Borowitz - Palin Decides Not to Run: ‘I Want to Go Straight to the Quitting Part’ [View All]

[Contrary1]

Decision Leaves Moron Vote Up for Grabs

ANCHORAGE (The Borowitz Report) – Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin told reporters today that she would not run for President because “I want to go straight to the quitting part.”

“If I launched a campaign, let’s face it, a couple of months from now I’d up and quit,” she said. “This is a real step-saver for all concerned.”

She said that prior to her decision she had seriously considered running, “but only for the free clothes.”

When asked about her future plans, she said, “Although I’m not running for President, I have no intention of spending more time with my family.”

The former Alaska Governor, who had originally scheduled a thirty-minute press conference to announce her decision, abruptly cut it short after fifteen minutes with no explanation.

The Tea Party favorite’s announcement leaves the remaining Republican candidates scrambling for the moron vote, a key constituency in the 2012 GOP race.

More: www.borowitz.com