I need one of these signs

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10. Couple of thoughts here. . .

One, I have always been tempted to answer the door to the religious sorts while holding a bloody knife in my hand. (Friend even gave me some fake blood.)

"What do you want? I was right in the middle of a ritual! That goat ain't gonna sacrifice itself!"

Two, I thought of having my own little tracts/leaflets printed up. One would simply read: "You're practicing the wrong religion." One other was inspired by the appallingly youthful Mormon fellows who came to my door and announced themselves as "Elder" So-and-So.

"Hey, baby-face! Where do you get off trying to tell me about life? Come back when the warranty on your knees expires."

The only thing that I have ever done is put my fake, latex python on the porch. (His name was Monty, of course,) Unfortunately, he could not deter either the feral cats or the Jehovah's Witnesses in my neighborhood.

I have made a point of telling the religious visitors that I really, really know the Bible and have come to an informed decision on the subject. The cats were less than impressed by this.