Reply #165: When complimenting a person, don't imply that they are unusual for "their group" [View All]

[yardwork]

In other words, if you want to compliment a woman for her abilities as an engineer, don't say, "She's the first woman who's good at engineering!"

If you wish to compliment a man for being a good father, don't say, "He's the first man who actually cares about his kids!"

Gay man? Probably best not to say, "He's really brave for a homosexual!"

Lesbian? Maybe rethink saying, "She's got terrific style for a dyke!"

The point is - anytime a person compares another person to the supposed stereotypes of their "group," it is inherently an insult - both to the "group" and to the individual. It's perpetuating a stereotype. Biden's said that Obama is "the first mainstream (whatever that means) African-American who is..." then listed a bunch of stereotypes long associated with insults to black people - that they are inarticulate, that they don't have "clean" records, etc.

That's why it's an insult.