March 2, 2012

Let's look at someone making minimum wage

$7.25 an hour means $1,160 a month.

Knock off about 30% for taxes, FICA, etc, and we now have $812.

Rent? In 2000, the last year I can quickly find a figure for, the median U.S. apartment rent was $602.

http://www.census.gov/prod/2003pubs/c2kbr-21.pdf

We now have $210 left.

Utilities - $150 per month, leaving $60.

Food? One McD's value meal per day, $6, x 30 days $180.

Now at -$120.

Haven't factored in for clothes, gas, insurance, car expenses/bus fare.

See a problem?

OK, let's try "per capita" income, which is 27,000K a year.

http://quickfacts.census.gov/qfd/states/00000.html

We come up with a more generous $2,250 a month, $1,575 after taxes:

Rent: $602
Utilities: $150
Health Insurance: $400 ( I am basing this on what I pay)
Food: $450 ($15 a day)
Car Payment: $250
Car Insurance: $100
Gas: $180 (1 tank a week, 12 gallons at $3.75)

Oops, I am already up to $1,832 and we are back in the hole, and we haven't accounted for insurance co-pays, clothes, or any form of entertainment.

OK, restart, we get a room mate, and cut rent, utils, and car expenses in half, which means we are finally "in the black" with $1,491 against our net income of $1,575, leaving us a "cushion" of $84 a month.

That $9 birth control prescription represents over 10% of our total "discretionary" income.

And that $84 must cover doctor visits (need one to get a prescription), personal needs (tampons, toilet paper, soap, tooth paste/floss (better use it, because dental is not included in your insurance plan), clothes, and you ARE saving money for an "emergency" aren't you?

When all else fails, do the math.

February 24, 2012

New profitable business venture: Post-mortem metaphysical asset conversion

Based on the two main things I have learned from Mitt Romney as a bishop in the Mormon church and CEO of Bain Capital, I have stumbled on a sure fire, high profit business model. A paradigm shift in investment grade financial instruments which can make us all filthy rich, but will NOT damage the environment, or break any existing laws.

My plan is simple:

We sell Mormon souls to the devil.

Hey, I know what your first question is going to be, "But David, you can't sell someone else's soul to the Prince of Darkness." Silly commie liberal, you don't understand the business concept of "leverage" or other modern investment strategies like those used by Bain Capital.

You NEVER invest your OWN money in a business venture, you invest OTHER PEOPLE'S money.

In this case, why sell our own souls, when we can sell other people's souls?

My understanding is that souls are a HOT commodity and can bring in billions of dollars, fame, multiple sex partners, and immunity from the law (see the Bush family, Rush Limbaugh, Ted Nugent, Chuck Norris, Dick Cheney, Henry Kissinger, and Wall Street).

"But wait a minute," you interject. "I still don't think you can simply sell a soul you don't own to Satan." Well, for most people, you can't, but with Mormons, they have already established a precedent.

The Mormon Church mainstreamed the theological model of "converting" dead people to their religion. Since this is perfectly "legal" according to Mormon dogma, the converse (selling Mormon souls without the owner's consent), would be "legal" under the Common Law doctrine of "Sauce for the gander". I should also point out that we are not limited to the souls of LIVING Mormons, but may also exploit the untapped market for the souls of DEAD Mormons.

And you know what? Souls aren't the only way we can make money off this model. We could start a limited liability corporation in the Cayman Islands and begin dealing in "soul futures". Or we could package groups of souls into investment instruments, then sell shares to Wall Street hedge funds. We could also sell "soul default swaps" to investors to hedge against "soul default" in case some of our assets convert to a religion that doesn't permit post-mortem theological re-assignment. and to cover all our bases i.e., get paid no matter what the market does, we could then set up a investment bank in Zurich to act as a market broker for soul futures, soul default swaps, and infernal soul conversion stocks.

Wait, there's more. We can get the Vatican in on this. We let them know which souls we have monetized, then they can beef up their Exorcism Squad, and start charging soliciting offerings from people whose souls have been converted to a metaphysical debenture. And for a modest royalty on each exorcism performed, we can tip off the Pope to the fact that they can provide this "service" to anyone, since no one will know if their soul has been sold or not (after all, that information is proprietary).

(Note to self: Patent this "technique" of pointing out the obvious. If Amazon can patent "one click check out" we can patent this.)

Once this takes off, there will be a need for a soul "rating agency" to score souls (obviously souls of politicians and Mormon Elders would not be investment grade). With this agency established, we could then offer to sell any Mormon with a credit card his "soul score" and offer services like a "soul lock", which, for a modest monthly fee, will prevent your soul from being "stolen" after your death.

So who's ready to be part of the dynamic new paradigm of synergistic soul harvesting?

February 16, 2012

Let's call the Virginia law what it is: State-mandated rape by proxy

Last night Rachel Maddow danced around explaining Virginia's proposed law requiring women wanting abortions to undergo a transvaginal ultrasound. She seemed to have problems even saying the word "vagina" and simply talked about "things inserted into your body".

Let's stop playing word games

This is legally sanctioned rape, end of discussion.

The state is compelling a doctor to perform an unnecessary medical procedure on an unwilling patient in order to get the medical treatment she needs.

The ultrasound probe is the state of Virginia's penis, and it is being used to sexually assault a woman because some sick and depraved politicians wish to demean women the do not approve of.

The woman is coerced into sitting in stirrups and submitting to a legal rape.

These very same sad, old, sexually deviant white men wish to punish any woman seeking an abortion, but you can bet your last dollar that if any of their mistresses or daughters have an "inconvenient" pregnancy, they will never be subject to this official rape. Instead, they will be given an abortion on the sly from a "helpful" doctor, or after a quick trip to Canada or England.

Let me reiterate, because I cannot stress enough the perversion being perpetrated by the Virginia government:

The Commonwealth (oh, the irony) of Virginia will force an unwilling doctor to vaginally rape with a medical instrument, a coerced and unwilling woman.

Folks, The Handmaid's Tale is now close to being a documentary, the Republic of Gilead is nigh.

The phone number for the Virginia governor's office is 804-786-2211

Cross-posted to my blog