October 28, 2017

Americans Deeply Divided Over Who They Want to See Go to Prison First

https://www.facebook.com/andyborowitz/posts/10156229066475681

October 28, 2017

Excited Crowd Outside Muellers Office Awaits First Arrest

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A crowd estimated in the hundreds of thousands has gathered outside the office of Robert Mueller in eager anticipation of the special counsel’s first arrest in the Russia probe.
Minutes after news was leaked that charges had been filed, Americans from across the country descended on Mueller’s office to witness firsthand what many called the beginning of the end of the nightmare.

“I can’t believe this day has finally come,” Carol Foyler, who drove from North Carolina, said. “My husband is having surgery today, but I didn’t want to miss this.”
Although the gathering has been largely peaceful, isolated arguments have erupted over which member of Trump’s circle the attendees would like Mueller to arrest first.

A faction shouting “Don, Jr.” started pushing and shoving another group chanting “Jared” before police intervened.


https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/excited-crowd-outside-muellers-office-awaits-first-arrest

October 8, 2017

Report: Majority Of Money Donated At Church Doesn't Make It To God

WASHINGTON—A shocking report released Monday by the Internal Revenue Service revealed that more than 65 percent of the money donated at churches across the world never reaches God. "Unfortunately, almost half of all collections go toward administrative expenses such as management, utilities, and clerical costs," said Virginia Raeburn, a spokesperson for the Lord Almighty, adding that another 25 percent of heavenly funding is needed just to cover payroll for the angelic hierarchy. "People always assume God is filthy rich, but they'd be surprised to learn His net worth is only around $8 million—and most of that is tied up in real estate." According to Raeburn, God currently has enough money saved to live comfortably throughout all eternity, but He may be forced to shutter a number of† under-performing religions.


http://www.theonion.com/article/report-majority-of-money-donated-at-church-doesnt--18765?utm_content=Main&utm_campaign=SF&utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing

Thought we could use a laugh.

October 4, 2017

Chris Rock on Gun Control

With all the horror is the world humor keeps us sane. I think Chris Rock had the right idea about guns.

October 3, 2017

Americans Opposed to Being Shot Seek Representation in Washington

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – Americans who are opposed to being shot, a constituency that has historically failed to find representation in Washington, are making a new effort to make its controversial ideas heard in the nation’s capital.

“When you bring up the idea of not wanting to be shot with members of Congress, there’s always been pushback,” Carol Foyler, founder of the lobbying group Americans Opposed to Being Shot, said. “Their reaction has been, basically, ‘Not being shot: who’s going to
support something like that?’”

Foyler, however, believes that the right to not be shot, much like women’s right to vote, the right to same-sex marriage, and other rights that were deemed controversial in their day, may be an idea whose time has finally come.

“For years, we’ve been talking about the right to not be shot and people have been looking at us like we’re out of our minds,” she said.

“But recent polls show that a vast majority of Americans, in fact, do not want to be shot.”


https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/americans-opposed-to-being-shot-seek-representation-in-washington

October 2, 2017

Jim Jefferies -- Gun Control (Part 1) from BARE -- Netflix Special

Part 2 can be found on YouTube.


It is sad when it takes a Aussie comedian to tell the truth about guns.

October 2, 2017

Thoughts & Prayers App Commercial

This video seems to be relevant very often.