Joe Paterno, 85, dies in State College

[Bohunk68]

144. Thanks for your kindness

Over the years, I have studied psychology in an effort to understand what happened. I've often wondered what happened to my step-father for him to have done what he did. He also molested my two sisters, his own daughters. I forgave him years ago, but have not forgotten. This was brought home to me within the past year when I portrayed the role of Bob Ewell in "To Kill a Mockingbird" at our local theater group. I portrayed my stepfather and stepped into his shoes. My directer, a woman, said that I made Ewell a human being. One evening, as the audience filed out giving us hugs, one lady came to me and said, "You were really creepy, I've never seen you play a role like this before." I've only been doing theater now for the last going on three years. But, I must say, that it took me some time to get that particular role out of my system. I had thought I was "over it" years ago, but the truth is that you never get over it. It still lingers there in the back of my mind, only semi-buried. I can still hear the tremor in his voice the first time he pulled out his dick. And, there were many times over the years. Meat Loaf's song, By the Dashboard Light has special meaning to me. As a stepchild, and not having had a father figure for my first 9 years, I craved the attention of a male and wanted only to be loved. The love I got was not what I should have had. Instead of support, I got a hard dick. And, yes, I took it, because that was what was offered. I was only a kid for crissake.

The Joepa lovers should think of this: That was a 9/10 year old who had an adult dick shoved up his nether regions. How would they, as an adult, like to have a baseball bat shoved up theirs. That lad needed someone to love and protect him. Those in authority, read, Joepa, did not. In fact, he continued the betrayal. I'd like to call him a selfish greedy bastard, but I don't know that for sure. He turned boys into men, some posters have said. How do they know that for sure? And, if they do, how do they know what men are?

This is not an easy case. It is indicative of our whole society and the dis-ease and disease of that society.