jmowreader
jmowreader's JournalTrump's claimed justification for ending the penny makes no sense at all
Earlier this year, America's First Communist President forced the United States Mint to stop making pennies. His justification was it costs more than one cent to make a penny, so they must be bad.
If pennies were single-use items, this would be a sensible thing to do.
They aren't.
The US Mint says a penny has a 30-year service life. If a penny changes possession on average just one time per day, in a year that penny has seen $3.65 worth of usage. Over the penny's lifespan, it will see $107.38 worth of usage.
Because a penny is a durable item that never depreciates - if you could find a penny from 1793, the first year they were made, and spent it in a store it would still be worth one cent - how much they cost to make isn't really an issue.
What does Santa Claus actually do the rest of the year?
We know that on Christmas Eve Santa flies around the world delivering presents to all the good little boys and girls. But the rest of the year he has all his elves to do the admin crap like procurement and planning...so, does he just sit around drinking hot cocoa and smoking his pipe?
It was Christmastime at Little Rotten Donald Trump's house
He went to his mom to ask for paper and pen to write to Santa.
"Little Rotten Donnie, you've been so bad this year Santa won't listen to you. You'd be better off writing to the Baby Jesus."
With a ream of paper and a pen, he sat down to write:
"Dear Baby Jesus, I want lots of presents and I promise to be good all year."
No. You can't lie to Baby Jesus. He threw that letter away and wrote:
"Dear Baby Jesus, I want lots of presents and I promise to be good all month."
Still no. By the time he got down to promising to be good for a nanosecond he decided this wasn't the right way to do it.
So...he got a cigar box and a roll of toilet paper. He went to the nativity scene in the living room. He carefully picked up the Madonna and wrapped her in toilet paper, put the wrapped figurine in the box, and buried it in the back yard. Then he went back to his writing.
"Dear Baby Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again..."
If he lives that long, Trump's last day in office will be January 21, 2027
Reasoning: This is the Twenty-Second Amendment to the Constitution:
No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice, and no person who has held the office of President, or acted as President, for more than two years of a term to which some other person was elected President shall be elected to the office of the President more than once.
Couchlover Vance would want to both finish out Trump's term and be eligible to run for two more of his own. If he takes Trump's spot at any time between now and 1-21-27 he only gets to run for one term. Therefore, he will wait until just after the dividing line between being a one-term and a two-term president is to take over for Trump.
Spurious News: Denmark declares war on the US over Lego portrait of Trump!
COPENHAGEN, DENMARK (Spurious News Network) -- Ever since King Donald Trump, doing business as the president of the United States, tore down half the fucking White House in an Adderall-fueled rage because he found out President Joe Biden had been in there once it's been obvious that this year's Christmas decorations would be a bit subdued. And they are. The People's House is decorated using the cheapest four-foot plastic tree they sell at Hobby Lobby that's covered in ugly, outdated ornaments someone found in their attic, the entire inventory of gold ribbon from the Gaithersburg, Md., Dollar Tree - which, thanks to tariffs, is now two bucks a roll instead of one - and a portrait of our brainless leader made from six thousand Lego blocks.
Today, the Kingdom of Denmark declared war on the United States over that portrait.
According to King Frederik X, hereditary monarch of Denmark, this can't be allowed to stand. "Denmark's two gifts to the world are Danish pastries and Lego. Lego stands for fun and learning, not...this. We can't allow this to stand."
Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen added, "we're not asking for much. All we want is for that atrocity to be taken apart tonight, the blocks donated to a children's charity, and a promise they won't do it again."
If the portrait is not taken apart in accordance with the Danes' demands, they have an attack plan. "There's a traditional Danish dish we call leverpostej. It's liver pate spread on dark rye bread and topped with sauteed mushrooms," said King Frederik X. "Everyone in Denmark loves it, but the rest of the world is united in its hatred for it. We don't mind as that leaves more for us." "If the portrait is not removed," said Prime Minister Frederiksen, "our ambassador to the United States will proceed to the White House with a dozen leverpostej and make Trump eat them."
Trump announces most expensive and stupidest initiative yet!
I have to post a link so you will believe that fucking idiot actually said this:
https://sports.yahoo.com/soccer/article/president-trump-wants-to-rename-american-football-we-have-to-come-up-with-another-name-for-the-nfl-181710848.html
At the FIFA World Cup draw held Friday, Trump said all these words:
"But when you look at what has happened to football in the United States, soccer in the United States ... we seem to never call it [football] because we have a little bit of a conflict with another thing that's called football. But when you think about it, shouldn't it really be called ... this is football, there's no question about it. We have to come up with another name for the NFL. It really doesn't make sense when you think about it."
The first gridiron football game was an 1874 matchup between Harvard University and Montreal's McGill University. The first game between two US-based teams, Harvard and Yale, happened a year later. They were playing oval-ball football 24 years before Donald Trump's grandfather opened his brothel. The rules of association football - the kind Trump describes as "this is football, no question about it" - were set only 11 years earlier than the Harvard-McGill game. The two games are nearly the same age and neither has the exclusive right to the name - especially since there are five games using the name. They are Association football (which the US, Canada, Australia and Ireland calls soccer), Australian football, Gaelic football, and two forms of gridiron football, American-rules and Canadian-rules.
I realize Trump is still pissed off because the NFL says he's too sleazy to own a football team, but this is ridiculous. It would cost easily a few trillion dollars to change the name of the sport of football just because Trump decided to suck up to the president of FIFA. As one example, all NFL licensed merchandise has an NFL logo on it. If you changed the name of the sport the name of the professional league would also have to be changed, which means the logo would change, which ALSO means all the licensed merchandise not yet sold would have to be recalled and destroyed. Everyone from the NFL to children's flag football programs would have to reprint any document and edit any web page that has the word "football" on it. The list goes on. And even if he managed to get football to change its name it wouldn't matter - people would still call the sport football.
Spurious News: Trump releases eligibility criteria for tariff rebate checks!
PALM BEACH, FLA (Spurious News Network) -- "Our great and wonderful tariff system, the greatest one the world has ever seen, has generated trillions of dollars for our great nation in the short time it's been in place," said King Donald Trump, doing business as the president of the United States. "We decided to give some of it back to real Americans in the form of $2000 checks."
But not all Americans will be able to receive one of these checks - just ones seen as worthy and true. King Donald explained how a citizen can prove worthiness to receive a check.
"It is well known that all true Americans are heterosexual males who voted for Donald Trump all three times he ran for the presidency. To receive a check, a citizen will simply go to his local Board of Elections and receive certification that he voted for me three times in a row, then go to a doctor and get a letter saying he is not gay. Once the government receives your certification that you're a straight man and that you voted for me three times, your check will instantly be issued."
When it was pointed out that voting records do not hold information on voter choices and that proving you voted for Trump three times - or even once - would be impossible, Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent replied, "figured that out, huh? You know we're never giving anyone one of these checks."
The weirdest MSDS ever written is the one for water
Yes, there is one and I got dinged on an OSHA inspection once for not having it. (Fortunately the inspector was kind enough to not fine us for this - she said no one realized they needed it so she always brought one with her.)
https://www.sigmaaldrich.com/US/en/sds/sigma/w4502?srsltid=AfmBOooiqcZsCY29amKMzuR6yolLGuUaTk-Kxmslvj_iRB7Zh31Z8We9
The good part is First Aid Measures:
In case of skin contact: Wash affected area with water.
In case of eye contact: Wash out eyes with water.
In case substance is ingested: Make victim drink water.
Or...you could do nothing and be in the same condition.
In 2022, an answer to the question that has roiled the Internet since its founding was released
The question is, of course, "Is Die Hard a Christmas movie?"
The answer was Violent Night, which answers that question by making the exact same movie except now all the villains have Christmas-themed names and there aren't any Bruce Willis one-liners.
Spurious News: Secret film of Mar-a-Lago Thanksgiving party released!
LYNCHBURG, TENN. (Spurious News Network) -- This morning, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth was busy picking up a shipment of 1200 fifths of Jack Daniel's whiskey for personal consumption when he accidentally dropped a USB memory stick labeled "Trump MAL T-day Party." Spurious News Network releases it to you unaltered as a public service.
Profile Information
Member since: 2002Number of posts: 52,843