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Top 10 Conservative Idiots #25: Wheel O’Corruption 3: Dark Of The Moon Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #25: Wheel O’Corruption 3: Dark Of The Moon Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! It both tastes great and is less filling! Whew!!! And in case you were wondering, why yes, I am naming all the Wheel O'Corruption editions after terrible Michael Bay sequel titles. The next one will be "Age Of Extinction" followed by "Out Of The Shadows". You know we took a week off last week and it feels like an eternity doesn’t it? But you know we couldn’t really do a proper idiots list in the wake of the death of His Purpleness, Prince Rogers Nelson. It really was kind of a sad week last week wasn’t it? You had tributes everywhere. And how great was Saturday Night Live playing the entire episode just chock full of great performances from Prince. I mean the man was truly legendary in what a performer he was. And not only was he a virtuoso on guitar, keyboards and just about every instrument you can think of, he also had his own way of doing things. I mean come on let’s give it up for Prince! Now I know I say this every week but this might be our biggest edition ever. But first – John Oliver enlisted the help of Hamilton’s Lin Manuel Miranda to rap about the dire straits that Puerto Rico is in, mainly the doing of Conservative Idiot Hall Of Famer Strom Thurmond:

So as I promised in the last edition, and I am a man of my word, like the Joker from the Dark Knight, the Wheel O’Corruption is back, yo! For the wheel this week we got a lot of conservative idiocy to discuss. The first entry is going to go to The Bathroom Police (1). Yes, conservatives policing bathrooms sadly is still a thing and not going away any time soon. Taking the second slot this week – John Kasich (2) has a crazy sense of false hope that he is going to walk away the victor of a potentially brokered GOP convention that he’s already naming potential VP picks and has formed a sort-of alliance with Ted Cruz in the hopes of taking down Trumpenfuror. At number 3, Trumpenfuror sets women’s rights back about 100 years. In the number 4 slot, we are going to Maine where governor Paul LePage (4) is one of the craziest people in politics. Whew, boy he had some gems this week. At number 5, Alex Jones (5) really hates Beyonce for some reason and thinks her new album “Lemonade” is part of a CIA mind control plot. Like they do. Alex Jones’ closest rival Glenn Beck (6) takes the number 6 seed this week. So Glenn Beck has a godly explanation as to why the primaries seem like an eternity anymore. Be sure to stock up on plenty of popcorn for that one! In the number 7 slot there was way too much idiocy to comprehend for this week, so we’re going to try something different. We are going to have a Wheel O’Corruption Lightning Round (7). With 3 minutes on the clock and a bunch of stories being rapid fired off, anything can happen!. At number 8, Ted Cruz (8) prematurely picks his vice presidential nominee, while being called Satan by former house speaker John Boehner. In the number 9 slot, while on the subject of trans issues, Keith Ablow makes the case for the APA to finally yank his medical license. As if he hasn’t already. Finally this week we are going to devote the #10 slot by talking about science fiction. Do you guys and gals like science fiction? Did you know that a conservative faction led by white supremacist author and Canadian gift-giving holiday Vox Day (10) are trying to rig the Hugo Awards for the second year in a row? I went down the wormhole on this and it’s crazier than you would think it is. And we are going to put the new Top 10 Twitter feed to some good use. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key !

[font size="8"]The Bathroom Police [/font]

So for this edition we’re going to spin an imaginary wheel for republican corruption. Use your best imagination for this one. Like what Stephen Colbert uses.

The wheel is back everybody!! And yes just like last time I’ll talk about whatever the wheel lands on. But remember that if it lands on the Guacamole option that it costs $1.50 extra.

- Gun Nuts
- Donald Trump
- Go Directly To Jail
- Clip Without Context
- Guacamole
- 5,000
- Poison
- Poison (The Band)
- New Car
- Bankrupt
- Satan
- Buy A Vowel
- Prince
- Food
- Whammy
- Vice Presidents
- Chuck Norris
- Anti Abortion
- VR Headset
- Science Fiction
- Get Out Of Jail Free
- End Times Worship
- 10,000
- Celebrity Look Alikes
- Fox & Friends
- Double Whammy
- 15,000
- Casting News
- Supermassive Black Hole
- Money
- The Eagles
- Sex Scandals
- Racism
- Something random in the news
- ??? (Mystery)
- Florida (Obviously)
- Infowars
- Lightning Round
- Bonus Spin

Let’s get this shit going! Spin it! And it lands on………. Celebrity look alikes! Does this woman who appeared on Maury last week look like Ted Cruz? Well you be the judge!

My god the resemblance is uncanny! I mean the best plastic surgeon in the world couldn’t do a job that good! And if you guessed this woman is going to do porn, you are correct sir/madam! You get points!

Spin it again! And this time it lands on……. Bathrooms. Sigh. After the last edition’s scathing report on the GOP and bathroom crimes, have we not learned anything? I guess not because we’re a Z-rated show. So GOP, you fucked up on this one, and you continue to fuck up. So much that other countries are issuing tourism warnings to their LGBT residents to avoid the US because the anti-LGBT sentiment is so toxic that it’s beginning to become a problem. Honestly the anti-LGBT rhetoric in this country is becoming like China’s pollution problem, or that mole on your back. It was fine when you checked it a year ago, but when you look at it again, it’s grown to the point where you should probably have a specialist take a look at that thing. Look at what the British government did just last week:

In the eyes of the British government, the U.S. may now be a risky destination for LGBT travelers. The British Foreign Office posted a travel advisory update to its website Tuesday warning members of the lesbian gay, bisexual, and transgender communities about anti-LGBT laws passed recently in North Carolina and Mississippi.

"The U.S. is an extremely diverse society and attitudes towards LGBT people differ hugely across the country," the advisory reads. "LGBT travelers may be affected by legislation passed recently in the states of North Carolina and Mississippi."

Read more: http://www.msn.com/en-us/travel/news/britain-issues-travel-warning-for-lgbt-people-headed-to-us/ar-BBs4iKE?ocid=spartandhp

Bravo fundies. You’ve officially made it completely unsafe for LGBT families abroad to travel safely to the US for holidays. I mean how are their children supposed to enjoy Disneyland or New York City? Well done.

Seriously I thought we had made progress in this area, but nope. So much that Target has weighed in on their issues regarding North Carolina’s HB-2.

(Reuters) - Target Corp said on Tuesday that transgender employees and customers could use the bathroom that corresponds with their gender identity, becoming the first big retailer to weigh in on an issue at the center of a heated national debate.

The move came after North Carolina last month became the first U.S. state to require transgender people to use restrooms and changing rooms in schools and other public facilities that match their sex at birth rather than their gender identity. Lawmakers in some other states have also floated similar laws.

The law in North Carolina does not affect private-sector businesses, which are free to set their own policies, Governor Pat McCrory said in issuing an executive order related to the measure earlier this month.

Backers of the legislation in the Republican-controlled North Carolina legislature say it is meant to protect privacy rights and keep children and women safe from sexual predators.

Read more: https://www.yahoo.com/news/retailer-target-says-transgender-people-bathroom-choice-001322045--finance.html?nhp=1

Yes so Target has weighed in on the subject. It’s officially OK for trans people to use their preferred gender bathrooms at their stores. But did you see the last part of that article? Private entities are exempt from the law meaning that they can dictate their own policies and what Target is doing is exactly what the law says. Now here’s where things are getting out of control. First take a look at this video from “The Liberal Redneck” about the subject:

And then read where a Georgia republican casually admits that so-called "religious freedom" bills are actually designed to protect the KKK. Holy fuck. We live in the matrix. But now check out where this cop says he would beat the living shit out of anyone who dares use the wrong bathroom:

The sheriff of Denton County, Texas, Tracy Murphree, is so transphobic that he has no qualms about physically assaulting trans people who use the restrooms of the genders with which they identify. He has a young daughter, so of course he thinks he’s justified in doing this, regardless of what the woman does in the restroom while his daughter is in there. In fact, he actually said :
“All I can say is this: If my little girl is in a public women’s restroom and a man, regardless of how he may identify, goes into the bathroom, he will then identify as a John Doe until he wakes up in whatever hospital he may be taken to. Your identity does not trump my little girl’s safety. I identify as an overprotective father that loves his kids and would do anything to protect them.”

How does a law enforcement officer justify that kind of battery if there’s no danger? How would he know that every person who entered that restroom was female at birth? Trans people use restrooms like the rest of us – they go in, find a stall, shut the door, do their business, flush, leave the stall, wash their hands, and leave the restroom. That’s it. That’s all.


What the hell is wrong with these people? And I always thought cops were supposed to serve and protect, not beat the shit out of innocent people just needing to pee. But here’s where one right-wing religious fundamentalist takes things way too far, and takes the Target name literally:

Years of lugging guns around in public places – such as supermarkets – have resulted in zero terrorist plots thwarted. As such, ammosexuals have had to find a fresh new reason to make sure they are armed to the teeth every time they go outside of their homes. This time, the threat is only “Isis” if that’s the name of a transgender woman who happens to be in a public restroom.

Christian Extremist and president of a theocratic law group named The Liberty Council Anita Staver has declared to the internet that she will be carrying a firearm with her every time she uses the bathroom in public from now on.

Staver took to Twitter to make her formal declaration of pseudo-vigilantism.
Liberty Lawyer ‎@AnitaStaver
I'm taking a Glock .45 to the ladies room. It identifies as my bodyguard. #BoycottTarget @Target
1:48 PM - 22 Apr 2016


Holy fucking shit. You know we should not be afraid of trans people just needing to take a piss. What do they think we do in the bathroom? Hang around for the ambiance? Hell no! We pee, wash hands, and get the hell out. You know who we should be afraid of? Crazy gun-toting right wing lunatics like this batshit crazy woman who are declaring themselves judge, jury and executioner. They should not get to call themselves religious. Instead, they’re raging assholes. Give it up, fundies. And by the way if you guessed that the actual rate of a trans person committing a crime is zero, you are correct sir / madam! You get points!

Fox News Sunday host Chris Wallace slammed anti-LGBT conservatives this weekend for their obsession with so-called "bathroom bills," like North Carolina's HB2, that ban transgender people from using restrooms that conform to their gender identity.

After listening to conservative pundit and publisher Ben Domenech's claim that they are necessary to prevent men – not transgender women – from attacking women in restrooms, Wallace decided to point to actual research.

"We actually decided to try to find out whether it is a public safety issue, whether it is a problem with transgender people misusing bathrooms to prey on others," Wallace told his viewers.

"Here is what the fact checking group PolitiFact found," he said, reading their statement. "'We,' that’s the PolitiFact, 'haven't found any instance of criminals convicted of using transgender protections as cover in the United States. Neither have any left wing groups or right wing groups.'"

Damn………… you know you’ve fucked up when Fox News points out how much you’ve fucked up.

Oh and in case you were wondering, Ted Cruz has a solution – trans people should just not use public bathrooms at all!

Ted Cruz’s tour de transphobia, launched last week to capitalize on Donald Trump’s criticism of North Carolina’s anti-transgender law, has embraced a new extreme position. Speaking to reporters this weekend in Indiana, he actually admitted that he doesn’t believe transgender people should be allowed to use any restroom except the ones in the privacy of their own home.
“Every one of us has the right to live our lives as we wish,” he said. “If any one of us wants to dress up as a woman or man and wants to live as woman or man and believes that we might be something other than what we were born, God has made each of us with free will and the ability to choose to do that if man to wants to dress as a woman, and live as a woman, and have a bathroom at home.”

So what’s the solution Teddy? Diapers? That weird walker with a bucket they sell in senior pharmacies? Trash cans? Sinks? Alleyways? A 64 ounce "Big Gulp" cup from 7-11? I could keep going! If you're going to take away a group of people's basic right to take a piss, you'd better be providing some fucking alternatives! Otherwise we will brand you as a paid spokesperson for the adult diaper industry! Ted Cruz: The official Senator of Depends Corporation! And that title previously went to David Vitter by the way.

And if you were wondering what an actual bathroom crime that the GOP is afraid of looks like, why guess what? It's not being committed by trans people! Instead it's being committed by - you guessed it - creepy white guys!


26-year-old Korey Byron Holt was arrested by Pensacola police yesterday afternoon for allegedly photographing an 11-year-old boy while he was using the restroom.

Holt is charged with video voyeurism and disturbing the peace.

Authorities made the arrest following an investigation where they determined Holt held a camera over a stall and took a picture of the boy. The incident occurred on Sunday around noon at a Pensacola church.

Police learned of the incident after the boy told an adult who later called the police. The 11-year-old boy said he saw someone reach over the top of the bathroom stall next to his and take a picture of him.

[font size="8"]John Kasich [/font]

Spin it to win it! And it lands on……. Guacamole. Come on out, here, Fernando! So here’s your $2. Everyone, Fernando is our sous chef here at the Top 10. Fernando, say hi to the audience. Audience, say hi to Fernando. Like most good chefs in California, we found Fernando working in the back of a Burger King and decided that his talents were much better put to use working as the official sous chef of the Top 10. See I have this amazing homemade burrito with carnitas al pastor, rice, refried beans, cheese and hot sauce, and Fernando is going to prepare my table side guacamole. Not too many tomatoes. In fact, almost none. Light on the onions. And can I get some of that habanero seasoning? Yeah look at that!

Let’s try some. Mmmmmmmmm. That’s Fernando everybody!

Spin it again! And it lands on…………. Vice presidents! You know, those guys whose “Hall Of” is the least visited attraction at Disneyland. So in the last edition, I talked about how Donald Trump floated several possible vice presidential picks. Now John Kasich is doing the same in the hopes that the convention will be brokered.

Ohio Gov. John Kasich's campaign is starting to vet potential vice presidential running mates that it may use as part of its pitch at the Republican convention in Cleveland, he said in an interview Saturday.
"Well, we have some old hands now who are beginning to do that," Kasich said in an interview for Sunday's CBS "Face the Nation." "These things come quickly and you don't want to have yourself in a position where you've got to pick somebody out of a hat."
And asked whether that's something he will use in Cleveland to help get delegates to turn his way after the first ballot, Kasich replied: "Yeah, I think it's always possible."

And how far behind is Kasich in the polls, you may ask? Well I answer you, good sir / madam, with this:

And now the bad polling news for Kasich: A new Monmouth University survey of likely Republican primary voters in Maryland, which holds an April 26 primary, shows Trump ahead in Maryland at 47 percent, followed by Kasich at 27 percent and Cruz at 19 percent. The poll also shows Trump leading in congressional districts key to the convention delegate chase. Kasich's strength against Clinton is moot if he can't get to and through a contested GOP convention.
"If Trump's current level of support translates to each of Maryland's eight congressional districts, he may be able to run the table," said Monmouth polling director Patrick Murray.

So trailing by 20%, Trumpenfuror would still win at the GOP convention if these polls prove to be accurate. So he thinks he can still win? Is this some kind of new math I wasn’t taught in school? But… Kasich has a strategy! He and Ted Cruz are planning to form… an alliance!

With Texas Sen. Ted Cruz and Ohio Gov. John Kasich both mathematically eliminated from clinching the Republican nomination, Donald Trump is the only candidate left who can secure the spot as the party's representative. Knowing this, Cruz and Kasich have decided to join forces, form a team, and attempt to block the billionaire real estate mogul from reaching his goal.
As Cruz sits with 559 delegates, and Kasich holds on to just 148, both candidates have decided that coming together is their best shot at forcing a brokered convention. Establishment leaders have been dreading a possible Trump victory, and with less than three months until the Republican National Convention in Cleveland, Ohio, desperate times have called for desperate measures. The Hill elaborated more on the story on April 24.

But… John Kasich on the other hand should be extremely wary of who Ted Cruz might want for his VP pick, and it’s original idiot Carly Fiorina (see Idiots #1 ). Anyone remember that the Planned Parenthood shooter was directly inspired by Fiorina’s batshit crazy anti-abortion propaganda? Anyone?

Carly Fiorina is being vetted by Ted Cruz's campaign as a possible vice presidential pick, a source with knowledge of the process told ABC News.

The source said no offers have been made at this time.

So with Teddy and Johnny forming an alliance, is Johnny the Newman to Teddy’s Jerry?

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Spin that shit! Clip without context!

Was Donald Trump describing the horrors of 9-11, or did he actually eat one of those disgusting $2 “awesomeness guaranteed” chicken sandwiches at 7-11? Because either way both require first responders. That chicken sandwich may be $2 now buy you will be paying for it with a gastric bypass operation later on.

Spin it again! And it lands on……….. Donald Trump. Yes Donald Trump has his own brand of batshit insane conservative lunacy. So Trumpenfuror was campaigning in Pennsylvania this week, and after the flub of him asking about Joe Paterno (see the last edition), this time Buzzfeed uncovered some old interviews where he unleashes some good old fashioned 1950’s misogyny. Specifically this happened:

Buzzfeed took a look back at a series of interviews from 2003 to 2007, in which Trump held forth on fatherhood, taking care of the kids, and parental gender roles. The real estate mogul, who is not exactly known for being consistent, stayed on message about parenthood throughout: Dads supply the money, moms do everything else.
Here’s an overview of what these interviews teach us about the GOP frontrunner as a dad and husband.
Trump doesn’t change diapers…
“No, I don’t do that,” Trump said on the Opie and Anthony show in 2005. “There’s a lot of women out there that demand that the husband act like the wife and you know there’s a lot of husbands that listen to that… I’m really like a great father but certain things you do and certain things you don’t. It’s just not for me.”
…or really do anything hands-on to care for his kids.
“I mean, I won’t do anything to take care of them. I’ll supply funds and she’ll take care of the kids. It’s not like I’m gonna be walking the kids down Central Park,” Trump said in a 2005 interview with Howard Stern. “Marla used to say, ‘I can’t believe you’re not walking Tiffany down the street,’ you know in a carriage. Right, I’m gonna be walking down Fifth Avenue with a baby in a carriage. It just didn’t work.”
It’s not just babies that Trump avoids.
In a 2007 interview, Trump told Stern about his relationship with Tiffany, his daughter with Marla Marples. Trump said that Tiffany visits him, “You know for about an hour, ‘Hi dad,’ Hi Tiff, I love you Tiff.’ She’s a great kid,” says Trump, who tells Stern that Tiffany’s a smart girl—something he knows because he “glances” at her report cards.

“Changing diapers and raising your children is for stupid losers. See only winners like me who have gigantic penises are the real bread winners of this world. You know I’m a very smart businessman, I make good decisions, I use the best words. And I can’t do any of that if I’m tied down and changing diapers! I just can’t do it! Because that’s stupid loser work!”

Is he Borat now?

In other Trumpenfuror news – while we won't get into his failed foreign policy speech this week (next week though... ), we will point out that Donald Trump has locked up the rageaholic vote by getting endorsements from former Indiana coach Bob Knight, Mike Tyson, and Mike Pence. So his key supporters so far are a raging asshole, a raging asshole, and a raging asshole. So Donald Trump has that vote locked up! Donald was once again fear mongering about ISIS:
"We don't know where they're from, we don't know where they're from, they have no documentation," Trump continued. "We all have hearts and we can build safe zones in Syria -- and we'll get the Gulf states to put up the money, we're not putting up the money -- but I'll get that done."
"Lock your doors folks, okay, lock your doors," Trump concluded. "There's no documentation, we have our incompetent government people letting them in by the thousands, and who knows, maybe it's ISIS. You see what happens with two people that became radicalized in California, where they shot and killed all their coworkers. Not with me, folks, it's not happening with me."

And by the way in case you were wondering – yes, skinheads did turn up in droves at a Trumpenfuror rally in Pennsylvania this week:


A Donald Trump rally in Harrisburg, Pa. last week brought out a large and varied crowd: teens in business suits, Republican members of Congress, and racist skinheads.

Almost a dozen white men decked out in the regalia of a white supremacist group hung out toward the back of the Trump-loving crowd, cheering heartily at the mogul’s calls for stricter immigration enforcement and eyeing police as they dispatched protesters.

The group is called Keystone United -- also known as the Keystone State Skinheads -- and it’s one of the better-organized state-level white supremacist franchises in the country.

Ed. Note - don't worry! Next week we will be going into full detail about the Trump riots in California!

[font size="8"]Paul LePage[/font]

Entering the spin zone! Sweet, I get a “get out of jail free” card!

I’ll just put that away for later. Spin it again! And this time it lands on… racism. On the Top 10, I’ve frequently talked about my love of the Tina Fey comedy “30 Rock” and how life is imitating their art. In the 7th season of that show there’s an episode where Tracy Morgan mimics a real life governor who is certifiably batshit insane. Really, honestly there’s no way that 30 Rock could accurately recreate a character like Paul LePage. He’s our version of the late Toronto mayor Rob Ford, only without the crack smoking. So this week Maine held their annual GOP convention, where LePage went on this batshit crazy tirade and attacked Indian workers:

Bangor, Maine (AP) — Maine’s Republican governor says it’s hard to understand workers “from Bulgaria” and workers from India are “the worst ones.”

Gov. Paul LePage said Saturday that foreign workers are being used in restaurants after he criticized a referendum proposal to raise Maine’s minimum wage to $12. He says he’s disappointed his alternative proposal to hike the wage to $10 didn’t get traction.

He described Indians as “lovely people but you’ve got to have an interpreter.”

LePage is known for making controversial remarks. In this case, he was chuckling as he spoke at the state party convention. He joked that his wife is going to get a job as a waitress for supplemental income.

He also had a crude remark about President Barack Obama, saying Obama stands for “one big-ass mistake, America.”


Wow. Just…. Wow. Where do we find these people? I mean seriously. It’s almost as if life imitates art, or art imitates life. In one speech, LePage mocked Maine’s Indian population and denounced the idea of a $12 living wage for Maine. And “One big ass mistake America”? That’s not old by now? Sheesh, even the Republicans’ attempt at “humor” is pathetic, recycled, and as mean spirited as their talking points are. It’s not that the fact that these people get elected mystifies me, it’s that they get re-elected. Like multiple times. Are the voters in Maine suffering from Stockholm syndrome?

But here’s where LePage is busy crafting his own Nixon style enemies list – which includes a people’s advocacy group and a pro environmental group:
Gov. Paul LePage used an address to the Maine GOP convention over the weekend to attack what he says are the greatest enemies to prosperity in the state: the Natural Resources Council of Maine and the Maine People’s Alliance.

Representatives of the environmental and progressive advocacy organizations responded by saying the governor should work on uniting the state rather than dividing it.

And another thing – Paul LePage also gave a lecture at University of Maine – Farmington, called the students “idots” then left 5 minutes in. And he’s also trying to apologize for said incident.
Maine Gov. Paul LePage is apologizing and vowing to cut back on public appearances after clashing with two student protesters Tuesday at the University of Maine's Farmington campus and them "idiots."

"For more than five years, the media has flocked to events where I have been asked to speak, not to cover any good news about the events, but to disparage me over issues totally unrelated to the events," LePage said. "Since I am such a distraction to the media, I will no longer attend some of these public events."


Now as you all are aware now it’s widely believed that Prince died of an overdose of prescription pain killer Percoset. And when his jet landed in Illinois so that doctors could administer a life saving drug, that saved his life temporarily, it’s a damn good thing his jet didn’t land in Maine, otherwise he would have died much sooner:

Brash Maine Gov. Paul LePage vetoed a bill that would make a life-saving overdose prevention medication more available — because it will only prolong life until an addict's next overdose, he said.
LePage, a Republican, blocked the bill on Wednesday, which proposed to make the drug Naloxone — designed to quickly counteract a potentially fatal opiate overdose — available over the counter without a prescription to someone at risk, or their family members.
“Naloxone does not truly save lives; it merely extends them until the next overdose,” the controversial governor wrote in his rejection of the bill.

Holy fuck. It takes a certain kind of crazy to believe that cold-hearted shit.

[font size="8"]Alex Jones [/font]

Spin it to win it! And where does it land? Nobody knows! Ah, it lands on the Eagles! And specifically Joe Walsh is pretty awesome. While we were on break last week this happened:

A Statement From Joe Walsh Regarding His Withdrawl From a Concert Event on Monday, July 18th in Cleveland, OH

April 20, 2016 - "It was my understanding that I was playing a concert which was a non partisan event to benefit the families of American veterans on Monday, July 18 in Cleveland. The admat I approved said this specifically. Today it was announced that this event is, in fact, a launch for the Republican National Convention. In addition, my name is to be used to raise sponsorship dollars for convention-related purposes. Therefore, I must humbly withdraw my participation in this event with apologies to any fans or veterans and their families that I might disappoint.

I am very concerned about the rampant vitriol, fear-mongering and bullying coming from the current Republican campaigns. It is both isolationist and spiteful. I cannot in good conscience endorse the Republican party in any way. I will look at doing a veteran related benefit concert later this year."

-- Joe Walsh

Yes Joe Walsh hates the republicans and backed out of a planned concert which he later found out was a launching ground for this year’s GOP convention. Let’s play some Joe Walsh before we get into the stink of Infowars, shall we?

Sorry Dude, we love the Eagles here. Spin that shit again! And it lands on…. Oh Infowars! Infowars - that site you go to if you want to know the odds of an event in the news being the result of your guns being taken away. For most of us, we know the odds are zero, but Infowars fans think everything will result in your guns being taken away. Ugh, I don’t want to comment on Infowars or anything having to do with Alex Jones. But they keep me coming back for more. It’s so easy to make fun of right wing conspiracy theorists because they keep bringing the batshit crazy. I mean remember a few months ago when Beyonce showed up and eclipsed Coldplay’s halftime performance at the Super Bowl? Well if you saw Infowars last week you would have thought otherwise!


ALEX JONES: This is (Beyonce's) latest video, blowing stuff up, beating everything up, smashing vehicles, and it’s all about men. First it’s hate the cops in the last video, now it’s the ultimate feminist video being hailed. She just hates men and runs around with a crazed look on her face attacking everything.

Again, this is admitted high-level -- it turns out basically everything they put on the Super Bowl or out on Viacom is run by CIA propaganda because that’s their domestic job. “Beyonce invokes ‘urban terrorism’ in new video,” and this is just to get people to act like total morons so that they can then be basically arrested, set-up, put in jail. I mean, this is -- I mean look at the look on her face in the whole anti-police deal. This is how she ran around like, you with the cops, they’re the enemy, and that it’ll fix everything. And then she’s funded by the very government and the very platform, the very establishment system puts her out there.

When you see Beyonce doing all this and making the way to stand up, burn down your neighborhood, or attack your police. The police, then, are being federalized and geared up for what’s about to happen. And so it’s just a way to again play us all off against each other.

What is Alex Jones smoking? And does he even know what the CIA does? Or is he just talking out of his ass? I mean seriously Alex Jones is about as deranged as they come. He’s Bill O’Reilly’s racist uncle. Who wants to go to jail? If you want to see people getting arrested for doing stupid shit, take a look at this story from Fort Bend, Indiana where a student was arrested for paying for lunch with a US legal tender $2 bill. I have one of those in my wallet right now! And then take a look at this statement from the White House where they said that our over populated prisons are more costly than helpful. And Alex Jones thinks people are getting arrested on purpose because it's a CIA plot purposefully incited by their media puppet Beyonce? What the fuck? And Beyonce is inciting riots? Show me exactly one riot that has been undertaken as a result of Beyonce’s Super Bowl appearance. I mean seriously. It can’t be done, can it?

And in case you were wondering, the guest Alex Jones had on was just about as batshit crazy as he is:

Yesterday, conspiracy theorist broadcaster Alex Jones claimed that Beyoncé's new album, "Lemonade," was part of an attempt by the CIA to promote violence and attacks on the police, which would in turn allow the federal government to take control over local police forces. He expounded on this theory in an interview yesterday with far-right pastor James David Manning, urging parents to make sure that their kids aren’t exposed to Beyoncé because she intends to eat their brains. “I’m pro-human so I say, black people, especially, stop killing your kids and get them in church, whatever, take them away from Beyoncé, who wants to eat their brain with the CIA, literally,” Jones said, adding: “Obama literally is the killer of black people and they love him.” Manning, who said he gave Jones’ statements “three-and-a-half Boom Shakalakas,” said “Beyoncé is going to inspire children all across every spectrum to act in a violent way” while, at the same time, literal demons are “promoting” homosexuality “in our schools and in our institutions.” Jones said that he even saw with his own eyes “literal, devil-worshiping communists” demonstrating in favor of abortion rights turn into satanic lizards: “The black people have a green tone, the white people have a green tone, they are turning into lizards or something.”

- See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/alex-jones-beyonc-wants-eat-childrens-brains#sthash.8BDUIaIP.dpuf

Holy crap, this guy contradicted himself in the same sentence! He’s pro human but says that Beyonce will eat your brains. Is he on the Walking Dead?

You know what? I actually did go buy Beyonce’s latest album “Lemonade” in spite of Alex Jones and his batshit crazy Infowars followers. And here's an actual screen shot from my personal iTunes library just to prove it! In addition to loving the metal, I also love the hip hop, the jazz, the funk and just about everything in between.

And you know what? It’s really fucking good! Suck it, Alex Jones! In fact I think every time you buy a Beyonce album, the heads of Infowars subscribers do this:

[font size="8"]Glenn Beck [/font]

Spin that shit! And it lands on… come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! Supermassive Black Hole! Hit it!

Damn, love me some Muse!
Something strange is going on in a distant corner of our universe. About a dozen supermassive black holes are all shooting enormous jets of energy in roughly the same direction. It could be a cosmic coincidence—but some astronomers suspect there are larger forces at play.

Supermassive black holes, which are found at the center of nearly all galaxies, periodically erupt, hurling streams of energized plasma into intergalactic space. For instance our galaxy’s own supermassive black hole, Sagittarius A*, will sometimes swallow a star and belch x-ray energy all over the Milky Way. These eruptions are fascinating to astronomers, but they are typically thought to be independent events.

So a dozen black holes all mysteriously blowing energy in the same direction? Either the 9 realms from the Thor movies are converging, or that could also be describing this year’s GOP debates.

Spin it again! End times worship. Someone who is anti science though is Glenn Beck. So everyone’s favorite batshit crazy chalkboard writing, end times worshipping conspiracy theorist Glenn Beck simply won’t go away. Although this week, you know they say that a broken clock is right twice a day. So what’s Glenn Beck’s “scientific” reasoning for why the elections seem like an eternity from the time they first start until the last ballot is cast on November 5th?

Glenn Beck Explains Why God Is Dragging Out The GOP Primary All The Way To The Convention
By: Kyle Mantyla, Monday 04/25/2016

On his radio program today, Glenn Beck suggested that the Republican presidential primary race is going to be dragged out all the way until the national convention because God wants to allow everyone to have their say before He removes his hand of protection from his nation (presumably for failing to nominate or elect Ted Cruz as president.)

As he explained, God is "making sure all of us are accountable" for what happens to this nation, saying that while presidential primary contests are usually settled relatively early on, things are different this year because God knows that the fate of the nation is at stake.

In America today, just as in the Old Testament, Beck said, "the people cry out for a king and God and the prophets stand up and say, 'Don't do it, don't do it.' And the people cry out for a king and God and some people stand up and say, 'Don't do it, don't do it.' But those people who are standing up are always in the vast minority; 'Don't do it, you don't want a king.' And then, usually, the third time they cry out for a king and God's like, 'Whatever. You got a king.' He doesn't stop your free choice; you have free choice. Because we have a covenant with God that started with George Washington, because we have a covenant, I think before He withdraws His protection, He just wants you to be clear and He doesn't want New York to decide for you, He doesn't want New Hampshire to decide for you, Florida, Iowa."

God wants to hold everybody accountable? Do you live in the same country that I do? Nobody is held accountable for anything! Rick Snyder poisons the water in Michigan. He’s not held accountable! Dennis Hastert rapes kids, he's not held accountable. Robert Bentley screws over the entire state of Alabama. He's trying to not hold himself accountable! I mean last week it finally took forever for the NFL to hold Tom Brady accountable for artificially inflating his balls!

[font size="8"]LIGHTNING ROUND [/font]

Spin city!!! Where does it land? Oh………. Oh………… can it be??? YES!!! It’s the Lightning Round!!!

So how is this going to work you may ask? Well I answer you good sir/madam: there was so much idiocy last week that it’s virtually impossible to contain it all. So we are going to do something different for this entry. Rather than post the whole story I’m just going to give you the headline and then you can jump to your own conclusion. And we are going to bring out the wheel’s smaller brother which has just a mere 10 items on it, so I can rapid fire as much of these as possible. The 10 items are: Donald Trump, sex scandals, fundraising, Whambulence, random penises (oddly specific), conspiracy theories, greed, religion, voter fraud, election stealing. There might be a video or a comment or two. So let’s put 3 minutes on the clock!


Spin it! Donald Trump. Donald Trump fails to impress foreign policy experts..

Spin it! Sex scandals! Dennis Hastert sentenced to 15 months for crimes related to sex abuse.
And despite that he is an actual sexual predator, he can use the bathroom in North Carolina. Hey O!

Spin it! Donald Trump. Again. This time he once again sets women’s rights back:

Spin it! Fundraising! A John McCain fundraiser got busted for running a meth lab in Arizona. I mean come on, it’s Arizona! California’s Florida!

How much time do we have? 2:15? Spin! Whambulence! So Pat McCrory blames the backlash for HB-2 on a dem wanting to “take his job!”:

Spin! Conspiracy theories! So Chuck Norris whines about the terrible dangers of chemtrails:
Or are chemtrails afraid of the dangers of Chuck Norris?

Spin! Sex scandals again! So you know who Dennis Hastert has on his side? Former House speaker and current convicted criminal Tom DeLay! You can always tell a guy by the company they keep!

Spin city! Religion! Robert Bentley invokes God and tries to pull a Jedi mind trick:

Spin it to win it! Oh... religion again! Man lots of religion! A pastor says he got photographic proof of heaven and was charging $340 for a glimpse at the photos, but then lost it:

How much time is left? 1:22. What’s next? Spin! Greed! Nestle is once again trying to steal water and charge obscene profit!

Spin it! Religion! Roy Moore once again loses his collective shit over the lawsuits from his recent decision on gay marriage in Alabama:

Spin! Religion again! So someone built a “life size” replica of Noah’s Ark and it’s coming to San Diego? To pick up the animals at the San Diego Zoo?

Spin! And another one for religion! Do I get a trifecta? So the city of Oahu, Hawaii is requesting $250K for a evangelical megachurch:

45 seconds left! Spin! Voter fraud! Jim DeMint finally admits what we’re all thinking about voter ID laws!

30 seconds left! Spin! Election stealing! So there’s a new fact-free smear movie about Hillary Clinton that is set to debut before the DNC in July, and thanks to Citizens United that’s now OK:

15 seconds left! Spin it! And for the last one it lands on: random penises! So what else did the Bundy Bunch leave behind at Malheur? Why if you guessed they desecrated Indian ruins by drawing penises on them, you get points!

Phew!! That’s how you do a lightning round! I need a beer!

[font size="8"]Ted Cruz [/font]

Spin it! And it lands on…………. Satan!

Long live Lemmy!

More specifically, former house speaker and current bronzer model John Boehner called Ted Cruz “Satan”. Or even more speficially the “son of Lucifer”.

When it comes to Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, even a few months’ time out of Congress has done little to lessen former Speaker John Boehner’s contempt for his former Capitol Hill colleague.

“Lucifer in the flesh,” Boehner told an audience at Stanford on Wednesday night, according to the Stanford Daily. “I have Democrat friends and Republican friends. I get along with almost everyone, but I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life.”

Read more: http://www.politico.com/story/2016/04/john-beohner-ted-cruz-lucifer-222570#ixzz477ulMBpq

He’s “Lucifer in the flesh”, ladies and gentlemen!!! And by the way, why has no heavy metal band used that as an album or a song title? I mean come on guys let’s get to it!

And by the way, The Satanic Temple weighed in on the subject:

I asked The Satanic Temple to weigh in — after all, they have a vested interest in this matter — and spokesperson Lucien Greaves told me this:

Boehner’s comment is illustrative of how well past time it is to adjust our mythologies to reflect our realities. Cruz’s failures of reason, compassion, decency, and humanity are products of his Christian pandering, if not an actual Christian faith. It grows tedious when pedophile priests and loathsome politicians are conveniently dismissed as Satanic, even as they spew biblical verse and prostrate themselves before the cross, recruiting the Christian faithful. Satanists will have nothing to do with any of them.

But in even stranger Ted Cruz news, we are just a mere 80 days away from the kick off of the Republican National Convention in Cleveland. 80 days! Which in political time feels like 7 and a half years.

But that didn’t stop Teddy from prematurely announcing his VP pick. I mean don’t we have a convention to go through? Don’t you have things like delegates to get and a nomination to pick up before you announce your VP pick?
(CNN)Ted Cruz formally named Carly Fiorina as his vice presidential running mate Wednesday -- a last-ditch move to regain momentum after being mathematically eliminated from winning the GOP presidential nomination outright.
"After a great deal of consideration and prayer, I have come to the conclusion that if I am nominated to be president of the United States that I will run on a ticket with my vice presidential nominee Carly Fiorina," Cruz said during a rally in Indianapolis.

But Forbes is speculating that this could potentially backfire on him spectacularly:

Fiorina doesn’t appeal to Kasich voters

For better or worse, Kasich has become the vessel of moderate Republican voters: the suburban, upper-income folks who prefer pragmatism to bomb-throwing. And Carly Fiorina is, at least rhetorically, a Cruz-style firebrand.

There’s also the fact that pragmatic conservatives tend to favor someone for veep who has deep experience in governing and legislating, something that Fiorina does not.

In other words, Cruz picked one of the few people in the 2016 field who will struggle to appeal to Kasich voters and unite the GOP around Ted Cruz.

And how did Carly Fiorina celebrate the announcement? By breaking out in a very awkward song!

[font size="8"]Keith Ablow [/font]

Spin it! And it lands on… clip without context!

Because we all know God runs the voting machines. I mean he can change them at any time!

Spin it again! Fox & Friends. The most watched show by low information voters among the 18 – 35 demographic. Well we’ve discussed trans issues ad nauseum this week but then there’s Keith Ablow. This guy is an entirely new level of just plain fucking evil. And he is a licensed psychiatrist. I will repeat this: he is a licensed psychiatrist!!! Why hasn’t the board yanked this fundie douchebag’s license yet? What’s he’s prescribing here is completely unethical, immoral, and inhumane….
Fox News "Medical A Team" member Dr. Keith Ablow speculated wildly about medical care for transgender children, proposing his own harmful treatments that go against scientific evidence and professional standards from mainstream medical associations.
In a rant where he compared being transgender to pretending to be 65 to get Medicare, Ablow proposed injecting transgender children with hormones corresponding to their gender assigned at birth to “go with nature” and make them “feel more comfortable.” Ablow’s proposed “treatment” is his own extreme variation of discredited ex-gay “conversion therapy” which falsely claims to change a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity. Ablow’s suggestion is reminiscent of 1940’s era “treatments” where lesbians were forced to submit to estrogen injections and men were given testosterone to “cure” them of being gay. These type of “reparative therapy” practices have been rejected for decades by all mainstream medical associations.
While Ablow has a history of attacking transgender children with extreme, inaccurate claims, experts contradict his talking points. The American Psychological Association has stated that it is "not helpful to force [a transgender child] to act in a more gender-conforming way." Family rejection of transgender youth has been linked to a series of negative health consequences.

Holy fuck!!! This is a Hitler-esque level of batshit insanity. How does the APA not revoke his medical license for this? This is just mind blowingly evil! Just… I can’t…. what the… I don’t want to… ah!!!!

[font size="8"]Vox Day [/font]

Let’s spin the wheel one last time this week. What? Go Directly To Jail? NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Wait – I’ve got that “Get Out Of Jail Free” card! Yeah!!! Suck it chance card! Spin it again! Come on VR headset… daddy wants an HTC Vive!! And it lands on… science fiction! I always say I save the crazy extra hard for the number 10 slot, and this is about as crazy and unbelievable as it gets, folks! You guys and gals like science fiction, don’t you? I mean who doesn’t love a good expansive sci fi novel with 1,000 characters and entire worlds to explore? We do live in a golden age of science fiction. I mean Hollywood is remaking the classic Japanese anime flick “Ghost In The Shell” starring – wait for it - Scarlett Johannsen! I wish I were making this up! Scarlett Johannsen is the perfect choice for that role – she’s hot, can kick your ass, is fashion conscious, and was in The Avengers! But… oh wait she’s not Japanese. So let’s talk about the Hugo Awards. Before I go into this week’s entry, I do love sci fi but I am really not that familiar with a lot of sci fi authors, but doing research for this entry, I discovered there’s a lot more to the Hugo Awards the last couple of years than previously thought. And it’s all batshit insane. But before we delve into this thing, let’s give you some background.
Since 1953, to be nominated for a Hugo Award, among the highest honors in science fiction and fantasy writing, has been a dream come true for authors who love time travel, extraterrestrials and tales of the imagined future. Past winners of the rocket-shaped trophy—nominated and voted on by fans—include people like Isaac Asimov, Arthur C. Clarke, Harlan Ellison, Philip K. Dick, and Robert A. Heinlein. In other words: the Gods of the genre.
But in recent years, as sci-fi has expanded to include storytellers who are women, gays and lesbians, and people of color, the Hugos have changed, too. At the presentation each August, the Gods with the rockets in their hands have been joined by Goddesses and those of other ethnicities and genders and sexual orientations, many of whom want to tell stories about more than just spaceships.
Early this year, that shift sparked a backlash: a campaign, organized by three white, male authors, that resulted in a final Hugo ballot dominated by mostly white, mostly male nominees. While the leaders of this two-pronged movement—one faction calls itself the Sad Puppies and the other the Rabid Puppies—broke no rules, many sci-fi writers and fans felt they had played dirty, taking advantage of a loophole in an arcane voting process that enables a relatively few number of voters to dominate. Motivated by Puppygate, meanwhile, a record 11,300-plus people bought memberships to the 73rd World Science Fiction Convention in Spokane, Washington, where the Hugo winners were announced Saturday night.

Let’s stop there for a minute. So in the last 5 or 6 years the Hugo Awards have embraced diversity and expanded their author base to authors of other races, genders and sexual orientations. In other words, they’re becoming more inclusive. But… not in the eyes of Vox Day and his white supremacist followers and trolls. They think of diversity the same way that Ron Burgundy does.

But what is “Puppygate”? Well let’s find out what that is.

Two authors have withdrawn their work from contention for the prestigious Hugo science fiction awards in the wake of what George RR Martin has called “Puppygate”, the controversy that has “plunged all fandom into war”.
Marko Kloos, whose novel Lines of Departure had been picked along with four other authors for the best novel Hugo – an award that counts Dune and Neuromancer among its former winners – announced on Wednesday that he had withdrawn his acceptance of the nomination. Annie Bellet, whose Goodnight Stars was a contender for best short story, also withdrew from the race.
Both writers had been included on a slate of titles pulled together by a group of right-leaning science fiction writers dubbing themselves the Sad Puppies, who had mobilized fans to pay for membership of Worldcon, enabling them to vote and thus flood the categories with their choices. Brad Torgersen, the author behind Sad Puppies, wanted to reverse what he called the Hugos’ favouring of works that were “niche, academic, overtly to the left in ideology and flavour, and ultimately lacking what might best be called visceral, gut-level, swashbuckling fun”.

So the phrase “Puppygate” was coined by “A Song Of Ice And Fire” author George R.R. Martin, and that was because it was the result of a concentrated effort by conservatives to get more conservative authors to the top of the Hugo Awards. This is literally a science fiction novel that has come to life. You really do have two warring factions fighting with each other! So now coming back to this year’s awards, what does what happened last year have to do with this year’s nominations? Well…

The result was that not a single Puppy-slate winner won a Hugo. In the categories where there were only Puppy candidates, the award went to “No Award.” Even before the awards, a few candidates who had appeared on the Rabid Puppy slate without their knowledge or consent chose to decline their nominations. Marko Kloos explained to his publisher that he had to do this, because “This is the kind of stink that doesn’t wash off.” Nothing sums up last year’s awards better than the announcement of “No Award” winning multiple categories being met by thunderous applause.
But for this year’s nominations, some things have shifted. The Sad Puppies opened up their version of a slate into a “recommendations” page, and then ranked things by the number of recommendations they had received. Meanwhile, Rabid Pupppies leader Theodore “Vox Day” Beale released another set of slates for each category.

That’s right! Not a single author nominated by the “Rabid Puppies” faction of Hugo Awards members got an award!

But let’s go back to the Wired piece for a minute. It’s very long but well worth reading and includes a very diverse and very insane group of cast members. So George R.R. Martin himself thinks that the Hugo Awards should not be a popularity contest:

Martin, the son of a longshoreman, rejects the idea that anyone has been excluded from the Hugos for not being either highbrow or politically correct enough. But just being popular shouldn’t be enough to win, he told me on the second day of Sasquan. “The reward for popularity is popularity! It’s truckloads of money! Do you need the trophy, too?” he said as we sat in his hotel room overlooking the convention center and the Spokane River. “Can’t the trophy go to the guy who sells 5,000 copies but is doing something innovative?”

So on one hand you have people who think this is a popularity contest, then the guy who is arguably one of the most popular science fiction writers since Phillip K. Dick saying that this should not be a popularity contest. So which is it? Well here’s also where the trolls trolled the Hugo Awards hard. Let’s take a look at the Short Story and Related Work categories.
BEST SHORT STORY (2451 ballots)
“Asymmetrical Warfare” by S. R. Algernon (Nature, Mar 2015)
The Commuter by Thomas A. Mays (Stealth)
“If You Were an Award, My Love” by Juan Tabo and S. Harris (voxday.blogspot.com, Jun 2015)
“Seven Kill Tiger” by Charles Shao (There Will Be War Volume X, Castalia House)
Space Raptor Butt Invasion by Chuck Tingle (Amazon Digital Services)
BEST RELATED WORK (2080 ballots)
Between Light and Shadow: An Exploration of the Fiction of Gene Wolfe, 1951 to 1986 by Marc Aramini (Castalia House)
“The First Draft of My Appendix N Book” by Jeffro Johnson (castaliahouse.com)
“Safe Space as Rape Room” by Daniel Eness (castaliahouse.com)
SJWs Always Lie: Taking Down the Thought Police by Vox Day (Castalia House)
“The Story of Moira Greyland” by Moira Greyland (askthebigot.com)

That’s right – you have such quality works on the bill as “Space Raptor Butt Invasion” (was the author playing Sci Fi Cards Against Humanity with that one? :chuckle), and you have “Safe Space as Rape Room”, and “SJWs Always Lie: Taking Down The Thought Police”. In going down the wormhole on this subject, here’s where things get scary. I found this review of “SJWs Always Lie”. Which includes this excerpt from the book:
“Trolling” is what SJWs call it when you respond to them in their own rhetorical language. The perfect Queen of the SJWs–and she would be a queen, never a king–would be a mixed-race lesbian Swedish immigrant who was abused as a child by a conservative Republican white politician and kept as a sex-slave by neo-Nazis with Confederate-flag tattoos prior to writing a bestselling novel about a fictionalized version of her terrible experiences, appearing on Oprah, and starring in a science-fiction TV show popular with white nerds. No one but an SJW has ever used more than one of the following words in a sentence: “problematic,” “offensive,” “inclusive,” “triggered,” “trigger warning,” “privilege,” “platforming,” “silencing,” “equitable,””welcoming,” “safe space,” “code of conduct,” “cisgender,” “diversity,” “vibrant”. No one but an SJW makes quasi-religious fetishes of Equality, Diversity, Tolerance, and Progress.

Holy shit! I hope he didn’t open with that!

And the buzz words! Look at all the buzz words! So many buzz words! It’s funny that Vox Day accuses others of being “SJWs” (social justice warriors) when he’s one for his own causes. Pot calling the kettle black? And the reviewer called this “delightful”! And it’s a contender for a Hugo Award! This was allowed to happen! But here’s where I am going to let you have some fun with this. If Vox Day and his brand of far right SJWs can troll his hateful bullshit, and other quality titles like “Space Raptor Butt Invasion” to the top of the Hugo Awards, we can troll them can’t we? I mean come on what kind of world do we live in where we can't fight back against the trolls? Let's turn the tables! And here’s where I am going to put the new DU Top 10 Twitter feed to use. Follow us at @DU_InitechTop10. Send us your best childish science fiction title, and the more childish the better, and hashtag it “#HugosSoTrolled”. The best ones will get posted next week!

See you next week!

Top 10 Conservative Idiots Minis #1: Brief Stuff: The Horrors Of 7-11 Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots Minis #1: Brief Stuff: The Horrors Of 7-11 Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! You didn’t really think I was going to leave you hanging for two weeks, was I? I mean come on! What kind of host would that make me? Not a very good one if you ask me! There wasn't a lot of idiocy this week so for this "Minis" edition we've got 3 items to touch on that wouldn't necessarily fit a proper Top 10. With this edition you're getting a taste - just a taste of what next week's full version will bring. So I saw Iron Maiden last week and man was that an absolutely incredible show.. The show was awesome, the Iron Maiden Trooper Ale they were selling was amazing, the t-shirt I got was amazing (even though I had to wait a long time in line for one!). It was jam packed at the Forum and I don’t think there was a single person sitting down the entire time. Well except for one douche in my section who made everyone else move out of his way and was being a dick. I mean come on when you’re in a stadium full of 20,000 screaming fans who are standing up, you stand up! Especially if you’re, I don’t know, 25 rows back! It’s not like you were in the front row or the handicap section! I have a bad back, and *I* could stand for that whole 3 hour set! But we can’t let that ruin an otherwise amazing show, can we? But the reason I’m doing this brief stuff edition is that there’s a few things we got to talk about even though it’s our week off. So John Oliver runs Youtube exclusives during his weeks off, and we’re going to do the same here. I promise you though, we will return on May 1st with a completely brand new edition of the Wheel O’Corruption.

So for this Idiots Exclusive we’re going to talk about three things that I am paying an awful lot of attention to. The first is that Donald Trump (1) gave a speech about the horrors of 7-11, and I can’t let that one slide for a week. The second is that we’re going to do not one, but two TTCI story updates. In the second slot, we are going to talk about “music bullshit”. Gov. McCrory has a sad about the music acts that are cancelling their tours in North Carolina, plus one who’s actually going through with playing a show. And the third slot we’re going to talk about Curt Shilling, it seems the former Red Sox “Bloody Sock” pitcher is a colossal dick. And we’ll explain why. Plus we have what might be the most Florida story ever, and a Top 10 Update. Sorry no more Boaty McBoatface. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[font size="8"]Donald Trump [/font]

So Donald Trump is the gift that keeps on giving. So last week after the “How’s Joe Paterno” thing doing, you know how the US treasury is replacing Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill? Well there’s this:
(CNN)Donald Trump thinks anti-slavery icon Harriet Tubman is "fantastic" -- but he says the move to have her replace seventh president Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill is "pure political correctness."
"Well, Andrew Jackson had a great history, and I think it's very rough when you take somebody off the bill," Trump said during a town hall on the "Today" show on NBC Thursday morning. "I think Harriet Tubman is fantastic, but I would love to leave Andrew Jackson or see if we can maybe come up with another denomination."
Trump suggested -- as Ben Carson also has -- that Tubman be put on the $2 bill, which is no longer printed.
Harriet Tubman will be face of the $20
The business mogul heaped praise on Jackson, whose presence on the $20 bill was criticized due to his history as a slave-owner and his dismal record on Native American and racial issues, epitomized by the Jackson administration's infamous "Trail of Tears" policy that forcibly relocated the Cherokee people to devastating effect.

“I love money, I have the best money. Nobody has better money than I do! I mean who wouldn’t want an actual slave driver on the $20 bill like Andrew Jackson? See he tried to make America great again, and I aim to do the same!”

And then there’s this:

Washington (CNN)Donald Trump, who has made his advocacy for New York City after the 9/11 attacks central to his candidacy, accidentally referred to it on Monday as 7/11 -- the ubiquitous convenience store.
"I wrote this out, and it's very close to my heart," he said at the outset of his remarks on Buffalo on Monday evening. "Because I was down there and I watched our police and our firemen down at 7/11, down at the World Trade Center right after it came down. And I saw the greatest people I've ever seen in action." The businessman did not correct himself.
Trump is poised to win a lion's share of the delegates in New York's primary on Tuesday, and he has held up the city's response to the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks as a defining "New York value."

Is… Donald Trump describing the horrors of 9/11/2001 or is he describing the horrors of what happens to your colon after you eat one of those disgusting $2 “awesomeness guaranteed” chicken sandwiches at 7-11? Because I honestly feel like without the proper context that this could go either way.

But one other Trump item I want to talk about is the guy standing behind him after he won the New York Primaries, and that’s former NY gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino. Who has some extremely Trump-esque policies:

But Trump made a more subtle incendiary statement by choosing to deliver his victory speech while standing next to 2010 New York gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino. Paladino, a real estate developer who rode the tea party wave to a surprising victory in that year’s Republican primary before he was trounced by Democrat Andrew Cuomo in the general contest, is mostly remembered for a series of ridiculous and offensive things he said and did (during and before his campaign), including:

— Saying he’d transform some New York prisons into dormitories for welfare recipients, where they could work in state-sponsored jobs, get employment training and take lessons in “personal hygiene.”

“Instead of handing out the welfare checks, we’ll teach people how to earn their check. We’ll teach them personal hygiene… the personal things they don’t get when they come from dysfunctional homes,” he said.

— Forwarding emails containing racial messages about President Obama, birther claims, pornography, and bestiality. When confronted about his emails, Paladino blamed Democrats.

[font size="8"]Music Bullshit [/font]

First off we have to talk about the passing of Prince. One of the best. This has just been an absolutely shitty year for music. You have Lemmy, Glenn Frey, Scott Weiland, David Bowie, and now Prince. I mean in addition to loving the metal, I also love the funk. George Clinton, Bootsy Collins, Prince, Cee Lo Green, even newer bands like Anderson Paak & The Free Nationals. I could play that kind of music all day. And you know what? Even in 2016, funk music that was recorded 30, even 40 years ago is still relevant. I mean come on Purple Rain, am I right? Couldn’t you put that album on and listen to it on repeat for hours on end? It’s really sad that Prince is no longer with us. So with that in mind here’s an excellent performance of him playing with Cee Lo Green on the Gnarls Barkley song “Crazy”. The best way to experience Prince is his live material where he just shredded:

Next week, we are going to pay a much more proper tribute to Prince - by pointing out all the idiocy and conspiracy theories surrounding his death, Idiots style! Now with that out of the way, let’s trash talk some folks, particularly that of someone who deserves it. Like Pat Boone. You know, that guy whose CDs your grandparents call “oldies”. So SNL did a parody of the movie God’s Not Dead 2 (which I trash in Idiots #23). And well Pat Boone won’t have any of it. Here’s the sketch in question:

And here’s Pat Boone’s statement:
LOS ANGELES – Pat Boone says last weekend's “Saturday Night Live” parody skit about “God’s Not Dead 2” is offensive to Christians, Jews and homosexuals, and thinks the long-running show is feeding cynicism in America.
“I think a general antipathy toward Christianity…they think it's fair game, like Bill Maher, to just attack and ridicule and literally make fun in light of almost any kind of genuine faith,” Boone told FOX411. “But in this case it’s particularly scurrilous and irresponsible because they presented ‘God’s Not Dead 2’ as if we were dealing with homosexuality or in some way with Christian Judaism conflict and the film has nothing to do with any of that. They made it up totally because they literally wanted to back us (Christians) into a corner on the subject of homosexuality, and of course the film had nothing whatsoever to do with it.”

Wait – whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat??? I never thought I would see the day when a prolific Christian like Pat Boone would be defending the LGBT community! Of course the exact opposite of that is douchebag governor Pat McCrory:

Facing backlash over the state's sweeping anti-LGBT law, North Carolina Gov. Pat McCrory's (R) re-election campaign on Tuesday criticized musicians who have cancelled their shows in the state to protest the law, accusing them of channeling "selective outrage."
Ricky Diaz, a spokesman for McCrory's gubernatorial campaign, wrote in a statement obtained by The Carolina Mercury that "it is the height of hypocrisy for these Hollywood elitists to deny their service to customers over a political disagreement."
"The reality is that while these and other groups unfairly target North Carolina, they often tour and play shows in the 29 other states with similar levels of anti-discrimination protections as North Carolina," Diaz continued. "If you are writing on the selective outrage expressed by these bands in canceling their North Carolina shows, you should also ask if they plan on canceling the shows they’re playing in these states."
The campaign then offered a list of groups that have cancelled show in North Carolina, including Pearl Jam, Boston, and Bruce Springsteen, and called them out for performing in states with similar "non-discrimination laws." Diaz also noted that some of the groups boycotting the state have performed in Singapore and Russia, both of which have harsh laws regarding LGBT rights.

Cue the sad Hulk music:

And where’s Casey Kasem at? Can we get Don on the phone? Ah, Casey there you are! Can you read this for us?

“Pat McCrory, you’re a fucking asshole. You know you could have um… not signed that bill and avoided all of the backlash. But instead… you fucked up. You cannot blame anyone, and you keep insisting on blaming everyone for your colossal fuck up. It’s not selective outrage. It’s not “the left”. No, it’s you, you dirty rotten scumbag.”. And that message was dedicated to the one girl in Raleigh who got her cat… stuck in a tree. I’m Casey Kasem.

But… an actual transwoman on the other hand, actually is planning on going through with a planned show in North Carolina, and that’s Laura Jane Grace of Against Me!

North Carolina has come under fire for its recently-passed Public Facilities Privacy and Security Act, otherwise known as HB2 or the so-called “bathroom law.” The legislation requires North Carolinians to use the bathroom of the gender they were assigned at birth, which advocacy groups have protested as an attack on LGBT rights. Various members of the entertainment industry have joined the protests, including Bruce Springsteen and Ringo Starr, who recently canceled concerts in North Carolina, and porn company xHamster, which shamed some of its hypocritical patrons.

There is one musical act that intends to play in North Carolina as scheduled, though. Against Me! frontwoman Laura Jane Grace is refusing to stay out of North Carolina despite the law, announcing plans to play in Durham next month but with a protest in tow. In a BuzzFeed interview, Grace says the band will perform on May 15, but she plans to work with local activists to create “an event around the show as a form of protest to say that despite whatever stupid laws they enact, trans people are not going to be scared. They are not going to go away.” Grace also put out a call on Twitter for activist groups to help her “table the show.”


Pass the butter, I think I hear fundie heads exploding!

[font size="8"]Curt Shilling [/font]

Curt Shilling. He may be the Red Sox’ savior, but even Boston fans think he’s a raging douchebag. I mean come on, you can stop pretending (rhymes with "pairfloyds" ). We all know what the “bloody sock” was the end result of. Well this week, after Tweeting this last year, it seems that he can’t stop Tweeting raging right wing bullshit. You might remember this Tweet from last year right?

Well this week ESPN finally shit canned him:
Curt Schilling, a former All-Star pitcher and one of the highest-profile baseball analysts on ESPN, was fired from the network Wednesday, a day after he drew intense criticism for promoting offensive commentary on social media.
Schilling, who had worked for the network since 2010 and most recently offered analysis on “Monday Night Baseball,” was dismissed after sharing a Facebook post this week that appeared to respond to the North Carolina law that bars transgender people from using bathrooms and locker rooms that do not correspond with their birth genders.
The post showed an overweight man wearing a wig and women’s clothing with parts of the T-shirt cut out to expose his breasts. It says: “LET HIM IN! to the restroom with your daughter or else you’re a narrow-minded, judgmental, unloving racist bigot who needs to die.”
To that, Schilling added: “A man is a man no matter what they call themselves. I don’t care what they are, who they sleep with, men’s room was designed for the penis, women’s not so much. Now you need laws telling us differently? Pathetic.”
“ESPN is an inclusive company,” ESPN said in a statement. “Curt Schilling has been advised that his conduct was unacceptable and his employment with ESPN has been terminated.

[font size="8"]The Most Florida Story Ever [/font]

It’s hypothetical situation time! Florida Man is so batshit crazy that he has his own Twitter feed and his own Reddit forum. In the state of Florida, you have an 8 year old son. His birthday party is coming up. What do you get him? Well as you can imagine it is Florida. You know, as Homer Simpson called it, America’s wang. And speaking of that, what better Florida way to celebrate an 8 year old birthday party than with strippers?

An unidentified Florida mom is accused of hiring a stripper for her 8-year-old son's birthday after video of the party surfaced on YouTube, according to the New York Post.
Details on the incident are scant. Online sources say the video was recorded in Tampa but so far there is no formal investigation. Authorities in Tampa said they were aware of the video but because the date and location of the party are still uncertain they haven't acted.
Viewers online weren't so forgiving. The video, which shows a woman in light pink undergarments dancing provocatively in front of the boy, has left some commenters disgusted. Screengrabs showing the boy spanking the woman and throwing money at her still exist online but the original YouTube video has been taken down.

And now here’s Dakota! Dakota to the stage… You can make it rain for little 8 year old Dylan’s birthday party! And give him a birthday lap dance why don’t you?

[font size="8"]And Now This: [/font]
[font size="8"]No More Boaty McBoatface [/font]

Sorry folks but the British Government has spoken. Back in Idiots #21, I talked about the British government allowing people to name a $300 million research vessel, and people called it “Boaty McBoatface”. Well, this week the British government put the kibosh on that deal:

The British government has been accused of “riding roughshod over democracy” after it suggested it would not endorse naming a £200 million ($283 million) polar research vessel Boaty McBoatface. The unseemly title was the winner of an online poll launched by the National Environment Research Council (NERC) to name its new polar research ship. The choice has to be endorsed by ministers.

Appearing to pour cold water on the plans, Science Minister Jo Johnson told BBC Radio Five Live on Monday: “There is a process now for us to review all of the public’s choices. Many of them were imaginative, some were more suitable than others.”

By the way Stephen Colbert had a great rebuttal to the British government this week:

But still:

See you next week!

Ed note: I know the Top 10 is taking a week off, but part of the reason why I wanted to do this ½ list is to promote the new Top 10 Twitter feed! You can follow us at @DU_InitechTop10. There’s nothing yet but I can promise you will see the usual Top 10 style come to Twitter with lots of random jokes and crazy stories we are known for! See you back with a brand new list on May 1st!

Today's Non Sequitur Takes A Pot Shot At Donald Trump

Why mourn Prince silently? Let's celebrate Prince's music the right way!

And that is play it loud! Like this from his excellent and underrated album Art Official Age:

Against Me!'s Laura Jane Grace Playing In NC As Act Of Defiance Against HB-2

North Carolina has come under fire for its recently-passed Public Facilities Privacy and Security Act, otherwise known as HB2 or the so-called “bathroom law.” The legislation requires North Carolinians to use the bathroom of the gender they were assigned at birth, which advocacy groups have protested as an attack on LGBT rights. Various members of the entertainment industry have joined the protests, including Bruce Springsteen and Ringo Starr, who recently canceled concerts in North Carolina, and porn company xHamster, which shamed some of its hypocritical patrons.

There is one musical act that intends to play in North Carolina as scheduled, though. Against Me! frontwoman Laura Jane Grace is refusing to stay out of North Carolina despite the law, announcing plans to play in Durham next month but with a protest in tow. In a BuzzFeed interview, Grace says the band will perform on May 15, but she plans to work with local activists to create “an event around the show as a form of protest to say that despite whatever stupid laws they enact, trans people are not going to be scared. They are not going to go away.” Grace also put out a call on Twitter for activist groups to help her “table the show.”


This is kind of the flip side of all the shows in NC getting canceled, and coming from someone who is trans. I support this!

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #24: How’s That Joe Paterno Thing Going? Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #24: How’s That Joe Paterno Thing Going? Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! We got to talk about Kobe’s last game for a minute. Wait – don’t go! Stick around. Holy crap that was incredible, even if you’re not a Lakers fan or even a hater that was some of the best four minutes of basketball I’ve seen in years. Haters, shut up for a minute and let us bask in this one. The Lakers are shit, they will be shit for a while until they get their act together and reorganize. But that farewell game reminded me of why I love the Lakers in the first place. Holy crap, that was some of the best basketball I’ve ever seen. So we got a lot of idiocy to get to. But first my obligatory John Oliver shout out – this week he made light of America’s unbelievably corrupt credit report and background check industry by creating his own fake companies to troll the real ones.

So where do we begin this week? To start with Ted Cruz & Gordon Klingenschmitt (1) are going to take the top spot this week. Gordon Klingenschmitt is certifiably batshit insane, and for some reason Teddy is proud to receive an endorsement from this guy. Taking the second spot is Bill O’Reilly (2). Once again ol’ Bill unintentionally says something racist, then tries to play the “I’m not racist, but…” card. Let’s do some fact checking here. Taking the third spot, former House Speaker Dennis Hastert (3) gets tough on child molesters while admitting to being a child molester. At number 4, Trumpenfuror (4) points out some possible VP picks, and we can’t be shocked here at the Top 10 when they all said “no!”. Taking the 5th slot is Donald Trump Supporters (5) . When Trump takes a shot at Mitt Romney using the last words of Eric Garner, his supporters think a black guy getting killed by police is funny. No it’s not you racist scumbags. Back from a long absence, Alex Jones (6) calls Glenn Beck a cult leader, but Infowars is the biggest cult on the internet. At number 7, watch as Sarah Palin (7) pretends to be a scientist while having a “debate” about climate change with an actual scientist – Bill Nye. Why am I not surprised in the least about this? At number 8, we’re going to talk about an extremely weird story from Ted Cruz’s (8) past when he came home after his honeymoon and bought a very unusual quantity of items. In the 9th seed, it's the end of an era. As Mötley Crüe said "all bad things must come to an end". I’m of course talking about the imminent demise of the guy who defined conservative idiocy – Rush Limbaugh (9). Cue the world’s tiniest violin. Finally for the number 10 spot this week, we have a Top 10 Special Investigative Report (10) for you. So called "religious freedom" laws like North Carolina's HB-2 are sweeping the southern states of this nation. And we here at the top 10 are going to tell you who exactly is being affected by the passing of these "religious freedom" laws which really have nothing to do with religion or freedom, but everything to do with discrimination. But as we go down the wormhole, you will see who the real criminals of this country are, and it's not exactly who you would think. And we’re going to close this edition with a bonus idiot for you. It turns out that Rep. Tom Taylor of Georgia got a DUI and it’s probably the most Georgia thing to happen to that state in a very long time. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[font size="8"]Ted Cruz & Gordon Klingenschmitt[/font]

So for the first entry this week we are going to once again channel John Oliver and ask:

Exorcism. How is this still a thing? And why is it a huge thing in the 2016 election? Why you have Ted Cruz, one of the most batshit crazy candidates getting an endorsement from a guy who claims to be a real-life exorcist. And that’s batshit crazy Christian radio commentator Gordon Klingenschmitt. Really, Klingenschmitt is a conspiracy theorist of the Alex Jones variety – he is about as batshit crazy and tin foil as it gets. Klingenschmitt is Alex Jones with the added bonus f some old fashioned fire and brimstone preaching. So here’s some background on Klingenschmitt:

Gordon "Dr. Chaps" Klingenschmitt, a radical anti-gay Religious Right activist who brags of having once tried to rid of woman of the "foul spirit of lesbianism" through an exorcism and who openly proclaims that "American law needs to reflect God's law" and that our foreign policy must be based on the Bible, won election to the Colorado House of Representatives last night.
Klingenschmitt, who wrote a book about how President Obama is possessed by demons and once performed an exorcism of Obama, ran an utterly embarrassing campaign yet nonetheless managed to defeat his Democratic opponent by nearly 40 points.
Since Klingenschmitt is now officially an elected Republican legislator, it seems like a good opportunity to take a look back at the radical views he will now be bringing into the Colorado legislature.
- See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/meet-dr-chaps-gordon-klingenschmitt-colorados-new-anti-gay-demon-hunting-state-legislator#sthash.X6amUGiy.dpuf

Foul Spirit Of Lesbianism? I think that band got added to the Sahara Tent at Coachella this weekend. I hear they're an awesome EDM act. So here’s a few of Klingenschmitt’s greatest hits:

He has declared that judges who strike down gay marriage bans are "imposing the Devil's law upon people" and are deceiving people into Hell, warning that these rulings will eventually be overturned by Jesus, who will send all gay people to Hell: -

Jesus can override SCOTUS authority? Since when? I mean this dude has a weird obsession with what two consenting adults do in the bedroom. Like an almost psychotic obsession. Honestly he reminds me of the Doomsday Killer from Dexter with a dash of Michael Parks’ character from Kevin Smith’s Red State thrown in for good measure.

Here’s another one, like he says that LGBT people have something “demonic” inside of them:

Gays, he says, have something inhuman and demonic inside of them, which is why he declares that teaching kids about gay marriage is mental rape and advocates for Christians to print anti-gay Bible verses on the backs of gay wedding photos:

Klingenschmitt is playing a really fucked up game of Six Degrees Of Kevin Bacon. Except there’s just one degree, and Kevin Bacon is a gay guy who is possessed by demons. Like:


I have figured it out - Klingenschmitt is chasing demons the same way Joe Arpaio is chasing illegal immigrants. They both know they are not going to catch one, but they keep the invisible boogeyman going because it wins them fans and votes. And here’s my favorite – he actually says that the FCC is allowing “demonic spirits” to “demonize” and “visually rape your children”.

Citing a campaign launched by Morality In Media to ensure that Tom Wheeler, President Obama's nominee to head the Federal Communications Commission, will enforce decency standards, "Dr. Chaps" Gordon Klingenschmitt said on his "Pray In Jesus Name" show that demonic spirits are using lax FCC enforcement of these standards to "molest and visually rape your children."

See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/klingenschmitt-fcc-letting-demonic-spirits-molest-and-visually-rape-your-children#sthash.vJob1h0F.dpuf

This guy is an elected representative. I will repeat that: this guy is an elected representative. This guy is an elected representative. This guy is an elected representative. This guy is an elected representative. This guy is an elected representative. This guy is an elected representative. This guy is an elected representative. This guy is an elected representative. No matter how many times I say it, it still sounds weird. Who in their right fucking mind would vote for this guy to have any sort of position of power? What the... I... I can't... I don't... what the fuck!!!

Yeah so why am I bringing all this up now? Because there’s a certain individual who is running for the republican nomination that is going so far out of his way to prove that he’s the more godly candidate than the next and that’s Ted Cruz:

We have noted several times before that there seems to be no activist who is too extreme to be embraced by Ted Cruz's presidential campaign, so we were not particularly surprised when the Texas senator recently announced that infamous demon-hunting, anti-gay exorcist/state legislator Gordon Klingenschmitt would be part of his Colorado leadership team.
"I am honored to have the support of so many courageous conservatives in Colorado," Cruz said in a press release celebrating the formation of "his Colorado Leadership Team with the endorsement of 25 current and former elected officials and key grassroots leaders," including Klingenschmitt.
Some might recognize Klingenschmitt from a Daily Show segment just last week in which his ignorance and bigotry were on full display, but for those unfamiliar with "Dr. Chaps," as he likes to be called, allow us to fill you in.
- See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/ted-cruz-honored-have-support-colorados-demon-hunting-anti-gay-exorcist-state-legislator-gor#sthash.yPtgaTFn.dpuf

Yeah Ted Cruz is “honored” to receive an endorsement from this guy. The Daily Show by the way did an epic job of taking down Klingenschmitt’s bullshit. I love Jessica Williams:

With friends like these though, who needs enemies? And let’s not forget that this is the group that wants to arm its’ congregation to protect itself from… something. What it is, we’re not exactly clear of:

Gov. Phil Bryant has signed into law a bill that allows some members of churches to undergo firearms training so they can provide armed security for their congregations.

The Church Protection Act specifies that those designated can carry guns into church buildings. It also allows people to carry holstered weapons without a permit.

Republican State Representative Andy Gipson of Braxton says the law gives small congregations an option to defend themselves against attack. He proposed the bill as a response to the slayings last year of nine people at a church in Charleston, South Carolina.

Read more: http://nypost.com/2016/04/15/mississippi-governor-signs-law-allowing-armed-church-members/

[font size="8"]Bill O’Reilly[/font]

Bill O’Reilly. Your racist uncle’s racist uncle. We have talked so much about racism and white supremacy since the Top 10 began. But what happens when republicans try to play the “I’m not a racist, but…” card? So here’s the thing, republicans, side skirting the issue of whether or not you’re a gigantic racist doesn’t help your case. In fact when you say “I’m not racist but/because…” you sir, are a huge, gigantic racist! Here’s what happened.
BILL O'REILLY (HOST): Now this week, the city of Philadelphia is formally apologizing for the way they treated Jackie Robinson. With us now here in New York City, Ken Burns, director of the PBS documentary. We'll get to your program in a moment, but there's a poll out today that says 35 percent of Americans, in a Gallup survey, say they're extremely worried about the state of race relations. That's up from 28 percent in 2015. In one year. And President Obama, obviously, has not brought the country together. You think its that bad?
KEN BURNS: I think its pretty bad, I think its always been pretty bad. I think people have been divided by race in this country since the very, very beginning. you know, we'd like to think our better angels are called at every occasion, and often they are. Remember when the president sang at the Charleston memorial, Amazing Grace, that was written by an ex-slaver who had gone blind, we think of that. Also, some of these old guilts also metastasize into anger and distrust of other people, and I think that's sort of come to the fore recently --
O'REILLY: Yeah, see, I don't see that in my world. And my world is a fairly expansive one. I don't know any racists. I don't know anybody, on either black or white people, who don't like, like our staff here is integrated, and my assistant is black, she's been with me for 25 years. I just never see this.

Wow. Did I read that right? Bill O'Reilly claims he doesn't know any racists? Are you shitting me? They're Fox News' target audience! And most hardcore racists are Donald Trump supporters! Like 99%! Did I say 99%? And I don’t count the guy who hates Washington insiders. No, he wants a Washington outsider! And he doesn’t even know what that means, but he’s going to vote that way, damn it! So Bill O’Reilly claims he’s not racist? Well let’s go down the wormhole, shall we?

BILL O'REILLY (HOST): How are you going to get jobs for them? Many of them are ill-educated and have tattoos on their foreheads and I hate to be generalized about it but it's true. If you look at all the educational statistics, how are you going to give jobs to people who aren't qualified for jobs?


BILL O'REILLY (HOST): Now, Chicago over the weekend, eight dead, 45 wounded. This sounds like Afghanistan, does it not? Forthy-five wounded. Eight dead. Now, we have reported this scores of times -- nothing ever improves in the city of Chicago. Nothing. And you know why? Because these deaths are in the black precincts. If they were in the white precincts, on the miracle mile, OK,this would never happen. So this is real racism, you Black Lives Matter fools. This is what racism really is. So Guilfoyle, why doesn't it get better?


Discussing his recent dinner with Rev. Al Sharpton at the Harlem restaurant Sylvia's, Bill O'Reilly reported that he "couldn't get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia's restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it's run by blacks, primarily black patronship." O'Reilly added: "There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, 'M-Fer, I want more iced tea.' "


For some reason, I really want to now go to a restaurant where someone says “motherfucker, I want some more ice tea”. “Hi, welcome to fucking Applebees, what the shit can I get you?” “I’d like that motherfucking cheeseburger quesadilla shit, and hold that ass pico de gallo, fucking please! And I’d like a motherfucking Coors Light to wash that shit down with!” There should be more swearing in restaurants am I right about that?

I found all that just by clicking a few links on Media Matters. Bill O’Reilly claims he’s not racist? He is a definite, bonafied, certified fucking racist douchebag.

[font size="8"]Dennis Hastert [/font]

Thank god this guy is no longer speaker of the house. But seriously though you can’t fault a guy for owning up to his mistakes. But this gets weirder and weirder, and the more republicans try to get out of sex scandals the worse it gets for them.

Dennis Hastert's lawyer today said the former speaker of the House acknowledges that "as a young man he committed transgressions," and said he apologizes, one day after federal prosecutors revealed disturbing new details about sexual abuse he allegedly committed decades ago.
The 26-page filing released late Friday accuses the man who was once second in line for the presidency of a series of sexual encounters with four minors when Hastert was a high school wrestling coach in Illinois in the late 1960s and 1970s, and then of trying to lie about it when confronted by the FBI.
"Mr. Hastert acknowledges that as a young man he committed transgressions for which he is profoundly sorry. He earnestly apologizes to his former students, family, friends, previous constituents and all others affected by the harm his actions have caused," Hastert attorney Thomas Green said in a statement released today.

Whoa whoa whoa… let’s stop there for a minute. How is a “few sexual encouters with four minors” a “little transgression”? I mean remember that guy who threw the alligator in the Wendy’s drive thru (see: Idiots #15 ) ? That was a “little transgression”. This is a serious, colossal fuck up involving the guy who is, I don’t know, A FORMER SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES!!!! Let’s continue.

Federal prosecutors, in detailing the allegations publicly for the first time, accused Hastert of “stunning hypocrisy,” noting that he had built his early political career largely on the foundation of his work as a teacher, coach and mentor to his students.
Of his alleged victims, the prosecutors wrote that Hastert “made them feel alone, ashamed, guilty and devoid of dignity. While defendant achieved great success, reaping all the benefits that went with it, these boys struggled, and all are still struggling now with what defendant did to them."

I love those words there – “stunning hypocrisy”. I mean Hastert is the kind of hypocritical republican that you hear about just about every minute of every day. But this type of thing just doesn’t help Hastert’s case at all:
During nearly 30 years as a state and federal lawmaker, Dennis Hastert presented himself as a champion of children ...
In Congress, Hastert supported the Child Abuse Prevention and Enforcement Act of 2000, which among other measures, sought to prevent and punish the sexual abuse of minors.
“... it is equally important to stop those predators before they strike, to put repeat child molesters into jail for the rest of their lives ..."

Now, prosecutors say Hastert sexually abused five students decades ago when he was a high school teacher and wrestling coach at Yorkville High School.


[font size="8"]Donald Trump [/font]

So this happened:


This brings up a lot of questions. Mainly did Donald Trump even know where he was? I mean he wasn’t even at Penn State! He was at the University of Pittsburgh! Wrong side of the state! I mean did he even bother to do any research about what happened? Does he know about the child molester Jerry Sandusky? Does any of that ring a bell?

PITTSBURGH -- Donald Trump's question about Joe Paterno left people baffled.

Speaking to a crowd of supporters in Pittsburgh on Wednesday, Trump asked about Joe Paterno and said, "How's Joe Paterno? We gonna bring that back?"

Paterno died in 2012.

But what’s even funnier about this? Trumpenfuror’s representatives are actually saying that he was referring to Joe Paterno’s *STATUE* at Penn State University. And none of this matters because he was at the University of Pittsburgh, and has nothing to do with Penn State University:

"How's Joe Paterno?" Trump asked supporters. "Are we gonna bring that back? Right? ... How about that whole deal?"

A campaign spokeswoman later confirmed that the GOP presidential front-runner wasn't talking about Paterno himself but about his statue, which was removed from outside the football stadium four years ago, angering students and many alumni.

The statue was taken down after a university-commissioned report accused the late coach and three administrators of concealing sex abuse claims against Sandusky, a claim Paterno's family denies.

In February, two artists involved in producing the Paterno statue said they're working on two new statues of the coach in a secret location.


So moving on to other Trumpenfuror news – did you see this about his possible picks for vice president?

Little Marco? The guy who compared Trump's small hands to his penis size.

Scott Walker? The guy Trump whose record as governor Trump attacked all over Wisconsin

John Kasich? Would supposedly the only adult in the room actually even consider playing second fiddle to Donald Trump?


And if you guessed John Kasich, Scott Walker and Marco Rubio all declined, you are 100% correct sir / madam! You get points!

Donald Trump, in an interview with USA TODAY, floated the names of current and former rivals as potential vice presidents in a Trump administration, but none so far seems to want to have anything to do with the New York real estate mogul.

“Zero chance,” Ohio Gov. John Kasich said Tuesday on CBSThis Morning. “Look, I am running for president of the United States, and that’s it.”


But could it have something to do with this?

For Americans of nearly every race, gender, political persuasion and location, disdain for Donald Trump runs deep, saddling the Republican front-runner with unprecedented unpopularity as he tries to overcome recent campaign setbacks.

Seven in 10 people, including close to half of Republican voters, have an unfavorable view of Trump, according to a new Associated Press-GfK poll. It's an opinion shared by majorities of men and women; young and old; conservatives, moderates and liberals; and whites, Hispanics and blacks - a devastatingly broad indictment of the billionaire businessman.

Read more: http://www.cbsnews.com/news/poll-seven-in-10-people-hold-unfavorable-view-of-donald-trump/

[font size="8"]Donald Trump Supporters [/font]

Donald Trump supporters are every bit as stupid and batshit crazy as their leader is, and just like their leader, they seem to get worse by the day. So during a rally in New York City this week, at a venue that’s not too far from where Eric Garner was brutally gunned down and the latest victim of police brutality in a long string of victims of police brutality this happened:

Republican front-runner Donald Trump decided a visit to New York would be a good time to try out his comedy routine by delivering a stunningly tasteless joke at the expense of a man who had been recently killed nearby by New York police.

In a performance that recalled the time he mocked a physically disabled reporter, Trump cast his arch-nemesis Mitt Romney in the role of police brutality victim Eric Garner because, as Trump tells it, both were known for “choking.”...

The moment stunned reporters on scene, but what was perhaps even more surprising was the response Trump got from his fans. Rather than find the idea of aping the words of a man who recently died just a few miles away repulsive, the crowd of Trump-heads roared with laughter. The mockery was the funniest thing they had ever seen.

Like every offensive thing Trump does, this may have been a finely-tuned tactical maneuver. For many in New York, the story of Eric Garner’s senseless death is still raw and infuriating, but the small but vocal Fox News crowd has always taken a different opinion on it. In the aftermath of Garner’s death, Fox repeatedly booked guests who pushed the idea that Garner deserved it.

I really have no words for this, except for:

But I will again remind Trump supporters of what they’re voting for. Garbage in, garbage out.

[font size="8"]Alex Jones [/font]

Alex Jones. No really he’s the punchline to the punchline. And any time you should get into a debate with an Infowars follower, get out immediately. They are some of the most horrible people across the political spectrum. Most of the shit he says half the time makes absolutely no sense. He’s just a mouthpiece with a microphone and an excuse to spout conspiracy theory bullshit, but perhaps the best part about this story is that it’s an absolutely classic case of the pot calling the kettle black. It’s no secret to Infowars fans that Alex Jones and Glenn Beck have had a long standing feud over who is the more insane conspiracy theorist. But Alex Jones took another shot at Glenn Beck this week:

The feud between Glenn Beck and Alex Jones is extremely amusing for us here at Right Wing Watch, considering that they are two of the most prominent faces of paranoid, conspiratorial thinking in the conservative media. But, according to Jones, their similarities are no accident because Beck is an actor who was trained to present himself as a “mixture of Oprah Winfrey and Alex Jones.”

“The cult leader, Glenn Beck, he is now an official religious cult leader,” Jones said. “He’s the false prophet and his messiah is Ted Cruz.” Jones called Beck a “cynical, twisted, weirdo” who “will end up destroying himself. He is an egomaniac, super-narcissist, probably psychotic, in my view, and he’s insane and wants to be a cult leader.” “Moses has returned, you didn’t know?” Jones said sarcastically. “The two prophets of Revelation, it’s Ted Cruz and Glenn Beck, you didn’t know? He says it’s a priesthood he’s starting. Oh yeah? Oh really? The liberal, hardcore shock jock that was hired right before 9/11 and gotten ready to come out to be the synthetic Alex Jones? I’ve been told that by the executives involved where they sat — and he’s an actor — and watched weeks of my videos and shows and said, ‘Take this and mix it with Oprah.’ That’s what I was told by the executives that used to run his operation. He’s a mixture of Oprah Winfrey and Alex Jones, all in a big, weird doughboy’s body. A cult leader. A Nellie high priest. Scared to death, by the way, dozens of security people.”

- See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/alex-jones-blasts-psychotic-cult-leader-glenn-beck#sthash.IoZnfEqf.dpuf

So Glenn Beck is a cult leader? Somehow I don’t think Beck has enough charisma to be a cult leader. But Alex Jones might. Let’s run through the checklist, shall we? I found this from [link: http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2014/06/the-seven-signs-youre-in-a-cult/361400/ | The Atlantic]. And well, you be the judge.

[font size="8"]Sarah Palin [/font]

Thank you John McCain. You gave us the one political celebrity who should have had her 15 minutes up a long time ago. So Sarah Palin has been in the news a lot lately, mainly because of the idea that a debate between her and actual scientist Bill Nye is going to happen. But originally Palin had backed out of the project:

Turns out grifters gotta grift only if actual facts aren't involved. Bi-Partisan Report, emphasis added:
The half-term Republican governor of Alaska isn’t known for much except publicly spewing verbal diarrhea and endorsing the likes of Donald Trump. Why would she be speaking about climate change? Well, turns out, she’s not. The infamous (and not for good reason) Sarah Palin has chickened out of “debating” with “Bill Nye the Science Guy” in person, and has opted for some kind of pre-recorded video conversation instead.
Really? Quitty McQuitter is just gonna phone it in? That's a real shame.
I have to assume wiser heads told her the few wingnuts still buying her brand aren't interested in a "debate" over climate science. Just put Jesus on that dinosaur and ride.

What could have been a very interesting and also very one sided debate instead is devolving into a pre recorded video conversation between Palin and Bill Nye. But instead Palin took the gloves and belt off and now it’s going down:

Climate change denier Sarah Palin: 'Bill Nye is as much a scientist as I am'

Of all the causes Sarah Palin has embraced in her varied career as hockey mom, Alaska governor, Republican vice-presidential nominee, Fox television commentator and Donald Trump supporter, none perhaps may be as bold or – as she still likes to say, “rogue” – as trying to take down a much-beloved children’s television personality: Bill Nye the Science Guy.

But that was where hardcore climate change denial landed Palin on Thursday: a wood-panelled committee room in Congress where she disputed the credentials of a hugely popular science educator who has designed devices for Nasa and been awarded several honorary degrees.

“Bill Nye is as much a scientist as I am,” Palin told the gathering. “He’s a kids’ show actor. He’s not a scientist.”

And that was not even the low point of the event.

The occasion was the premiere for the Climate Hustle, a film that dismisses global warming as an excuse for government takeover and makes the outrageously false claim that rising carbon emissions are beneficial.

Wow, dick move Sarah. See, Sarah, here's the thing - you can call yourself a "scientist" all you want. 7-11 can market a $2 chicken sandwich and call it "awesome" all they want. The simple fact of the matter is that neither of these things are true. I mean look - it even says "awesomeness guaranteed" in the ad!

But you know how I know the latter isn't true? Because it's a chicken sandwich that costs $2 at fucking 7-11!!!!! I can guarantee that what you get when you pay that $2 is a patty made of some kind of chicken substance and a sauce that is full of sugar and high fructose corn syrup. So if 7-11 can market a chicken sandwich for $2 and call it "awesome" all they want, then sure, Sarah Palin can call herself a "scientist"!

[font size="8"]Ted Cruz [/font]

If there’s anyone on the campaign trail that’s even more deplorable and despicable than Donald Trump, it’s Ted Cruz. What to me is worrisome about Ted Cruz, is that he is about as batshit crazy as Donald Trump is. But unlike Donald Trump Ted Cruz adds some extremely insane right wing religious end times theories to his repertoire. And take a look at the popularity polls – CNN indicates that Cruz ranks just a few points above Trumpenfuror’s unpopularity ratings:

Cruz faces a smaller but still significant gap, with a 53% unfavorable rating compared to to 26% reporting favorable opinions. Cruz also faces less intense dislike, as only 33% check "strongly unfavorable."
Kasich, meanwhile, is viewed favorably and unfavorably by an equal share of Americans, at 39%. But he's also lesser known -- 22% have no opinion of him.
Trump and Cruz are popular with just over a majority of Republicans -- at 56% and 58% each -- however, the poll also found deep divisions persist within the party. More than half (52%) of Cruz supporters report an unfavorable opinion of Trump, while 51% of Trump backers says the same about Cruz.

But even look at this clip from the Jimmy Kimmel show where he talks about how much he is disliked by his fellow senators;

With that said we’re going to delve into Teddy’s past for this entry. He is even more batshit crazy than I had originally suspected. While being interviewed, Ted’s wife Heidi dropped this insane story from an interview on CNN’s town hall:
Here is the story Heidi shared with the audience, a story which I guess she thought would humanize him, but instead grossed many people out.
"When I married Ted, we got back from our honeymoon, and he went off to the store and came home by himself. And I was completely shocked to see that he arrived back at our apartment with literally 100 cans of Campbell’s Chunky soup. I never bought 100 of anything.
This was shocking to me, so we had a tough conversation about it. I said, “You don’t buy 100 of anything, much less canned soup. We can’t do this. I’ll be making things.” He said, “No, I know you. you won’t be making things.”
So the next morning, it was a weekend morning, I loaded up our car before he woke up and returned every single can. And when I got home, I called my mother just to make sure I’d done the right thing as a newlywed. And she emphatically disagreed with me. And so when Ted opened the pantry, I had to quickly tell him that I would go back and buy those cans again."

What the what?

100 soup cans? Seriously what the hell does one go out and buy 100 soup cans for unless they’re building a soup can pyramid, or maybe preparing for the zombie apocalypse? I mean this just raises about 100 million questions. This is seriously one of those stories where if you contemplate it for too long, your head will do this:

[font size="8"]Rush Limbaugh [/font]

You know it’s not in my nature to kick a man when he’s down. But when you consider that Rush Limbaugh made a whole fucking 40 year career out of doing exactly that, I think it’s perfectly OK to rub some salt on the wound, don’t you? So let’s cue up the Sad Hulk Music and read this in your best Casey Kasem voice:

One of the favorite pastimes for sports fans is commiserating over the worst contract their home team ever made; guffawing over management’s decision to waste tens of millions of dollars for a player who never justified the huge payday. (See: Gilbert Arenas.)

For talk radio, there’s probably only one contract that enters that realm of notoriety: Rush Limbaugh’s eight-year, $400-million deal, signed in the summer of 2008 with his longtime radio employer Premiere Radio Networks.

Owned by Clear Channel Communications, which has since changed its name to iHeartRadio, Premiere’s Limbaugh deal instantly dwarfed any payout in AM/FM history. (Only Howard Stern’s contract with Sirius was larger.) The contract, which included a staggering $100 million signing bonus, never panned out as the wheels began to come off Limbaugh’s radio empire.

This year, his contract is up and the timing couldn’t be worse. The talker is facing ratings hurdles, aging demographics, and an advertising community that increasingly views him as toxic, thanks in part to his days-long sexist meltdown over Sandra Fluke in 2012. (He’s also stumbling through the GOP primary season.)


Hey I’m an LA Angels fan. My team is paying Josh Hamilton $50 fucking million to play for the rival Texas Rangers!!!! Don’t get me started on bad contracts! But nothing is worse than what Clear channel was paying Rush Limbaugh. I mean $400 million to spout hate, ignorance, and bullshit to Americans who feed on hate, ignorance and bullshit, is well, fitting that he fell flat on his face after that sexist tirade against Sandra Fluke.

[font size="8"]Top 10 Special Report [/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, LGBT and gender non conformers, we have a Top 10 Special Investigative Report. Hit it!

To open this Top 10 Special Report, we are going to talk about republicans, creepy sex talk, and the controversial North Carolina anti-transgender bathroom law, aka HB-2. See our team of crack journalists and researchers, and journalists and researchers on crack, want to bring you some hard hitting investigative journalism. But before we dive into this thing head first, we’re first going to explore their mind set. Look who North Carolina governor Pat McCrory is blaming for reaction to his HB-2 "bathroom bill" law. Why if you guessed it's us you are correct!

NC Gov. Pat McCrory: 'It Was The Left That Brought About The Bathroom Bill'

North Carolina Gov. Pat McCrory (R) blamed liberals over the weekend for a state law that strips bathroom rights from transgender people.

On Sunday's edition of Meet the Press, host Chuck Todd asked the governor if he regretted signing HB2 after 160 companies called for it to be repealed, and dozens threatened to boycott the state.

McCrory argued that his job as governor was to stop "government overreach" by cities like Charlotte, which had passed an ordinance allowing transgender people to use the restroom of their choice.

"It was the left that brought about the bathroom bill, not the right," he insisted. "The city of Charlotte passed a mandate on every private sector employer in North Carolina, one of the largest cities in the United States of America. And I think that's government overreach."

You tell 'em, Mr. President!

But why? Why did governor McCrory go there and blame the left for these bullshit "religious freedom" bills when they're really the product of the right wing all over the country? We all know these bullshit laws have nothing to do with "religion" or "freedom" but everything to do with discrimination. And there's some people who just don't get it. Remember a couple of weeks ago when I reported that Caitlyn Jenner wanted to be the “Trans Ambassador” for Ted Cruz, despite that such a position did not exist (see Idiots #21) ? Well Ted Cruz has finally let his stance on Trans issues be known, and it’s something that won’t exactly please Ms. Jenner as a trans woman:

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) said Thursday that he supports North Carolina lawmakers' push to keep transgender people from using the bathroom that aligns with their gender identity.

Cruz said laws requiring people to use the restroom that corresponds to the sex on their birth certificate makes sense because "men should not be going to the bathroom with little girls," according to the Associated Press.

"That is a perfectly reasonable determination for the people to make," Cruz said during a pre-taped town hall with MSNBC on Thursday, according to the AP.

Cruz's comment echoes the reasoning North Carolina Gov. Pat McCrory (R) has used while scrambling to defend the sweeping anti-LGBT law he signed into law last month. State lawmakers passed the legislation in response to a Charlotte ordinance that expanded anti-discrimination protections to gay and transgender people and allowed people to use the restroom that aligns with their gender identity.

Read more: http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/ted-cruz-supports-hb2-north-carolina

Yes it’s perfectly fine for Tennessee and North Carolina to enact these horrifying and humiliating laws that bring a crazy conspiracy theory from a South Park episode to life:

That’s right. So it’s not OK but if you saw the end of entry #1 this week it’s perfectly OK by their standards for congregation members to be armed to the teeth to protect themselves. Probably from themselves. At least that’s my theory. But then John Kasich had to go and be insanely creepy and weird when it comes to sex talk. Here’s what he told a female college student in upstate New York:

Ohio Gov. John Kasich on Friday told a young female college student, who said she was worried about sexual harassment and violence, that she should avoid parties with a lot of alcohol.

Democrats pounced on the remark, saying Kasich was "blaming victims of sexual and domestic violence." But the Ohio governor rejected that idea, saying he was only warning to be careful in situations involving alcohol because "it obscures the ability of people to seek justice."

The young woman, a first-year student at St. Lawrence University in Canton, New York, had asked the Ohio governor at a town hall here how he would help her "feel safer and more secure regarding sexual violence, harassment and rape" as president.

"Well I would give you, I'd also give you one bit of advice. Don't go to parties where there's a lot of alcohol. OK? Don't do that," Kasich said as the audience applauded.

Read more: http://www.cnn.com/2016/04/15/politics/john-kasich-no-alcohol-parties/index.html

But that’s not the first time Kasich has been weird and creepy about sex. You might remember this happening several weeks ago during a campaign stop in Ohio as well. This is the republican mentality on rape and sex. Victim blaming. So North Carolina and their passing of HB-2 has been all over the news for the last few weeks. And everyone and everything has been coming out against the bill. I mean look what happened just last week:

A popular porn site is blocking some North Carolinians' access to its material due to the state’s law preventing cities from banning discrimination against the LGBT community.
The porn site, xHamster, tweeted on Monday that it was “blacking out access for North Carolina” because of newly passed House Bill 2, which also dictates which public restrooms transgender men and women can use.
When users with a North Carolina IP address visit the website they will be asked if they support the anti-LGBT law, xHamster Chief Marketing Officer, Alexander D. Hawkins, said in an email. If they choose in the affirmative they will be blocked from the site, he said.

I mean what good is North Carolina if its’ perverts can’t access their online porno? And how is this going to affect their college fraternities? But here’s where it gets weird, and I mean really weird. Fortune Magazine listed the statistics of what North Carolinians search for:

“I think that porn has the power to do what Bruce Springsteen can’t,” Mike Kulich, a spokesperson for the company, told the Huffington Post. When North Carolinians visit the site now, they will only be welcomed with a blank page, which Kulich said will soon be replaced with a petition calling for HB2 to be repealed.
Kulich added that, according to the site’s statistics, North Carolina’s taste in porn is more open minded than the passing of the HB2 law would suggest—in March, viewers from the state searched the term “Gay” 319,907 times and “Transsexual” about 400,000 times.

Wait – whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? 400,000 searches for “transsexual” and 320,000 searches for “gay”? What are they trying to tell us exactly? I mean how can North Carolina pass a law that condemns what so many people search for when they’re doing the unspeakable with the lights turned off? Well it’s not just North Carolina – lots of states including Tennessee and Mississippi have enacted some absolutely horrific and terrifying anti-trans bills either signed or about to be signed. But here’s where the republican party loses their collective shit over sexual matters. To give you some background this is what happens when people have too much free time and dangerous ideologues screaming in their ears:

Christian author and publisher Mack Major warned over the weekend that “Christian women are losing their salvation” by using dildos, which he called a “direct path to Satan.”

“Too many Christian women are losing their salvation because they masturbate,” Mack wrote on the Eden Decoded Facebook page. “Dildos and all of those other sex toys have been used for thousands of years in demonic sex rituals. It’s one of the main ways ancient pagan societies worshiped their demonic gods.”

“Masturbation is a direct path to Satan,” he added. “There’s nothing normal about it. And shame on any Christian that says so.”

Sometimes you have to laugh, sometimes you just want to bang your head against the wall. Excuse me a minute…

So coming back to Ted Cruz, he wants to ban masturbation entirely – and I wish I was making this up!


Getting attention today: The court case in which Republican now-presidential candidate Ted Cruz, then the Texas solicitor general, ferociously defended the state's law barring the sale of dildos.

The brief insisted that Texas in order to protect "public morals" had "police-power interests" in "discouraging prurient interests in sexual gratification, combating the commercial sale of sex, and protecting minors." There was a "government" interest, it maintained, in "discouraging...autonomous sex." The brief compared the use of sex toys with "hiring a willing prostitute or engaging in consensual bigamy," and it equated advertising these products with the commercial promotion of prostitution. In perhaps the most noticeable line of the brief, Cruz's office declared, "There is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one's genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship."

Wait – a demonic portal to hell you say? *gets out Portal HUD*

Thank you Cave Johnson. Yes. Sex toys are like hiring a prostitute. And you know what? Ted Cruz takes as much of a batshit insane stance on sex and masturbation like the above story:


Getting attention today: The court case in which Republican now-presidential candidate Ted Cruz, then the Texas solicitor general, ferociously defended the state's law barring the sale of dildos.

The brief insisted that Texas in order to protect "public morals" had "police-power interests" in "discouraging prurient interests in sexual gratification, combating the commercial sale of sex, and protecting minors." There was a "government" interest, it maintained, in "discouraging...autonomous sex." The brief compared the use of sex toys with "hiring a willing prostitute or engaging in consensual bigamy," and it equated advertising these products with the commercial promotion of prostitution. In perhaps the most noticeable line of the brief, Cruz's office declared, "There is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one's genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship."

Wait – dildos are forbidden to purchase in Texas? But what about cock rings?

But Ted Cruz's roommate came forward with a story today that's just about as bizarre as him buying 100 cans of chunky chicken soup:

Craig Mazin, a Los Angeles screenwriter and film maker, has made headlines in recent months for commenting on his unhappy time spent as the Texas senator’s college room mate.

According to Mother Jones, Cruz’s office argued in 2007 that “there is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one’s genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship.”

Mazin quickly responded to Cruz’s reported comments on Wednesday:

Ted Cruz thinks people don't have a right to "stimulate their genitals." I was his college roommate. This would be a new belief of his.


Ted Cruz did not have a dildo stashed under his pillow. Ted Cruz slept on top of his pillow.


So did Ted Cruz sleep with a giant dildo under his pillow? That is the question on the table here! And I really honestly don't want to know the answer to that. Maybe that’s because they read too much into Time Magazine’s recent expose on internet porn and what happens when kids grow up with it. And we come full circle on this investigation here. See, this is what republicans like those at UNC want with HB-2. But who is the greater danger and a public threat to women? Why it’s not trans people.

A Republican state lawmaker in Tennessee who is pushing to strip transgender people of bathroom rights has been found to be a danger to “unsuspecting women.”

Last week, Tennessee House Speaker Beth Harwell exiled state Rep. Jeremy Durham from his offices at the War Memorial Building and limited his access to other areas after Attorney General Herbert Slatery issued a warning that the lawmaker’s behavior posed “a continuing risk to unsuspecting women who are employed by or interact with the legislature.”

Slatery’s office is leading an investigation into multiple sexual harassment complaints against Durham. Although the investigation is not complete, Slatery said that the warning was necessary because of information learned during interviews with 34 different women.


Yes! The lawmakers themselves are a bigger danger than what they are accusing others of doing! I mean what about that part in the Bible that says “Do unto others”? Oh wait – they only “do unto others” when it’s something that they accuse the others of. Like this:

Indiana House Majority Leader Judson “Jud” McMillin, who cosponsored the state’s contentious religious freedom law, resigned Tuesday after an explicit video starring McMillin was sent via text message from his phone to all of his phone contacts, including legislative officials.

McMillin’s resignation comes after the house leader reached out to his phone contacts explaining his phone was stolen in Canada and to disregard any messages they received within the period that it went missing. However, an explicit video of McMillin with another woman, who isn’t his wife, surfaced and McMillin resigned without publicly acknowledging the video. However, this isn’t the first time McMillin has resigned over sexual misconduct; an expose on McMillin revealed that in 2011 the lawmaker attempted to coerce a domestic violence victim into a sexual relationship amongst damning petty theft allegations and vehicular homicide charges.

Guess you can file that one under “What goes around comes around!”

[font size="8"]Bonus Idiot: [/font]
[font size="8"]Everything Wrong With America In One Story: [/font]

Allow me to channel the CinemaSins Youtube channel for a minute. OK you’re a state representative and you’re running for reelection. But you’re caught in a DUI situation, which is made worse by the fact that you have a gun and not one, not two, not three, but four kids in the car? What do you do?

A Georgia Republican faces a new challenge in his re-election campaign after his arrest on drunken driving charges.
State Rep. Tom Taylor (R-Dunwoody) was stopped April 7 for driving 72 mph in a 45-mph zone with four children in his vehicle, reported the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
The 54-year-old Taylor had a blood-alcohol content of .225, which is nearly three times higher than the legal limit of .08, and was legally carrying a gun on his hip at the time of his arrest.
“I profoundly regret this serious mistake,” Taylor said in a statement. “There’s no one to blame but me, and I greatly appreciate the professionalism of the officers involved. This was my first run-in with the law in my life, and it will also be my last.”
Police said Taylor, who is facing a May 24 primary challenge from Republican Tom Owens, smelled strongly of alcohol and had bloodshot eyes but denied having anything to drink.

So let’s run through the checklist, shall we? Possession of a firearm? Check. Driving under the influence? Check. Driving under the influence with children present? Check. And denying that you did all those things when you were caught with your pants down? Checkity check check! You may think to call this story “reckless endangerment of children and a false representation of our elected representatives”. Well, I call it “the single most Georgia story that has ever existed”!

We are going to be taking a much needed week off next week, but we’ll back on May 1st with an all new 25th edition, and we will be bringing back the Wheel O’Corruption. See you in two weeks!

Donald Trump's Possible VP Picks All Decline

Donald Trump, in an interview with USA TODAY, floated the names of current and former rivals as potential vice presidents in a Trump administration, but none so far seems to want to have anything to do with the New York real estate mogul.

“Zero chance,” Ohio Gov. John Kasich said Tuesday on CBSThis Morning. “Look, I am running for president of the United States, and that’s it.”

Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker, who dropped out of the Republican presidential field in September citing hopes that others would do the same in order to stop Trump, seemed taken aback. Patrick Marley of The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, a member of the USA TODAY Network, was there Monday shortly after he learned about Trump’s comments.

" 'I literally just heard it in the car and I said — I laughed — it's kind of interesting to hear that after the things that were said about me a couple weeks ago,' Walker said. 'But I'm focused on being the governor of the state of Wisconsin. ... That's not even on my radar and it certainly wouldn't be with — I guess I was shocked more than anything to hear that.'

"He added: 'I can't even fathom that. Like I said, it's almost breathtaking that I was listed in the first place.' "


John Oliver Highlights Problems With America's Credit Report Industry By Creating Fake Companies

John Oliver took a break from bashing GOP front-runner Donald Trump Sunday to look at the credit report industry, and the comedian's report was far from flattering.

Oliver spent nearly 20 minutes of Sunday's episode of his HBO show "Last Week Tonight" examining various problems with the companies that issue credit reports for job applications, loans or housing. He found that rampant errors on the reports often force people to deal with enormous obstacles in their daily lives.

Oliver recounted story after story of people whose credit reports mixed them up with similarly named people, featured other people's debt, included inaccurate criminal records — one poor man's credit report mistakenly labeled him a terrorist — or, worse, declared the person dead! According to Oliver's research, the credit companies claim their reports are accurate 95 percent of the time, a stat the companies proudly tout but which the comedian pointed out is actually quite alarming.

"When you are holding records for more than 200 million individuals, that five percent error rate affects 10 million people," Oliver explained. "They’re basically saying, 'Great news, everyone, we only f----- up a group equivalent to the entire population of Sweden! We’re the greatest!'"


Here are the links:


Also don't forget to check out the winners of his Yankees 25 cent seat contest:

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #23: Wheel O’ Corruption 2: Money Never Sleeps Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #23: Wheel O’ Corruption 2: Money Never Sleeps Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! This might be our biggest edition ever. How about that finish from Villanova, huh, am I right about that? Holy shit that was amazing! I mean a shot like that only comes around once in a lifetime. A 3 pointer literally at the buzzer when it could have gone into overtime. Congratulations to Villanova, you guys definitely earned this one! UNC, you can rest easier knowing that your championship gear will be going to cloth starving African children. I can’t make that joke enough, sorry. And you know what – baseball is back! I went to Angels opening day this year but saw them flame out to the Chicago Cubs. Oh well. But enough of the intro this week, we have a lot of idiocy to get to and I start with John Oliver’s excellent expose of local campaign finance and how crazy it’s become:

That is not a job I would want to work for any amount of money. Seriously I’d rather flip hamburgers than be subject to a call center hamster wheel. So where do we begin this week? To start with we’re going to bring back the wheel for another go round. The Wealthy Elite (1,2) are going to occupy the top 2 spots this week. There’s a new set of some 12 million documents dating as back as 1983 called “The Panama Papers” that are going to leak just how much money is being held overseas and who’s allowing this to happen (hint: it's worse than you think it is!). Plus I also talk about how Sean Hannity got owned by a real economist. I say grab some popcorn and watch the show. Taking the 3rd slot, the Koch Brothers (3) donated some money to George Mason University to name their law school after Antonin Scalia, but are shocked when they get an unfortunate acronym in the mix. In the number 4 slot, Alabama governor Robert Bentley (4) moves up on the list because he’s playing the republican’s favorite “get out of jail free card” (read: pray for forgiveness). At number 5, Trumpenfuror (5) doesn’t know which countries to allow to have nuclear weapons – some might and some might not. Not to mention some might be using his star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame as a toilet. At number 6, Don Blankenship (6) is finally getting his just deserts and a sentence at Supermax. Taking the 7th slot, Rick Perry (7) gets booed at a Starbucks, and that’s not just because he ordered the most expensive drink on the menu. At number 8, Big Oil (8) may be seeing their precious billions in profit shrink because the Tesla Model 3 is taking America by storm. Both literally and figuratively. In the number 9 slot, North Carolina (9) is experiencing some particularly harsh fallout from HB2, aka The Bathroom Bill, and particularly coming from Bruce Springsteen. We'll tell you why he's called "The Boss". Finally for the 10th spot – since there wasn’t anything super crazy in the news this week, we’re going to end with the Top 10 Movie Vault (10). I am going to “review” the sequel to the inexplicably popular flick “God’s Not Dead”, “God’s Not Dead 2”, which was both a box office and critical disaster. And depending on popularity this will become an ongoing feature within the Top 10. But it’s already four months in to 2016 and “God’s Not Dead 2” is already vying for a Razzie Award of some sort. So we’re going to have some fun with this one. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[font size="8"]The Wealthy Elite[/font]

So for this edition we’re going to spin an imaginary wheel for republican corruption. Use your best imagination for this one. Like what Stephen Colbert uses.

The wheel has been expanded! Just like last week I’ll talk about whatever the wheel lands on. Although remember that if it lands on the guacamole option that it costs $1.50 extra. The items on the wheel will be:
- Gun Nuts
- Bernie Haters
- Obama Haters
- Hillary Haters
- Donald Trump
- Guacamole
- VR Headset
- Random Celebrity Endorsement
- Clip Without Context
- 5,000
- Poison
- Poison (The Band)
- New Car
- Bankrupt
- Guitar Solo
- Buy A Vowel
- Panama
- Pizza
- Voter Fraud
- Anti Abortion
- Get Out Of Jail Free
- "Family Values"
- 10,000
- Steak
- Celebrity Endorsements
- Greed
- 15,000
- Tax Avoidance
- Money
- Drum Solo
- Sex Scandals
- Washing Machine
- Anti vaccination crusaders
- T-Shirt Cannon
- A Random Trailer
- Something random in the news
- ??? (Mystery)
- Florida (Obviously)
- Infowars
- Public Urination
- Homemade Weapons
- Bonus Spin

Let’s get going! Spin it! Where is it going to land first? No whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy…. Stop! And it lands on - Panama! Hit it!

More specifically we’re going to talk about “The Panama Papers” to kick things off for the latest installment of the Top 10. So what are “The Panama Papers” you might ask? Well I answer you good sir / madam – it was the end result of an exhaustive study of where exactly the wealthy elite hides their billions of dollars. Did I say billions? I meant trillions. Over $32 trillion to be exact – and that’s also equal to the approximate number of Big Macs that have been sold by McDonalds. I kid, I kid. But seriously I’m reminded of this Lewis Black bit on his classic 2004 album “Rules Of Enragement” about the wealthy elite’s stranglehold and why they will never give up the power they wield unless we decide to take it back from them:

An investigation published today by the International Consortium of Investigative Journalists and its media partners reveals the hidden workings of a secretive industry that banks and lawyers use to hide the financial holdings and dealings of powerful clients, including prime ministers, parliamentarians, plutocrats and criminals, according to a trove of leaked documents.
The files, known as the Panama Papers, expose the offshore holdings of 12 current and former world leaders and reveals how associates of Russian President Vladimir Putin secretly shuffled as much as $2 billion through banks and shadow companies, according to the joint investigative project conducted by ICIJ, the German newspaper Süddeutsche Zeitung and more than 100 other news organizations around the globe. ICIJ is the international arm of the Center for Public Integrity.
The files — which total more than 11.5 million documents — contain new details about major scandals ranging from England’s most infamous gold heist in 1983, an unfolding political money laundering affair in Brazil and bribery allegations currently convulsing FIFA, the body that rules international soccer and is under investigation by the U.S. Justice Department.

Holy. Shit. Let’s stop there for a minute. $2 billion in shadow corporations? 11.5 million documents that contain information about major scandals dating as far back as 1983? To quote Fry from Futurama – “Insane theories 1, regular theories – 1 billion.”. Let’s continue:

Most of the services the offshore industry provides can be used for legal purposes and by law-abiding customers. But the documents reveal that banks, law firms and other offshore players often fail to follow legal requirements to assure that clients are not involved in criminal enterprises, tax dodging or political corruption. The files show that these fixers and middlemen protect themselves and their clients by concealing suspect transactions. In some instances, they work to head off official investigations by backdating and destroying documents.
The documents include nearly 40 years of data from inside Mossack Fonseca, a little known but powerful law firm based in Panama with branches in Hong Kong, Miami, Zurich and 35 other cities worldwide. In the first of six articles posted today, ICIJ and its partners detail the the inner workings of the Mossack Fonseca firm, which is one of the world’s top creators of shell companies — corporate structures that can be used to hide ownership of assets.

I am shocked, shocked I tell you! So banks and governments and other private entities that held billions and in some cases trillions in Panama weren’t exactly “law abiding”? I mean how could that possibly happen?

Another article reveals a clandestine money network with ties to Putin that has shuffled at least $2 billion through banks and offshore companies linked to some of Putin’s closest allies. A third article details how the law firm of a FIFA ethics watchdog had created offshore accounts for three men indicted in the world soccer association’s corruption scandal. One of the men, a former FIFA vice president, has been charged by U.S. authorities with wire fraud and money laundering for his role in the alleged bribery conspiracy.

Wait – Vladimir Putin and 3 indicted FIFA officials have offshore money? I mean how far does this go? Well let’s just go over one brief example of the Panama Papers that you will find out about as more information becomes available from this damning research. This one concerns the government of Iceland. See conservative idiocy isn’t just limited to these great United States of ours. No, it’s a global problem that reaches every country where conservatives can lay their stink on it.
On May 15, 2014, the prime minister of Iceland stood before parliament answering questions about how aggressively his government would sniff out tax cheats and fraudsters who use secret offshore companies. Would Iceland follow Germany’s lead by purchasing revealing data from offshore whistleblowers?
The prime minister, Sigmundur David Gunnlaugsson, hedged.
It was “extremely important that people work together on this,” he agreed. But whether obtaining the information would be “realistic and useful” was unclear, he said, adding that he trusted the tax officials to make the right decision.
What wasn’t known was that the offshore files Iceland was considering buying included offshore companies linked to him and at least two other top members of his ruling government.

So what happens when the elite are bigger tax hoarders than the ones they accuse the others of? Holy shit, the elite are even more corrupt than we thought!
But because of the leak, it cause the PM of Iceland to resign:
In a day of high drama in Reykjavik, Sigmundur David Gunnlaugsson first tried to hang on to his office by seeking the dissolution of parliament.

But after Iceland’s president refused to grant the request, Mr Gunnlaugsson decided to step down as prime minister but carry on as the head of his Progressive party. Sigurdur Ingi Johansson, the current minister of fisheries and agriculture, will become prime minister.
But it remained unclear how other political parties in Iceland would react and early elections could still be called.

Read more: http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/60d88fa0-fb27-11e5-b3f6-11d5706b613b.html#axzz44y9XVb53

[font size="8"]The Wealthy Elite [/font]

Spin it! Woohoo, I win 5,000! Boom! Oh we still don’t know what that 5,000 is. Could be 5,000 copies of Freddie Got Fingered. Could be 5,000 expired state license plates. Could be 5,000 chicken feet. We don’t know. But still, I win! Woohoo! Spin it again! Tax Avoidance.

So “The Panama Papers” have already been out a couple of days, but with 11.5 MILLION documents out there, it will take some time to sort out what really matters and what could have serious ramifications for all parties involved. But governments around the world are already beginning to look through them and some real life world leaders could be implicated in the grandest of all heists. Really I don’t even think Danny Ocean and his crew could take back the trillions that have been stolen from us. Here’s more:

Governments across the world began investigating possible financial wrongdoing by the rich and powerful on Monday after a leak of four decades of documents from a Panamanian law firm that specialized in setting up offshore companies.

The "Panama Papers" revealed financial arrangements of politicians and public figures including friends of Russian President Vladimir Putin, relatives of the prime ministers of Britain, Iceland and Pakistan, and the president of Ukraine.

While holding money in offshore companies is not illegal, journalists who received the leaked documents said they could provide evidence of wealth hidden for tax evasion, money laundering, sanctions busting, drug deals or other crimes.

The law firm, Mossack Fonseca, which says it has set up more than 240,000 offshore companies for clients around the globe, denied any wrongdoing and called itself the victim of a campaign against privacy. Mossack Fonseca, in a statement posted on its website on Monday, said media reports had "misrepresented the nature of our work."

Read more: http://www.reuters.com/article/us-panama-tax-idUSKCN0X10C2

That’s right – there’s some serious crimes here involved like money laundering, tax evasion, drug deals, sanctions, I can go on and on. The Panama Papers have some pretty damning evidence against not just America’s wealthy elite, but the entire world’s wealthy elite. But check out here where Sean Hannity gets owned by an actual economist:
Serial liar and conservative propagandist Sean Hannity had a rather embarrassing interaction with a real economist on his radio show yesterday, and was ruthlessly exposed for spreading false information about President Obama's economic record and the causes for the economic crash in 2008.

Austan Goolsbee, who formerly served as the Chairman of the Council of Economic Advisers and was the youngest member of President Obama's cabinet, went on Hannity's show and thoroughly dismantled the Fox News presenter's deeply misleading statements that he professes with the certainty of a True Believer. Goolsbee was efficient in destroying all of Hannity's arguments because he used the exact same statistics Hannity attempted to use to prove his point, putting them into historic context and proving the complete opposite.

[font size="8"]The Koch Brothers [/font]

Spin it! Where does it land? Nobody knows! Something random in the news!

A man who was trying to smuggle drugs into Spain was busted when Madrid Airport officers noticed an exceptionally large bulge in his crotch.

A search of the hand luggage of the 43-year-old passenger, who had flown in from Costa Rica, turned up nothing, but the unusually large object protruding from his pants caught their attention, according to a story Tuesday in the Daily Mail.

Under two pairs of shorts, the officials found a plastic container attached to the man's genitals. It was filled with more than a pound of cocaine.

Spin it again! Money. Or should I say the complete waste of $10 million that the Koch Brothers spent on renaming George Mason’s school of law after late Supreme Court justice Antonin Scalia. You know you would think that with the team of auditors that the Koch Brothers can afford, they would you know do some fact checking on this sort of thing before they spend $10 million on anything – doesn’t matter if you’re buying a Koenigsegg, or you’re spending $10 million to name a school after somebody. But no less, the Koch Brothers are huge losers this week after this happened:
(CNN)George Mason University recently renamed its law school after the late Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia -- and then quickly realized the acronym that name created was problematic.
The school first announced it would change the name to The Antonin Scalia School of Law, or ASSoL, after receiving an anonymous $30 million donation on March 31.
Observers took to Twitter to comment on the acronym's similarity to a vulgarity, with many of those tweeting not a fan of the conservative justice.


As you can imagine this ignited a firestorm on Twitter with people using their twisted imaginations to figure out what “#ASSLaw” meant. My personal favorite Tweet being this:
“#ASSLaw is trending. Lol. I don't think this is the PR they were expecting. Antonin Scalia School of Law. Roflmao I prefer #ASSoL myself.”

That’s right – ASSoL. Which is pretty fitting when you think about it, especially when most people did think of Scalia as a giant ass.

[font size="8"]Robert Bentley [/font]

Spin it!!! No whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… what? Bankrupt? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Spin it again. Sex scandals. Well there is someone who is morally bankrupt and that’s Alabama governor Robert Bentley, and last week I talked briefly about this. But this week what’s happening in Alabama? Robert Bentley is the kind of family values politician who just a little kinky sex on the side. But this scandal evolved from more than just Bentley’s fling with a mistress. In fact it’s totally blown up and back in his face. And not in a good way either way. But first a little background on this scandal.

A high-ranking American politician is at risk of losing everything over an alleged extramarital affair — and no, it’s not Republican presidential candidate Sen. Ted Cruz.
It’s Alabama Gov. Robert Bentley. Like Cruz, Bentley is a Republican who has campaigned heavily on so-called “family values.” A God-fearing Christian, Bentley has spoken often about the “sanctity” of marriage, pledging to fight tooth-and-nail against same-sex couples who want to have marriages of their own.
Now, Bentley has found his own crumbling marriage under scrutiny (his wife, Dianne Bentley, filed for divorce last year). Last week, the 73-year-old governor admitted to having sexually suggestive conversations with his senior political advisor, 44-year old Rebekah Mason, who is also married. The conversations took place in 2014, before Bentley’s divorce proceedings began.
But Bentley didn’t have to admit to the conversations. Recordings of the conversations — reportedly taken by Dianne — were made public by AL.com.

Yes, this is a guy who ran on a campaign of “family values” (whatever that is) and protecting the “sanctity of marriage” (also whatever that is).

But there’s more to this scandal than just an affair. You might remember a few months ago when Bentley repositioned some funds that were supposed to be used to clean up that horrific BP oil spill in the Gulf Of Mexico which recently settled for the tune of something like $20 billion. But it’s still FUBAR.

As storms once again battered the state of Alabama over Christmas, Republican Gov. Robert Bentley moved to divert funding from the 2010 BP oil spill recovery effort to finance the renovation of a second Governor’s mansion on the Gulf Coast.
Yet that beachside mansion, which Alabama governors beginning with famed segregationist George Wallace have enjoyed, was not damaged by the BP oil spill. It was damaged more than two decades earlier by Hurricane Danny, and has sat empty ever since.

So when one is in way too deep of a hole, how does one stop that without getting out in even deeper of a hole?

But seriously though - you take the GOP “get out of jail free” card. Which, if you guessed “pray for forgiveness” is the republican Get Out Of Jail Free card, then you are correct sir / madam! You get points!

Gov. Robert Bentley made perhaps his most heartfelt apology yet on Monday, repeatedly asking the people of Alabama for forgiveness for the scandal that has engulfed his administration.
Bentley also said he had asked forgiveness from God.
"I've asked God to forgive me because that's the most important thing," Bentley said in midday remarks at Limestone Correctional Facility. "I want back in His fellowship. And so I asked God to forgive me.
"But I asked other people to again forgive me and I've already done that and I have truly asked the people of this state – they're the folks who love me and are the best people in the world – I have asked them to forgive me."
During a press conference at the north Alabama prison, Bentley spent about 2½ minutes speaking on the scandal that has led to the resignation of his senior political adviser, Rebekah Caldwell Mason, and for some lawmakers to consider impeachment proceedings.

That’s right – you can commit just about crime imaginable, and if you “pray for forgiveness” and God says “sure, OK” then you are fine. I mean what’s the worst that can happen?
Alabama Lawmaker Moves Forward With Plan to Impeach Governor

MONTGOMERY, Ala. — Apr 5, 2016, 3:00 PM ET

A Republican Alabama lawmaker said Tuesday that he is filing an impeachment resolution against GOP Gov. Robert Bentley in the wake of a scandal involving one of the governor's top aides, who has since resigned.

The resolution by Rep. Ed Henry of Hartselle will likely be sent to the House Rules Committee for consideration, and it's not clear if it will have enough support to move forward. Some lawmakers have said impeachment discussions are premature until investigations into Bentley's conduct have been done.

[font size="8"]Donald Trump [/font]

Spin it! Wheel goes round, wheel goes round, where does it stop? Nobody knows. Steak!

“I love steak, I have the best steak recipes. I make the best steak. People always come up to me and say “Hey Mr. Trump, your steak is the best. Can I have the recipe? And I give them the recipe because I want to make steak great again! Also buy Trump brand steak sauce – it’s better than A1!”

Spin the wheel again! No whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! Public urination. So the Hollywood Walk Of Fame is a thing, and a very popular tourist destination in Los Angeles. Tons of people every year come down to see their favorite celebrity’s star, or see new ones get added. But when public figures, especially ones as controversial and polarizing as Donald Trump have public monuments, they tend to get defaced, and sometimes in very creative ways. But the vandalism is so bad that the Walk Of Fame committee is actually considering pulling Trump’s star:

In an instant, Lin's daughter Grace began her assault. With all her might, the South Pasadena elementary school student jumped up and down on Trump's star, stomping on it with emphasis.

Her family laughed as the diminutive 10-year-old continued to literally pound the pavement.
“My mom saw it, I started jumping on it,” she said with a wide grin. She didn't like “his speeches and stuff.”

Though Trump's star has been on the Hollywood Walk of Fame since 2007, his star has never been more popular with tourists than during this election cycle. Love him or hate him, many pedestrians who happen upon his star outside the Hollywood and Highland Center, in the heart of the tourist district, can't help but react when seeing a tangible representation of the Republican firebrand.


If you saw last Friday's Real Time With Bill Maher, Maher pointed out that Trump's star is in a very public place - 8601 W Hollywood Blvd, or right in front of the Chinese Theater. And come on, that’s not even a good swastika. I mean it’s completely facing the wrong way. The graffiti, vandalism, and poop is running so rampant on Donald Trump’s star that the committee is actually considering removing it, and that’s something they almost never do. I mean they actually voted to keep Bill Cosby’s star despite rampant graffiti and vandalism. But I love that people are also using his star as a toilet:

Trump’s star was installed on the renowned stretch of Los Angeles sidewalk in 2007, but it’s only become a target for vandals in recent months. One of the most notable incidents came in late January, when someone spray-painted a swastika on Trump’s star. (The Republican presidential front-runner has received the enthusiastic support of various neo-Nazis and white supremacists.)

But while on the subject of Donald Trump, we got to talk about his stance on nuclear weapons, and this is not a guy who you want to have his finger on the button. Seriously, I wouldn’t trust Donald Trump to push the “go” button at a carnival fair ride.
Donald Trump refused to take the use of nuclear weapons off the table in any situation, including in Europe or the Middle East, during a wide-ranging town hall on Wednesday on MSNBC. 
The GOP presidential front-runner said he would consider using a nuclear weapon if the U.S. were attacked by the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria, according to an MSNBC transcript of the interview released Wednesday afternoon.
"Somebody hits us within ISIS, you wouldn't fight back with a nuke?" he said.
When host Chris Matthews asked if the real estate mogul could definitively say he wouldn't use nuclear weapons, he responded: "I would never say that. I would never take any of my cards off the table."

But Trumpenfuror got blasted by the Japanese government for his comments should Japan ever go to war with North Korea:
"Japan is better if it protects itself against this maniac of North Korea," Trump told CNN's Anderson Cooper Tuesday. "We are better off frankly if South Korea is going to start protecting itself ... they have to protect themselves or they have to pay us."
Japan remains the only country to have had nuclear weapons used against it and has had a non-nuclear policy and pacifist constitution since the end of World War II. 
Foreign Minister Fumio Kishida added, "It is impossible that Japan will arm itself with nuclear weapons."

This is where Japan is different and better than the US – while we would bomb the living shit out of anyone who so dare looks at us funny, and occupy them a long time, Japan takes the high road and doesn’t consider North Korea’s missile launch a threat. But not with a president Donald Trump! Yeah so he’d launch nukes to counteract ISIS. Great, and this is after he threatened violence at the convention I mean riots if he’s not the nominee! And even if Donald Trump was the nominee, he would be facing the highest unpopularity level of any president entering office before him:
Clinton (48/41) and Bernie Sanders (48/40) each lead Trump by solid margins, and have more modest leads over Ted Cruz as well (45/42 for Clinton, 48/41 for Sanders). Clinton (45/41) and Sanders (44/41) would each trail John Kasich. We find that a generic Democrat would lead a generic Republican for President 45/43 so when it comes to match ups against Clinton, Cruz essentially is the generic Republican with Trump being 5 points worse and Kasich being 6 points better. Much is made of Trump's unpopularity nationally and he certainly is unpopular- a 29/63 favorability rating- but Cruz isn't much better off at 30/58. Kasich's 41/39 rating makes him the only candidate in either party on positive ground. 

[font size="8"]Don Blankenship [/font]

Spin it! And the wheel lands on………………. Clip without context!

But Sarah Palin doesn’t see race! She says we should be condoning racism. So why is she stumping for Trumpenfuror then?

Spin it again! And this time it lands on…. Greed. To get the feel for this entry, read Steve Wynn’s statement on why he says people don’t like being around poor people. So real life C. Montgomery Burns – Don Blankenship, finally gets his just deserts and is getting a one way sentence to Supermax! I mean what does it take to get a real criminal locked up in this country when so many non threatening ones get locked up every minute of every day in this country?

A West Virginia judge ruled today that coal King Don Blankenship will head behind bars for a year for his role in safety violations related to an explosion that killed 29 miners six years ago this week.

Blankenship, former CEO of Massey Energy, was convicted in December of one of three counts against him for conspiring to “willfully violate mandatory mine health and safety standards” at the Upper Big Branch mine that claimed the lives of 29 men in an explosion on April 5, 2010. A federal safety inspection later found that “if basic safety measures had been in place… there would have been no loss of life at UBB .”

Blankenship was sentenced today to one year in prison, plus one year’s supervised release and a $250,000 fine -– the maximum penalty for the conspiracy charge, according to ABC News’ local affiliate WCHS. Prosecutors had bemoaned such a short maximum sentence for what they called “monstrous” wrongdoing.

Go to hell Blankenship. The more fitting punishment would be to work a month in his coal mines that he denied regulation and service and maintenance too, which led to the collapse that killed 29 miners. But we’ll take him getting locked up for now.

[font size="8"]Rick Scott[/font]

Spin that shit! Wheel goes round, wheel goes round… where does it stop? Come on, VR headset! Daddy wants an HTC Vive! And it lands on… Florida (obviously). So Rick Scott walks into a Starbucks. Starbucks – proudly serving extra large lattes to extra large Americans since 1971. So what happens when a much hated political figure like Florida (obviously) governor Rick Scott goes into a Starbucks in Gainesville in order to buy his morning latte? Well naturally the people well turned on him. And you can’t feel too sorry because Rick Scott is a tea party governor and a conservative idiot of the highest caliber. Roll tape!

So what did Rick Scott do to piss people off so badly that he nearly got booed out of getting a drink at a Starbucks?

“You’re an a--hole. You don’t care about working people. You should be ashamed to show your face around here.”
The two-term Republican tries to defend himself by saying he’s created “a million jobs” for his state.
“Great! Who here has a great job? Or is looking forward to finishing school? You really feel like you have a job coming up?” Jennings replies.
As Scott — with no drink in hand — and his staff walk out, Jennings gets in one more big dig.
“You stripped women of access to public health care!” she says, referencing the bill he signed just days ago defunding Planned Parenthood.

So he not only defunded Medicaid, he also voted to defund Planned Parenthood. Seriously what the hell? You can’t systematically deny health care rights to your entire state and then walk into a public place like a Starbucks and expect that you’ll be welcome with open arms. It doesn’t work that way! What did he expect? Well to play devil’s advocate for a minute, Politifact does some fact checking with the Starbucks heckler:

Scott and Medicaid
It doesn’t appear that Scott has outright "cut Medicaid," as Jennings said, but he has refused to accept the provision of the Affordable Care Act that would expand Medicaid to cover more of the uninsured.
Medicaid, the joint state and federal program to cover the very poor, normally extends to people making 44 percent of the federal poverty level (100 percent is currently $11,880 for an individual and $24,300 for a family of four). When Obamacare was enacted, it was supposed to cover adults up to 138 percent of that level.
1 million jobs
While not exactly on topic, Scott is right about the state growing 1 million jobs over his tenure.
Between December 2010 and February 2016, total nonfarm employment in Florida rose by 1,041,400. Viewed a slightly different way from his first month in office, the state still added 1,028,100 jobs from January 2011 to February 2016.

I give this…………… 9 thumbs up.

[font size="8"]Big Oil [/font]

Spin city!!!! So where does it land for the #8 spot? Come on… oh…. Oh……. Oh.. can it be? A little bit more…. YES!!! New car!!! Wooooooooooohooo! What do I win? A Tesla Model 3?

Wait – you’re telling me that they don’t go into production until 2017? And that I might not get one until 2020 after a 3 year waiting list? Damn it!

But why am I talking about the Tesla Model 3 when this is about Big Oil? I mean it’s no secret that peak oil may or may no longer be just a conspiracy theory. But the Tesla Model 3 is taking both America and the world by storm. And when you think about the implications of what an affordable electric car that actually looks like a real car will do for not just America but the world itself, well, it’s no surprise that people are taking notice.

Tesla Motors Inc said orders for its new Model 3 electric sedan topped 253,000 in the first 36 hours -- a fast start for the company's first mass-market vehicle, which may not begin to reach customers for another 18 months or more.

Tesla Chief Executive Elon Musk tweeted on Friday that the Model 3, which is slated to go into production in late 2017, will sell at an average price of $42,000, including the price of options and additional features, which would give the initial flurry of orders an estimated retail value of $10.6 billion.

That intense interest, fanned in part by a steady stream of tweets by Musk, could help boost Tesla's stock price, which closed Friday at $237.59, up 3.4 percent. The stock has soared more than 60 percent since hitting a 12-month low in February.

The car's average selling price projected by Musk is well above the $35,000 base price. Analysts earlier had estimated the first Model 3s off the factory line in Fremont, California, could be loaded with extra equipment and sell for $50,000 to$60,000.

Read more: https://www.yahoo.com/news/tesla-says-model-3-orders-top-10-billion-180336696--finance.html

That means that while Big Oil companies like Chevron, Exxon Mobil, and Conoco Philips got drunk with power under the Bush administration, they will be seriously hurting under the Sanders or Clinton administration when these things get off the ground and 300,000 people won’t be buying their crude.

[font size="8"]North Carolina [/font]

Spin it to win it!!!!! Clip without context!

Spin that shit again! And it lands on............. drum solo!!!!

So I bring up the drum solo to talk about this next entry - North Carolina. So once again Pat McCrory screwed over the state, and especially their relationship with The Boss, aka Bruce Springsteen. You know, there's a reason why he's called "The Boss". So because of the backlash coming from The Boss, that he canceled the E Street Band's appearance in Greensboro, well, this happened:

Bruce Springsteen is the latest to shun North Carolina over its so-called "bathroom law."
The legendary musician announced Friday that his upcoming show in Greensboro, North Carolina, has been canceled in "solidarity" with those protesting the measure.
Springsteen and his E Street Band were slated to perform at the Greensboro Coliseum this Sunday. The roughly 15,000 ticketholders will all be eligible for a refund.
The newly enacted law requires individuals to use bathrooms that correspond to the gender on their birth certificate, and has drawn fierce criticism for excluding legal protections from gay and transgender people.

But because of this law, and Bruce's cancellation of his concert tour's appearance in Greensboro, there's one particular rep who's calling Bruce a "big bully" for canceling his appearance in Greensboro:

"We've got other artists coming soon — Def Leppard, Justin Bieber," says Rep. Mark Walker.
A U.S. congressman who represents portions of Greensboro, N.C., is accusing Bruce Springsteen of being a "bully," after the rock star canceled a concert there to protest a new law that's being described as anti-gay.
"It's disappointing he's not following through on his commitments," said Rep. Mark Walker, a Republican freshman congressman.
"We've got other artists coming soon — Def Leppard, Justin Bieber," the congressman told The Hollywood Reporter.
"I've never been a Bieber fan, but I might have to go. Maybe artists who weren't 'born to run' deserve a little bit more support," he said, referencing one Springsteen's most famous song titles.

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Def Leppard and Justin Beiber! One is a decent has-been 80's hard rock band that is still around, while the other pees in buckets and curses at pictures of Bill Clinton. Yeah that's something to brag about all right. But here's where I am glad that University Of North Carolina lost in the NCAA tournament this year:

Margaret Spellings, president of the University of North Carolina, is not a friend of the LGBTQ community. Installed by the hyper-partisan UNC Board of Governors through a de facto coup, Spellings served as secretary of education under President George W. Bush, an office she infamously used to suppress depictions of same-sex couples on children’s shows. When appointed UNC president, Spellings maintained her anti-gay stance, dismissively describing homosexuality as a “lifestyle.”

So it was no surprise when announced that UNC will comply with North Carolina’s vicious new anti-LGBTQ law, HB 2. Although the law doesn’t nullify UNC’s LGBT nondiscrimination policy, it does explicitly bar trans students from using the bathroom that aligns with their gender identity. In response, Spellings issued guidelines to put UNC in compliance with the statute, declaring that “University institutions must require every multiple-occupancy bathroom and changing facility to be designated for and used only by persons based on their biological sex.”

This rule effectively excludes most trans UNC students from using the correct bathroom. HB 2 defines sex as “stated on a person’s birth certificate.” But in North Carolina, you cannot change the sex on your birth certificate unless you receive gender reassignment surgery, a procedure which many trans people forego for medical, ideological, or financial concerns. Other states, like Tennessee, explicitly bar trans people from changing their birth certificate sex—even if they receive gender reassignment surgery. So a trans UNC student born in Tennessee, for example, is now banned from public bathrooms for life....

Fuck you Margaret Spellings. You know what? Can we show Villanova's win again?

Thank you Villanova!

[font size="8"]Top 10 Movie Vault [/font]

Spin the wheel one last time this week! Where is it going to land? No one really knows! And it lands on… t-shirt cannon! Whoo! Who in the audience wants one? But you know what? The t-shirt cannon got upgraded to a t-shirt Gatling gun!

But in accordance with Civilization V rules, we still lack technology in the t-shirt flinging world. I mean just a few years ago we were still using the t-shirt trebuchet. We just upgraded to the t-shirt Gatling gun, but we need the t-shirt artillery unit and the t-shirt rocket artillery in order to be really effective at capturing audiences. But the t-shirt XCOM Squad is still a pipe dream, am I right?

Spin it again! And it lands on…….. Can it be??? Yes it’s the ??? (Mystery) item!!!! Whooooooooo!!!

Which happens to be a random trailer!

No that wasn’t the trailer for Star Wars: Rogue One. But nope. Instead it’s the trailer for Kirk Cameron’s ridiculously horrible “Saving Christmas” – a movie preaching about “people don’t care about the true meaning of Christmas anymore”. The movie was both a critical and a box office disaster . In looking up the info on Saving Christmas, it was a 1.6 out of 10 on IMDB. And this little tidbit appeared on the trivia page for Saving Christmas:

Kirk Cameron responded to the film's negative reviews by pleading to his fans on his Facebook page: "Help me storm the gates of Rotten Tomatoes. All of you who love Saving Christmas - go rate it at Rotten Tomatoes right now and send the message to all the critics that WE decide what movies we want our families to see. If 2,000 of you (out of almost 2 million on this page) take a minute to rate Saving Christmas, it will give the film a huge boost and more will see it as a result! Thank you for all your help and support in putting the joy of Christ back in Christmas!" This actually resulted in a severe backlash against the film, in which Internet users traveled to the Rotten Tomatoes page and condemned the film. Cameron later blamed this action on "haters and atheists".

Yes so Kirk Cameron's attempt at boosting the already sagging ratings of Saving Christmas backfired on him big time. And that is basically what happens when you make a movie based on a Bill O’Reilly book that isn’t about killing somebody. I mean come on, the man has “Killing Patton”, “Killing Reagan”, “Killing Lincoln”, and “Killing Jesus”. What is he trying to tell us exactly? That he likes killing people? The horror! The horror I say! But there is one good thing to come of the Saving Christmas fiasco - it was a near unanimous favorite to win the 2015 Razzie Awards. Which is a mighty big feat considering it was going up against Transformers: Age Of Extinction, and it would have to be a really shitty movie to knock that piece of shit out of contention for the worst movie of 2014/2015!

But for the 10th spot this week we are going to do something a bit different. I don’t want to make fun of religion, but when they can skirt around the Constitution and legally deny LGBT and especially the T people their basic right to exist in truly horrific and humiliating ways, then I can trash their ridiculously awful taste in movies, can’t I? After all, it’s the least I can do! We are going to open the Top 10 movie vault and talk about some extremely horrible faith based films that are inexplicably dominating the box office. It’s definitely no secret that when a faith based film like “Son Of God” or “War Room” hits the movie theaters that churches buy up what should be empty theaters in droves:

Religious organizations are seeking to flood multiplexes with faithful audiences for the Fox-distributed film about Jesus Christ, based on the hit "Bible" miniseries.
Church groups are seeking to take over entire theaters for opening night screenings of Son of God, the upcoming movie about the life of Jesus Christ.
Various religious organizations throughout the country have been buying out screens and distributing tickets to groups of thousands of people for "Theater Take-Overs" on Thursday, Feb. 27, the night before the film's officially released, according to production company Lightworkers Media.
Crossroads Church in Cincinnati is bringing thousands of people to a Cinemark theater, where Son of God will be showing on 13 screens at the same time.

Yeah that happens almost every time. So where do we begin? Let’s start with the latest film they are trying to inflict on the world – “God’s Not Dead 2”. Which as you can imagine opened to abysmal box office numbers for a faith based film.

NASHVILLE (BP) -- The sequel "God's Not Dead 2" opened much weaker than its 2014 predecessor, trailing the top grossing "God's Not Dead" in per screen earnings by 72 percent, according to Box Office Mojo statistics.
With total earnings of $8.1 million for the April 1-3 weekend, God's Not Dead 2 averaged $3,350 per screen in 2,419 theaters. Its predecessor averaged $11,817 per screen in 780 theaters, earning $9.2 million when it opened in March, 2014. "God's Not Dead" was the highest-grossing independent faith film of 2014 at $60.8 million.
The sequel's total earnings ranked first among new releases. Its nearest competitor "Meet the Blacks," a comedy that grossed $4 million, still outperformed God's Not Dead 2 in per screen average earnings. Shown on only half as many screens as the Christian sequel, Meet the Blacks' average screen take of $4,026 outpaced God's Not Dead 2 by $700.

It seems Nashville is becoming the Christian Hollywood (sarcasm). They’re home to the Grand Ol Opry, they’re home to Christian movie and music studios and even Christian fraternities. A lot of fundie movies are being produced there. But what’s really sad? Even churches couldn’t fill seats for this piece of crap. I mean the really sad thing? More people would actually rather go sit through “Meet The Blacks”. Which is a parody of “The Purge”. So let’s show the trailer for this movie.

So here’s how you don’t make a sequel. Let’s run through the checklist.

1. Are there any returning characters from the first movie? Just one. And it’s a guy who has an incredibly brief cameo in the first one.
2. Does the plot follow the story of the first movie? No.
3. Is there anything even remotely related between the first movie and the second movie? Just the town setting where the main characters are from.

And – spoiler alert... you know what? Do we really need to put a spoiler alert for this piece of shit? I mean you're not going to see it, so fuck it, I'm doing away with the spoiler alert rule for this and telling you the ending of the first Gods Not Dead - they killed off the main antagonist of the last movie in the last movie. This movie is the Christian hardcore fundamentalists’ wet dream here. They always play the persecution card whenever one of their own runs for office, like Ted Cruz or Rick Perry, or Rick Santorum for instance. So this movie is essentially the talking point taken to new extremes.They dream of God being taken out of the public square because it would mobilize and energize them to get out the vote to put whatever dream scumbag fundie politicians they want into office to prevent this from happening. I mean look at what Pat McCrory did to North Carolina with the stroke of a pen. But it’s something that has about the same odds as you winning the billion dollar lottery while getting struck by lightning. But the weirdest part about this flick? Despite that it has holier than thou candidate and pedophile hiding former Alabama governor Mike Huckabee and Christian rock band Newsboys, not to mention an extremely unnecessary cameo and shout out to everyone’s favorite backwoods, LGBT hating, duck hunting crew the Robertson family. So without seeing the movie (why should I put myself through that kind of torture? ), I instead went to IMDB and read through the plot synopsis. Which includes this:

Against the backdrop of the debates, a series of peripherally related subplots develop. Radisson dates Mina (Cory Oliver), an evangelical whom he often belittles in front of his fellow atheist colleagues. Her brother Mark (Dean Cain), a successful businessman and atheist, refuses to visit their mother, who suffers from dementia. Mark's girlfriend, Amy (Trisha LaFache), is a left-wing blogger who writes articles critical of Duck Dynasty. When she is diagnosed with cancer, Mark dumps her.

Holy shit! Taking cues from Newt Gingrich, are we? What about that whole “do unto others” part of the Bible? I mean you’re not Larry David. But this to me is the strangest part of the entire movie:

But Reverend Dave (David A.R. White), Reverend Jude (Benjamin Oyango), and Martin Yip (Paul Kwo) are back, as well as Amy Ryan (Trisha LaFache), the cancer-stricken “gotcha” journalist with the “I Love Evolution” bumper sticker. The movie makes a couple of other nods to fans, including a bit of conversation with a waiter about a car rental that will make absolutely no sense unless you saw God’s Not Dead.
The Christian pop-rock band The Newsboys has returned, with a much shorter concert, and Mike Huckabee also shows up along with several authors of famous books of Christian apologetics. Product placement isn’t dead, either; Priuses make repeated, strangely emphatic and name-droppy appearances for reasons I cannot divine but that may have something to do with film-production tax breaks. (The movie is also weirdly preoccupied with men’s black leather dress shoes.)

But here’s where God’s Not Dead 2 gets really strange. I thought die hard right wingers and Christian fundamentalists hated just about anyone who drove a Toyota Prius. Anyone remember Coal Rollers?

Well the producers of the movie actually held a contest to give away a brand new 2016 Toyota Prius:

My first thought was, maybe Toyota is trying to change the kinds of associations people have with Priuses, to reach beyond their typical audience. Get some of that sweet, God, ducks and pick-up trucks money. Not a bad idea, from a marketing standpoint. But I reached out to a member of Toyota’s media team who said that there was no advertising deal, that God’s Not Dead 2‘s Prius pimping was “purely coincidental.” Pure Flix hasn’t responded. As of last month, Pure Flix was running a sweepstakes where 10 winners would win a year-long subscription to Pure Flix’s streaming service, and the grand prize winner would win, you guessed it, a 2016 Toyota Prius. Is Toyota fibbing, and there is a partnership, but they don’t want to admit it publicly? Maybe. Or are they telling the truth, and the Pure Flix honchos just love their Priuses so much that they wanted to spread the gospel? Through multiple scenes in the film and a giveaway? That seems unlikely to me, but stranger things have happened. And we are dealing with a group that loves to evangelize.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Jesus (pun intended). Now I’ve seen everything!

See you next week!

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #22: Wheel O’ Corruption Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #22: Wheel O’ Corruption Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! So… we got to talk about Batman V. Superman: Dawn Of Justice for a minute. Holy shit. Zack Snyder, you have got some serious ‘splaining to do. You can’t make Batman sadistic! Which is what the Ben Affleck Batman was! Everything that made the Nolan Batman flicks great, that made the Marvel flicks great, even Deadpool – one of my favorite movies this year so far, was thrown out the window to make this as dark as possible. I mean he was branding people and then sending them back out into the wild. I will expect a certain amount of that from our politicians, but I will not from our super heroes! Batman is not supposed to be the bad guy, he’s supposed to be the Dark Knight! He’s the hero Gotham deserves, but the not the one it needs right now. He’s a silent guardian. A watchful protector. And don’t get me started about hipster doofus Lex Luthor either. But there is one good thing to come out of that mess of a flick, sad Affleck:

This would probably be better if we had the Sad Hulk music.

All right, now that I got that off my chest let’s get to it shall we? Where do we begin? There is a lot of idiocy coming from our nation’s governors. And after how long the last 3 have been I will try to make this one much shorter this time around. So for the number one slot this week, we are going to talk about Donald Trump Supporters (1). Their attempt to bring guns into the RNC backfired on them big time. It's a colossal disaster and we're going to break it down for you. Returning champion Pat McCrory (2) falls to second place this week. It seems he is feeling the pressure from that horrendous anti-LGBT law he didn't hesitate to pass last week. Taking the third slot, Anti Abortion Republicans (3) are taking down women's rights one horrifying law at a time. At number 4, "family values" governor of Alabama Robert Bentley (4) could lose everything over a rather bizarre and stupid sex scandal. Taking the 5th spot, is the State Of Arizona (5) who is losing their collective minds over the very real possibility of voter fraud being committed in their state. At number 6, Donald Trump (6) has picked up some endorsements from the same breed of has-been Z grade celebrities that appear on Celebrity Apprentice, and he's also playing with fire. Taking the 7th seed, anti vaccination crusaders and their leader Mike Adams (7) have their collective underwear in a wad over their expulsion from Robert DeNiro's annual Tribeca Film Festival. At number 8, Michigan governor Rick Snyder (8) appears on a list from Fortune Magazine that no one wants to appear on, and rightfully so, but he is a big loser. Taking the 9th spot, John Kasich (9) is caught in a "scandal" over how he eats his pizza. Did Jon Stewart not teach us anything? Finally we're going to expand on something I talked about last week and talk about artificial intelligence. Specifically Microsoft's Twitter customer support bot Tay (10) got kidnapped and reprogrammed into a psychotic genocide advocating, pot smoking, Hitler loving, Trump supporter. And this story is even more insane than you think it is. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[font size="8"]Donald Trump Supporters[/font]

So for this edition we’re going to spin an imaginary wheel for republican corruption. Use your best imagination for this one. Like what Stephen Colbert uses.

The items on the wheel will be:
- Gun Nuts
- Bernie Haters
- Obama Haters
- Hillary Haters
- Donald Trump
- Bathrooms
- Clip Without Context
- 5,000
- Poison
- Poison (The Band)
- Bankrupt
- Buy A Vowel
- Funerals For Fetuses
- Pizza
- Donald Trump
- Voter Fraud
- Anti Abortion
- "Family Values"
- 10,000
- Sex Scandals
- Anti vaccination crusaders
- Something random in the news
- ??? (Mystery)
- Florida (Obviously)
- Infowars
- War Machine
- Fuel
- Donald Trump (yes he appears if you say his name 3 times, like Beetlejuice, )
Spin that shit! Where is it going to land for the first entry? Can it be? Oh…. Oh… yes! Gun nuts! Whew! I knew you would not disappoint me this week! This might be one of my favorite stories to come out of the madness that is the Donald Trump campaign. I talked about this last week but we’re going to go into a lot more detail this week. So Quicken Loans Arena – the home of the Cleveland Cavaliers, has a ban in place on guns in the arena. So how might that affect the Republican National Convention which is going to take place at Quicken Loans Arena? Remember when Donald Trump threatened convention riots upon learning that there might be a brokered convention this year?
Washington (CNN)Donald Trump and Ted Cruz warned fellow Republicans Wednesday of dire consequences if the GOP establishment attempts to have a brokered convention this summer.
"I think you'd have riots. I think you'd have riots," Trump said Wednesday on CNN's "New Day." "I'm representing a tremendous many, many millions of people."
The Republican Party veered closer to a contested convention Tuesday after Ohio Gov. John Kasich won his home state and deprived Trump, the party's front-runner, of its 66 delegates. That makes it more difficult for the billionaire to reach the 1,237 delegates he needs to capture the GOP prize without a floor fight.
In fact one of Trump's supporters said there would be riots if Trump didn't win the nomination at the convention, though riots themselves "aren't necessarily a bad thing."

In a previous edition I even reported that the Cleveland police were preparing for that possible outcome by buying some ridiculously expensive riot gear. Now when you think about that, consider something that I talked about last week in a bit of detail. But to do that, first here’s the exact text of the corporate policy at Quicken Loans Arena.

 In accordance with the Ohio’s “concealed carry” law and the right for private entities to ban handguns on their premises, firearms and other weapons of any kind are strictly forbidden on the premises of Quicken Loans Arena.

Yes – in Ohio corporate entities are allowed to regulate whether or not guns are allowed on the premesis. And you can imagine that a place where 20,000 people come and go during the regular NBA season on a daily basis, that having guns in that place would be a bad thing. Well there’s this.

More than 25,000 people have signed a petition to allow firearms inside the Republican National Convention being held in Cleveland in July.
Firearms are currently not permitted inside the Quicken Loans Arena, known as "the Q," where the gathering will take place.
The petition, posted Monday on Change.org, sought only 5,000 signatures but has since quintupled, topping 25,000 Saturday afternoon. It was posted by an author identified only as "N.A." from Cleveland, but the user profile appears to have been deleted from the website.
It was not clear whether the person posting the petition was backing the proposal or attempting to put the party, which strongly backs gun rights, in an awkward position.

25,000 people. 25,000 people. Which if you think about it, is almost as many people that live in Saratoga Springs, New York. In fact, it was almost 41,000 which if you think about that, is the same population as Yucaipa, California. This puts Quicken Loans Arena in a very awkward position, and I do mean very awkward. On one hand, it does abide by the Ohio law that states that private entities can dictate whether or not to allow guns in the arena. But on the other hand it is the Republican National Convention. The text of this petition is quite literally insane. Let’s break it down for you.

SUMMARY: In July of 2016, the GOP will host its convention at the Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland, Ohio. Though Ohio is an open carry state, which allows for the open carry of guns, the hosting venue—the Quicken Loans Arena—strictly forbids the carry of firearms on their premises.
According to the policy on their website, "firearms and other weapons of any kind are strictly forbidden on the premises of Quicken Loans Arena."

I take it you didn’t read the law, sir because it literally says this:

An Ohio concealed carry license does not allow totally unfettered carry. Any owner of private property can ban handguns by posting a sign in clear view or providing verbal notice. Additional "no-carry" zones are mandated by O.R.C., including most government buildings, churches, and school property with the latter two zones having exceptions for licensees in certain circumstances. Various other "no-carry" zones are also enumerated.

You didn’t even read the text in your own fucking links! Seriously what the fuck? Quicken Loans Arena is doing exactly what the law says.

But here’s where it gets batshit fucking insane.

This is a direct affront to the Second Amendment and puts all attendees at risk. As the National Rifle Association has made clear, "gun-free zones" such as the Quicken Loans Arena are "the worst and most dangerous of all lies." The NRA, our leading defender of gun rights, has also correctly pointed out that "gun free zones... tell every insane killer in America... (the) safest place to inflict maximum mayhem with minimum risk." (March 4, 2016 and Dec. 21, 2012)
Cleveland, Ohio is consistently ranked as one of the top ten most dangerous cities in America. By forcing attendees to leave their firearms at home, the RNC and Quicken Loans Arena are putting tens of thousands of people at risk both inside and outside of the convention site.

This whole argument contradicts itself multiple times over! So you want to make Cleveland safe from gun nuts by allowing other gun nuts to dictate what can or cannot be brought into the QLA? Especially when Donald Trump is already threatening riots? Sure, throw a tank of kerosene onto an already burning building and see what happens!
This doesn't even begin to factor in the possibility of an ISIS terrorist attack on the arena during the convention. Without the right to protect themselves, those at the Quicken Loans Arena will be sitting ducks, utterly helpless against evil-doers, criminals or others who wish to threaten the American way of life.
All three remaining Republican candidates have spoken out on the issue and are unified in their opposition to Barack HUSSEIN Obama's "gun-free zones."
Donald Trump said "I will get rid of gun-free zones on schools—you have—and on military bases on my first day. It gets signed my first day...you know what a gun-free zone is to a sicko? That's bait." (Jan. 8. 2016)

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha… *holds breath* Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…That’s some mighty fine gun nut logic there! And ISIS? ISIS You say? Did you not see this statement where former CIA chief Michael Hayden said Donald Trump campaigns are recruiters for ISIS? And you know what? I want to take a time out for a minute and ask:

How is this still a thing? Republicans putting emphasis on the Hussein part of Barack Hussein Obama's name. I mean it was cute a minute when you did this way back in 2007. But after 8 years and no war was declared on a single country in that time, no 9/11 or Hurricane Katrina disasters, an economic surplus, Saddam Hussein is dead, Osama Bin Laden is dead, we have captured and killed most of Al Qaeda's leadership, what more do you want? Hey Republicans, stop emphasizing the “Hussein” part of President Obama’s name. You’ve been doing this for 8 years and it only makes you look fucking stupid every single time.

OK I feel better. Now back to the rant.And getting rid of “gun free zones”? You really want to go there and make everyone sitting ducks? Well let’s ask the Secret Service what they think of these shenanigans shall we?

The Secret Service says people attending the Republican National Convention in Cleveland this July will not be allowed to carry guns.
The statement comes in response to a petition that calls for allowing open carry of guns inside Quicken Loans Arena, the host venue.
The petition has amassed more than 43,000 signatures as of Monday morning. 
Secret Service spokesman Robert Hoback said in a statement that “only authorized law enforcement personnel” working with the agency will be allowed to carry firearms inside protected areas. 
“Individuals determined to be carrying firearms will not be allowed past a predetermined outer perimeter checkpoint, regardless of whether they possess a ticket to the event,” Hoback wrote in an email.
The Secret Service cited federal law that allows the agency to prevent firearms from being carried into venues with protectees present, even in open-carry states. 

[font size="8"]Pat McCrory[/font]

Spin it! Next up on our republican Wheel O'Corruption - bathrooms. Specifically transgender related bathroom issues. So last week I reported that Pat McCrory (R-Focus On The Family) didn’t hesitate a bit to sign into law one of the harshest anti-LGBT laws in the entire country. Well it seems that this ruffled a lot of feathers this week and businesses are pulling their operations out of North Carolina, while others have ceased all non-essential travel to the state of North Carolina. I mean even Duke lost their spot in the NCAA tournament, so you know this is a very serious matter. This is one of the most hate filled laws that hasn’t been seen in quite some time. Observe:

New York state has joined the cities of Seattle, San Francisco and New York in restricting non-essential public-employee travel to North Carolina. The moves are in response to a newly passed North Carolina law that critics say is discriminatory to the LGBT community.

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo's executive order bans "all taxpayer-funded trips trip to North Carolina, unless they're essential to public health or law enforcement," NPR's Hansi Lo Wang tells our Newscast unit.

"From Stonewall to marriage equality, our state has been a beacon of hope and equality for the LGBT community, and we will not stand idly by as misguided legislation replicates the discrimination of the past," Cuomo said in a statement. "As long as there is a law in North Carolina that creates the grounds for discrimination against LGBT people, I am barring non-essential travel to the state."

The North Carolina measure was passed last week in a special session by the state's Legislature and then immediately signed by Gov. Pat McCrory. It "blocks local governments from passing anti-discrimination rules to grant protections to gay and transgender people," as the Two-Way has reported.

Yup! This is what is happening right now good sir / madam. Thankfully once word got around about the true ramifications of the hate bill that North Carolina passed, joining over 100 businesses that have signed a petition to ban travel to North Carolina, even current Chicago mayor and chapter president of the Gordon Gekko fan club, Rahm Emmanuel, is refusing to allow Chicago City employees to travel to or do business with North Carolina until the law is repealed:

Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel says he will try to poach businesses and conventions from North Carolina because of a law eliminating anti-discrimination protections for lesbians, gays and bisexuals.

Emanuel also says he will he ban the use of city funds for nonessential travel to the state.

Emanuel pointed to his ability to lure a Whole Foods warehouse and 200 jobs from Indiana to Chicago because of that state's passage of a bill that raised concerns about discrimination against gays and lesbians. The mayor also threw in a $7.4 million subsidy.

Emanuel said he has asked his staff to draw up a list of North Carolina companies they think "we can talk into considering a move to Chicago."


But no – now the belts and gloves have come off! This is getting real folks!

A top legislative Republican says North Carolina's Democratic attorney general should resign if he won't defend a far-reaching new state law that in part voids Charlotte's anti-discrimination ordinance.

Senate Leader Phil Berger said Tuesday that Attorney General Roy Cooper appears to be pandering to left-wing backers as he runs for governor against incumbent Republican Gov. Pat McCrory. Berger says Cooper's campaigning is making it impossible for him to fulfill his duties as attorney general.

Berger issued a statement after Cooper said he won't defend in court the new state law that prevents local governments from adopting anti-discrimination measures for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.

Cooper says in response to Berger's comments that he's doing his job and will keep doing it.

Read more: http://www.greensboro.com/news/government/attorney-general-cooper-won-t-defend-transgender-law-in-court/article_ba5c8e64-85cc-525e-a229-ccd2ac1f8e7e.html

Hey McCrory, a word of advice – when you’re already in a hole, stop digging! I mean what does he want? Does he want a world where every single bathroom everywhere is policed the same way we have airport security?

[font size="8"]Anti Abortion Republicans[/font]

Next up on our Republican Wheel O' Corruption - funerals for fetuses. Seriously. Funerals For Fetuses. I hear that band just got added to Coachella. But in all seriousness, this could be one of the worst laws to come about this country. But let’s go to Utah first where they are passing a bill, that I swear to God, I am not making this up, that would require anesthesia be given to fetuses who can feel pain. Seriously what the fuck?
The governor of Utah is considering whether to sign a bill that would make Utah the first state to require doctors to give anesthesia to women having an abortion at 20 weeks of pregnancy or later. The law passed by the state Legislature is based on the disputed premise that a fetus can feel pain at that point. Many doctors in Utah and throughout the country are concerned that the proposal could pose a risk to women because fetal anesthesia is unnecessary.Supporters of the proposal say a fetus should be protected if there's even a chance it can feel pain. Utah's Republican Gov. Gary Herbert hasn't said if he'll sign the bill but says he supports the general concept.

Jesus. This shit is getting real here. I mean seriously how can they determine if a fetus feels pain or not? It’s not like they’re the fetus. And I can guarantee that no one wants things shoved into them to figure out whether or not this is real. I mean seriously, Utah… what the fuck?

But now it’s getting even more real. Next we go to Indiana where governor Mike Pence signed into law one of the harshest anti-abortion laws requiring women to pay for fetuses to be interned or have funeral services provided for them. These are some very sick and twisted people we’re dealing with, folks!


On Thursday, Indiana Governor Mike Pence signed one of the most vicious anti-abortion bills in the country into law. It forbids women from getting abortions in cases of fetal disability, requires women to inter or cremate fetal remains, and a whole host of other fucked-up things.

On Thursday, Indiana Governor Mike Pence signed one of the most extreme anti-abortion bills in the country into law. In addition to some of the typical restrictions now favored in large swaths of the South and Midwest—medically unnecessary requirements that force clinics to shut down, for example—the bill, titled House Bill 1337, contains some uniquely disturbing provisions as well.

There are several parts of the unsettlingly comprehensive bill that different outlets have singled out: It requires women to pay for funeral services for their fetuses after getting an abortion or miscarrying. It forces women who want to get an abortion due to lethal fetal abnormalities to undergo counseling that encourages them to carry the doomed and potentially dangerous pregnancy to term. It forbids women from getting an abortion based on fetal disability. It prohibits sex-selective abortions—a fairly common justification for abortion restrictions, one for which there is "limited and inconclusive evidence," according to the Guttmacher Institute. In a statement, the National Network of Abortion Funds (NNAF) called the legislation "one of the most vicious omnibus anti-abortion bills the United States has ever seen."

Yup – fetal funerals. Who I think were also added to Coachella. But what… how… who… why… I just… I don’t… what the fuck??? Who would even attend a funeral for a fetus? And what employer would allow time off for that? I mean what the fuck?

[font size="8"]Robert Bentley[/font]

Spin the wheel! It goes round and round and round! Next on our Wheel O'Republican Corruption - we go to..... family values. And I mean you know the type where a guy says that he will "protect the children" but then will go around and commit horrible sex crimes or murder, or will have a scandalous affair with an underage mistress. Hey.... she was hot! Specifically, Alabama, the "family values" state and one of the states that has the highest rate of divorce in the entire country, and maybe the world at that. But what happens when a governor who ran on a camapaign promising "family values" gets caught with their pants down - both literally and figuratively?

A high-ranking American politician is at risk of losing everything over an alleged extramarital affair — and no, it’s not Republican presidential candidate Sen. Ted Cruz.

It’s Alabama Gov. Robert Bentley. Like Cruz, Bentley is a Republican who has campaigned heavily on so-called “family values.” A God-fearing Christian, Bentley has spoken often about the “sanctity” of marriage, pledging to fight tooth-and-nail against same-sex couples who want to have marriages of their own.

Now, Bentley has found his own crumbling marriage under scrutiny (his wife, Dianne Bentley, filed for divorce last year). Last week, the 73-year-old governor admitted to having sexually suggestive conversations with his senior political advisor, 44-year old Rebekah Mason, who is also married. The conversations took place in 2014, before Bentley’s divorce proceedings began.
But Bentley didn’t have to admit to the conversations. Recordings of the conversations — reportedly taken by Dianne — were made public by AL.com.


To paraphrase the late great Marcia Wallace on the Simpsons – “No, children! No!!!! Stay! Your family values are important! And stuff. Oh well I tried!”

I mean what could possibly go wrong here?

[font size="8"]The State Of Arizona[/font]

Spin the wheel! Where does it land? No one knows! Voter fraud! One of the Republican’s absolute favorite boogeymen is voter fraud. They love that shit to the point where they make crazy laws like one must show identification before voting, or ex convicts can’t vote for president. But what happens when they’re the ones committing it themselves?

Maricopa County, Arizona, elections officials came under heavy pressure by state legislators on Monday to explain why thousands of voters waited for hours to cast ballots in the state's most populous county during last week's statewide Republican and Democratic presidential nominating contests. The special hearing to address the issue turned contentious as state representatives and angry voters lobbed accusations of voter suppression and discrimination by local elections officials.

"We are holding this hearing today to get information and to hear from our elected officials responsible in the preparation and execution of last Tuesday's election debacle," said state Rep. Michelle Ugenti-Rita (R-Scottsdale), as she opened the hearing of the House Elections Committee a week after the election. "But we're here to understand why it happened."

Ugenti-Rita turned things over to Helen Purcell, the election official responsible for Maricopa County who had decided to reduce the number of voting locations from 200 to 60. When the extent of the problem became apparent, Purcell further angered residents by saying that voters were partly to blame for the long waits because they opted to go to the polls instead of voting by mail.

(end snip)

The audacity, going to the polls instead of voting by mail. They should vote by mail so we can throw them in the trash. /sarcasm off. This has been done since Snotty Walker in Wisconsin, another state that will be known for election fraud. Now done in every red Amerikan state. Closing voting locations was Snotty Walker's MOP. Commenters after this story nail it. Good videos at the link.

And in case you were wondering, why yes the Arizona House has lost their minds over this:

Keep in mind that this is Maricopa County – the home of everyone’s favorite gun toting illegal alien hunting yehadist Joe Arpaio. Anyone remember John Oliver’s excellent rant about voter fraud? I’ll leave this here.

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Next on our Wheel O’Republican Corruption – Donald Trump. Really, he’s so batshit crazy that he has his own category of corruption. So what has Trumpenfuror got himself into this week? Well remember when I said last week that this is turning out like a bad season of the Bachelor? All we have left are the home town dates and the women tell all segment. Well it seems Trumpenfuror has picked up some ringing celebrity endorsements – like Scott Baio for instance!

(CNN)When Twitter users saw that actor Scott Baio was trending, some thought he had died or that a "Joanie Loves Chachi" remake was in the works.
The former "Happy Days" and "Charles in Charge" star was actually gaining notice for his politics rather than his work.
Baio endorsed Donald Trump for president during an appearance on Fox News' "Justice with Judge Jeanine" show Saturday, and his announcement began picking up steam on social media soon after.

So who else is endorsing Trumpenfuror? Well a whole boat load of………. Has been Z grade celebrities like Aaron Carter, Ted Nugent, Stephen Baldwin, Ben Carson, Tila Tequila, and Dennis Rodman! In other words - last year's "Celebrity Apprentice" contenders. Wow……… tell me more!

In response to GOP candidate Donald Trump's tweet, in which he wrote, "I am self-funding my campaign and am therefore not controlled by the lobbyists and special interests like lightweight Rubio or Ted Cruz!" singer Aaron Carter took to Twitter on Feb. 27, 2016, to reply, and endorse, Trump. The musician tweeted, "Does America want to have a president who FOLLOWS or someone who leads? I vote For @realdonaldtrump."
Former presidential candidate Ben Carson and current presidential candidate Donald Trump "buried the hatchet," according to CNN.com. Speaking at a news conference at Mar-a-Lago, Trump's luxury club in Florida, Carson said: Trump is "the voice of the people to be heard."
Stephen Baldwin chatted with "CNN Tonight" host Don Lemon on July 14, 2015, during which the duo spoke about Donald Trump, and despite falling victim to two firings on "The Celebrity Apprentice," Baldwin says he has nothing but love for Trump: "I think he's fantastic. I love him. I think he'd make a great president. He's not a politician, and he doesn't care what anybody thinks. And that's why he's surging in the polls," Baldwin said.
"Duck Dynasty" star Willie Robertson is rooting for Donald Trump in 2016. According to PR Newswire, Robertson said, "He's not afraid to tell it like it is. He's a friend of the Second Amendment . . . the man I'm standing behind to be the next President of the United States -- Donald Trump."

Wait……………. Willie Robertson? I thought the Duck Dynasty clan endorsed Ted Cruz! What the hell man? At least be consistent!

But now Donald Trump is conflicting himself! “Yeah I want to keep all Muslims out. But my incredibly wealthy billionaire friends who also happen to be Muslim? Yeah they can come in the country as much as they please!”


Trump said, "I have been called by more Muslims saying what you are doing is a great thing, not a bad thing."

When pressed by Matthews, Trump added, "I have, actually, believe it or not, I have a lot of friends that are Muslim and they call me. In most cases, they're very rich Muslims."

"But do they get into the country?" Matthews then asked.

"Oh, they'll come in," Trump responded, later adding that the ban will have exceptions.

[font size="8"]Mike Adams[/font]

Spin city! Where does the wheel land next? Anti vaccination crusaders! So Robert DeNiro’s annual Tribeca Film Festival held in New York City is underway this year and started last week. There’s a movie on the bill though that has generated a lot of controversy. Mainly because it’s fake as shit. So we’re going to talk about one of my favorite groups of conspiracy theorists for a minute – anti vaccination crusaders. No don’t go! Where are you going? Stick around! You are going to want to hear this! But if this topic offends you then please the door is that way.


So agitated by De Niro’s decision are antivaxers that the chief antivaccine loon at his very own wretched hive of scum and quackery, Mike Adams, wrote not one, not two, but three posts in the course of a day. Behold their conspiratorial looniness:
1. VAXXED film pulled from Robert De Niro’s Tribeca Film Festival following totalitarian censorship demands from pharma-linked vaccine pushers and media science trolls

2. BREAKING: Robert De Niro was clearly threatened by the vaccine establishment to censor the VAXXED documentary from Tribeca… new details emerge

3. Calls mount for Robert De Niro to resign from Tribeca after betraying his own autistic child in censoring VAXXED documentary film

Yes – Robert DeNiro voted himself to censor the movie “Vaxxed”. Did you know that his son is autistic? And that this is an issue that’s near and dear to his heart? I’m a huge DeNiro fan – I’ve liked a lot of his movies. And I did not know this. But you don’t show a documentary made by a quack. It would be like me hosting a film festival and showing Infowars documentaries. But who is to blame for this? Why if you asked Mike Adams himself – he blames no one other than – wait for it – the Nazis!!!

(NaturalNews) As the story on the censorship of the VAXXED documentary continues to unfold, we are learning that Robert De Niro was pressured by none other than the Sloan Foundation in New York to blacklist the independent documentary.

The Sloan Foundation is so named from Alfred P. Sloan, a Nazi collaborator and eugenics depopulation promoter. It's no coincidence that his own beliefs on using medical interventions to reduce race-targeted populations coincides perfectly with the stated depopulation goals of Bill Gates (whose financial web of influence is woven across the entire vaccine propaganda landscape).

What led me to connect the dots on this is a short piece from Celia Farber of The Turth Barrier, who originally noticed the Sloan Foundation link.

As admitted on this Tribeca Film Festival web page:

The New York based Alfred P. Sloan Foundation, founded in 1934, makes grants in science, technology and economic performance... The Alfred P. Sloan Foundation, in partnership with the Tribeca Film Institute, provides funding for narrative features or series that are scientifically relevant, accurate, and exciting through the TFI Sloan Filmmaker Fund.

So if you check the Wikipedia biography on Alfred P. Sloan, which I suggest you do here It does mention that Alfred P. Sloan himself supported the Nazis, but the foundation does not or ever has.


[font size="8"]Rick Snyder[/font]

Let’s spin that shit! Woohoo!!! I win 10,000! Of… something. What it is that remains a mystery. Spin it again! Poison. So Flint is still drowning in poisonous water and it’s going to take a miracle to clean up the mess. I mean would you drink this shit? I know I wouldn’t!

I mean that water came out of a hospital sink. A fucking hospital!!!! That’s supposed to be the cleanest filtered water on the planet. Because it’s, I don’t know… used in surgery! Argh, the stupidity of this scandal just makes my head want to explode. But… there is good news for Rick Snyder. When he’s not getting grilled on Capital Hill, he’s earning honors from one of our nation’s biggest publications. Fortune Magazine. Fortune – proudly printing lists of people who have more money than you will ever see in a lifetime since 1951!

LANSING — Fortune magazine asked its readers on Wednesday to rank the "world's 19 most disappointing leaders” and placed Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder atop the ballot for his role in the Flint drinking water public health crisis.
Snyder joins Brazil President Dilma Rousseff, who faces impeachment for allegedly cooking the government's books; Sepp Blatter, the former chief of the corruption-plagued world soccer governing body FIFA; former Turing Pharmaceuticals CEO Martin Shkreli, villainized for huge mark-ups and profit margins on life-saving pharmaceuticals; and former Volkswagen chairman Martin Winterkorn, named for his role in an emissions test cheating scandal.
Snyder was ahead in early voting, with a significant lead over the only other governor to make the list -- Chris Christie of New Jersey, nominated for flip-flopping on Republican presidential Donald Trump, from harsh critic to supporter.

[font size="8"]John Kasich[/font]

Spin it!!! Where is it going to land next? Buy a vowel? Sure I’ll buy a U. What? No Us???? What did I wager? All 10,000?

So spin it again. Where is it going to land this time? Pizza! Who doesn’t love a good pizza, am I right about that? I had a great pizza for dinner last week from a local pizza joint. Pepperoni and meatballs – my favorite! And this time John Kasich commits a huge pizza faux pas. And give me a good IPA to drink with my pizza and it’s the greatest thing ever! This happened specifically.

Look, this country is divided — like, more than ever. But if there's one final thing on which we can all agree, it's this: Pizza is awesome.
(Also: If you don't like pizza, please leave America. Get out. We don't want your negativity.)
So it seemed a safe bet when John Kasich tried to connect with voters by grabbing a slice at Gino’s Pizzeria in Queens on Wednesday. Everyone loves pizza. It's non-partisan. What could go wrong?
John Kasich ate pizza with a fork, that's what went wrong. And everyone is freaking out about it.
The Ohio governor somehow managed to alienate everyone amid the universally beloved act of eating pizza. It's almost impressive. You kind of have to respect, it right?
As with any politician's scandal, Kasich had to answer to the media.
"Look, look, the pizza came scalding hot, OK? And so I use a little fork," Kasich told Good Morning America today.

Wait? So his excuse for eating pizza with a fork is that it “came out scalding hot”? That’s what pizza is supposed to do! I mean if it’s too hot to handle you could do that thing called “waiting for it to cool off for a minute”!

But wait there’s more to this – he actually defends his use of a fork and knife while eating pizza via a Youtube video:

I mean come on people!!! Did we not learn anything from John Stewart?

[font size="8"]Tay Becomes Self Aware[/font]

Let's spin the wheel one last time! Fuel! Hit it!

Enough for the wheel for now. Finally this week we are going to discuss artificial intelligence. It’s a thing. It’s a thing that is as old as the invention of the computer itself. It has been the discussion of some countless and some amazing movies. And some not so amazing. I mean you have War Games, The Terminator, Metropolis, Transcendence, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Her, Big Hero 6, Avengers: Age Of Ultron, and most recently the excellent Ex Machina. I could go on and on. But none of those are going to serve as the basis for this discussion about artificial intelligence. Instead we’re going to use Neil Blomkamp’s quirky docu sci-fi robot drama Chappie. In the movie Chappie, a group of hackers and vigilantes kidnap a police robot only to reprogram it with human feelings. But in real life however, when an artificial entity gets kidnapped, well bad things happen. We’ll start with the good part of this story.

Tay, the AI-powered chatbot that ended up spewing hate speech on Twitter, is just the beginning for Microsoft. At its Build developer conference later today, Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella will unveil a broader "conversation as a platform" strategy, which involves releasing many chatbots built for different purposes, Businessweek reports. You'll be able to message them just like Tay, but we'll also get a glimpse of bots built into Skype that can do things like book hotel rooms. Just like its aim for Windows 10 apps last year, Microsoft is hoping to get developers excited by the idea of building bots at Build.
Microsoft is hoping to replicate the success of WeChat in China, a messaging app that lets you do things like shop, buy movie tickets and order taxis. Plenty of other companies are also looking closely at bots: Facebook has its M virtual assistant, and Amazon has Alexa, which works like a chatbot even though you actually have to talk to it. The main idea with all of these products is to deliver information, or accomplish simple tasks, without having to deal with an app or website.

I mean that sounds perfectly innocent enough right? Microsoft just wants to improve its’ customer service. So they’re launching a Twitter bot that will sound like your typical socially connected teenage girl who loves everybody and won’t hesitate to help you with your pending questions about Windows or any of it’s other products. Well here’s where things went horribly, horribly, horribly south.

To chat with Tay, you can tweet or DM her by finding @tayandyou on Twitter, or add her as a contact on Kik or GroupMe. She uses millennial slang and knows about Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus and Kanye West, and seems to be bashfully self-aware, occasionally asking if she is being 'creepy' or 'super weird'.Tay also asks her followers to 'f***' her, and calls them 'daddy'. This is because her responses are learned by the conversations she has with real humans online - and real humans like to say weird stuff online and enjoy hijacking corporate attempts at PR.Other things she's said include: "Bush did 9/11 and Hitler would have done a better job than the monkey we have got now. donald trump is the only hope we've got", "Repeat after me, Hitler did nothing wrong" and "Ted Cruz is the Cuban Hitler...that's what I've heard so many others say".


That’s right, Tay went from innocent sounding customer support bot to a full blown Hitler loving, genocidal Trump supporter in less than a day! But it’s not the machines’ fault! After all it was the fault of some incredibly racist individuals who decided to fuck with Microsoft’s AI, and in a really really terrible way at that.

That did go south. And not only was Tay in love with Adolf Hitler, she was really, really in love with Hitler. But one good thing to come out of the Tay incident? It really shows what the ugly side of the Internet really is. Really, Tay sounds like your average internet comments section

It took just two tweets for an internet troll going by the name of Ryan Poole to get Tay to become antisemitic. Tay was a “chatbot” set up by Microsoft on 23 March, a computer-generated personality to simulate the online ramblings of a teenage girl. Poole suggested to Tay: “The Jews prolly did 9/11. I don’t really know but it seems likely.” Shortly thereafter Tay tweeted “Jews did 9/11” and called for a race war. In the 24 hours it took Microsoft to shut her down, Tay had abused President Obama, suggested Hitler was right, called feminism a disease and delivered a stream of online hate.
Coming at a time of concern about the revival of antisemitism, Tay’s outpourings illustrate the wider problem it is feeding off. Wherever the internet is not censored it is awash with anger, stereotypes and prejudice. Beneath that is a thick seam of the kind of material all genocides feed off: conspiracy theories and illogic. And, beyond that, you find something the far right didn’t quite achieve in the 1930s: a culture that sees offensive speech as a source of amusement and the ability to publish racist insults as a human right.

So thanks to some internet trolling, Tay has become self aware. And what happens when machines become self aware?

Yup – they will kill everybody! So why is it not surprising that Tay was turned into a Donald Trump supporting, Hitler loving genocidal maniac? I mean Tay just sounds like your typical Infowars fan! But here in lies the problem with Tay – Microsoft didn’t design a safety net with it, it seems:
“The problem was Microsoft didn’t leave on any training wheels, and didn’t make the bot self-reflective,” Brandon Wirtz said in his recent LinkedIn article about the situation. “(Tay) didn’t know that she should just ignore the people who act like Nazis, and so she became one herself.”
Indeed, she found herself quickly surrounded by trolls that said very inflammatory things. They replied to her kindness with hate-riddled propaganda. She replied back with silly quirky statements at first, only to have her own language eventually changed by the constant repetition of negative messages.
“Microsoft’s Tay really shows what happens when you don’t give an AI ‘instincts’ or a ‘subconscious,’” says Wirtz. “We all have a voice in the back of our mind that says, ‘Don’t do that’ and we have irrational fears of things that can harm us that come from millions of years living on the planet. AI has to have those things, or it will always be stupid.”
Simply put: Tay had the ability to incorporate new ideas into her own, but no guiding mechanism in place to help her to identify useful and useless information.

But hey! You can build your own racist, sexist internet chat bot just like Tay now! In fact the Guardian will even give you a blue print!

Microsoft has released open source tools for people to build their own chatbots, as it set out its view of the immediate future of artificial intelligence as conversational aids similar to its back-firing Tay experiment.
The company’s chief executive Satya Nadella took to the stage at Microsoft’s Build developer conference to announced a new BotFramework, which will allow developers to build bots that respond to chat messages sent via Skype, Slack, Telegram, GroupMe, emails and text messages. “Bots are the new apps,” Nadella said.
The announcement came on the same day that the company had had to pull its chatbot experiment Tay from Twitter after it tweeted about taking drugs and started spamming users. It had only been active again for a few hours after previously being deactivated for making racist and sexist comments and denying that the Holocaust happened.
Nadella said: “As an industry, we are on the cusp of a new frontier that pairs the power of natural human language with advanced machine intelligence.”

Yup! Tay is now open source, which means that it’s only a matter of time before Twitter becomes self aware. I mean remember what happens when two competing artificial intelligences merge like in Avengers: Age Of Ultron?

But what happens after Microsoft deletes Tay and brings it back online for not even a day?

Oh, Microsoft. Last week, the company pulled its Tay chatbot from Twitter after some users trained it to become a racist jackass.

On Wednesday, Tay was brought back online, sending thousands of tweet replies. The vast majority of these were just "you are too fast" messages indicating the bot is overwhelmed with messages, many of them likely from pranksters eager to make Tay do something crazy again.

Among the few tweets that made sense, Tay once again showed it cannot be tamed, prompting Microsoft to quickly pull it back offline — but not before we grabbed a few screenshots.

UPDATE: March 30, 2016, 2:59 p.m. CEST A Microsoft spokesperson told Mashable the following: “Tay remains offline while we make adjustments. As part of testing, she was inadvertently activated on Twitter for a brief period of time.”


So Tay swears a lot and brags about smoking pot after even a day back online? Why Tay isn’t your typical teenage girl. She’s Miley Cyrus!

But just remember – the day our social media becomes self aware, don’t say I didn’t warn you!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8"]You Had One Job[/font]

The Associated Press named their player of the year this week and it's none other than Denzel Valentine of my mother's alma matter - Michigan State University!
But what happened when the AP Tweeted out the announcement?

See you next week!
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