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lapislzi

(5,762 posts)

81. Believe it or not, I do get this.

Fri Mar 15, 2013, 01:15 PM

Mar 2013

It is a point of contention between me and a friend who also considers herself a feminist. We have to agree to disagree. She is aware of the benevolent sexism evident in many apparently benign behaviors, but she chooses to allow herself to accept the mild flattery. The same behaviors make me uncomfortable, but I know there's not much I can do to change them.

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Things I've learned on DU - Part 1 - It is 'SEXIST' to hold a door open for a women [View all] Fix The Stupid Mar 2013 OP

You can "learn" a lot of things at DU that just aren't so. Buzz Clik Mar 2013 #1

Nonsense. It is never sexist to assist someone MineralMan Mar 2013 #2

if you do it for everyone, or randomly, then it's not sexist unblock Mar 2013 #21

Yes. I think I said that in my post. nt MineralMan Mar 2013 #22

Wait a second. lapislzi Mar 2013 #3

This message was self-deleted by its author ChisolmTrailDem Mar 2013 #12

Thats absurd. Fix The Stupid Mar 2013 #24

So it's not just women? lapislzi Mar 2013 #48

He's not the only DUer who thinks the labelling of opening doors for women kestrel91316 Mar 2013 #67

Believe it or not, I do get this. lapislzi Mar 2013 #81

you might actually learn what benevolent sexism is and understand the concept, and why it is harmful seabeyond Mar 2013 #4

Oh but it is ever so much more fun to get defensive and kneejerkingly throw out redqueen Mar 2013 #10

yup. and it take little to no work. certainly no thinking involved. lol. so much easier. nt seabeyond Mar 2013 #16

I would go out of my way to make the door close on your face. Ian David Mar 2013 #14

wow. ok. whatever. nothing like a little hostility going on because someone suggests seabeyond Mar 2013 #17

+100 lumberjack_jeff Mar 2013 #32

This is funny. Men, once again, not voting their best interests galileoreloaded Mar 2013 #79

You are not being clear. redqueen Mar 2013 #5

You won't last long here if that sort of thing gets you all upset. nt bemildred Mar 2013 #6

why not dispute whether or not it's a bad thing. but it's obviously, definitionally, "sexism". unblock Mar 2013 #7

Settle down. You didn't learn this. You heard the opinion of some people, that's all. HERVEPA Mar 2013 #8

Good point. Thanks n/t Fix The Stupid Mar 2013 #26

Sometimes opening a door for someone not disabled... fadedrose Mar 2013 #33

If the worst thing that happens to you today is getting called sexist for holding a door Recursion Mar 2013 #9

lol. Yep, put it that way, good point. thanks n/t Fix The Stupid Mar 2013 #28

As a woman I don't consider that sexist newfie11 Mar 2013 #11

So is Benevolent Sexism the theme for today? Gidney N Cloyd Mar 2013 #13

You said the secret word! theKed Mar 2013 #25

Holy crap that picture is suggestive. nt Bicoastal Mar 2013 #41

I've made it half a century without "benevolent sexism"... WorseBeforeBetter Mar 2013 #51

I held the door open for a dude with his arms full arriving at my office today. onehandle Mar 2013 #15

You are NOT a sexist leftynyc Mar 2013 #18

There are positive sexism and negative sexism snooper2 Mar 2013 #19

Oh for God's sake gollygee Mar 2013 #20

Not calling anyone an "outrage troll" Fix The Stupid Mar 2013 #40

Oh, come now. lapislzi Mar 2013 #52

My life lesson at 13 was sorefeet Mar 2013 #93

important to keep in mind though hfojvt Mar 2013 #55

It's been over 100 years now gollygee Mar 2013 #68

Are you sure that things have changed in that regard? hfojvt Mar 2013 #82

I remember reading about studies of fatal disasters, that men most often trampled kids and women bettyellen Mar 2013 #91

In disasters, there is likely all sorts of behavior treestar Mar 2013 #62

Well I certainly hope boats have enough lifeboats on them now gollygee Mar 2013 #69

Well, I made the mistake of reading that thread... TreasonousBastard Mar 2013 #23

This message was self-deleted by its author Apophis Mar 2013 #27

I'm 74 and like having the door opened fadedrose Mar 2013 #29

Please keep it up malaise Mar 2013 #30

you are employed as a tech. part of job climbing under desk to hook up. fellow employee seabeyond Mar 2013 #44

Argh! You have no idea, seabeyond! lapislzi Mar 2013 #65

. stevenleser Mar 2013 #31

Holding a door open for someone is polite, not sexist. AndyA Mar 2013 #34

You were doing just fine. Then you posted this. Xipe Totec Mar 2013 #35

I'm not whining about it. I resent being labeled a 'benevolent sexist'. n/t Fix The Stupid Mar 2013 #43

whine (n): A peevish complaint, esp one repeated. nt Xipe Totec Mar 2013 #50

peevish (adj): Easily irritated, esp. by unimportant things. demwing Mar 2013 #59

Rule #1 of the Internet: If someone does not say they're talking geek tragedy Mar 2013 #54

Make up your mind about your own behavior. lapislzi Mar 2013 #77

I appreciate it when someone holds the door for me. lumberjack_jeff Mar 2013 #36

It's not sexist..least not in my opinion. Upton Mar 2013 #37

Helping a little old lady shovel her snow is admirable and not geek tragedy Mar 2013 #38

I don't consider it sexist liberal_at_heart Mar 2013 #39

there is a fine line between civility and sexism....my take is this magical thyme Mar 2013 #42

It's interesting gvstn Mar 2013 #45

My aunts taught me that in the 70's bhikkhu Mar 2013 #46

Don't help them if they don't need it treestar Mar 2013 #47

What do you think of the phrase "cooking meals for men"? lumberjack_jeff Mar 2013 #49

Where/when is that prase used? Whats that mean? Fix The Stupid Mar 2013 #56

I hold the door for anyone, but I let women enter and exit the elevator first whatchamacallit Mar 2013 #53

Chivalry and equality are incompatible. n/t lumberjack_jeff Mar 2013 #66

Apparently so n/t whatchamacallit Mar 2013 #88

Ironically, the posters who complain about those sufrommich Mar 2013 #57

really? You learned that from the linked thread? cali Mar 2013 #58

Do you think it is "benevolent sexism"? Fix The Stupid Mar 2013 #70

Not passive aggressive. straight out contemptuous of your passive aggressive post. cali Mar 2013 #73

Stay classy :) Fix The Stupid Mar 2013 #80

I'm a woman... ljm2002 Mar 2013 #60

you've also learned to stir shit that has already been stirred, sir. backtoblue Mar 2013 #61

I'll pm you next time to ask your permission. Thanks n/t Fix The Stupid Mar 2013 #71

It would be easier on me if everyone would do that! backtoblue Mar 2013 #75

Is this Du'er 'shit-stirring" too? Fix The Stupid Mar 2013 #72

Open the door for both men and women and children you will hear a lot of "thank you".. Tikki Mar 2013 #63

IMO, as long as you walk through the door when a woman holds it open for you, woodsprite Mar 2013 #64

Things I learned on DU... SomethingFishy Mar 2013 #74

Reading is fundamental, Fix The Stupid. nt. NCTraveler Mar 2013 #76

Epic! Bok_Tukalo Mar 2013 #78

Please don't make us wait long for part II. Thanks. nt. NCTraveler Mar 2013 #83

Lately, I have been toying with the idea that most people are reasonable, ZombieHorde Mar 2013 #84

LOL! lumberjack_jeff Mar 2013 #89

"Sexist" is just another term that means different things to different people. dawg Mar 2013 #85

I hold doors open for women and I'm a woman. Cleita Mar 2013 #86

I'll hold the door open for anyone ismnotwasm Mar 2013 #87

THAT'S what you learned on DU? And THAT'S what you took from the thread you referenced? Squinch Mar 2013 #90

D'oh! I am a woman who is a 'benevolent sexist'! In_The_Wind Mar 2013 #92

it might just be me unreadierLizard Mar 2013 #94

Message auto-removed Homerj1 Mar 2013 #95

I love those who feign victim to being unfairly labeled a sexist... Oilwellian Mar 2013 #96

I'm usually not on DU on the weekends. NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #97