Study: Americans Safe from Gun Violence Except in Schools, Malls, Airports, Movie Theatres, Workplac

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http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/11/study-americans-safe-from-gun-violence-except-in-schools-malls-airports-movie-theatres-workplaces-st.html



Study: Americans Safe from Gun Violence Except in Schools, Malls, Airports, Movie Theatres, Workplaces, Streets, Own Homes
Posted by Andy Borowitz
November 6, 2013

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A new study released today indicates that Americans are safe from the threat of gun violence except in schools, malls, airports, movie theatres, workplaces, streets, and their own homes.

Also: highways, turnpikes, libraries, places of worship, parks, universities, restaurants, post offices, and cars.

Plus: driveways, garages, gyms, stores, military bases—and a host of other buildings, structures, and sites.

National Rifle Association C.E.O. Wayne LaPierre applauded the study, saying that it reinforced his organization’s long-held position that the United States does not need additional gun laws. “This study makes it abundantly clear that Americans are in no danger of gun violence except in these isolated four hundred and thirteen places,” he said.