General Discussion

hunter

(40,365 posts)

59. As a parent, one owns up to the good and the bad, and it can't be about money.

Tue Mar 4, 2014, 11:45 PM

Mar 2014

We parents muddle through.

My mom had a slight tendency to manipulate with money but she's long past that now. I could still crash at my parent's house, crashing and burning, even exploding, if it ever comes to that.

My own kids are delightful. Second kid, as a teen, instigated a couple of late night calls from the police to pick up and sign off on but now is on way to graduate from college. First kid is well launched into the world, independent, with Significant Other, and very well on own.

I've one worrisome nephew in family but he may yet pull out of it. His great grandpa and a few other direct ancestors escaped equally bad situations.

My favorite ancestor-in-a-bad-place escaped European poverty and conflict as a mail order bride to Salt Lake City. She didn't much like sharing a husband so she ran off with a U.S. Government surveyor.

I think I'm on some Mormon blacklist for that.

Wild West Jewish and Catholic refugees who no longer wanted to play. That's how they became Wild West, by recognizing the "OH, SHIT, RUN!!!" moments.

Life happens.

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NJ teen loses first legal battle to make parents pay for education [View all] Logical Mar 2014 OP

After reading the whole article, she sounds like a spoiled brat that wants Lil Missy Mar 2014 #1

She doesn't want her cake. Dr. Strange Mar 2014 #9

This is why we need tort reform. Orrex Mar 2014 #25

I assume you mean tart reform. Dr. Strange Mar 2014 #31

The situation has many layers, yes. Orrex Mar 2014 #32

I suspect that when this is over... Dr. Strange Mar 2014 #65

TV story mentioned an Eating Disorder may be in play seleff Mar 2014 #71

My first thought too was that there's more background than curfew and boyfriend issues riderinthestorm Mar 2014 #80

And the article is wrong, they were asking for $654 a week snooper2 Mar 2014 #110

Jeez, that's more than my net pay per week. tammywammy Mar 2014 #116

If they really are telling her she can come home and that the college money is still there for her, NYC Liberal Mar 2014 #2

I don't agree with that. proudretiredvet Mar 2014 #82

In NJ emancipation is only determined in court if necessary. LiberalFighter Mar 2014 #178

I don't understand how sueing to pay for school was even rational... aikoaiko Mar 2014 #3

The school has never wanted to TorchTheWitch Mar 2014 #7

The only thing that's "telling us" ... surrealAmerican Mar 2014 #94

Good TorchTheWitch Mar 2014 #4

I'm conflicted on this one. Xipe Totec Mar 2014 #5

I am more in the mode that at 18 she is an adult. She can follow the rule or get out. n-t Logical Mar 2014 #11

Same goes for the spouse... nt Xipe Totec Mar 2014 #22

It's not the same situation Major Nikon Mar 2014 #73

All you say is true by law. Because we made it so. And we can make it be some other way by law. nt Xipe Totec Mar 2014 #86

As is the case with any ethical responsibility Major Nikon Mar 2014 #142

restorative alimony??? proudretiredvet Mar 2014 #84

Please tell this indentured servant all about it. Xipe Totec Mar 2014 #87

I think why she left is important Dorian Gray Mar 2014 #91

CPS was called and they looked into her allegations, smokey775 Mar 2014 #135

Then she should go back home. DebJ Mar 2014 #118

If she wants to be independent she can get a job like so many her age are doing sabrina 1 Mar 2014 #121

"if the parents aren't there for the kid then the burden will fall on the tax payers" WHY? demwing Mar 2014 #122

'In New Jersey, emancipation is not contingent on becoming a legal adult at age 18 elleng Mar 2014 #6

That is beyond appalling. avebury Mar 2014 #28

The High School could sue the parents HockeyMom Mar 2014 #102

And I do think that they should pay the high school bill. nt avebury Mar 2014 #128

According to the court documents (Linked below) tammywammy Mar 2014 #138

It is probably too late to enroll in Public School HockeyMom Mar 2014 #140

Now probably. tammywammy Mar 2014 #143

Good. At least she can gradaute high school HockeyMom Mar 2014 #145

After reading the parents responses to the lawsuit tammywammy Mar 2014 #147

Read what I did at 17 HockeyMom Mar 2014 #150

You paid your parents rent which is completely different than here. tammywammy Mar 2014 #161

And from the court docs Rachel is in no way, shape or form "independent" like Hockeymom riderinthestorm Mar 2014 #164

Agreed. n/t tammywammy Mar 2014 #165

Please read the court docs. Rachel's behavior is waayyy beyond some minor curfew infractions riderinthestorm Mar 2014 #163

I did say in my post that I was courteous to my parents HockeyMom Mar 2014 #169

This girl is NOT courteous. Telling her mother she wants to "shit all over her face" riderinthestorm Mar 2014 #171

Please read the court documents and then come back and tell us that you still think the parents riderinthestorm Mar 2014 #149

She moved out of her parents' home. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #88

The family she is currently living with Jenoch Mar 2014 #8

The law of the instrument applies Major Nikon Mar 2014 #74

Do you onow how many lawyer jokes there are? Jenoch Mar 2014 #83

I didn't think she'd win. bravenak Mar 2014 #10

It sounds like she wants it for college or living expenses. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #13

I know how that feels. bravenak Mar 2014 #16

That's what I don't get: why screw her over on college now? knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #19

Somebody sounds jealous. bravenak Mar 2014 #23

I agree: emancipation's her best bet at this point. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #24

BTW, the parents said they were not withholding the college funds (which THEY paid for) dionysus Mar 2014 #27

Then what's the lawsuit about if she has access to the money? bravenak Mar 2014 #29

bitter feelings i think. spoiled kid vs asshole parents? only they themselves know for sure dionysus Mar 2014 #30

Sounds like it. bravenak Mar 2014 #33

and her friend's lawyer dad who realized he could pocket that college fund in legal fees... dionysus Mar 2014 #35

I hope he doesn't expect that 12 grand in legal fees. bravenak Mar 2014 #49

i can tell you one thing, we'll certainly hear about whatever happens, here. dionysus Mar 2014 #50

Ain't that the truth! bravenak Mar 2014 #54

and everyone will argue, as usual... dionysus Mar 2014 #56

Why should her parents hand her over the college money now? avebury Mar 2014 #34

Maybe there are other issues? knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #42

If you look at the pictures from the courtroom: avebury Mar 2014 #53

I found the pictures, and I don't see what you see. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #60

Having lots of supporters in the courtroom doesn't mean she's an angel Jake Stern Mar 2014 #70

No, of course not, but it is evidence to consider. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #151

Maybe the boyfriend is a criminal, a druggie, or perhaps there are other DebJ Mar 2014 #119

People have brought up the fact that she has been busted for underage ScreamingMeemie Mar 2014 #125

+1. Also the "curfew" issues might not be so simple either. riderinthestorm Mar 2014 #144

The court documents are linked to in this thread. tammywammy Mar 2014 #146

Oh wow. Thanks for that. Just as I suspected, Rachel is clearly in the wrong riderinthestorm Mar 2014 #148

Eating disorders rarely develop in isolation. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #153

Of course we don't have an inside look at their family but there's no denigration riderinthestorm Mar 2014 #167

We'll have to agree to disagree on the reading. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #174

Both parents responded that the abuse allegations were false. riderinthestorm Mar 2014 #177

I'm not saying she's not. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #181

Mostly due to R&J syndrome. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #152

She accused her parents of being abusive, smokey775 Mar 2014 #136

They shouldn't hand it over now. bravenak Mar 2014 #47

I would really like to know avebury Mar 2014 #55

I would too. bravenak Mar 2014 #58

The parents have said that she can have her college fund. blueamy66 Mar 2014 #90

The dad's final comment in the article is interesting. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #12

They should pay the private school bill only because they signed a contract. Then tell........ Logical Mar 2014 #14

That's what the parents and their lawyers are making sure the story is. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #17

Suing your parents is reason enough. n-t Logical Mar 2014 #18

The dad of the family she's living with is behind it. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #20

and getting suspended twice from school and underage drinking and elias7 Mar 2014 #72

No, I am a high school teacher. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #155

Given the shit she has done that you glossed over, maybe the parents are right joeglow3 Mar 2014 #76

Court documents are available Blue Diadem Mar 2014 #124

Thanks, I was trying to get more information. Xyzse Mar 2014 #129

Good Reason number 1 Drahthaardogs Mar 2014 #78

Trying to survive on $650.00 a week with all other expenses paid seveneyes Mar 2014 #99

The daughter smeared them by claiming physical and psychological abuse. Beacool Mar 2014 #79

I am curious about the girl's grades. avebury Mar 2014 #92

That's not necessarily his final comment marshall Mar 2014 #98

True, but why even say that to a reporter? knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #156

I've seen her emails JustAnotherGen Mar 2014 #111

Where did you see that? n/t tammywammy Mar 2014 #117

It is in the court documents ScreamingMeemie Mar 2014 #130

Thanks for the link! n/t tammywammy Mar 2014 #131

Posted about it here JustAnotherGen Mar 2014 #134

I just finished reading the docs tammywammy Mar 2014 #137

I just finished reading the court documents, and the people I find fault with are the parents ScreamingMeemie Mar 2014 #133

Parent support requirements for financial aid are fairly brutal... hunter Mar 2014 #15

then she can go back home and follow the damn rules for a few more months TorchTheWitch Mar 2014 #21

So...children have to earn their parent's beneficence? knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #26

they aren't fighting in court for the right to not take care of her TorchTheWitch Mar 2014 #36

So far you've called this kid a "beast" and "monster." Lex Mar 2014 #37

Good catch. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #39

she is TorchTheWitch Mar 2014 #48

nope, sorry Lex Mar 2014 #57

I'm thinking this reaction doesn't have much to do with her. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #62

+1 laundry_queen Mar 2014 #101

And individuals like you are what we call enablers joeglow3 Mar 2014 #106

I still call bullshit laundry_queen Mar 2014 #112

It sounds like the parents want her to come back joeglow3 Mar 2014 #114

Judge did no such thing. The ruling is just to keep everything the way it is. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #38

Not to mention that probably thru the years Lars39 Mar 2014 #44

Oh, you're right. She has to use them on her forms. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #46

Yep. Witholding info like that could screw her over til she's 25 Lars39 Mar 2014 #52

I thought people that wrote stuff like this were unhinged Authoritarians who do not take kindly Ikonoklast Mar 2014 #132

I looked at the photos and she didn't looked shocked or upset... Violet_Crumble Mar 2014 #41

Look at her eyes. She's holding it together barely. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #43

Exactly which photos show her barely holding it together? joeglow3 Mar 2014 #77

These knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #157

Wait a minute. proudretiredvet Mar 2014 #85

In most of the photos she is positively beaming. DebJ Mar 2014 #120

As a parent, one owns up to the good and the bad, and it can't be about money. hunter Mar 2014 #59

Damn... little shit... evil... bloody... damn... JimDandy Mar 2014 #108

What the judge had to say: avebury Mar 2014 #40

Not exactly a professional choice of words. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #45

She may have overdone it by asking for so much money. bravenak Mar 2014 #61

You can't ask for random numbers in court, though. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #63

She is staying with a friend whose parents do not need her assistance paying their mortgage. bravenak Mar 2014 #66

I'm betting they're saying she can't stay at the friend's house. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #67

I might do her some good to work for a while bravenak Mar 2014 #69

Judges have to apply the law treestar Mar 2014 #105

Are you hinting that the judge and investigator were tainted? Drahthaardogs Mar 2014 #81

No, not at all. They might have biases, though. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #159

Sounds like a layperson treestar Mar 2014 #104

It was the father that said that. Mariana Mar 2014 #123

Become an Emancipated Minor AnnieBW Mar 2014 #51

Apparently, it wouldn't apply to this year's FASFA. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #64

Just a heads up its FAFSA riderinthestorm Mar 2014 #68

Blargh. Sorry about that. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #160

Its awful. I hate financial stuff. Hang in there! riderinthestorm Mar 2014 #168

Me, too! Thanks. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #173

She cannot be an Emancipated Minor at 18 HockeyMom Mar 2014 #96

Well, fucking OBVIOUSLY... the Judge didn't hear BOTH sides of the story. cherokeeprogressive Mar 2014 #75

Parenting fail DiverDave Mar 2014 #89

She has only 3 months until she graduates High School HockeyMom Mar 2014 #93

Actually, almost all states have a window of accepted ages joeglow3 Mar 2014 #107

Two kids both in Hgh School? HockeyMom Mar 2014 #113

As a parent, if you think the mental maturities of 14 & 18 yr olds are close, we have to disagree joeglow3 Mar 2014 #115

I never read that the parents actually said they wouldn't give her the college money. Captain Stern Mar 2014 #95

They have said the college fund is still there. They have said she is welcome to move back ScreamingMeemie Mar 2014 #126

Age of majority used to be 21 exboyfil Mar 2014 #97

I moved out at 17 in 1966 HockeyMom Mar 2014 #109

How long before this is an episode of Law and Order? marshall Mar 2014 #100

I don't think either side is giving enough information to determine if it is a good ruling or not. NCTraveler Mar 2014 #103

There is a lot of information is in the court filings Crabby Appleton Mar 2014 #139

This is a frivilous suit bluestateguy Mar 2014 #127

A self-supporting MINOR should be able to come and go as they please HockeyMom Mar 2014 #141

Where did you get the idea that this teen is self-supporting? Jenoch Mar 2014 #154

No, she isn't but she hasn't graduated from HS yet HockeyMom Mar 2014 #158

I don't get that vibe. Jenoch Mar 2014 #166

This young woman is trying to have it both ways. kiva Mar 2014 #162

Did you read the court docs? She's got substance abuse issues, a serious disease riderinthestorm Mar 2014 #170

From the court docs, some interesting points: knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #172

the rules were listed. tammywammy Mar 2014 #175

Like I said, it wasn't in the main response to the motion. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #176

And I counter with, she is 18 and they can kick her out! nt Logical Mar 2014 #179

They can, but NJ law seems to say there are consequences. knitter4democracy Mar 2014 #180

I have a unique opinion...I don't care brooklynite Mar 2014 #182