The latent sexism of the male marriage proposal

[boston bean]

When I got engaged earlier this year, well-meaning friends excitedly asked "how he proposed" — and then immediately looked at my left hand.

I've been told I can thank the Archduke Maximilian of Austria, who proposed to Mary of Burgundy with a diamond ring in 1477, for such instincts. But maybe I should thank the originators: the prehistoric men who demonstrated their control over women by tying braided grass around their wrists and ankles.

You'd think the obvious sexism of the modern proposal would rankle my progressive friends. Yes, plenty of brides have men in their bridal parties, more and more women are ditching the "virginal" white dress, and guys aren't running to ask their fiancees' fathers for "permission" to marry them anymore. But our culture still, overwhelmingly, pushes the traditional male proposal: down on one knee, with a sparkly diamond (and often a flash mob) in tow.

Tracy Clark-Flory at Salon argues that the male proposal is "a culturally sanctioned time for a man to show his tenderness." But the tradition pushes stereotypical gender roles: The "tender" man is still in control of the situation, while the woman is forced to take a passive role. And if a woman proposes to a man, it's seen as emasculating.

http://theweek.com/article/index/272376/the-latent-sexism-of-the-male-marriage-proposal

I wonder how many women have "basically" told the man in their lives to shit or get off the pot? So, I'm not so sure I agree 100% that in our society today, that most women are passive players in the game.