Dem2theMax
Dem2theMax's JournalThank you for proving my point.
Adoptees shouldn't be called adoptees.
We are domestic infant supplies. Commodities. Disposable. Available for purchase. In fact, that's the only way you can get one of us. Even if all someone is doing is paying the hospital bill, you are purchasing a human being. Legal human trafficking.
No one should listen to adoptee's voices. How in the world could we know what we are talking about? We only live the experience. No one else does, but our voices should not be listened to.
Everyone should pay attention to the fairy tale. That's the only thing that counts. The fairy tale that the adoption industry feeds to every single person within hearing distance.
As for adoptees wanting to abolish adoption, and wanting to make sure that if we can't live with our birth parent/parents, at least let us live with an extended family member? Well, it sounds like we are an inconvenience. Even though we are human beings. Like I said, disposable commodities for sale.
And heaven forbid anyone pay attention to this:
"In general, there is a misconception in conventional attitudes that young children cannot and will not remember traumas experienced in their first few years of life. It is commonly believed that children “removed at birth may be spared the impact of ACES” (Anthony, Paine & Shelton, 2019) and although adoptions that take place at an earlier age are often associated with better outcomes (Perry, Hambrick & Perry, 2014), adoptees who experience relinquishment at all ages are vastly overrepresented in mental health and substance abuse clinics, are at higher risk for mood disorders, mental health issues, and are four times more likely to commit suicide than non-adoptees (Sunderland, 2019). Adoptees are an unrecognized marginalized group deserving of specialized services that are currently lacking. This article strives to debunk the myth that even when placed into the best of circumstances, adoptees separated from their birth mothers in early life face challenges with long lasting developmental, emotional, and behavioral consequences."
The entire article is worth reading, and should be required reading for every adult.
https://visiblemagazine.com/the-unrecognized-developmental-trauma-of-early-relinquishment-in-adoption/
Adoptees are the one class of people that has absolutely no voice. Absolutely no control over what happens to us. Absolutely no right to know who we really are.
But why the heck should anyone care about us? As long as we don't inconvenience anyone else, we're supposed to shut up and be grateful that other people decided our lives weren't worth anything, that our emotional health wasn't worth anything. And by all means, our lived experience isn't worth anything.
There are people who give birth who should never do so.
I agree with that. However, children should be kept in their family. If not their immediate family, then their extended family.
Adoption should only be used as the very last resort.
All anyone had to do in my birth mother's case was to suggest that she seek out a lawyer. Instead, a predatory OBGYN told her that he had the perfect solution for her. She could give up her child to one of his other patients who couldn't have one. She was backed into a corner, by her abusive ex-husband, (not my birth father,) and this doctor.
She was terrified, and in that moment, she agreed to give me up. And then she regretted it every day of her life. As did I.
It took her a few years to get the abusive ex-husband totally out of her life, and the lives of my half siblings. If only someone had suggested that she let one of her brothers or sisters raise me until she could bring me safely back into the family.
The goal should always be to keep the child with their immediate, or extended family. If people truly cared about children, they would help our birth mothers to get through addiction, to get away from an abusive partner, whatever it takes to keep the family unit together. An extended family is better than never being a part of your family at all.
There are better ways to do this for us adoptees. But the adoption industry will do whatever it can to make sure that adoption is NEVER the last resort.
No 6-year-old child should ever be found sitting on a porch, crying and begging out loud for their real mother to come and get them and take them home. That was me. I'm 68 years old. If you think it doesn't hurt me as bad right now as it did when I was 6 years old, you're wrong.
Adoptees tend to live in a permanent state of denial.
We are told, from the moment we are able to understand language, that we were 'special, chosen, lucky to have a family.' And everyone, and I do mean everyone, praises the adoptive parents for what they have done.
We are not allowed to speak up and tell anyone that we are not happy. For one thing, we are terrified to do so. We've already been rejected once. By our birth mothers. So we live in a constant state of fear of being rejected again, by anyone and everyone. So we keep quiet, never telling anyone our inner feelings, and we suffer. Lots of adoptees never look inward, because if they did, the pain is unimaginable.
And we are supposed to be eternally grateful to have been saved. Saved? I was taken from my mother. That's not being saved. That's destroying my life.
I do know adoptees who were lucky enough to be adopted by people who actually knew what they were supposed to do. My adoptive parents thought it was all about providing the things we need in life, such as a roof over our head, food on the table, clothes on our backs. They had no idea how to emotionally parent a child.
Even if you are lucky enough to get adoptive parents who know what to do, they can't fix what's inside of us adoptees. It can never be fixed, even if you meet your birth parents and establish a relationship with them. The only thing that could fix it would be to go back in time and undo the adoption. And that's impossible.
For a lot of adoptees, our experience is that our adoptive parents expect us to be mini-versions of them. One, or both parents, are upset that they cannot have biological children. They see that as their own failure. So they do everything they can to turn us into them. But we are not them. We are our birth parents. We have their DNA. Inwardly, our adoptive parents know this, and it makes them angry. So they try to do whatever they can to crush our spirit, including trying to beat it out of us, physically, as well as emotionally.
Heaven forbid us adopted kids try to speak up. No one wants to listen to us. So we turn into people pleasers. We have to do everything we can to make everyone around us happy, to guarantee that no one else will leave us. We live in an emotional nightmare. Even adoptees who say they had a happy life, I guarantee you they have not looked inside themselves.
Amen!
'Commodities' is exactly what we are.
The adoption industry is a multi-billion dollar industry. The surrogacy industry is going to go into much higher amounts monetarily.
It never ceases to amaze me how no one wants to hear from adoptees, the people actually having this lived experience. They only want to listen to the adoption agencies.
We are not the solution to someone's infertility.
Required reading for anyone who is adopted, thinking about adoption, wanting to know more.
Start with birth, and the separation of infant and mother.
https://visiblemagazine.com/the-unrecognized-developmental-trauma-of-early-relinquishment-in-adoption/
What adoptees go through while growing up.
What birth mothers go through.
Intercountry adoption.
Adoptees stories, website that leads to podcast.
https://www.adoptionthemakingofme.com/
Interview with intercountry adoptee, also happens to be an adoption trauma therapist. Pretty much explains everything.
The lack of adoptee rights in the United States, when it comes to getting our original birth certificates. We are not allowed to know anything about ourselves. That's immoral.
https://adopteerightslaw.com/united-states-obc/
This adoptee says 'good.'
Adoption should be abolished. It's legal human trafficking. I was purchased. Want to hear about the trauma it's caused me my entire life? Ask any adoptee who's come out of the Fog.
In the meantime, No Child should be taken away from their country, their culture, their language. So good for China. It's a start.
If you are not adopted yourself, you don't have a dog in this hunt.
Just watched the most touching National Geographic film. About a man and a wild otter.
It's on YouTube and it's free. 1 hour and 17 minutes long. You won't regret watching it. I promise there is no sad ending. But you will need tissues.
This will heal your soul, at least for a little bit. Enjoy!
That was an absolutely wonderful read.
And I truly could picture DU as a town, the kind you never want to stray too far from. You always want to know the locals, the best place to hang out. You call it home.
I've never found another place like this. I don't bother looking anymore. This is home.
I'm not feeling well, and it finally stopped raining long enough for me to go outside and take a walk. And while I was on that walk, I was thinking of how lucky we all are to have each other to turn to, especially right now.
I live alone. I have no family. They have all passed away. Yet I never feel alone, because I know everyone is here.
I can come on here and participate as much as I want. I can read and educate myself. I can laugh, I can cry, I learn. This is home.
Three guys came up with a wonderful idea and turned it into a reality. I wandered in here in 2004, and I've never left. DU educates, it opens our minds and our hearts. It takes us on trips to places we never thought we could see, through the eyes of those who live in different countries.
We support each other through the tragedies of life. And we celebrate each other's good fortunes.
We are the luckiest group of people on the internet.
This is home.
Of course it is.
I've been saying this for months. This election is about two words. Beat Trump. That is our only issue.
All the other issues can be taken care of once we have a Democratic candidate who can beat Trump, sitting at the Resolution desk in the White House.
We have had an amazing group of candidates running. But Joe Biden is the one who will bring us the biggest turnout in November. That is how we Beat Trump.
I hate to say this, but it's true. I personally know Democrats who feel this way. Bernie is too far left. Some people will not vote for a gay candidate. Some people will not vote for a woman candidate. And some people are sick of those who can buy their way into office. When even Democratic voters hold these prejudices, they will not show up to vote when the person on the top ticket is someone who fits into one of these categories. I hope the day comes when we grow up, and none of these reasons matter. But in 2020, unfortunately they still do.
Joe Biden is someone we can trust. Also importantly, the world knows they can trust him. The world knows him through his work as the vice president. He already has established relationships all over the world. He can start healing this country, and our standing in the world, on day one.
What a lot of people don't seem to understand is that this is not a normal election. We don't have the luxury of voting for our sentimental favourite. We don't have the luxury of voting for the person with whom we most closely identify. We have a madman in the White House. If we don't remove him by way of ALL of our votes, I doubt he will ever leave. He wants to be a dictator, and he is doing everything he can to assure it happens.
We know he's afraid of Joe Biden. Trump's team knows that Joe Biden is the one person who will bring out the vote, who can Beat Trump, and end this national nightmare.
AverageJoe, I totally agree with you.
I do not understand how we can't be kind to each other even while we are supporting different candidates.
The end result is the only thing that matters. This country needs to elect a Democratic president.
That is our one and only goal right now. Once we get that Democratic president in place, then we can get into the serious issues of the day.
While the Republicans are tearing this country apart, we need to be bringing it together. And we can't do that if we can't even be civil to each other on a message board.
After the Senate voted to acquit drumpf, I actually noticed a different tone here for about 24 hours. People were actually being nice to each other, no matter who their candidate was. Now it's back to 'normal.'
We can do better than this. We have to do better than this. If we don't, the price we are going to have to pay is one we cannot afford.
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Gender: FemaleHometown: California
Home country: USA
Current location: California
Member since: Wed Jul 28, 2004, 07:14 PM
Number of posts: 10,223