no_hypocrisy
no_hypocrisy's JournalA six year old boy accused me of grabbing him by the neck and choking him
when I was a substitute teacher for his class last month.
My agency suspended me and I was investigated for "misconduct", until yesterday when I was interviewed.
On the day of my assignment, I was told before the class came in that there two boys were "problems" (by the principal, by the "money teacher", and by the nurse). And I vowed to stay on the other side of the room all day in that case. And I did.
They were disruptive, destructive, insolent, and more. All I could do was manage the rest of the class.
More problems: the class went to recess before lunch and these boys refused to climb off the jungle gym and come in. I had to send security out to get them into the building. At dismissal, they "locked" themselves into the coat closet in the back. I got the door opened 2 inches and they slammed the door shut on my hand, crushing my fingers.
So long story short, I was assaulted and I was the one accused of "misconduct".
The investigation found not one student to corroborate the accusation; the principal and teachers gave me stellar reports, and . . . . I had the prescience to leave behind a detailed report that specifically documented all the problems these boys caused that day.
Apparently the boy told his mother who reported the allegation to the principal who had no choice but to report this to the state.
While I have been exonerated, I faced losing more than a few more years of substitute teaching. I risked losing my teaching license and possible criminal prosecution/conviction. The charges could have included attempted murder.
I can't get over a six year old (and if not him, then his mother) could make such an accusation.
In any case, I don't have the stomach to return to teaching if I'm going to wonder which kid is going to report abuse when I was merely doing my job.
Processing my familial PTSD
You know, it's been bad enough to heal myself from the malignant narcissism regularly doled out by my father. Not to mention his explosive hysterical temper. I literally wake up each morning and remind myself that he's not alive and I'm safe.
I'm also processing how he terrified my brother and my sister. My sister was so scared of our father, that she was a positive Quisling against me at any opportunity. I suppose it was to distract and redirect our father's ire away from her. Talk about sleeping with the enemy. I never laid a hand on her, not even in reflex. Not to mention that she'd run to our father and I wasn't looking for more trouble. To make things more strange, my sister had a pathological need for our father to love her; but he was incapable of loving anyone. She was mad/depressed that she wasn't getting her pay-off.
After our father passed, my sister seemed to wake up and started to understand our trauma.
We're both Jewish
I am the daughter of Jewish parents who were children of Jewish parents who were children of Jewish parents. I went to Sunday School, flirted with a Bas Mitzvah but didn't get one. I toured Germany and Austria, visiting a vandalized synagogue in Augsburg and Dachau. And I "lost God". I literally left the religion during the Yom Kippur service in 1984. And now I am an atheist. But I'm still Jewish.
Compare my situation to that of a dear childhood friend.
He discovered after his parents' deaths that he was adopted. His (adoptive) parents raised him as a Conservative Jew. As an adult, he took the Ancestry DNA test and not one drop of Jewish blood. That raised flags. He found his biological parents, both non-Jews. My friend is modern Orthodox. He immigrated to Israel and lives in a West Bank settlement. He went to the Israeli rabbis to see if he still qualified as a "Jew" notwithstanding the bris and the bar mitzvah, Jewish wedding, raising a Jewish family. They deemed he was Jewish according to Israeli law (and Jewish law).
So here we both are: I'm born Jewish and have no faith and my friend was born non-Jewish and more Jewish in his life than I could ever expect to be. His faith is sincere and unfaltering.
We're both Jewish.
I've seen this before -- in my own family
My father was a malignant narcissist and an authoritarian.
His rages were epic.
I was a regular target as I stood up to him even when I knew it was a futile effort. I wouldn't agree with him when he was wrong, and unfortunately, he often was as well as having poor judgment. And as a result, I was branded as a "trouble-maker" in our family.
Our mother also argued, but sporadically as she too knew it was a futile effort.
My sister became an enabler of our father and began to harass me, partly to protect herself and not as much, to protect me.
My brother just kept out of the way.
Our family was classically dysfunctional.
I can see how the Republican Party has become afraid of making Trump "mad".
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