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I_UndergroundPanther

Profile Information

Gender: Do not display
Hometown: Maryland
Home country: United States
Member since: Tue Jan 10, 2017, 12:27 AM
Number of posts: 11,125

About Me

I was on DU for years as Underground Panther. I am 54,a non binary,demi asexual,transgendered person with a feline soul. I am a Satanist chaorder, ceremoniaI sorcerer. I despise republicans and thier"beliefs"and the crap they call a political platform. They are scumbags. I love cats I do many kinds of art,love history philosophy,magick, among many other things. I love to explore the unknown. I have a sweet black and white cat named Othello. I am Very glad to be back on DU.

Journal Archives

I want to go.

I have spent day after day alone.
The future looks so scary to me. I feel so powerless
Everybody has someone they can be with,talk to,share the journey. I dont anymore. Im just here waiting for nothing.
Breathing cleaning my apartment. For no reason.

Chance and accidents have left me empty. I have nowhere to go. No reason to go. The loneliness is slowly killing me. I tell myself it will get better and it feels like I'm lying to myself.

Life tortures life.

I am old. I am alone most days almost all of them.
I wish I was in another place,where I could escape,go somwhere different,make new friends.

Its all out of reach.
Nobody socializes in this town this complex. I reach out but no freindship occurs.

I need someone to hold me and tell me its all worthwhile.

Posted by I_UndergroundPanther | Wed Feb 23, 2022, 10:08 PM (31 replies)

I put my cat's name

Through an anagram generator..Othello.

Hell too..
Ooh tell..

https://ingesanagram.com/
Posted by I_UndergroundPanther | Wed Feb 23, 2022, 12:35 AM (1 replies)

I miss my old therapist

Laurie. She was so kind to me,helped so much.
The therapist I have now doesnt know how to treat trauma. All she does is give me new age religion.

I dunno if it has dawned on her Im not the believer type and positivity think has no bearing on reality no matter how much you tell yourself it does. Abd karma is just more religion.

I feel like shes scared of the darkness inside me,scared I dont believe,scared of my anger and scared I can feel hate.

She avoids these topics.

Laurie helped and accepted it as part of my past I needed to work through. Laurie said the first time I met her that she accepts my anger and I burst into tears in the damn hallway. Laurie didnt push CBT down my throat as if its a cure all. For me CBT it feels like manipulation,denial and it makes me angry and unable to trust my current therapist.

I asked my current therapist to help me find a trauma therapist
She was useless.she says its better to just move on from the past. I never heard something so stupid in my life.

I have PTSD and dissociative identity how in the hell is denial gonna help??!!

I'm about to tell her to listen to me,if she cant listen,to even the darkness well I'll have to seek out a therapist.

And I will tell her how incompetent she really is before I go. And back it up with actual psychology.
Posted by I_UndergroundPanther | Tue Feb 22, 2022, 11:22 PM (5 replies)

I just heard on my local news

Baltimore channel 13

That the jan.6th commission is not going to persue the investigation regarding the documents case regarding tfg..

It was a quick one sentance statement.

What the fuck!!!
Posted by I_UndergroundPanther | Tue Feb 22, 2022, 05:43 PM (9 replies)

I have decided

To wean Othello off wet food. I cant afford to try and try different foods every few days.

I know he likes his kibble a mix of fancy feast with garden greens,the filet mignon one and purina one sensitive stomach.

He never barfs from the kibble. He likes it and its not got me switching foods every 3 seconds.

So when I get the new cat that kitty will be a kibble cat too.

Rustle,Sparkle Bear and Vinny all ate kibble they all lived to become really old. No health issues except for Rustle he got cancer when he was 14.

Plus the flavor guessing game with Othello is getting really old and causing my anxiety to get worse . I hate throwing out perfectly good wet food. Donating what's leftover after the weaning to the local shelter. Done with this shit.
Posted by I_UndergroundPanther | Tue Feb 22, 2022, 04:17 PM (8 replies)

A disturbing thought.

When pootin declared his kill list, he said he wanted to kill people who are part of minority religions,anti putin activists, leaders that oppose him, and GLBT people.

Who's on the fascist magats fantasy kill list..?

Minority religions,Democrats,
liberals,Biden,various Democratic government people,and GLBT people.

Funny thier list of who they'd destroy is the same as pootins? Fancy that.

Posted by I_UndergroundPanther | Tue Feb 22, 2022, 12:13 AM (4 replies)

A Democratic ad idea

Inspired by Captain Truth's post.


Select D to go forward or select R to go backwards

This should be a Democratic
Campaign slogan.

Here is an ad idea:

Show a hand on a car shift move it to a red R show the driver looking backwards and the car moving backwards, show scenes from now like how much good America has to the past,slow down and like an old newsreel show the nazi marches from the 30's and the racist strange fruit on the trees. show women from the depression barefoot with dirty feet too many kids living in a hovel show the ugly pastas it was,no filters,show a belligerant racist screaming.

Make it viscerally repulsive as possible.

Then show the shift knob being put in drive. Show a big blue D show a visibly shaken driver turn
around forward and the car moving forward.


Whizz
past the depression ,past the children working in coal mines,move to more prosperous times slow down the images ,dem presidents superimposed with prosperity a home etc.with the speech about the new deal going in the background then show the progress and how life got better as America became more Democratic over time.

Ask
Which way do you want to go?

Go forward vote Democratic.
Posted by I_UndergroundPanther | Mon Feb 21, 2022, 11:59 PM (1 replies)

How do you turn smileys back on?

Posted by I_UndergroundPanther | Mon Feb 21, 2022, 09:34 PM (4 replies)

Anyone up for Corona haiku?


Sitting in my house
Avoiding covid 19
Cat sneezed on me,eewww.
Posted by I_UndergroundPanther | Thu Apr 2, 2020, 06:56 PM (8 replies)

Why I sometimes don't "play nice"

I am human and humans are a mix of good and bad.

I get angry sometimes.I express it in my own way, I have no desire to pretend what I feel is wrong.

I have spent many years tolerating the intolerable.
Biting my tounge and denying and stuffing away my emotions and thoughts that were not nice.

There is a purpose to anger ,sarcasm and the things that offend some people.

I think karma is horseshit.
It's definitely dis-empowering.

And I have no desire to be a saint.
Most people are not saints.

Yes I am happy when a repug dies.
This is because I hate fascism,I hate narcissists authoritarians and sociopaths. I think they are dangerous to others and to life itself. I have been very traumatized by the sort of monsters in christinazi churches and the republican party.

I cannot love what cannot be shamed and seeks my destruction.

I will not waste my empathy on people who have none.

I feel happy when a evil person with ice water in their veins ,and they really do exist,dies or is incapacitated. That way the harm they do is negated,finally.

The request to be nice take the high road ,has led to a sort of solipsism about people that does not mesh with how people really are. It can cause harm.

Sometimes you need to say what you say. Sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes it's cathartic.
One person's negative words can be healing and cathartic even if they are not nice twords a person.
No one has a right to tell me how I should feel or think.

I do not play nice with people who seek my or my allies ruin.
Playing nice caused how many republican administration's where our rights,democracy,this country was harmed and plundered?
So sometimes,it's ok to not be nice.

I do not share the belief in karma or that there is some metaphysical punishment for not being nice.

I treat others as they treat me.

I extend my hand in friendship if you bite my hand, I am under no obligation to not punch you for biting me .
Posted by I_UndergroundPanther | Thu Apr 2, 2020, 06:25 PM (7 replies)
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