Reply #16: I sent her this. [View All]

[theothersnippywshrub]

The Actual True Birther Truth of Baby Obama's Birth.

Barrack Hussein Obama was born in a jet propelled hot air balloon sometime between January 1959 and October 1964. It is possible that he was born in August of 1961. The attending physician was from Papua New Guinea. The identity of the physician has caused leading Republicans to ask the question: "Which Doctor?" This has caused the Republican party some embarrassment probably due to the Republican doctrinal hatred of, and institutional bias against, homophones.

Obama's mother may have been his younger half-sister and his father may have been Sun Yat-sen, neither of whom was born in Hawaii although both have Hawaiian Certificates of Live Birth, as not explained below. It also is possible that Obama's father was his grandfather. Or maybe Malcolm X. Or maybe Ronald Reagan (this would cause Republicans' heads to explode resulting in massive rectal trauma.)

As for the location of baby Obama's birth, the baby's head emerged from the mother's birth canal while the hot air balloon was in Hawaiian airspace. The balloon then traveled to Indonesian airspace where the baby's torso emerged, and from there the balloon went to Kenyan airspace where the baby's legs and feet were delivered. Because of the protracted time lapse during baby Obama'a birth, the other occupants of the balloon were heard to exclaim: BIRTH! . . Er . . . . BIRTH! . . Er . . . . BIRTH! . . Er. Oddly enough, this chant was destined to become part of the Republican Party orthodoxy many years later.

Once baby Obama's birth was complete, the balloon headed toward Canada. That's right ! Canada ! ! The umbilical cord was cut in international airspace. This bears repeating: the umbilical cord was cut in international airspace ! ! ! Under both state and federal law as it existed at the time, this means that Obama was not Constitutionally eligible to become president of the Harvard Law Review. However, since life begins at conception according to Republicans, and since baby Obama was conceived in Hawaii which nearly everyone concedes was then and still is part of this country, Obama is Constitutionally eligible to be President of the United States.

Upon arrival in Canada, the one day old baby Obama spent somewhere from 37 minutes to 42 minutes being indoctrinated into Socialism (he was highly intelligent and a quick learner with a remarkable APGAR score which has always infuriated Republicans, him being black and all.) There are no records or any evidence whatsoever indicating that baby Obama received any Socialist health care while in Canada, which can mean only one thing. Baby Obama must have received Socialist health care while in Canada and he vowed then and there that someday he would bring Socialist health care to some other unnamed country. And that is two things. The significance of this is both obvious and ominous. Also two things. Hence, this is doubling damning evidence of something.

The hot air balloon then headed to an undisclosed location in Washington state (in another country which shall remain unnamed for security reasons) where baby Obama went directly to the world famous Forged Birth Certificates and BBQ Bazaar. There baby Obama purchased three forged Hawaiian birth certificates (one each for himself, his mother and his father) in all the short form, long form, vault copy, balance beam copy, colby, swiss, and other variations which have been fully, though never clearly, described on the internets. (Probably because the tubes are clogged.) He got the Anti-Christ volume discount of course since his umbilical cord was cut in international airspace. He also purchased 139 different Social Security numbers for future nefarious use. He did not get the Lou Dobbs volume discount on this purchase since that requires a purchase of at least 144 Social Security numbers. While at the Forged Birth Certificates and BBQ Bazaar, baby Obama also had the ribs with a side of slaw (child's portion and price.)

The hot air balloon now began its triumphant return to Hawaii. Upon arrival in Honolulu, baby Obama immediately called Australia to arrange for the creation of certain documents which might become important to someone many years later. He also made arrangements with future Hawaiian government officials concerning statements they would make in 2008 and 2009 about his birth. Baby Obama then got jobs at two different Hawaiian newspapers. He was in charge of handling birth announcements and operating the printing presses. The printing press jobs were union, so this obviously is when Obama became a communist. He often would arrive home from work covered in black printer's ink, which left Oily Taintz in his bathwater. The printer's ink likely is the basis for leading Republicans later referring to Obama as a "little, black man-child" since such a reference could not possibly be due to Republican racism or bigotry.

Shortly thereafter, baby Obama began teething. While no definitive conclusions can be drawn from this fact, it is highly suspicious since it is well documented that some babies born in Africa, in the same year baby Obama was born, began teething at approximately the same age. It was also during this period of his life that he may have worn muslin diapers, which probably explains why some Republicans have accused him of being "muslin." Also, too, sometime either before or after his birth, or sometime since then too, Obama began hanging around with terriers also. As Obama grew older he attended some of the finest schools in the world, possibly including Hogwarts, which may explain why Republicans now call him the "Magic Negro."

The rest of the United States of America and the world call him Mr. President.