no_hypocrisy
no_hypocrisy's JournalTrad Wife Delusions in My Home
My father expected a trad wife in 1952 when he married my mother. It was akin to trying to put a round peg in a square opening. While Dad finished medical school and an internship, Mom had not one, but two degrees (BA and MS).
Mom was not trained to be a housewife and was not comfortable with the stringent 1950's conventional domestic mores. Keep a house clean; prepare the meals; raise the children; be subservient to her husband; try to keep up with the other housewives, etc. Her solution: She needed a partner: a housekeeper was hired. I was raised by a series of housekeepers (like The Help) since birth.
Besides that, Mom could win arguments with Dad. She totally got Betty Friedan's premise of "A Problem Without A Name". In the 60's, Mom wanted to work outside the home and Dad forbid it. Her only "escape" was to accept trustee position on the Board of Education. And he couldn't nix that. Mom eventually rose to be the President.
If Mom were in love with Dad in the early years, it morphed into thinly veiled tolerance, if not hostility. He never let up.
Happy Fathers Day -- My TACO Story
Back in 1989, I decided I had enough of secretarial work and I should go to law school.
I crammed for six weeks (weeks, not months) to take the last LSAT before I'd have to wait for a new academic year.
I'd work eight hours and go home and right into my bedroom to take practice tests. No prep courses, no help.
Three nights before the test, a young man who was the friend of my housemates took a chicken roasting knife, jiggled it in the door frame of my bedroom in the middle of the night. His silhouette showed him holding a knife like Norman Bates and he was wearing no pants. I was about to be raped and/or murdered in my own bed. (Yes, he was on drugs.)
Long story short, I got him out of my room. (The rape attempt is not a big part of my story.)
I took the LSAT and got a respectable 30 out of 35.
I was accepted at a local three-tier law school.
Here's the TACO part: I was qualified to get a scholarship for all three years. My father convinced me not to get the scholarship, that he would pay for the entire program. I was wary, but I accepted his offer.
Three weeks before orientation and the first payment of tuition, Dad ordered me to go to dinner with him. With our past history, this didn't sound good.
We're at the restaurant and he's bitching about the "fairy food". (He ordered the shrimp with the lime sauce on his own volition.) He then started at me. One of his administrative staff at his doctors office was about to quit, taking a registered nurse with her. And he blamed me. Not that I thought she was a respectable coworker, but I also didn't stand up for her. And because both of these women were threatening to quit (and I was solely responsible for this), he said he couldn't submit Medicare insurance forms and therefore, he'd have to prematurely retire imminently. And therefore . . . . . . no law school money for tuition. (And too late to apply for a scholarship.)
Forget the sappy sentimentality of the obvious betrayal of a father doing this to a daughter and him jumping to conclusions without evidence. I wasn't going to law school (at least until next year).
I was pissed and he was smirking at me across the table in a public place, to see me twist in the wind, maybe have some kind of hysterical reaction.
I responded by leaning back in my chair, took a sip of wine, put down the glass, and softly responded, "Well, I guess that's entirely up to you." He wasn't ready for that. Stole his thunder. He glowered and muttered, "Damned right."
We parted soon thereafter. I went home, threw down two shots of Jack Daniels, thought some.
I decided to say nothing and see what he'd do next. I knew that he'd have some defensive explaining to do when Mom found out. Silence for two weeks.
After two weeks, he called me to tell me the check was on his desk to be picked up.
Dad TACO-ed like Trump. If you fold first, you've lost. But if you're in the mood for an Olympic game of Chicken, you'll usually come out pretty well.
Epilogue: I graduated from law school. He gave me a hard time at graduation along with the rest of my family. But I have knowledge and experience that has helped me in good stead since then. I have confidence. I know how to negotiate. And nobody has the upper hand on me.
And no, my relationship with my father continued to deteriorate, but no damage done. I didn't tell the rest of my family about what he threatened to do, because honestly, it didn't matter after the last semester was paid for.
"I love inflation."
C'mon. Y'all know he's gone. Fried.
When my brother converted from Judaism to Islam (Sufi), our father blew a gasket. I had gone to a religious ceremony to see what the deal was about. And our father blew more of his gasket.
My father confronted me, saying he was "concerned" that I was going to convert after going to this ceremony. I heard enough at this point and flatly declared, "I don't think so . . . . " Why not, countered Dad.
"Because I'm an atheist and there isn't a God," responded I.
"That's WONDERFUL!" exclaimed Dad.
And this is where (IMO) this is where Dad had his "Trump moment": About a decade before, Dad had burst into my bedroom and roared angrily that I was a "godless Communist". Like it was a bad thing. Obviously, he forgot my status. Now I'm wonderful for being the same thing in a different situation.
About the demographic of Americans who don't think democracy is
necessary for this country.
I have a sister who wanted to convert from Judaism to Catholicism almost 50 years ago. Not that she was a practicing disciple. She was 20 and desperately wanted to marry her boyfriend after graduation from college. And he was Catholic and not likely to convert to Judaism. She imagined that converting to his religion would seal the deal.
And so, she started taking Catechism lessons at college. And going to Mass without her boyfriend.
Unfortunately (for her), she knew she wouldn't have the consent and support of our parents. And when they discovered her "betrayal of the faith," they blew up.
And here's my point: They asked the most logical question for her motive for wanting to convert. Instead of being perfectly candid and telling them she wanted to get married to get out of their house, she gave another (credible) response: She didn't want to make her own decisions. The Church would tell her what to do and what not to do. No mistakes and no responsibility for mistakes. No choices.
And by extension, those "Americans" who really don't want democracy and want an autocratic leader to tell them what to do, to think, etc., follow my sister's "logic". They don't want to be bothered to think (critically or otherwise). And they don't want the rest of us to have a choice. Just sit down and shut up while Dear Leader(s) decide for us. If anything, the entire concept of democracy scares the bejeezus out of them. Instead of not trusting Dear Leader(s), they're suspicious, skeptical, and fearful of the rest of us. We're going to "ruin it" for them by getting Dear Leader(s) mad at all of us. Can't have that. Better to let Dear Leader(s) decide for all of us.
Epilogue: My sister didn't convert. Didn't marry the Catholic guy. Married a nice Jewish boy. Still is an airhead.
If the non-democracy crowd wants to stop participating in democracy, they can start by staying home and not voting for MAGA candidates.
Not for a minute should anyone believe that Bari Weiss is solely proceeding with
incompetence. She's been told how to remaster Sixty Minutes.
I produced a small progressive radio talk show for almost 2-1/2 years without previous experience. And not many similar genre programs to learn from.
I wouldn't say I was incompetent as much as inexperienced.
But I managed to get a wish-list of guests that made all the difference. George McGovern, Ted Sorenssen, Carl Reiner, Jim Hightower, Greg Palast, Helen Thomas, Governor Don Siegelman, and more.
My point: Bari Weiss has been given her marching orders and she's being a good German soldier. This is no accident.
One reason why I believe Trump can't successfully prosecute the situation in Iran.
War, excursion, etc.
He can't play golf.
Stay with me.
Golf is a sport that requires a keen mind and strategy. Trump lacks both.
You play it on terrain with hills, sand traps, "the rough", trees, water traps, etc. Each course is different. You just don't hit the ball and hope for the best. You even need a caddy to advise you of the next shot.
How do I equate golf with prosecuting a war? Trump cheats at golf. He doesn't rely on his own strategy. He knows enough to move his ball for a better vantage point. But all in all, he can't play from Hole 1 to Hole 18 without cheating and then lies to himself (and everyone else) that he's Arnold Palmer.
Golfing is regarded as a gentlemen's game. A lot of mathematics, logic, psychology, and philosophy associated with it. Trump doesn't want to go through all that rigmarole when he thinks he can get the same result by cheating.
You can't cheat at war. It can be real and abstract simultaneously. People die as a result of your choices.
I'm not saying good golfers can run a war. But it couldn't hurt.
Just had an epiphany
The narcissistic abuse endured by myself, my siblings, and our mother by our father originated in his father.
Our father had to learn his method of browbeating, denigrating, controlling, degrading (and more) from somewhere. He wasn't born with it.
I suddenly remembered how our mother would criticize Dad's sisters for being too emotional, too hysterical, too dramatic. I actually saw one aunt screaming, crying, being hysterical, with clothes being strewn around a motel room just before going to my cousin's wedding. It was something. This was 53 years ago. I saw it.
My point: All those hysterics, emotional responses had to come from somewhere. And no, you can't fall back on they had "something wrong" with them. They were reacting like I reacted when my father was on a mission to hurt and to damage.
To me, this demonstrates that my grandfather was abusive to everyone in his family, zero empathy. He was engaged to a young woman for 3-1/2 years in 1900 before jilting her behind her back to marry my grandmother. He didn't know my grandmother, didn't love her, but wanted to be brought into the business of her brother. That's how marriages happened sometimes back in the day. His fiancée saw the publication of the NEW marriage license in the newspaper THE MORNING OF THE WEDDING OF MY GRANDPARENTS. The first fiancée was left as damaged goods and never married. My aunt was born as a result of marital rape.
My grandfather was a prick. Who begot another prick, who mentally abused me and my family. I'm the only one who got out alive with my sanity.
Trump has The Dark Triad Personality
Identifying a Dark Triad personality—comprising narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy—involves recognizing patterns of extreme manipulation, a lack of empathy, and grandiosity. These individuals often appear charming initially but exhibit cold, calculating behavior, pushing boundaries, lying habitually, and treating others as tools for self-advancement.
I grew up with a father who had this personality. It isn't a trait. It's all encompassing. He didn't punish as much as threaten to destroy you. By destruction, it could be alienating you from the family, not supporting you financially, chasing you out of your family home, and much more. And it grew worse as he aged. You have no sense of relief I had the night he died. No grief or remorse. Relief from fear and psychological harm.
And the thing above all was that I didn't do anything to harm him; he perceived my independence and resistance to his control to be evil, and I had to be destroyed. I often had fears of being locked up like Girl, Interrupted by my father. Or having him order a lobotomy or electroshock therapy. (And he could have as he was a respected physician and had connections.)
Sending JD Vance to negotiate a peace agreement is an exercise in futility.
He has no experience whatsoever as an ambassador, a diplomat, even as a mediator or arbitrator. Just like Jared Kushner and Steve Witkoff.
Not to say that Iran is sending someone with those skills and credentials.
Vance will likely lay out demands and conclude with "Take it or leave it!"
Plus, Vance has a legal background where you're trained as a litigator with Win-Or-Lose. By contrast, a mediator knows the nuances of an argument where both sides give up something in order to reach a resolution with no winners and no losers. And we all know that Trump is not going to accept being anything less than a winner.
My mother was President of the Board of Education in my town. A number of hardball contracts with the teachers. And she advised me that a successful agreement had both sides going home unhappy.
Pam Bondi
I revisit my education and experience for undergraduate and graduate schools.
I have a total of nine years, three diplomas. I am both a certified public school educator and a certified attorney.
I graduated from an independent women's college, so I learned to be prepared to participate and to speak up with confidence. Unfortunately, that didn't translate into law school where clumps of beer-drinking male compatriots had no problem sneering and jeering at me when I could answer a question they couldn't. Meant to humiliate me.
At this point, maybe I would have dropped out or let them control who I was. Or become Pam Bondi and let nobody touch me. I would be right no matter what. Or Woody Allen in The Front, where he refused to answer any question.
I promise that I never observed a Pam Bondi in any of my law school classes. If anything, I witnessed women more brilliant than my college. I wanted to be more like them. And yes, there were times I could answer questions that they couldn't.
Pam Bondi is an embarrassment to all attorneys, but particularly to women attorneys who had to work twice as hard to be get into law school and three times as hard to graduate and pass the Bar.
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