No need to watch the returns Tuesday, this is how it'll go down.

[Drunken Irishman]

I did this four years ago. I want to stick with tradition. Here's how election night is going to go down.

*times might not be exact

7:00 ET:

Polls close in Georgia, Indiana, Kentucky, South Carolina, Vermont and Virginia. Romney will be declared the winner in Kentucky, Obama in Vermont, while Georgia, Indiana, South Carolina and Virginia will be labeled either too close to call or too early to call.

Romney will lead in the electoral college 8-3.

7:30 ET:

Polls in Ohio, North Carolina and West Virginia close. Both Ohio and North Carolina will be too close to call, while Romney will be declared the winner in West Virginia.

He now leads 13-3.

8:00 ET:

At this point, a great deal of states will close and Obama will be declared the winner in:

Connecticut
Delaware
Illinois
Maine
Maryland
Massachusetts
New Jersey
Pennsylvania
Rhode Island
Washington, DC

Romney will be declared the winner in:

Alabama
Mississippi
Oklahoma
Tennessee

Pennsylvania, Missouri, New Hampshire and Florida will be too close/early to call.

Now Obama seizes the lead in the electoral college 79-46.

8:25 ET:

South Carolina is called for Romney. He now trails 79-55.

8:30 ET:

Polls close in Arkansas and Romney is called the winner. He now has 61 electoral votes.

8:50 ET:

Indiana is called for Romney. He now stands at 72 electoral votes.

9:00 ET:

Here comes another big swing of polls closing. Obama is declared the winner in:

New York
New Mexico

Romney declared the winner in:

Kansas
Louisiana
Nebraska
South Dakota
Wyoming

Colorado, Michigan, Minnesota, Texas and Wisconsin are too close/early to call.

Obama now leads 113-97.

9:30 ET:

Pennsylvania is called for Obama. Georgia for Romney. Obama now has 133 electoral votes to Romney's 110.

9:40 ET:

Minnesota and Michigan are called for Obama. Texas for Romney.

Obama now has 159 electoral votes to Romney's 151.

9:50 ET:

WE HAVE AN IMPORTANT CALL TO MAKE. THIS IS A BIG ONE. WE ARE PROJECTING THAT PRESIDENT OBAMA WILL CARRY THE STATE OF OHIO.

Obama now sits at 177 electoral votes, Romney 151. The mood shifts to Romney finding another path to victory ... one that doesn't appear viable with Michigan and Pennsylvania being called for Obama.

10:00 ET:

Polls close in Iowa, Montana, Nevada and Utah. Romney wins Utah - but the other three states are too early or too close to call.

Obama leads Romney 177-157 in the electoral college.

10:30 ET:

New Hampshire is called for Obama.

He now has 181 electoral votes. There is word from Boston that the mood is dower at Romney head quarters.

10:45 ET:

Wisconsin is called for Obama, Missouri for Romney. Obama leads 191 to 167.

10:50 ET:

Nevada is called for Obama. Early voting is what won him the state. Montana for Romney.

Obama now sits at 197, Romney at 170.

11:00 ET:

Polls close in California, Washington, Oregon, Hawaii, Idaho and North Dakota.

Obama is declared the winner in California, Washington, Oregon and Hawaii. Romney in Idaho and North Dakota.

With California's 55 electoral votes, the networks announce Obama has been reelected.

He leads Romney 275-177. Crowds are celebrating in Chicago.

11:40 ET:

Romney takes the stage to concede. Obama is expected to speak at midnight.

11:45 ET:

Obama is declared the winner in Colorado.

11:50 ET:

Arizona is called for Romney.

12:00 ET:

Obama speaks to supporters in Chicago.

12:10 ET:

Obama wins Virginia and Iowa - now sitting at 303-188.

12:30 ET:

Florida is called for Obama.

1:00 ET:

Polls close in Alaska, where Romney is declared the winner.

Sometime Wednesday:

North Carolina goes...

Does it matter?

Obama wins 332 (347) to 206 (191).

Bring on the inauguration.