/font]

So we’re back in Africa everybody! Yes, our quest to find the perfect liberal utopia has now been hijacked as we’re trying to find Trump’s perfect shithole. And I’m of course not counting his own big fat mouth. Hey o! So Ghana is a West African country. Its’ neighbors are the African nations of Togo, Ivory Coast, and Burkina Faso. The capital of Ghana is the city of Accra. So what is there to do in Accra? It’s one of the safer destinations in Africa that you could possibly visit. We actually had to do a bit of research in this edition. Accra was at one point the key port for the African slave trade and you can see this acclimated in their many museums, palaces, and historical monuments. Accra also has a very lively cultural center and is considered to be one of the best in Africa. It is also one of the smaller countries in Africa compared to some of its’ neighbors. And its’ one of the few countries in that part of Africa that has a stable democracy. Unlike ours which is an unstable democracy! So is Ghana really a shithole or not? Let’s find out.

Founder and General Overseer of God’s Crown Chapel, Prophet Reindolph Oduro has disclosed Ghana could swear in a new vice president ‘if God does not intervene.’

According to Reindolph Oduro, the incumbent Vice President, Alhaji Mahamudu Bawumia is down with stroke and only divine intervention can heal him.

He adds, Dr. Bawumia is battling a sever stroke and that President Akufo-Addo is likely to appoint a new person as his vice.

‘If God do not intervene, vice President Mahamudu Bawumia’s position will be given to a different person” Eagle Prophet said while speaking on Abusua FM’s Drive Time show host, Ike De Unpredictable.

He added ‘it was just last Monday when I was praying that God revealed to me the vice President has been struck down by stroke.’

Yeah OK we’re not falling for that one! So Ghana’s religious fundamentalists are really no different from ours. Maybe the problem could be religion? But tell me audience – what’s the over / under on how much it would take to fix Ghana? Anyone? One million dollars? Really, sir? Get off my phone! OK I’m hearing one billion… five billion? 20?

Chief Executive Officer of the Ghana Trade Fair Company, Dr Agnes Adu, said the Centre needs about $1billion in order to give it the required facelift to meet international status.

She said, “Obviously, that can’t come from one pocket and so the model that we’ve adopted that it will come from multiple developers and multi-angles is really the way to go.”

Dr Agnes Adu in exclusive interview: “In the past, what I think the previous administrations have failed to pull this project off is in the past they put their entire project under one umbrella say you go source for the money and then bring it to build the facility; that is impractical no one company can raise that caliber of money.”

She said, “So we are trying not to repeat those type of models we’ve proven doesn’t work.”

But you know how Ghana isn’t a shithole like Trump claims? They are smarter than the US when it comes with how to detain prisoners:

The US government says it has no interest whatsoever in what Ghana does with the two ex-Guantanamo detainees currently in the country.

US Ambassador to Ghana, Robert Jackson, said Umar Bin Atef and Khalid Al-Dhuby, ceased to be the responsibilities of the US government effective January 6, 2018, when the original deal for their two-year stay ended.

Ghana’s Foreign Minister, Shirley Ayorkor Botchwey, last week announced that the two detainees were granted refugees status by the Mahama administration, a situation that makes it difficult for Ghana to send them away without their input.

Speaking to journalists in Tamale, Mr. Jackson said the decision by the previous Mahama administration to grant the two refugee status, came to him as a surprise.

[font size="6"]The Verdict & Scorecard[/font]

So is Ghana a shithole? Yes and no. They have an influx of Christian fundamentalists, so I’d caution moving there, but definitely feel free to visit there and go on a safari!

Tourism: B+
Culture: A
Political Spectrum: D-
Liberal Appeal: C-

Overall: C

[font size="6"]Next Week[/font]

Continuing our nonsense tour schedule to find Trump’s perfect shithole (not counting his mouth), we’re going to the Central American nation of El Salvador!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Anti Flag[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, I am super excited to have my next guest on the show. I actually saw these guys perform this last week. Go see them, they put on a great show. Their latest album is called “American Fall”. Playing their song called “American Attraction”, give it up for Anti Flag!

Yeah how about that?

See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Ontario Improv, Ontario, CA
Special Thanks To: Improv Group
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
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Anti Flag Appear Courtesy Of: Spinefarm Records / Universal Music Group
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
Follow The Top 10 At: @DUInitechTop10

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

January 24, 2018

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-3: Wheel Of Corruption & The Sorcerers Stone Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-3: Wheel Of Corruption & The Sorcerer’s Stone Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Now get 1.5% cash back and double airline points on select offers when you open an account with Idiots Financial! We are back everybody! We’re hanging out in San Francisco this week as part of Sketchfest! Yay, my favorite time of year is upon us. No, it’s not the Super Bowl. Yeah if the Patriots are in it, I’m already out. Sorry. What? We’ve seen Belicheck in 11 Super Bowls now! Isn’t it time we get someone new for the AFC? Yeah moving on! I’m of course talking about the time of year that the Golden Raspberry Awards are announced! You of course know them better as the Razzies. Last year, sweet justice was made during the Razzie awards when Dinesh D’Souza got his ass handed to him for his Hillary hatefest “Hillary’s America”. Well, the year that followed of course saw no shortage of crap in the cinema world. So in case you want to know what the worst of the worst are in 2017 cinema, here you go, and can I get a drum roll please? Thank you! The nominees are Transformers: The Last Knight, The Emoji Movie, Fifty Shades Darker, The Mummy, and Baywatch. I predict the odds on favorite to be The Emoji Movie with a 6% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. But I think the Razzie academy is going to favor the Transformers flicks just to complete the cycle, if the fifth movie really is the final one. After all, past Transformers movies have almost always won because they are terrible movies. Although I will put money on Michael Bay for Worst Director, Tyler Perry and the Worn Out Wig for Worst Screen Combo, and I will also put money on Boo! 2 for Worst Remake, Rip-off, or Sequel. But there’s some pretty strong competition in that category. All right I’m getting carried away here. We got a lot of idiocy to cover, but first we got to play Saturday Night Live’s brilliant game show from last week called “Does It Even Matter Anymore?”:

DISCLAIMER: By the way, before we begin this week – a disclaimer. Yes, we need to talk seriously for a minute. We are *NOT* going to cover the religious shitbags from Perris, California, who tortured their 14 children. That story is way too horrifying to make fun of. And making fun of it would be beneath us. We got a lot of requests for it, but this is a comedy show, not a horror movie. We have to keep things eh… somewhat tasteful. Which is why we're also not covering the Larry Nassar news either. So please don’t ask. Now on with the show!

God this was an insane week for idiocy and we got to start somewhere. I know – let’s bring back the Wheel Of Corruption! Yay! And this time we’re going to be paying tribute to the Harry Potter series of both books and movies. in the first slot we’re going to recap the women’s march. So we’re going to start the week with some good news for a change! Yes, the best signs and the craziest statistics from Saturday’s protest. In the second slot is of course Donald Trump (2). So what do you do when your government is shut down and all you’re doing is blaming the other side? I know! Hold a black tie gala at Mar-A-Shithole for your one year anniversary in office! In the third slot is also Donald Trump (3), and we know the news of his physical are out and it’s old news by now but it’s still spectacular. In the fourth slot is the GOP because the shut down is insane, and of course as I said before they’re blaming the other side, because that’s what happens when you can’t get any work done! In the fifth slot is of course our weekly sermon on all things holy – Holy Shit, and this time, we’re going to recap the March For Life, which happened over the weekend, and it was absolutely insane. Really, a new low for the Christian right. At number 6 is the Alt Right (6). So Chelsea Manning is running for the US Senate as a democrat, but whose side is she really on? All shall be revealed! At number 7 is the state of Hawaii (7) which is usually a pretty liberal state. But they made some colossal fuck ups during last week’s Hawaii Missile Crisis (7) and it is more insane than you would think! In the number 8 slot is a brand new installment of “This Fucking Guy” and this week, we’re naming religious right activist and “Fire Fighter Prophet” Mark Taylor as “This Fucking Guy”. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!!) slot, we’ve got a new installment of People Are Dumb, because, well, People Are Dumb. Finally this week we’re continuing the Shithole Edition of our World Tour 2018 and we’re going to the Caribbean to visit the beautiful island nation of Haiti! Is it as fucked up as Trump says it is? Well there’s only one way to find out! Plus we’ve got some live music for the ladies this week as the beautiful and talented Lana Del Rey is going to be joining us! Yay! The kids love Lana, don’t they? Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Women’s March Recap
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Come on audience say it with me! It’s time for the: WHEEL OF CORRUPTION! YAY!!!!

It’s been a while since we broke out the Wheel O’ Corruption! Of course you know the rules by now – I spin the wheel and we have to talk about whatever it lands on. Of course if it lands on the guacamole option, you know that it costs $1.50 extra. And it’s a new year and we have some new items on the wheel! So the Pirates theme from last year is done and this year we’re paying tribute to the Harry Potter franchise! Yes there will be plenty of magic and butter beer a flowing at the Top 10 set this year!

- Guns
- Abortion
- Crime
- Poverty
- Chance
- 5,000
- Infowars
- Nazis
- Go Directly To Jail
- Buy A Vowel
- North Korea
- Lawsuits
- Whammy
- Donald Trump
- People Are Dumb
- ‘Merica!
- How Is This Still A Thing?
- A Random Tweet
- 10,000
- Community Chest
- Talk Shows
- Clip Without Context
- Something Random In The News
- Fox News
- Polls
- Chance
- Nukes
- Protests
- Intermission
- 15,000
- Bankrupt
- Golf
- Butter Beer
- Community Chest
- Florida (Obviously)
- This Fucking Guy
- Beating A Dead Horse
- Holy Shit
- Guacamole ($1.50 Extra)
- Harry Potter
- T-Shirt Cannon
- ? (Mystery Item)
- I Need A Drink
- Lightning Round
- Bonus Spin

Let’s get this going! Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! Something random in the news!

Russian police searching for illegal weapons in a St Petersburg house faced a scaly surprise in the basement: a two-metre (6.5ft) Nile crocodile.

Police said the reptile did not cause any injuries - but now they must find a new home for it. Russian media say the house is used by a nationalist group.

A stockpile of illegal arms was found in the raid, in the city's Peterhof suburb, RIA Novosti news reports.

It included explosive devices and copies of Kalashnikov assault rifles.


Come on, Florida. Florida’s St. Petersburg has nothing on the OG St. Petersburg. Oh yeah? Come at me bro! Spin it again! And it lands on… protests! So you know this week the Women’s March was held this week and it was a pretty awesome sight. Even our own Commander In Chief actually showered the protestors with praise. Yes, you read that correctly! Something positive coming from @realDonaldTrump!


So that happened. But then of course Trump slipped back into his usual routine of Big Macs, retweeting Fox News, and bashing democrats. So what happened at the march exactly?

A year after millions of people turned out for the Women’s March and took to the streets en masse to protest President Trump’s inauguration, demonstrators gathered on Saturday in cities across the United States, galvanized by their disdain for Mr. Trump and his administration’s policies.

A deluge of revelations about powerful men abusing women, leading to the #MeToo moment, has pushed activists to demand deeper social and political change. Progressive women are eager to build on the movement and translate their enthusiasm into electoral victories in this year’s midterm elections.

Here are some highlights:

• More than 200,000 protesters attended the march in New York on Saturday, according to Mayor Bill de Blasio. Mayor Eric Garcetti of Los Angeles said 600,000 attended the march there, while organizers of the Chicago march said 300,000 attended that event. Thousands also turned out in Washington, Philadelphia, Austin and hundreds of other cities and towns around the country and world.

• Several speakers urged women to channel their energy into helping Democrats win races in the upcoming midterm elections. A rally called “Power to the Polls,” organized by the leaders of last year’s Women’s March in Washington, will be held on Sunday in Las Vegas.

Ya see that, Trump? We’re coming for ya! And we’re also coming for your lackies! But of course every protest comes with some creative protest signs and we’re going to run down some of the best of them for you here from all over the country.


That last one is my personal favorite. So this might be one of the craziest statistics for the Women’s March. We go to the Canadian province of Nova Scotia for this one!

It might not have been the biggest women's march in the country, but by all accounts, the turnout in the remote Nova Scotia community of Sandy Cove was impressive.

The rural village, population 65, had 32 people turn out to walk along the only stretch of the highway — and the outpouring of support on social media has been pouring in.

Yeah Trump that’s right! Although to give Nova Scotia the benefit of the doubt, I’m sure the other 23 people couldn’t get their snowmobiles working! Hey o! But this thing is trending because we have the world’s biggest misogynist in the White House. Don’t worry – we’ll get to what he did with a copy of Forbes in a minute. But what would a massive protest be without some protesting coming from the opposite side?

Sandy Rios, a Religious Right radio host and American Family Association figure, said the 2018 Women’s March was “a very ugly thing” and that women who attended it “become ugly” because they “are acting outside of the realm of God’s parameters.”

On Monday, Rios was discussing news that circulated over the weekend about a FISA memo that Rep. Devin Nunes sent to Speaker Paul Ryan that right-wing activists have demanded to be declassified. Her commentary took a turn, however, when she mentioned that the second organized Women’s March also happened in major cities this weekend.

“I’m not a guy, so I don’t have to worry about my political correctness. I am ashamed of the women of my generation. I have been for a long time. I just don’t understand their foolishness and I don’t understand why more of us weren’t deeply grounded in not only God’s word, but the principles of God’s word, about the moral behavior that is beneficial to us as well as our daughters,” Rios said.

“It’s a very ugly thing. It is a very ugly thing when women behave in this way. They become ugly. They don’t become like men with all the privileges. They just become ugly, because they are not—they are acting outside of the realm of God’s parameters. And what God designed is what’s best,” Rios said.

Of course leave it to the Christian right to pee on someone’s ice cream. After all it’s their job! I mean really this is what you have to believe to be a Christian in Trump’s America. I give you our old buddy Dave Daubenmire who really turns up the crazy and goes full Hitler. Don’t ever go full Hitler:

Religious Right activist Dave Daubenmire spent a portion of his “Pass The Salt Live” webcast this morning complaining that people like Ben Shapiro, Laura Ingraham, Ann Coulter and Kellyanne Conway are hailed as conservative leaders despite the fact that they do not live what Daubenmire believes to be a proper Christian lives.

After railing that groups like Focus on the Family have been infiltrated “by homo sympathizers” and essentially neutralized, Daubenmire warned that the entire conservative movement is being infested by leaders who do not adhere to true Christian values.

Daubenmire, whose unabashed anti-Semitism is well-known, said that while Ben Shapiro is very intelligent and terrific at spreading the conservative movement’s message, he can’t fully trust anything he says because he is Jewish.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Let’s spin the wheel shall we? Wheel goes round, wheel goes round… where it stops, nobody knows! And it lands on… clip without context!

I think someone needs to educate Mr. Trump on how that whole “giving birth” thing works! Spin it again! Donald Trump. Before we get into this one, a disclaimer.

Ugh… do we really have to talk about this one? I had to take a cold shower after talking about it in rehearsals. I’m having a sit in! No, make me! Hey this is my show! Excuse me a minute! Fine, fuck it, but you owe me one, Carlos! Yes, Carlos is our executive producer here. And he’s making me tell the story of Stormy Daniels. Yeah… we know. So here’s what went down.

President Donald Trump allegedly had an adult film star spank him with a Forbes magazine featuring a picture of his face on the cover, according to email correspondence unearthed this week.

Trump's alleged former mistress, Stormy Daniels, made headlines after reports emerged earlier last week that the president's personal attorney Michael Cohen arranged a $130,000 payment to her a month before the 2016 election to keep quiet about a year-long affair with Trump.

Mother Jones uncovered further details regarding the alleged affair in a string of emails on Thursday.

Both Andrea Dubé, a New Orleans-based consultant, and a second anonymous consultant, confirmed to the New York Daily News that the emails are "100%" authentic.

Must come clean! Dirt’s not coming off! Well, on the plus side, millions of guys everywhere are now relieved that they can search for Stormy Daniels from their work PC! I don’t even want to picture a naked Trump getting spanked. But there’s more to this whole, extremely horrible story!

It had been more than 24 hours since something insane and disturbing had emerged about pornographic actress Stormy Daniels’ alleged 2006-era affair with Donald Trump, which was a long time by this fast-evolving story’s standards, but Mother Jones has now delivered the goods:

According to 2009 emails between political operatives who were at the time advising Daniels on a possible political campaign, [Daniels] claimed that her affair with Trump included an unusual act: spanking him with a copy of Forbes magazine.

The Forbes issue in question, MoJo goes on to report, may have featured Trump and his children Don Jr. and Ivanka on its cover. And when taken in context, this bizarre detail may go further to confirm Daniels’ story than anything that’s been reported elsewhere, because she apparently disclosed it casually—rather than as part of any premeditated media strategy—after someone she was working with on a potential Senate campaign (!) in Louisiana happened to see Trump’s number in her phone. From Mother Jones again:

According to a May 8, 2009, email written by an operative advising Daniels, who asked not to be identified, Daniels at one point scrolled through her cellphone contacts to provide her consultants with a list of [potential donors] … on the list: Donald Trump.

The operative later wrote the following to a professional acquaintance:

“She says one time he made her sit with him for three hours watching ‘shark week.’ Another time he had her spank him with a Forbes magazine.”

Who knew Trump was a Shark Week fan? “I love all sharks, OK? Because Sharks are the best and we all know they kill for fun!”. So let’s get this straight – the Christian right – the people who protect the “sanctity of marriage” are perfectly OK with a guy who cheats on his third wife and asks to be spanked with a copy of a magazine with his picture on it, because, Jesus. Well, just ask Mike Pence!

Vice President Mike Pence says reports that an adult film star had an alleged affair with President Trump are "baseless allegations."

Pence spoke to The Associated Press during a visit to Jerusalem on Monday. He said he was "not going to comment on the latest baseless allegations against the president."

The Wall Street Journal reported that Mr. Trump's personal lawyer brokered a payment to pornographic actress Stormy Daniels in October 2016 to prohibit her from publicly discussing the alleged affair before the presidential election.

Daniels' real name is Stephanie Clifford. Mr. Trump's attorney, Michael Cohen, has denied there was any relationship. He gave the Journal a statement from "Stormy Daniels" denying receiving "hush money."

That GIF of him with the microphone suddenly seems very dirty doesn’t it? But here’s the best part about this – when you suddenly become Trump famous, as Stormy Daniels did, where is the best place to go? Why… a strip club! And it was quite the party!

Year two of the Trump presidency began here overnight much like year one had ended: with his alleged ex-mistress smashing people's faces into her bare chest at a strip club between an airport and a cemetery.

Adult film star Stormy Daniels, who once claimed to have slept with Donald Trump not long after he married Melania, performed at 11 p.m. Saturday - the anniversary of his inauguration - and 1 a.m. Sunday here on the outskirts of town.

"HE SAW HER LIVE," the Trophy Club's flier said. "YOU CAN TOO!"

The federal government remained shut down, but Daniels was open for business.

She had received $130,000 in hush money days before the 2016 election as part of a payment arranged by a Trump attorney, according to the Wall Street Journal. And now Daniels was capitalizing on her new notoriety sparked by the revelation, though Trump's attorney had issued a statement in which he and Daniels denied the payment and, on Saturday night, Daniels was largely silent in that regard.


Dude republicans, allow me to teach you about what a sex scandal is. Sure, what Bill Clinton did or was accused of doing was bad, but this guy is the president and did this! So where’s the family values crowd at to denounce what Trump did? I know! Just ask Franklin Graham!

William Franklin Graham III, the son of evangelical televangelist Billy Graham, denied any hypocrisy from Christians supporting President Donald Trump.

Graham, the president and CEO of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, was questioned by MSNBC “Live” anchor Alex Witt on Saturday.

Witt asked Graham how he could support President Trump after his sh*thole comments.

“He said he didn’t say it,” Graham said. “I don’t think any of those senators, if he did use that language, have heard that word for the first time. I’m sure that’s a word they’ve used before, I think there’s a little hypocrisy here.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

Let’s spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy stop! Butter beer! Come on let’s bring that shit out!

Yeah because my beer needs more sugar and fat in it! Let’s try this… Mmm! Man I needed that after that last entry! All right, spin it again! And it lands on… Donald Trump. Again? Yeah he’s in the news about 100 times a day every day. So when you’re faced with the threat of a government shut down, and you’re president Donald J. Trump, what do you do? I know! Throw a $50K a plate ass kissing fundraising shindig! And from that last entry, we all know how much Trump loves his ass getting kissed, right?

With the government shut down, President Donald Trump isn't going to Mar-a-Lago as he planned for his high-dollar fundraiser Saturday night.

But the party for supporters to celebrate the one-year anniversary of his inauguration will still go on, according to a person involved with the fundraiser.

Given the impasse on government spending, planners of the event were told it's unlikely Trump will make it to West Palm Beach to attend it himself.

Instead, Trump's son and daughter-in-law, Eric and Lara Trump, and Republican National Committee Chairwoman Ronna McDaniel will now be headlining the fundraising gala, another person familiar with the event told CNN. The President will address the event via a video message he recorded Saturday at the White House, a person familiar with the video says.

Yes talk about excessive greed being on display here. I mean come on, your government run by your party has been shut down, because, reasons. And what are you doing but enjoying getting your ass kissed? And I hope that’s all the Mar-A-Shithole patrons are doing! But like all things Trump does, it went south very quickly. And here’s why.

A customer slammed Mar-a-Lago as a disgrace after a culinary faux pas this weekend.

On Sunday, Instagram user vacayinbae posted a photo apparently taken at Mar-a-Lago's restaurant. President Donald Trump has owned Mar-a-Lago since the 1980s, and frequently visits the restort.

"I hate to do this, but this is a total #disgrace , #shame on #maralago , you can’t serve caviar with plastic spoons!" the caption reads. "Please offer your caviar with mother of pearl spoons and dishes!"

Oh come on… plastic spoons with expensive caviar? I mean come on, knowing Trump would he even serve expensive caviar? He’d probably go get Angry Norweigian brand caviar from Costco and try to pass it off as his own, I mean look who we’re talking about here. I mean would you be shocked to learn that he rented his own ballroom to himself?

President Donald Trump's posh Mar-a-Lago Club is set to host a high-priced gala on Saturday night intended to celebrate Trump's first year in office and raise money for his reelection campaign and the Republican National Committee.

Tickets start at $100,000 per couple, Bloomberg News reported.

The guest of honor, however, will not be there. With the government shut down and Congress in negotiations, Trump postponed his scheduled departure from Washington. But he will still make money.

By holding the event at his own club, Trump will be able to collect tens of thousands of dollars in fees for food, ballroom rental and other costs. In effect, he will have transformed his supporters' political donations into revenue for his business.

Thanks Twilight Zone guy, but we don’t have to imagine it. It’s already here! So we already showed you that the $50K a plate dinner gets you cheap caviar served with a spork! Well it’s slightly more classy than a plastic spoon! And we all know how much Trump loves KFC. But wait, there’s more! So much more!

President Donald Trump is hosting a party at his Mar-a-Lago resort to mark the first anniversary of his inauguration this weekend, and tickets aren’t cheap, starting at $100,000 a pair.

That $100,000 buys dinner as well as a photo with Trump during the Saturday party, according to an invitation to the event reported by Bloomberg. Spend $250,000 for a pair of tickets and you also get an opportunity to participate in a roundtable.

It remains to be seen what happens to the party if Congress fails to avert a government shutdown by a Friday night deadline. Trump had planned to spend the weekend in Mar-a-Lago, but the White House said Friday morning that he won’t leave Washington if the government shuts down.

The captain’s table? What an honor! Yes, thank you sir! One guy in the audience going “woo!”. But wait, there’s more! So apparently Mar-A-Lago isn’t exactly a shithole, at least according to Fox News Barbie, Jeanine Pirro (now with 50% more safe spaces!) :

Jeanine Pirro, host of Fox News Channel's Justice with Judge Jeanine, opened her remarks to the packed ballroom with a poke at the profane word the president allegedly used do describe Haiti and countries in Africa.

"Welcome to Mar-a-Lago. A magnificent place. It sure ain't no s***hole!"

Pirro spoke for about 15 mintues and inspired a rally-like response of “Lock her up!” with her criticism of Hillary Clinton.

Pirro’s praise of the president’s decision to move the U.S. embassy to Jerusalem drew applause and brought some guests to their feet. Pirro called out the Justice Department as corrupt and said a Clinton presidency would have destroyed America.

By the way in case you’re wondering what the costs to fly Trump back and forth to Mar-A-Shithole are, well, these numbers were just released:

And you thought your New Year’s Eve was pricey.

The Secret Service spent $26,457.28 to rent lights, generators, tables and tents from companies near President Donald Trump’s Florida estate, signing contracts that all ended early in the new year.

Five lease contracts between three Palm Beach companies—C3 Consulting Group, Grimes Events & Party Tents and United Rentals—and the government agency charged with protecting the president ended January 2, according to records from the Federal Procurement Data System. A sixth contract ended January 1.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

Let’s spin that shit! Wheel goes round, wheel goes round… and it lands on… clip without context!

Because that was the real underlying meaning of what MLK was trying to say – go fuck yourself! Yeah thank you! Spin it again! Donald Trump! Really? That’s three in a row now! I thought the wheel was supposed to be random, no? So we wanted to do this last week but finished with the edition before the story went to press. Donald Trump’s physical was released and would you be surprised that he’s lying about it?

President Trump is in excellent health with "no indication" of "any cognitive issues" — but he could afford to lose a few pounds and start exercising over the coming year, according to the president's physician.

Dr. Ronny Jackson, a Navy rear admiral who directs the White House medical unit, conducted Trump's annual physical last Friday. He told reporters on Tuesday that the president's cardiac health is strong and that there are no concerns about any memory or cognitive issues.

"I found no evidence that the president has any issues whatsoever with his thought process," Jackson told reporters during Tuesday's White House briefing.

Well yeah he actually is wrong in this case! I mean how can he be the healthiest man in the world and say that with a straight face? “I’m the healthiest man in the world, OK? Nobody is healthier than I am! Can I have another Big Mac please? Oh there’s where I found the remote!” .

A White House physician declared Tuesday that President Donald Trump is in “excellent” overall health and that he performed “well” on a cognitive screening exam, while noting the commander in chief could benefit from a low-fat diet and additional exercise.

“All clinical data indicates that the president is currently very healthy and that he will remain so for the duration of his presidency,” Dr. Ronny Jackson said at the daily White House news briefing during a nearly hourlong question-and-answer period with reporters.

Jackson added that during the physical on Friday at the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center, he performed some cognitive testing at the president's behest and that Trump “did well on it.” He noted the exam was limited to a screening for cognitive impairment and was not part of a larger psychological examination.

Trump, according to Jackson, is 6-foot-3, 239 pounds. The doctor said that he and Trump discussed losing weight and exercising, which he recommended, and that the president expressed “he would like to lose 10 to 15 pounds.”

Well yeah obviously! I mean have you seen the guy? Dude can barely waddle up a hill trying to chase a golf ball! And I mean come on, anyone who eats 2500 calories worth of McDonalds in one sitting can’t be what one would call “petite”. But seriously how reliable is the White House doctor?

The numbers don’t lie, unless they do. After much resistance and under increasing pressure, President Trump’s White House this week allowed Rear Admiral Ronny Jackson, the White House doctor, to release results from a physical examination.

How’d Trump do? Well, that’s tricky to answer. Trump’s opposition and the media have been asking two fundamentally impolite questions for years: Is he fat? And is he nuts? As a candidate and as president, Trump has accused his opponents of mental and physical illness. Normal presidencies tend to release medical records to journalists who cover that beat. But last year wasn’t a normal campaign, and this hasn’t been a normal presidency.

Whether the president is healthy has consequences on the stability of the nation, but that knowledge has been hard to come by. Complicating things further, the answers to those impolite but salient questions aren’t, it turns out, straightforward—for anyone, not just a president.

OK so maybe Trump is healthy. Or isn’t he? I mean come on, all we want to do is see his long form girth certificate! Does Trump weigh 239 pounds or is he fatter than a house? We don’t know! I’m just asking questions here, damn it! I want to know about Trump’s weight! I’m a girther! Excuse me a minute… I love that graphic! But what about his mental health? Surely there’s something there!

WASHINGTON — President Trump’s White House physician said Tuesday that the president received a perfect score on a cognitive test designed to screen for neurological impairment, which the military doctor said was evidence that Mr. Trump does not suffer from mental issues that prevent him from functioning in office.

“I’ve found no reason whatsoever to think the president has any issues whatsoever with his thought processes,” Dr. Ronny L. Jackson, a rear admiral in the Navy and the White House physician, told reporters on Tuesday.

Mr. Trump’s first physical examination as president was highly anticipated, in part because of an increasing number of public questions about his sometimes erratic behavior during his first year in office. A book published this month, “Fire and Fury” by Michael Wolff, asserted that even Mr. Trump’s own advisers and associates questioned the president’s fitness for office.

Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait. Wait. Wait. So you’re saying that there’s nothing wrong with his mental health either? He’s just naturally a raging asshole? Well I guess a diet of cheeseburgers, well done steak and Fox News on the TV 24/7 will do that to you! But how is he the healthiest man alive? This is beyond science!

The results of President Trump’s first formal medical exam since taking office were announced Tuesday, and the big news was that the physician involved, Navy Rear Adm. Ronny L. Jackson, said the 71-year-old president received a perfect score on a cognitive test. However, other announced results were also of interest, particularly to those who couldn’t help but notice that Trump was listed at 6-3 and 239 pounds.

Of course, sports fans are often very well-versed in athletes’ heights and weights, and they are aware that those listed numbers don’t always precisely correlate with reality. For example, Kevin Durant is famously taller than his listed height of 6-9, and toward the end of his playing days, Shaquille O’Neal was widely thought to be far heavier than his listed weight of 324 pounds.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
[br] [/font]

Spin it to win it! And it lands on… wait for it… Intermission!

And we’re back! Spin it again! Holy Shit! Hit it! Gather around, it’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate! Because our mission statement here at the Top 10 is to find out why the holiest among us are also the ones who are the most full of:

So of course my fair sons and daughters, you know by now that our mission statement here at the Holy Church Of The Top 10 is to find out why the most devoted of us are also the most batshit fucking crazy! So the Christian right reached an unparalleled new low this week. And you know how it’s a new low? Because excessive greed is involved! I give you Pastor Kenneth J. Copeland!

Texas televangelist Kenneth Copeland once called flying in a commercial airplane “getting in a long tube with a bunch of demons.”

His answer to a prayer arrived last week in the form of a sleek Gulfstream V private jet that Kenneth Copeland Ministries bought — for cash — from actor and filmmaker Tyler Perry.

The ministry did not disclose the purchase price. But AV Buyer says it has the “lowest-priced Gulfstream V on the market” listed at $5.9 million, while other used ones are listed on various websites for up to $12 million and more.

The jet, one church member said, is “the plane the Lord had set aside” for the ministry, based in Newark, Texas.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Yeah so while many of us are hurting, Pastor Snowflake rides around in a private jet paid for by generous contributions! And by the way, I guarantee there’s no rewards program for that! Because GREED IS A SIN! AND SINS MUST BE CLEANSED IN THE NAME OF JAYSUS!!!! CAN I GET AN AMEN???? But changing subjects, we need to talk about the movie industry for a minute! Yes – not even movies are immune!

Having last week railed against the film “The Shape Of Water” for supposedly promoting “cross-species mating,” extremist anti-LGBTQ pastor Kevin Swanson turned his attention to the newest Star Wars film, “The Last Jedi,” on today’s radio program.

Predictably, Swanson was not impressed with the film’s “feminist edge” or its basic “violation of the biblical ordinance that the husband is head of the wife.”

“The feminists are head over heels in love with this one,” Swanson lamented. “It’s a bit of a feminist fest with very little artistic story telling involved … It was a great vehicle to continue to educate the world towards feminism, and feminism is ultimately the individuation of the family, the destruction of the family, and the violation of the biblical ordinance that the husband is head of the wife. So that is fundamentally being eroded in the minds of our 13-and 14-year-old girls as they watch these movies.”

Yes you get nothing! Because even the Lord Baby Jesus, creator of all that is good and holy, has had quite enough of your nonsense, there, Kevin. And someone want to point out to Pastor Kevin that The Last Jedi is a fucking movie? Thank you! By the way how great is the Top 10 Gospel Choir? Can I get an amen for them? So let’s change subjects again. Our good buddy Alex Jones is also apparently on the side of GAWD!!! Because apparently Trump is no longer a member of the illuminati!

Today President Trump delivered a speech via satellite to anti-choice protesters at the annual March for Life in Washington, which conspiracy theorist radio host Alex Jones interpreted to be irrefutable proof that Trump is not a member of the Illuminati.

On Infowars radio today, Jones told listeners that the supposed globalist regime running the world are supportive of abortion rights because “it’s their whole cult, it’s their whole system.” Trump showing support for March for Life attendees, Jones derived, erases all doubt that Trump is a member of the Illuminati, a supposed secret society that colludes to run the world.

“When you go after that like he’s doing, there is no way he’s with the Illuminati. There’s no way he’s with this system. There is no way, no way, and he’d be doing this. Zero. Zero,” Jones said.

Jones went on to explain that both he and “the churches” already had a gut feeling that Trump was not part of the secret cabal ruling the world, before incorrectly retelling the biblical tale of King David.

Yes, even JAYSUS is saying that is a cool story bro! Because really Alex, how do you know if Trump is still in the illuminati or not? That’s what they want you to think! While staying on the subject of the March For Life, would it surprise you that the people who are against abortion know nothing about science? Because ignorance is a sin in the church of the Top 10!

Yesterday, in another nod to anti-abortion-rights activists, President Trump issued a proclamation declaring the 45th anniversary of the Roe v. Wade decision to be “National Sanctity of Human Life Day.” It seems safe to say that the president did not even read the proclamation, much less have any hand in writing it, as it offers various lofty thoughts about equality and dignity that are at odds with the president’s policy priorities of preventing immigration from “shithole countries,” turning away refugees and dismantling the health care system.

Trump has given the anti-choice movement his support for their agenda of criminalizing abortion. In return, the movement has given up any credibility it might have had in portraying itself as concerned for human rights and dignity. But all that is brushed under the rug in yesterday’s proclamation, which begins with a declaration of the “love and protection” that “each person, born and unborn, deserves regardless of disability, gender, appearance, or ethnicity” and an insistence that “no class of people should ever be discarded as ‘non-human’”:

Because IGNORANCE IS A SIN!!!!! AND SINS MUST BE CLEANSED IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY! CAN I GET AN AMEN??? But while on the subject of abortion, are these the people we really want running the HHS? I can say they are the devil!

At the Evangelicals for Life conference in Washington, D.C., on Thursday, Travis Wussow of the Southern Baptists’ Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission asked a panel to talk about wins for abortion-rights opponents in President Trump’s first year.

Focus on the Family’s Vice President for External Relations Tim Goeglein said the biggest win was the nomination and confirmation of Supreme Court Justice Neil Gorsuch, whose swearing-in Goeglein attended. Goeglein also celebrated the number of Trump-nominated judges who have been confirmed by the U.S. Senate. There has never been, he said, “in the history of the presidency,” another year in which a president had 12 judges confirmed to the appeals courts. (The Senate Judiciary Committee this week continued its rush to approve even the most extreme and dangerously unqualified Trump nominees.) The confirmation of so many “pro-life” judges “less than a year into the Trump-Pence presidency,” he said, will make an “enormous” impact in the short, medium and long term.

Charles Camosy, an associate professor at Fordham University, celebrated the movement’s state-level wins, calling Ohio “a tremendous example”:

Ohio banned abortion after 20 weeks. Ohio banned abortion in the case where there was a Down Syndrome finding. And I think just last week I saw that their Senate passed a bill that will require pre-natal children to be buried the same as other kinds of children. We hope that passes as well.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Oh Jaysus! People who are the exact opposite of health providers are running the department of Health And Human Services! So there you have it! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]The Alt Right
[br] [/font]

Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin shall we? And it lands on… wait for it… clip without context!

Cool story bro. Spin it again! And it lands on… The Alt Right. So unless you’re living under a rock you know that transgender activist Chelsea Manning has officially filed to be on the ballot for senator of Maryland in 2018. Now don’t applaud just yet! You should be aware of what it is you’re getting into should you decide to cast your vote for her!

Chelsea Manning, the transgender former Army private who was convicted of passing sensitive government documents to Wikileaks, has filed to run for the U.S. Senate in Maryland, according to federal election filings.

Manning, who did not immediately respond to a request for comment, would be challenging Ben Cardin, who has served two terms in the Senate. He was first elected in 2007.

Manning, 30, who is formerly known as Bradley Manning, was convicted in 2013 of the largest leak of classified documents in U.S. history and was sentenced to 35 years in prison. Last year, then President Obama commuted Manning’s sentence and she was released from a military prison.

Read more: https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/md-politics/chelsea-manning-files-to-run-for-us-senate-in-maryland/2018/01/13/6439f0d0-f88c-11e7-beb6-c8d48830c54d_story.html

In case you’re wondering that senate seat is currently occupied by Ben Cardin who also happens to be a member of the Senate Intelligence Committee. Gee, I wonder why Ms. Manning picked that particular seat? It’s not like she has a history of leaking classified intelligence documents or anything. Apparently though if you oppose her run, you also have an old white man fetish!

According to Glenn Greenwald this is absolutely the case because:

“ . . . Democrats [have] so quickly decided to back a white, straight male politician steeped in privilege, while devoting themselves to opposing a candidate who would make history by becoming the first trans woman ever elected to the U.S. Senate, in the process inspiring trans youth around the world and helping to erode the stigma that has made them so vulnerable to discrimination and violence?”

They’ve decided to do this presumably because they find Cardin’s centrist ideology and politics more appealing than Manning’s more radical politics, and believe that this trumps what could be the historic value of Manning’s candidacy. They’ve apparently decided to prioritize their own centrist ideology over the important gender, sexual orientation and trans equality progress that Manning’s victory would ensure.”

Yes that is completely unacceptable, ass! I mean really, Glenn? You have to go there? But it’s good to know that Ms. Manning has made some good friends – and you know what they say about judging people by the company they keep!

Chelsea Manning was caught mingling with Project Veritas’ James O’Keefe and a handful of hard right media strategists at a Hell’s Kitchen nightclub.

The event Manning and O’Keefe briefly spoke at was a gala hosted by conservative reporter Mike Cernovich—a regular host on Alex Jones’ Info Wars who previously peddled the Pizzagate conspiracy theory. In addition to O’Keefe and Cernovich, Manning met with former Vice Media co-founder Gavin Mcinnes, who launched the nationalist organization Proud Boys in 2016.

Guests at the event were predominately supporters of President Donald Trump.

“I fucking crashed!” Manning told Observer when asked whether her appearance at the party contradicted her platform as a leader of the anti-Trump resistance.

“Hell yeah!” Manning enthusiastically added.


Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!I wouldn’t exactly brag about hanging out with those clowns Cernovich and O’Keefe, there, Ms. Manning because they are what one would call “hostile”. But there is an underlying motive here! Apparently Ms. Manning was doing it to “collect intel”. Odd choice of words before committing political suicide there!

Chelsea Manning, the former whistleblower who is now running for the US Senate, is defending herself against accusations that she has forged links with the far right after she appeared at a pro-Trump party thrown by notorious conspiracy theorist Mike Cernovich.

In a tweet posted on Monday, Manning attempted to calm a storm of criticism that erupted after she was spotted at the Saturday event, dubbed “A Night for Freedom”, in New York. She insisted that her decision to turn up at the celebration of Donald Trump’s first year in the White House was an act of intelligence gathering designed to thwart what she called “fascists/alt-right”.

“I took an opportunity to gather intel on them b/c the ideology they peddle threatens everybody,” the tweet said.

Whether Manning has said enough to staunch the critical questions on social media remains to be seen. Her tweet made no mention of a photograph that was posted over the weekend that shows her crouching and smiling as part of a group shot that includes far-right activists and conspiracy theorists.

Oh yeah and in case you're wondering what *REALLY* happened when Chelsea partied with the alt right, or alt lite, or hard right, or whatever fucking name they're known by this week. Whatever, I don't care about these assholes. They are not our friends. But here's what happened:

Fairbanks asked the group whether it was alright to bring Manning. They were happy to have her. Mic was told by those in attendance, as well as Manning’s campaign staff, that she was never fully briefed on exactly who she would be hanging out with.

To call the attendees of the gala part of the “alt-right” is a delicate category error. The event was held by the leaders of the “alt-lite” or “new right,” a loose coalition of pro-Trump internet celebrities and new media stuntmen who, while avowedly anti-white nationalist, nevertheless advance anti-black, anti-Muslim and anti-immigrant talking points. Mike Cernovich, the party’s headlining host, built his reputation as a rape apologist blogger, was once charged with sexual assault and also famously advanced the “pizzagate” conspiracy theory.

For many on the left watching from home, however, the damage was done. By attending the event at all, Manning set herself up for accusations of co-signing a gala of pseudo-fascists and white supremacists.

Those on the right, on the other hand, were quick to brag about how civil they’d been to Manning, even as her Twitter mentions filled to the brim with transphobic abuse. For those who always considered Manning a traitor, the photos were evidence that she was a pox on progressive politics all along. And for purportedly left-leaning conspiracy theorists, the event became a part of a broader plot.

Fairbanks told Mic she’s now wracked with guilt, blaming herself for the damage and for pulling a vulnerable friend past the cameras and straight into a public relations catastrophe.

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[font size="8"]The State Of Hawaii
[br] [/font]

Spin it to win it! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy stop! Chance!

$200!! Whew! I got my money!!! Spin it again! And it lands on… nukes! So as you know the State Of Hawaii has been in a bit of trouble over last week’s short lived Hawaii Missile Crisis. Yes, it’s a feature so big it has its’ own name and theme music. So now that the aftermath of the 30 insane minutes has begun to unfold, where do you go from there?

The governor of Hawaii wanted to inform the public that they would not die in a ballistic missile attack — but he forgot his Twitter password.

Gov. David Ige said Sunday that he could not access his Twitter account on the morning of Jan. 13 — while Hawaiians were reeling after receiving the false emergency missile alert on their cellphones.

“I have to confess that I don’t know my Twitter account log-ons and the passwords,” Ige said, according to the Honolulu Star-Advertiser.

“So certainly that’s one of the changes that I’ve made. I’ve been putting that on my phone so that we can access the social media directly.”

Seventeen minutes after the ballistic missile alert was sent to millions, the Hawaii Emergency Management Agency released a follow-up alert telling people it was a mistake.

Yeah you know of all the times you could have forgot your Twitter password, you pick that fucking time? I mean really? As if things couldn’t be more embarrassing enough, it’s great to see that the people of Hawaii are spending what could have been their last few minutes very wisely!

One Catholic family turned immediately to the rosary and the Blessed Mother for protection, and there were reports that as the dust began to settle from the panic, there were full pews for Sunday Mass the following day and long lines for Confession.

The Catholic parish attended by Dallas and Monica Carter and their five children in the Diocese of Honolulu was packed, a Catholic News Agency report said.

And aside from a full church that Sunday morning, the line for Confession was out the door, Dallas Carter said, with their friends from other parishes throughout the island reporting the same.

It’s something Carter has nicknamed #MissileConversions.


Well at least going to a Catholic confession isn’t the worst way you could spend your final hours if those really are your final hours! There’s far worse believe me, and Hawaii is an insight into what could happen if actual missiles were deployed. I bet the priests heard some whoppers. But then there’s this!

Well, that’s one way to celebrate not being killed in a nuclear blast.

Pornhub has gone viral in recent years for stunts like “plowing” snow-covered streets during blizzards. But lately, the site has also done more work with data: its end-of-year survey found that most Americans stopped masturbating during the August solar eclipse.

In its latest bit of probing analysis, Pornhub analyzed its traffic performance during last weekend’s missile alert in Hawaii. Not surprisingly, once the alert went out, the amount of visitors to the site plummeted. Within 15 minutes of the missile notification, traffic was down 77 percent compared to the previous two Saturdays.

But once the islanders realized it was a false alarm, they swarmed Pornhub to celebrate. Fifteen minutes after the second text went out, site traffic was up 48 percent compared to a typical Saturday.

Whew! False alarm people! We can go back to whacking it! Yeah! But it’s good to know the United States has made some good friends under the Trump administration! Because while Hawaii was in a state of pure panic and they should be, we’ve got some great friends up there in North Korea. Bet you didn’t think it was gonna be him, did you? And you think you’re so smart!

North Korean state media has issued a release mocking the US for having "nuclear-phobia" after several coincidental news stories has US citizens fearing a North Korean attack.

"Nuclear-phobia by the nuclear force of the DPRK has now caused a tragicomedy in the U.S.," a state-run outlet published, using the acronym for North Korea's formal name.

The article cites the recent errant ballistic missile alert in Hawaii as causing "great disarray" and "chaos." Likewise, a meteor that lit up the skies over Ohio and Michigan made people "greatly worried" that they were under nuclear attack, the article claims.


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[font size="8"]Mark Taylor
[br] [/font]

Spin that shit! No whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy stop! And it lands on… another clip without context!

Quick! To the pedophile mobile! Spin it again! And it lands on – This Fucking Guy!

I know we already did “Holy Shit” for this week, but I got to award this week’s “This Fucking Guy” award to Mark Taylor. In case you are wondering who the hell Mark Taylor is, he’s a batshit crazy ultra far right religious activist who calls himself a “fire fighter prophet”. Yeah that’s a thing apparently. And he says batshit crazy stuff like this:

Last Thursday, self-proclaimed “firefighter prophet” and right-wing conspiracy theorist Mark Taylor made yet another appearance on Sheila Zilinsky’s “Weekend Vigilante” podcast, where he claimed that former presidents might be executed as punishment from God for criticizing President Trump.

Citing his previous prophecy that of the five living former presidents, “two will be taken, three will be shaken” as retribution from God for supposedly attacking Trump when they gathered for an event to raise money for hurricane relief last year, Taylor linked that to his other prophecy that America will soon see the establishment of “military-style tribunals to deal with the treasonous acts that are being committed right now in the United States.”

Taylor claimed that these five presidents, whom he referred to as “the evil crew of 32,” based on the number of years they collectively held office, had made a covenant with Baal and the “New World Order/Illuminati” and now would be punished for attacking God’s anointed leader, Donald Trump.

“God’s judgment is literally falling,” Taylor said. “It’s not coming, it’s falling right now on these leaders across America and the church, these wicked leaders, and so the Lord is dealing out this righteous judgment.”

Yeah I think even Jesus is speechless at this one. So tell me Mark, which of the five presidents do you see being bumped off? Yeah I knew you wouldn’t answer that question! But this isn’t the only batshit crazy thing Mark has said. Even this week, or ever. You know the far right and Alt Right always need a boogeyman. Whether it’s the deep state, or the new world order, or the Illuminati. But according to Mark, a Hillary Clinton presidency would immediately surrender!

During his appearance on the “Omega Man Radio” program earlier this week, self-proclaimed “firefighter prophet” and right-wing conspiracy theorist Mark Taylor declared that if Hillary Clinton had been elected president in 2016, she would have handed America over to the New World Order and our nation would have been fully “Islamicized by 2021.”

“People keep saying America is under judgment,” Taylor said. “No it’s not, and I can tell you why. If America was under judgment, brother, Hillary Clinton would be the president and this thing would be over with.”

Taylor claimed that it was the stated goal of the New World Order/deep state/shadow government/Free Masons to turn America into a Muslim nation by 2021 and that Clinton would have finished the work started by President Obama.

You know one thing the religious right loves to do is role play. They have Roy Moore, who thinks he’s a cowboy. They have Dave Daubenmire, who thinks he’s a coach. And they also have Mark Taylor, who thinks he’s a fire fighter. Now just add a guy who thinks he’s a native American and you’ve got the Village People! Thank you! I love that graphic. But hey did you know that Obama might be arrested for treason? This year? We didn’t!

Self-proclaimed “firefighter prophet” and right-wing conspiracy theorist Mark Taylor was recently interviewed by Steve Strang for his Charisma magazine podcast, where he predicted that Barack Obama will soon be imprisoned for treason and that three members of the Supreme Court will be indicted and removed from office.

Taylor claims that he wrote a prophetic word in 2015 that “God was going to take down the Clintons and He is also going to take down Obama as well, Obama was going to be ripped and stripped of the presidency. Now, a lot of people thought that was going to be him being impeached and that is not what I sensed the Lord was saying. It was going to be after he was out of office, he would be charged with treason and he would end up going to prison for this, in which case he would be stripped of all titles of the presidency and I believe that is what you are going to see happen at this point.”

Taylor added that his prophecy that President Trump will get to replace five members of the Supreme Court may be tied to his other prophecy that Trump is about to unleash a wave of arrests against thousands of corrupt officials, many of whom are part of a massive satanic pedophile ring.

No, Mark, Jesus did not die for your stupidity. He died for your sins. Yes sins! And that's not even the craziest thing he's said this week! Mark is blaming the backlash on Trump because of - wait for it - hurricanes! Yes, he says that hurricanes might be god taking his wrath on people for daring to criticize Trump!

During his most recent appearance on Sheila Zilinsky’s “Weekend Vigilante” podcast, self-proclaimed “firefighter prophet” and right-wing conspiracy theorist Mark Taylor claimed that the hurricanes that struck the United States last year were “a training run” to prepare “the army of God” to exercise control over the witchcraft that is attacking President Trump.

Taylor repeated his contention that Hurricanes Harvey and Irma were created by the Illuminati as part of an “all-out assault on man,” but that God’s army fought back in the spiritual world and prevented Irma from devastating Florida.

“They have declared war on the people,” he said. “Witchcraft is behind the deep state, it is behind the shadow government, they are in the highest form of witchcraft on earth. So it is witchcraft that is behind this.”

Taylor asserted that prior to Irma’s landfall, forecasters struggled to predict its path because the storm was constantly shifting due to the spiritual warfare that was being waged between the witchcraft behind the storm and the Christians who were praying against it.

I love how they go from the image of an all knowing, all loving, extremely powerful god, to god is a hateful bastard in the span of one sentence! But even with all the crazy shit that Mark has said even in the last week, I think this might be the topper!

On Tuesday, self-proclaimed “firefighter prophet” and right-wing conspiracy theorist Mark Taylor appeared on the “Omega Man Radio” program, where he claimed that his prayers caused Hillary Clinton to collapse while leaving a 9/11 memorial service in 2016, which, he said, caused her to lose the presidential election.

Urging “the army of God” to come together “as a fighting force” on behalf of President Trump, Taylor cited the Clinton incident as proof of just how effective their prayers can be in winning political battles.

As Taylor tells it, he was asked by Mary Colbert to lead a nationwide prayer call on September 11, 2016, which he did by launching “a target focused prayer” asking God to “remove all those that are corrupt in our government and in leadership across this country, at every level of government.”

There you have it. A guy who thinks he’s a fire fighter urging people who think they’re warriors to fight for Trump. You really can’t make this shit up! That’s Mark Taylor, this week’s:

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
[br] [/font]

Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin, shall we? Go directly to jail? Noooooooooooo!!!!!!


Let’s spin the wheel again! And it lands on: People Are Dumb! Hit it!

So who is dumb this week? There’s lots of ways we could go with this! I know let’s start in the great state of Rhode Island. Yes – no state or country anywhere is immune from stupid people. And this guy in particular is a rapper and one of his more popular songs is called “Sell Drugz” and you know what he was arrested for? He was arrested for – wait for it!

PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) -- A Rhode Island rapper whose songs include "Sell Drugsz" has been sentenced to three years in prison for doing just that.

Federal prosecutors say 30-year-old Michael Persaud, of Johnston, was sentenced Tuesday in federal court in Providence for trafficking heroin and fentanyl. His stage name is Montana Millz.

Prosecutors say an East Providence undercover detective bought nearly three-quarters of an ounce (22 grams) of fentanyl and a small amount of heroin from Persaud over a four-month period beginning in October 2016. Authorities also say they seized 1½ ounces (44 grams) of fentanyl from his home.

Persaud's lawyer, Matthew Smith, calls the sentence "fair and just." Prosecutors had asked for a six-year prison term.

Read more: http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/U/US_SELL_DRUGSZ_RIOL-?SITE=MOCAP&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

Well, can’t fault the guy for a little truth in advertising! Really it doesn’t hurt anybody. Next in People Are Dumb – we go to the country of Thailand for this one. Yes, Thailand, the country synonymous with the happy ending, decided that it had enough of people going directly to the Prime Minister, so instead they came up with this rather ingenious solution:

Thailand's prime minister has taken a novel approach to avoiding questions at a news conference, by leaving a cardboard cutout to do the job.

Prayuth Chan-ocha briefly spoke to an audience outside Government House in Bangkok, before the life-sized replica was brought out.

"If you want to ask any questions on politics or conflict, ask this guy," Mr Prayuth said, then walked away waving.

Mr Prayuth led a military coup in 2014 and was named PM later that year.


And that said, the cardboard cut out still has more charisma than @realDonaldTrump. Thank you! But you know who else is dumb? How about technology! Yes, now you can track how fast you see a fart coming in real time on your smart phone! Science!

Scientists often hope to break ground with their research. But a group of Australian researchers would likely be happy with breaking wind.

The team developed an ingestible electronic capsule to monitor gas levels in the human gut. When it’s paired with a pocket-sized receiver and a mobile phone app, the pill reports tail-wind conditions in real time as it passes from the stomach to the colon. The researchers, led by Kourosh Kalantar-Zadeh of RMIT University and Peter Gibson of Monash University, reported their invention Monday in Nature Electronics.

The authors are optimistic that the capsule’s gas readings can help clear the air over the inner workings of our intricate innards and the multitudes of microbes they contain. Such fume data could clarify the conditions of each section of the gut, what microbes are up to, and which foods may cause problems in the system. Until now, collecting such data has been a challenge. Methods to bottle it involved cumbersome and invasive tubing and inconvenient whole-body calorimetry. Popping the electronic pill is a breeze in comparison. And early human trials have already hinted that the pill can provide new information about intestinal wind patterns and gaseous turbulence from different foods.

Next up in People Are Dumb, you know how those pharmaceutical ads always rattle off a million side effects from taking whatever drug they’re advertising? I don’t remember ever hearing this in those Viagra ads!

A NAKED tourist has been arrested after overdosing on Viagra before running around naked at an international airport.

United States resident Steve Cho wandered through the departure hall of Phuket International Airport in Thailand before stripping naked, yelling incoherently and throwing his own faeces at staff and terrified members of the public.

A statement from Phuket International Airport said: ‘’To control the situation and to prevent any danger that might happen to other passengers, the officers had to arrest the man.

‘’When he regained his composure he admitted that he took too many Viagra pills and lost consciousness."

Side effects of Viagra include streaking through an airport. Some other patients may experience the urge to throw their poo at unsuspecting people. Do not take if you experience this. Next up – our good friend Florida Man is back in the news! and you know what people – don’t mistake a bank drive through for a Taco Bell.

SPRING HILL — A 38-year-old Tampa man was arrested Wednesday on a charge of driving under the influence involving drugs or alcohol after deputies said he mistook a Bank of America drive-through for a Taco Bell.

The branch manager of the Mariner Boulevard bank said they saw Douglas Jon Francisco passed out in his blue Hyundai sedan while it sat in the drive-up bank lane, according to the Hernando County Sheriff’s Office. This was about 5 p.m. on Wednesday.

The manager said they started banging on the Hyundai’s window "for some time," according a deputy’s report, before Francisco finally woke up.

Then Francisco tried to order a burrito, deputies said. When Claussen told he was not, in fact, at a Taco Bell, deputies said he drove to the front parking lot. When deputies arrived, they said they found Francisco in the driver’s seat, the car still running.

Excuse me a minute… That was a perfect clip there! And finally this week for People Are Dumb – donuts! I reported on this guy a while ago, but in case you were wondering “where are they now”? I give you this!

There was a hole in his plan.

A former doughnut-eating champion was arrested in North Carolina last week after police said he broke into a Dunkin’ Donuts, the Virginian-Pilot newspaper reported.

Bradley Hardison, now 27, made national news in 2014 when he won a police-sponsored doughnut-eating contest in Elizabeth City, then was arrested days later in connection with a series of break-ins in a neighboring county. Sheriff’s deputies had seen the media reports of his doughnut-eating contest victory and recognized him as their suspect.

Hardison was convicted and received a suspended sentence in connection with those break-ins.


That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]World Tour Shithole Edition Destination #3: Haiti
[br] [/font]

Let’s spin the wheel a final time this week! And it lands on – t-shirt cannon! Everyone here will get a 2018 Shithole Edition World Tour t-shirt! Now if only I had the budget to make and sell t-shirts. Spin it again! World Tour 2018! Hit it!

Part of our mission statement here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots is to show you that conservative idiocy isn’t just a problem with America. No, it’s a global problem that is stemming far and wide, and it’s not just America where conservative idiots ruin everything they touch. And if you’re thinking of moving out of the United States just because Donald J. Trump is our current president and our nation is turning to shit, you should know what it is you’re getting into should you decide that you want to leave the country. Well now things suddenly got interesting! Last week, our World Tour got hijacked by Donald Trump’s shithole comment! So this week we’re turning things around, and we’re heading to the Caribbean to check out Haiti! Sorry Lithuania, we’ll catch you next time. Refunds are available at the point of purchase. So here’s the World Tour 2018 Shithole Edition:

[font size="6"]Haiti[/font]

Whew, that was a long ass flight, but we are back in the Caribbean! And nobody does it like my good friends in Haiti, am I right? So Haiti is the first stop on the Shithole variant of our 2018 World Tour, and so we are going to set out to prove to @realDonaldTrump that Haiti isn’t the shithole that he makes it out to be! So what is Haiti the home of? It’s a unique country that shares half of its’ island in the Caribbean with the Dominican Republic. It’s the home of a world wonder – the ruins of the Sans Souchi Palace, which once served as the vacation home of King Henry I. Of course its’ biggest city is the capital of the country, Port Au Prince. Its’ cultural center is the Pantheon Museum, which highlights all of the art and science produced by the tiny island nation. And of course when you’re visiting a Caribbean Island country like Haiti, you can’t help but wanting to take a dip in the country’s beautiful blue waters – of course they’re still blue until the next oil pipeline bursts. And like most islands in the Caribbean, Haiti also has some of the world’s most beautiful scenery which includes lots of different caverns and caves to explore. But what else is Haiti the home of? Well, a war with the Trump administration! But you know the only real shithole is Trump’s big, fat mouth!

Following reports that President Donald Trump referred to several countries, including Haiti, as "shitholes" (reports the president partially denied), on Wednesday, the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) has now barred people from the Caribbean country from applying for low-skilled working visas.

DHS said in a regulatory filing that it was removing Haiti from a list of more than 80 countries whose citizens can be granted H-2A and H-2B visas, given to seasonal workers in agriculture and other industries.

It justified the decision by citing the “high levels of fraud and abuse” from Haitians on the program, and “a high rate of overstaying the terms” of their visas.

Approximately 40 percent of Haitians overstayed on a variety of non-immigrant U.S. visas, including H-2As and H-2Bs, in the 2016 fiscal year, according to a DHS report.

Just a few dozen Haitians entered the United States on the visas each year since they were given permission to do so in 2012 by the Obama administration, according to DHS data.

Yeah and that’s the fucking sad reality – only a handful of people from Haiti get to enter the US each year because of this bullshit. But some good news! Remember last week when I said last week that Mar-A-Shithole was the largest employer of Haitians in Miami? Well…

The Trump administration’s decision to exclude Haitians from receiving temporary agricultural and seasonal visas in the U.S. could work against the interests of the Trump Organization.

An announcement from the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) Thursday noted that citizens of Haiti, as well as Belize and Samoa, will be prohibited from applying for the temporary H-2A and H-2B visas. But that could cause staffing problems for Mar-a-Lago, which Trump has dubbed the ‘Winter White House.’

The resort reportedly employs more Haitians than nearly any other nationality. (Romania is the only other one that comes close, according to The New Yorker.) Mar-a-Lago applied for and received 70 H-2B visas for its recent 2017-2018 season.


So Mar-A-Shithole, as it will be known now and forever, is the single largest employer of Haitians in Miami. But what is a “shithole country”? We need to find some answers, damn it!

On Thursday, the day before the eighth anniversary of the earthquake in Haiti that killed at least 230,000 people, President Trump called Haiti – as well as a single, undifferentiated “Africa” – “shithole countries.”

Of course, the president’s first impulse was to deny the statement, just as he had denied the statement made public through an anonymous source to the New York Times that “all Haitians have AIDS.”

Triggering the conversation is his administration’s denial of Temporary Protected Status (TPS) for 58,000 people from Haiti currently living in the U.S., some for as much as thirty years.

His comments speak to the callous attitude of an individual that feels no accountability, who thinks he can rewrite history as is convenient. Senator Durbin (D-IL) confirmed that indeed 45 had spoken these “hate filled words” many times in a conversation about immigration policy, that Trump has been actively sabotaging despite an apparent deal with Senator Jeff Flake (R-AZ) for his “yes” vote on Trump’s tax plan.

It would be unfortunate if the media were to exceptionalize Trump’s comments as the latest gaffe from an individual too accustomed to bullying people on Twitter, recently claiming that his “nuclear button” is bigger than North Korea’s. The comments are also indicative of an unchallenged white supremacy that has unfortunately been allowed to fester in our society. It is more useful to see this as an open expression of often hidden feelings, unresolved cultural aftershocks of the institution of plantation slavery that our nation has to deal with head on and with courage and honesty.

He seriously smiles as if someone had just asked him to regurgitate his second Big Mac. Or maybe it was the fourth. Ah, who am I kidding? This is Trump we’re talking about here – the biggest asshole on the planet! But some good news is that Haiti is fighting back against Der Trumpenfuhrer!

ADDIS ABABA, Ethiopia — President Trump’s dismissal of Haiti, El Salvador and African nations as “shithole countries” whose inhabitants are not desirable for U.S. immigration shocked people around the world and provoked swift condemnation.

The president made the remarks Thursday during a White House meeting with lawmakers and suggested that immigrants from Norway would be preferable. Trump has since apparently denied making the off-color remark, describing the language he used only as “tough.”

“The African Union Commission is frankly alarmed at statements by the president of the United States when referring to migrants of African countries and others in such contemptuous terms,” said Ebba Kalondo, the spokeswoman for the African Union. “Considering the historical reality of how many Africans arrived in the U.S. during the Atlantic slave trade, this flies in the face of all accepted behavior and practice.”

Yeah keep giving the thumbs up, sir, because we all know your time is fast approaching an end. Can we put the adults back in charge please? I mean especially when they say such nasty things as Haiti is filled with “sheet metal and garbage”. Did this guy visit that planet from Thor Ragnarok recently?

Everyone's least favorite Northwest Florida lawmaker is at it again, and this time he’s trolling virtually every reasonable individual who didn’t appreciate the president’s alleged “shithole countries” remarks. Which is to say Rep. Matt Gaetz, R-Fort Walton Beach, is pretty much trolling everyone.

On Tuesday night, during an interview with Chris Hayes on MSNBC, Gaetz followed up on how President Donald Trump reportedly lamented Haiti and African nations as "shithole" countries while meeting with lawmakers to discuss immigration reform last week, essentially saying he agreed with the president’s comments.

[font size="6"]The Verdict & Scorecard[/font]

Well since I really couldn’t find much information about Haiti, there really was no way to put it through my grading system. But we’re going to tell Trump and the GOP that Haiti isn’t really the shithole he makes it out to be!

Tourism: B-
Culture: A
Political Spectrum: D-
Liberal Appeal: C

Overall: C

[font size="6"]Next Week[/font]

We’re continuing to visit the list of countries that Trump deems shitholes and we’re going to back to Africa to visit Ghana! Because World Tour schedules make no god damn sense!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Lana Del Rey[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, well, I’m definitely not forgetting the ladies this week! My next guest – her new album is called “Lust For Life”. Playing the title track from that album, please give it up for Lana Del Rey!

Yeah how about that?

See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Punchline Comedy Club, San Francisco, CA
Special Thanks To: Punch Line Management
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
Graphics: Top 10 Graphics Department
Research: Top 10 Research Department
Lighting & Stage Props: Top 10 Lighting Department
Legal: Top 10 Legal Department
Advertising: Top 10 Advertising Department
HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Haiti Hosting: Port Au Prince Productions, Port Au Prince
Lana Del Rey Appears Courtesy Of: Polydor LTD
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
Follow The Top 10 At: @DUInitechTop10

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

January 17, 2018

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-2: What Can Brown Do For You? Edition (#100!)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-2: What Can Brown Do For You? Edition (#100!)

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! We now have America's best 4G LTE rates with unlimited gigs! Switch today and save! Here it is people! This is edition #100!!! And we’re going to party! Because we have a little band joining us that I like to call The Foo Fighters! Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Oh the kids love the Foo Fighters. That's right - Dave Grohl, Nate Mendel, Pat Smear, Chris Schifflet and Taylor Hawkins! One of the best hard rock bands working today. That’s right! But first we got a show to do. And speaking of partying, who parties harder than Andrew WK? I was originally going to talk about the epic clusterfuck that was the Clippers and Rockets game, but this is much better! So let's get some music for this one:

Yeah that's an awesome song. We need to get Andrew WK on the Top 10 at some point. So you're driving and a new song comes on the radio that happens to be the new Andrew WK single. A British fan was driving on England's M4 highway and says "Just heard Andrew WK's new single on the radio and now I have a speeding ticket.". Well, that started a twitter exchange between him and the Party Hard guy. So Andrew WK, the man himself, offers to pay the guy's speeding ticket. How badass is that? Yeah no we're not saying speed down the road while listening to some party music. Although we do that ourselves. Who doesn't love a good party while you're driving? Well, the story did have a happy ending because the motorist in question did ask instead that the singer donate the £100 cost of the ticket to charity. But in return, he gets to go to the next Andrew WK show in London. I mean yeah how awesome is that? I want Andrew WK to come party here! Let's do this shit! OK that’s enough of the intro, we got a lot of idiocy to cover. But first Stephen Colbert is back and what did Trump really say – shithole or shithouse?

Whew, man did I pick the right week for the 100th edition or what? Man there was some absolutely crazy idiocy at hand this week. Number one this week has to go to Fox News (1) because, you know Donald Trump’s “Shithole Countries” comment has been all over the news, and Fox News has their lips firmly implanted on Trump’s ass. Taking the second slot, while Hawaii was under a state of extreme panic, Donald Trump (2) was golfing. At least be glad that’s all he was doing! In the third slot is also Donald Trump (3). You know what’s really a shithole? Donald Trump’s famed Mar-A-Lago resort which had tons of egregious inspection violations that were revealed last week. I am shocked! In the 4th slot is Joe Arpaio. Yeah he’s not going away, in fact he wants to get even more power. In the 5th slot is Sarah Huckabee Sanders (5). What do you do when your two year old is being annoying and accidentally uses your Amazon device to order an $80 toy? Trash Amazon using a government account! At number 6 is our weekly sermon on all trying to figure out why the most devoted are also the most crazy, Holy Shit (6), and this time we’re going to find out why they are so paranoid about the possibility of losing Trump. Taking the 7th slot, is the White Male Groper’s Club who is adding some new members, including Marvel’s Stan Lee and Netflix’s Aziz Ansari. At the number 8 slot, yeah, we got to talk about Alex Jones (8) again, and holy crap he continues to go off the deep end. You thought he was crazy last week? Well he’s even crazier again this week! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot we’ve got a new installment of “I Need A Drink”, and we are going to talk about the teenage craze where kids are daring each other to eat laundry detergent. Yes, this is a thing that exists. Finally this week we have the second stop of our World Tour 2018, and we’re heading to the scenic eastern European country of Poland. And then to celebrate keeping it 100, how about a little band called The Foo Fighters? Yay!!!!! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Fox News
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Number one this week easily goes to Fox News. They decide, you bend over. They are the ones who knock. You just sit there and nod politely. So while most of the world was horrified with what Trump said – you know what he said – about a certain group of countries that are deemed undesirable. Ah, who am I kidding? This is Trump! he said the word “shithole”! What can brown do for you? Yes, the guy who is calling himself the Commander In Chief, said that certain countries are “shithole countries”. I mean can you imagine the outcry if Obama said it? Well, Fox News has their lips firmly superglued to Trump’s ass this week because they did this:

WASHINGTON ― Most news networks reporting on President Donald Trump’s remarks about restricting immigrants from “shithole countries” notably didn’t shy away from using the vulgar word, and called the president’s insult what it was ― racist.

But over at Fox News, Trump’s network of choice, hosts and panelists were defending the president’s crude comments before shifting to other topics.

After The Washington Post on Thursday afternoon first reported Trump’s remarks at a White House meeting with lawmakers, “The Five” co-host Jesse Watters shrugged off the slur as the way ordinary Americans talk about “Haiti people.”

“If it’s true, this is how the forgotten men and women in America talk at the bar,” Watters said. “This is how Trump relates to people. If you’re at a bar, and you’re from Wisconsin, and you’re thinking, ‘They’re bringing in a bunch of Haiti people, or El Salvadorians, or people from Niger.’ This is how some people talk.”

You know what, Fox News? You can go shove it up your shithole! And this isn’t even the worst thing he said this week! You know things are fucked up when “Commander In Chief Refers To Group Of Nations As Shitholes” isn’t even front page news. But Fox News isn’t the only ones denying this!

As some members of the GOP have rushed to defend Donald Trump’s description of certain countries as “shitholes,” one has gone further than most with the claim the president did not make the comment at all.

Senator David Purdue claimed in an interview with ABC’s This Week on Sunday that the president did not use the word “shithole,” despite the White House not having denied Trump made the comment.

“I’m telling you he did not use that word, George. And I’m telling you it’s a gross misrepresentation. How many times do you want me to say that?” Purdue told ABC host George Stephanopoulos of the White House meeting in which he reportedly used the phrase.

Thank you Master Yoda! Strong denial is, young one must be full of hate! Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering! But my favorite part of this whole thing is the guy who projected the term “shithole” onto the Trump Hotel in Washington DC.

Updated | Trump Hotel in downtown Washington DC got a surprise makeover last night—with the expletive President Donald Trump has used to describe developing world countries beamed onto its outer walls.

Video posted on Twitter shows the words “This Place is a Shithole” projected onto the walls of the hotel Saturday night, alongside poop emojis, and an arrow pointing at the establishment’s arched entrance.

In a meeting with lawmakers last week on protection for immigrants, Trump had reportedly called developing world countries including Haiti and some African states “shithole” countries. Trump's words have been described as "racist" by the U.N.'s human rights office.

Other messages beamed onto the building Saturday included “The President of the United States is a Known Racist and Nazi Sympathiser,” alluding to the president’s controversial comments after the Charlottesville white nationalist rally in August.

Can we show that?

I love that the word “shithole” is surrounded by poop emojis. You know – to heighten the atmosphere, and don’t think you want to make people forget what “shithole” means! But you know while Trump is working, or at least appears to be working, you can guarantee that he’s going to say or do something particularly insane. This isn’t going away though. Oh no!

MIAMI - As the controversy over President Donald Trump's comments about African and Haitian immigrants deepens, one South Florida lawmaker who was present at the contentious meeting is remaining out the fray.

Rep. Mario Diaz-Balart, a Miami Republican, was in the room Thursday when Trump reportedly described Haiti and some African nations as "shithole countries."

“This is a president that said things differently than clearly I would say them," Diaz-Balart told Local 10's Glenna Milberg Monday. "I will not comment on what may or may not have been said. The bottom line is I will not be in a position to solve this problem.”

By the way, Trump and Fox News – you may have pissed off the wrong people by making this comment and defending this comment. Because who’s pissed off right now? They are!

President Trump’s comment about not wanting immigrants from “shithole countries,” — which he has unpersuasively denied — came in a very specific context: He was discussing with lawmakers under what conditions Temporary Protected Status for immigrants from El Salvador, Haiti, and Honduras might be renewed.

Temporary Protected Status, or TPS, grants people fleeing specific crises in specific countries who have entered the United States without any permanent legal status the right to be to be temporarily shielded from prosecution for illegal residency. It doesn’t give them a visa or permanent status, but it does let them live and work here legally for the time being.

In the ensuing uproar, some on the right have asserted that President Trump was really making a good point, however crudely: Maybe we don’t want immigrants from poor countries, who, they assume, are low-skill immigrants. The administration is known to support a more “skills based” immigration system, and maybe Trump was just, in a clumsy way, trying to articulate that?

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

We need to talk about addiction for a minute. You know that thing that happens when your favorite hobby of choice consumes nearly every aspect of your life? Well, our commander in chief is a golf addict. In fact, remember when he said this?

Yeah he has no time for golf. So unless you’re living under a rock, let’s put two and two together. So if Trump is so consumed by golf that he can’t tear himself away to do anything else? And you know how one of the first signs of spotting an addict is when they put themselves in harm’s way or hurt others? Well he definitely harmed others with what happened in Hawaii on Saturday.

A false alarm that warned of a ballistic missile headed for Hawaii sent the islands into a panic Saturday, with people abandoning cars in a highway and preparing to flee their homes until officials said the cellphone alert was a mistake.

In a conciliatory news conference later in the day, Hawaii officials apologized for the mistake and vowed to ensure it will never happen again.

Hawaii Emergency Management Agency Administrator Vern Miyagi said the error happened when someone hit the wrong button.

"We made a mistake," said Miyagi.

For nearly 40 minutes, it seemed like the world was about to end in Hawaii, an island paradise already jittery over the threat of nuclear-tipped missiles from North Korea.

Oh calm down! We’re not gonna die! I mean did you see that part where they said they made a mistake! Hey they said they were sorry! So what does this have to do with Trump and addiction? Well, guess where he was during that 38 minutes? Think of this as his “My Pet Goat” moment. If you don’t know what that is, Google it.

Critics are blasting President Donald Trump for continuing to golf Saturday while frantic Hawaii residents rushed for cover after a false cell phone alarm about an incoming ballistic missile.

The president was on the course at his Trump International Golf Club in West Palm Beach, Florida, after the alert was issued at 1:09 p.m. EST, according to press pool reports. His motorcade didn’t leave the club for Mar-a-Lago until 1:38 p.m.

Although Hawaii’s Emergency Management Agency quickly tweeted that the initial warning was an error, it took 38 minutes before a second mobile alert declared the first a false alarm. Officials said the wrong button had been pushed.

OK so maybe I was wrong about addiction! At least this is one time we can be glad Trump was on the golf course - we might all be dead right now! Be glad that this is one time Trump didn’t have Fox News blaring 24/7 while eating cheeseburgers in bed! But guess what? That’s got even high level security officials pissed off!

Hawaii’s botched missile alert Saturday gave a former Obama administration official an opportunity to tee off on President Donald Trump -- even though the false alarm was a state-level gaffe.

“Thank God the President was playing golf,” Patrick Granfield, an ex-strategic communications director at the Pentagon who now lectures at Georgetown University, tweeted just hours after Hawaii's false alarm.

Trump was on the links at the Trump International Golf Course in Florida after the emergency alert was issued at approximately 1:09 p.m., according to pool reports. He left for Mar-a-Lago approximately 30 minutes later.

When another Twitter user said that she wished Granfield had not used the opportunity to take a “dig” at Trump, Granfield doubled down.

We’re still not gonna die! Come on, they just pushed the wrong button, and our commander in chief was still on the golf course. Be glad that’s all he was doing! But this only further ignites the controversy Trump started about presidents golfing, which we can only assume was a half assed attempt to insult Obama. But the damage has been done:

Shortly after 8 a.m. local time Saturday, an employee at the Hawaii Emergency Management Agency settled in at the start of his shift. Among his duties that day was to initiate an internal test of the emergency missile warning system: essentially, to practice sending an emergency alert to the public without actually sending it to the public.

It was a drill the agency had started with some regularity last November — around the time Hawaii reinstated its Cold War-era nuclear warning sirens amid growing fears of an attack by North Korea — and so, while the tests were not yet routine enough to be predictable, they were not entirely new either, according to an agency spokesman.

Around 8:05 a.m., the Hawaii emergency employee initiated the internal test, according to a timeline released by the state. From a drop-down menu on a computer program, he saw two options: “Test missile alert” and “Missile alert.” He was supposed to choose the former; as much of the world now knows, he chose the latter, an initiation of a real-life missile alert.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

You know what’s really a shithole? Mar-A-Lago. Yes, the Florida mega mansion that was built for cereal heir Marjorie Post and currently serves as Donald Trump’s Winter White House, was listed on Bon Appetite’s list of places to eat that are slightly better than dumpsters. Excuse me a minute. I love that graphic by the way. I mean come on, I think most people would rather eat at Hot Dog On A Stick. So this week Florida’s health inspectors nearly condemned the place after finding all kinds of egregious violations. Let’s go through the list.

Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago Resort in Palm Beach was cited for maintenance violations which could have posed a threat to public health, safety and welfare, according to a recent inspection of the 1920s beachfront property.

The bed and breakfast part of the resort required emergency repairs to pass its most recent inspection in November, according to state records reported by the Miami Herald. The B&B was cited for two high priority violations “which could pose a direct or significant threat” to the public, according to the inspection code. Those included the absence of smoke detectors capable of alerting hearing impaired guests through flashing lights, and chunks of missing concrete exposing steel rebar on a staircase.

Meanwhile, the exclusive club’s kitchens were cited for 15 violations. The two main kitchens were written up for improper food storage, including milk that was stored at the wrong temperature and hot dogs stored on the ground floor of the freezer, according to the records. The kitchens passed the inspection, however, and did not need to be rechecked.

This isn’t the first time Mar-a-Lago’s catering services have prompted sanitation concerns. In February 2017, just days before the arrival of Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, inspectors found sushi fish that had not been subject to necessary treatment for parasites, and cited the club for storing food in two defunct coolers which reportedly reached temperatures that could spoil fresh food.

Yes, this is not at all surprising given what a fat, lazy, unstable, half assed effort Trump gives on a daily basis. So if you’re keeping score at home, chunks of missing concrete, exposed rebar, which could pose a “direct or significant threat to the public”. What else did inspectors find?

Hot dogs stored on the walk-in freezer floor and missing concrete from a staircase that could cause someone to fall were just two of more than 15 health and maintenance violations President Donald Trump’s Florida golf club was dinged for during an inspection last November.

Records from an inspection before Thanksgiving on November 8, reported by the Mail Online, showed maintenance at the resort’s B&B lacking, with two high priority violations including missing smoke detectors for the hearing impaired and exposed steel rebar in a staircase that wasn’t covered by concrete.

Looking inside the club’s two main kitchens, inspectors found 15, mostly basic, violations of the state’s restaurant standards. Staff, they wrote in their report, weren’t tracking the expiry dates on some food and inspectors pulled expired curry sauce from the freezer.

Excuse me a minute… OK I feel better. At least if you’re eating at Hot Dog On A Stick, you’re already aware that your corn dog was probably on the floor at some point after the clerk dropped it in the lemonade thinking it was the deep fryer. Of course, if you’re also eating at Hot Dog On A Stick, what the fuck are you doing eating at Hot Dog On A Stick? You know you passed at least 20 other restaurants on the way, and they’re probably all so much better for you! But you just had to have that corn dog, didn’t you? All right, I am getting off topic here. But back to Mar A Shithole… you know who is one of the biggest hirers of Haitians? Yup, you guessed it!

Donald Trump’s offensive comments about Haiti and other countries amid talks about extending temporary protected status for immigrants could come back to haunt him in more ways than one.

Beyond any political ramifications, it could blow back on his favorite resort property. Mar-A-Lago, sometimes dubbed the “Winter White House,” reportedly employs more Haitians than nearly any other nationality. (Romania is the only other one that comes close, according to The New Yorker.)

The club applied for and received 70 H-2B visas for its recent 2017-2018 season. The H-2B is a visa that is targeted to low-cost, low-skilled workers and is not under any executive review. The H1-B, which has been in the news, provides visas for technical employees.

Yeah so the country that Trump called a shithole has more people working at his shithole than anywhere else in Miami! Let’s just let that sink in for a minute! All though there might be more Haitians outside Mar-A-Lago than inside!

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. - Members of the South Florida Haitian community were protesting President Donald Trump by marching across a bridge connecting Palm Beach to West Palm Beach.

Hundreds of protesters gathered on the West Palm Beach side of the Southern Boulevard bridge Monday morning, marching across the bridge that leads to Mar-a-Lago.

The protesters were demanding an apology from the president amid reports that Trump used vulgar language to refer to Haiti and African countries.

But back to the Mar-A-Lago inspections for a minute. Hey audience – what’s the over / under on what Mar-A-Lago’s initiation fee? I got $50K… $100K… $400K… higher? Lower? Well, those of you guessing six figures are more are pretty damn close!

A year after the discovery of foods that could sicken people at President Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago Club in Palm Beach, his Winter White House was just cited by inspectors for poor maintenance.

Never mind that it costs $200,000 in initiation fees to join the exclusive club, which has two restaurants and a bed-and-breakfast.

Fresh state records show the B&B needed emergency repairs in order to pass the latest inspection in November.

Trump’s club, located on a beachfront property where the historic main house was built in the 1920s for cereals heiress Marjorie Merriweather Post, was cited Nov. 8 for two violations deemed high priority: the lack of smoke detectors capable of alerting the hearing impaired through flashing bright lights; and slabs of concrete missing from a staircase, exposing steel rebar that could cause someone to fall.

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[font size="8"]Joe Arpaio
[br] [/font]

This year – all 435 Congressional seats, 18 Senate seats, and 15 governorships are up for grabs. That means it’s literally anyone’s game. And think of this like a music festival. You will have lots of hot young and crazy talent you’ve never heard before. Then you have your tried and trues – the ones who put in the time and work and still put on a show you can count on. And then there’s the headliners – the big draws, the people who will sell the place out. The GOP already got one headliner out of the way when we sent child molester and the cowboy who your mama really doesn’t want you to grow up to be, Roy Moore, packing. Now comes the guy who’s headlining Night#2 – Joe Arpaio!

The entrance of former Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio into the open Arizona Senate race was like a bull entering a china shop. The question is whether the former law enforcement official will be a boon or a millstone around the party’s neck, the way Roy Moore was for Alabama Republicans in the state’s special election for the U.S. Senate.

Will Arizona 2018 Look Like Alabama 2017 as Arpaio Enters the Race?

When Sen. Jeff Flake announced that he would not run for another term, it looked like a rare opportunity for Democrats to pick up a Senate seat. That was especially the case since the first candidate to announce her bid was former State Senator Kelli Ward. She challenged Sen. John McCain in the primaries two years ago and has the benefit of having run a statewide race.

He’s baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! Mmmmmmmmmm… yes! Mmmmmmmm… yes! My pretties, he is back all right! That’s right the 85 year old – just like Jack Nicholson’s character from the Shining, Joe Arpaio, is tanned, rested, and ready, and he’s coming for Jeff Flake. Flakey! And would you expect that he went from Zero to Birther in under 60 seconds?

A day after Joe Arpaio officially launched his bid to be the next U.S. senator from Arizona, the controversial former sheriff returned to a polarizing question that was seemingly put to bed in public by his party’s own standard-bearer:

Where was Barack Obama really born?

Arpaio told CNN’s Chris Cuomo on Wednesday that he still thinks Obama’s birth certificate is fake, even though the biggest fanner of the birther flame — President Trump — said in 2016 that he believes Obama was born in Hawaii, not Kenya.

“You believe that President Obama’s birth certificate is a phony?” Cuomo asked on his CNN show Wednesday night.

“No doubt about it. No doubt about it,” Arpaio replied, seemingly aggrieved about Cuomo bringing the issue up. “We have the evidence.”

Really? My ass has evidence and you don’t see me running for Senate! Thank you! But it’s good to know that Sheriff Joe has some good company. And you know they say you can always judge a person by the company they keep:

Sheriff Joe Arpaio, who recently announced his run for Senate, appeared today on Infowars to thank conspiracy theorist shock jock Alex Jones for his continued support.

Arpaio appeared on “The Alex Jones Show” to promote his new campaign to fill the Senate seat currently held by Sen. Jeff Flake and express his gratitude for Jones’ continued support of his political career.

Last year, Arpaio was convicted of criminal contempt for knowingly violating a federal judge’s order regarding racial profiling and was later pardoned by President Trump. During that time, Arpaio made multiple appearances on Infowars.

Today, Jones told his listeners that it was important that Infowars fans donate and volunteer for Arpaio’s campaign because Democrats in Congress are “trying to get enough votes to impeach the president.” Jones posed the question: “Could it be Trump that saved Arpaio from a fraudulent investigation and then Arpaio saves Trump?”

Bet you didn’t think it was going to be him, did you? And you think you’re so smart! But it’s good to know that Alex Jones is going full on white supremacist by supporting Sheriff Joe . And guess what? Ol’ Joe’s going full in on his support for Trump’s “shithole” comment. Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be shitholes. Let them be cowboys and players and such…

If you don’t understand why some people continue to support President Donald Trump no matter what he does or says, former Sheriff Joe Arpaio offers a simple explanation.

Arpaio is an uncomplicated man, and he offers an uncomplicated explanation for what is, essentially, his complete and uncomplicated support for Trump.

Arpaio was on MSNBC speaking with Ari Melber about the former sheriff’s run for the U.S. Senate.

Melber asks Arpaio about reports that during a meeting with members of Congress concerning immigration the president got upset when there was talk of immigrants from Haiti and African countries, saying, “Why are we having all these people from s--hole countries come here?"

So Sheriff Joe and Infowars are going full on racist. Because that’s what we need a heavy dose of – some good old fashioned white supremacy! Need I remind people of all the heinous crimes that Joe was already accused of? But Sheriff Joe is going to face some stiff competition from his favorite opponents! No, not that guy. Definitely not those guys. But these guys!

Yenni Sanchez had thought her work was finished.

Spared from the threat of deportation by the Obama-era Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program, she campaigned to oust Joe Arpaio when he unsuccessfully ran for reelection as Maricopa County sheriff in 2016. She knocked on hundreds of doors in south Phoenix’s predominantly Latino neighborhoods to register voters. She made phone calls, walked on college campuses. Her message was direct, like the name of the group she worked with, Bazta Arpaio, a take on the Spanish word basta — enough Arpaio.

But now, the 85-year-old former sheriff is back and running for Senate. Sanchez, who had planned to step away from politics to focus on her studies at Grand Canyon University, is back as well, organizing once more.

“If he thinks he can come back and terrorize the entire state like he did Maricopa County, it’s not going to happen,” Sanchez, 20, said. “I’m not going to let it happen.”


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[font size="8"]Sarah Huckabee Sanders
[br] [/font]

So you know those Alexa devices that are all the rage right now. You can use it to do just about anything. Alexa, tell the bartender that I would like another Jack & Coke please! *Alexa* Bartender, I would like another Jack & Coke. Ah, see? It works! Now where's my drink at? But seriously people – turn off the auto order feature! Because that’s what happened to Trump spokesperson and woman whose curtains are most likely covered in cat hair, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who caught her two year old ordering an $80 Batman toy from Alexa.

The White House’s liberal social media policy apparently extends beyond Donald Trump.

On Sunday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the president's press secretary, used the official White House Twitter account not to share news pertinent to the American public but to complain that her 2-year-old child used her Amazon Echo device to order a Batman action figure.

“Alexa, we have a problem if my 2 year old can order a Batman toy by yelling ‘Batman!’ over and over again into the Echo,” wrote Sanders, who has two other children.

Yeah because we need to write negative reviews of Batman toys now! I mean… is this bad parenting? Or is it flat out laziness? Or is it a combination of all of the above? I mean it’s Sarah Sanders, she’s employed by Trump. They’re known to do everything half assed!

We're perched in an era where the very definition of intelligence is being questioned.

The intelligence of our government and the intelligence of our gadgets.

It seems as if almost every new gadget claims to be smart. But are they really stable geniuses, these devices?

I ask because White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders isn't impressed with the intelligence of her Amazon Echo.

You know Sarah, blaming Alexa for your kid ruining your order history is like blaming Boo! 2 for ruining your Halloween. You could do it, but come on, you’re stating the obvious here. But at least Sarah’s two year old knows what superheroes he likes!

White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders is calling out Amazon after her two-year-old child was able to use the Echo to purchase an $80 Batman toy.

Sanders used her official White House Twitter account on Sunday to complain that the company’s Echo device allowed her young son to purchase the toy by mistake.

"Alexa, we have a problem if my 2 year old can order a Batman toy by yelling 'Batman!' over and over again into the Echo,” Sanders, who has three children, tweeted on Sunday.

Oh man that makes me want to go watch the Dark Knight right now. Love those movies. So back to reality what makes this so crazy? Maybe Sarah was making the whole thing up and just wanted an excuse to attack Amazon. Never mind that Jeff Bezos did this:

A number of tech companies and executives have voiced support of the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) program. But Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos and his wife MacKenzie have just given $33 million in support to DACA recipients, also known as Dreamers. The two just donated the money to TheDream.US, which provides scholarships to Dreamers, and their donation will give 1,000 DACA recipients money to attend college. It's the largest donation in history of TheDream.US. "My dad came to the US when he was 16 as part of Operation Pedro Pan," Jeff Bezos said in a statement. "He landed in this country alone and unable to speak English. With a lot of grit and determination -- and the help of some remarkable organizations in Delaware -- my dad became an outstanding citizen, and he continues to give back to the country that he feels blessed him in so many ways. MacKenzie and I are honored to be able to help today's Dreamers by funding these scholarships."

In the words of Sarah’s employer – WRONG! SAD! UNBELIEVABLE! But we think Sarah might have been making this whole thing up! It really is sad.

On Sunday, White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders used her official government Twitter account to complain that her two-year-old had allegedly ordered a $79.99 action figure by “yelling ‘Batman!’ over and over again at her Alexa-enabled Amazon Echo.

If this were true, it would certainly be a convenient way for Sanders to score some points with her boss, who has repeatedly accused Amazon of not paying fictional “internet taxes” (a confused reference to state sales tax), being a tax shelter, and screwing over the U.S. Postal Service on delivery rates. Also, it would be very bad if a two-year-old repeatedly screaming “Batman!” could in fact end up with an account owner being charged $79.99 for a toy.

However, as TechCrunch noted, despite several attempts, no one has actually been able to replicate Alexa ordering said action figure just because someone yelled about Batman at it. Amazon’s support documentation notes that ordering anything via voice requires making a deliberate purchase request and again verbally confirming the order.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
[br] [/font]

Yes everyone it’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate! For it is our understanding that in the darkest of times, we turn to the holiest among us. And even then we are told that the holiest among us are full of:

Welcome to our weekly mass everybody! And once again give it up for the Top 10 Gospel Choir, how great are they? Well of course it’s our weekly due diligence to find out exactly why the most devoted of us are also the most batshit fucking crazy. So who is crazy this week? Well the Christian right always loves to decry their favorite punching bag – “activist judges”! And then there’s Mat Staver, who said this:

Anti-LGBTQ Religious Right activist Mat Staver of Liberty Counsel appeared on VCY America’s “Crosstalk” radio program yesterday, where he asserted that gay people should not be allowed to serve as judges because they are incapable of being objective and fair in cases involving religious liberty for Christians.

Asked about Andrew McDonald, who was recently nominated to serve as chief justice of the Connecticut Supreme Court and, if confirmed, will be the first openly gay chief justice on any state court in the country, Staver was not shy about voicing his opposition.

“Here’s the problem with it beyond the issue of the morality of this,” Staver said. “Beyond the issue of other consequences is the fact that what we typically see is someone’s identity, their being, completely wrapped up in their sexual practices, meaning that—do you think that if you had an Aaron and Melissa Klein or a Jack Phillips bakery or anything else like that where you have the LGBT clash with religious freedom or freedom of expression come before this judge, do you think this judge is going to be open and fair irrespective of what he does to rule based on the Constitution and the rule of law? I don’t think so.”

Really, Matt? I mean is this the kind of thing that JAY-SUS would say? Are you really that fucking paranoid? None are more paranoid than the persecuted Christian. Because persecution is a sin!!!!! And sins must be cleansed in the name of all that is good and holy! Can I get an amen??? But you know what else is a sin in the holy church of the Top 10? Paranoia! And these guys wear it on their sleeve!

Charisma magazine’s Steve Strang appeared on the “Focal Point” radio program yesterday, where he likened Christians who refuse to support President Trump to the Pharisees who attacked Jesus.

While promoting his recent book, “God and Donald Trump,” Strang told guest host Alex McFarland that Christians who attack Trump are narrow-minded, mean-spirited and blind to the fact that he has accepted Christ.

“It’s like the Pharisees in Jesus’ day,” Strang said. “Here he was, the promised Messiah, and these are the people who practice Jewish law better than anyone else and they just had a mindset against him and couldn’t see the truth. A lot of people get a mindset, they think a certain way politically … and they just think that way and they don’t think for themselves.”

“I just think that people are blind, they don’t want to change, they have a certain narrative,” he added. “Don’t we all know Christians throughout history who have twisted facts to go along with their preconceived ideas? It’s one reason why Christians sometimes have a bad reputation in some circles because a lot of times we are kind of narrow-minded and mean-spirited; I’ll tell you, some of the ‘Never Trumpers’ we’re really, in my opinion, mean-spirited in the way they went after him.”

Methinks that Brother Steve might be protesting just a little too much! Let’s give it up for the Top 10 Gospel Choir, again, how great be they? Can I get an amen? Thank you audience! And speaking of right wing paranoia, fear, and misinformation, here we have Liz Crokin openly contemplating whether or not Oprah is the antichrist!

Last night, right-wing “journalist” and crackpot conspiracy theorist Liz Crokin hosted another Facebook Live video stream with her friend Crystal Myers-Barber during which she brilliantly uncovered Oprah Winfrey’s hidden allegiance to the New World Order.

In 2011, Winfrey launched the Oprah Winfrey Network, known as OWN. But as Crokin cleverly discovered, OWN spelled backwards is NWO, which obviously is unmistakable proof of her deep ties to the New World Order.

“What is her network—OWN—backwards?” Crokin asked. “New World Order. Hello! Anagrams, reverse words, symbolism.”

That insight was a revelation to Myers-Barber, prompting Crokin to explain a bit more.

Hey Liz… you never know when two people might suffer from a bad case of shit coming directly from thine brains! Thank you! Because lying and bigotry are also sins, and sins must be cleansed in the name of all that is good and holy!!! Can I get an amen???? But then there be Pastor Kevin Swanson, who thinks that a movie called “The Shape Of Water” might be the end of civilization as we know it.

On his radio show today, extremist anti-LGBTQ pastor Kevin Swanson declared that the new film “The Shape Of Water” represents “the end of civilization as we know it.”
Swanson fumed that the film about a woman who falls in love with a mysterious sea creature is an explicit violation of Leviticus 20:15, which declares that “if a man has sexual relations with an animal, he is to be put to death, and you must kill the animal.”
“It’s hard to even describe what goes on” in the film, Swanson said, “but, of course, the death penalty crime of Leviticus 20:15 had to do with the absolute lowest, most depraved activity that humans have ever engaged in at all and it’s only the most depraved people in the world that even want to mention this stuff, let alone sit there and watch it for two and a half hours on the movie screen.”
“The movie itself is completely centered around cross-species mating,” he continued. “The movie [approvingly] presents the Leviticus 20:15 sinful habit that really has only been part of the most depraved people, the most insane people that ever lived in the history of mankind.”

Brother Kevin, you missed the part where “The Shape Of Water” is a movie. It is not real, and lying about fiction is a sin!!!!! And sins must be cleansed! Now let’s praise Jesus and pass the collection plate because our Holy Church Of The Top 10 needs a face lift and we cannot do it on our own! You see how janky this set is, and it’s the work of Satan himself!!! But then we have Cindy Jacobs, who said that Kim Jong Un will be removed from office unless he repents and accepts Jesus! Because, Jesus!

Last November, Cindy Jacobs and several other self-proclaimed “prophets” gathered for a Global Prophetic Summit, where they reportedly heard from God that North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un will be removed from office this year unless he converts to Christianity.

Yesterday, Jacobs posted a video in which she purported to explain “what God has been saying for 2018.” During the video, Jacobs spoke directly to Kim Jong Un about the need for him to turn his life over to Christ or else spend eternity in hell.

“We prophesied a lot about North Korea, that North Korea was going to have a suddenly—that God was going to deal with Kim Jong Un,” Jacobs said of the recent prophetic summit.

To which I say “good luck with that”, Sister Cindy! There you have it – they would actually try to convert one of the world’s most insane leaders, because, Jesus. Mass has ended, may you go in peace. That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]White Male Groper’s Club
[br] [/font]

If there’s one thing you don’t want to do in the day and age of social media, is completely screw up the message of a movement. Especially one as important as the #MeToo movement. And since that happened last October there have been people coming out of the woodwork to share their stories of sexual harassment and abuse. And then there’s Floyd Mayweather. Really, there is nothing funny about sexual harassment, abuse, or assault. But we can all agree that Floyd completely got the message wrong didn’t he?

Raise your hand if you’ve wondered what boxer Floyd Mayweather has to say about the #MeToo movement. Anyone? Anyone at all? Oh, there’s one—Men’s Health! The magazine got Mayweather to open about the social media campaign on Wednesday, and it went about as well as you’d expect.

At a press event for Mayweather’s new VR experience, Mayweather Boxing + Fitness, reporter Jordyn Taylor asked how men can grow in 2018, “in light of the #MeToo movement.” Mayweather was at first confused by by the question, but after Taylor explained it had to do with “women speaking out about sexual assault,” he delivered an answer that was pure Floyd.

“When you say ‘me too’ ... When somebody is like, ‘I got a Rolls Royce, I be like ‘me too.’” Mayweather said. “When somebody say they got a private jet, I say, ‘Me too. I got two. Me too.’”


Taylor gamely tried to explain that what she’s asking about—women responding to systemic sexual harassment and misconduct by sharing their stories of being harassed or manhandled—is way different than comparing the contents of your garage to your wealthy buddies. And Floyd, well, he kept on being Floyd.

“Well, I didn't know! My Me Too movement from the beginning was whenever somebody said what they have I'm like, ‘me too,’” he said. “Somebody say they got a billion dollars, I say, ‘I made a billion dollars, me too.’”

Yeah cool story bro. That is exactly what the #MeToo movement was going for! Because everyone has Rolls Royces and private jets! Not me, I’ve got some dormant frequent flyer accounts. So this thing isn’t going away. Sure, Floyd may have got the message wrong, but what about when someone gets accused like Marvel’s Stan Lee? Yes we actually have a Stan Lee cameo in this edition!

Marvel Comics legend Stan Lee, co-creator of such iconic properties as Spider-Man, the Avengers, and the X-Men, has been hit with multiple allegations of sexual misconduct, all of which he’s denied. According to the Daily Mail, the first set of accusations came from former nurses for the 95-year-old, who claim he groped them, asked for oral sex, walked around naked in their presence, and asked to be “pleasured” in his bedroom. About those accusations, Lee’s attorney Tom Lallas told the Mail, “Mr. Lee categorically denies these false and despicable allegations and he fully intends to fight to protect his stellar good name and impeccable character.” He also said Lee “received demands to pay money” from his accusers.

Well hopefully these aren’t true because we love the Marvel movies, and Stan Lee will still be awesome, damn it! But then there’s a special sub section of the creepy perverts club – the Netflix creepy perverts club! What is it with Netflix and creepy perverts? There’s Kevin Spacey (House Of Cards), Danny Masterson (The Ranch), Louis CK (stand up specials), and now Aziz Ansari (Master of None) may join the mix.

Aziz Ansari, comedian, creator of one of the most socially progressive shows of our time and an ardent feminist campaigner has been accused of taking sexual advantage of a woman. The news might not be easy to digest, but it’s essential that we know it – and as women everywhere know, it is all too common to be shocking.

Far too often, men live under the guise of feminism in order to carry out abhorrent actions against women. Taking advantage of a public position which allows them to pull on the kudos, benefits and emotions and intelligence of women, they find themselves exalted for treating women like human beings.

As we have seen in the media industry, in the legal industry, and Hollywood itself, these men are more than happy to capitalise on the sacrifices of women, willingly or unwillingly, in public or in private. It is hard to celebrate a man who thinks that he deserves a medal – or an Emmy – for shouting about his basic treatment of women.

Oh and by the way, speaking of sexist pigs, how about Kevin Spacey? Remember him? He was our president at one point in time and starred in such movies as "Baby Driver" (which is a movie I loved from last year). Would it surprise you to learn he's also a racist? And for those of you keeping score at home - fake president who's a closet racist and sexual predator? Gone. Real president who's a closet racist and sexual predator? Whatever, he's still in charge!

According to the Daily Mail, Earl Blue, who was hired by the production company that produced House of Cards, has come forward to say that Spacey was “a very racist man.” Blue’s VIP Protective Services managed security for the first season of the hit Netflix show and says that Spacey refused to shake the hands of the black personnel and once told his personal security manager, “I don’t want niggers watching my trailer.”

When Blue complained to set managers, he says he was told of Spacey, “That’s just the way he is; we’ve got to keep him happy.”

Eric Lyles, one of the more than 40 security staff employed by VIP Protective Services, corroborated Blue’s story, saying that Spacey refused to touch him or even acknowledge his presence.

Blue says that despite every executive telling him that the company did a great job as set security, his contract was not renewed for the next season. He says he was told by a production manager that Spacey said “he didn’t want n******s on his set anymore.”

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[font size="8"]Alex Jones
[br] [/font]

Damn just once I was hoping that I wouldn’t have to talk about this guy even for our 100th episode! I mean, can we just skip to the fucking Foo Fighters please? My producer is telling me no. Damn it! I know we have a show to do! OK so it’s a new year and there’s all those articles coming out about the people you need to purge from your life to make it better in 2018. Well, can we purge Alex Jones please? He is not only extremely difficult and complains a lot, but he’s batshit fucking insane. Where to start?

Alex Jones, the shock jock conspiracy theorist leader of Infowars, told listeners that the media fabricated reports that Trump made racist remarks about immigrants in order to distract from right-wing activist James O’Keefe’s latest video releases and predicted that the media would soon claim that Trump rapes and eats Haitian babies.

Today on “The Alex Jones Show,” Jones attempted to discredit reports that Trump asked why “people from shithole countries” are allowed to come to America while discussing federal protections for immigrants from African, Caribbean and Latin American countries, calling it “a fake story.” The real story, Jones claimed, is the release of videos that contain secretly filmed and selectively edited footage of Twitter employees talking about “shadow banning,” a feature on most social media websites that allows moderators to place users in an isolated state without notifying them.

“This is key in crisis management. To cover up a real story, you use a fake story. And this is the mother of distractions. The M.O.A.B. is the mother of bombs—that’s conventional. This is the M.O.A.B. of distractions,” Jones said.

No, Alex, I believe you said that. It’s interesting to note that his mind immediately goes to “rape” and “babies”. They are obsessed with pedophiles and pedophilia aren’t they? But Alex has some great sources doesn’t he? This is who he claims he gets his information from “the people on the inside” !

ALEX JONES (HOST): I wasn’t going to shoot a video or live report today because we didn’t have enough information. Then I began to get calls from my CIA sources, my high-level Army intelligence sources, and analysis from my Delta Force sources and just many others that there is no way, no way that this was an accident and that somebody pushed the wrong button because there’s five fail-safes. These are not computerized systems, they get computerized readings, but then humans have to flip off or on five switches to then manually activate the alert.

Now, again, this afternoon I started hearing about it, I looked at it, I see it, I think that sounds strange. I then start reading my Twitter, my Facebook, I see all these people that have veterans accounts and people in special operations who are known, public figures, saying this is impossible, there’s major fail-safes. Then my phone rings from not one, but two, one former State Department source, another CIA, then my phone rings from someone who associated with Delta Force, then I get some more phone calls, and they are like, “Why aren’t you covering this? This is huge. This is gigantic, this is meant to embarrass Trump, this is meant to destabilize things,” and it’s meant to distract from the fact that there were Uranium One indictments that turns out came out yesterday that nobody noticed, it broke today, those are on Infowars.com. With people connected to the Clintons, the indictments have happened. And also that there was reportedly, evidence shows, a second shooter in [Las] Vegas in the new FBI search warrants and that indeed, as our hostage rescue team sources at the FBI told us the day after it happened, that what we broke on air from our sources is exactly what’s in those and that he was an arms dealer and it was an arms deal gone bad.

This is a perfect use for air quotes. Alex claims he has top secret info from the CIA and Delta Force. I think he means more that he has sources from Delta House! Although with as crazy as they were, at least Bluto and the gang from Delta House know that Nazis and white supremacists are bad. And while on the lovely subject of child sex abuse (which only they are talking about), it should be noted that this is what Infowars correspondent and your creepy uncle’s creepy uncle Mike Cernovich had to say about this:

Mike Cernovich, the self-appointed leader of a movement he calls the “New Right” and a promoter of the “Pizzagate” conspiracy theory, told viewers last night that he believed “dark magic” was to blame for what he claimed is rampant pedophilia among political, Hollywood and “deep state” elites.

Last night, Cernovich aired a livestream in which he provided commentary on the day’s news. In the middle of the stream, Cernovich went a tangent to discuss the magical forces he believes to be at work in the world, as well as his personal magical practice.

“Everything I do is alchemy. That’s why I believe in magic. Not black magic, not the satanic magic that they practice in Hollywood and that the deep state practices and that the media practice. I believe in good magic, light magic, alchametic magic,” Cernovich said. “Alchametic magic is ‘How do I create something out of nothing purely through manifesting my will through power and light, which is value.’ That’s white magic. That’s alchametic magic.”

Cernovich went on to explain that he believed the turn of phrase “emotional vampire,” which refers to people that others perceive to be emotionally draining or unpleasant to those around them, is a form of “black magic and that is the magic that is taught by our culture.”

That’s what they want you to think, Mikey! They are obsessed with bullshit aren’t they? I mean you have raping babies, black magic, and now there’s a new conspiracy theory called “The Storm”. See, conspiracy theories are like worms – you can’t just kill one by cutting it in half, they grow new tentacles!

As we noted yesterday, Jerome Corsi, a right-wing “journalist” for the conspiracy theory website Infowars, has recently dedicated himself to covering “The Storm,” the right-wing conspiracy theory that asserts that President Trump is secretly working to take down a global ring of elite cannibalistic satanic pedophiles.

At the center of “The Storm” is a series of 8chan forum board posts penned by a figure or figures known only as “QAnon,” who many right-wing activists assert is actually a high-ranking official within the Trump administration—or possibly even Trump himself. Last weekend, during an appearance on a YouTube program hosted by Tracy Beanz, Corsi revealed that QAnon had recently confirmed his/her close ties to Trump by posting a photo of what Corsi claimed was a pen resting on Trump’s desk at Camp David.

“That’s the Laurel desk,” Corsi said while discussing the image in question. “It’s the one that Obama used and apparently Trump is also using at Camp David. That’s the desktop at Camp David.”

Wow, so he has proof that an illuminati exists because two presidents used the same desk and he stole the pen? That’s like having proof your cousin is an alcoholic because you stole his Total Wine gift card. I mean seriously how stupid and crazy is the Infowars cabal? He thinks Oprah is a black Nazi! Who is he? Dave Chappelle? I mean we went out in search of Black Nazis, only found one!

ALEX JONES (HOST): Oh, but look, there it is. Oprah’s home affected by California mudslides. Oh my gosh, just the concerted effort. Oh, she is just such an angel and it’s just all what a -- she’s such a survivor, she’s such a good person. She cares about everybody, and this is now what’s going on. Simply amazing.

And notice when I talked about her being a black Nazi, which being a part of the eugenics group, I mean that's what the Nazis were. There were plenty of black Nazis in World War II, you can actually look it up. The media thought that sounded crazy, so they ran with that. But when I got into her sticking her tongue into Weinstein and women saying she brought women to them and basically set them up and that she's been involved as a child prostitute, and all the rest of this stuff, and the fact she doesn't want her lesbianism -- nothing wrong with lesbianism, lady, it’s fine. The point is, just -- let’s get it out front and be proud of it. And nobody wanted to touch that, see, because, “Oh, you don’t talk about that with the grand leader.” I mean, she's like the shadow president now, they're about to say. Watch. She’s really like America’s conscience. It’s the phenomenon after Trump won, America stood up and she became the voice. She’s our mommy when she’s not sticking her filthy tongue in Harvey Weinstein’s fetid, scaley, diseased ear.

*Infomercial voice* But wait! There's more! So much more. I mean really, Alex needs to find a hobby because who would just sit in front of the TV and count how many times CNN said the word "shithole"? And do you really need to go on a profanity laced rant to make up for all the times CNN said "shithole"? Come on Alex, two wrongs don't make a right. Although Alex Jones is infinitely wrong, so are we dividing by zero here?

Alex Jones, the nutritional supplement huckster who leads Infowars, had a ballistic meltdown last night over the fact that CNN anchors said “shithole” on air after reports that President Trump used the term to describe Haiti and countries in Africa.

During a live stream yesterday, Jones appeared behind the scenes in the Infowars production booth to weigh in on the White House doctor’s comments that he had “no concerns” about Trump’s cognitive abilities. But Jones, of course, quickly shifted to other topics.

At one point, a member of the Infowars staff asked Jones and his posse if they thought it was “interesting” that CNN “was able to use ‘shithole’ 195 times” in its coverage of the president’s remarks.

“Yeah, but if I say it I get fined $4,000, exactly,” Jones said. He then began screaming: “CNN can say ‘shithole’ and you don’t fuckin’ bitch about it because you’re a goddamn cunt. You’re a fuckin’ mind-controlled fuck.”

The staffer said he doubted that he would see CNN kicked off Twitter.

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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
[br] [/font]

It’s time for a new installment of:

So not only am I drinking because we’re celebrating the 100th edition of the Top 10, I am drinking because I need something ridiculously strong to get through this one. Tell me, bartender, what pairs well with laundry detergent? Blue Curacao you say? But the detergent is blue colored! How would I be able to tell... Ah fuck it, so I’ll take my usual order of Jack Daniels mixed with Jack Daniels. We were originally going to do “People Are Dumb” for this edition but this one is so jaw-dropping, mind numbingly stupid that it needs its’ own entry. So teenagers are daring each other to eat laundry detergent. Yes, this is a thing. Yes, I am not making this up.

First, it was the "gallon challenge" and the "cinnamon challenge."

Then some teenagers started playing the "bath-salt challenge."

They have dared each other to pour salt in their hands and hold ice till it burns, douse themselves in rubbing alcohol and set themselves ablaze, and throw boiling water on unsuspecting peers.

Now videos circulating on social media are showing kids biting into brightly colored liquid laundry detergent packets. Or cooking them in frying pans, then chewing them up before spewing the soap from their mouths.

Experts say the game, dubbed the "Tide pod challenge," is dangerous.

"A lot of people were just saying how stupid I was or how - why would I be willing to do that?" 19-year-old Marc Pagan, who said he was dared to do it, told CBS News this week. "No one should be putting anything like that in their mouths, you know?"

Eating laundry detergent? Setting people on fire? Ingesting bath salts? I mean seriously? WTF is wrong with teenagers? Now where’s my drink at? Waitress! Seriously – this is truly beyond stupid. You are daring someone to eat fucking laundry detergent! This is poison! Something that has the potential, to, I don’t know – kill you! Even Snopes can’t believe this shit!

In January 2018, millions of cable TV viewers had their first encounter with the “Tide pod challenge”—an online and social media phenomenon in which someone with a camera (usually a teenager) films themselves biting into one of the laundry detergent pods.

“A government watchdog is expressing concern over the dangerous misuse of a laundry detergent,” CBS News reported on 12 January. “In this latest social media fad, teenagers are putting detergent pods in their mouths in what’s being called the ‘Tide Pod Challenge.'”

“I can’t even believe I have to say this right now,” said Good Morning America‘s Diane Macedo. “They are brightly colored and they’re very nicely wrapped, but these Tide pods are not candy or pizza toppings or breakfast cereal—they are not edible.”

We’ve received several enquiries from readers wanting to know whether people really were putting laundry detergent in their mouths on camera. They are.

Ah where ya been man? I think I need another one – at least with alcohol you get some enjoyment out of it. With a Tide Pod you don’t. In fact this is so serious that the Tide Corporation actually partnered with Patriots tight end and Bro Magazine’s partier of the year Rob Gronkowski, to tell you not to eat Tide Pods!

PROVIDENCE, R.I. (WJAR) — In a humorous public service announcement with a serious message, New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski teams up with Tide to tell children not to eat colorful laundry detergent packets.

"What the heck is going on, people?" Gronk says during a 21-second video Tide shared on social media Friday night.

The football superstar was referring to a new online challenge that encourages children and teenagers to record themselves eating a Tide POD.

"Do not eat!" Gronk yells, sounding like a scolding parent. "Use Tide PODs for washing, not eating."

We got to show that PSA because it’s pretty spectacular:


Now you might ask yourself “It’s all well and good but what do the kids actually think about this?” Well I answer you with this:

YORK TOWNSHIP, YORK COUNTY, Pa. -- You`ve probably seen it circling the internet. It's called the `Tide Pods challenge` where teens dare each other to eat tide laundry detergent pods and it's gone viral.

"When I first saw it I was like wow that's crazy," said Idelisse Cordero of York Township.

Cordero says her 13-year-old daughter showed her one of the videos on her phone.

"I just can't believe you know that kids would even think about doing something like that," said Cordero. "It's the first time I've heard of it."

But this has also got the attention of the medical community. I can’t imagine any emergency room doctor not just giving a giant eye roll after telling a patient how stupid they are for actually partaking in this competition:

According to the American Association of Poison Control Centers, there were more than 10,500 reported exposures to highly concentrated laundry detergent by children age 5 and younger in 2017.

If someone swallows a small amount of the concentrated detergent in the pods, it could result in diarrhea and vomiting. And it can even creep into the lungs and burn the respiratory tract, making it incredibly difficult to breathe, Dr. Alfred Aleguas Jr., managing director of the Florida Poison Information Center told USA Today.

The D.C.-based not-for-profit National Capital Poison Center reported that biting into a pod can cause “serious injury or even death.” Rubbing the product into the eyes can make the eyes burn, too.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat????? There have been 10,500 cases reported?? That is fucking insane! No, I am not eating one because we still have to get to the end and the Foo Fighters are coming on! Sorry! But really this is why we can’t have nice things, and how we get Trump as our president:

Tide Pods contain detergent. For washing your clothes and your sheets. Not for eating. Doesn’t matter how much they look like a snack, or a candy, or an oversize Gushers. You shouldn’t eat them unless you’d like to, well, potentially die. A child might not know better, so you should probably keep them out of reach of little hands — these things have killed before — for safety. (Or just buy some boring, cheaper, non-pod detergent. It works better anyway.) If you, after all of this, are still looking at a Tide Pod and thinking, Maybe just a little bit … you definitely shouldn’t go on Twitter today. Tide Pod–eating, a long-running internet joke, has reached something of a fever pitch this December.

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[font size="8"]World Tour 2018 Destination #2: Poland
[br] [/font]

Part of our mission statement here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots is to show you that conservative idiocy isn’t just a problem with America. No, it’s a global problem that is stemming far and wide, and it’s not just America where conservative idiots ruin everything they touch. And if you’re thinking of moving out of the United States just because Donald J. Trump is our current president and our nation is turning to shit, you should know what it is you’re getting into should you decide that you want to leave the country. Last week, we discovered that our first stop, Spain, was the subject of a Putin power grab and it is not going over well. Here’s the tour schedule:

[font size="6"]Poland[/font]

So we are back in Eastern Europe everybody! Man it feels good doesn’t it! Nobody does it like Eastern Europe, and nobody parties harder than Eastern Europe, am I right? So we are hanging out in the beautiful port city of Gdansk. We’re not going to do Polish jokes because I hear that they apparently hate that sort of thing. But Poland is a beautiful country. It’s the home of such large cities with rich history as Krakow, Gdansk, Lodz, Wroclaw, and the capital of Warsaw. While you’re here, be sure to visit the Auschwitz Museum – yes it’s the site of the you know what. Yeah I really don’t want to go into the history of World War II because we could literally spend all day on it, and I don’t have that kind of time! This is an hour show here, people! So yeah let’s switch the subject. Naturally, the most popular sport in Poland is football. Or soccer, whatever you want to call it. We won’t judge here. But what else is Poland the home of? Why it’s the home of what could be the next “fuck the EU” election.

EU President Donald Tusk warned that Poland’s right-wing government could try to drive the country out of the European Union if it stops being a net recipient of bloc funding, in an interview published on Wednesday.

The former liberal Polish premier and arch-rival of the governing Law and Justice (PiS) party spoke at a time when Poland is mired in conflict with the EU over various issues, including the controversial judicial reforms that led Brussels to launch unprecedented disciplinary proceedings against Warsaw last month.

"For PiS the benefit of being in the EU boils down to the balance of payments, with a complete disregard for other benefits like the common market, legal order, guaranteed security, etc," Tusk told the Tygodnik Powszechny news weekly.

"As long as we’re not a net contributor, the game is worth the candle for them. So I can easily imagine a situation where if one day Poland finds itself among the (net) contributors, the Polish government will decide that it’s time to ask Poles if they still want Poland in the EU and then will work hard so that they come to the conclusion that it’s necessary to say goodbye to membership."

Yeah so what do we call this? Polxit? Polexit? Poxit? Whatever you call it, it appears to be a situation that is going to turn out just as fucked up as Brexit is / was, and it could take years, decades to fix before it unravels. So why are they so angry at the EU? Well it might be anti-globalist talk.

Poland's president says that the EU is partly to blame for what he called "social disillusionment"

Andrzej Duda was speaking at a New Year reception for foreign ambassadors held at the presidential palace in Warsaw.

He said EU institutions have been deaf to the needs of member states, pointing to Brexit and recent elections in some nations:

"European Union institutions should take their share of responsibility for this social disillusionment with the integration and should analyse the mistakes made. It is the task of EU institutions (to build) a harmonious European policy, but not to stigmatise, divide and antagonise European nations."

I think this is what a second Brexit is going to look like, guys! But guess what? You know how we here have been going on and on about our Russia problem? And then last week we discovered that Spain had a Russia problem as well? Well…

The democratic backsliding in Poland continues under the leadership of the Law and Justice (PiS) government. Over the past two years, PiS has gradually stripped the judicial branch of its independence and tightened its grip over the media.

PiS has now taken aim at Poland’s election process. The Polish Senate supported the election reform bill on Dec. 21 and the lower house of the Polish Parliament, the Sejm, passed it early this morning. Now the bill will go to President Andrzej Duda for his decision.

The electoral law reform proposes a set of seemingly innocuous changes. However, two administrative reforms within the bill concerning the National Election Commission and the National Election Bureau could centralize PiS’s control over elections and further weaken democratic checks and balances in Poland. Here’s the story.

The box! The box! The box! Oh great mystery box, what wonders do you hold? The answers we seek shall lie within! OK back on the subject. Well at least it’s good to know that Poland’s anti-environmentalists are about the same as America’s anti-environmentalists. Does Poland have their own version of Fox News too?

WARSAW: Poland will comply with an EU court order to stop cutting trees in Bialowieza forest, except where public safety has to be ensured, its new environment minister said on Friday: words certain to disappoint campaigners who want logging to end there.

A UNESCO World Heritage site, Bialowieza, which straddles the border with Belarus, is one of Europe's last primeval forests and home to its largest herd of European bison as well as unique birds and insects.

Earlier this month, Henryk Kowalczyk replaced Jan Szyszko in a government reshuffle, raising environmentalists' hopes this would bring a policy change on the logging issue.

Szyszko approved a tripling of the quota of wood that can be harvested in one of three administrative areas of the Bialowieza Forest in March 2016 to stop a beetle outbreak.

Read more at https://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/world/poland-s-new-environment-minister-signals-little-change-on-forest-logging-9856846

Yeah poor Milhouse! But you know back to Polexit, there are already worries that if this vote were to actually go through and get approved, well, the residents are, and should be worried! But you know we’re supposed to be a comedy show here, no need for alarm! Or…. Is there?

A vote on sanctions against Poland over its rule of law issues would give the EU "sleepless nights" and should be avoided, Bulgarian prime minister Boyko Borisov said on Thursday (11 January).

"We should not get to this point," Borisov, whose country has just taken over the presidency of the EU Council - the institution where member states meet - told journalists in Sofia.

Last month, the European Commission triggered article 7 of the EU treaty to open a sanctions procedure against Warsaw.

The commission said that unless the Polish government steps back before the end of March, it would ask the council to declare that "there is a clear risk of a serious breach by the Republic of Poland of the rule of law."

But you know since we like to end on the lighter side, there is one thing people should be aware of before spouting anti-globalist bullshit. Globalism – gasp – is good for the economy!

Meanwhile, Polish residents spent PLN 6.8 billion (EUR 1.6 billion) while travelling abroad, a 6.5 percent increase on the third quarter of 2016, according to Poland’s Central Statistical Office (GUS).

Germany accounted for just under half of expenditure abroad by Polish residents crossing a land border, while the Czech Republic accounted for a third.

GUS also said that there were 82.6 million border crossings during the third quarter, with foreigners accounting for 47.9 million of these.

Almost three quarters of border crossings were along a land border with another EU country, with the majority of these occurring along the Polish-German border.

[font size="6"]The Verdict & Scorecard[/font]

This was not an easy country to find a lot of information on the categories we were looking for, but we did it, and well – I would say definitely visit Poland. But as for moving here? I hear they don’t take too kindly to outsiders.

Tourism: B+
Culture: A
Political Spectrum: D
Liberal Appeal: B

Overall: C-

[font size="6"]Next Week[/font]

So I know we’ve already got a tour schedule in place, and I know it says Lithuania next week, but we’re going to redo it! Yes something unprecedented in Top 10 history! And we’re going to visit places Trump and his fans call “shitholes”, starting with Haiti! Meet the new tour schedule!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Foo Fighters[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, for our 100th edition, what better band to get than one of the world’s biggest and most awesome bands? Their new album is called “Concrete And Gold”, playing their song “The Sky Is A Neighborhood”, give it up for the one, the only, FOO FIGHTERS!!!

Wait? They want to stick around for one more? Sure!

See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: City National Grove Of Anaheim, Anaheim, CA
Special Thanks To: City National Grove Management
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
Graphics: Top 10 Graphics Department
Research: Top 10 Research Department
Lighting & Stage Props: Top 10 Lighting Department
Legal: Top 10 Legal Department
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HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Poland Hosting: Gdańska Firma Rozrywkowa
Foo Fighters Appear Courtesy Of: RCA Records
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
Follow The Top 10 @ DUInitechTop10

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

January 10, 2018

Top 10 Conservative Idiots: The Complete Fourth Season

Top 10 Conservative Idiots: The Complete Fourth Season: Heroes Rise

Season 3: https://www.democraticunderground.com/100210008235
Season 2: https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029078791
Season 1: https://www.democraticunderground.com/1016169212

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! We are well into 2018 and we are stead fast into predicting that this will be not only the year of Donald Trump’s unraveling but also the year the conservative party goes bye bye and new democratic heroes emerge. Which is why we’re continuing our tradition of titling our seasons after the seasons on one of my current favorite TV shows – Gotham. The 4th season of Gotham was titled “Heroes Rise” because it’s the time when (spoiler alert) Bruce Wayne realizes that he has a higher purpose in life and begins to become the hero we all know and love as Batman. So here’s all the editions of the Top 10 as they become available and we will continue to edit and refine this list with all the features and segments you all know and love, and all the amazing musical guests we have on the show, plus that one time the Foo Fighters dropped in for our 100th edition to promote their awesome album “Concrete And Gold”. So here you go. The complete 4th season of the Top 10 Conservative Idiots. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

Edition #4-1: Crazy Equals Stable Genius Edition (1/11/18) (edition #99)

Donald Trump is the subject of a completely insane tell all book by former CNN reporter Michael Wolff that contradicts nearly everything he’s said and done in his first year in office. Trump also claims that he is a “stable genius”. We also get considered for Trump’s “Fake News Awards”, discuss his butchered national anthem appearance, and speculate on whether or not Oprah will run for president. We add Devin Nunes to the ever-growing list of “People Who Somehow Got Elected”. In our weekly sermon of all things holy, “Holy Shit”, we recap all the insane ways that the Christian right celebrated the holidays and their shady after hours activities. Alex Jones has gone off the deep end, even more so than usual. In “People Are Dumb”, we discuss the Thai sensation known as penis whitening, while Florida Man did not disappoint over the Christmas break. Finally we’ve got the first leg of our brief but glorious 2018 World Tour where we visit the land of paella, tapas, and a possible coup – Spain!
Live Musical Guest: Primus

Edition #4-2: What Can Brown Do For You? Edition (1/17/18) (#100!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Fox News completely ignores and supports yet another racist comment made by Donald Trump when he refers to a certain number of countries as "shithole countries". The State of Hawaii is under extreme panic after an accidental text tells people that a ballistic missile is incoming. Trump golfs during the whole thing. Trump's Miami mega mansion Mar A Lago is deemed the real shithole in all of this mess. Sheriff Joe is running for Senate and he courts the Infowars vote. In our weekly sermon of all things holy, Holy Shit, we talk about the Christian right's extreme paranoia when it comes to the possibility of losing power. Sarah Huckabee Sanders uses her government account to attack Amazon after her kid allegedly uses an Alexa device to order a Batman toy. The White Male Groper's Club adds some new members including Marvel's Stan Lee (what???) and Netflix's Aziz Ansari. Alex Jones and his Infowars cabal offer some insane new theories on the "Deep State (tm)". In "I Need A Drink", we discuss the insane new craze of teenagers eating laundry detergent pods and getting immediately sent to the emergency room. And our next stop of our World Tour 2018 takes us to Germany's favorite neighbors Poland - where we discover that Putin might be plotting his next move.
Live Musical Guest: Foo Fighters

Edition #4-3: Wheel Of Corruption & The Sorcerer's Stone Edition (1/24/18)

We recap the Women's March to mark the one year anniversary of when Donald Trump was installed by Russia as the president of the United States. It has been a year? We also discuss exactly what Trump was doing with porn star Stormy Daniels and a copy of Forbes Magazine (warning: viewer discretion is advised!). The extremely questionable results of Trump's physical were released and we demand to see a copy of his long form girth certificate. During the government shut down, Trump is oddly silent but then is seen planning a massive ass-kissing anniversary party at Mar-A-Lago only to bail at the last minute. In our weekly sermon of all things holy, "Holy Shit", we talk about how the Christian right reached a new low, while talking about their reaction to "The Shape Of Water", and Trump's appearance at "March For Life". Chelsea Manning threw her hat into the ring for US Senate, but whose side is she on? We also talk about the aftermath of Hawaii's insane 30 minute short Missile Crisis. Mark Taylor gets profiled in this week's "This Fucking Guy". In People Are Dumb, there are a multitude of stupid people including a guy tripping on a Viagra overdose and a rapper who penned a song called "Sell Drugz" arrested for selling drugs! And the first stop of our Shithole World Tour 2018 is taking us to the island country of Haiti!
Live Musical Guest: Lana Del Rey

Edition #4-4: State Of The Uniom Edition (1/31/18)

Sean Hannity fails at attempting to divert attention from the fact that he may be indicted by Mueller to cover a high speed chase in Arizona from an anti-government "sovereign citizen". Devin Nunes claims to have a memo about a secret society calling itself "The Secret Society". Donald Trump takes a trip to Davos, Switzerland where he gets booed in front of the world's global elite. We also recap Trump's first SOTU the Idiots Way. Alex Jones claims to have gotten his hands on a copy of Devin Nunes' memo and releases it anyway only to find it's not the real memo. In our weekly sermon of all things holy, "Holy Shit", we detail the extreme hypocrisy of fundamentalist Christians in defending Trump's outrageous and unpresidential behavior. Trump's financier Steve Wynn joins the White Male Groper's Club. Vince McMahon is busy preparing the launch of a new, conservative friendly version of the NFL, taking the name of the once failed XFL. In "I Need A Drink", we get drunk and profile the Continental Bar in New York City, a bar that became famous for banning use of the word literally. Finally the next leg of our Shithole World Tour is heading to the West African country of Ghana!
Live Musical Guest: Anti-Flag

Edition #4-5: Better Dead Than Red State Edition (2/7/18)

Donald Trump goes ahead and releases the controversial memo that implicates bias in the FBI's investigation only to find out it's a spectacular fail. Rather than discuss whatever nonsense Trump was up to, instead we turn our sights to the SpaceX corporation and their launch of the Falcon Heavy drone. We introduce you to Arthur Jones, an actual, real-life Illinois Nazi (cue the Blues Brothers references). Paul Ryan fails at explaining how raises work. We debut our new segment "Top 10 Investigates" where we take you deep inside a Neo Nazi themed MMA fight club and tell you how the Alt Right is working harder than ever to organize hate groups on college campuses. In our weekly sermon of all things holy, Holy Shit, after Pat Robertson almost met god, we go looking for signs that god actually does exist, or not. Dodge RAM takes some heat for a Super Bowl commercial in which they completely skew the message in Martin Luther King's "I Have A Dream" speech, while PepsiCo debuts a sexist new product called "Lady Doritos". We play a game of "Is It Racist" where we discuss whether or not the Cleveland Indians' controversial Chief Wahoo logo is in fact racist. Spoiler alert! Probably. In "I Need A Drink", we get drunk and discuss the topic of emotional support peacocks. And finally the next stop of our Shithole World Tour takes us to the Central American nation of El Salvador!
Live Musical Guest: The Roots (Black History Month!)

Edition #4-6: I Fought The Shut Down (And The Shut Down Won) Edition (2/14/18) Valentine's Day Special

Rand Paul stages a one man protest into a pending total government shut down when he questions wasteful government spending and gets his facts completely wrong. Meanwhile, at the Olympics, Mike Pence goes to Korea and stages his own anthem protest of sorts. Trump defends the latest guy to resign from his administration for being a serial spousal abuser. Sean Hannity believes that the official Obama presidential portrait was painted with sperm. We have a new installment of Top 10 Investigates, where we take you inside the town of Bay View, Michigan - where only registered Christians are allowed to own property. In our weekly sermon of all things holy, Holy Shit, we talk about how the Christian right loves to blame the victim because that's what Jesus would want, while cooking up some insane conspiracy theories. The Alt Right is up to its' usual bag of tricks, and to counter 4Chan's white supremacist greeting cards, we write our own white supremacist Valentine's Day cards. Meanwhile, in London, Julian Assange loses his bid to have his arrest warrant revoked. We have a new installment of People Are Dumb which includes a Florida Goodwill store where they found a loaded grenade launcher, while our Flat Earth friend's attempt to launch himself in a rocket fails, again. And the latest installment of our Shithole World Tour 2018 takes us to the scenic South American country of Chile!
Live Musical Guest: Rhianna

Edition #4-7: 3 Billboards Outside Parkland, Florida Edition (2/21/18)

Once again, another week and another mass shooting. This time at a high school in Parkland, Florida. To recap the insanity, we play a game of Gun Nut Bingo and take aim (natch) at Gun Nut Apologists. We also talk about the aftermath of the shooting and the reaction coming from the students isn't exactly what you would expect. Trump celebrates President's Day by trashing his opponent on Twitter, and blames the FBI for not doing enough to prevent the tragedy that happened. In our weekly sermon of all things holy, Holy Shit, we explore the Christian right's very predictable reaction to a mass tragedy. We have a new installment of our ongoing series "Top 10 Investigate" where we ask the question "Is your phone spying on you?" Spoiler alert! Probably. Ultra far right conspiracy theorist Jerome Corsi is profiled in a new installment of "This Fucking Guy". Alex Jones once again touts that the shooting was a false flag. We have a new installment of "I Need A Drink" where we get drunk and talk an epic poultry shortage affecting fast food restaurants across the UK. And the penultimate stop of our Shithole World Tour takes us back to the USSR as we visit Mother Russia!
Live Musical Guest: Future

Edition #4-8: Wheel Of Corruption & The Chamber Of Secrets Edition (2/28/18)

The Wheel Of Corruption is back! We recap the Conservative Political Action Conference the Idiots way! The Florida House GOP tells those protesting gun control to go fuck themselves. The NRA loses sponsors left and right. Alex Jones attempts some third world style protest interruption - and it backfires on him big time. Trump gives his CPAC speech and goes off the deep end. Wayne La Pierre loses it completely. We have a new installment of our ongoing series "Top 10 Investigates" where we take Tesla's controversial autopilot system out for a spin. In our weekly sermon of all things holy, Holy Shit, the Christian right has quite literally become self aware. We discuss the death of Billy Graham by playing you some of his more controversial musings. We take a break and refute the NRA's most famous talking point by showing you some idiots with guns. We have a new installment of People Are Dumb which includes a school in Louisiana mistaking a square root sign for a gun while police in California arrest a wannabe cowboy who took a horse for a joyride down the freeway. And the final installment of our Shithole World Tour takes us back home as we put the good ol' USA through our World Tour filter!
Live Musical Guest: Parliament

Edition #4-9: Give My Regards To Mr. Magoo Edition (3/7/18)

To close out the first half of Season 4 - Donald Trump hits a milestone - 100 days spent on the golf course. Remember when he said he would have no time for golf while he was president? LIAR!!! Trump also has his worst week ever when Jared is stripped of his security clearance, while Mueller investigates Ivanka's activities. Vladimir Putin unveils a new super weapon called "Satan 2" that could potentially kill a whole lot of us. In a shocking display of unfiltered corporate greed, United Airlines replaces its' employees' bonuses with a lottery system. We have a new installment of "Top 10 Investigates" where we tell you about a serious income inequality crisis brewing at the (formerly) happiest place on earth, Disneyland. In our weekly sermon of all things holy, Holy Shit, Pastor Initech will introduce you to a church where you can literally marry your gun, if you're into that sort of thing. Sponsors are leaving Infowars, while Alex Jones holds a very poorly attended pro-Trump rally in Austin, Texas. Ben Carson goes shopping at Government Ikea and spends as much on furniture as one would on a car. In "I Need A Drink", we get drunk and discuss some actual booze news including Johnny Walker's new women-oriented marketing campaign called "Jane Walker" and celebrate the health benefits of tequila by downing a few shots. And we end this edition with the kickoff of our Stupidest State Contest 2018 and we'll make a run through of all the states lucky enough to participate in this year's tournament. It's Selection Sunday!
Live Musical Guest: Weird Al Yankovic

*Top 10 takes a week off*

Edition #4-10: The Trumper Games: You're Fired! Edition (3/21/18)

Rex Tillerson and Andrew McCabe are the latest tributes who are eliminated from the contest known as the Trumper Games, and their replacements are much worse. Facebook bans a controversial pro Trump research group called Cambridge Analytica after it was found to have illegally gathered data on millions of users. Meanwhile in Russia, Vladimir Putin was caught rigging his own election while Trump congratulates Grand Exalted Leader after being warned not to. We discuss the pending Senate candidacy of convicted felon Don Blankenship and the pending disaster it could provide. We have a new installment of "How Is This Still A Thing" and this time we're going to ask: Swatting. How Is This Still A Thing?. In our weekly sermon of all the wacky things the Christian right is up to in "Holy Shit", pastor Initech goes looking for the existence of demons in the death of noted physicist Stephen Hawking, because a preacher said so. We have a new installment of "Top 10 Investigates" in which we explore the financial troubles facing Marvel head honcho Stan Lee and it's not a good situation. Plus Stan Lee cameos galore! The Alt Right go full batshit crazy when Mike Cernovich mimics a cult leader, while they plan to launch their own version of CPAC, because, free speech. In "I Need A Drink we're going to get drunk and enjoy a burger that's being prepared by Pasadena's own Flippy The Robot. And finally it's the long awaited tip off of our Stupidest State contest! In Round 1 Week 1, we're live from Honda Center in Anaheim as Iowa tries to out crazy Kentucky, while Arizona is bringing their big guns to a showdown with Montana in a rematch of last year's conference championship!
Live Musical Guest: Arcade Fire

Edition #4-11: Run The Jewels Live From Uranus Edition (3/28/18)

We recap all the things from the March For Our Lives protest by showing some of the best protest signs and some of the crazier stories from Saturday's protest. We also recap the 60 Minutes interview with Trump's favorite porn star Stormy Daniels. The latest tribute eliminated in The Trumper Games is H.R. McMaster - and wait until you see who his replacement is! NRA TV hijacks an interview with Run The Jewels' Killer Mike and uses it to discredit Saturday's protestors. In our weekly sermon of all the wacky things is up to in Holy Shit, our resident pastor is going to do a deep dive into the burgeoning world of Christian cinema. In this week's edition of "Top 10 Investigates" we're going to investigate why the world's biggest toy store - Toys R Us - is going under. Alex Jones cooks up one of his most insane conspiracy theories yet involving globalism. Fox News' Steve Doocy talks directly to Trump once again and it is both scary and crazy. We have a new installment of "People Are Dumb" because, well, people are dumb, and this week there are some good ones. Finally this week we have the next installment of our Stupidest State contest! This week we're live from the beautiful T Mobile Arena in Las Vegas with a double header as Kansas goes for broke against West Virginia, while newcomer Indiana attempts to take on the champs Alabama in a Family Values faceoff!
Live Musical Guest: Stone Temple Pilots

Edition #4-12: Wheel Of Corruption & The Goblet Of Fire Edition (4/4/18)

Gun Nut Apologists go completely apeshit at the mere mention of Parkland shooting survivor David Hogg, to the point where they are just flat-out stalking him. Our ratings obsessed president Trump calls Roseanne to congratulate her on her high ratings. Trump also celebrates the annual White House Easter Egg Roll by turning it into a campaign rally with a freaked out Easter bunny. Another Trump firing means that the Trumper Games is back! Happy Trumper Games! We add Wisconsin governor Scott Walker to the growing list of "People Who Somehow Got Elected" after he was caught trying to rig the Wisconsin Supreme Court elections. And he lost. In "Top 10 Investigates" - we show you the fallout of the Volkswagen EPA emissions scandal by going inside their automotive landfill at the Southern California Logistics Airport in Victorville, California. In our weekly sermon of all the wacky things the Christian right is up to in "Holy Shit", our resident pastor predicts the future and how to handle it after the Christian right already calls 2020 for Trump. We delve deep into the insane RW conspiracy theory known as "The Storm" after Sinclair Broadcasting forces its' anchors to report on it. We have a new installment of "I Need A Drink" in which we get drunk and discuss one of the more insane rules of professional hockey. And finally it's the next round of our Stupidest State contest. This time it's Round 1 Week 3 and we're live from the desert in Phoenix, Arizona, as Wisconsin goes for broke against Nevada, while Florida brings their big guns to the dance against Louisiana.
Live Musical Guest: The Decemberists

Edition #4-13: Lawyer-Ception: A Trial Within A Trial Edition (4/11/18)

Perhaps the biggest elimination yet for the Trumper Games comes in the form of Trump's own attorney Michael Cohen - who was eliminated after being arrested in a Mueller probe. Trump sends troops to the Mexican border after he's fed some bad intel from Fox News, because, reasons. The Alt Right plans a march in Washington DC to protest an insane conspiracy theory but no one participates. Gun Nut Apologists including Ted Nugent and Jamie Allman go full Hitler when discussing Parkland student David Hogg. In Top 10 Investigates, we discuss what happens when you use the Waze app and it steers you in the wrong direction. In our weekly sermon of all things holy, Holy Shit, our resident pastor is going to show you how to pick the more godly candidate because, Jesus. We have a new installment of "This Fucking Guy" where we profile batshit crazy Infowars and Project Veritas regular Laura Loomer. Wow, is she certifiably insane. Alex Jones has gone off the deep end, which isn't that hard for him to do. We also have a new installment of "People Are Dumb" which includes a guy trying to fight a moose (and loses) and a prison offering free pizza for serial masturbators. And finally it's the last week of round 1 of our Stupidest State contest and this time we're live from the home of the Los Angeles Chargers, Stub Hub Center, and this week it's a battle of the batshit as Virginia takes on the champs, Texas, while Utah and Missouri duke it out in a family values faceoff.
Live Musical Guest: Suicidal Tendencies

Edition #4-14: Debbie Does The Deep State Edition (4/18/18)

Donald Trump sends a missile strike to Syria - with love - and immediately declares "Mission Accomplished", George W Bush style. Trump plans another weekly visit to Mar-A-Lago while Stormy Daniels pays a visit to the strip club up the street. Michael Cohen's mysterious 3rd client has been revealed and shocker - it's Sean Hannity! We recap all the insanity that happened when Mark Zuckerberg went to Washington and testified before Congress about the allegations surrounding Facebook. In a new edition of "Top 10 Investigates", we take a look at the unfriendly skies surrounding America's low cost airlines. In our weekly sermon of all things holy, Holy Shit, our resident pastor goes looking for proof that demons exist after an insane rant from Alex Jones. We have a new installment of "This Fucking Guy" and this week we're profiling the owner of the Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival - Phil Anschutz, whose personal beliefs go against that of the very festival he owns. Alex Jones may have had his worst week ever, while the Alt Right is up to their usual shenanigans. We have a new installment of "I Need A Drink" where we get drunk and talk about how the star of the nostalgia video game documentary "The King Of Kongs" was stripped of his title. And finally the Elite 8 has been set! For the Stupidest State contest this week we're live from the home of the San Jose Sharks, HP Pavilion, and this week it's Round 2 Week 1 and it's the Gun Nut Championship! This time around, Florida is bringing their big guns against Montana. The winner moves on to the Final Four, the loser goes home.
Live Musical Guest: NOFX

Edition #4-15: We Are Both Dragon Energy Edition (4/25/18)

After a planned Neo Nazi rally in Georgia goes horribly awry, we ask: "Neo Nazism: How Is This Still A Thing?". After Sean Hannity is outed as Michael Cohen's mysterious third client and things spiral out of control from there. Alex Jones gets sued by the parents of the victims of the Sandy Hook and attempts to walk back over 5 years of horrifying slander against the families. Trump attempts to combine his two favorite hobbies while Melania attends Barbara Bush's funeral and is serenaded by Obama. In a new edition of Top 10 Investigates, we explore the horrifying hazing and racism that is going on at America's fraternities, specifically one that is happening at Syracuse University. In our weekly sermon of all things holy, Holy Shit, our resident pastor is going to call out his fellow religious patrons on their support of our unholy president. The Alt Right loves Kanye West after he tweets out his support of an anti-Black Lives Matter pundit. We explore the feud between our good friends at Right Wing Watch and James Dobson's Focus On The Family for their controversial tax avoidance scheme. We have a new edition of People Are Dumb which includes stories of stoned raccoons, stupid criminals, Florida Man, and New York mayor Bill DeBlasio's speech getting hilariously interrupted by rodents. Plus it's time for Round 2 Week 2 of our Stupidest State contest and we're live at the home of the Golden State Warriors, Oracle Arena, for the Family Values Conference Championship! It's Alabama Vs Missouri in a winner take all fight to play Florida for the Flyover League championship!
Live Musical Guest: The Offspring

Edition #4-16: My Beautiful Dark Twisted MAGA Fantasy Edition (5/3/18)

We recap the inevitable shit show from conservative crybabies that followed Michelle Wolf's take no prisoners tirade at the White House Correspondents Dinner. The Korean War finally ends after 50 years of conflict between North and South Korea, and Trump claims to have taken credit for it, but sources prove he didn't. Kanye West auditions to be Trump's BFF after an extremely bizarre tweetstorm. Trump's new Secretary of State Mike Pompeo gets profiled in this week's "This Fucking Guy". In a new edition of our ongoing series Top 10 Investigates, we're going deep inside the Nxivm cult that was made famous by Smallville actress Allison Mack. In our weekly sermon of all things holy, Holy Shit, we discuss the closing of Memories Pizza - a pizza parlor made famous at the center of the gay wedding controversy. In one of the most astonishingly stupid business moves of the modern era, Ford Motor Company's new CEO announces that it is going to axe most of its' product line. We have a new installment of People Are Dumb, which includes a visit from Florida Man, a guy channeling his inner Walter White, a preacher causing panic during Avengers: Infinity War, and a politician pointing a rifle at an 18 year old kid during a TV promo. Finally this week it's the next round of our Stupidest State contest - and this week it's Round 2 Week 3 and we're live in the Pacific Northwest at the home of the Trailblazers - Moda Center in Portland, Oregon, for the Batshit Conference championship - and it's Kentucky vs Virginia in a winner take all fight to the death!
Live Musical Guest: Rancid

Edition #4-17: Wheel Of Corruption & The Prisoner Of Azkhaban Edition (5/9/18)

Trump turns against the increasingly popular opinion on banning assault rifles by telling the NRA's annual convention that their right to own guns is under attack. The NRA names Oliver North as its' new president and we delve into his history of light treason. Melania Trump unveils her new anti-bullying campaign called "Be Best" and is immediately accused of plagiarism from the previous administration. We have a new installment of "How Is This Still A Thing" and ask - "The House Chaplain - How Is This Still A Thing?". In our weekly investigative piece "Top 10 Investigates", we profile Amazon's search for a host city for its' second mega warehouse and why you don't want that coming to your city. In our weekly sermon of all things holy, Holy Shit, our resident pastor does a deep dive into all the wacky survival products being offered by end times conspiracy theorist Jim Bakker. We add Kentucky governor Matt Bevin to the growing list of "People Who Somehow Got Elected". Alex Jones thinks Skynet is real, while the rumor that Kanye West went on Infowars during his insane tirade is proven to be untrue. We have a new installment of "I Need A Drink" in which we get drunk and tell you all the ways you can turn the forthcoming nuptials between Prince Harry and Megan Markle into money making opportunities. Finally it's nearing the end of Stupidest State 2018 and this week we're live in Sacramento at the beautiful new Golden 1 Center as Wisconsin takes on West Virginia for the Fiscal Irresponisibility Championship.
Live Musical Guest: A Perfect Circle

Edition #4-18: Left Behind: Infinity War Edition (5/16/18)

Donald Trump secures his quest to win a Nobel Peace Prize by bringing us a step closer to nuclear armageddon. The US Embassy opens in Jerusalem to a terrorist attack. We explore Trump's addiction to Fox News after he retweets how he's going to open the American embassy in Jerusalem. We bring back Three's Company to explain the relationship between Trump and his current attorney Rudy Guiliani and former attorney Michael Cohen. New NRA president Oliver North compares the Parkland students to terrorists. The GOP says goodbye to John McCain in the most arrogant, classless GOP way possible. In our weekly investigative piece "Top 10 Investigates", we profile the controversial Incel movement and what can be done about it. In our weekly sermon of all things holy, Holy Shit, our resident pastor is going to tell about the guy Trump appointed to lead the opening prayer at the new embassy. Alex Jones and Jerome Corsi have formally thrown in the towel on the 4chan celebrity poster known as QAnon. We have a new installment of "I Need A Drink" in which we get drunk and tell you about the SCOTUS decision to overturn the federal ban on sports gambling and we discuss what that means for the future of gambling. We show you some of the ways that the GOP is channeling their inner Nazi. Finally it's time for the Final Four of our Stupidest State contest and this week we're live at the Fabulous Forum in Inglewood, California for a double matchup where Florida takes on Missouri in the Layover League while Kentucky takes on Wisconsin in the Flyover League. Winners move on to the championship, losers go home!
Live Musical Guest: Post Malone

Edition #4-19: Too Many Exits Edition (5/23/18)

Season finale! Another week, another mass shooting - this time it's at a high school in a Houston suburb, and the shooter is a MAGA Trump fan who had Nazi paraphernalia and loves Hitler. And a MAGA fan shows up with a gun at the school minutes after the shooting, while a Kent State graduate poses with a semi-automatic outside the school and ignites the outrage machine. Gun Nut Apologists *AGAIN* continue to defend their guns more than they do life. Texas Lt. Governor Dan Patrick and Gov. Greg Abbott come up with some mind blowingly stupid solutions to stop mass shootings. We introduce you to Aaron Schlossberg, a New York Attorney and major Trump supporter who went full MAGA on a group of unsuspecting Latino workers and is subjected to some creative protests. In our weekly investigative segment "Top 10 Investigates", we take a look at some frightening and guaranteed to shock you statistics about America's love of firearms. In our weekly segment concerning all things holy, Holy Shit, our resident pastor is going to show you some of the ways the ultra far right is working to bring about the apocalypse through their support of Trump. Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke gets profiled in this week's "This Fucking Guy" segment after he announces some absolutely horrifying changes in the rules imposed on hunters in Alaska. Alex Jones hopes to turn Infowars into a 24/7 news source and has already started looking for white nationalist candidates. We have a new segment of "People Are Dumb" which includes censored graduation cakes, creepy perverts, and microwaves blowing up. Finally it's time to crown the winner of our 2018 Stupidest State Contest! Kentucky. Florida. The cream of the crop. We are live from Staples Center in Los Angeles with the winner and all the festivities! The champagne is on ice people!
Live Musical Guest: Panic At The Disco
January 10, 2018

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-1: Crazy Equals Stable Genius Edition (Edition #99!)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-1: Crazy Equals Stable Genius Edition (Edition #99!)

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Welcome welcome welcome! Before we begin, I would like for everyone to rise so we may sing our national anthem:

So… that happened! Yeah Mr. I’m So Patriotic doesn’t even know the words! How is that possible? Well, back to the show! It is a new year and we are starting off fresh! Man it feels good to back! So how’s everyone doing? You ready to have some fun at the expense of our elected officials? I hope so! Because that’s why you’re here am I right? Thank you sir! Yeah one guy in the audience going “wooo!!!!”. But you know people, with all the new year celebrating going on, can we all agree that you shouldn’t be like Buffalo Bills fans? Yes there was some absolute insanity going on in Jacksonville. And keep in mind that this is Florida we’re talking about here – so maybe Florida Man’s cousin lives in Buffalo? Yeah. You know this week was the Bills first playoff game in 17 years and they lost by a pretty slim margin to the Jacksonville Jaguars. But the Bills on the other hand, did not take the loss very well. But you know given the extreme weather we’ve been having, maybe this was the breath of fresh air the Bills fans needed. Ah, who am I kidding? Just because you’re in Florida doesn’t mean you have to act like Florida Man! Can we show that video?


And we decided to get in the fun of our own and jumped off my producer’s truck on an old table I brought from home. So the question must be asked – does Florida Man live in Florida or does Florida Man act like it when visiting Florida? There’s just something about that state that brings out the crazy in people and we don’t know what! Ah enough of the intro, we got a lot of idiocy to cover this week, but first we have Stephen Colbert explaining why he’d be the perfect choice for Trump’s insane “Fakey Awards”:

Ed. Note: BTW, I am *NOT* going to cover the Logan Paul story. We got a lot of requests for it, but no. Seriously - fuck that story and everyone in it. So no dice.

So where do we start 2018 off? I know! We’re going to be breaking down the juiciest bits of the new Trump tell all by reporter Michael Wolff, and it is about as insane as you would expect. In the second slot, all the eyes were going to be on Donald Trump (2) and his insane “Fake News Awards” but considering the ceremony has been postponed for a week, that gives us plenty of time to get considered! At number 3 is also Donald Trump (3). So over the weekend, in response to “Fire & Fury”, Trump had to remind us all that he’s a “stable genius”. So we’re going to take a trip to the School For Stable Geniuses, which is conveniently located in Trump’s head. In the number 4 slot is Trump advisor and part time Hannibal Lecter impersonator Stephen Miller (4). So he had that big interview with CNN’s (FAKE NEWS!!!) Jake Tapper, and well, it was a category 5 shit storm. Taking the number 5 slot we’re going to do a bit of creative speculation. So it’s rumored that Oprah Winfrey has tossed her hat into the 2020 bid to unseat Trump. Yeah… WTF indeed! In the number 6 slot we’ve got a brand new installment of “People Who Somehow Got Elected”. We haven’t done one of these in a while, but this week’s person who somehow got elected is another representative from my home state of California and that’s Devin Nunes (6). Taking the 7th slot is our weekly due diligence on all things holy – “Holy Shit”, and we’re going to show you what the religious right has been up to during our absence in the last couple of weeks. Nothing short of CRAZY! At number 8 is our good friend Alex Jones (8). We may have been off the last couple of weeks, but he certainly wasn’t, and he has gone off the fucking deep end, and we didn’t think that was possible! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot we’ve got a new installment of “People Are Dumb” because while we were off, the holidays brings out the crazy and stupid in ways you can’t imagine! Finally this week we have the first stop of our brief but enjoyable World Tour 2018. This time around we’re going to a country that has been in the news quite a lot lately, and it’s the subject of yet another attempt by Putin to disrupt world order – Spain! And we’re going to close out with some live music from Primus – they have a great new album called “The Desaturating Seven”. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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So here it is people – we are exactly one edition away from reaching number 100. Yeah we took some time off but we are back! And it feels good to be back! And of course we’re already one week into 2018 and I honestly feel like this year is going to be no different than last year. Everyone is now speaking out about how insane this administration has become. But yesterday, this might be one of the most surprising responses to a Trump tweet ever:


That’s right – Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit is asking Trump to take the moral high ground. Let’s just let this sink in for a minute.

Musician Fred Durst on Sunday urged President Trump to "raise the bar" after Trump called Jake Tapper a "flunky" in an attack on the CNN host.

"Please sir, just stop this manipulation and raise the bar," Durst, who is best known as the vocalist for Limp Bizkit, tweeted.

"You have this wonderful opportunity to make our world better. We unmistakably need a role model and leader for the now, and the future. This isn’t the way."

Seriously? This is Fred Durst we're talking about here! The guy who brought us an album called "Chocolate Starfish And The Hot Dog Flavored Water". You know you fucked up when the guy who brought us this song is telling you to take the moral high ground!

And I mean really Fred, this is Donald J. Trump we're talking about here - do you really expect him to take the moral high ground on any issue? Someone could give him a homemade peanut butter and jelly sandwich and he would respond "your homemade jelly is terrible! I want a cheeseburger!". And really, after the revelations that were made about what a fat, unstable, lazy fuck he is, is this really surprising regarding his behavior?

Tiffany Trump on Friday confirmed President Trump's affinity for McDonald's but stopped short of verifying Michael Wolff's claim that the president indulged in menu items from the fast food chain every night in bed.

"He loves McDonald's," Trump told TMZ regarding her father's predilections.

"He wishes, right?" the first daughter added when asked whether he ate it nightly before going to sleep.

Wolff's tell-all, Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House, describes a bedtime routine that includes a cheeseburger.

I really hope that’s all he does with it! But here’s where Trump delves into crazy old man territory – he eats cheeseburgers in bed at 6:30, then wakes up at 3:00 AM for angry shit time. Thank you graphics department for that lovely image!

Donald Trump goes to bed with a cheeseburger at 6:30pm, shouts at staff who pick his shirts off the floor and watches three televisions at once as he rants on the phone about the unfair media, an explosive new book has revealed.

In the last year, the president has hit the headlines for his deluge of rash, offensive tweets, faced further accusations of sexual assault and found himself under scrutiny as part of the Special Counsel Russia probe.

But despite multiple reports of a presidency in chaos, Trump maintained the White House was running perfectly smoothly.

Now, in his forthcoming book, Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House, author Michael Wolff gives a behind-the-scenes look at the tumultuous first months of the administration.

Trump is that guy. But is his presidency all cheeseburgers in bed? The only way Trump could be lazier is if he has a rascal scooter available anywhere in the White House. I love that so much! So what else was revealed in the book? Anything juicy?

From an Israeli point of view, the most intriguing revelation in Michael Wolff’s book “Fire and Fury,” which has sparked both, is a blast from the past of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. According to Wolff, former White House firebrand and strongman Steve Bannon expounded on the Trump administration’s formula for solving the conflict. “Let Jordan take the West Bank, let Egypt take Gaza,” says Bannon. “Let them deal with it. Or sink trying.”

The discovery that the White House was contemplating a formula that negates Palestinian nationhood and advocates a return to the days when “territorial compromise” with Jordan, Egypt (and Syria) was the main motto of Middle East peacemaking would be more sensational if it was less ambiguous. Bannon is quoted as saying that Sheldon Adelson and Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu are “all in” on the plan, but it’s not completely clear whether their supposed acquiescence only applies to “moving the Embassy to Jerusalem on day one,” which precedes the “all in” assertion, or whether it also encompasses the hairbrained scheme for the Gaza Strip and the West Bank, which follows it. Judging by context, the latter is true.
read more: https://www.haaretz.com/us-news/1.833530

Yeah we’re probably all gonna die. I mean if Trump gets joy out of eating cheeseburgers in bed while yelling at the TV, how could things possibly move up from there?

On the afternoon of November 8, 2016, Kellyanne Conway settled into her glass office at Trump Tower. Right up until the last weeks of the race, the campaign headquarters had remained a listless place. All that seemed to distinguish it from a corporate back office were a few posters with right-wing slogans.

Conway, the campaign’s manager, was in a remarkably buoyant mood, considering she was about to experience a resounding, if not cataclysmic, defeat. Donald Trump would lose the election — of this she was sure — but he would quite possibly hold the defeat to under six points. That was a substantial victory. As for the looming defeat itself, she shrugged it off: It was Reince Priebus’s fault, not hers.

She had spent a good part of the day calling friends and allies in the political world and blaming Priebus, the chairman of the Republican National Committee. Now she briefed some of the television producers and anchors whom she had been carefully courting since joining the Trump campaign — and with whom she had been actively interviewing in the last few weeks, hoping to land a permanent on-air job after the election.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

You know… you know… being a genius is a lot like being a million dollar rock star. If you have to tell me you’re one of those things, you’re doing it wrong. So after the aftermath of that shit show known as “Fire And Fury” was revealed, Trump had to remind the world of what a “stable genius” he is. I mean really, is he Wiley Coyote now? Let’s throw that tweet up there.


“Hi, here at the School For Stable Geniuses, we learn to think good and learn to do other stuff good, after all, we only have a four letter word voc… voc… what’ s that word? We are the best, OK? Nobody is better than we are!”. Thank you! So what happened exactly?

UPDATED | Senator Lindsey Graham responded Monday to tweets from President Donald Trump touting himself as "a very stable genius" amid questions of his mental fitness while serving in the White House's top role.

"Trump called himself 'like really smart and a stable genius.' So, do you think he's like really smart and a stable genius?" The View host Bette Midler asked the South Carolina Republican to audience laughter.

"I think this: if he doesn't call himself a genius, nobody else will," Graham responded to applause.

Now you know this is January. It’s a new year, we just had a really terrible one. Time for new beginnings, and you always see those articles that come out at this time of year about how you need to purge negative people from your live and stay positive. Well, there’s no one more positive than “Stable Genius”, Trump, am I right?

The “very stable genius” who happens to be president is digging in for a long 2018 by waging some familiar fights.

President Donald Trump is practically daring Democrats to engage in a fight over his mental state. He legitimized discussion of his mental capacity with his weekend tweets, but in so doing is pushing his opponents to go further than the public would prefer.

Trump is also egging on the media in a new and eye-catching fashion.

The White House dispatched a policy aide to spar with a Sunday host over “fake news” – and the president himself tweeted about victory for his side. Next Wednesday will (presumably) bring the “Fake News Awards,” a presidential creation designed to push media buttons in ways he knows well.

At least Wiley Coyote comes up with new and inventive ways to catch the Road Runner, Trump on the other hand resorts to the tired old tactic of calling his enemies “fake news”. I mean you’d think at this point he would try brands other than Acme Corporation but nope, not Trump! “Acme is made in America, buy American!”

By calling himself "a very stable genius" on Saturday, Donald Trump invited his psychiatrically inclined opponents to reiterate their claim that he is mentally unfit for office. "The level of concern by the public is now enormous," Yale forensic psychiatrist Bandy Lee told The New York Times. "They're telling us to speak more loudly and clearly and not to stop until something is done, because they are terrified."

Lee, who edited The Dangerous Case of Donald Trump: 27 Psychiatrists and Mental Health Experts Assess a President, thinks the public is clamoring to hear the opinions of brave experts like her. Trump thinks the public is sick of bogus issues like "Russian collusion" and "mental stability" propagated by "the Democrats and their lapdogs, the Fake News Mainstream Media." I think Lee and Trump both are drawing hasty conclusions based on biased samples, and Lee's belief that she has any special authority to judge the president's competence is at least as delusional as Trump's belief that his success as a developer, a reality TV star, and a politician puts his I.Q. score above 140.

So by calling himself a “Stable Genius” does that mean that a school for Stable Geniuses exists? I mean it’s like I said in the beginning – if you have to tell me you’re a genius, chances are very high that you’re probably not.

Because memory works in strange ways these fast and furious days, let’s briefly review some of the handiwork of the very stable genius in the White House.

Last January, feeling wounded by insufficient praise on the first day, he sent his press secretary out to tell the media that they had just witnessed a historically huge inauguration. He then insisted that he only lost the popular vote by 3 million people because of illegal votes. Both were, well, out of step with reality.

In March, angry about something else, he claimed, without evidence, that President Obama “had my ‘wires tapped’ in Trump Tower just before the victory.”

In May, mad about a news report in which the former FBI director said he had asked for loyalty, he threatened Jim Comey, saying he “better hope that there are no ‘tapes’ of our conversations before he starts leaking to the press.” Weeks later, he admitted there were no recordings.

Yeah that’s kind of what we’re all feeling right now Trump – fuck it! You know what they say – crazy = genius. But in this case, I think crazy = stable genius! I mean is he Simple Jack from the movie Tropic Thunder now?

Or maybe he’s Homer Simpson?

But you know what? You can always quit! But nope, President Simple Jack will continue to cry fake news!

From one very stable genius to another, I have some advice for President Trump: Resign immediately.

I feel you. Those small, petty, non-billionaire losers who attack you are not worthy of your brilliance. They don’t deserve the benefit of your intellect, your strength, your devastating good looks. Take your dazzling brain and your normal-size hands and go home. Let the ungrateful wretches suffer. Let them see how they like their precious little democracy without you.

They don’t deserve Ivanka or Jared or Junior or Eric, either. Most of the complainers don’t even have glamorous fashion-model third wives. Sad!

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

Yeah I was originally going to talk about the Fake News awards, but that’s not happening until a week from now so we have plenty of time to get considered.

Thank you! But we *HAVE* to talk about Trump’s butchering of the National Anthem here. We talked about this in the beginning of the show but we’ve got to talk about it some more. I mean who needs fiction right now? You can’t possibly make this shit up! So Trump was at the BCS Championship game, and by the way – congratulations to the Alabama Crimson Tide. Georgia Bulldogs, you played a great game and you almost won, and you can rest assured that you don’t have to go to the White House to meet Trump. Thank you! So what happened?

US President Donald Trump was greeted with a mixture of cheers and boos as he took to the field for the national anthem during a college football game in Atlanta.

But as The Star-Spangled Banner began to play, social media users turned their attention to his anthem etiquette.

Mr Trump's supporters said they were proud to see him standing with his hand over his heart, while his critics said it looked as though he had forgotten the lyrics.
Did he forget the words?

He certainly didn't sing all of them.

Video of the anthem shows Mr Trump getting off to a slow start. He appears to mouth some of the words while occasionally pausing and missing some out.

Some lines and phrases are sung with gusto. The president can clearly be seen mouthing "bright stars" and he finishes with a flourish, smiling and singing "the land of the free and the home of the brave".

We already rolled this tape, but we got to roll it again because it’s spectacular!

I mean who is he? Krusty The Klown?

Or maybe he’s Lt. Frank Drebin from the Naked Gun movies?

Or maybe he’s as bad as Rosanne was?

And it couldn’t possibly be worse, could it? I mean come on, Trump is America hitting absolute rock bottom, and once you hit rock bottom, there’s nowhere to go from there but up, am I right?

Washington (CNN)President Donald Trump walked onto the field and stood with members of the military for the National Anthem at the college football national championship game Monday night in Atlanta. The President stood with his hand over his heart, singing along to parts of the anthem.

The players, as is normal in college football, were not yet on the field for the anthem. The President then smiled and waved as he walked off the field.
The game between the University of Georgia and the University of Alabama was at Atlanta's Mercedes-Benz Stadium.

Trump, who has criticized professional athletes for kneeling during the National Anthem, appeared in good spirits on the field Monday -- and then after the anthem, he left to take his seat for the game.

Yeah can someone tell me what’s wrong with that picture? That’s right – all the military guys have their hands saluting. Trump has his over his heart like he’s in elementary school! I mean seriously, Mr. I’m So Patriotic can’t even get *THAT* right! And this is the guy – who – not even 48 hours before hand – declared himself a “stable genius”!

Donald Trump, who just last week described himself as both “like, really smart” and “a very stable genius,” may have some studying up to do. While attending the College Football Playoff National Championship game between the University of Georgia and the University of Alabama on Monday night, the president was caught on camera singing along to the national anthem—or, at least, some of it. Definitely the last few verses. Right?

Trump, who was reportedly greeted by protesters in Atlanta, has been a voracious critic of NFL players who kneel during the national anthem; he has called players like Colin Kaepernick a “son of a bitch” for their activism against police brutality, and has said that players who protest the anthem or show solidarity during it should be fired. This is all to say that the irony of this particular moment was not lost on social media. The most standout reactions, below:

Yeah you can give your thumbs up all you want, but I mean come on, this is the national anthem we are talking about here. And it’s really SAD! that all you “patriotic than thou” people support a guy who can’t even sing this right!

President Donald Trump stumbled his way through a rendition of the US national anthem at a college football game in Atlanta, Georgia, on Monday night.

Footage from the field before the game shows Trump standing with members of the US Army's Reserve Officer Training Corps as "Star Spangled Banner" rang out across the stadium.

For part of the song, Trump appears to mouth along to some of the words, while at other points he paused, stayed silent, or looked around at the crowd. The servicemen around him don't sing, and hold their hands still in salute.

Trump has criticised football players in the past for not treating the national anthem with sufficient respect. Many took to kneeling during the song in protest against what they consider systemic racism in the US.

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[font size="8"]Stephen Miller
[br] [/font]

So this whole Fire & Fury thing must have really hit a number on Trump, whose idea of paradise is cheeseburgers in bed. I don’t remember that Jimmy Buffet song! And last week, part time Hannibal Lecter impersonator Stephen Miller stopped by the Jake Tapper show to remind people to put the lotion in the basket. Or something absurdly creepy. Well let’s show some of the interview.

Yeah well I’m with you Jake – this is only an hour show. I got no time to waste here! But we attempted to get thrown out of an interview as well! So what happened?

White House adviser Stephen Miller was escorted off the set of CNN’s "State of the Union" on Sunday after a contentious interview with host Jake Tapper.

Two sources close to the situation told Business Insider that after the taping was done, Miller was politely asked to leave several times.

He ignored those requests and ultimately security was called and he was escorted out, the sources said.

Thankfully it didn’t have to come to that! But what did Stephen Miller and our president Donald J. Trump actually want from his interview? You know Trump can destroy 3 news networks with a single tweet.

The segment began with Tapper asking a question, which Miller happily ignored in favor of a meandering, long riff. Tapper let Miller go for a minute and a half, and Miller happily took it, running through a series of talking points that sounded carefully workshopped.

“It’s tragic and unfortunate that Steve would make these grotesque comments so out of touch with reality and obviously so vindictive,” Miller said. “The whole White House staff is disappointed with his comments, which were so grotesque.” (There was a lot of “grotesque” and “tragic” in the interview.) Miller went on that “the book is best understood as a work of very poorly written fiction,” a line which might have landed better if he hadn’t followed it with a poorly written, juvenile jab: “I also will say that the author is a garbage author of a garbage book.”

Ah come on, this is the Trump administration here! The word “grotesque” is probably the most accurate word to describe this whole shit show! At least Stephen Miller didn’t resort to reenacting “Goodnight Horse”, or at least maybe he does in his spare time! We don’t know! But then of course Trump had to shoot his fat mouth off at the subject at hand!

CNN's Jake Tapper had a contentious interview with White House senior adviser Stephen Miller on Sunday morning as the two argued about President Donald Trump's mental wellbeing and the network's reporting practices.

When asked about the president’s tweet claiming to be “a very stable genius" earlier this week, Miller defended his boss and took a shot at CNN in one sweeping motion.

“Not only do I think they help it, but I think in the toxic environment that you've created here and CNN and cable news, which is a real crisis of legitimacy for your network,” Miller said.

Tapper ended the interview shortly after.

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[font size="8"]Oprah For President?
[br] [/font]

You know our job here at the Top 10 is to make fun of the news, and not speculate. But when speculation is in the news, we’re going to make fun of it. So America hit rock bottom when Trump got inaugurated, so there’s nowhere to go from there but up, am I right? That’s right! Wooo!!! Well there’s a lot of speculation about who’s going to run in 2020, because let’s face it, we’re all eager to rid ourselves of this nightmare. But it’s not that easy. And you know the Golden Globes were here this weekend, and one person in particular threw her hat in the ring.

It sounds so simple: If Donald Trump can win the presidency, why couldn’t Oprah Winfrey?

A day after her rousing speech at Sunday’s Golden Globes, speculation about Winfrey’s potential White House aspirations sparked some instant handicapping among Washington insiders.

Winfrey, 63, is younger than some of the top Democrats who might run, William Kristol, editor of the conservative Weekly Standard magazine, told followers on Twitter. He also suggested she might stand a better shot in the primaries.

“Sounder on economics than Bernie Sanders, understands Middle America better than Elizabeth Warren, less touchy-feely than Joe Biden, more pleasant than Andrew Cuomo, more charismatic than John Hickenlooper,” he wrote.

YOU GET HEALTHCARE! AND YOU GET HEALTHCARE! AND YOU GET HEALTHCARE! EVERYBODY GETS HEALTHCARE! Oh come on if that’s the first punchline that comes to mind, you need to get out more! I mean come on we like to go for the obvious here!

Oprah Winfrey is "actively thinking" about running for president, two of her close friends told CNN Monday.

The two friends, who requested anonymity in order to speak freely, talked in the wake of Winfrey's extraordinary speech at the Golden Globes Sunday night, which spurred chatter about a 2020 run.

Some of Winfrey's confidants have been privately urging her to run, the sources said.

One of the sources said these conversations date back several months. The person emphasized that Winfrey has not made up her mind about running.

And you thought I had something else planned didn’t you? Ha ha! I sure fooled you! But why is Oprah considering running for president? Yeah she’s an accomplished businesswoman who actively gives back to her community, you know – the opposite of Trump. And come on, Oprah, nothing good has the word “active” in front of it. Maybe “Active Lottery Winner”. But that’s about it!

Oprah Winfrey’s stirring speech on oppression and bullying during Sunday’s Golden Globes broadcast sounded a lot like something you’d hear on the campaign trail.

Receiving the Cecil B. DeMille Award at the gala, she addressed the #MeToo movement in an adroit fashion, ending with the phrase “a new day is on the horizon.” It wasn’t long before the “Oprah for President” social media chatter began.

CNN reports Winfrey is “actively thinking” about a run for the Oval Office. And her partner Stedman Graham says she would “absolutely” do it, if the people demand it.

Of course, Winfrey has shot down talk of a presidential bid several times before. In June, she told The Hollywood Reporter “I will never run for public office. That’s a pretty definitive thing.” And soon after giving Sundays’ Golden Globes speech, she told Bloomberg she has no plans to run.

Ha!!!! Fooled you again! But like I said this is all speculation. I mean we have 3 more fucking years of this madness. But come on anything is better than the shit stain we have in charge now, am I right?

Oprah Winfrey's widely shared speech about gender, race and opportunity at the Golden Globe Awards quickly fueled speculation that she could consider a presidential run in 2020.

Receiving a lifetime achievement award, the media mogul spoke about hoping to start a "new day," in which women can speak up about sexual harassment without fear. Her remarks came during an awards show dominated by talk about a national reckoning over sexual harassment that has swept up powerful Hollywood figures like Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey.

The speech sparked speculation that Winfrey, 63, could seek the presidency in the next election, challenging another television personality and businessperson, President Donald Trump. The billionaire businesswoman and former talk show host was the subject of presidential rumors even before her Sunday night speech.

Yeah probably!

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[font size="8"]Devin Nunes
[br] [/font]

Politicians at national, state and local levels who are so terrible , you wonder how they got elected in the first place. Or in this case reelected. It’s now time for another installment of:

This week, it’s the 22nd district representative of California, Devin Nunes. So you know Trump had that famous Russia meeting back in 2016 before the election. But when rumors surfaced that there was an American Congressman in the room at the time, the rumors began flying. Lots of fingers began immediately pointing at CA-48 representative Dana Rohrabacher as he is known as “Putin’s favorite Congressman”. But new rumors are surfacing that it might be CA-22 rep Devin Nunes.

House Speaker Paul Ryan backed his fellow congressional Republican, House Intelligence Chairman Devin Nunes, during a meeting over the Russia investigation Wednesday, capping off a months-long dispute between the committee and the Justice Department, multiple sources with the knowledge of the situation told CNN.
CNN reported Wednesday that Ryan met with Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein and FBI head Christopher Wray in his Capitol Hill office, but details emerged Thursday providing new insight into how a nasty inter-branch dispute has quietly subsided -- at least for now.
Over the summer Nunes served subpoenas seeking a broad range of documents connected to the dossier of compromising allegations about President Donald Trump's connections to the Kremlin, including those related to payments the FBI made to fund it (if any), efforts to corroborate any information contained in it and whether the FBI used information from the dossier to apply for warrants to conduct surveillance under the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act on Trump associates. The Justice Department has already allowed Intelligence Committee members and staff to review a number of highly classified materials at a secure location at the department, but last month Nunes escalated the feud, threatening top officials at Justice and the FBI with contempt of Congress if they did not meet all of his subpoena demands.


If you don’t know then why would go to where treason sits… Putin On The Ritz! But apparently now Nunes is fighting back against Mueller and his investigation. Yeah they are going there all right!

Rep. Devin Nunes, once sidelined by an ethics inquiry from leading the House Intelligence Committee’s Russia probe, is reasserting the full authority of his position as chairman just as the GOP appears poised to challenge special counsel Robert S. Mueller III’s investigation of possible coordination between the Trump campaign and Russian officials.

The California Republican was cleared in December of allegations he improperly disclosed classified information while accusing the Obama administration of exposing the identities of Trump affiliates on surveillance reports. Since clearing his name, Nunes has stepped up his attacks on Mueller’s team and the law enforcement agencies around it, including convening a group of Intelligence Committee Republicans to draft a likely report on “corruption” among the investigators working for the special counsel.

Although Nunes has not officially wrested his panel’s Russia probe back from the Republicans he deputized to run it, the chairman’s reemergence as a combative Trump loyalist has raised alarm among Democrats that the future of the investigation may be clipped short or otherwise undermined. Even some of Nunes’s GOP allies have expressed concern about his tactics, prompting rare public warnings that he should temper his attacks on federal law enforcement.

So Nunes is just as evil as any of the people we’ve seen come and go in the revolving door known as the Trump administration. But they keep bringing back the Matrix metaphors about going down the rabbit hole. Which makes us wonder – have any republicans and Trump fans ever seen “The Matrix” let alone understand it?

The cofounders of the opposition-research firm Fusion GPS defended themselves on Tuesday against what they characterized as attempts by President Donald Trump's allies in the media and Congress to "punish" Fusion for investigating Trump's ties to Russia.

Glenn Simpson and Peter Fritsch, two former Wall Street Journal reporters who founded Fusion GPS in 2011, wrote a New York Times op-ed article amid intensifying calls from GOP lawmakers to investigate whether the Steele dossier — a collection of memos written by a former British spy, Christopher Steele, outlining claims about Trump's ties to Russia — triggered the FBI's investigation into the Trump campaign.

The House Intelligence Committee chairman, Devin Nunes, has been examining Fusion and Steele aggressively since he stepped aside from the panel's Russia investigation in April amid an ethics investigation. He subpoenaed Fusion's bank records last year and has threatened to hold FBI Director Christopher Wray and Attorney General Jeff Sessions in contempt if they do not hand over information about the dossier and what the FBI did with it.

That sounds about right, actually. But this whole thing is like an onion – the more you peel back the layers, the more it stinks, and the more you are likely to cry as a result of what you have discovered. So why are they going after the FBI now? They’re going after the FBI the way Trump goes after the last few fries he dropped in bed:

With Rep. Devin Nunes at the helm, a number of Republican members of the House Intelligence Committee reportedly spent weeks investigating whether top leaders at the Justice Department and FBI “mishandled” the Trump-Russia dossier.

The rogue Republicans on the House committee, which is investigating Russia’s alleged meddling in last year’s election, have not told Democratic members of the committee about their plan to possibly bring a case against Justice and the FBI, but, Politico reported Wednesday, citing four unnamed people familiar with the probe, the group spoke to the House’s general counsel.

The probe, due to release its findings in early 2018, intends to show “corruption and conspiracy in the upper ranks of federal law enforcement,” according to the report.

You know maybe Nunes is the person who we don’t want running the Trump – Russia probe. I mean how can you be knee deep in your own investigation running your own investigation? Yes, cue the exploding head GIF.

Andrew Janz, the Fresno County prosecutor and Democrat challenging Rep. Devin Nunes’ re-election bid, has called for the Tulare Republican to once again step away from any investigation into Russia’s alleged meddling in the 2016 presidential election.

Janz pointed to a New York Times report that says the Washington Free Beacon, a conservative website funded by billionaire Republican donor Paul Singer, informed the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence that it hired research firm Fusion GPS in 2015 to investigate Donald Trump and other presidential candidates. The website said it stopped using the firm to investigate Trump after he clinched the Republican nomination.

At the end of 2015, Fusion GPS produced a document written by former British intelligence officer Christopher Steele commonly known as the Trump dossier or Steele dossier. The document, funded by Democratic challenger Hillary Clinton’s campaign and the Democratic National Committee, lists many unconfirmed ties between Trump and the Russian government.

So… false claims, lying, snooping, more lying, and more snooping. That’s Devin Nunes, yet another one of the:

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
[br] [/font]

Yes everyone it’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate! For it is our understanding that in the darkest of times, we turn to the holiest among us. And even then we are told that the holiest among us are full of:

So how is my fine congregation doing on this beautiful Wednesday in the year of our lord, creator of all that is good and holy, his year 2018? So we have taken a break from all the madness surrounding the religious right, but they certainly haven’t! So where do we begin? Well for starters they’re playing the Nazi card:

When Barack Obama was president, we spent eight years listening to an endless parade of right-wing critics compare him to Hitler and regularly equate the Democrats and the progressive movement with Nazis. So imagine our surprise when we heard Religious Right activist Gary Bauer complain that anyone who would dare to compare President Trump or Republicans to the Nazis is a despicable person who is engaging in modern-day McCarthyism.

While appearing on the “Point of View” radio program yesterday, Bauer said that such criticism of Trump and the GOP is “insane” and is making it “impossible to bring the country together.”

“There was a time in our history in the 1950s when some people—the most notable one was Congressman McCarthy—began first looking for communists in the government,” Bauer said. “There were some and it was good that they were exposed, but then it went too far and they were labeling everybody a communist and that became known as McCarthyism; smearing somebody by just sticking a label on them with no proof. And I believe what the left today, including many mainstream newspapers and TV shows and so forth, are engaged in is a form of left-wing McCarthyism where they label anybody that is pro-life, pro-family, believes in small government and lower taxes a Nazi or a fascist. It’s disgusting, it’s damaging to our country and it’s got to stop.”

Yeah playing the Nazi card is a game you will never win, because people will see you as, well, a nazi! And you know who else is playing the Nazi card? Our good friend Dave Daubenmire because wait until you get a load of what he thinks Oprah running for president will be like!

Religious Right activist Dave Daubenmire used his “Pass The Salt Live” webcast this morning to warn that talk of Oprah Winfrey running for president in 2020 is an effort to prepare for a possible genocide against white men in America.

Daubenmire was outraged by the recent Golden Globes award ceremony, which he declared was “the most absolute, unbelievable frontal assault on white Christian maleness that I have ever seen.”

“You tell me this is not orchestrated,” he said. “Then Oprah gets up there and gives that talk and now they want Oprah to be president of the United States. Oprah Winfrey. Oprah. Oprah Winfrey.”

“Hollywood wants to give us her,” Daubenmire added. “The God-haters want to give us her.”

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! You don’t go full racist, Dave. Never, ever go full racist! I mean really! But what is next for our devoted followers of the Lord Baby Jesus? They really hate CNN for one thing!

Earlier this week, anti-LGBTQ Christian-nation activist and pro-Trump political operative David Lane ranted about CNN’s New Year’s Eve coverage in an email to supporters of his American Renewal Project. Lane complained that hosts Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper are “both homosexuals” and that Randi Kaye, broadcasting from Colorado where marijuana use is legal, “passed around a ‘joint’ with young people in Denver.”

Predictably Lane sees the whole thing as part of America’s slide into decadent secularism:

America was seduced in the last half century, not by the Communists, but by Secularism. Unelected and unaccountable judges have nullified a once Biblically-based public education and culture. CNN is a co-conspirator to the mortal sin affecting America. As a result of secularists replacing a Biblically-based culture with Secularism, George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, Robert E. Lee, et al., are no longer advanced as patriots, but decried as backward racists. Their stature is disparaged by fanatical anarchists, such as Black Lives Matter, who deal in the currency of brutality and dissension. Perversion and cultural deterioration are now abetted by spiritually antagonistic network executives and media elites.

Lane ended his tirade with an assertion that “CNN has forfeited its right to broadcast.” That’s an interesting take on the First Amendment and a free press, but perhaps not too surprising given Lane’s revisionist take on American history, religious pluralism, etc.

So… what part of “Congress shall make no law abridging freedom of the press” means “fuck you, you will do as we say”? Because that’s greed, and greed is a sin!!!! AND SINS MUST BE CLEANSED BY THE LORD JESUS!!!!! Can I get an amen??? But according to our good friend Pastor Rick Joyner, Trump might be the most brilliant person he’s ever met.

Right-wing pastor Rick Joyner recently went to see “Darkest Hour,” the new film about Winston Churchill, and came away amazed at the parallels he sees between Churchill and President Trump, whom he said might just be “the most brilliant person I’ve ever met.”

In a video posted on his Facebook page yesterday, Joyner said that he is not concerned by Trump’s undignified speech and lack of decorum because “what he is accomplishing is what should be [considered] presidential … and he’s accomplishing some of the most amazing things ever.”

“He is really caustic,” Joyner said. “He will hit back at everybody—I’m talking about Donald Trump—he is very much like Churchill. Churchill was brilliant and I’ll tell you this about Donald Trump: He’s not a man of study and research and reading and writing—in many ways they don’t compare—but I’ve met a lot of brilliant people in my life, some of the most brilliant in just about every field … When I met Donald Trump, I was only in his office—I don’t know, we might have been there talking for an hour—but in just a few minutes, I understood this guy is unbelievably brilliant. He may be the most brilliant person I’ve ever met.”

Yes, failure so stupid that it gets the rare Face Psalm! I mean if this is what Pastor Rick thinks is brilliant what does he think is stupid? Thank you congregation! And by the way, speaking of brilliant, how good is the Top 10 Gospel Choir? Let’s give it up for them! But you know some people say that Trump was appointed by the Lord our God, creator of all that is good and holy, but really those people are about as fucking crazy as they come!

Former Trump campaign adviser Frank Amedia, founder of the POTUS Shield network of dominionist “apostles” and “prophets” who believe President Trump was anointed by God, reported in a January 5 email that he and his wife had attended “a very small and intimate dinner meeting with Vice President Pence and his wife Karen” the previous evening.

The White House released a photo of the event, one of many gatherings hosted by Trump administration officials for Religious Right leaders. Pence, who was a top Religious Right pick for the presidency as far back as 2010, is now a conduit into the White House for Religious Right leaders and views.

Amedia’s email says POTUS Shield is also arranging a live stream with Pence’s office during the group’s March 20-22 gathering in Branson, Missouri, which will be hosted and broadcasted by televangelist Jim Bakker and his wife Lori. Amedia has made multiple appearances on the Bakkers’ show, which devotes a good chunk of its time to spreading warnings about an impending apocalypse and, conveniently, selling buckets of “prepper” food to help viewers prepare for that eventuality. In July, Amedia told Bakker that Trump “receives downloads that now he’s beginning to understand come from God.”

Ooh, I do like that one! But have no fear! The guy who heads Focus On The Family, and your homophobic uncle’s homophobic uncle, James Dobson has the solution for you Never Trumpers!

On Friday, James Dobson joined Intercessors for America for the organization’s monthly prayer conference call, during which he called on conservative Christians to engage in a day of fasting and prayer against efforts to impeach President Trump.

Dobson said that he “felt sorry for this man” when he and other Religious Right leaders met with Trump in the Oval Office last month because “so many people obviously hate him … He faces the combined opposition from the mainstream media, from members of Congress—both Democrats and Republicans, not all of them, but many of them—the entertainment industry, [and] the special interest groups who seem determined to bring him down.”

Dobson warned that “this country will be in serious trouble if they’re successful in impeaching this man” and is therefore urging Christians to pray and fast in order to protect Trump.

Yes, even I, your pastor of the Holy Lady Of The Top 10, am embarrassed by this confession! And then there's this guy who says that Christians face a "leftist nemesis" consisting of "gender confused pajama boys". By the way, I saw the Gender Confused Pajama Boys at the Troubadour last week - pretty strong band.

Culture wars are wars. When I go on Twitter, I am going downrange. I approach my tweeting, retweeting, blocking, and replying as such.

This is still war even if (for now) the conflict is not an armed clash between us conservatives and our leftist nemeses. As I have elaborated in previous posts, Carl von Clausewitz noted that much of what we call “war” is mastering our thoughts, our troops’ thoughts, our allies’ thoughts, and our enemies’ thoughts. Of his nine principles of war, some, such as “objective” and “surprise” and “unity of command,” point as much to what goes on in all these players’ heads as to violent conflict.

Fortunately, in 2017, conservatives (though not all) came to understand that our political fight is not a roundtable symposium or a pie contest at the county fair. Hallelujah!

We face a leftist enemy who hates us and seeks to replace us with complacent gender-confused pajama boys shaking in fear that they may be shot through a biodegradable cannon by race-baiting rioters into a mob of lesbian sexual harassment lawyers. An astonishing swath of the right has rebuffed the NeverTrumps with their calls for civility. This signals that we aren’t crazy if we’ve been acting like troops in a kulturkampf for years.

But in case you are wondering where this is all going, look no further than Trump’s spiritual advisor Paula White, who very clearly lays it out for you:

Paula White, a prosperity gospel preacher with close ties to President Donald Trump, is calling on followers to send her donations of up to one month’s salary. Those who don’t pay up could face “consequences” from God as he demands the dough as a “first fruits” offering.

“The reason is God lays claim to all firsts,” White wrote on her website. “So when you keep for yourself something that belongs to God you are desecrating what is to be consecrated to God.”

In this case, the “firsts” are money, which “supernaturally unlocks amazing opportunity, blessing, favor and divine order for your life.”

White, who is chairwoman of Trump’s evangelical advisory committee, claims she contributes a month’s pay every year as a “seed,” which according to prosperity gospel is supposed to grow into riches and other blessings. She’s also calling on others to contribute their own firsts, in the form of wages for a day, week or entire month:

Forget pay to play, there’s a far more sinister scandal at work here – pay to pray. So there you have it – repent and pray and or else. That is it, mass has ended, may you go in peace! That is it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Alex Jones
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Whew, Alex, keep doing what you are doing. Infowars is an endless supply of batshit crazy, as you have seen by following our program. And you know, they’ve always got to keep the operation afloat, because you never know when Infowars might go under, and we hope that is soon. Which is why they literally hawk snake oil. So what has Alex been up to lately in the time that we have been gone? For starters, I don’t think he gets his own interpretation of Julius Caesar quite right:

Alex Jones, the nutritional supplement salesman who leads the conspiracy theory outlet Infowars, claimed that former White House chief strategist and Breitbart executive Steve Bannon “stabbed the president and America in the back” by telling an author that a meeting between Trump campaign staffers and a Russian lawyer was “treasonous” and went on to compare Bannon’s actions to mugging and rape.

Jones opened his show today by addressing the ongoing feud between the Trump administration and Bannon following reports that Bannon told author Michael Wolff that Trump never wanted to be president and that a meeting between Donald Trump Jr., then-campaign chairman Paul Manafort and a Russian lawyer was “treasonous” and “unpatriotic.” Jones concluded that Bannon’s actions proved he was part of a “deep state” effort to remove Trump from office.

“Bannon is at the heart of the attempt to take down the president now and it’s just like something out of a Roman tragedy. It’s like something out of what really happened to Julius Caesar,” Jones said.

I love that movie! But like I said, you can always count on Infowars to bring the crazy extra hard. And the scary thing is people believe this guy! He has followers! And they vote! Let that sink in! Especially when he makes such absurd comments like this:

ALEX JONES (HOST): So it’s the death of good cinema that’s got Hollywood down 20 percent this year, 30 percent over the last ten years, previous to that 50 percent in the last couple decades. Their worst year ever this year. This new film, if you call it that, The Last Jedi is like the last Star Wars movie I think I can ever watch, because it’s like Russian roulette to go see this. It had some great graphics and some fun stuff in it, but subjecting myself and my children to every bad guy being a man and all of the commanders being women, like seven deep, like, “This commander dies, so it’s this woman and then it’s this woman,” and then they go, “The chain of command, it goes to this woman, and the chain of command.” And it’s all about women are in the chain of command. Beat me over the head. Beat me over the head. I mean I get like don’t have stereotypes, show that women can be in power positions, as if that hasn’t happened throughout history. Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, you name it. And a lot of times in bad roles -- Margaret Sanger, the list goes on and on. Queen Elizabeth II, you know a known admitted Nazi heiling Hitler, but that’s OK, according to everybody, because she’s liberal. But this is just the beating you over the head to patronize women and show them in SWAT team uniforms running around and to be the police and to be in charge and the men are a bunch of idiots that have to be put in line, and it just goes on and on.

And then poor Carrie Fisher, you can see her tweets and videos before she died, and that was during the filming, she died right at the end of filming, she died right as it ended, she flew back. I’m not saying it’s a star murder or anything, but we know in Hollywood sometimes when they think you're finally done, if you die right after your last record, your last movie, then it triples or quadruples your portfolio. But she just completed it perfectly. Flying back, I guess celebrating or whatever, had a bunch of different drugs in her systems and things. And I’m very sad for her, thought she played the goddess archetype very, very well, did a great job in the first films, had a long life, a lot of substance problems, a lot of this had been affected by [inaudible] family, so I don’t put her down, but it was like watching an under the bridge dweller, like we have near the office, who I try to bring food and stuff, who, she looked like a basically an old lizard that lived under a bridge or something that could hardly talk.

I don’t think he gets that quite right either! But you know - good conspiracies never die. They're like worms. You cut one off, and it grows and splits into new worms. Take for example Pizzagate (brought to you by Infowars, 4chan, and Wikileaks) - you know - the conspiracy that Hillary Clinton's campaign manager John Podesta was running a child sex trafficking ring underneath the basement of a Washington DC pizza parlor? It reached such new heights that people shot the place up and got kicked out and banned for life filming children's birthday parties at the pizza place, while employees were getting harassed and threatened with murder. And it was proven to be bullshit. Now enter Pizzagate 2.0, known as "The Storm". Ooh... it's got a code name. That means it's a hand crafted conspiracy theory and not one of your garbage, mass produced conspiracy theories!

Infowars announced that its chief Washington correspondent and notorious crackpot Jerome Corsi has begun “playing a more central role” in pushing a fringe online message board conspiracy theory known as “The Storm,” entrenching itself deeper into the tinfoil hat territory the site usually inhabits.

Corsi has jumped on board of “The Storm” train, a conspiracy theory that emerged from 4chan and 8chan, two online message boards that serve as hubs for the far-right and “alt-right” users and is reportedly “working directly” with the moderators of 8chan’s The Storm forum.

As reported by New York magazine’s Paris Martineau, this new conspiracy theory claims that President Donald Trump’s cryptic October 2017 comment about the “calm before the storm” was a hint at a master plan Trump is setting in motion to kneecap members of the “deep state.” According to Martineau, the theory claims former President Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and John McCain among many others will be arrested, calls the Steele dossier a total fabrication, and argues that “the Las Vegas massacre was most definitely an inside job connected to the Saudi-Clinton cabal.”

Over the course of 2017, right-wing media figures have been pushing the narrative that “deep state” operatives are attempting to remove Trump from power and that the ongoing probe into whether the Trump campaign colluded with Russia during the 2016 election campaign is an evidence of this supposed coup.

An anonymous poster “Q” seems to have set “The Storm” in motion. “Q,” who claims to be a “high-level government insider with Q clearance,” began posting “intel drops” (or crumbs) on 4chan meant to leave clues to inform the public of Trump’s plan.

“The Storm” has now spread beyond message boards to gain traction on Twitter under the #qanon and #thestorm hashtags and through YouTube videos which currently have hundreds of thousands of views.

But come on, this is Alex Jones we're talking about here! He's not your average, run of the mill, batshit crazy conspiracy theorist, he takes things to whole new levels! Take for example what he said about Oprah and Harvey Weinstein. This is a whole new level of stupid, crazy, and insane! Sigh. People like this lunatic and his followers are why we can't have nice things!

Alex Jones, the nutritional supplement salesman who leads the Infowars outlet, and Gavin McInnes, who hosts a show on CRTV and leads the bizarre “Proud Boys” club, reacted to media speculation about whether Oprah Winfrey would run for president by claiming that Winfrey is a lesbian who helped, and sometimes participated in, Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein’s alleged sexual assaults on women.

Today on “The Alex Jones Show,” McInnes told Jones that he was worried about the possibility that Winfrey would run for office until he talked to political operative and Infowars contributor Roger Stone, who McInnes said told him to imagine “the kind of skeletons this woman has in her closet” that would prevent her from running and “relax.”

“He’s right. She’s a lesbian,” McInnes said, before going on to refer to Steadman Graham, Oprah’s longtime partner, as a “human dildo that she would use” with her friend Gayle King who “must be crying himself to sleep at night.”

Jones then aired his own doubts about a Winfrey presidency and alleged that his “Hollywood contacts” told him that Weinstein and Winfrey sleep with young women together, building off accusations that Winfrey told an aspiring actress that Weinstein would help her career before Weinstein allegedly forced himself on her.

“They’re going to run her like she’s this glorious woman that cares, meanwhile she’s literally the wingman going out and getting tail—and I guess you’re going to say it, I’m going to say it—she’s well known with Weinstein to enjoy tail together. The word is she gets in bed with—I mean, I’ve got Hollywood contacts. I mean, people see Oprah and Weinstein, they go in the room with a couple hot, young chicks and it’s party time,” Jones said.

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Ah you know what time it is? It’s time for this!

So of course you know by now that people are people and people are dumb. And of course no story about stupid people can be complete without our good friend Florida Man. So how does Florida Man celebrate his 21st birthday? By taking a stolen credit card to see “Pitch Perfect 3”. Well this is Florida - be glad all he did was go see a movie and not go on an all night booze and hooker binge! And he walked out of it, which may or may not be a statement on how bad Pitch Perfect 3 is.

On Christmas Day, a Florida man turning 21 bought a ticket to “Pitch Perfect 3,” then hit the concession stand for Welch’s Fruit Snacks and an Icee, according to Indian River County Sheriff’s Office.

Deputies’ only problem with Atif Hussain’s low-key afternoon: He used a McDonald’s co-worker’s debit card to pay for it, they say.

Which is why the Vero Beach resident got booked into jail on charges of theft, felony possession of stolen property and fraudulent use of a credit card. Hussain was released at 9:12 a.m. Tuesday after posting $3,500 bond.

The arrest affidavit says Rachel Goldsberry’s Christmas afternoon shift at McDonald’s was interrupted by a pair of text messages informing her of two debit card purchases at an AMC theater, at 4:11 p.m. and 4:16 p.m. She notified the sheriff’s office, whose deputies saw receipts — $6.41 for the movie ticket, $11.11 for the munchies — and security camera video at the movie house. They waited for “Pitch Perfect 3” to end, but didn’t see the suspect in the theater once it ended.

Although I suspect the real crime in this story is $11 for an Icee and a thing of fruit snacks. Hey oh! So sticking with the Sunshine State, or America’s Penis as it’s sometimes called, what happens when an ATM dispenses too much cash?

A 23-year-old Florida man told police he punched an ATM in November because it gave him too much cash.

Cocoa, Fla., police charged Michael Joseph Oleksik, of Merritt Island, on Friday with criminal mischief nearly a month into the investigation of a disturbance at a Wells Fargo bank branch in Cocoa. Bank officials said the attacked caused at least $5,000 in damages.

Authorities said Oleksik can be seen on surveillance video standing at the ATM, pummeling the electronic teller’s touch screen on Nov. 29.

Actually I too think Wells Fargo may be the real criminals in this story, but how does Florida Man not make it rain in this situation? I know I would! Next let’s go overseas to Thailand. Now Japan gets most of the credit for the world’s craziest stories, but I think Thailand might top them on this one. Tooth whitening is a thing. But somehow I don’t think Crest makes products for this!

A supposed trend of penis whitening has captivated Thailand in recent days and left it asking if the country's beauty industry is taking things too far.
The original Facebook post from the clinic offering the treatment, which uses lasers to break down melanin in the skin, was shared more than 19,000 times within two days.
The ministry warned about possible side effects such as pain, inflammation or scars and even effects on the reproductive system and on having sex.

Stopping treatment would cause the skin colour to return to normal and may result in "nasty-looking spots", the ministry said.


That’s the perfect expression for this one! Seriously what the fuck is up with Asian countries and doing strange things to one’s penis? We may never know the answer to that one. Moving on! Let’s go to England next where they lost a replica of a religious relic and it’s truly insane.

A Bible-themed floating museum meant to be a replica of Noah's Ark went adrift from the port of Urk early Wednesday afternoon. The VerhalenArk, also called the "Ark of Noah" in English, crashed into several ships in the harbor along the shore of the IJsselmeer lake.

Several people and animals were aboard the vessel at the time it broke free of its moorings, De Stentor reported. Seven people were rescued off the museum, but the animals remained into the evening.
Wind gusts of about 107 kilometers per hour were reported just north of Urk at the time of the accident. Gusts nearing 119 km/h were measured in the middle of the lake, according to Weerplaza.

The Ark ripped a post out of the ground and nearly floated away last month. "We did the maximum we could, but apparently it was not enough. This morning there was a big gust of wind and there it went," a port representative told the broadcaster. They planned to actively investigate what went wrong.


Man a lot of dumb people internationally making the rounds! We could do a world tour just with all the crazy news in this piece! So next we go to India. So is naming the city that you happen to be traveling to – Bombay – really in need of calling airport police? Really? Is that where we’re at in 2018? And we’re not even a week in!

An Indian man charged with making an airport bomb threat says he was misheard when asking about his Bombay-to-Delhi flight.

Vinod Moorjani, 45, is accused of saying "bomb hai" [there is a bomb] during a call with the authorities at Mumbai International Airport on Sunday.

But he says he was asking about the status of his "Bom-Del" flight. Mumbai was formerly known as Bombay.
But Mr Moorjani, a businessman and CEO of a US company, says he hung up because of a disturbance on the phone line.


Finally for this week’s People Are Dumb – tigers! So you know what people? Don’t smuggle endangered species into American borders. I mean did you see The Hangover?

(CNN) — A California man has been charged with smuggling a Bengal tiger cub into the United States from Mexico. He told investigators he wanted to keep the tiger as a pet, the United States Attorney's Office said.

Under federal law, all species of tigers -- including Bengal tigers -- are endangered species. A Fish and Wildlife Service permit is required to import any species listed under the Endangered Species Act.

Luis Eudoro Valencia, 18, of Perris, California, told federal authorities he bought the tiger cub on August 21 for $300 from a man he saw on a Tijuana street walking a full-size tiger on a leash.

That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]World Tour 2018 Destination #1: Spain
[br] [/font]

Part of our mission statement here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots is to show you that conservative idiocy isn’t just a problem with America. No, it’s a global problem that is stemming far and wide, and it’s not just America where conservative idiots ruin everything they touch. And if you’re thinking of moving out of the United States just because Donald J. Trump is our current president and our nation is turning to shit, you should know what it is you’re getting into should you decide that you want to leave the country. Normally this is that part where we recap the previous trips, but this is a new year and a new tour, we’re starting off fresh! Here’s the tour schedule:

[font size="6"]Spain[/font]

We are back on the road! Like I said it’s a new tour and we are starting off fresh. Ah it’s good to be back in Europe everybody! So let’s talk about Spain. It’s one of earth’s oldest civilizations, and you would know that if you played the game Civilization. You’d also know that it’s home to a world wonder – one of the world’s oldest forts, Alhambra. Which served as a royal court for Queen Isabella after the Spanish Conquistador in the 1400s. Of course the dominant sport in Spain is none other than football, and Spain is home to one of Europe’s most dominant leagues – La Liga! Which is the home to such teams as FC Barcelona, Sevilla, Valencia, Levante, and Real Sociedad. Of course outside of FC Barcelona, I have no idea who is on any of these teams. And Spanish food and culture is amazing too. Most people think Spanish food is Tapas – and a lot of it is – but real Spanish food is Paella, and I have an amazing bowl of it right in front of me! Oh come on, if you think I’m going to do a bit on Spain without eating a giant bowl of Paella, and some traditional Spanish dancers behind me, you don’t know this show! Yes, sir, and I will fight you for it! I mean come on it’s the start of a new season here, we’re breaking it in! But the capital – Barcelona, is also in the Spanish region of Catalan, which if you have noticed is in the news quite a lot lately, but for what reason?

“Could either of you tell me the unemployment rate in Catalonia?” Jordi Évole asked Inés Arrimadas and Marta Rovira on his TV show Salvados in what became the inaugural debate of Catalonia’s December 21 regional-election campaign, held just nine days before the vote.

“I think it’s around 19–20 percent,” Arrimadas, the leader in Catalonia of the right-wing Ciudadanos party, said before noting that it depended on whether one used statistics collected by the national organization or by the regional, Catalan organization. “I agree,” Rovira, secretary-general of the center-left Left Republican party (ERC), replied, adding that the Catalan economy had shown signs of recovery in October. “There I disagree,” Arrimadas shot back. “The October numbers have been very bad for Catalonia because the unemployment rate in Catalonia has increased at twice the rate of the rest of Spain.” Évole interjected to avoid a shouting match: “I just asked for the figure.” That figure, he revealed, was 12.5 percent.

Yeah holy shit! So Spain has a right wing nationalist problem just like we do! Do they wave guns and claim to worship Jesus as much as we do? I hope not! Now you might be thinking “it’s all well and good, but how do Spain’s football stars feel about this?”. Well I answer you good sir / madam with this:

Lionel Messi has ensured he could become a free agent if Barcelona no longer plays in a major European league as a result of Catalan independence, Spanish media wrote on Friday. Messi According to a report in Madrid daily El Mundo, the contract Messi signed last November includes a clause that he must remain a Barcelona player only as long as the club is playing in “a top-level European league.” A source at Barcelona told AFP that “for reasons of confidentiality the club never comments on contractual relations with players.” Catalonian nationalists proclaimed independence from Spain after a referendum on October 1, precipitating a crisis which is still unresolved.

I like that one! But this whole Catalonia thing isn’t going away. You know this scenario is one to watch as it’s an indicator of what it might be like should my home state of California or anywhere on the West Coast try to secede:

“Could either of you tell me the unemployment rate in Catalonia?” Jordi Évole asked Inés Arrimadas and Marta Rovira on his TV show Salvados in what became the inaugural debate of Catalonia’s December 21 regional-election campaign, held just nine days before the vote.

“I think it’s around 19–20 percent,” Arrimadas, the leader in Catalonia of the right-wing Ciudadanos party, said before noting that it depended on whether one used statistics collected by the national organization or by the regional, Catalan organization. “I agree,” Rovira, secretary-general of the center-left Left Republican party (ERC), replied, adding that the Catalan economy had shown signs of recovery in October. “There I disagree,” Arrimadas shot back. “The October numbers have been very bad for Catalonia because the unemployment rate in Catalonia has increased at twice the rate of the rest of Spain.” Évole interjected to avoid a shouting match: “I just asked for the figure.” That figure, he revealed, was 12.5 percent.

Bet you didn’t think it was going to be him did you? I mean in Russia’s bizarre quest for world domination through internet memes (hey! That’s our job! ), of course you can count on false information to be spread. Like the possibility of Trump simply ridding himself of his Puerto Rico problem and returning the island back to Spain:

Whatever surface plausibility the article may have had stemmed from strained relations between the United States and Puerto Rico in the aftermath of Hurricane Maria in September 2017. The territory was devastated by the storm, which left millions without power and basic necessities for months. The Trump administration was criticized by many inside and outside Puerto Rico for what was termed an inadequate, too-slow response to the crisis. President Trump said the government’s response compared favorably to that in past hurricanes and told Puerto Ricans the effort had thrown the federal budget “out of whack.”

Although El Nuevo Día is a reputable daily newspaper, a number of clues point to the information being false. For one, no such plan has been reported by any mainstream news outlets anywhere in the world but El Nuevo Día. For another, the agreement has not come up for public debate or voting in Congress, despite the claim that it “enjoys overwhelming support” there. Additionally, there is no U.S. Senator from Alabama (or any other state) named Luke McCullen. (The article also names a fictional U.S. Ambassador to Spain, “Cletus Ryder.” The actual ambassador, confirmed by the Senate in November 2017, is Duke Buchan.)

A disclaimer at the bottom of the article revealed that the story is, in fact, a prank:

So that might actually be fake news!! Yes! A real life example of what passes for fake news everybody, bravo, Spain, well done!!! Oh, oh the kids love fake news don’t they? But you know part of the reason we did this whole World Tour thing is we really want to educate you as to what you’re getting into should you decide to leave the US to see how the rest of the world lives, and should you decide to move to Spain, well, here’s what you’re in for.

Local property tax rates vary, dependent mainly on the size of the town, said María L. de Castro, director at Costaluz Lawyers in Cádiz, Spain. “The rate ranges from 0.4% to 1.1% of the cadastral value” of the property, she said. Cadastral value, which usually is lower than market value, is “an objectively determined administrative value for each property based on data in the real estate cadaster,” she explained.

When buying a property, be sure to verify that all previous local property taxes have been paid, Ms. De Castro advised. Otherwise they will become your responsibility upon purchase.

A nonresident who owns a Spanish property also has to file yearly income tax. If you rent out your property, you would need to report the rental income and pay 24% of the rentals to the Spanish Tax Office, said Vera Liprandi, partner and office director of the Tenerife branch of De Cotta Law in Spain.

Except he doesn’t drink. Maybe someone could hold his Diet Coke. Ah, who am I kidding? Trump doesn’t need Spain to justify his crazy, he’s just born that way! But while Spain is rasslin’ over the Catalonia lands, the Canary Islands goes to say: “Hold my beer”!

Among them is the Canary Islands, a Spanish territory about 100 kilometers off the North African coast.

Conquered by the Kingdom of Castile in the late 15th century, the archipelago was granted a substantial degree of autonomy by Madrid through bilateral treaties, under which it was allowed to have its own military and currency.

However, in 1873, when Spain saw the establishment of its first republic, Madrid unilaterally nullified its treaty with the Canary Islands and tried to assimilate it into the rest of the country.

It wasn’t until the founding of the left-wing second republic in Spain in the 1930s that the degree of autonomy was once again restored in the Canary Islands.

[font size="6"]The Verdict & Scorecard[/font]

USA: “This is the craziest political turmoil we’ve ever seen in our nation’s history.” Spain: “Hold my beer…”.

Tourism: A+
Culture: A+
Political Spectrum: D-
Liberal Appeal: B+

Overall: C

[font size="6"]Next Week[/font]

Next week we’re heading off to – yeah go ahead, insert your own Polish joke here – because that’s where we are headed to – Poland!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Primus[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen my good friend Les Claypool has returned to the show! And this time he’s brought his friends Larry and Tim, and of course I’m talking about the one, the only Primus! Playing their song “The Seven” from their new album “The Desaturating Seven”, please welcome Primus!

Yeah how about that?

See you next week!


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January 3, 2018

Top 10 Conservative Idiots: Best Of Season 3

Top 10 Conservative Idiots: Best Of Season 3

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Oh…. Oh hello! I know right? Whose balls did I have to fondle to get season 4? I can’t tell you, but it rhymes with “Pinner”! So as you can tell, while we’re giving you this edition of also-rans, let me tell you that we have some big things prepared for seasons 4 and 5, and I’m especially looking forward to the return of our March Madness inspired Stupidest State contest! But as far as the Stupidest State goes - will Texas retain their crown or will they be unseated by a new upstart team or will one of the conference favorites retake their title? We’re also going to do another lecture series at some point and we’re going to have a few more go rounds of our popular World Tour where we are going to pick up on some popular and not so popular destinations we might have missed. Plus we missed Chile the first go round, so we are making up for it. As for what happens after that? We have some big things planned but I will not reveal them at least for the time being. What? That’s what I get for doing these not in front of an audience! But while we're laying dormant we're busy creating new graphics, finding new funny memes (you can only use the same one so many times) and creating new bits for your amusement. Plus we are still planning the launch of our first ever Top 10 Podcast. So before we get to the meat of this “best of” we’re going to show that time John Oliver talked about Infowars and exposed the products being sold at Alex Jones’ store, then proceeded to sell Million Dollar Taint Wipes. Hey we own a couple of those! Just kidding!

So where do we begin this “best of” while we’re waiting for season 4? As usual for our best of segments, some of the videos and memes may have been deleted but if possible we will try to use equivalents of the joke we were going for. In the number 1 slot, from Idiots #3-5, is Donald Trump (1) and it’s from way back last summer when Trump went to Poland, and it was about as big of a shit show as you could possibly imagine. Taking the second slot, from Idiots #3-8, is that guy who lasted a total of 10 days in the White House, and we are going to explore the morning drive time banter between Donald Trump and Anthony Scaramucci in “DT And The Mooch” (2). At number 3 is of course Donald Trump (3) and we're going to Idiots #3-25, where his insane McDonalds order was revealed and we had the audacity to try it! Yeah my stomach did not survive that day. In the fourth slot, from Idiots #3-23 Taking the fourth slot from Idiots #3-23, we’re going to ask “The Presidential Turkey Pardon: How Is This Still A Thing”. In the fifth slot is our weekly sermon of all things holy, “Holy Shit”, and for this one we’re going to Idiots #3-16, where after the horrifying shooting in Las Vegas, the Christian right predictably told the victims of the shooting to go fuck themselves. At number 6, from Idiots #3-17, the Alt Right (6) complain to the video game publisher Bethesda that the new game “Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus” features too much Nazi killing, and you really can’t make this shit up. In the number 7 slot, from Idiots #3-10, we profile Sebastian Gorka in our segment (that we kind of stole from Jim Jeffries) – “This Fucking Guy”. In the number 8 slot, from Idiots #3-15, Alex Jones (8) might possibly be losing it completely. Taking the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot is an edition of “People Are Dumb” from Idiots #3-23, where we saw a guy who really wanted to prove the Earth was flat so he attempted to launch himself in a homemade rocket. In the number 10 slot, from Idiots #3-19, we’re going to take you back to the World Tour where we talked about how China’s falling space station could possibly kill a whole lot of us! Plus we’re also going to end with that time we had Macklemore on the show, which I believe was also the same episode! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #3-5

That happened! So Trump may be the president, but he’s still a loser. Last week, he was on the second leg of his World Deplorable Tour 2017. And this time he went to Poland. Of course, I could point out the last time a crazy wannabe dictator with a messianic complex went to Poland, but we’re on a schedule, we don’t have that kind of time. So here’s the most fucked up thing about this whole G20 summit visit – and we’ll get to the Putin meeting later. But we might need the Sad Hulk Music for this one.


Donald Trump didn’t exactly earn a unanimously warm welcome during his first trip to Europe as president in May. To ensure that his second visit starts off on a far more positive note this week, considerable measures are being taken, including those borrowed straight from the Communist Party playbook.

Ahead of making his way to Germany for the start of the G-20 summit Friday, Trump will land in Poland Wednesday and is guaranteed a rapturous reception: Supportive crowds literally will be bused in to cheer for him.

Worst party bus ever, by the way! And here’s the even more fucked up thing – Poland obviously believes the same bullshit that we do! Is there a Fox News affiliate in Poland?

Trump will find a rare European friend in Poland, a country governed by its own nationalistic government and encouraged by the new U.S. president’s intention to shake up the global political order. Defense Minister Antoni Macierewicz said that, like Trump, Poland’s government was being attacked by “liberals, post-communists, lefties and genderists.” He added that Trump was “a man who is changing the shape of the world’s political scene.”

Aw………… Trumpy made a friend!!!

Thanks Trumpy! But we still haven’t got to the heart of the matter yet. Apparently, the Pols are not known for getting American history right. And it was full on in display this week:

Oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy shit!! Do they not understand that this is pretty much our equivalent of flying the Nazi flag? Seriously? Wow! Switching subjects, for a minute, before we get into the meat of this, we got to show what Mike Pence did.

It’s like Peter Griffin is in charge!

But this might be the saddest part of the whole G20 summit. Trump was often seen angry and alone – as Trump himself would say – it’s really very sad, OK?

For the second time in a matter of days, the Great Embarrassment — otherwise known as President Donald Trump — was caught on camera looking confused as he aimlessly wandered around, unclear about what he was doing.

On July 4, video emerged of a confused Trump exiting Air Force one and wandering off instead of entering the limousine that was literally right in front of the plane. He had to be directed back to the vehicle.

The second incident where Trump appeared to be confused was just after finishing his speech in Warsaw, Poland.

Trump looked as if he didn’t know where to go.

It’s understandable he’d look to his many handlers for some kind of direction if he wasn’t sure of his next move. Instead, he slowly and aimlessly walked away from the podium, adjusted his suit jacket and stared awkwardly into the crowd. Sad.

But Trump was often seen alone at the G20. You know, like that kid who is picked last for football, and rather than play he says "fuck it", and spends recess playing Angry Birds on the bench. Can we show that picture? You know – can we show that picture?

Forget the Sad Hulk Music – this needs something much sadder!

Thank you! And here’s how wrong Trump is when it comes to things. The president of Poland often had to correct Trump on international trade. Oh yeah he’s wrong on everything! But why do you trust him, Poland??? You’ve been invaded by ruthless dictators before!

Donald Trump’s understanding of international trade deals has been called into question by Poland’s President after he seemingly misunderstood the scope of US influence on export pricing.

Andrzej Duda was forced to correct Mr Trump during a joint press conference as part of the US leader’s second foreign visit.

The former real estate mogul joked that the US would be able to influence the pricing for Liquid Natural Gas (LNG) exports.

But why does Poland love Trump so much that they’re willing to bend to our bullshit?

Thus far, Donald Trump has governed as a typical Republican president, with the usual suite of tax cuts, deregulation, and conservative nominees for the federal bench. The difference is that unlike his predecessors, Trump isn’t rooted in the tenets of conservativism. Indeed, as a man of id and impulse, it’s hard to say he’s rooted in anything. To the extent that he does have an ideology, it’s a white American chauvinism and its attendant nativism and racism. It was the core of his “birther” crusade against Barack Obama—the claim that for reasons of blood and heritage, Obama couldn’t be legitimate—and the pitch behind his campaign for president. Trump would restore American greatness by erasing the racial legacy of Obama’s presidency: the Hispanic immigration, the Muslim refugees, the black protesters.

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[font size="8"]DT & The Mooch
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #3-8

So last week at Comic Con, Marvel Studios announced more casting news and started teasing footage of two of it’s most highly anticipated movies yet – Avengers: Infinity War and next year’s sequel to Ant-Man, called “Ant Man & The Wasp”. But while we have to wait until next July for the Ant-Man sequel, we can watch our own hilarious duo right now – Donald Trump & Anthony Scaramucci, or as they’re known by their morning drive time handle, DT & The Mooch. Coming up next on DT & The Mooch, it’s the Wednesday morning fart song! And last week – The Mooch was firing on all cylinders!

“The swamp will not defeat him,” he said, breaking into the third person. “They’re trying to resist me, but it’s not going to work. I’ve done nothing wrong on my financial disclosures, so they’re going to have to go fuck themselves.”

Scaramucci also told me that, unlike other senior officials, he had no interest in media attention. “I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own cock,” he said, speaking of Trump’s chief strategist. “I’m not trying to build my own brand off the fucking strength of the President. I’m here to serve the country.” (Bannon declined to comment.)

He reiterated that Priebus would resign soon, and he noted that he told Trump that he expected Priebus to launch a campaign against him. “He didn’t get the hint that I was reporting directly to the President,” he said. “And I said to the President here are the four or five things that he will do to me.” His list of allegations included leaking the Hannity dinner and the details from his financial-disclosure form.

Yeah. I mean this is just an utter embarrassment at this point. The GOP has spent the last 20 years mercilessly attacking Clinton for… something. And now we have a complete joke of a presidency that’s getting worse and worse by the minute. I mean The Mooch does need his mouth washed out with soap at this point. And I haven’t even got to the bulk of what he said yet! We need to go full S&P on The Mooch, I’m afraid!

“They’ll all be fired by me,” he said. “I fired one guy the other day. I have three to four people I’ll fire tomorrow. I’ll get to the person who leaked that to you. Reince Priebus—if you want to leak something—he’ll be asked to resign very shortly.” The issue, he said, was that he believed Priebus had been worried about the dinner because he hadn’t been invited. “Reince is a fucking paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac,” Scaramucci said. He channelled Priebus as he spoke: “ ‘Oh, Bill Shine is coming in. Let me leak the fucking thing and see if I can cock-block these people the way I cock-blocked Scaramucci for six months.’ ” (Priebus did not respond to a request for comment.)

Hey Scaramucci, you can’t just curse out the Trump administration, that’s my fucking job!!!!! Thank you audience! You know this feels like that point in the series where the writers feel the need to change things up. So they start killing off favorite characters (like Sean Spicer) and replacing them with new hot shots. And then new plot twists are introduced. Scaramucci called a guy a cocksucker? So outrageous!!! So with that in mind we’re going to go full Standards & Practices on Anthony Scaramucci and do a live bleep of his briefing!

“They’ll all be fired by me,” he said. “I fired one guy the other day. I have three to four people I’ll fire tomorrow. I’ll get to the person who leaked that to you. Reince Priebus—if you want to leak something—he’ll be asked to resign very shortly.” The issue, he said, was that he believed Priebus had been worried about the dinner because he hadn’t been invited. “Reince is a <BLEEP>ing paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac,” Scaramucci said. He channelled Priebus as he spoke: “ ‘Oh, Bill Shine is coming in. Let me leak the <BLEEP>ing thing and see if I can <BLEEP> block these people the way I <BLEEP>-blocked Scaramucci for six months.’ ” (Priebus did not respond to a request for comment.)

Thank you! And he’s referring to himself in the third person? I mean this guy really is a perfect candidate for the Jersey Shore reboot! “Hey it’s Tony S here and I’m going to <BLEEP> all you <BLEEP>ing <BLEEP> ing <BLEEPS>!!!!” Maybe he should start a department store called “Nobody Beats The Mooch!”. But did you know he has a wife and a kid, possibly more? Yes somebody decided to swipe right on that guy, and we feel sorry for you!

Anthony Scaramucci sent his wife a text after she gave birth to their second child saying, "Congratulations, I’ll pray for our child," it has been claimed.

Donald Trump’s communications director reportedly sent the message after missing the birth of his second child, James, with his estranged wife Deidre.

The pair reportedly separated some months ago and Ms Scaramucci filed for divorce just two weeks before she gave birth to her son, when she was eight months pregnant.

Wait – that’s it? Your wife just gave birth to your son and your first thing to do is text her “I’ll pray for you?”. How do you handle other family announcements? “Congrats on your wedding, cousin! I’ll pray for you!”. Maybe that’s why he’s getting divorced. But he’s the Mooch, and nobody beats him!

The wife of newly named White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci reportedly wants a divorce, just days after giving birth to the couple’s son.

The Page Six gossip column of The New York Post on Friday reported that Deidre Ball, 38, had filed for divorce from Scaramucci. Ball began dating the 53-year-old Scaramucci in 2011 and they are believed to have gotten married in 2014, according to the Post. They have two children together, one of whom was born prematurely this past Monday.

Ball’s lawyer, Jill Stone, on Saturday confirmed the divorce story to The New York Daily News, but shot down rumors that Scaramucci’s “naked ambition” and desire to be a fixture in President Donald Trump’s administration drove a wedge between the couple.

“Whoever decided to state that that was the cause, that has nothing to do with her filing for divorce,” Stone told the paper, declining to get into specifics.

And now my producer is telling me that Trump has decided to fire Anthony Scaramucci. So this will be it for DT & The Mooch.

WASHINGTON — President Trump has decided to remove Anthony Scaramucci from his position as communications director, three people close to the decision said Monday, relieving him just days after Mr. Scaramucci unloaded a crude verbal tirade against other senior members of the president’s senior staff.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #3-25

You know I originally had an entry where I was going to talk about how pathetic the Trump’s first White House Christmas tree lighting ceremony went, and it went about as well as you could expect. But I didn’t like the entry. Instead – I want to talk about something else – the Trump diet. Everyone knows how much our glorious leader loves him some fast food. He even went out of his way to get the White House to create his favorite sandwich – The Big Mac.

Elton John blares so loudly on Donald Trump’s campaign plane that staffers can’t hear themselves think. Press secretary Hope Hicks uses a steamer to press Trump’s pants — while he is still wearing them. Trump screams at his top aides, who are subjected to ­expletive-filled tirades in which they get their “face ripped off.”

And Trump’s appetite seems to know no bounds when it comes to McDonald’s, with a dinner order consisting of “two Big Macs, two Fillet-O-Fish, and a chocolate malted.”

The scenes are among the most surreal passages in a forthcoming book chronicling Trump’s path to the presidency co-written by Corey Lewandowski, who was fired as Trump’s campaign manager, and David Bossie, another top aide. The book, “Let Trump Be Trump,” paints a portrait of a campaign with an untested candidate and staff rocketing from crisis to crisis, in which Lewandowski and a cast of mostly neophyte political aides learn on the fly and ultimately accept Trump’s propensity to go angrily off message.

So screaming. Check. Insatiable love of junk food? Check. The only thing missing seems to be that he needs the toy from the happy meals. He really is a man child. Seriously – I predicted that he would go full Howard Hughes by the end of his first term. And he might already be there.

Now, in a new book from former Donald Trump associates Corey Lewandowski and David Bossie, Let Trump Be Trump, the two detail the president’s eating habits — which do much to explain both his body type and his explosive temper.

“There were four major food groups: McDonald’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken, pizza, and Diet Coke,” they write.

While on the road, the campaign would often stop at McDonald’s, where Trump would order two Big Macs, two Filet-O-Fish sandwiches, and a chocolate milkshake, which roughly equals a whopping 2,420 calories.

The book also details how campaign staffer Sam Nunberg was purposely left behind at a McDonald’s when his personal order took too long. “Leave him,” Trump said. He was left behind at the counter, waiting for his food.

Yeah Trump’s food pyramid is kind of like the one from Idiocracy. Only replace the Brawndo with Diet Coke. Diet Coke a shitload!!!! Here’s something else that signals that Trump has the diet of a two year old.

The plane’s cupboards were stacked with Vienna Fingers, potato chips, pretzels and many packages of Oreos because Trump, a renowned germaphobe, would not eat from a previously opened package.

Worse still is how central this diet is to letting Trump “be Trump,” to quote the book’s title. Adviser Sam Nunberg got purposely left behind at one McDonald’s because his “special-order burger” was taking too long for the president. “Leave him,” Trump supposedly ordered. “Let’s go.” Lewandowski and Bossie add that orchestrating Trump’s meals was literally “as important as any other aspect of his march to the presidency.” Ensuring that a bag of hot fast food was waiting for Trump on the plane was therefore an all-hands-on-deck situation.

Vienna sausages? Seriously? Dude, I live in California. You know the only thing you’re supposed to do with a can of Vienna sausages? You put them in your disaster preparedness kit and then you never see them ever again! Those things are not meant for human consumption. But here’s the thing – Trump loves fast food for the cleanliness despite that his own restaurant failed to meet health standards (see: Idiots #2-20. But how clean are they?

There is seemingly no end to the list of policies by President Donald Trump that Democrats and Republicans argue about. But one matter that might be indisputable is Trump’s contention that fast food restaurants are cleaner than other establishments.


The company found that fast food restaurants had lower bacteria counts overall, and many times, germs were contained in the bathrooms (a small relief, though you may want to use that toilet seat cover next time). In five-star restaurants, germs were evenly divided between the bathrooms and condiments. The reason, according to the report authors, is the extra layer of dish-washing at nicer restaurants as many casual places utilize disposable utensils.

Bacillus cereus bacteria, which was found to be more prevalent in the five-star establishments, are found in food items and can cause diarrhea, nausea and vomiting. Gram positive cocci, which was found in fast-food restaurants, is responsible for staph infections. So neither strain is exactly pleasant.

Trump's eating habits have garnered lots of attention as the businessman-turned-president is fairly vocal about his intake of fast food, but a new book released Tuesday, Let Trump Be Trump, further details his drive-thru diet. Written by Trump’s former campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, and former deputy campaign manager and transition team director, David Bossie, the book explains how the president sustained himself on junk food during his campaign, reported The Washington Post.

Actually, you’re right on this one, sir. For once. So for those of you keeping score at home, we have Trump – 1, Top 10 – 1,434,313,141,123! Ha!!!! And we haven’t even hit edition #100 yet! But Trump’s diet is not meant for mere mortals!

It's a well-documented fact that Donald Trump loves fast food.

And as attested to in a new book written by two of his former campaign aides, his go-to from McDonald's is quite the tall order.

The president's typical order at the Golden Arches is two Big Macs, two Filet-o-Fish sandwiches, and a large chocolate shake - malted, according to the book. That's a lot of calories for one meal - 2,430 in all.

I'm a big fan of McDonald's myself - my shameless love of the Big Mac is public knowledge. It's my go-to order at McDonald's, no less.

Of course, I only order one, but who's counting? I'm assuming running a global business enterprise takes a lot of energy, never mind leading the free world.

So, I decided to try Trump's beefy and brash lunch choice to truly immerse myself in the down-to-earth culinary tastes of one of the most powerful men in the world.

Thank you Thor! You know - *WE* are going to attempt this feat for superiority. I have in front of me – two Big Macs, two Filet O Fishes, and a large chocolate shake. Oh yeah that’s good shit! *30 minutes later* Excuse me… … I mean couldn’t Trump just go the way of Richmond Valentine from the movie Kingsman?

It's no secret that Donald Trump isn't the healthiest guy out there. But now, thanks to some new insider information, we learned just how far his unhealthy habits reach: Trump's presidential diet resembles that of a 17-year-old stoner.

An upcoming book by ousted campaign manager Corey Lewandowski details Trump's favorite foods, including KFC, pizza, Diet Coke, and of course, McDonald's. His trademark feast at Mickey D's happens to be two Big Macs, a chocolate malt, and two of the perpetually controversial Filet-O-Fish—a sandwich that happens to be Desus Nice's favourite, as well.

"If even someone as bad as Donald Trump can enjoy a Filet-O-Fish, that is the unity we need to bring this nation together," Desus said.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #3-23

Time once again to ask:

This week: The Presidential Turkey Pardon. How Is This Still A Thing? Can we please admit that in 2017, that the presidential turkey pardon is one of the stupidest traditions in American history? Especially when a giant turkey currently occupies the Oval Office? I mean what business does Trump have pardoning a turkey when he is one? And anyone remember how lavish his Thanksgiving spread was? And they call Hillary the elitist. But like one of my favorite traditions – the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest (‘Merica!!!) on July 4th, the presidential turkey pardon gets more ridiculous every year, and it really makes one wonder why the terrorists hate us. This year adds a turkey fashion show:

What makes a good presidential turkey? Showmanship. A readiness to strut his stuff and gobble on command, yet enough restraint to stay on a table for the big photo op.

So say a Minnesota turkey farmer and 4-H kids who raised the turkey that will go to the White House for an official pardon from President Donald Trump on Tuesday. It's the 70th anniversary of the National Thanksgiving Turkey tradition. Here's a little deeper look at the event and what goes into it:


White House archives show that Americans have sent presidents holiday turkeys at least since 1873 under President Ulysses S. Grant. But the National Thanksgiving Turkey dates from 1947, when the National Turkey Federation became the official supplier and presented a 47-pound gobbler to President Harry Truman. In those days the turkeys were destined for dinner.

I like that one! Excuse me a minute… By the way, if you want suggestions for a centerpiece maybe don’t ask Ivanka Trump, because at a Thanksgiving dinner, you want people to come to the table, not run away from it screaming in horror!

The lifestyle brand named after the first daughter tweeted out a blog post on Thursday featuring ideas from interior designer Allison Domonoske on how to create a memorable Thanksgiving centerpiece. But instead of being trendy and popular, the suggestions were nightmarish and widely mocked.

IvankaTrump.com called the creation a "beautiful, bold and unexpected Thanksgiving tablescape," but the internet disagreed. It not only tore apart Domonoske's concept—a giant clam shell filled with pumpkins, moss, milkweed, pine cones and driftwood—but also searched for hidden meaning in the project.

Several Twitter users noted that even the pumpkins Domonoske selected were white, linking the choice to Donald Trump's anti-immigrant rhetoric, repeated Muslim ban proposals and his perma-tanned skin. Some compared the over-the-top nature of the decoration to the president's $100 million gilded penthouse in New York City. And others simply pointed out the differences in the priorities of the first family versus everyday Americans.

Can we show that?


Yeah that doesn’t say “beautiful and unexpected”, that says “I’m going to eat your children in their sleep and give them nightmares!”. Back to the subject at hand – the presidential turkey pardon. Pundits are already speculating that this might be the weirdest Thanksgiving ever. Thanks Putin for ruining my favorite holiday for me!

Drumstick and Wishbone have been living it up in Washington, D.C. – but only one has what it takes to be the National Thanksgiving Turkey.

President Donald Trump will pardon one of the gobblers at 1 p.m. on Tuesday at the White House, as part of a tradition that may date as far back as Abraham Lincoln. This ritual will mark the 70th year the National Turkey Federation has presented the president with a turkey.

Trump will either pardon either Drumstick or Wishbone, depending on the results of a poll from the White House. (While just one will be used for the ceremony, both will be spared from the Thanksgiving table.)

The two turkeys appear to be living a life of luxury as they await the ceremony in the capital. Photos of both birds posted on the White House’s Twitter and Instagram accounts showed them staying at the Willard InterContinental Hotel, a five-star hotel just blocks away from the White House.

How about this – maybe don’t name turkeys after the food they will ultimately will become, let’s not torture the poor birds! But here’s the main difference between the democratic and republican Thanksgivings, and can you be shocked at how the other one lives? And they have the nerve to call the democrats elitist!

This is probably why it feels like we’re gearing up for a very weird Thanksgiving this year, under Trump. It’s the most American of holidays, and it’s the most humanizing of presidential celebrations, as, usually, we get to see the president doing what presidents have always done, despite their political gains and losses. But Donald Trump has already shown how awkwardly (if not offensively) he performs the least polemicized of presidential duties, like calling the family members of fallen soldiers or visiting with the victims of natural disasters. Not to mention, how he managed to make a visit from trick-or-treating children on Halloween as uncomfortable as possible.

The White House Thanksgiving is epitomized by the presidential turkey pardon in the Rose Garden, one of those bizarre, off-kilter traditions that are next-to-impossible to fully explain to foreigners, like trying to convey the meaning of a particularly wonky idiom. On Tuesday, Trump will pardon two turkeys (as usual, a chosen turkey and a back-up) though we have yet to know their names. It’s difficult to imagine this will go very smoothly for him, with his strange history with animals. Not only are his offspring famous for shooting them, Trump had that very odd and oft-memed photoshoot with a bald eagle for Time magazine (the eagle could clearly sense something was wrong). And many people have remarked that Trump is the first president in several decades not to have a dog (or cat or fish or bird), despite a member of his Palm Beach cohort seemingly rearing one (Patton) expressly for that purpose

Yes – how do you explain this to foreigners? You can’t even really explain it to children. See kids? That turkey has been fed a steady diet of hardcore steroids and growth formulas! That’s why it’s big enough to be the national turkey! But we can’t eat it! And a new study shows that Trump and turkey don’t mix:

Turkey and Trump don’t mix, and now we have the data to prove it.

Economists M. Keith Chen of UCLA and Ryne Rohla of Washington State University used location records from 10 million smartphones and precinct-level voting data to prove that Donald Trump’s election shortened Thanksgiving dinners by 62 million hours nationwide in 2016. Their working paper is currently under review by the journal Science.

The research showed that politically divided families cut their parties short by an average of 20 to 30 minutes and that Republican voters were more likely to leave parties in Democratic households than Democrats were to leave Republican ones. The partisan divide was even more pronounced in areas with heavily targeted political advertising.

Chen and Rohla started their research by using anonymized data from Safegraph, which collected more than 17 trillion smartphone location markers in November 2016. These statistics allowed “observation of actual (not self-reported) movement behavior, at extremely precise spatial and temporal levels,” they write.

And guess where Trump is having his first ever Thanksgiving dinner? We’ll give you a hint – it ain’t at the White House, that is for damn sure!

Plans appear to be underway for President Trump to spend Thanksgiving at his Mar-a-Lago estate in Florida.

The Federal Aviation Administration issued a "VIP Movement Notification" for Palm Beach, Fla., Tuesday night, flagging dates between Nov. 21 and 26 for flight restrictions.

The notices are typically issued ahead of planned visits by the president to give other pilots advanced warning of possible restrictions in a particular area.

The latest FAA notice was first reported by the Palm Beach Post.

So there you have it – a perfect storm of meat sweats, terrible Thanksgiving decorations, and an actual turkey in the White House. That’s enough to make you ask – the Presidential Turkey Pardon:

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #3-16

Yes friends! Gather around, friends! Pass the collection plate, friends!!! Yay, during this most troubling of times we once again turn to the holiest among us. But unfortunately we realize that the holiest among us are full of…

Today, in the most darkest of times, after the most horrifying of mass shootings, we are once again turning to the most godly among us. And we are very much finding out that the godliest among us are also the craziest among us. To start this segment, we have our old friend – the guy who goes out of his way to pretend he’s a coach, Dave Daubenmire. Who offered this batshit craziest of theories about the shooting.

On his “Pass The Salt Live” webcast this morning, Religious Right activist Dave Daubenmire said last night’s mass shooting in Las Vegas, in which 50 people were killed and hundreds more were wounded, was just the latest example of “the wrath of God” being unleashed on America for being such a wicked nation.

“In the world of America, where guys climb up on towers in Las Vegas and pick off people at a concert,” he said, “where people indiscriminately kill one another, the wrath of God [is] being revealed. See, the wrath of God being revealed means that the things that the Lord used to prevent, He doesn’t prevent so much any more. He doesn’t prevent them. Maybe He doesn’t cause them, He doesn’t cause a hurricane to come into Houston, but He doesn’t prevent it. That’s for sure.”

“Maybe He doesn’t cause that guy to shoot people, but He doesn’t prevent it,” Daubenmire continued. “We used to have a sense of spiritual covering over us but it’s rapidly disappearing because, even though I stand for the Pledge of Allegiance, the American government is pretty wicked.”

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! These two things have absolutely nothing to do with each other, just like Dave has nothing to do with being an actual coach. I mean come on David, we can tell you're standing in front of an obviously fake blue screen stadium backdrop. Can we rolleth thy tape on that?

But then Dave not only doesn’t back down, he doubles down on his theory and suggests that Stephen Paddock might have been a government controlled assassin:

Religious Right activist Dave Daubenmire used his “Pass The Salt Live” webcast this morning to address the pressing question of whether the person responsible for last weekend’s mass shooting in Las Vegas might have been a victim of government mind control.

Daubenmire said that we all know “about mind control being used to create super soldiers, hidden assassins that are going to emerge” and so people must admit that “this is real.”

“Whether this guy was a mind-controlled assassin, we don’t know that,” Daubenmire said, “but the idea that he was a mind control assassin is not far out. It’s not far out, folks. And if you’re foolish enough to think that this is tinfoil hat stuff and this isn’t going on, I don’t know what to tell you.”

“We know this stuff is real,” he said later in the broadcast as he tried to connect the issue of mind control to Antifa, Barack Obama and George Soros.


David, I believe my son, that you have been hitteh in thine head too many times. You know this stuff is real? Do you haveth thine proof? No? Then sit back down! Next up we have Pat Robertson. How is it that we lost Frank Zappa back in 1993 but Pat Robertson is still alive? Jesus must think he’s a real jerk.

On “The 700 Club” today, televangelist Pat Robertson linked last night’s mass shooting in Las Vegas to a disrespect for President Trump, the national anthem and God.

“Violence in the streets, ladies and gentlemen. Why is it happening?” he asked. “The fact that we have disrespect for authority; there is profound disrespect for our president, all across this nation they say terrible things about him. It’s in the news, it’s in other places. There is disrespect now for our national anthem, disrespect for our veterans, disrespect for the institutions of our government, disrespect for the court system. All the way up and down the line, disrespect.”

“Until there is biblical authority,” Robertson continued, “there has to be some controlling authority in our society and there is none. And when there is no vision of God, the people run amok … and we have taken from the American people the vision of God, the whole idea of reward and punishment, an ultimate judge of all our actions, we’ve taken that away. When there is no vision of God, the people run amok.”

Next up we are switching subjects. You know Alabama’s senate candidate Roy Moore? You know he is among the craziest of us. Apparently false religion beith a thing that exists, and he is combating something that apparently is not a problem.

CNN reported recently on a February speech in which Moore suggested that the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks were God’s judgment on America for having “distanced ourselves” from God, including efforts to “legitimize sodomy” and “legitimize abortion.”

Moore has long warned that God is judging America. In a 2012 speech, Moore said that Satan was behind marriage equality and legal abortion, which is why God “has a controversy with the inhabitants of this land, and until we reject those evils, we shall suffer accordingly”:

Yay, what are these people even angry about? Do they even know anymore? They’ve been lied to for so long they don’t know what they’re mad about. I mean really is the right’s argument about gay marriage even valid anymore? Well there’s Bryan Fischer – who believes that the right way to solve a gun problem is guess what? More guns!

American Family Radio’s Bryan Fischer said on his radio show yesterday that the problem at the heart of the recent mass shooting in Las Vegas is that too few people had guns.

Fischer told a caller who wondered if the massacre could have been stopped if armed guests in the Mandalay Bay hotel had burst into the shooter’s room and killed him that “that was a good question to raise.”

While admitting that breaking down a hotel room door in order to confront a heavily armed assailant in the midst of carrying out a massacre “might have been difficult” for an average hotel guest, Fischer said “it certainly would create the possibility if there was somebody next door with a weapon, maybe this thing could have been stopped before 55 people were dead.”

“The problem is not too many guns,” Fischer said, “but too few.”

Really these people couldn’t be more stupid if they had tried. That comes with the problem of not thinking for thyself. But finally while on the subject of persecution – the right wing are the most paranoid among us, friends! And there is Sandy Rios.

Religious Right radio host Sandy Rios claimed that the term “alt-right” was constructed by liberals to denigrate conservatives, especially those like her who speak out “in the name of Jesus.”

While speaking with pro-Trump Religious Right leader Robert Jeffress this morning, Rios asked for his thoughts about a letter evangelical pastors sent to the White House asking that President Donald Trump take more steps to condemn the white supremacist alt-right movement. Jeffress told Rios he thought the letter was unnecessary.

“Let’s be clear. The president has soundly denounced racism,” Jeffress said, citing Trump’s signing of a joint resolution of Congress that renounced white supremacist and other hate groups. The letter evangelical leaders sent, Jeffress said, “is continuing to pick at a scab that does not need to be picked at.”

Rios said she agreed with Jeffress and that a lot of the “good men on this letter” didn’t fully understand what they had signed.

Yes, they just get crazier and crazier! They really are a special kind of stupid, aren’t they? But they need a lesson in how real life religion works as their treatment of our president!

As the Religious Right coalesced behind Donald Trump’s presidential campaign last year, various narratives began to emerge that Trump had found God—or at least “opened himself” to Christianity—thanks to his proximity to conservative evangelical leaders.

George Barna, a conservative Christian pollster who is out with a new book arguing that Christians brought about Trump’s election in what he has called a “major miracle” sent by God, added to this narrative in a recent interview with Virginia talk radio host Rob Schilling, saying that the conservative religious leaders who Trump has surrounded himself with in the White House have brought about a “major change” in “the heart and hopefully the soul of this man who’s now our president.”

You can’t really change a soul when that individual had no soul to begin with! Thank you very much for attending! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That is it for this week, friends! Now sayeth it with thy self:

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[font size="8"]Who’s The Snowflake?
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From: Idiots #3-17

Spin the wheel! Wheel goes round, wheel goes round, wheel goes round. Where does it stop? It stops on… Clip without context!

Because that’s what they want you to think, Dave! You know the truth is out there!

Spin it again! And we’re going to play “Who’s The Snowflake???”!

So normally we have two or 3 entries for this game. But this time we just have one, and that is Nazis. Who might be some of the biggest snowflakes of them all. Now if you play video games, you might have heard that one of gaming’s biggest publishers – Bethesda Interactive – is gearing up to release one of their biggest games in this decade. I’m talking about “Wolfenstein: The New Colossus” which is out on October 27th. Well, the trailer has riled up a certain group of individuals, and see if you can guess:

All told, Bethesda is quite proud of how it's presenting the new Wolfenstein game, and frankly, politics aside, the game's marketing seems perfectly appropriate since Wolfenstein is essentially a game about killing Nazis.

Despite the blowback, Pete Hines, Bethesda's VP for PR and marketing, did not back down from the game's anti-Nazi stance.

The video itself is just a few seconds long, depicting orderly lines of Nazi soldiers (the game's main foe) with the text "Not my America" superimposed on top of it. You could say, fighting Nazis is a staple for the franchise.

"Wolfenstein has been a decidedly anti-Nazi series since the first release more than 20 years ago".

Here's what happened. Bethesda, for those who don't know, has started marketing its new game, Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus, by directly taking on the apparent rise of neo-Nazism and alt-right in the United States. Drawing clear parallels to current U.S. politics, including Donald Trump's presidential slogan "Make America Great Again", Hines spoke up about the criticisms Bethesda had received in the wake of the trailer's release.

So let’s ask this…. *cue reverb* WHO’S… damn it!! You screwed up the reverb again! Let’s try it again. Take two! WHO’S THE SNOWFLAKE????? Oh that was good! Well, the snowflake in this case is the Nazis, because Bethesda isn’t backing down.

For so many reasons, Wolfenstein II looks to be a fantastic new addition to the classic game series, and as such, publisher Bethesda has pushed its advertising and promotional effort hard. As the company is quickly finding out, however, even if you think an advertising campaign provides a bulletproof message, you're may still to have to deal with backlash, especially if it also pushes the envelope a bit.

In this particular case, Bethesda published a trailer that held back no punches, stating: "Make America Nazi-Free Again." Blunt? Incredibly. Unfortunately, white supremacist and Nazi-related subjects have been prominent in the US news recently, while some people have related President Trump to that current landscape as well. As a result of this, and because the campaign slogan riffs off Donald Trump's original campaign slogan of "Make America Great Again" for his presidential bid, some folks have taken Bethesda's stance with this advertising campaign to be very anti-Trump.

Can we throw that tweet up there?


Yes – Make America Nazi Free Again! Assuming Steve Bannon doesn’t get to it first! But the feud between Bethesda and neo Nazi Trump trolls isn’t over. Oh no it’s just beginning! Pass the popcorn!

Wolfenstein franchise has always been about killing Nazis and the upcoming Wolfenstein 2: The New Colossus will be no different, however, Bethesda’s marketing campaign for the game is being deemed controversial by some and now the studio has come ahead to defend it.

Speaking with Game Industry, Bethesda’s VP of PR and marketing Pete Hines addressed the controversy behind Wolfenstein 2: The Colossus’ anti-Nazi marketing campaign and added that Bethesda doesn’t make games to make political statements.

At the time none of us expected that the game would be seen as a comment on current issues, but here we are. Bethesda doesn’t develop games to make specific statements or incite political discussions. We make games that we think are fun, meaningful, and immersive for a mature audience.

In Wolfenstein’s case, it’s pure coincidence that Nazis are marching in the streets of America this year. And it’s disturbing that the game can be considered a controversial political statement at all.

The controversy more or less started with the game’s recent trailer containing a “make America Nazi-free again” message to which many have made connections with the current political environment while Bethesda’s intentions are only to market the game to a wider audience.

But in case you’re wondering who BJ Blazkowicz might be up against, I give you some actual Nazis in our old buddy Milo Yiannopolous. Who got kicked out of a bar after doing this! So… reverb! WHO’S THE SNOWFLAKE???? Ooh that was good!

One night last spring, infamous right-wing provocateur Milo Yiannopoulos and Dallas' homegrown white nationalist, Richard Spencer, walked into a karaoke bar on Abrams Road in Lake Highlands. They left less than a half-hour later after being kicked out by One Nostalgia Tavern's bartenders. Before they did, someone filmed a video of Yiannopoulos singing "America the Beautiful" as Spencer and his fellow travelers gave a Nazi salute from the crowd.

Last night, the Observer talked to one of the bartenders on duty the night the video was filmed about that night and how it feels to be part of what's now the centerpiece of a Buzzfeed feature exploring the connections between Yiannopoulos' former employer Breitbart and the mishmash of white-nationalist, racist and neo-Nazis sometimes referred to as the alt-right.

"It was around 1 a.m. when [Yiannopoulos, Spencer and friends] came into the bar. It was very odd because they all had the same haircut," Amiti Perry says. "I had no idea who Richard Spencer was. I had no idea that was Milo. In fact, I had no idea that was Milo until today."

[font size="8"]”Dr.” Sebastian Gorka
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From: Idiots #3-10

It’s time for:

This week’s “This Fucking Guy” is a senior advisor of the White House – and a guy who really, really wants to emphasize the word “white” – “Dr.” Sebastian Gorka. You might be saying “who”? Because he’s really not that well known. Like Erik Prince, “Dr.” Sebastian Gorka prefers to remain in the shadows, you know, like Bane from the Dark Knight Rises. Only difference is Bane kicks ass and takes names, but I can’t really say that for anyone coming from this administration. So when what happened in Charlotte happened, guess what Gorka said?

Just days before a white supremacist rally resulted in the death of three people in Virginia, a White House adviser claimed that white supremacists were “not the problem” in America.

Sebastian Gorka, a deputy assistant to the president with a murky White House role and a controversial history, appeared on the Breitbart News Daily radio show to discuss the real threat to the US – radical Islamic terror.

“It’s this constant, ‘Oh, it’s the white man. It’s the white supremacists. That’s the problem.’ No, it isn’t, Maggie Haberman,” Mr Gorka said, referring to the prominent New York Times reporter.

So when what looks like an act of war happens thanks to white supremacists, this fucking guy is like “oh there’s no problems with white supremacists”. Well guess what? If you don’t have a problem with white supremacists, that means you are one! But there’s lots of demands right now to fire him along with Bannon in the wake of this week:


Religious and civil rights leaders called on President Donald Trump to fire White House advisors Steve Bannon and Sebastian Gorka, whose association with the white-supremacist “alt-right” movement have come under heightened scrutiny following Saturday’s violent racial clash in Charlottesville, Va.

“Supporters of white supremacists, violent extremism, racial bigotry and neo-Nazis should not serve in the White House or any level of government,” said Vanita Gupta, president and CEO of The Leadership Conference on Civil and Human Rights, during a telephone press briefing with reporters on Sunday.

Bannon, Trump’s chief strategist, is the former executive chairman of Breitbart News, a right-wing conservative news site that’s a favorite with white nationalists and the so-called “alt-right” movement of anti-semitic and white-power groups, according to the Southern Poverty Law Center. Bannon also served as CEO of Trump’s presidential campaign.

Gorka, a deputy assistant to Trump, has ties to anti-Semitic, right-wing groups in Hungary.

Read more here: http://www.sacbee.com/latest-news/article167025242.html#storylink=cpy

Yeah just let me close my laptop here… OK we’re good! In fact Charlottesville is not the first time this fucking guy has tried to pass off a terrorist attack as a setup. You know there was that bombing at a mosque in Minnesota a few weeks ago? Well, this fucking guy had this to say:

Three days after a bomb exploded at a mosque in suburban Minneapolis, a White House official told MSNBC that he isn't yet convinced the attack was not a "fake hate crime."

President Trump has not issued a statement — via Twitter or the White House press office — since the attack at Dar Al-Farooq Islamic Center took place.

On MSNBC, Sebastian Gorka, a top national security adviser to the president, said the president won't speak out about the bombing until "local authorities provide their assessment." (Minnesota Governor Mark Dayton has called the bombing "a criminal act of terrorism." The local police handed the investigation to the FBI.)

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Really, Gorka? You have to go there and blame “the left” for this? Why don’t you guys take a look in the fucking mirror? If there’s one thing the Trump administration is particularly horrible at, among other things, is analogies. You know like how I compare them to a fly on a horse’s ass. Thank you! Well, here’s what Gorka said when talking about one of the Trump administration’s favorite boogeymen – “radial Islam”!

White House national-security aide Sebastian Gorka offered an unusual analogy to defend Trump's preference for referring to attacks by Islamist extremists as "radical Islamic terrorism" during an interview on MSNBC Tuesday, comparing the debate over terms to medical diagnoses.

MSNBC Live co-host Ali Veshi noted during an interview with Gorka that recent terrorist attacks in the West have had "little or no material or operational" connection to ISIS and cited some who have argued such attacks won't go away even with the demise of that terrorist group.

Asked about the reasoning behind the White House tactic of referring to "radical Islamic terrorism" when describing such attacks, Gorka said it would "jettison the political correctness of the last eight years," referring to the Obama administration's avoidance of that term in such cases.

Really? You have to make the cancer analogy? We could say that about white supremacists – they are a cancer! And they’re spreading like mad! In fact despite that “Dr.” Gorka insists people call him “doctor”, he actually had to be reminded that Rex Tillerson is fourth in line to the presidency!

Update: Gorka is now saying his comments have been misconstrued and that he was merely saying the media shouldn’t ask Tillerson questions about military matters. “I said for reporters to force our chief diplomat — the amazing Rex Tillerson — to give details of military options is nonsensical. He is the secretary of state. ... I was admonishing the journalist of the fake news-industrial complex ... who are demanding that he make the military case for action.”

For those worried that President Trump might get into nuclear war with North Korea, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson provided some solace Wednesday. “Americans should sleep well at night,” Tillerson said, tempering Trump’s promise to unleash “fire and fury” on North Korea if it continued to threaten the United States. Tillerson emphasized that no conflict was imminent.

But now another Trump administration voice is suggesting that we shouldn’t pay Tillerson much mind.

Yeah of course he’ll deny it! That’s part of the “take no responsibility” that this administration is known for! That’s Sebastian Gorka, this week’s:

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[font size="8"]Alex Jones
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #3-15

Damn it, I was hoping just for one week I wouldn’t have to talk about Alex Jones and his stupid show. I mean come on, do I really have to? Shit, OK. We originally were going to talk about Roger Stone here, but this is much crazier. Well, Alex Jones cranked the batshit up way past 11, and while the NFL is doing some major damage control in the wake of all the protests, Alex Jones definitely isn’t helping things. I mean did you know that Colin Kaepernick isn’t a person – he’s a tool of the globalists to intentionally turn white people racist? Neither did I!

Alex Jones, the conspiracy theorist host of Infowars, claimed that Colin Kaepernick and other NFL players who choose to kneel during the national anthem are part of a larger plot by white globalists to make American white people racist.

During yesterday’s episode of “The Alex Jones Show,” Jones criticized Kaepernick’s decision to silently kneel during performances of the “Star Spangled Banner” before NFL games, which Kaepernick did to raise awareness to systematic injustices that African American people face in the U.S. legal system.

Jones slammed the football player for protesting racial injustice despite being adopted by “white saviors” as a child and earning millions of dollars in professional sports before alleging that Kaepernick and the players who have joined him in protest are complicit in a larger conspiracy to make white people racist.

“And of course this is all meant to divide America. It’s social engineering by the globalists to make whites racist,” Jones claimed.

Jones continued, “You know what whites are is lazy, candy-ass, politically correct trash. There’s not much worse in this country than white people, to get to the end of the day. They’re the ones all saying the white people are the devil.”.

We got to keep this operation afloat people! Now it's time to buy my new battle grade Infowars Tactical Helmets! Just $149.99 and they can protect your head from all the leftists you will encounter at your protest rallies! They can be fitted to fit any size head whether you’re a six or a 10. In fact we have experts here to tell you more why you need this! But this isn’t the only crazy thing that happened this week. So you know Jimmy Kimmel has been railing on the GOP in regards to health care. Well, here’s the monologue.

Well, if you saw Alex Jones or the Alex Jones Channel…

Jimmy Kimmel has been going after Sen. Bill Cassidy (R-La.) for a health care plan that is likely to leave millions more people uninsured.

In May, Cassidy appeared on Kimmel’s show after the comedian’s infant son underwent surgery for a preexisting heart condition, and assured the talk show host that any Senate health care legislation would pass what he deemed “the Jimmy Kimmel test.”

That now doesn’t seem to be the case, which is why Kimmel attacked Cassidy this week during his show monologues.

Now, crackpot conspiracy theorist Alex Jones is going after Kimmel.

On Thursday, Jones went on one of his typical unhinged rants, this time to tell the ABC late-night host to stop using his son to “pimp” Obamacare.

I like that one! But would you be surprised at all to see Alex and guy who watches Inglorious Basterds and roots for Hitler, Jack Posobiec, go full racist? And you never go full racist!

ALEX JONES (HOST): You’re supposed to get on your knees at midnight or in the early morning and tell God you repent on things you’ve done. You don’t tell in a football stadium, “Mainstream media: you’re my God, I am bad, tell me what to do.” That is sick.

JACK POSOBIEC: And you realize they’re not taking a knee to Trump, so I’d love to talk to any one of these guys and say, “Who are you taking a knee to? Who specifically do you have in mind when you’re taking that knee?”

JONES: They’re kneeling to political correctness and hating white people.

POSOBIEC: That’s all it is.

JONES: They’re kneeling to white genocide --

POSOBIEC: And they won’t admit it.

JONES: -- and then I don’t want anybody to be genocided (sic). But everywhere it’s: “Kill the whites, kill the whites.” The universities: “No whites can come on campus.” It’s a bunch of weird white people going, “We need to kill all the white people.” Just everywhere. Hillary: “We lost because of white people.” It’s the most racist, weird, anti-Martin Luther King crap I’ve ever heard. Martin Luther King would say, “You people are crazy.”

There you have it. Not only did Alex Jones make up a new word - "genocided", racists are now quoting one of the greatest civil rights leaders of all time. Bravo. Well done. Yeah so Alex Jones and Jack Posobiec both bought the "white genocide" meme and went full on racist. But now the tables are turning on Alex Jones! Mmmmm… Hmmmm… Yes my pretties! You know that old adage “they hate us because they ain’t us”? Alex might want to look that phrase up because his ex wife is a hater:

Keeping up with these Joneses is a contact sport.

Kelly Jones, the long suffering ex-wife of conservative firebrand Alex Jones, is fighting back against the “InfoWars” host with a media campaign of her own.

At 3 p.m. on Wednesday, Kelly plans to launch her new website alexjonesx.com, which will detail her ongoing custody battle with the blustering conspiracy theorist.

“I’m going to point out all of his horrible outrageous behavior, but I’m not out to disparage the man,” she tells us. “He is the father of my children. I’m standing up to the bully.”

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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From: [link: https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029876258 | Idiots #3-23]

You know what time it is? It’s time for this!

Yes – by now you should know that people are people, and people are dumb. And who’s stupid this week? Why it’s idiots with guns! And when a gun accidentally goes off, can you be surprised at all that there’s no good guys with guns to stop the shootings from happening? Well, we go to the Volunteer State, Tennessee for this insane story.

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — A man accidentally shot himself and his wife at an east Tennessee church on Thursday while he was showing off his gun during a discussion on recent church shootings, police said.

A man in his 80s pulled out a .380 caliber Ruger handgun and said, "I carry my handgun everywhere," according to Parks.

He removed the magazine, cleared the chamber, and showed the gun to some of the men in the church. He put the magazine back in, apparently loaded a round in the chamber, and returned the gun to its holster, Parks said.

"Evidently he just forgot that he re-chambered the weapon," Parks said.


Next in People Are Dumb – the movie Borat. Yeah it’s been 10 years since that movie was in the theaters, and frat boy idiots and comedians like me *STILL* quote that movie. But if you ever actually go to Kazakhstan, maybe don’t do this! I hear they hate that movie in Kazakhstan.

(PRAGUE) — Six Czech tourists who dressed up in skimpy swimsuits made famous by Sacha Baron Cohen’s “Borat” have reportedly been detained by authorities in Kazakhstan’s capital Astana.

Sporting lime green “mankinis” and black wigs, the men had hoped to take a picture in front of the “I Love Astana” sign.

But local police took action, detaining them on Friday and fining them 22,500 tenge ($68) each for committing minor hooliganism, according to the Kazakh news website informburo.kz.

Next up in People Are Dumb – idiots with guns! And there’s a lot of idiots with guns out there. Hey, I know what country I live in! Well, specifically – this is idiots with guns in church!

TELLICO PLAINS, Tenn. — An 81-year-old man who accidentally shot his wife and himself at church while showing off his gun won't face charges or lose his carry permit, police said Friday.

Wayne Reid shot himself in the hand and his 80-year-old wife, Kathy, through the abdomen around 1 p.m. ET Thursday while showing off his Ruger pistol to a fellow parishioner at First United Methodist Church.

"As far as I know, he'll get to keep it," police Chief Russ Parks said of the firearm. "No one who was in the church is wishing to press charges, and we in the police department think they've suffered enough."

Tellico Plains is a community of fewer than 1,000 residents on the edge of the Smoky Mountains about 50 miles southwest of Knoxville, Tenn.


Next up – we go to Sweden for this one. And what do you think of when you think of Sweden? I know – Swedish meatballs! Man, I love a good plate of Swedish meatballs!

Swedish meatballs are always a welcome sight on the dinner table, but less so when 20 tonnes of them block the road in front of you.

This is the spectacle that faced unwary drivers on 15 November along the Skara-Lundsbrunn road in southwest Sweden, when icy evening conditions meant that the trailer of a lorry skidded into a ditch, taking the meatball mountain with it, Skara Lans Tidning reports.

The lorry itself remained on the road, but all the meatballs needed to be first offloaded onto the carriageway before the trailer could be hauled out of the ditch.

"The trailer was heavier than the lorry itself, and it is very slippery out there," police officer Tommy Emriksson told Swedish TV.


Bork! Bork! Bork! Ah, I love the Swedish chef! Next up in People Are Dumb, we go to Utah, where this man is trying to get the name of a local high school’s mascot changed because of a truly bizarre reason!

The mythical namesake of Arizona's capital and biggest city has appeared in countless pieces of literature, on flags and in even comic books, but one Utah parent is concerned that the phoenix should not be the mascot of a new high school in his town.

Farmington High School is set to open in 2018. Kyle Fraughton, of Farmington, doesn't think phoenix should be the school's mascot because the word sounds similar to "penises" when pluralized.

Chris Williams, a district spokesman, said administrators remain confident students will mirror the reputation of the mascot.

"We don’t see anything about the plural version of phoenix having anything to do what’s going to be happening at the school or on the football field," he told Salt Lake City's Fox 13. "We think students are going to rise to the occasion."

Next up in People Are Dumb – I can kind of see why conservatives make fun of liberals for needing safe spaces, and this one really doesn’t help. Is Steve Martin’s classic SNL bit about King Tut really *THAT* offensive? Well…

Steve Martin’s seminal “King Tut” sketch is being blasted as cultural appropriation by a group of students at a prestigious liberal arts college in Oregon after the classic "Saturday Night Live" parody was played in a humanities course.

The sketch, created by Martin in 1978 to parody the hysteria and commercialization surrounding a traveling Tutankhamun exhibit, has outraged students who say the sketch is the cultural equivalent of blackface because one of the side actors emerged from a sarcophagus with his face painted gold.

"That’s like somebody … making a song just littered with the n-word everywhere,” a member of the group, Reedies Against Racism, told The Atlantic. “The gold face of the saxophone dancer leaving its tomb is an exhibition of blackface.”

Students first took issue with the video when it was played during a humanities course, which is designed for students to “to engage in original, open-ended, critical inquiry.” Students said they should not be forced to take the course until different coursework is given because the sketch is racist.

Yeah fucking seriously. I love Steve Martin, I’ve seen him perform this song live. And you know what? I wasn’t offended! Yeah don’t get offended people! Finally for People Are Dumb this week, psychopaths. Yes, psychopaths are a thing. Can you guess which musician is most popular with your average psychopath? Bet you didn’t think it was gonna be him did you!

A new study has found that psychopaths are more likely to enjoy the music of Justin Bieber.

The Washington Post reports of a recent study conducted by Pascal Wallisch, Psychology professor at New York University, and Nicole Leal, a recent NYU graduate.

The study tried to determine a correlation between music taste and psychopathy, with more than 190 NYU psychology students asked to rate their own level of psychopathy and then to rate tracks they were played.

Songs found to be more popular with those deemed more likely to be psychopaths included Bieber’s ‘What Do You Mean’, Eminem‘s ‘Lose Yourself’ and ‘No Diggity’ by Blackstreet.

Read more at http://www.nme.com/news/music/psychopaths-like-justin-bieber-2159358#GmxpW2e2QzAfg9Lv.99

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[font size="8"]World Tour Destination #19: China
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #3-19

Part of our mission statement here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots is to show you that conservative idiocy isn’t just a problem with America. No, it’s a global problem that is stemming far and wide, and it’s not just America where conservative idiots ruin everything they touch. And if you’re thinking of moving out of the United States just because Donald J. Trump is our current president and our nation is turning to shit, you should know what it is you’re getting into should you decide that you want to leave the country. So if you want a recap of where we’ve been so far, in the last few weeks we’ve discovered that my home state of California has a Russia problem, Japan has a nuclear problem, and South Korea just might go nuclear. Literally. Here’s the tour schedule:

[font size="6"]China[/font]

Welcome to China everybody! China is a land of many wonders. It’s the home to one of the original man made wonders of the world – the Great Wall Of China! As seen in the recent Matt Damon movie “The Great Wall”:

Because nothing says a movie about ancient China like Matt Damon! China is also the home of Tiananmen Square – where a Chinese student famously stood up against General Mao’s tanks leading to that iconic image that is known around the world. China is also the home to Hong Kong – which famously was a British territory until 1997 when it was annexed by China and became part of the mainland. China is also home to Asia’s gambling mecca of Macau – famously seen in the 2012 James Bond flick Skyfall. That movie also managed to make the Chinese city of Shanghai look absolutely amazing. Think of it like Las Vegas – where half the city is dominated by giant, towering casinos and the rest is dominated by ancient culture – something Las Vegas really doesn’t have much of. There’s also one of the most populated cities in the world – Shanghai that was recently the host of the 2008 summer games. But what else is China the home of? Well it’s the home of crazy dictator Xi Jinping for one thing – a guy so insane he’s about to get his own 14 point political theory!

It will be known as "Xi Jinping Thought" and has 14 principles, the agency says.

The theory is likely to be incorporated into the constitution of the ruling Communist Party, which would strengthen Xi Jinping's position at the top.

He would be the first leader to lend his name to a political theory since Deng Xiaoping, who retired in 1989.

The only other leader to do so was Mao Zedong.

Xinhua says the Communist Party of China has created "Xi Jinping Thought on Socialism with Chinese Characteristics for a New Era".

Yeah because we all know what a sane, rational leader Mao Zedong was! Such a beacon, a shining example of humanity! Yeah, and I’m Elvis Presley! Well at least the deep fried peanut butter, banana and bacon Elvis Presley. Even the least diplomatic diplomat the US ever cooked up – Rex Tillerson, has had enough of his madness:

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson signaled the Trump administration’s growing impatience with China on issues from North Korea to trade, saying now’s the time to go public with concerns that the U.S. has raised privately with the country’s leaders for months.

In an interview at the State Department in Washington, Tillerson said Thursday that the U.S. isn’t necessarily frustrated with China but made clear the administration wants more progress.

“I think it is important that China knows -- OK, we’ve been having these conversations now for about six months,” Tillerson said. “We’re expecting to see some change, we’re expecting to see some movement, whether it’s North Korea, or whether it’s South China Sea, or whether it’s trade.”

Tillerson’s remarks follow a speech he gave Wednesday in which he accused China of undermining the “international, rules-based order” and called it out for “provocative actions in the South China Sea.” He visited China earlier this month and is likely to accompany President Donald Trump on an early November trip through Asia, including a stop in Beijing.

And you know what else China’s the home of? It’s the home of Foxconn – an electronics conglomerate that pretty much manufacturers anything you use that has an on / off switch. In fact I’d be willing to bet good money that the device you’re viewing this on right now was made by Foxconn! And we all know how Foxconn treats its’ low level employees. But what about its’ middle managers?

Hundreds of workers streamed through dark streets, blocking an entrance to an Apple iPhone supplier's factory in eastern China to protest unpaid bonuses and factory reassignments, two witnesses and China Labor Watch, a New York based non-profit group, said Thursday.

The protest Wednesday night at Jabil Inc.'s Green Point factory in Wuxi city prompted Apple to launch an investigation and vow to redress the payment discrepancies. "We are requiring Jabil to send a comprehensive employee survey to ascertain where gaps exist in payment and they must create an action plan that ensures all employees are paid for the promised bonus immediately," Apple said Thursday in an email to China Labor Watch.

The incident highlights the complexity of overseeing global supply chains that can involve hundreds of manufacturers and subcontractors, as well as third-party labor brokers — and their subcontractors — that are tasked with recruiting workers for those factories. Companies differ in the amount of responsibility they are willing to take on. Apple stepped up oversight and disclosure following a spate of negative reports about worker suicides and injuries at suppliers.

Yes holy shit indeed! You know what else China’s the home of? It’s the home of the International Space Station’s far more jankey brother – the Chinese Space Lab! You might have seen this space station in the recent Sandra Bullock space disaster flick “Gravity”. And when it comes crashing to earth in the forthcoming months – it could potentially kill a lot of us and damage a lot of property!

A defunct, yacht-sized Chinese space lab is expected to fall out of orbit and crash to Earth in the coming months.

China launched the eight-tonne Tiangong-1 satellite in 2011. Tiangong means "Heavenly Palace" in Chinese. The satellite, which is 12 metres long and 3.3 metres in diameter, was designed to test technology for a future space station. The Chinese space program used it for a series of spacecraft docking tests and visits from astronauts.

The space lab broke down and stopped functioning in March 2016. That means China's space agency no longer has control of it.

Chinese officials told the UN secretary general in May 2017 that Tiangong-1 was expected to re-enter Earth's atmosphere between October 2017 and April 2018.

I mean seriously – how do you explain that to Geico, Nationwide, or whatever you use for homeowner’s insurance? “Yeah there’s a piece of a fucking space station in my roof!”. China is also the home of one of the world’s most controversial human rights policies – the “one child” policy:

A new study of China’s one-child policy is roiling demography, sparking calls for the field’s leading journal to withdraw the paper. The controversy has ignited a debate over scholarly values in a discipline that some say often prioritizes reducing population growth above all else.

Chinese officials have long claimed that the one-child policy—in place from 1980 to 2016—averted some 400 million births, which they say aided global environmental efforts. Scholars, in turn, have contested that number as flawed. But in a paper published in the journal Demography in August, Daniel Goodkind—an analyst at the U.S. Census Bureau in Suitland, Maryland, who published as an independent researcher—argues that the figure may, in fact, have merit.

By extrapolating from countries that experienced more moderate fertility decline, Goodkind contends that birth-planning policies implemented after 1970 avoided adding between 360 million and 520 million people to China’s population. Because the momentum from that decline will continue into later generations, he suggests, the total avoided population could approach 1 billion by 2060. Some scholars worry such estimates could be used to justify, ex post facto, the policy’s existence, and feel that Goodkind’s criticisms of previous work fall outside the bounds of scholarly decorum.

Yeah I’m not touching that one with a 10 foot pole. Is there anything good we can say about China or are they going to be like South Korea last week where the news got so dark we actually had to switch subjects? Well some good news is that they made your average die-hard Apple fanatic slightly less annoying by killing one of the Apple Watch’s key features:

The single wireless carrier supporting Apple's latest Apple Watch in China has ceased offering service for the device, the Wall Street Journal reported on Thursday.

China Unicom, one of three state-owned wireless carriers, initially offered cellular service for the Apple Watch Series 3 with LTE, but stopped supporting it on September 28, according to the report.

In the United States, the LTE Apple Watch is supported by all four major carriers for an additional charge of $10 per month. LTE service is the primary new feature on this year's Apple Watch model.

[font size="6"]The Verdict & Scorecard[/font]

China is an interesting country. I hear it’s real difficult for tourists to get a tourist visa. If you’re thinking about moving here… I would say don’t.

Tourism: B
Culture: A
Political Spectrum: F
Liberal Appeal: D

Overall: D

[font size="6"]Next Week[/font]

We’re going to the land of Manila and the home of Donald Trump’s BFF Rodrigo Dutuerte as we visit the Philippenes! Man Asia isn’t nearly as fun as Europe or South America were!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Macklemore[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen my next guest will most likely get banned in China for this next song. His new album is called “Gemini” and it is quite excellent. Playing his new song “Willy Wonka”, give it up for my man Macklemore!

See you next week! If we still live through this week that is!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Flappers Comedy Club, Burbank, CA
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