Reply #22: I work with girls this age and younger (and have a daughter 14) [View All]

[seventhson]

I am an attorney who has worked a lot in the family and juvenile system so I see the worst cases (rape, incest, runaways, abused kids, cutters, etc.)

a couple of things-

take her to planned parenthood (or a skilled ob-gyn) and have her acquire birth control (pills, condoms and/or female condoms, whatever). Nothing prepares a girl for saying no like having to think about it and considering the possibilities. also - this will demonstrate that you trust her but that you know that such an event is out there and you want her to be prepared as well as knowledgeable.


SHE will decide when and where to have sex no matter what you do and you can make it harder for her (so that she really has to sneak) or you can trust her and let her know you are there for her no matter what.

Also - once she knows that the decision is HERS (though you believe she is probably not ready which you should tell her honestly)then she will have to make a mature decision and hopefully the right one.

in most states at sicteen children can leave home with impunity and become emancipated (legal adults who can wed, join the military, quit school, etc)

If she is not prepared now for those rights and responsibilities then she won't be then. she will have to make these decisions (whether to say "yes" or not) the rest of her life and she needs to be equipped NOW to do that smartly.

If she is just too immature generally to understand then hopefully a doctor's visit will sober her up and at least make her more prepared and safer.

remember oral sex can cause disease too if the partner is infected.


try renting "13" and watch it with her as well as "White Oleander". these movies teach a lot about choices and temptations.

I like "Degrassi High" for my kids too as they touch on these sensitive issues and they can be discussed.

do not be afraid to be firm and protective. explain why to her. but do not fail to arm her with what she needs to be safe when she DOES end up alone with one of these guys.

and you must insist on meeting and getting to know him and at least phone meet the parents.

these days he could be great or he could be a total user/loser and slacker and you need to know just to be prepared

if he is not jiggy with that then you know he is not up to any good (even Fonzie knew how to impress the Mommies)