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Initech's Journal
Initech's Journal
December 21, 2017

Top 10 Conservative Idiots: The Complete Third Season: Mad Country

Top 10 Conservative Idiots: The Complete Third Season: Mad Country

Season 2: https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029078791
Season 1: https://www.democraticunderground.com/1016169212

Welcome back to the complete episodic recap of the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! So we survived Donald Trump's first year of his presidency, and as you can imagine it was a huge disaster. So much that we had to devote our entire season finale to recapping the whole damn year in six short entries. Yes that's not always possible but sometimes it happens. Anyway since so much crazy shit happened in the year that was 2018, that from June when we started this season, through December, there's just too much news to be able to handle. So like we've done with seasons 1 and 2 so far, here's every edition of the half year from June - December of 2017. You had it all - you had treason. You had Vice President Peter Griffin. You had national anthem protests. You had disasters and mass shootings. And the hot workplace sex. Don't forget the hot workplace sex. Well, it was more creepy than hot. Anyway these 27 editions are here for your enjoyment and my comedy. And we'll be continuing to title our seasons to mirror that of one of my favorite shows on TV right now - Gotham. Season 3 of Gotham is titled Mad City, so we'll be calling this one "Mad Country". Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

Edition #3-1: Mad Country: The Kids Are Alt Right Edition (6/7/17)

To start season 3, we introduce our beautiful brand new set. Donald Trump pulls out of the Paris Climate Change Accord, pissing off nearly the entire world. Trump also reacts very poorly to a recent terrorist attack in London, and his ties to the Mafia are exposed when 19 members of a notorious New York Crime Family are arrested. Ivanka Trump celebrates Memorial Day with champagne popsicles. Kentucky governor Matt Bevin and the Oregon GOP offer insane alternatives to dealing with public violence. We consult the Free Speech Police about last week’s edition of Real Time With Bill Maher, where he might have said something racist. And we play a game of “Who’s The Snowflake”. And finally this week we take the first leg of our Top 10 Conservative Idiots World Tour 2017, with the first destination being none other than Viva La France!
Live Musical Guest: Flogging Molly

Edition #3-2: Mad Country: Don’t Beauregard That Joint Edition (6/14/17)

We pay tribute to the late, great Adam West. Donald Trump shoots himself in the foot over the Comey testimony. Meanwhile offering his own, and someone called “Reality Winner” is claiming NSA secrets. Ivanka Trump makes a case for the world’s tiniest violin. We try the new Covfefe Cocktail at the DC Bar in Washington, DC. We ask “Sharia Law Protestors – How Are They Still A Thing?”. John McCain gives bizarre testimony on Capital Hill while offering an equally bizarre excuse. Evergreen College loses control of its’ students after an inquiry about the school’s racial policies goes horribly south. We debut two new features on the show – “This Fucking Guy” where we nominate crazy religious zealots, and Megyn Kelly probably shouldn’t have had Alex Jones on her show. And finally this week we take the second leg of our Top 10 Conservative Idiots World Tour 2017, with the second destination being none other than France’s neighbors, Italy!
Live Musical Guest: Case/Lang/Veirs

Edition #3-3: Wheel Of Corruption: The Curse Of The Black Pearl Edition (6/21/17)

Alex Jones goes nuclear during his interview with Megyn Kelly. Dangerous political rhetoric becomes a real problem when a lone guy with a gun takes his frustrations out on a practice for the Congressional Baseball game. Trump supporters go nuclear in their hatred of liberals. Julius Caesar plays get interrupted and Trump supporters launch a wave of death threats aimed at the wrong theater. Dave Daubenmire gets this week’s “This Fucking Guy” award. Trump cries that he’s the victim of a political witch hunt and lies about his poll numbers. Gene Simmons attempts to patent the rock n’ roll devil horns. We play another round of “Who’s The Snowflake?”. Franklin Graham shows an extreme level of Christian hypocrisy. All this plus we hit the third installment of our World Tour 2017 and discuss the corporate greed and political turmoil that is hitting the ancient nation of Greece pretty hard.
Live Musical Guest: Against Me!

Edition #3-4: Mad Country: Everybody’s Lawyering Up For The Weekend Edition (6/28/17)

Details of the GOP’s healthcare bill are released, and it’s not good. In fact it gives more to the rich and less to the poor. Mike Cernovich gets caught paying protestors. Many members of the conservative media are advocating for civil war. We enlist the help of the Dude and Walter to solve the mystery of the Yukon’s missing toe. We turn the tables on those trying to get Nancy Pelosi fired. Trump gloats about the GOP’s big win in Georgia’s 6th, but exactly how big of a win was it? We also ask “Project Veritas: How Is This Still A Thing?”. And finally this week we take the fourth leg of our Top 10 Conservative Idiots World Tour 2017, with the fourth destination being none other than Ireland – an island country with a rich history, some of the most beautiful scenery you’ve ever seen, and run by some of the ugliest people you’ve ever seen!
Live Musical Guest: Depeche Mode

*Top 10 takes a week off for July 4th weekend*

Edition #3-5:Mad Country: Diary Of A Wimpy Trump Edition (7/12/17)

Trump goes to Poland as a part of his World Deplorable Tour 2017 and has supporters bussed in from all over Poland. Trump meets with Putin like a kid getting sent to the principal’s office, while Donald Trump Jr drops a bombshell about Trump’s Russian dealings. A Reddit user earns international notoriety after Trump tweets a meme he created. Jury selection for the Martin Shkreli trial begins. We open up the Top 10 Home Shopping Network to compare merchandise sold on Alex Jones’ Infowars and Gwenyth Paltrow’s GOOP. Alex Jones has a batshit crazy theory involving NASA, children, and Mars. Chris Christie spends his July 4th giving the middle finger to New Jersey. Hobby Lobby CEO Steve Green gets caught smuggling ancient religious artifacts to build a religious museum. We tell you about some stupid people. All this plus the next edition of our World Tour is going to Merry Old England! Keep calm and chive on, and don’t forget to mind the gap!
Live Musical Guest: Iron Maiden

Edition #3-6: Mad Country: Little Douche Coup Edition (7/19/17)

Donald Trump Jr. flat out literally admits to committing treason. Trump’s idea of a “Made In America” week backfires on him spectacularly. We explore a member of Trump’s attorney team – Rob Goldstone and his unusual love of odd hats. Jeff Sessions and Donald Trump both invite known hate groups and pastors to the White House for separate prayer sessions. Kid Rock and Caitlyn Jenner both consider running for Senate. Sean Hannity lives in an alternate universe. Ann Coulter goes apeshit after getting her seat moved on a Delta Airlines flight. We tell you some more tales of some absolutely ridiculously stupid people. And finally this week we take the sixth leg of our Top 10 Conservative Idiots World Tour 2017, with the sixth destination being none other than the original home of Oktoberfest, Germany!
Live Musical Guest: KMFDM

Edition #3-7: Wheel Of Corruption: Dead Man’s Chest Edition (7/27/17)

Jared Kushner lies to the Senate Intelligence Committee about his ties to Russian diplomats – again and again. Trump hires a new White House communications director who may be the most Trump-esque hire he’s had to date. Trump speaks in front of the annual Boy Scout Jamboree in West Virginia and turns it into a Nazi rally. Sean Spicer quits the Trump administration and steals a mini refrigerator from the WH press briefing room. Chris Christie gets added to “People Who Somehow Got Elected”. We also explore how Dana Rohrabacher is still a Congressman. The alt right holds a protest in front of CNN’s Atlanta headquarters and nobody shows up. We explore the batshit insane commentary from conservative fire brand Wayne Allen Root in “This Fucking Guy”. OJ Simpson gets paroled and we talk about a bizarre job offer for him. And finally this week we take the seventh leg of our Top 10 Conservative Idiots World Tour 2017, we head up north to the land of cross country skiing, death metal, lutefisk, and Vikings as we visit Norway!
Live Musical Guest: Ulver

Edition #3-8: Mad Country: Nobody Beats The Mooch! Edition (8/2/17)

The GOP’s latest attempt to repeal Obamacare and replace it crashed and burned like Wiley Coyote trying to catch the Road Runner. We explore the morning drive time banter between Donald Trump and Anthony Scarmucci in “DT & The Mooch” before he got fired. Trump bans transgender people from serving in the military, only that was a lie. Sarah Huckabee Sanders exploits a 9 year old for partisan politics and we contemplate what a Trump themed birthday party might look like. We trash Trump’s taste in interior decorating after he tells club members that the White House is a “dump”. Trump also gives an extremely divisive speech in front of a police department who’s being investigated for shady activity. Climate change deniers are in full denial mode when some alarming new stats are released in light of Al Gore’s latest documentary. We ask – “The Seth Rich Conspiracy: How Is This Still A Thing?”. We also tell you about the seedy underbelly behind the megachurch Hillsong that Justin Beiber joined. And finally this week we take the eighth leg of our Top 10 Conservative Idiots World Tour 2017, where we find that anything goes in Sweden – including your online privacy!
Live Musical Guest: Ghost

Edition #3-9: Mad Country: 2 Fiery 2 Furious Edition (8/9/17)

It’s quite possible that Trump could lead the whole world into nuclear armageddon by threatening North Korea. Trump also takes his first vacation, although we’re not exactly sure from what. Sinclair Broadcasting Group bring a dictator-esque version of state run television to the United States. Dan Patrick reveals that the state’s war on sanctuary cities was really just about putting democrats in their place. We detail a lot of the Alt Right’s fury including Stephen Miller possibly taking over for Angry Spice, Richard Spencer’s planned Nazi KKK rally in Virginia, 4Chan’s scam against Starbucks, the Alt Right’s Google boycott, and a t-shirt company’s ill fated attempt to bring back the swastika. Bob Murray sues John Oliver for defamation and the ACLU’s briefing on the case is one of the funniest things ever. We debut a new segment called “Holy Shit” detailing the Bible Studies taking place in the White House. We ask “Hating Colin Kaepernick – how is this still a thing?”. And we also tell you some astonishing tales of some incredibly stupid people in “People Are Dumb”. And finally this week we take the ninth leg of our Top 10 Conservative Idiots World Tour 2017, with the ninth (NEIN!!!!) destination being none other than the land of chocolate, waffles, and beer - Belgium!
Live Musical Guest: Portugal The Man

Edition #3-10: Mad Country: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Hitler Edition (8/16/17)

What starts as an alt right rally at the University Of Virginia turns into an absolute clusterfuck when riots break out and a Dodge Challenger plows into a group of protestors. The Alt Right makes excuses for why it turned out the way the rally did. Meanwhile, in Washington, Trump gives a speech that was supposed to denounce the violence, except he failed at that. Trump also escalates his feud with Kim Jon Un and takes the fight to Venezuela. We recap the week’s insane rantings from the religious right in a new installment of “Holy Shit”. The Alt Right makes Google their new asshole in response to the way Google fired a developer for circulating a memo questioning the company’s hiring practices. “Dr.” Sebastian Gorka gets profiled in “This Fucking Guy”. We ask how Blackwater is still a thing . We tell you about some more tales of some ridiculously stupid people including Wal-Mart’s poor taste back to school display. And we end this week with the next stop on our World Tour where we head to the land of canals, bikes, legal marijuana, and possible food poisoning as we visit The Netherlands!
Live Musical Guest: Blink 182

Edition #3-11: Mad Country: Heel The Nation (The Weeping Nazi) Edition (8/24/17)

The Alt Right’s “free speech” rallies get drowned out in various cities around the country. Alt Right activists cry foul when they’re outed as Nazis. Trump fired Steve Bannon, and he is going to war with the Trump administration now that he’s back at Breitbart. We also recap Trump's insane Afghanistan speech where he walks back a major campaign promise about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. After protests in Charlottesville and Boston, Trump also attempts to “heel the nation” in a hilariously misspelled tweet. Thanks to Trump's comments, his mega mansion Mar-A-Lago is losing business left and right in response. In another segment of "Holy Shit", Jerry Falwell Jr is angering Liberty University graduates through his continued support of Trump’s reckless policies while Trump's biggest supporters - the religious right - are convinced he was installed by God. Alex Jones attempts “man on the street” interviews and they backfire on him spectacularly. We have another installment of “People Are Dumb” because there’s a lot of stupid people out there. And finally this week we take the eleventh leg of our Top 10 Conservative Idiots World Tour 2017, with the eleventh destination being none other than Czech Republic!
Live Musical Guest: 311

Edition #3-12: Wheel Of Corruption: On Stranger Tides Edition (8/30/17)

We talk heavily about Trump’s reaction to Hurricane Harvey which destroys Houston – and it goes about as well as you might expect. Sheriff Joe gets a presidential pardon amid rising racial tension growing in America. Fundamentalist prosperity gospel preacher Joel Osteen closes his Houston megachurch in the wake of the horrific flooding of Houston. Trump also escalates his ban on transgender troops serving in the military. A right wing protest group called Patriot Prayer plans a rally in San Francisco but gets shut down by just about everyone in the city. We tell you how you can better get to know your Alt Right. Alex Jones loses it big time, and we recommend products from the Infowars store for you to buy. We profile Roger Stone in this week’s “This Fucking Guy”. We tell you yet more tales of some really stupid people including an unbelievable broadcasting flub from ESPN. And finally this week, we end with the latest stop in our ongoing World Tour 2017 – we’re going on a safari as we head to South Africa!
Live Musical Guest: Mumford & Sons feat. Baaba Maal & Beatenburg

*Top 10 takes a week off for Labor Day*

Edition #3-13: Mad Country: Stop Making Insanely Good Sense Edition (9/13/17)

Not even a week after Hurricane Harvey utterly destroys Houston, Hurricane Irma looks to ravage Florida, and Trump is more concerned that the poor, down trodden uber rich aren’t getting their fair share. We explore Trump’s spirituality or complete lack thereof. Meanwhile in Miami, Rush Limbaugh mocks Irma as a liberal conspiracy, then skips town. Virgin Atlantic CEO’s Richard Branson’s private island gets destroyed in the hurricane. We explore a new segment called “This Week In Hate”. Martin Shkreli wants to “Bring Da Ruckus” in his security fraud trial by selling his copy of the Wu-Tang Clan’s album. The Alt Right turns their creep factor up way past 11 in their lust of pop star Taylor Swift. We have a special hurricane edition of “People Are Dumb”, because even the hurricane didn’t stop the stupids. And finally this week we take the thirteenth leg of our Top 10 Conservative Idiots World Tour 2017, and we are headed to South America to visit one of the biggest countries in the world, the almighty Brazil!
Live Musical Guest: Sepultura

Edition #3-14: Mad Country: First Amendment And Boobs Edition (9/20/17)

The Alt Right's "Mother Of All Rallies" is a colossal disaster. Another Alt Right rally in Virginia aimed at protecting a confederate monument goes bust. Talk of nuclear war escalates between the US and North Korea, and Trump is only making this worse when he gives a terrifying speech to the UN. Trump's attorneys were caught openly blabbing information about the Trump - Russia investigations in front of the New York Times building. Alex Jones thinks Donald Trump's drinks are being drugged. Our segment "Holy Shit" is back because right wing religious zealots are ramping up their war against LGBT Americans in unbelievably horrifying ways. We tell you about more tales of stupid people including the Mad Pooper from Colorado Springs and a German guy who attempted to have sex with a bar bell weight. Gene Simmons wants to sell you a box set for $50,000. And we end by visiting the next stop of our world tour as we visit a country with the highest elevations and the lowest points on earth - Argentina!
Live Musical Guest: Imagine Dragons

Edition #3-15: Mad Country: Diary Of A Wimpy Trump: Dotard Days Edition (9/27/17)

Trump's Alabama rally for Luther Strange takes a turn when he denounces Colin Kaepernick from last year's kneeling protests and all hell breaks loose. This causes a divide in the NFL with teams standing against Trump and a small number of teams for Trump's insane rant. Trump calls Kim Jong Un "Little Rocket Man" while talks of nuclear war escalate, while Un refers to Trump as a "dotard". NASCAR on the other hand sides with Trump and announces it will fire anyone who protests the national anthem. In another edition of "Holy Shit", the religious right is cranking the crazy up way past 11 when it comes to the national anthem protests in the NFL. We profile Roy Moore's list of ultra extreme right wing friends in "This Fucking Guy". Alex Jones has some angry tirades on Jimmy Kimmel and the NFL anthem protests. We have more tales of incredibly stupid people to tell you about. All this plus the next stop on our World Tour - it's the land of the Statue Of Liberty, the home of musicals, and the land of the Yankees as we visit New York! (New York City????)
Live Musical Guest: Gogol Bordello

Edition #3-16: Mad Country: The Wrong Remains The Same Edition (10/6/17)

We talk about the aftermath of the worst terrorist attack in US History. Alex Jones attempts to justify the Vegas shooting as a liberal conspiracy. Bill O'Reilly attempts to justify mass murder as "being the price of freedom". Donald Trump calls the Vegas shooting a "miracle". Donald Trump's trip to Puerto Rico is as much of a disaster as the hurricane itself. In another edition of "Holy Shit", we denounce the religious rights' attempts to justify the Vegas shooting as being the work of a wrathful god taking his revenge out on sinners. The alt right is back in the news and Vox Day has a line of comic books he wants to sell you that nobody is going to read. We bring up the tragic death of Tom Petty to illustrate the harm fake news does to society. We debut a new segment called "Beating A Dead Horse" - Trump still won't let the NFL protesting madness slide. In "I Need A Drink", George Foreman wants to fight Russian bot Steven Segal. And we end with the next stop of our World Tour where I get to spend some time in my home state of California!
Live Musical Guest: Green Day

Edition #3-17: Wheel Of Corruption: At World's End Edition (10/11/17)

In the aftermath of the Vegas shooting, the GOP pro gun talking points come full circle. Gun Nut Apologists go out in full force to protect mass killing machines from being banned. We discuss a controversial gun attachment device called a "bump stock". Mike Pence uses government money to stage a publicity stunt to give the middle finger to the 49ers. Donald Trump attacks members of his own party and goes rogue in his quest to bring World War III to the masses. White male social justice warriors take it out on Bethesda during the forthcoming release of "Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus", while Milo Yiannopolous and Richard Spencer get kicked out of a bar doing a Nazi salute during karaoke. Harvey Weinstein becomes a member of the coveted Pussy Grabber's Club along with Screen Junkies' Andy Signore. We have another installment of "Holy Shit" - where, in the name of JAY-SUS, the Christian right are about to unleash the horror known as "religious freedom" upon the entire country. In "People Are Dumb", we switch it up with our own interpretation of the Doors' classic "People Are Strange" and tell you about fails from the Los Angeles Chargers and our old pal Florida Man. And we end with the next stop of our world tour as we visit the land of the rising sun, Japan - a fascinating place run by some really horrible people!
Live Musical Guest: X Japan

Edition #3-18: Mad Country: You Knew The Job Was Dangerous When You Took It Edition (10/18/17)

In a very special 2 part installment of "Holy Shit", we recap all the insanity going down at the annual Values Voters Summit - which is different this year because Trump addressed a known hate group. Trump rescinds an Obama era deal with Iran that could possibly start World War III. Trump calls the widow of an American soldier killed in Niger and makes some completely insensitive and reckless remarks. We take a look at some batshit crazy stories involving the GOP that may have slipped through the cracks. We ask - "Newt Gingrich's career - How Is This Still A Thing?". We discuss the dangers of a Mike Pence presidency in the event that Trump is impeached. Lindsay Lohan defends Harvey Weinstein. In "I Need A Drink", we explore the craze at your local McDonalds courtesy of the hit show Rick & Morty and their love of the discontinued Szechwan Sauce. And the next stop of our World Tour 2017 does it Gangnam Style as we visit the De-Militarized Zone and the nation of South Korea!
Live Musical Guest: BTS

Edition #3-19: Mad Country: The New Adventures Of Robin Trump & Liddle Bob Edition (10/25/17)

The Alt Right gets taken down a peg after supporters of Richard Spencer are convinced they're fighting a race war and literally fire the first shots. Richard Spencer has a rally at the University of Florida and gets heckled, while planning to sue universities who won't hire him to speak, and that won't end well. Nobody wants to attend Mike Pence's upcoming GOP fundraiser in Denver, Colorado. We also open up the Top 10 Home Shopping Network to tell you about a bizarre new Trump related product. Barstool Sports gets a show cancelled after one episode because of their disgusting behavior. In "Holy Shit", we profile some extreme conspiracy theories coming from the End Times worshippers about the Vegas shooting, Hollywood, and LGBT rights. Alex Jones loses it when discussing drag queens reading books to school children, while the products sold on Infowars.com may contain sperm killing led. Jenna Jameson has a beef with Playboy over hiring a transgender model. We have another installment of "People Are Dumb" talking about some bizarre crimes committed by our friend Florida Man, and Donald Trump Jr. Finally we end this week with another segment of our World Tour - this time heading to China - a country that could possibly kill us all, but not for the reasons you might think!
Live Musical Guest: Macklemore

Edition #3-20: Mad Country: The David Cop-A-Feel & Friends Hour Edition (11/1/17)

The White Male Groper's Club adds some very high profile new members including several high profile actors and a former president accused of sexual assault. Whitefish Energy is under hot water after attempting to get an unprecedented contract to rebuild Puerto Rico despite that the company has just two employees. Paul Manafort turns himself into the FBI amid accusations of conspiring to collude with Russia. The Alt Right's latest attempt to stage a white supremacist rally in Tennessee crashes and burns like their last few rallies have, while Milo Yiannopolous' appearance at Cal State Fullerton goes about as well as you would expect. Donald Trump attempts to turn people away from the Manafort probe with some insane tweet storms. In our weekly review of all things Holy, "Holy Shit", we take a look at right wing religion's attempt to justify sexual assault, among other insanity. We delve into the world of sports where the AL champion Houston Astros and Houston Texas are finding themselves in a bit of hot water over some racist remarks, while refs at a New Jersey high school game walk out over anthem protests. In "I Need A Drink", we celebrate the end of Kid Rock's senate campaign with some cheap champagne and even cheaper light beer. Thank god. Plus our latest installment of our World Tour takes us to the land of Donald Trump's BFF Rodrigo Duterte, The Philippines!
Live Musical Guest: SOJA

Edition #3-21: Wheel Of Corruption: Dead Men Tell No Tales Edition (11/8/17)

We recap what might be one of the best Democratic turnouts in an election and the biggest loser is arguably President Donald Trump. But back to the regular news. Which is usually depressing as hell. Another week, another mass shooting. This time it is taking place in a church in a small town in Texas. We ask: "The NRA A+ ratings system: How Is This Still A Thing?". We recap Trump's insane trip to Japan where he meets Pico Taro and doesn't bow to the Japanese prime minister. Gun Nut Apologists try their hardest not to make the shooting an issue about guns, and even Trump joins in on the nonsense. The White Male Groper's Club adds more high profile new members, while Harvey Weinstein stalked his victims through targeting. In a special installment of "Holy Shit", our weekly sermon on all things holy, we recap the religious right's horribly predictable reaction to the Texas Church Shooting. Back to creepy perverts, Rick Perry makes some stunningly stupid comments on sexual assault. John Schnatter of Papa John's pizza says that NFL's sagging ratings are hurting his business, making his chain the official pizza of the alt right. In "I Need A Drink", we discuss Amazon's extremely controversial new product - the Amazon Key. Plus the latest round of our World Tour takes us to the land of the Taj Mahal and Bollywood - India!
Live Musical Guest: Prophets Of Rage

Edition #3-22: Mad Country: You Can't Always Grope Who You Want Edition (11/15/17)

Roy Moore joins the White Male Groper's club. We talk about all the insanity surrounding his latest accusations and what they mean for the Family Values crowd. Jeff Sessions lies have their own body and character to them like that aging box of Omaha Steaks in your refrigerator. We recap Donald Trump's latest trip to Asia where he rekindled his creepy and insane bromance with the Philippines' mass murdering dictator Rodrigo Duterte. We also talk about the latest developments in Trump's border wall controversy. In another special edition of "Holy Shit", we recap the Christian right's grappling with the outing of Roy Moore as yet another member of the Good Ol' Perverts Club. After Keurig announces a pull out of advertising from the Sean Hannity show, Hannity fans retaliate by destroying their $300 coffee makers. The Alt Right has begun the Sandy Hooking of the Roy Moore saga when Jack Posobiec doxes one of Roy Moore's accusers. Not to mention Tomi Lahren is batshit crazy. We have another installment of "People Are Dumb" which includes a Florida man attempting to house a squirrel and the German police mistaking a WWII era bomb for a giant pickle. Finally the latest installment of our World Tour 2017 takes us to the land down under, Australia, where we discuss their insane special election!
Live Musical Guest: King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard

Edition #3-23: Mad Country: Return Of The Son Of The Bride Of Young Al Frankenstein Edition (11/22/17)

Al Franken is the subject of an attempt by alt right at a partisan power grab over sexual harassment allegations. The White Male Groper's Club adds yet more new members including Transparent's Jeffrey Tambor, Rocky's Sylvester Stallone, and PBS' Charlie Rose, among others. We talk about the infighting caused by the GOP over their horrible tax plan. Trump unexpectedly turns the public opinion around on crazy sports father LaVar Ball after he trashes the UCLA basketball players who were arrested in China. We have a new installment of "How Is This Still A Thing" where we ask: The Presidential Turkey Pardon: How Is This Still A Thing? In our weekly sermon of all things holy, "Holy Shit", we tour Washington DC's insane new $500 million Bible museum. Gene Simmons gets banned from Fox News for life after a string of abusive behavior, which we are not all surprised at. We also talk about how a Navy pilot managed to draw a giant penis in the sky over the state of Washington. We have another installment of "People Are Dumb" which includes the Borat impersonating tourists arrested in Kazakhstan, a California man who *REALLY* wants to prove the earth is flat, a Tennessee man who shot his wife while discussing gun control, and a university does a deep dive into why the Steve Martin classic sketch "King Tut" is racially offensive, or is it? All this plus the next installment of our World Tour where we tour the land of Mecca and the holy country of Islam, Saudi Arabia!
Live Musical Guest: Queens Of The Stone Age

Edition #3-24: Mad Country: The Ungrateful Fool On The Hill Edition (11/29/17)

Back from a rather uneventful Thanksgiving, Trump wastes no time embarrassing the country by making an offensive gesture to Elizabeth Warren in front of a group of Native Americans. Trump continues his fight with crazy UCLA sports dad LaVar Ball. Project Veritas gets owned trying to catfish the Washington Post. Trump marks his territory like a dog when it comes to calling out Fake News. We explore a Trump recommended news site called "MAGA Pill". In our weekly segment of all things holy, "Holy Shit", we talk about how the Christian right plans to screw us over by revoking the Johnson Amendment in Trump's new tax plan. Roy Moore's sexual harassment allegations aren't going away - they're about to get much worse. In a new installment of "This Fucking Guy", we profile Infowars correspondent and certified rape enthusiast Mike Cernovich. Guns were the hot ticket item on this year's Black Friday. For the second year in a row. We have a new installment of "I Need A Drink" where we discuss the California man who's planning to take his flat earth conspiracy theories into the earth's atmosphere - literally. And the next installment in our World Tour takes us to the desert land of tall buildings, fast cars, private jets and luxury yachts - the United Arab Emirates!
Live Musical Guest: Liam Gallagher

Edition #3-25: Mad Country: America's Next Top Fake News Network Edition (12/6/17) - 2 Year Anniversary!!!

Robert Mueller drops the big one and arrests Michael Flynn in his ongoing investigation against Donald Trump. Trump retweets a British extremist group known for extreme anti-Islamic rhetoric. A new tell all book reveals Trump's habits on the campaign trail including a completely insane regular order at McDonalds. Trump sets out to find out who's America's Next Top Fake News Network (spoiler alert: It's Fox!). In our weekly sermon of all things holy, Holy Shit, we discuss the potentially far-reaching implications in the SCOTUS trial of Mullins V Phillips, better known as the gay wedding cake case. Elsewhere, the Alt Right has essentially created their own internet complete with their own currency, religion, social media, and crowd funding. Alex Jones may have ingested a little bit too much lead poisoning through the Infowars Store. Roy Moore cries foul over his opponents. We have a new installment of "People Are Dumb" which include a man who takes the show "Forged In Fire" a little too seriously, a guy having drunk, naked sex in a moving car, and Florida Man does his best impression of a skit from the classic comedy Reno 911. All this plus the next stop of our World Tour where we head to the land of hockey, poutine, curling, Molson's Lager, and Tim Horton's - the Great White North, Canada!
Live Musical Guest: Death From Above 1979

Edition #3-26: Mad Country: The Senator's Revenge (Terror In Gadsden) Edition (12/13/17)

The GOP manages to successfully take down Al Franken with no trial, convictions, jury, or even an executioner. We recap the results of the Alabama special election. Donald Trump declares Jerusalem the capital of Israel to less than amusing fan fare, but what was up with his teeth? More abuse victims come forward with claims of sexual harassment against Donald Trump. In our weekly sermon of all things holy, "Holy Shit", we get to gloat that Christian right celebrity Kim Davis has a challenger - and it's a guy she denied a marriage license to! Twice! The Alt Right attempts to catfish Sam Seder into making sexually degrading comments, but it backfires on them spectacularly. A kid from Tennessee becomes a political pawn in the anti-bullying movement, attracting the attention of celebrities and Go Fund Me patrons everywhere, but we soon learn of his mom's hardcore racism. In "I Need A Drink", we're going to kick back with a glass of Egg Nog and tell you all the gift giving opportunities you can give your right wing friends and relatives. And the penultimate stop of our 2017 World Tour takes us to the land of beautiful beaches, plantains, fine cigars, classic cars, murderous dictators, and trade embargos - the Caribbean nation of Cuba!
Live Musical Guest: Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds

Edition #3-27: Mad Country: 2017 Year In Review Edition (12/20/17)

SEASON FINALE: In a top 10 first, we devote the entire edition to recap the insane year that was 2017. January and February gave birth to the Trump administration. March and April saw the birth of the white supremacist movement while the GOP desperately tried and failed multiple times to repeal Obamacare. May and June saw Trump taking his first World Tour, while the GOP prematurely celebrated passing Obamacare and people were caught at Mar-A-Lago taking pictures with the nuclear football guy. July and August saw Trump going to Poland, Martin Shkreli going to prison, and the dawn of the menace known as Anthony Scaramucci. September and October saw Texas drowning, California on fire, a horrible mass shooting in Vegas, and Trump marginally pretending to care about the victims. In November and December, we saw the birth and rise of the "Me Too" movement where sexual assault abuser w ere getting their much needed just desserts, while December saw the insane election of Roy Moore and the fall of Al Franken. We do something fun and break down the Daily Stormer's playbook, which was recently leaked. In a special "Holy Shit", we recap the religious rights' greatest hits in 2017. In "People Are Dumb", we tell you some of our favorite stories of stupid people in 2017. And the grand finale of our 2017 World Tour saves the best for last as we head south of the border to Trump's favorite country, Mexico!
Live Musical Guest: Rise Against
December 20, 2017

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-27: 2017 Year In Review Edition (Season finale!)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-27: 2017 Year In Review Edition (Season finale!)

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! I’m going to warn you ahead of time – this is going ot be a long edition. Might be our longest yet. This is it people – it’s our season finale! And man it seems like it’s been a long and arduous journey through this insane year hasn’t it? Well let’s power through this and get to Rise Against and we’ll see you in the next year, yeah? So this is our year end year in review edition, and it’s the first time we’ve ever done or will attempt to do one of these. Now I know new news is being made this week – I mean you’ve got the Palins doing Palin things, the tax scam vote (aka the Trillion Dollar Heist), and you have Trump spending the remaining days of this year on the golf course. But there is one thing I wanted to show in the final intro of the year. So… Ann Coulter needs to see a psychotherapist or something. Last week, she sent out this unbelievable tweet about what it means to be single in 2017. Can we show that?

Wow. Holy shit. Whew. Where do I even begin with this one? Can someone get Ann a puppy or something? I mean did anyone see that movie Inside Out where we saw all the emotions going through a young kid’s life? Thank you sir! Yeah there’s one guy in the audience going “WOOO!!!!”. It would be like that movie except 3 of the emotions died and Ann was just stuck with Anger and Sadness. Maybe Ann would just kick the puppy and starve it to death! I don’t know, I am just guessing! OK that’s enough of the intro. We have a lot of idiocy to get to, but first you know it’s the holidays and most of the good talk shows are on vacation. So we’re going to get you in the holiday spirit by showing you this awesome clip of the Foo Fighters on Saturday Night Live this week where they played a medley of Christmas music:

So this is our season finale. This is it – it has come to an end. Well, all good things must at some point am I right? Well before we go for this year – we’re going to recap the year that was. In the first slot is January and February (1) which saw the beginning of Trump and his attempts to repeal Obamacare which crashed and burned hard. In the second slot is March and April which saw the rise of White Supremacism, Trump’s cabinet picks, and the worst Super Bowl party ever. In the third slot is the months May and June (3). Yes summertime – when Trump stopped embarrassing America directly and started embarrassing America internationally! In the fourth slot is July and August (4) we saw the horrifying carnage and destruction of the white supremacist rally in Charlottesville and Trump escalating his feud with North Korea’s Kim Jong Un, and the rise and fall of Anthony Scaramucci.. In the fifth slot is September and October (5). Fall was the return of football and the return of one of Fox News’ favorite punching bags: the national anthem protests! Plus we had the horrifying Vegas tragedy and conspiracy theorists coming out of the woodwork. And finally in the number 6 slot, rounding out the year – November and December. In November we saw the rise of the #MeToo movement which saw white male gropers getting knocked on their ass, while December we saw the insane special election between Doug Jones and Roy Moore for Alabama Senate. Now that we got that out of the way – in the number 7 slot we’re going to do something fun. Huffington Post got a hold of the Daily Stormer’s (7) playbook and we are going to break down the juiciest bits of it. At number 8 is our weekly sermon of all things holy, Holy Shit, and we are going to recap the religious right at their most insane during the year end. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot is our favorite “People Are Dumb” and we’re going to recap some of our favorite stories of stupid people in the year that was 2017. And finally – this is it people! We are fucking done! The final stop of our World Tour 2017! And we are going to be sipping on some margaritas and relaxing on the warm beaches of Cancun as we visit Mexico! And we also have some music from one of my favorites – the one the only Rise Against! They have a great new album out called “Wolves” and they are simply unbelievable live. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]January & February: Trump Begins
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January 2017. It’s the end of one era of prosperity and the beginning of… well… whatever the exact opposite of prosperity is. Donald Trump is officially inaugurated as the 45th president of the United States of America. At a time when there is such a deep division in the country that it would take a miracle or the exact opposite of that. So how did Trump ring in the new year that would see him become the next president?

That’s right – that is president Donald J. Trump hanging out with Joseph “Joey No Socks” Cinque of the Gambino crime family! Bravo, well done, Mr. President! Take a bow! But January also marked the beginnings of a mad man. Think of it like super heroes – this is Donald Trump’s origin story.

In a series of impromptu statements about nuclear weapons, Donald Trump is threatening to upend longstanding U.S. nonproliferation policy, even as his advisers contradict him and muddy his intentions.

The president-elect had alarmed and perplexed some experts and others in Washington when he pronounced, without offering more details, via Twitter on Thursday that the U.S. “must greatly strengthen and expand its nuclear capability until such time as the world comes to its senses regarding nukes.”

He further escalated his call on Friday, telling the MSNBC program “Morning Joe” that he is fine with the country taking part in an “arms race” if it puts the U.S. in a stronger position against foreign adversaries.

“Let it be an arms race … we will outmatch them at every pass and outlast them all,” Trump said in an off-air conversation on Friday.

Then – it was revealed by the CIA (motto: Now with 50% more snooping!) that one of the most powerful people in the world – shirtless dressage champion Vladimir Putin – may have helped aide in Donald Trump’s election.

President-elect Donald Trump on Wednesday claimed he has "nothing to do with Russia" and argued that he is the victim of political attacks after reports that intelligence officials possessed briefing material with damaging accusations about ties to Moscow.

The FBI is not actively investigating the information, which was initially circulated among Trump opponents and has not been verified by intelligence agencies, two U.S. officials told NBC News. Those sources did not comment to NBC about the nature of the allegations.

On Twitter, Trump called the reports "unfair" and said, "Russia has never tried to use leverage over me." Trump claimed that he has "no deals, no loans, no nothing" with Russia, an assertion that is difficult to verify because he has not released his tax returns, unlike every president since Jimmy Carter.

He argued that political opponents "try to belittle" his electoral victory. Trump asked, "Are we living in Nazi Germany?"

Wait wait wait wait wait… did Trump just make a Nazi Germany comparison? People have been comparing him to Hitler. Maybe this is a case of the pot calling the kettle black? But then things got weird – and in a year where a lot of weird shit happens, would this be the first instance? And the inauguration hadn’t even happened yet!

In the past year, Trump has gotten into public disputes with a beauty queen and the Muslim parents of a dead soldier. But on the eve of the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday, Trump went back and forth with a man whom John McCain once called “one of the most respected men in America.”

It's a widely held opinion. For a lifetime of civil rights work, Lewis was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2011. Last year, the Navy announced it would name a ship after him, making Lewis one of just a few " to get that honor.

Oh come on, you know it’s bad when the most interesting man in the world does it! But this might be one of my favorite things to come from the Trump administration so far. Remember Betsy DeVos? Well, she had the most batshit insane argument when it comes to guns in schools because – wait for it – bears!


Betsy DeVos, President-elect Donald Trump's education secretary nominee, said it should be up to states whether guns are allowed in schools, citing grizzly bear protection as part of her answer.

That’s real! That happened! Because… bears! Well then the inauguration happened, and as you can imagine it was a complete shit show. I mean Trump couldn’t even book the actual Bruce Springsteen, or even a Bruce Springsteen cover band!

The B-Street Band, a popular Bruce Springsteen cover group that's performed nearly 200 gigs a year since 1980, convened in the dressing room Sunday night before a typical late-afternoon gig at Bensalem, PA's Parx Casino.

Will Forte, the group's 63-year-old keyboardist, manager, agent and publicist, among other roles, was telling the band about the "thousands of emails from both sides" he had received after news broke that the group would be playing the Garden State Presidential Inaugural Gala on January 19th as part of Donald Trump's inauguration. "We're standing out in the storm right here," he told the band. "We gotta get out of the storm."

So Trump couldn’t get the B Street Band, or the Z Street Band. You know who he got instead? A band called 3 Doors Down! You might remember them from that one hit they had when your kid was in middle school – “Superman”. Now let’s fast forward to February and one of my favorite memes to come from the Trump administration – the Bowling Green Massacre!

WASHINGTON – Top Trump adviser Kellyanne Conway on Sunday said ‘haters” are to blame for blowing up her comments about the “Bowling Green massacre” when she simply “misspoke.”

“It was a plot. Well, they’re masterminds. I had said that before, they’re masterminds. I should’ve just said plot, or I should’ve just called them terrorists,” Conway said on Fox News’ “Media Buzz.”

Conway said she made a mistake when she cited the “Bowling Green massacre” to defend Trump’s needs for an immigration travel ban on MSNBC on Thursday. There was never a massacre in Bowling Green, Ky.

“I misspoke one word,” continued Conway, who also called the dust-up “massacre nonsense.” She walked back the comment on Friday.

I love that! And one other thing from Februrary that I want to touch on – Milo Yiannopolous! Remember when Bill Maher had the professional troll on and he went belly up? Let’s show that video!

Excuse me a minute…

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[font size="8"]March – April: Treason Season
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Ah, spring! Summer is not quite here, and everyone has that post-winter spring in their step. Except for Trump – he didn’t know how dangerous the job was when he took it! Well, while it was time for Trump to get the fuck out of America, here back home we were subjected to the conservatives’ annual rah rah conference known as the Conservative Political Action Conference!

Staffers at CPAC quickly scrambled to confiscate Russian flags with the word “TRUMP” written on the front that were being waved by attendees during President Donald Trump’s speech on Friday.

The trouble began when some attendees took out pro-Trump flags to wave during the president’s speech that also happened to have the same white-blue-and-red striped pattern as Russia’s official flag.

Reporter Peter Hamby notes that CPAC staffers quickly realized that its attendees were waving Russian flags, and moved to confiscate them.

In addition to the attendees waving Russian flags, journalist Sarah Posner reports at least one attendee was spotted wearing a “Make Russia Great Again” t-shirt.

Hey! Why can’t we distribute Russian flags at your events? They’re no more offensive than the Purple Heart band aids that you distributed when John Kerry was running for office!

But then in March things got weird for Paul Ryan when he remembered that time he got a raging hard on in college about how great it would be to take away benefits from poor people!

Speaking to National Review editor Rich Lowry at an event hosted by the conservative magazine, House Speaker Paul Ryan made the case for the American Health Care Act by presenting it as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to cut Medicaid spending.

“We’ve been dreaming of this since I’ve been around,” Ryan says, before interrupting himself to clarify exactly how big of an opportunity this is, “since you and I were drinking out of kegs.”

I’ve been to some wild keggers back in my day, and you know what? I never thought to screw over my country! All I could think of was “Why isn’t my beer filled”? Speaking of which, waitress, why isn’t my beer filled? Ah, thank you! Oh and then one of my favorite stories to come out of the month of March is Ann Coulter. Remember her? Remember when she said Russia went crazy and murdered the entire 1980 Miracle On Ice team?

They say Putin is a "thug" and a "bully" who kills journalists. Liberals never used to mind Russian leaders killing journalists. Nor millions of scientists, writers, Christians, Jews, kulaks, Ukrainians and the entire 1980 Soviet Olympic hockey team.

Have you guys heard of the Evil Empire? Now Democrats are hypersensitive to a Russian leader's flaws?

Liberals were cool with the show trials, the alliance with Hitler, the gulags, the forced starvations, the shooting down of American planes and goose-stepping through Eastern Europe.

But that was when the Russian leader was Joseph Stalin or Nikita Khrushchev -- not the beast Putin!

Yeah so that happened. And by the way, I really don’t want to post shit from her site, but sometimes we have no choice! But then remember when Paul Ryan took the Long White House March? You know it was kind of like that movie Billy Lynn’s Long Half Time Walk, except the outcome was even more fucked up!

WASHINGTON — House Republican leaders, facing a revolt among conservatives and moderates in their ranks, pulled legislation to repeal the Affordable Care Act from consideration on the House floor Friday in a major defeat for President Trump on the first legislative showdown of his presidency.

“We’re going to be living with Obamacare for the foreseeable future,” the House speaker, Paul D. Ryan, conceded.

The failure of the Republicans’ three-month blitz to repeal President Barack Obama’s signature domestic achievement exposed deep divisions in the Republican Party that the election of a Republican president could not mask. It cast a long shadow over the ambitious agenda that Mr. Trump and Republican leaders had promised to enact once their party assumed power at both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue.

So now we hit April. Yes those 3 months flew by really quickly didn’t they? Well here’s where treason is the reason for the season – Michael Flynn. You know he committed some possible light treason and now he’s behind bars for it! Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

Retired Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn, who briefly served as national security adviser to President Donald Trump, is seeking immunity from prosecution in exchange for testifying on the president’s ties to Russia, the Wall Street Journal reported Thursday.

According to the report, Flynn made the offer to the FBI, the House intelligence committee and the Senate intelligence committee. All three entities are currently investigating whether Trump’s associates had contact with Russian officials during the 2016 presidential campaign. According to the Wall Street Journal, none of them have yet accepted Flynn’s offer.


Well not so much light treason as it is full on fucking insane treason! And the sad thing is they most likely won’t get punished. But there were two stories out of April that I want to touch on. The first was when Trump bombed a country and then forgot which country he just bombed!

Last Thursday, April 6, President Donald Trump launched nearly 60 missiles at Syria in response to the deadly chemical attacks that took place earlier in the week. Thursday's strike targeted a Syrian airbase, and Trump's decision to bomb the country was met with mixed reactions from Congress, especially considering that the president did not seek congressional approval before ordering the launch of the missiles.

In a new interview on Fox Business Network, President Trump recounted to Maria Bartiromo the moment he told Chinese president Xi Jinping about his decision to attack Syria. However, there was one major eyebrow-raising instance in the interview: Trump seemed to forget which country he had bombed.

"I was sitting at the table, we had finished dinner, and we're now having dessert," Trump recalls. "And we had the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that you've ever seen.... And I was given the message from the generals that the ships are locked and loaded." He adds: "I said, 'We’ve just launched 59 missiles, heading to Iraq.'"

And then there was this story that broke about Trump’s love of fast food – particularly the McDonalds Big Mac and how he loves fast food places for their “cleanliness” but then – health inspectors found that Mar-A-Lago didn’t exactly meet health requirements:

Unsafe seafood. Insufficiently refrigerated meats. Rusty shelving. Cooks without hairnets.

Reports show Florida health inspectors cited President Trump's Mar-a-Lago resort with 15 violations in late January, days before the U.S. leader hosted Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe for a diplomatic visit.

Still, the state inspectors allowed the luxury resort's main restaurant and beach club grill to remain open as staff scrambled to make several immediate corrections.

Among the "high priority" problems described as "potentially hazardous" were faulty fridges with meats stored well above the required 41 degrees Fahrenheit. For example, in the restaurant's walk-in cooler, the duck and beef were measured at 50 degrees, while a ham was at 57 degrees.

Other issues included smoked salmon being served without undergoing "proper parasite destruction" and a hand washing sink for employees with water that was not hot enough.

Stephen Lawson, spokesman for the Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation, said the violations were the result of a routine inspection and not prompted by any consumer complaints or food-borne illnesses.

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[font size="8"]May – June: Are We Sick Of Winning Yet?
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Summer time and the livin’s easy… eh maybe it isn’t in Donald Trump’s America. Because if this is what he considers to be MAGA, I don’t want to know what he considers to be losing! Because if you remember May is when the GOP actually did something. And that something is not exactly what one would call winning, but they had a cheap beer and even cheaper champagne celebration when they got Trump’s health care bill passed.

They had a party in Washington to celebrate that an $8 billion risk-pool fig leaf was enough to drain the guts out of Republican "moderates" in the House and get them on board. This was a thing to celebrate.

They had a party in Washington to celebrate that freedom was served because Medicaid took a serious shot below the waterline. This was a thing to celebrate.

They had a party in Washington to celebrate that one state—Mississippi? Kansas?—could bring freedom by restoring lifetime limits on employer-based healthcare coverage for 129 million Americans. This was a thing to celebrate.

They had a party in Washington to celebrate the fact that taking healthcare from poor people was enough to give the top two percent of Americans a trillion-dollar tax cut. This was a thing to celebrate.

You know America, we went through this “winning” phase before. It was 10 years ago, remember? Well maybe not since most of Charlie Sheen’s fans went to Coachella and did ecstasy. And just like the Charlie Sheen phase, that “winning” accomplished… absolutely nothing!

One of the Republicans who helped get the American Health Care Act narrowly passed through the House of Representatives yesterday is making it clear that he isn’t all that thrilled with the bill… nor the president celebrating in the Rose Garden over its passage through just one chamber of Congress.

Rep. Mark Sanford (R-SC), who earlier today admitted to not reading the bill in its entirety before voting for it, compared President Donald Trump‘s celebratory speech to a rather infamous premature declaration.

“It’s kind of like George Bush going up on top of the aircraft carrier and saying ‘Mission Accomplished,'” he told MSNBC’s Craig Melvin when asked why he didn’t attend the Rose Garden event. “I mean, you’ve got to be careful about these things. People get ahead of their skis and it can come back to bite them.”

Yeah… remember that guy? He was our president at one point! And then remember when Trump fired Comey that set off the shit storm that got Mueller involved? Yeah that happened.

The American people — not to mention the credibility of the world’s oldest democracy — require a thorough, impartial investigation into the extent of Russia’s meddling with the 2016 presidential election on behalf of Donald Trump and, crucially, whether high-ranking members of Mr. Trump’s campaign colluded in that effort.

By firing the F.B.I. director, James Comey, late Tuesday afternoon, President Trump has cast grave doubt on the viability of any further investigation into what could be one of the biggest political scandals in the country’s history.

The explanation for this shocking move — that Mr. Comey’s bungling of the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s private email server violated longstanding Justice Department policy and profoundly damaged public trust in the agency — is impossible to take at face value. Certainly Mr. Comey deserves all the criticism heaped upon him for his repeated missteps in that case, but just as certainly, that’s not the reason Mr. Trump fired him.

And then fast forward to June. Trump once again managed to piss off the entire world when he did something very egregious. Like the last time he pissed off the whole world and did something egregious. And the time before that. And that.

President Donald Trump is planning to pull the United States out of the Paris climate change agreement, a White House official said Wednesday morning — only to have Trump himself revive the suspense less than an hour later.

The withdrawal would fulfill a Trump campaign promise but would be certain to infuriate America’s allies across the globe. It would threaten to destabilize the most comprehensive pact ever negotiated to blunt the most devastating effects of climate change. And it would fly in the face of support the deal has drawn from a host of major business interests, including giant oil companies such as Shell and Exxon Mobil.

Intrigue surrounding Paris has accelerated in the past week, after Pope Francis and other world leaders pressed Trump during his European visit not to abandon the nearly 200-nation 2015 agreement. Administration officials said they are still sorting out the details of how exactly Trump would withdraw, and one noted that nothing is final until an announcement is made.

Yeah so that happened. Oh and then one other thing from June was remember when New York City’s Shakesphere In The Park had that controversial remake of Julius Caesar? Well… it was quite possibly one of the craziest things ever. And then it was revealed the crashers were part of a paid protest. D’oh!!!

You may have mocked claims about the existence of paid protesters as just another lie from the right. As it turns out, at least on this one issue, they’re actually telling the truth. The problem is, the right neglected to mention those paid protesters are part of the right-wing apparatus.

The story starts last week, when the right wing decided to aim its selective outrage at a free staging of Shakespeare’s play “Julius Caesar” held in New York City’s Central Park. Mike Cernovich, a self-described member of the alt-right who thinks the U.S. should give immigrants IQ tests, put up a YouTube video in which he offered cash to any protesters willing to disrupt the play for pay.

“I’ll give up to 10 people $1,000,” Cernovich says in the footage. “I need you to get up with either a ‘CNN is ISIS’ or ‘Bill Clinton’s a rapist’ or ‘The media is terrorism’ . And if you’re able to get up and be escorted out by security, then I will give you $1,000.”

In other words, Cernovich was actively and openly looking to recruit paid protesters. You know how conservatives made up that ridiculous myth about George Soros sending checks to liberals who march in protests? This is the real version of that, only sponsored by Cernovich.

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[font size="8"]July – August: White Light, White Heat, White Supremacy
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Summer time… and the livin’s easy. Honestly… I got nothing. I mean come on we’re almost done for the holidays. We got one of my favorite bands, Rise Against coming. I mean their equipment is right there! I can see Tim and the guys hanging out back stage! All right, I am getting carried away. We got to power through this thing, damn it! We’re getting into the summer months now. So Trump went to Poland as part of his World Deplorable Tour. And the people of Poland, well, didn’t quite get American history.

Donald Trump didn’t exactly earn a unanimously warm welcome during his first trip to Europe as president in May. To ensure that his second visit starts off on a far more positive note this week, considerable measures are being taken, including those borrowed straight from the Communist Party playbook.

Ahead of making his way to Germany for the start of the G-20 summit Friday, Trump will land in Poland Wednesday and is guaranteed a rapturous reception: Supportive crowds literally will be bused in to cheer for him.

Can we show that picture of the crowd?

Yup – they celebrate the confederacy! And then there was Mike Pence who had that famous “Do Not Touch” photo:

Seriously – it’s like Peter Griffin is in charge!

Then we had that horrible terror attack in London that resulted in 10 people dead and Trump of course pretending to marginally care about the victims:

London (CNN)US President Donald Trump renewed his criticism of London Mayor Sadiq Khan on Monday, a day after attacking his handling of the weekend's terror attack in the city.
Trump, writing on Twitter Monday, said: "Pathetic excuse by London Mayor Sadiq Khan who had to think fast on his 'no reason to be alarmed' statement. MSM is working hard to sell it!"

It is the second day that Trump has twisted the mayor's words. In the immediate aftermath of the attack, Khan said there was "no cause for alarm" when referring to a visible increase in police activity on the streets of London.

Then we get into August. We think the chaos might have died down a bit. There was a lot that happened. Sinclair Broadcasting purchased 500 local TV stations in an insane media consiladtion deal, while a Google employee went full Pepe The Frog and Trump threatened nuclear Armageddon with North Korea (see: Top 10 #3-9 ). But then there was a little event being held in Charlottesville, Virginia that was being called the “Unite The Right” rally. Well, little did we know this event would shake the country to its’ core. It was billed quite innocently:


Worst headlining festival ever, by the way! Yeah I know we’re recycling a lot of the same jokes we used before – it’s the end of the year. Fuck it! Fuck it all, I say!!! Thank you! But here’s how it ended:

(CNN)Alt-right activists held torches and marched late Friday through the University of Virginia campus in Charlottesville.

Chanting "blood and soil" and "one people, one nation, end immigration," the group rallied around a statue of Thomas Jefferson before they clashed with counterprotesters, CNN affiliate WWBT reported.

The march came hours before a Saturday rally that police anticipate will attract as many as 2,000 to 6,000 people, in an event that could be the "largest hate-gathering of it's kind in decades in the United States," as described by the Southern Poverty Law Center.

Before the group left the university's grounds when police arrived and ruled it unlawful assembly, outraged city and UVA officials condemned Friday's gathering.

Read more: http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/12/us/charlottesville-white-nationalists-rally/index.html

Oh and they didn’t actually hold real torches. They used fucking TIKI torches that you can get in the $3.99 bin at your local Home Depot! That would be like if medieval torturers had played Iron Maiden in the torture chambers instead of using an actual Iron Maiden. Not the same thing! Not that I’m belittling Iron Maiden, those guys kick ass. And we had them on the show. Oh and there was also this:

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. (AP) — A car plowed into a crowd of people peacefully protesting a white nationalist rally Saturday in a Virginia college town, killing one person, hurting at least two dozen more and ratcheting up tension in an increasingly violent confrontation.

A helicopter crash that killed the pilot and a passenger later in the afternoon outside Charlottesville also was linked to the rally by State Police, though officials did not elaborate on how the crash was connected.

Read more: https://www.bostonglobe.com/news/nation/2017/08/12/hundreds-torch-bearing-protesters-parade-through-university-virginia-campus-ahead-white-nationalist-rally-saturday/yJkb6qUEPN6u8VEkEGDV9L/story.html

Even Germany was pissed off at us for that. And if there’s one group of people you don’t want to piss off, it’s the Germans!

BERLIN: German Chancellor Angela Merkel on Monday slammed as "disgusting" the role of white supremacists in a violent protest in Virginia and an "evil attack" against counter-demonstrators that left one woman dead, her spokesman said.

In sharply worded remarks, Merkel's spokesman Steffen Seibert expressed shock at the weekend rally by Ku Klux Klan members and other white nationalists in Charlottesvillesupremacists.

"The scenes at the right-wing extremist march were absolutely repulsive - naked racism, anti-Semitism and hate in their most evil form were on display," he told reporters.

"Such images and chants are disgusting wherever they may be and they are diametrically opposed to the political goals of the chancellor and the entire German government."

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[font size="8"]September – October: Mass Anthem Protests & Mass Shootings
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So we’re in the home stretch of finishing out this year folks! And with that comes the return of our favorite national past time – football. Yes the Dodgers and Astros had that insane World Series (and the most uneventful game 7 ever), but football is back everybody! And with that – Fox News gets to hammer one of their favorite punching bags – the national anthem protests started by Colin Kaepernick. But this year they have the help of our favorite president!

HUNTSVILLE, Ala. — President Trump said on Friday night that N.F.L. owners should fire players who kneel during the national anthem, and he encouraged spectators to walk out of stadiums in protest.

In an extended riff during a speech in Alabama, Trump also bemoaned what he sees as less violence in football games.

“They’re ruining the game,” he complained.

Several athletes, including a handful of N.F.L. players, have refused to stand during “The Star-Spangled Banner” to protest of the treatment of minorities by the police. Quarterback Colin Kaepernick, who started the trend last year when he played for the San Francisco 49ers, has not been signed by a team for this season.

Trump says those players are disrespecting the flag and deserve to lose their jobs.

And of course the end of summer brings the extremely harsh weather with it, known as the hurricane.

Yup – we got into some major hurricane damage – the hurricanes already rocked the Caribbean and destroyed St. Maarten, and Puerto Rico and then they were headed for Houston. The damage they did to Houston was indescribable. But then there was prosperity pastor Joel Osteen who got the worst of it when this happened:

Joel Osteen, the “prosperity” preacher who has made a fortune grifting off the generosity of his devout flock, has endured a withering barrage of criticism from social media for his refusal to open the doors to his 16,000-capacity megachurch to help house the environmental refugees of Hurricane Harvey.

Actor Ron Perlman of Sons of Anarchy fame had a very snarky response to Osteen’s hypocrisy, rightfully calling him out for being more concerned with the cleanliness and propriety of his church than the Christian values of charity and support that he pretends to embody.

Perlman tweeted simply: “Concerned someone might track mud on the carpets?”

Joel Osteen is the very worst kind of human being and an absolute disgrace to all those who call themselves religious.

He is a financial predator of the worst kind, a pernicious agent of mammon who exploits the generosity and the faith of his flock to live a lifestyle of heretical luxury and sinful excess.

At: https://extremelifex.com/2017/08/29/joel-osteen-refuses-to-open-his-church-to-hurricane-victims-actor-ron-perelmans-response-is-great/

Hobbits are evil? Can we get a new meme? Seriously? Fuck it, it’s the end of the year. All I want to do is drink some beers and watch some Rise Against! Is that too much to ask? Moving on! So now we come to October and one of the most horrific terror attacks that has ever happened on American soil has occurred. And the biggest offender in the attacks was easily nutritional supplement salesman Alex Jones.

ALEX JONES: About 20 minutes ago, ISIS took responsibility for the attacks, and the police have confirmed that he had -- the reported shooter had recently personally threatened them and posted videos threatening them, saying that he had joined ISIS, joined Al Qaeda, and that he was basically a leftist, just like [alleged NSA leaker] Reality Winner, and just like so many others that had converted to Islam, that was so angry about Trump and everything that was happening that he went out and carried out this attack. Now, again, clearly it looks like he had help, but we saw the October 1st event of the 100 years of the Bolshevik Revolution coming up, and I had been predicting starting October 1st that we'd see terror attacks.

Which led to everyone and everything accusing everything but the guns. And the attachment in question – a bump stock. As someone who is not into guns, I had no idea what this did, so I had to do some research.

Senior Republicans in Congress are considering a bill that would ban “bump stocks” — gun accessories the Las Vegas shooter apparently used to turn semi-automatic weapons into more rapid-fire machine guns.

A handful of Republican congressional legislators have shown interest in a bill that would stop shooters from essentially converting semi-automatic weapons into fully automatic ones by using bump stocks. Stephen Paddock, the gunman who killed 58 people and wounded more than 500 others Sunday at a Las Vegas music festival, had two bump stocks in his possession, officials told the Associated Press.

“An American concert venue has now become a battlefield,” said California Sen. Dianne Feinstein, who introduced the bump stock bill Wednesday. “No one should be able to easily and cheaply modify legal weapons into what are essentially machine guns.”

And the sad thing is we didn’t learn a god damn thing about guns from that horrible shooting. Because not even after that happened, this happened when Alt Right founder and guy who thinks the game Wolfenstein features too much Nazi killing, Richard Spencer, spoke at the University Of Florida, this happened:

Five arrests were made Thursday in connection with an event that self-described white supremacist Richard Spencer held at the University of Florida campus in Gainesville.

Three men were arrested for their alleged role in a shooting incident following Spencer's speech, according to the Gainesville Police Department. The three suspects "engaged in an argument with another group of people that turned violent with gunfire," police said in a press release today.

The three individuals -- Tyler Tenbrink, 28, William Fears, 30, and Colton Fears, 28 -- are all from Texas, according to police.

The police report for Tenbrink states that while in a car, the suspects pulled up to the victims and one of the three men shouted "Hail Hitler and other chants" before "an argument ensued." According to police, Tenbrink got out of the vehicle with a handgun and threatened to kill the victims, while the two other men encouraged him to shoot them. Polie said Tenbrink fired a single shot that "thankfully missed the group" and hit a nearby building.

No sorry Cartman there’s no race war. But the even more disturbing thing is how gun nuts responded on Black Friday – which is why I say we didn’t learn a god damn thing. Fuck Black Friday, we should start calling it “Red Friday”.

For decades, the term “Black Friday” has conjured up distinct images: turkey-stuffed consumers awake at insanely early hours of the morning, bursting into big-box stores to fight over flat-screen TVs.

But in a muzzle flash, it seems, a new image may be replacing that stereotype. It involves a trigger and, possibly, a scope.

On Friday, the FBI received 203,086 requests for instant gun background checks, according to USA Today — nearly a 10 percent increase from the year before and a new record for background checks in a single day.

That’s not an anomaly. According to the FBI, the previous two records for background checks were also set on the day after the federal holiday in which Americans give thanks for the year’s blessings.

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[font size="8"]November – December: Sexual Harassment In The Workplace
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Ah we’re finally almost done for the year in review. Just like we’re almost done for the year everybody! I mean come on we got Rise Against playing tonight! All I want is to have a couple of beers and see Rise Against, is that too much to ask? But we got to power through. Just power through. OK so we had our annual quota for mass shootings met with Vegas. But then while that was going on, we had the birth of the #MeToo movement going. And it was insane. It started with actress Rose McGowan being temporarily suspended from Twitter.

The Observer has gained access to a secret hitlist of almost 100 prominent individuals targeted by Harvey Weinstein in an extraordinary attempt to discover what they knew about sexual misconduct claims against him and whether they were intending to go public.

The previously undisclosed list contains a total of 91 actors, publicists, producers, financiers and others working in the film industry, all of whom Weinstein allegedly identified as part of a strategy to prevent accusers from going public with sexual misconduct claims against him.

The names, apparently drawn up by Weinstein himself, were distributed to a team hired by the film producer to suppress claims that he had sexually harassed or assaulted numerous women.


Holy shit! 91 accusers? That is fucking insane! And we’re just now learning the extent of the damage that this guy caused. You know when Trump said “drain the swamp”, he pulled the plug on the wrong drain! But that’s a good thing because a lot of those people needed to go. You had Kevin Spacey, Harvey Weinstein, Danny Masterson, Morgan Spurlock, Tavis Smiley, Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose, Russell Simmons, Jeffrey Tambor, the list goes on and on. But let’s go to Kevin Spacey for a moment because the allegations kept coming. It’s insane.

BuzzFeed’s Adam B. Vary, the reporter who broke the story of Anthony Rapp’s sexual harassment allegations against the actor, tweeted a statement from the company on Friday night. The decision follows rumors reported by Variety earlier in the day that the show was considering killing Spacey’s pivotal character, Frank Underwood.

Netflix also said that they would not be releasing “Gore,” a film produced by and starring Spacey. The actor has also been dropped by his talent agency and publicist.

A number of men have come forward with their own stories since Rapp’s initial accusation of sexual misconduct against Spacey, who was 26 at the time, when he was 14 years old.

Apparently so Mr. President, and this got people wondering – why are we holding our fictional presidents to a higher standard than actual presidents?

The #MeToo sexual harassment movement roiling the nation reached the doors of the White House on Monday, when three women who last year accused President Trump of sexual misconduct began a renewed public push to gain attention for their allegations.

The three accusers were among more than a dozen who had initially come forward during the 2016 presidential campaign. The three reinvigorated their stories this week with an appearance on Megyn Kelly’s NBC show — their first joint interview — and a subsequent news conference in Manhattan, in which they also called on Congress to investigate their claims.

Their appeal occurs on the eve of a closely fought special U.S. Senate election in Alabama, where Roy Moore, the Republican nominee whom Trump has endorsed, is facing multiple accusations of sexual misconduct, and as four Senate Democrats have called on Trump to resign amid the allegations of harassment against him.

You said it, sir! And how about Mario Batali? The hits keep coming!

Mario Batali has come under fire for a printed apology over his "wrong" behavior, which included a link to a recipe and was issued soon after ABC announced it had fired him from The Chew after he was accused of sexual misconduct, for which he apologized in a previous statement.

The celebrity chef's newsletter that was sent to fans on Friday contained the following message:

"As many of you know, this week there has been some news coverage about some of my past behavior.

I have made many mistakes and I am so very sorry that I have disappointed my friends, my family, my fans and my team. My behavior was wrong and there are no excuses. I take full responsibility.

Sharing the joys of Italian food, tradition and hospitality with all of you, each week, is an honor and privilege. Without the support of all of you – my fans – I would never have a forum in which to expound on this. I will work every day to regain your respect and trust. – mb

ps. in case you're searching for a holiday-inspired breakfast, these Pizza Dough Cinnamon Rolls are a fan favorite."

This surprises me – not because Mr. Batali is a creep, but that people actually watch “The Chew”. But seriously, dude, you can’t PS that shit! That would be like Trump apologizing for Russian collusion and going “I’m sorry to the American people, I let you down. I will resign immediately. PS – buy season one of the Apprentice on Blu Ray! Out today!”. Yeah doesn’t have the same ring to it! Which brings me to Roy Moore. Yeah you knew it was coming. Yeah he was the perverted creepy weirdo who ran for senate and got trounced. The guy banned from a mall!

Roy Moore, the Republican Senate candidate and former chief justice of the Alabama Supreme Court, was born in Gadsden, a small city flanked by Interstate 59 and the Coosa River, an hour northeast of Birmingham. Gadsden is hilly, woodsy, blue-collar, and religious. “LEGAL OR NOT, SIN IS SIN,” a sign in front of a church announced yesterday. I saw it as I drove around, crisscrossing George Wallace Drive. I also saw Trump posters, Confederate flags, and dozens of signs for Doug Jones, the Democrat tied with Moore in recent Senate-race polls. Gadsden is the seat of Etowah County, which is a conservative place; Donald Trump received three times as many votes in the county as Hillary Clinton did. (Statewide, he received twice as many.) But I didn’t, in all my driving, see a single yard sign for Moore, the home-town son. Even the parking lot of the one mall in town had more bumper stickers for Luther Strange (four), Moore’s opponent in the Republican primary, than for Moore himself (one).

And then he also got banned from high school football games because he was oogling the cheerleaders, and the cops knew what a creep he is!

On Tuesday, a recently resurfaced interview revealed Moore first noticed his wife Kayla Kisor when she was 15 or 16 years old. (He was 30 at the time.) Meanwhile, MSNBC’s Andrea Mitchell interviewed Faye Gary, a 37-year veteran of the Gadsden Police Department, who claimed she and her colleagues were advised to keep Moore away from the cheerleaders at high school football games:

“The rumor mill was that he liked young girls. We were advised that he was being suspended from the mall because he would hang around the young girls that worked in the stores. It really had gotten to a place where they said he was harassing him. And we were also told to watch him at the ball games and make sure that he didn’t hang around the cheerleaders. Where the cheerleaders would be.”

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Ew. Ew. Ew. Excuse me a minute. OK I feel better. But the good news is that he lost!

The GOP, and the nation, narrowly dodged a bullet last night after accused pedophile Roy Moore lost to senator-elect Doug Jones in Alabama. Thankfully, Moore will not have a national platform from which to heave his unconstitutional, bigoted refuse.

But a Republican loss in Alabama, of all places, following the party’s miserable performance in Virginia last month, should send a clear warning to party leadership: continue to appease President Donald Trump’s populist, nationalist movement at your peril.

Yeah that is a well deserved applause! But I think in January we need to take a long, hard look at our infrastructure, because with incidents like these, who needs terrorism?

Nearly 11 hours after a power outage paralyzed the world's busiest airport, Atlanta's Hartsfield-Jackson International got its electricity back late Sunday night.
The lights flickered on shortly before midnight, after an exhausting day for travelers, that had left thousands stranded in dark terminals and on planes sitting on the tarmac. A ground stop in Atlanta disrupted air travel across the United States and led to cancellations of more than 1,000 flights in and out of the airport.


(Reuters) - An Amtrak passenger train derailed on a bridge over a major highway in Washington state on Monday morning, sending part of the train crashing down onto Interstate 5 and killing several passengers, authorities said.


Holy shit, indeed! Damn! That’s our 2017 year in review everybody!

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[font size="8"]The Daily Stormer
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So I promised we were going to do something fun for the 7th entry. We got just 3 more to go before we’re done for the year. So the Daily Stormer – you know, your racist uncle has them bookmarked in his Firefox bookmarks as “Real News”. Last week, the Huffington Post got a hold of their 17 page “playbook” of rules for their members to follow. And it’s quite literally insane.

Back in September, Vox Day, a Gamergate holdover who has assumed the position of racist alt-right figurehead, published a handful of brief excerpts from what he described as the “Andrew Anglin” style guide. For the blissfully unaware, Anglin is a neo-Nazi troll and propagandist who runs The Daily Stormer, one of the more prominent sites of the white supremacist web. The passages selected by Vox Day in his blog post suggested that Anglin is persnickety about detail and presentation ― except on the subject of the Jews, who are to be blamed “for everything.”

Whew. Yeah if that’s how they start out, how do they finish? So in the interest of time, we’ve got a few minutes – we wont cover all 17 pages but we will give you a brief run down of the juiciest bits. So of course white supremacists speak in code – and their code is even more fucked up than you would imagine:

okay basically, it works like this, you can write articles, if we dont like them you can put them on your own blog or whatever, if we accept them for publication we will pay you $14.88

“Fourteen,” of course, alludes to the 14 words in the old David Lane slogan, “We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white children.” The double eights refer to the eighth letter of the alphabet (“HH” or “Heil Hitler”). The number 1488 is a common shibboleth among white supremacists. We’re sure they find this extremely clever.

Oh come on you know it’s fucked up when even Hitler disapproves! But it gets weirder. So much weirder! Would you be surprised at all to learn that they’re also grammar Nazis? I mean the word Nazi is right in the name!

Of course Nazis are sticklers about presentation! That’s why they’re Nazis! And why would the site that accuses others of fake news be worried that they’re going to be accused of fake news? I would say the pot would be calling the kettle black, but in this case the pot would probably be calling the kettle white!

And they’re even encouraging their reporters to go after social media accounts! Yes they allow racial slurs in their articles because that’s what racists do!

Where’s Trumpy at? We need Trumpy out here for the finale! Yay, Trumpy is back everybody! How about a round of applause?

So now you have the Daily Stormer as grammar Nazis and referencing Mein Kampf. I can guarantee we don’t make our researchers do that! By the way researchers, go do that! And would you be surprised at all to learn that they have a prime directive?

But of course they do it strictly for the LULZ!!!

Because you know – happy and funny white supremacists are the best white supremacists! You know all those scenes we saw of Hitler laughing and drinking right? And they’re out for positivity! Because racism is overly negative in tone, so what about the positive, friendly neighborhood racist?

See? Even Trump agrees with me. But I’ll conclude this shindig by just leaving this here.

Hey! That’s what we do here!

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Yes friends! Gather around friends! Pass the collection plate, friends! Yes, in this darkest of times, we turn to the holiest among us, but even then we are reminded that the holiest among us are full of:

Welcome! Everybody please be seated. How is my fine congregation on this beautiful Wednesday in the holy year of our lord 2017? Because all God, creator of all that is good and holy wants us to do is to sing his name in praise and praise his son, the good lord Baby Jesus, creator of all that is good and holy… hey wait a minute, how can a baby do that? He’s just a baby! Which is why we are out to find out why the most devoted are the most fucked up. Normally we have a theme for our sermons, but considering this is the end of the year, we’re just going to go through some headlines you might have missed. Did you know Trump has cures for cancer and alzheimers? We didn’t!

Self-proclaimed “firefighter prophet” and right-wing conspiracy theorist Mark Taylor appeared on “The Edge” television program on Saturday night, where he said that during his second term in office, President Trump will release the long-secret cures for cancer and Alzheimer’s disease.

Taylor told host Daniel Ott that Trump’s priority during his first term is cleaning out the corruption in the pharmaceutical industry, which already has such cures but has been keeping them secret because “big pharma doesn’t want you well, they want you sick because that is how they make their money.”

Once Trump eliminates the corruption, Taylor said, we’ll “be fixing to see cures for medical conditions begin to come forth … We’ve had cures for this stuff, Daniel, for years, for decades; for cancer, we’ve got cures out there for Alzheimer’s, all kinds of diseases out there, the cures are there.”

Yes, Mr. President – it sounds good but it doesn’t work. I mean does someone want to get Brother Mark a copy of the constitution? I think he needs to do some reading! But apparently Trump isn’t just the cure for everything, brother Alex also has a cure!

Nutritional supplement salesman Alex Jones, the conspiracy theory architect behind Infowars, begged viewers for their prayers to help Infowars defeat the globalist forces he believes are trying to destroy America.

During the Infowars broadcast today, Jones addressed critics who believe he uses his platform irresponsibly to spread conspiracy theories such as the claim that the Sandy Hook massacre was a hoax. He claimed that he is not irresponsible because he’s using his network to fight the globalists.

“I know I am expendable. I know I’m just human. I know I’m weak. But, I’m not a parasite. I’m not a devil worshiper. I’m not a child molester. And man, these people are bad news. And I want God to know because I have spiritual awareness. I can feel God’s presence and when things are happy and good, I feel God’s happy. Let me tell you something. When I start looking at these people I can just feel God’s wrath boiling,” Jones said. “I just want to defeat them, and that’s why I’m God-fearing and I don’t fear them.”

By the way how great is our Top 10 Gospel Choir? Give it up for them everybody! Because there’s nothing more the Good Lord wants than to gather and sing his holy name, amen! Hey everyone, can I get an amen???? But Christianity attracts even the super paranoid – especially with Brother Alex, but even Brother Lance gives an insane opinion on Nazis!

Right-wing preacher Lance Wallnau streamed a video on Periscope last night in which he called on conservative Christians to mobilize for the 2018 elections in order to “literally remove every leftist from a position of government influence” because “you can no longer be in neutral when the Nazis are on the march.”

“We are going to lose America if we don’t actually mobilize,” Wallnau warned. “We’ve got the people and we’ve got the momentum. I’ll tell you where it starts—I hate to say it, but you have to literally remove every leftist from a position of government influence where they open the door to advance their lawless utopia … We’re going to have to smash that. You start with the political. You have got to take those political offices. You have to because you have to dismantle the apparatus of where power can come in through the top, to the courts and legislation.”

You know it’s bad when even Hitler denounces you! Because LYING IS A SIN!!!! AND SINS MUST BE CLEANSED BY JESUS CHRIST, CREATOR OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY! CAN I GET AN AMEN!!! Let us sing now!!! But as you know Brother Moore suffered a crippling defeat in Alabama at the hands of a do-gooder! But what did his loss get blamed on? Porno! Porno! Porno!

On his radio program yesterday, extremist anti-LGBTQ pastor Kevin Swanson reacted to Roy Moore’s loss in the Senate election in Alabama earlier this week by blaming it on the state’s love of pornography, which he also warned is turning children gay.

Swanson, who interviewed Moore on his program earlier this year, told his audience that Alabama was among the states where people spent the most time on the website Pornhub in 2016, which lead him to conclude that it was no coincidence that Moore lost because “that state probably has significant sexual problems, especially since Doug Jones is so in favor of sexual perversion, transgenderism and homosexuality. Evidently, the state of Alabama must have a problem with sexuality. It’s obvious.”

“Unless there is a spiritual awakening,” Swanson added, “I think these conservative states are going to become liberal in their moral values within another five, 10, or 20 years. If the fathers are doing pornography, the kids are going to turn into homosexuals. The fathers will hide their sin and the children will come out of the closet with it. By the way, the top porn search word in Alabama and Mississippi is ‘lesbian.’ So another indication that the father’s generation is dabbling in porn, the children’s generation will go head over heels for some of the most egregious sexual crimes that men ever engage in.”

I’m going to leave Brother Kevin with that image there. You can’t unsee that! I’m sure Brother Kevin has spent countless hours jerking the gerkin and spanking the monkey to some of the most hardcore pornography imaginable! But we must ask – why are our brothers and sisters lying to us? Because as we all know lying is a sin! And sins must be cleansed!

On the third day of his appearance on Jim Bakker’s television program this week, supposed modern-day prophet Sundar Selvaraj claimed that he was told by Jesus Christ that Pope Francis is the False Prophet who will lead the world into the worship of the Antichrist, as foretold in the Book of Revelation.

Selvaraj recounted how, a few years ago, “the Lord Jesus appeared to me about the False Prophet who is mentioned in Revelation, chapter 13 and then very simply and very clearly he said, ‘The present Pope Francis is the prophesied False Prophet.’ And then he went on explaining to me the many things the false prophet will do, and then later on, I did some research and I found that whatever the Lord Jesus told me what what exactly Pope Francis has already begun to do.”

Selvaraj said that on the day that Pope Francis met with Palestinian Authority president Mahmoud Abbas and Israeli president Shimon Peres in 2014, “a meteor flew very close by earth and NASA nicknamed the meteor ‘The Beast.’ So that confirmed what the Lord revealed, that the False Prophet—the beast that is mentioned in Revelation 13—is the Pope.”

But finally this is our last sermon for this year. But as the Congregation Of The Top 10 will convene next year, so will Holy Shit! Because they are not going away any time soon! So I’ll just leave this here.

“This may seem an odd comparison, but I think it’s a real one, that we’re moving, Tony, toward automated cars, for example. And in the regulatory world, there’s the debate over how they’re going to regulate these automated vehicles. But you can imagine the control over our lives the government would have if they could remotely control our vehicles, which they may in fact someday be able to do and I think we have to think about that,” Jeffrey said.

“It doesn’t get discussed a lot but it’s going to happen,” Jeffrey said. “Down the road at some point automobiles are going to be automated and someone is going to be in control of the infrastructure that directs how those automobiles move.”

Jeffrey then painted a scenario where the government takes control of self-driving cars to prevent anti-choice activists from being able to transport themselves to protests.

“Imagine that the government is doing something outrageous like legalizing the killing of unborn babies and a lot of people want to go down to the Washington Mall one day a year and make it known they’re sticking up to the right for life, but the only way they can get through to that Mall is by getting on a transportation system that’s controlled by the government,” Jeffrey said.

Yay, I hope that is the take away you get for this year! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! Or pieces depending on whether or not your church supports open or concealed carry. That’s it this year for:

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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You know what time it is? It’s time for this!

Of course you know by now people are people and people are dumb. But unlike most times where we recap stupid people during the week, this time we’re going to recap our favorite stories of stupid people from the entire year! So many ways we could go with this! Well one of my favorite stories of stupid people had to be the flat earther who attempted to launch a rocket into low orbit to prove the earth is flat.

It appears we will need to wait a while longer to find out whether more than two millennia of thinkers and explorers — from Aristotle and Ferdinand Magellan, to Neil deGrasse Tyson and John Glenn — have been wrong about the shape of the Earth.

"Mad" Mike Hughes, limousine driver and self-proclaimed flat-Earther, announced that he had to delay his plan to launch himself 1,800 feet high in a rocket of his own making. The launch, which he has billed as a crucial first step toward ultimately photographing our disc-world from space, had been scheduled for Saturday — before the Bureau of Land Management got wind of the plan and barred him from using public land in Amboy, Calif.

Also, the rocket launcher he had built out of a used motor home "broke down in the driveway" on Wednesday, according to Hughes. He said in a YouTube announcement that they'd eventually gotten the launcher fixed — but the small matter of federal permission proved a more serious stumbling block (for now).

I can pretty much imagine that’s how that whole thing is going to pan out. And that’s what you get for using a rocket made by Acme corporation! Then I love this story – and it’s from my neck of the woods – and I was in the area on that very night!

A rowdy pair of Uber riders reportedly damaged their driver’s car during a late-night In-N-Out run in Hollywood on Saturday night. And as CBS Los Angeles shows, much of it was caught on camera.

The incident happened well into the evening on August 19, when two women requested a ride from Uber. Driver Travis Cole answered the request and picked up the two women outside of a Hollywood bar. The pair seemed intoxicated, Cole tells CBS, and things pretty quickly fell apart. At least one of the women allegedly threw up in the backseat, prompting Cole to force the whole car out at the In-N-Out in Hollywood along Sunset Boulevard.

From there, the duo got into a number of different altercations with bystanders and onlookers, and even took to Cole’s car, smashing his windshield with the heel of a shoe and causing plenty of other damage — in addition to that backseat vomit. Police arrived on the scene, arresting the women and posting bail of $20,000 apiece.

At least D-FENS didn’t show up! And here’s another one of my favorite stories of the year and of course it involves Florida. And it involves hurricanes. And it involves stupid people with guns. You have the dumb news trifecta!

A Florida sheriff is warning citizens not to shoot guns at Hurricane Irma as the monster storm approaches Florida.

“To clarify, DO NOT shoot weapons @ #Irma,” the Pasco County, Fla. sheriff tweeted. “You won't make it turn around & it will have very dangerous side effects.”

The sheriff was responding to a viral Facebook event that jokingly encouraged people to shoot guns at the hurricane. More than 26,000 people have marked themselves as “attending” the event.
The Coalition to Stop Gun Violence also issued a warning to followers to not shoot guns at the storm.

One of the creators of the event, Ryon Edwards, told Yahoo News that he created the event out of “stress and boredom.”

"I never envisioned this event becoming some kind of crazy idea larger than myself. It has become something a little out of my control,” Edwards said.

Seriously – Yosemite Sam aint got nothing on American gun nuts! Yee haw!!!! Oh and here’s another one – if you work in an ER, you’re pretty much on your feet 16 hours a day. But really – don’t have a penis measuring contest!

Five Denver Health Medical Center nurses were disciplined for admiring a patient's genitals after he'd gone on to meet his maker.

According to KMGH, the health workers had helped themselves to a peek at the deceased man's penis, at one point going so far as to open a body bag to view his departed parts.

"Multiple staff members viewed the victim while he was incapacitated, including after he was deceased," a Denver Police Department report states. "The complainant, Risk Management for Denver Health, made a mandatory report."

And then one of my favorite dumb stories this year involves my local football team – the Los Angeles Chargers and a clearly insanely disgruntled fan from San Diego, but the real fail came from Chargers owner Dean Spanos who clearly doesn’t understand how crowd sizes work – much like our president!

Dean Spanos is having a bad few weeks. Awful crowds at the Los Angeles Chargers games at StubHub Center and an 0-3 record have been made worse by a billboard and banners flying over the stadium disparaging him. Well, now the Federal Aviation Administration has reportedly piled onto Spanos’ misery.

FOX 5 in San Diego is reporting Spanos tried to stop the banners being flown above StubHub Center on game days by requesting a temporary flight restriction (TFR). The FAA rejected the request and the reason is delicious. You see, TFRs are only granted for stadiums and arenas that hold 30,000 or more. Spanos’ soccer stadium home only holds 27,000, so the FAA shut down his request.

And then there was this story out of Florida where a Florida man who rescued a squirrel and kept it as a pet was possibly getting kicked out of his apartment. Can you say SQUIRREL?

Ryan Boylan and Brutis are inseparable pals.

Boylan tells Clearwater’s WFLA News Channel 8, “I can’t imagine not being around her.”

As for Brutis, she always has a shoulder to lean on.

Problem is, Brutis is a squirrel, and property managers at Boylan’s Clearwater Beach condo, who discovered his furry friend in April, say Brutis has got to go or Boylan will be evicted.

What? There’s a squirrel? SQUIRREL!!!!! And finally to round out the year in stupid people, we got to revisit the Borat impersonating tourists who were arrested in Kazakhstan . Yeah really don’t do that, I hear that they hate that movie there. Very nice!!!

(PRAGUE) — Six Czech tourists who dressed up in skimpy swimsuits made famous by Sacha Baron Cohen’s “Borat” have reportedly been detained by authorities in Kazakhstan’s capital Astana.

Sporting lime green “mankinis” and black wigs, the men had hoped to take a picture in front of the “I Love Astana” sign.

But local police took action, detaining them on Friday and fining them 22,500 tenge ($68) each for committing minor hooliganism, according to the Kazakh news website informburo.kz.

That’s it this year for:

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[font size="8"]World Tour Destination #27: Mexico
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Part of our mission statement here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots is to show you that conservative idiocy isn’t just a problem with America. No, it’s a global problem that is stemming far and wide, and it’s not just America where conservative idiots ruin everything they touch. And if you’re thinking of moving out of the United States just because Donald J. Trump is our current president and our nation is turning to shit, you should know what it is you’re getting into should you decide that you want to leave the country. So if you want a recap of where we’ve been so far, in the last few weeks we’ve discovered that the UAE is the original home of corporate greed, Canada is Canada, and Cuba is the center of an attempted murder mystery plot. Here’s the tour schedule:

[font size="6"]Mexico[/font]

This is it people! This is the grand finale! We are hanging out in the beautiful city of Cancun, and we are done with the first leg of our first ever Top 10 Conservative Idiots world tour! Let’s kick back and have a margarita, and let’s do this thing! So welcome to Mexico! it’s that country that’s south of the border, don’t you know? Mexico has a very long and very crazy history that we can’t really get into. Mexico is the home of the ancient civilizations the Incas and the Mayas. Which you can see in famous temples and ruins like Chichen Itza, and Teotihuacán. It’s northern neighbors are the states of California, Arizona, Texas, and New Mexico. Mexico is home to such major cities as Tijuana, Mexico D.F. (Districto Federal), Guadalajara, and of course everyone’s favorite spring break destinations like Cancun, Cabo San Lucas, and Puerto Vallarta. And by the way if you go to Mexico and think all Mexican food is burritos, tacos, and chimichangas, think again! Real Mexican food is things like Mole sauce and pretty much anything with poblano chiles. Mexico is also the home to the mariachi and caliente music. I love me a good mariachi band, and we’ve got one right here! Oh if you think I’m doing an entry on Mexico without a live mariachi band present, you don’t know this show! Say hola to the crowd, guys! That’s Mariachi Corazon De Camino, from Gardena, California! So what else is Mexico the home of? Well, it will be the new home of Ford for starters!

Ford Motor Co. is changing gears again in Mexico, shifting planned production of a small electric-powered sport utility vehicle to a plant south of the border instead of a Michigan factory.

Sending the electric vehicle to Mexico, where labor costs are lower, will help the business case for the costly model. It also risks raising the ire of President Donald Trump, who had been sharply critical of an earlier plan by Ford to build a small car factory in Mexico that the company ultimately canceled.

“They have to do what’s best financially and this electric vehicle is not going to be huge” in terms of sales volume, said Michelle Krebs, an analyst with car-shopping website Autotrader. “It’s not like they’re not putting money into the U.S.”

Moving production of the as-yet-unnamed electric SUV to Mexico will allow the carmaker to boost planned output of self-driving vehicles at its factory in Flat Rock, Michigan. The Wall Street Journal reported the automaker’s change of plans earlier.

I can just picture Trump right now going “BUY AMERICAN!!!!”. And with cars comes that sweet sweet crude! Exxon may be moving some operations to Mexico. I mean is this how we MAGA, Mr. Trump?

Exxon Mobil Corp. is joining Chevron Corp. and other U.S. refiners to supply the newly free Mexican fuel market.

Exxon sent two cargoes totaling 120,000 barrel of diesel and gasoline Wednesday from its refinery in Beaumont, Texas, to a private terminal in San Luis Potosi. The company is moving cargoes along Kansas City Southern Railway Co.’s network and plans to utilize the San Jose Iturbide terminal in Guanajuato state, which is being expanded, to bring in more supplies. Eventually, it aims to move product from all of its refineries along the Gulf Coast.

“Exxon Mobil is the first company to compete in the Mexican fuel market in an integrated form,” Carlos Rivas, general director of fuel for the company in Mexico, said Wednesday in a phone interview.

No sorry, we got no time. We’re almost to the end of the world tour! I just want some tacos and a margarita to celebrate, OK? You know we had those massive fires in California, and there were even a few in Mexico that have spawned up! But this is too fucked up!

A large plume of smoke in the skyline south of San Diego is tied to a wildfire in Mexico, Cal Fire officials confirmed.

Smoke was first spotted by San Diego residents around 11:30 a.m. Wednesday morning, causing concern.

Thick white smoke could be seen by neighbors in the southeastern part of San Diego County.

There is no active wildfire working in San Diego County at this time.

Yeah fire! Fire! Heh heh heh! Although you know what will really blow Trump’s mind? Mexico is more progressive than the United States! Yes – our friends south of the border are winning more than Trump is! Ha!!!


Former Mexico finance minister Jose Antonio Meade, who resigned to seek the presidential nomination of the ruling party, is lagging far behind in public support ahead of next year's election, according to a newspaper poll published Wednesday.

Meade, who is widely expected to receive the nomination of the centrist Institutional Revolutionary Party (PRI), came in third in two scenarios polled by Mexican newspaper El Universal, while leftist Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador maintained a strong lead in both instances.

The survey found that 31 percent of respondents would vote for Lopez Obrador, who leads the National Regeneration Movement (MORENA) party, followed by the conservative National Action Party's (PAN) Ricardo Anaya, leading a coalition of parties, with 23 percent. Meade came in third with 16 percent.

Really, sir, is this how we are winning? Really? And you know how Mexico is winning? It’s starting to track tourists who get black out drunk! Hey if you go to Mexico – DO NOT DRINK THE BAD ALCOHOL!!!

Officials with the U.S. Department of State are now tracking reports of blackouts and injuries related to potentially tainted alcohol in Mexico and said Friday they have already received a dozen complaints.

The agency has come under fire from lawmakers on both sides of the aisle in recent months for “underplaying” the risks to tourists traveling to Mexico and for not doing enough when U.S. citizens are injured or die while vacationing there. One U.S. senator called the department’s response to tourist troubles in Mexico “disingenuous.”

The announcement comes three days after the U.S. Office of Inspector General launched an inquiry into the agency’s policies and procedures for handling those cases.

First up give it up for our mariachi band! How great is that? So don’t drink the bad alcohol. But Mexico is also doing better than we are at our own War On Drugs game if this is accurate!

MEXICO CITY — Mexico’s Congress on Friday passed a law that strengthens the military’s role in fighting organized crime, defying an outcry from human rights groups, police experts and even United Nations officials who warned that the measure will lead to abuses.

The law, which President Enrique Peña Nieto is expected to sign, sets up a legal framework to deploy soldiers in regions controlled by drug gangs.

The law’s supporters argue that it ends a dozen years of improvised orders that place soldiers on the streets with no clear mission and no deadline.

[font size="6"]The Verdict & Scorecard[/font]

Give it up for the Top 10 Mariachi Band everybody! Mexico is a great place to visit and there’s tons of cities with tons of things to do. Living here you might want to reconsider, at least for the time being.

Tourism: A+
Culture: A+
Political Spectrum: C-
Liberal Appeal: B

Overall: B+

[font size="6"]Next Week[/font]

There is no next week! This is it! We are finished! We’re coming home for some long rest! I want to thank all of our hosts – you guys were absolutely amazing! Except for maybe Saudi Arabia. But the rest of you – all amazing! I love you all! And then when the new season starts we’ll have another few rounds before Stupidest State 2018! We did it everybody!!!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Rise Against[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, let’s get this post season party started! Closing out the season is an awesome band from the heartland of Chicago! They have a new album out called “Wolves”. Playing their song “Welcome To The Breakdown”, give it up for Rise Against!

Wait – they want to stick around for one more? Sure!

Yeah how about that?

Thank you very much for following the Top 10 throughout the shitty year that was 2017! I want to thank all the amazing musical acts we’ve had this year. I want to thank all our contributors. I want to thank my staff, crew, fans and well everybody who supports the Top 10! I also want to thank all of our amazing hosts for the Top 10 World Tour! This is the end of the Top 10 season 3! Top 10 Conservative Idiots returns January 10th with the start of season 4 and our very special countdown to our 100th edition!

See you next year!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: City National Grove Of Anaheim, Anaheim, CA
Special Thanks To: City National Grove Management
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
Graphics: Top 10 Graphics Department
Research: Top 10 Research Department
Lighting & Stage Props: Top 10 Lighting Department
Legal: Top 10 Legal Department
Advertising: Top 10 Advertising Department
HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Mexico Hosting: Univision, Mexico City (fuck you Trump!)
Mariachi Band: Mariachi Corazon De Camino, Gardena, CA
Top 10 Gospel Choir: Apex Church Gospel Choir, San Dimas, CA
Rise Against Appear Courtesy Of: Virgin Records
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
Follow The Top 10 On Twitter: @DUInitechTop10

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

December 13, 2017

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-26: The Senators Revenge (Terror In Gadsden) Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-26: The Senator’s Revenge (Terror In Gadsden) Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Come to your local Top 10 dealer today for our Top 10 Winter Solstice Sales Event! Lease a new Top 10 today for $3,999 down with $299 for 36 months with 1.9% APR financing on approved credit. See your salesman for details. We are back everybody! It’s no secret that I love music, as you know by the musical guests we’ve had on this program. So you know our musical guest this week is Noel Gallagher. He’s you know – the other half of Oasis. We already had his brother Liam Gallagher on the show and I love his album. And Noel has been kind of a prankster, and don’t get me wrong – I love nonsense. And I love pranks. In fact I’ve got a good one planned for April Fool’s Day this year. So anyway, Noel was out promoting his new album called “Who Built The Moon” which is great. All of the High Flying Birds albums have been great so far. So anyway, Noel did a TV promo for the album that aired in the UK. Well, a critic for the Irish Times – Ian Mulaney - isn’t having any of it. So he posted a one star review of the album where he just trashed it. And I mean man he trashed it good. Some of the choice quotes from the review: “a dried up oasis of dross”, and “There are musical gestures here that would be a cause of embarrassment if you heard them played by a gang of black-clad teenagers at a Saturday afternoon battle of the bands in a rural parish hall.”. Ouch. So what did Noel do? Well let’s show the ad! I love it so much! Yes, he put the one star review in the ad, and it started a whole back and forth between him and Mulvaney! I love a good beef like that! OK that’s enough of the intro. We have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first, we have to play Weekend Update’s response to Trump declaring Jerusalem as the capital of Isreal:

Number one this week is the Al Franken hit job. Yes – Al Franken resigned. But at what cost? What good is it doing? We will tell you the whole shitty story. So I got to explain the second entry. If Roy Moore had won, we were going to do a People Who Somehow Got Elected. But now that Roy Moore lost, we’re going to add him to “This Fucking Guy”! At number 3 is also Donald Trump (3) because he recognized Jerusalem as the capital of Isreal last week, and the proverbial shit is about to hit the fan, and you know who wins? The Armageddon wing of the Christian right. And that can’t be good. And thanks to Donald Trump’s (4) recklessness, while you weren’t looking, the US lost a crucial ally in Europe as we were denounced by Germany. At number 5 is our weekly sermon of all things holy as we dive into what the Christian right has been up to with “Holy Shit”. This week we’re going to tell you about the Christian rights’ champion Kim Davis and her unexpected challenger. Believe me, this is a good one! At number 6 is the Alt Right (6). So they attempted to get Sam Seder booted from MSNBC, but MSNBC did their due diligence and found out they were wrong! Gee, what a shocker! At number 7, Alex Jones must have been smoking some good Covfefe in the last few days because wait until you hear his latest crackpot theories! In the number 8 slot we got to do this story and I hate this story and everyone in it, but we got to talk about bullied kid Keaton Jones and his mom (8). This story shows exactly what the internet does to a person in less than a day. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot we’ve got a new installment of “I Need A Drink” and we’re actually going to combine this with an appearance from the Top 10 Home Shopping Network to tell you some gifts that you can get your Trump loving relatives! Finally this week it’s the penultimate stop of the first leg of our World Tour! We are almost done everybody! All of our hosts have been amazing and I want to thank all of them. And so for our next to last stop we’re going to tour the scenic island nation of Cuba! Plus we’ve got some live music for you from Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds. They have a new album out called “Who Built The Moon” that is great. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]The Al Franken Take Down
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Tonight’s episode: The Senator’s Revenge (Terror In Gadsden). So by now you know that Al Franken was cast out in another edition of America’s Next Top President. And normally this is the Top 10 Conservative Idiots, but this week – it’s off the hook. Both parties were extremely disappointing in how they handled this whole debacle. But Al isn’t alone in this whole debacle. He’s got friends.

WASHINGTON — Sen. Al Franken of Minnesota announced on Thursday that he will resign in the face of multiple allegations of sexual misconduct. On the same day, Arizona Republican Rep. Trent Franks also said he was resigning from Congress over allegations of sexual harassment from two former staffers.

They, along with Rep. John Conyers, D-Mich., all resigned in one week’s time. They join a long list of lawmakers ousted by scandal.

Yes Al you did kick ass! And maybe that’s why the Alt Right is so afraid of you. But you know what? We can’t stoop to their level can we? I mean can we?

Long before he became a senator, Al Franken was a liberal hero for the way he stuck it to Republicans. And so it was perhaps inevitable that, even as he resigned from the Senate in disgrace this week, he couldn’t resist a parting shot.

“I of all people,” Franken said on the Senate floor, “am aware that there is some irony in the fact that I am leaving while a man who has bragged on tape about his history of sexual assault sits in the Oval Office, and a man who has repeatedly preyed on young girls campaigns for the Senate with the full support of his party.”

It was a line of reasoning worthy of President Trump: Why am I being persecuted while my political enemy goes unpunished? How is that fair? Franken didn’t apologize — in fact, he cast doubt on his accusers — and the only regret he expressed was for “having to walk away from this job.” But after a political career premised on exposing the depravity of Republicans, Franken himself stood exposed. For years, he had built his brand on always being in the right. Even as he relinquished his Senate seat, he couldn’t let go of his sense of moral superiority.

But seriously, how does Al Franken go but a certain 45th president of the United States still remains in office? The hypocrisy is absolutely mind boggling!

Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand called on President Donald Trump to resign over allegations of sexual misconduct on Monday, the latest of five lawmakers in the chamber to do so.

“President Trump should resign,” Gillibrand said during an interview on CNN. “These allegations are credible; they are numerous. I’ve heard these women’s testimony, and many of them are heartbreaking.”

The New York Democrat added that if Trump did not “immediately resign,” Congress “should have appropriate investigations of his behavior and hold him accountable.”

The remarks came on the heels of similar calls by Sens. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.), Jeff Merkley (D-Ore.), Ron Wyden (D-Ore.) and Cory Booker (D-N.J.), all of whom urged the president to either step down following the announced resignation of Sen. Al Franken (D-Minn.) over sexual harassment allegations.

What? It’s not wrong! It’s what happened! I mean this whole thing with Al Franken is beyond insane – and this is the week in which the Christian right threw out morals and supported a pedophile for the US Senate!

It’s hardly surprising that Trump is miffed at Gillibrand. On Monday, the gentlewoman from New York publicly called on the president to step down in light of the multiple accusations of harassment and assault swirling around him. Having long pressed for the military to address its sexual-assault problem, Gillibrand has emerged more recently as a crusader against all manner of sexual misbehavior by political leaders: She was the first Senate Democrat to call on her Minnesota colleague Al Franken to step down, and she contends that elected officials absolutely should be held to higher standards than regular folks.

Understandably, Trump does not appreciate the senator’s focusing a spotlight on his own … vulnerabilities in this area. What powerful man would?

But unlike most men, Trump is not content simply to push back against the substance of the accusations against him. Nor is it enough for him to follow the usual partisan playbook and dismiss Gillibrand as politically motivated—though his “flunky” crack did make that point.

But some good news though is that Franken didn’t exit quietly – he took some parting shots at Trump before making his way out the door:

Sen. Al Franken is officially on his way out the Senate door, resigning in the wake of allegations that he touched women improperly or made unwanted advances.

And in his Thursday announcement, the Minnesota Democrat made sure to take a shot at President Trump and Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore, both accused of sexual misconduct of their own.

"I, of all people, am aware that there is some irony in the fact that I am leaving while a man who has bragged on tape about his history of sexual assault sits in the Oval Office and a man who has repeatedly preyed on young girls campaigns for the Senate with the full support of his party."

Trump has been accused by a dozen women of groping and forced sexual encounters. Moore, who will face voters in next week's Alabama special election, has been accused of sexually harassing and assaulting teenagers while he was in his 30s.

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[font size="8"]Roy Moore
[br] [/font]

It’s now time for another installment of:

This week’s This Fucking Guy is Roy Moore. Now come on Christian right, let us have this one! You fucked up! You can’t win them all! And I mean come on, I watched the news last night. You kept saying that if it had been any other candidate, the GOP would have won. And you may be right about that – it is Alabama. They could run Ted Kaczynski and Ted Bundy, but as long as they had an R next to their name and played the Jesus card, they’d win Alabama! And you know what? We said the same thing! So how did Moore celebrate election day?

GOP Senate candidate Roy Moore and his wife will ride horses to their Alabama polling location on Tuesday.

A schedule released by the Moore campaign for the Dec. 12 election includes “Traditional Horseback Ride to their Polling Location."

Moore and his wife, Kayla, typically ride horses to every election where Moore is a candidate. They rode horseback to the Alabama run-off, where Moore beat out Sen. Luther Strange to be the GOP nominee, and to the first round of the GOP primary in August.

Most recent polls have put Moore ahead of opponent Democrat Doug Jones for the Senate seat vacated by Attorney General Jeff Sessions, despite a series of allegations that he sexually assaulted teenage girls.

You know can I just say fuck Roy Moore and the horse he rode in on? Thank you! And he’s got nothing on Sam Elliot, by the way! Sam Elliot is a national treasure. Roy Moore is the exact opposite of that. Well Roy Moore still has a few supporters on the Christian right like our favorite fake football coach Dave Daubenmire:

Religious Right activist Dave Daubenmire dedicated his “Pass The Salt Live” webcast this morning to analyzing Roy Moore’s loss in the Senate election in Alabama, blaming Christians who were too self-righteous to vote for Moore simply because he may have molested some teenage girls decades ago.

“We had an underbelly that was exposed to us last night,” he said. “If you guys don’t think that we’re in trouble—remember when I was telling you that it’s about the destruction of white Christian male? Do you remember that? This whole thing is all playing out that very thing, the destruction of the white Christian male. And the left, the God-haters, the devil has had tremendous influence in the lives of Christian believers, there is no other way to explain that mess that happened down in Alabama.”

Daubenmire blasted Christians who refused to support Moore simply because he “maybe molested a girl 40 years ago” but were willing to vote for a Democrat “who wants to kill babies.”

Really Dave? You defend molestation but play the "democrats want to kill your babies" card? Really? That's the take away you got from last night's election? But it’s not over, apparently. He vowed revenge! Oh yes – just like a good James Bond villain, or Bowser from the Super Mario Bros games, he will keep coming back for more!

Just when you thought that the seemingly endless Senate race in Alabama was over, the candidate who was long expected to win it has announced that it isn’t.

After Republican Roy Moore’s campaign chairman took to the lectern to assure the candidate’s supporters that declarations of victory for Democrat Doug Jones were premature, Moore himself stepped up to do the same.

“When the vote is this close . . . it’s not over,” Moore said. Why? Well, if a race is within half a percentage point after all the votes are tallied, an automatic recount is triggered that could conceivably flip the result. And with a narrow Jones lead and military ballots still needing to be counted, Moore assured the crowd that some miracle still might happen.

Hey maybe the GOP is like the democrats’ wingman – they are so obsessed with us aren’t they? And hey I’m not complaining! But this is my favorite part of the election – when not even yesterday Roy Moore’s wife made an impassioned plea that – guess what? They’re not racist! And this reason is too good not to ignore it!

“Fake news would tell you that we don’t care for Jews. But I’ll tell you all this because I see you all, I just want to set the record straight while they’re here: One of our attorneys is a Jew,” Kayla Moore said, waving towards the back of the room where reporters were gathered. “We have very close friends who are Jewish.”

The comment came towards the end of a testy and sometimes bizarre rally Monday night where she, her deeply controversial husband, Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore, and top allies lashed out at all of their enemies, real and imagined: The multiple women who’ve accused him of sexual misconduct towards them when they were teenagers, the “fake news” that covered the women’s claims, the https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYUQQgogVeQY8cMQamhHJcgRepublican establishment that’s recoiled from Moore since the allegations broke, and the Democrats who are hoping to score a shocking victory against him on Tuesday.

It was a fitting capstone for one of the most bizarre elections in recent memory.

Yeah… that is exactly saying I’m not racist but… and then going and saying something completely racist! So we got to play this clip for a minute and bask in its’ insane glory and I think it would sound better with the Sad Hulk Music behind it:

So they say they’re not racist because one of their lawyers is a Jew. Remember back during the 2012 election when Mitt Romney said that some of his best friends are NASCAR owners? Yeah it’s kind of like that. But really – they are racists! Hey Christian right – we’ll stop calling you racists when you stop saying and doing racist shit! How about that?

Amid all the controversy that has recently surrounded Alabama U.S. Senate candidate Roy Moore for his alleged activities with teenagers in the 1970s, the Republican nominee’s ties to individuals and groups who admire and praise the Confederate States of America -- a breakaway republic founded on slavery -- have received significantly less attention.

Moore, who is facing Democrat Doug Jones in a special election on Tuesday, has insisted that he is not a racist. This week, Moore’s campaign called him “a champion of civil rights.” On Monday, he told Christian nationalist radio host Sandy Rios that he had a “great amount of support in the community.”

“This issue of racism is completely ridiculous,” Moore said. “I’m not a racist. I don’t stand against people because of the color of their skin. I believe that our founding documents quite clearly point out God made us all equal and created us in his own image.”

Yeah so there is that. But guess what? His brother vowed revenge! Mmm… yes… Mmmm… yes my pretties! It is on!

Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore refused to concede after losing to Democratic opponent Doug Jones Tuesday night, and it appears he is not the only member of his family who is bitter about the defeat.

Jerry Moore, the former judge-cum-accused child predator’s brother, reportedly told NPR’s Debbie Elliott that: “”It might not happen on this earth right now, but Doug Jones will pay for what he’s saying.”

There you have it – they’re literally saying “You’ll live to regret this!”. That’s Roy Moore – this week’s:

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

Enough about Roy Moore for now. So last week Donald Trump took a step closer to killing us all in a fiery nuclear blaze last week. How did he do it? By declaring Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. Yes, by doing so he managed to piss off three of the world’s foremost major religions – all of which claim Israel as its’ capital. So here’s what happened.

At ground zero, by Jerusalem's Old City walls, reaction to President Trump's declaration that the United States now recognizes the city as being Israel's capital is both mixed and muted.
A small group of Palestinian women sat chanting outside the ancient Damascus Gate and youths who in other cities might be described as feral baited police, in an almost ritualized ebb and flow of bravado.
There was no violence and Israel Police spokesman Micky Rosenfeld told me the gathering was "relatively small ... we've dealt with much larger."

He would be there again Friday as Palestinians streamed home following their most important prayers of the week. It was the moment many had feared could turn to ugly violence.

No stop it. We’re not going to die just yet. But the proverbial shit is hitting the fan. And why is Trump doing this? To please his hardcore base of end times fanatics. But you know who is pleased with this? Israel!

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has defended US President Donald Trump's controversial plan to relocate the US embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, saying Monday that he believed European countries would follow suit.
Speaking in Brussels, where he is meeting European Union foreign ministers, Netanyahu said Trump's announcement was based on "recognizing reality."
Trump's move Wednesday to recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Israel and commit to moving the US embassy to the holy city prompted international criticism and sparked protests across the world.

I already told you! We’re not going to die yet! Stop it! *slaps Fry* So why was this so important and why did Trump wait until just now to realize this? And why should this fucking terrify you? *cue horror music* Thank you sound effects guy!

Both Israelis and Palestinians claim the city as their political capital and as a sacred religious site. Israel controls the entirety of the city. Any peace deal would need to resolve that.

The city’s status has been disputed, at least officially, since the 1948 Arab-Israeli War. Before that, the United Nations had designated Jerusalem as a special international zone. During the war, Israel seized the city’s western half. It seized the eastern half during the next Arab-Israeli war, in 1967.

Most foresee a peace deal that gives western Jerusalem to Israel and eastern Jerusalem to a future Palestinian state.

The United States, in order to present itself as a dispassionate broker, long considered Jerusalem’s status to be a conflict issue that was up to Israelis and Palestinians to decide. Mr. Trump is breaking with that traditional neutrality.

Yeah that’s what we should have done – left the whole damn thing alone. But nope – we have Trump and the far right Christian cult in charge! And we haven’t even got to Holy Shit yet this week! It seems we are in the end times. I mean Kevin Feige even said the Avengers is going to have a series finale and in comic book movies that almost never happens! So what’s the series finale for earth going to look like?

The relish with which Donald Trump signed the declaration recognising Jerusalem as the capital of Israel left me with a sense of cold resignation at the obduracy of the man. He was almost gleeful; the power he now wields enables him with the stroke of a pen to bring about historical changes to our suffering world. But I was neither surprised nor angry – those emotions having long since been spent.

I have lived under Israel’s occupation for 50 years and listened to many empty declarations while witnessing the Jewish settlements expand, destroying our beautiful landscape and rendering us Palestinians strangers in our own land. Israel has never had to be concerned about the formal positions that the US observed, which considered it an occupier of the territories, including East Jerusalem, it has held since 1967, nor by the oft-repeated position that the Israeli settlements are illegal. This was because these formal positions were never followed by any implementation on the part of the US.

OK maybe we are all gonna die! So Trump gave the religious right a huge gift. And they’re the last people who need gifts. I mean what’s next? Are we going to give the billionaires more money? We already did that? Shit! Oh and by the way – Trump’s actions last week revealed yet another piece of the puzzle in the Russian collusion investigation:

WASHINGTON — The classified intelligence that President Trump disclosed in a meeting last week with Russian officials at the White House was provided by Israel, according to a current and a former American official familiar with how the United States obtained the information. The revelation adds a potential diplomatic complication to an episode that has renewed questions about how the White House handles sensitive intelligence.

Israel is one of the United States’ most important allies and runs one of the most active espionage networks in the Middle East. Mr. Trump’s boasting about some of Israel’s most sensitive information to the Russians could damage the relationship between the two countries and raises the possibility that the information could be passed to Iran, Russia’s close ally and Israel’s main threat in the region.

Israeli officials would not confirm that they were the source of the information that Mr. Trump shared, which was about an Islamic State plot. In a statement emailed to The New York Times, Ron Dermer, the Israeli ambassador to the United States, reaffirmed that the two countries would maintain a close counterterrorism relationship.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Seriously, we live in a weird fucking time right now. Any other day this would be a major front page headline and get 24/7 coverage: “President Accuses Senator Of Begging For Money”. But nope, we live in a world where Donald Trump is our president and he does something batshit crazy in about once an hour.

WASHINGTON — President Trump aggressively returned to the issue of sexual harassment on Tuesday, again dismissing his own accusers as fabricators and attacking a female Democratic senator as a “lightweight” who “would do anything” for campaign contributions.

The president’s attacks came in early morning Twitter posts after three of the accusers had come forward on Monday to renew their charges from last year that Mr. Trump had sexually assaulted them before he entered politics, and after the senator, Kirsten Gillibrand of New York, had called for him to resign.

Well… she’s got you there, asshole. I mean seriously we’re going to hell at an alarming rate and our descent to the bottom is fast approaching. But then there’s Alex Jones who said this about Trump’s accusers:

Today on Infowars, Jones theorized that Democrats forced a few of their own to step down from powerful roles after sexual assault allegations were made with the plan to then “go after Trump with their made-up stuff.”

“They have Megyn Kelly with these women that say that he asked them out or tried to give them their number, or one had been rude to him on an airplane so he called her the C-word, in one case 30 years ago,” Jones said. “Another woman says, this is like 11 or 12 years ago, he asked for her phone number.”

Jones then focused on the women’s looks.

“And I’m sorry. She’s not Trump’s type. I do not think these women are attractive. Trump is a complete perfectionist when it comes to women and just none of it fits,” Jones said.

Seriously Alex, you’re not helping. What do you think is Trump’s type? Women who look exactly like Ivanka? Thank you! But the good thing is that the women of Donald T (see: Top 10 #45 ) are starting to come forward and speak about their encounters with Mr. Trump:

Four women who have previously accused President Donald Trump of sexual misconduct before he took office called on Congress to investigate the allegations as America's watershed #MeToo moment continues to unfold.

Jessica Leeds, Samantha Holvey and Rachel Crooks, appearing together on "Megyn Kelly Today" on Monday, described separate interactions with the president in years past, with one of the allegations dating back several decades. Lisa Boyne, who also came forward last year, joined the others via phone for a news conference hours later.

Holvey said when she competed in Trump’s Miss USA pageant in 2006, Trump came backstage unexpectedly when she and other contestants were wearing nothing but robes and he personally inspected the contestants.

“I just felt so gross,” she said. "Just looking me over like I was a piece of meat.”

You know just try to picture Trump oogling over a woman like he stares at the sixth Big Mac that he eats in the course of a day. It can’t be done can it??? But of course Trump is going to lie about it! I mean these people lie like it’s a bodily function!

Videos and photos showing President Trump with some of the women who have accused him of sexual misconduct are resurfacing after Trump in a tweet Tuesday said his accusers are "women who I don’t know and/or have never met."

"Despite thousands of hours wasted and many millions of dollars spent, the Democrats have been unable to show any collusion with Russia — so now they are moving on to the false accusations and fabricated stories of women who I don’t know and/or have never met. FAKE NEWS!" Trump tweeted Tuesday.

People magazine published a photo later in the day showing Trump standing alongside Natasha Stoynoff, a former foreign correspondent for the magazine, while at Trump's Mar-a-Lago resort in 2005. People said that the photo was taken the same day that Stoynoff, in 2016, accused Trump of forcibly kissing her.

Another photo surfaced following Trump's tweet Tuesday showing him with another accuser, Jill Harth.


He’s got the mannerisms and vocabulary of a valley girl doesn’t he? Like you know whatever! Wrong! Sad! Unbelievable! Totally! Frank Zappa could have had a field day with this guy back in the 80s. But getting back to the subject at hand – more women have come forward! Sad!

The #MeToo sexual harassment movement roiling the nation reached the doors of the White House on Monday, when three women who last year accused President Trump of sexual misconduct began a renewed public push to gain attention for their allegations.

The three accusers were among more than a dozen who had initially come forward during the 2016 presidential campaign. The three reinvigorated their stories this week with an appearance on Megyn Kelly’s NBC show — their first joint interview — and a subsequent news conference in Manhattan, in which they also called on Congress to investigate their claims.

Their appeal occurs on the eve of a closely fought special U.S. Senate election in Alabama, where Roy Moore, the Republican nominee whom Trump has endorsed, is facing multiple accusations of sexual misconduct, and as four Senate Democrats have called on Trump to resign amid the allegations of harassment against him.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Yes friends! Gather around friends! Pass the collection plate friends! Yay, and in this darkest of times, we turn to the holiest among us! But even then we realize that the holiest among us are full of…

Welcome, welcome! Have a seat in the pew! How is my fine congregation doing on this fair Wednesday evening? You know how great is our Top 10 Gospel Choir? Give it up! But you know we gather here each and every week to honor the lord our god, creator of all that is good and holy, and we praise the name of baby Jesus while figuring out why his followers are so batshit fucking crazy. Can I get an amen? So as you know there is an election this week that will see whether or not Roy Moore becomes our next senator, and well there’s a lot of controversy.

Former Donald Trump campaign adviser Frank Amedia sent a video message to his “brothers and sisters of the Christian faith” in Alabama last week urging them to be “God’s deplorables” and vote for Roy Moore in Tuesday’s U.S. Senate election. “We need to make sure that we get at least two more Supreme Court justices appointed that have conservative Christian values on the court,” Amedia said.

Amedia founded and heads POTUS Shield, a network of dominionist “apostles” and “prophets” who believe Trump was divinely anointed to bring America back to God and speed the return of Christ to earth. In his new video, Amedia told Alabama Christians that Moore is needed to continue the “reformation” that began with Trump’s election.

Spiritual revival is important, Amedia said, but it’s only a first step toward returning America to God and abolishing abortion, same-sex marriage, and “transgender bathrooms.”

“Reformation is that which occurs as we occupy those areas that God gives us and makes a way for us to take authority in,” he said. And, he added, there’s a lot of “authority” vested in the Senate seat Moore is seeking.

Seriously if there isn’t a band starting tomorrow called “God’s Deplorables”, I will have lost all faith in the internet! But speaking of elections, there is one coming up in Kentucky that has largely gone unnoticed until now! I’m of course talking about a small position of county clerk.

A Kentucky man who was denied a license to marry his male partner by county Clerk Kim Davis in 2015 has announced that he is challenging her for her seat next year.

David Ermold and his now-husband, David Moore, were among the same-sex couples denied a license by Davis in defiance of a Supreme Court decision. Davis, the chief clerk of Rowan County, cited “God’s authority” and said her stance was motivated by her beliefs as an Apostolic Christian.

On Wednesday, Ermold filed in Morehead, the county seat, to run for the position — to “restore the confidence of the people” in the office.

“I think we need to deal with the circumstances and the consequences of what happened,” Ermold 43, an English professor at the University of Pikeville and the leader of the local gay rights organization Morehead Pride, told the Associated Press. “I don’t think the other candidates are looking at a larger message. I have an obligation here, really, to do this and to set things right.”

Yes – Sister Kim has a challenger, and it is a man who she denied a marriage license to, twice! But Kim Davis still divides America, and a divided America cannot stand for it is a SIN!!!!! AND SINS MUST BE CLEANSED!!!! In the name of all things good and holy! Can I get an amen???

MOREHEAD, Ky. (AP) — The last place Lincoln Caudill expected to see his eastern Kentucky hometown was on a television in a Philadelphia restaurant, yet there it was in the summer of 2015, flickering back at him from a newscast about a defiant county clerk refusing to issue marriage licenses to gay couples.

The U.S. Supreme Court had just declared same-sex marriage legal. But Kim Davis, the local clerk, denied some gay couples licenses because she said it violated her religious beliefs to have her name on them. For the next few months, satellite trucks, Bibles and bullhorns would dominate Morehead, Kentucky, as it became the focus of fierce national debate.

Two years later, Caudill is back in Morehead, campaigning for the county’s top elected office and trying to talk to as many people as he can. But like many people in town, he doesn’t want to talk about Davis.


Hey it isn’t a mere facepalm – if the good lord Jesus does it it’s a face psalm! Can we pass the collection plate please? Don’t be afraid to give, it is better to give than receive! But you know the Christian right loves to put their own people on a pedestal. Like Kim Davis for instance. And with friends like these, who needs enemies?

Kim Davis, the county clerk from Kentucky who refused to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples after the U.S. Supreme Court’s marriage equality decision, spent nine days in October on a tour of Romania to boost religious conservatives’ push for a referendum to put a ban on same-sex couples marrying into the country’s constitution. Davis traveled with Liberty Counsel Vice President Harry Mihet, who was born in Romania. Mihet discussed the trip last week with Liberty Counsel president Mat Staver on Faith and Freedom, the group’s weekly radio show.

Staver said that Mihet and Davis met with “four out of the six top archbishops of the Orthodox Church” as well as evangelical leaders and heads of “pro-family” organizations. Mihet said they spoke to “several hundred people” in six of the country’s largest cities, with “thousands” more watching online.

Staver said that Davis made the trip to tell her story as a warning about “the implications” of a country going “the wrong way on marriage.” Mihet said Davis gave a “powerful” message about the need to define marriage in the constitution to prevent the kind of “devastating” impact on people of faith experienced in the United States because of “judicial activism and judicial overreach.”

Bruh seriously even the good lord thinks this is deranged! I mean right now the Christian right is running two of its’ most insane people – Roy Moore and Kim Davis. And speaking of Brother Moore, why don’t we let a fake coach tell you what we should believe in?

On his “Pass The Salt Live” webcast this morning, Religious Right activist Dave Daubenmire said that Roy Moore has no obligation to tell the truth regarding multiple allegations that he pursued sexual relationships with teenage girls when he was in his 30s and that, in fact, it is better for him to lie about it if doing so will help to advance the kingdom of God.

Daubenmire, who has been an ardent Moore supporter for years and even interviewed Moore on his program back in 2013, likened Moore’s efforts to become a U.S. senator from Alabama to using misdirection in a football game, employing subterfuge during a military battle or hiding Jews from the Nazis, saying that deception and dishonesty in such endeavors is acceptable because doing so furthers a greater good.

“When I hear people say, ‘Well, Judge Moore is not worthy of the office if he’s lying about what he did,’ I want to grab ’em and I want to slap ’em upside the stinking head,” Daubenmire said. “Judge Moore is trying to infiltrate an ungodly system and the stakes in this campaign are so great for the cause of Christ and Judge Moore is being lambasted by the holier-than-thou Christians who think [the Bible] says we can never lie.”

“It’s best to lie if it advances the kingdom of God,” Daubenmire stated. “There, I said it.”

Why Brother David… you do know lying is one of the original DEADLY SINS, right? It is one of the most egregious of sins and the sin must be cleansed!!! In the name of all that is good and holy. Can I get an amen??? And if this is the Lord’s agenda I would hate to see what Satan’s agenda is! Especially if they’re the ones who are a little too jolly during the Christmas season!

Family Research Council executive vice president Jerry Boykin claimed in a recent fundraising email that not only is President Trump “separating himself from the left-wing legacy of Barack Obama,” who “avoided mentioning Christmas whenever possible,” “secularist liberals around the nation are upset that our president is honoring this blessed time of year” and “are more determined than ever to strip away our rights to celebrate our faith— and the true meaning of our most treasured and joyous holidays— in the public square.”

There you go folks, that is the agenda the Christofascists are trying to protect – baby Jesus in the town square! That is the take away from today’s sermon! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]The Alt Right
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Hey everybody, want to play a game of “The Biggest Loser”? Well there’s only one loser this week and it’s the Alt Right. Catfishing. When big fat guys live out their fantasies online as hot women. I’m not saying all big fat guys do this, but conservatives do have weird fantasies and fetishes. So here’s what happened – Sam Seder of MSNBC was duped by some high ranking Alt Right people (*COUGH* Cernovich*) into making some horrible rape jokes on Twitter and got called out for it.

In the good old days of 2009, when public figures felt (slightly) less shame about warmly embracing sexual predators, a number of filmmakers and celebrities came forth to say that Roman Polanski deserved lenience in part because of his artistic contributions. Apparently revolted by this obscene logic, the comedian and radio host Sam Seder tweeted, “Don’t care re Polanski, but I hope if my daughter is ever raped it is by an older truly talented man w/a great sense of mise en scene.” Cut to 2017: MSNBC just announced that it was severing its relationship with Seder, a network contributor, because a number of extreme right-wingers (including the ubiquitous troll Mike Cernovich) had attacked him for the tweet, which they disingenuously said was a defense of horrific behavior against women.

Dude, really? It’s 2017 – the year of sexual harassment. The year of #MeToo. The year that Time Magazine put “The Silence Breakers” on the cover. Oh and yeah it’s pretty obvious that Trump troll and certified rape enthusiast Mike Cernovich was the one behind this nonsense!

How a tweet from 2009 created a 2017 controversy

Sam Seder is a liberal political commentator who hosts the Majority Report podcast. An iteration of the show began on the liberal radio network Air America, where he co-hosted with Janeane Garofalo; it now operates as a daily political podcast. He’s got acting, writing, and directing credits to his name, in addition to working as a commentator for MSNBC. Seder told the Post that he’s appeared on the network for at least a decade, and became a paid commentator within the past few years.

In 2009, Seder posted this tweet: “Dont care re Polanski, but i hope if my daughter is ever raped it is by an older truly talented man w/ a great sense of mise en scene.”


Seder told the Post that after Cernovich started circulating the tweet, Errol Cockfield, senior vice president of communications at MSNBC, contacted him and asked about Cernovich. Seder got a message the next day saying the network was cutting ties.

Oh come on you know it’s pretty bad when Sly does it! But you know how the Alt Right are the biggest losers in this whole equation? That’s right – MSNBC hired back Mr. Seder after finding out that they were wrong about this one!

MSNBC pulled an abrupt about-face on Thursday, announcing that it had rehired a contributor just days after it fired him when far-right activists drew attention to an inflammatory tweet he posted in 2009.

“Sometimes you just get one wrong — and that’s what happened here,” Phil Griffin, the cable network’s president said in a statement on Thursday announcing that the cable network had rehired Sam Seder, a political commentator and host of the “Majority Report” podcast.

The episode began late last month when Mike Cernovich, the far-right activist, resurfaced a tweet sent by Mr. Seder in 2009 that was meant to mock supporters of the film director Roman Polanski.

Mr. Seder’s tweet, which has since been deleted, was posted shortly after Mr. Polanski, who pleaded guilty in 1977 to unlawful sexual intercourse with a 13-year-old, was arrested in Switzerland in 2009 in connection with that crime.

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[font size="8"]Alex Jones
[br] [/font]

Ah man just once I was hoping I wasn’t going to have to talk about Infowars. Fine. make me. But I don’t want to! So the batshit crazy supplement salesman who calls himself a journalist has been completely unhinged the last week or so. And that’s coming from a guy who last week said that lesbians are brain eating dominatrixes. So if that’s rock bottom, I can only imagine that it’s going to go up from there, am I right about that? Well…

Alex Jones claimed today that LGBTQ activists and educators are now teaching children that it is bigoted to not let someone have sex with their cars.

Today on “The Alex Jones Show,” Jones attempted to unmask a supposed hidden LGBTQ agenda to push a new industry of lifelike robotic sex dolls, which he described as “basically blowup dolls that have like an ‘Alexa’ bot program hooked into the central network of the people that produce these.” Jones claimed that tech companies are promoting the robots as “trendy and brave” and that LGBTQ activists are expanding the terminology they use to educate children to include people who have sex with robots.

“They’re now saying sex with machines or sex with cars or sex with appliances—there’s a whole big movement where people are marrying their cars, marrying their toasters, marrying their dogs, their cats, their horses. I’m not kidding,” Jones said.

Jones continued, “They’re catching people in public places—you see it all the time—trying to have sex with a Ferrari or trying to have sex with a ’57 Chevy. And they actually—I’m not going to get into the details of what they do, but they lube up the tailpipe and everything and then the police come up and there’s a guy hunching your car.”

Really Alex? Is that why people get so turned on at car shows? Cause you know when people see those chrome polished exhaust pipes, you know some shit is about to go down! And by the way Alex, even Futurama knows the dangers of dating robots!

You heard the man! Don’t date robots! Don’t do it! Alex really must be smoking some good Covfefe lately, or ingesting too many products from the Infowars Store! But this isn’t the craziest thing he’s said this week and that’s saying a lot! There’s also this.

Alex Jones, the nutritional supplement salesman who created Infowars, compared the hosts of MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” to demonic aliens in the Netflix series “Stranger Things” and performed a demonic impression of co-host Mika Brzezinski.

Today, Jones said that co-hosts Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough were “parasites” who “will be removed” once Jones and his followers save America from the globalists.

“They’re both like horrible foot-long tapeworms, man. I’m telling you. Tapeworms that we vomited out and crapped out and they’re just trying to force-feed themselves back into our lives. They’re like gonorrhea or syphilis, I mean they are just—they’re like HIV. They’re like cancer. They are just—I mean you have to understand, folks, they literally want to destroy you,” Jones said. ”God, they’re evil. Do you realize how evil these people are?”

He then homed in on Brzezinski, claiming that people who have been at dinner parties with the duo have told him “she is just so evil and so into herself like her evil father that she just sits there and goes—“

Ah remember the God Warrior? Those were good times! Maybe she can find a spirit animal in Alex Jones. Because the two of them really are obsessed with demons aren’t they? But have no fear! You know what the key to defeating the evil globalist agenda is? That’s right – Jesus!!!

Alex Jones, the conspiracy theorist and supplement salesperson who heads Infowars, told listeners today they can look to Jesus Christ and Lazarus for inspiration fighting the supposed globalist liberal elites that want to destroy them, claiming that those who are defeated in the battle will see their spirits ascend to a higher power.

During his broadcast today, Jones claimed that the latest round of sexual assault allegations purging powerful men from their positions in media was proof the “house of cards” concealing the unlawful behavior of liberal elites was crumbling down. Jones warned that he and some of his supporters may suffer collateral damage to their own livelihoods, but urged viewers to look to Jesus Christ for inspiration.

“Of course, as allegories and clichés tend to be true, metaphysically you tend to fall with your great nemesis. But through the fall, you ascend. Evil falls and is destroyed when it hits the bottom. When we fall, we rise even stronger,” Jones said.

Oh come on, we just did Holy Shit! But yeah really… holy shit! But you know when you get a bunch of frothing at the mouth insane conspiracy theorists in a room, you know, they’re going to conspiracy theory!

Breitbart editor Aaron Klein teamed up with Alex Jones, the conspiracy theorist supplement salesman who heads Infowars, to further the site’s larger campaign to discredit and smear the women who have claimed that Alabama Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore sexually assaulted them when they were teenagers and he was in his 30s.

Klein appeared on Infowars today to defend Moore against claims that he sexually assaulted teenage girls by claiming that the women who have come forward have credibility issues and that one was deemed “psychiatrically unstable.” Klein said the mainstream media committed “journalistic malpractice” by not reporting on what he believed to be “bombshells” that question the credibility of the women making the accusations.

Klein repeated to Jones many of the same claims he made last week on a special edition of “Breitbart News Tonight” with Steve Bannon. Klein claimed that the “D.A.” initials following a yearbook signature put forward as evidence for one accusation against Moore indicates that the note may be a forgery and that the woman’s ex-boyfriend “says she’s a liar” and her son “says she’s a liar.” The woman, Beverly Young Nelson, has since said that she added the “D.A.” as an annotation to Moore’s inscription, which Breitbart bizarrely claimed is evidence that the whole thing was “forged.”

I like that one! And by the way another thing Trump did while you weren’t looking is that he decided that we need private intelligence services. You kind of like Kingsman, except even more fucked up. And do you really want this guy deciding who is a threat to Trump? I know I don’t! I mean making fun of him is half our show, damn it!

ALEX JONES (HOST): I had the Secret Service call me yesterday, and it wasn’t a secret meeting, but they want to come here and -- it’s total twilight zone -- and want me to brief them on all the data we’ve collated on whose setting up a plan to kill the president. And so I’m going to develop that plan; and video clips, articles, all of it. And I’m also going to present the plan here. Secret Service didn’t care if I kept it secret. They said that’s fine. They were directed by the Secret Service in D.C. to make contact and they want to see our analysis of this. Well, I mean Phil Mudd’s on TV saying they’re going to kill the president and he’s the former deputy director of the CIA and you’ve got [James] Clapper, the former head of the CIA, and Brennan saying Trump will be gone this year extrajudicially. And the Secret Service guy’s like, “No, we know about that. Yes, yes. Well do you know about a specific how they are going to do it?” And I said, “No, but we should meet about it.” So that’s how crazy all of this has gotten.

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[font size="8"]The Rise & Fall Of Keaton Jones
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Look, I get it. It sucks to be bullied. I was a victim. I’m sure there’s other victims out there. But really, the anti bullying movement died this week. I don’t even want to talk about this story really. Fuck this story and everyone in it. So not even a span of 12 hours we were introduced to Keaton Jones from Knoxville, Tennessee. *DISCLAIMER*: And before we get into this, I assure everybody that we are not making fun of the kid. We are making fun of his extremely horrible mother for doing this. Please note – we are not making fun of any people involved here, we are only making fun of the news. we are also not excusing the bullying – it is not OK in any way, shape or form. So here’s what happened.

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — Keaton Jones has a lot of new friends.

Among them: UFC President Dana White, Captain America actor Chris Evans, Dr. Phil, Millie Bobby Brown aka "Eleven" from Stranger Things, Fox News host Sean Hannity, rapper Snoop Dogg, a slew of professional athletes in various sports, and countless people on the Internet, apparently.

Keaton, a student at Horace Maynard Middle School in Maynardville in Union County, Tenn., sparked a national conversation about bullying after a video of him went viral over the weekend.

Keaton's mother, Kimberly Jones, filmed him crying in the passenger seat of a vehicle after she said she picked him up from school "AGAIN" because he was afraid to go to lunch. "Keaton asked to do this," Jones wrote in a Facebook post.

Yeah so we’re going to use Nelson clips during this entry. I mean it sucks for people who are real victims of bullying but it sounds like the real bully is the one who poor Keaton calls “mom”.

MAYNARDVILLE, Tenn. — A middle school student's video about being bullied in the lunchroom went viral over the weekend, leading to dozens of stories in national and international media outlets and calls for Union County Public Schools to do more to address bullying.

"I'm surprised this hasn't happened before now, because I know several parents that have gone to the school with the same problem, and not just the middle school, but all the schools," said Amanda Hensley, a parent with two students in the school district who said she is a neighbor of Horace Maynard Middle School student Keaton Jones.

"I know several people who have gone over there and it's the same old story," Hensley said. "Somebody's going to end up getting hurt if they don't get it under control."

Jones' video, in which he describes having milk poured on him and ham put down his clothes at lunch, was posted by his mother Kimberly Jones, on her Facebook page Friday.

But really, Chris Evans, are you still onboard with this kid? Have you read the news? I think even Captain America might be disappointed here!

Since then, the video has gone viral – within 24 hours the post had been viewed more than 10 million times and is closing in on 20 million.

Many celebrities have reached out to the young man too…

“Little buddy,” wrote Mark Ruffalo, “I was bullied when I was a kid. You are right #ItGetsBetter! You are my own personal super hero. Protect Yo Heart. You got a pal in the Hulk.”

Chris Evans, on the other hand, just invited Keaton to next year’s Los Angeles premiere of Avengers: Infinity War. “Stay strong, Keaton,” tweeted Chris Evans. “Don’t let them make you turn cold. I promise it gets better. While those punks at your school are deciding what kind of people they want to be in this world, how would you and your mom like to come to the Avengers premiere in LA next year?

Yeah so I think even the Cap would have a problem with the evidence being presented here. Oh and you know the real reason behind this whole thing? Oh his mom says those photos are “supposed to be ironic”. Because ha ha ha ha ha… hatred is so funny!

Kim Jones, the mother of Keaton Jones, appeared Tuesday on ABC News’ Good Morning America and CBS This Morning, to respond to the controversy sparked after social media revealed photos of Jones, and her children, including Keaton, posing with Confederate flags.

“The only two photos on my entire planet that I am anywhere near a Confederate flag,” she insisted in an interview on CBS This Morning, calling it “ironic” and “funny.”

Asked if the photos showed “racist intent” she responded, “No. Absolutely not,” and insisted she too has been “bullied and judged” because she ”wasn’t racist.”

“I feel like anybody who wants to take the time to ask anybody who I am or even troll through some other pictures, I mean I feel like we’re not racist,” Jones told ABC News. “I mean, people that know us, know that.”

By the way, in case you’re wondering, Go Fund Me ceased the account that was set up has subsequently been frozen. So yeah this is not going to end well and we will keep an eye on it.

Keaton, who has gained the support of Justin Bieber, Katy Perry and other prominent individuals, also says in one bullying incident he had milk poured on him and ham put down his shirt.

But the GoFundMe page - which has amassed $57,000 in donations - has now been put on hold.

Joseph Lam, who set up the page, was insistent his reasoning for doing so was wholly unrelated to the accusations of racism Keaton’s mother Ms Jones has received.

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[font size="8"]Alt Right Gift Guide
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It’s now time for:

And man do I need a drink. We’re almost done for this season can you believe it everybody! So what can I get to drink around here? I know! It’s the holiday season, how about a nice glass of Egg Nog – and don’t skimp on the brandy! Yeah that’s good shit right there! Well we’re going to do something unprecedented and combine two things – “I Need A Drink” and the Top 10 Home Shopping Network. I mean what better way to express your feelings for your friends and family than with some gifts for every Trump fan on your list!

Hello shoppers and welcome to the Top 10 Home Shopping Network! We are in the holiday spirit here at TTHSN! For starters you know we have to say Merry Christmas around here because that’s what our grand exalted leader Premier Trump would want!

President Trump reignited the "war on Christmas” on Friday, telling a crowd of supporters that "we're saying merry Christmas again" now that he's president.

Speaking to a packed crowd at the Values Voter Summit in Washington, D.C., Trump argued political correctness has gotten in the way of celebrating the holiday.

“We’re getting near that beautiful Christmas season that people don’t talk about anymore. They don’t use the word Christmas because it’s not politically correct," he said to strong applause and cheers from the audience at the Christian public policy conference, sponsored by the Family Research Council.

“You go to department stores and they’ll say 'Happy New Year,' or they’ll say other things and it’ll be red, they’ll have it painted. But they don’t say — well guess what? We’re saying merry Christmas again.”

Yes because apparently only snowflake liberals who need safe spaces are the ones who want us to say “Happy Holidays” and are removing all instances of the Baby Jesus from the town square! So what do you get the Trump worshipping fans on your Christmas list? How about this beautiful MAGA ornament?

‘Tis the season to mock President Trump on all possible platforms.

While much of the #resistance can be found trolling Trump on Twitter, it looks like the movement is now making waves on Amazon as well.

“Shoppers” have unleashed scathing reviews on a pricy Make America Great Again Christmas tree ornament being sold by several retailers on Amazon’s website.

The 14 karat gold-finished collectable ornament of Trump’s signature MAGA red cap — the pricing for which starts at $94.28 — has 141 customer reviews and only 2 stars, with users leaving tongue-in-cheek comments criticizing the president’s controversial policies and statements.

Yes Mr. Trump – your ornament apparently tried to build a wall around my ornaments! But now we’re going to dig a bit deeper into the MAGA gift giving occasion. Because… MAGA! How about this Trump themed bottle of wine for the wine enthusiast on your list?

Gift shops at the Shenandoah National Park were selling Trump Wine, E&E News reported on Tuesday.

"If this is the level of Trumpism at national parks, what other policy issues have that level of Trumpism?" Bill Snape, senior counsel at the Center for Biological Diversity, told E&E. "It just raises a number of disturbing and intriguing conflict-of-interest issues."

However, the National Parks Service provided a reasonable explanation for the wine.

A spokesperson told Business Insider that the wine in question was not sold by Shenandoah National Park, but instead by the park's concessioner, Delaware North Corporation.

"The concessioner has been selling wine from the distributor of this particular winery in Virginia for years," a spokesperson said in an email.

Or maybe you’re not experiencing the Christmas spirit enough! After all, it is Jesus’ birthday! Why not celebrate your love of the Baby Jesus with this Christmas themed MAGA hat which you can get for – wait for it – double the price!

Jesus, as they say, is the reason for the season. Which is why some people are puzzled by a Christmas-themed MAGA hat being sold by President Donald Trump. For the Trump supporter-slash-Christmas warrior in your life, you can buy a Christmas-themed "Make America Great Again" hat just in time for Dec. 25. Decked with colored lights and an all-caps "Merry Christmas" on the back, the hat costs $45 — almost double the price of regular MAGA hats, which sell for $25.

Part of Trump's online store, the Christmas-themed MAGA hat is one of several seasonal gifts available for purchase. The Trump store is also selling a $45 collective MAGA hat ornament, which is "finished in 24-karat gold." Similarly, the Trump store offered a $45 Jack-o-Lantern themed MAGA hat for Halloween, which was roasted for the eerie similarity to Trump's orange visage, but has, according to the store, sold out.

That is right, Mr. President! You can celebrate your MAGA pride with MAGA themed hats for all different holidays year around! Because… MAGA! How about some gifts for the conspiracy lover in your life?

2017 was the year of the “red pill,” a term used first used online by men’s rights activists that alludes to a scene in the sci-fi movie “The Matrix” where the protagonist must decide between taking a “blue pill” that will allow him to continue living in blissful ignorance or a “red pill” that will awaken him to the bitter realities of the world. Online, recruits to the alt-right swallow metaphorical “red pills” when they finally internalize an alternate reality where Jewish people operate conspiracies to control humanity, white people are victims of modern racism, and immigration is destroying Western culture. Infowars architect Alex Jones recently co-opted the phrase to sell a heart-healthy supplement that promises to promote “healthy aging and cognitive function,” which should help combat the constant stress the conspiracy-minded among us must be under.

Yes – all of these items are on a first come first served basis. Made in China with pride! Please call our hotline and we will take any and all credit cards and gift cards. You heard me! Call 1-800-FUT-RUMP! I love that number! And just remember you can get gifts for anyone on your list – even those ultra paranoid end times lovers!

This year we saw the desperate and shameless extremes that End Times pastor Jim Bakker will go to sell his food buckets, which now have a full-time home on a private shopping network resembling QVC. Give a loved one the gift of more than 19 years of emergency food to help them ride out the impending End of Days, while providing them a viable alternative to cannibalism and protecting them from the wrath of God. The buckets come with 14 Christmas ornaments, which to our knowledge are not edible.

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[font size="8"]World Tour Destination #26: Cuba
[br] [/font]

Part of our mission statement here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots is to show you that conservative idiocy isn’t just a problem with America. No, it’s a global problem that is stemming far and wide, and it’s not just America where conservative idiots ruin everything they touch. And if you’re thinking of moving out of the United States just because Donald J. Trump is our current president and our nation is turning to shit, you should know what it is you’re getting into should you decide that you want to leave the country. So if you want a recap of where we’ve been so far, in the last few weeks we’ve discovered that Australia is a few steps away from nationalizing gay marriage, Saudi Arabia has begun a real-life purge, and Canada is well… Canada. Here’s the tour schedule:

[font size="6"]Cuba[/font]

Welcome to Havana everybody! Excuse me while I enjoy this nice Cuban sandwich with ham, pork, cheese and mustard. Now that is good eating! Cuba is one of the most beautiful and intriguing countries in the world. Of course everyone associates it with murderous dictator Fidel Castro. Cuba consists of the main island of the country and some much smaller islands. It’s where the corner of three different oceans – the Atlantic Ocean, the Gulf Of Mexico, and the Carribean Sea. Cuba is also the home of Salsa Music, and its’ sister – reggaetón!

Yes that style of music originated in Cuba! So we are going to be honoring it by sprinkling our favorite reggaetón horn throughout this piece! However, while Obama made it easier to travel to Cuba, it’s not exactly an ideal place to move to at the moment. Because of the trade embargo – which we will get to in a minute. Another thing about Cuba is cars. You may have seen movies like the Fate Of The Furious where people in Cuba are driving cars not seen since the 1950s and 60s. And this is true – most of the cars that are available in Havana are cars like the Bel Air and original Corvettes and Mustangs. But what else is Cuba the home of? Well there’s a lot of travel restrictions in Cuba for one thing, thanks Trump!

Travel to the Cuba of old (before 2014) was expensive and difficult for Americans traveling independently because they were required to apply for a license in one of a dozen or so categories.

Individuals could travel to the island nation, but a group tour operated by travel and Cuba pros was better because they knew the rules and probably were not going to run afoul of them.

Many of those group trips were in a “people-to-people” category in which there were learning experiences each day.

In December 2014 President Obama eased restrictions on travel to Cuba. A physical license was no longer needed, but travelers had to meet conditions (a license, as it were). The trip had to be, say, for a humanitarian project or educational purposes or must provide “support for the Cuban people.” It couldn’t involve beach time designed to improve your tan.

Excuse me a minute… But supposedly there’s been an attack on American diplomats living in the tropical paradise. But was it the work of a ruthless dictator?

(WASHINGTON) — Doctors treating the U.S. Embassy victims of mysterious, invisible attacks in Cuba have discovered brain abnormalities as they search for clues to explain the hearing, vision, balance and memory damage, The Associated Press has learned.

It’s the most specific finding to date about physical damage, showing that whatever it was that harmed the Americans, it led to perceptible changes in their brains. The finding is also one of several factors fueling growing skepticism that some kind of sonic weapon was involved.

Medical testing has revealed the embassy workers developed changes to the white matter tracts that let different parts of the brain communicate, several U.S. officials said, describing a growing consensus held by university and government physicians researching the attacks. White matter acts like information highways between brain cells.

No it wasn’t the work of a ruthless dictator. No attacks. Nothing. Instead you know what it was? Apparently our diplomats are just being worked to death!

HAVANA—After a 9-month probe hampered by lack of access to medical records, a panel of Cuban scientists today declared that U.S. diplomats here likely suffered a “collective psychogenic disorder” earlier this year, not the deliberate “health attack” that the U.S. Department of State has claimed.

Based on media reports about the mysterious symptoms, including hearing loss, nausea, vertigo, and memory lapses, some U.S. scientists had already reached similar conclusions. Stanley Fahn, a neurologist at Columbia University who has seen a summary of the Cuban report, agrees that “it could certainly all be psychogenic.” That a panel appointed by the Cuban government dismisses the U.S. claims may not be surprising, and the Federal Bureau of Investigation is still leading what State Department officials have described as a “vigorous” multiagency investigation. But the Cuban report summary, obtained by ScienceInsider, reveals intriguing details. For instance, a high-frequency noise that some had identified as a possible “sonic weapon” may have been crickets chirping.

The State Department declined to comment on the Cuban findings. “We continue to cooperate with the Cubans in this regard within appropriate channels,” a spokesperson told ScienceInsider. At present, the spokesperson said, “We do not have definitive answers on the source or cause of the attacks.”

And by the way there was speculation that… *cue the horror music* the members of the state department were poisoned!

On Sept. 29, the State Department recalled 21 employees of the American Embassy in Havana, Cuba. The group (along with three Canadians) were all suffering from an odd combination of symptoms: “hearing loss, dizziness, headache, fatigue, cognitive issues, and difficulty sleeping,” Secretary of State Rex Tillerson ticked off in an official statement.

On Wednesday, an upcoming report to be published in the Journal of the American Medical Association by doctors at the University of Miami, the University of Pennsylvania, and government medical experts was reported by the AP to include evidence that the 24 victims showed clear patterns of brain abnormalities.

(The Daily Beast reached out to doctors at the University of Miami’s otolaryngology department and University of Pennsylvania’s otorhinolaryngology department—the medical divisions most likely to be considering the effects of ear and brain abnormalities—for comment. The University of Miami did not return calls; a doctor at the University of Pennsylvania refused to comment.)

The symptoms were clear. The reason, though? Not so much.

That doesn’t mean people haven’t tried. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson said he’s “convinced these were targeted attacks,” but Cuba has contradicted any reports of its involvement. An alleged sonic attack on the American Embassy in Uzbekistan also raised suspicion that Russia has some involvement in the Cuban mystery. The phrase “sonic attack” caught on quickly after employees reported having heard a constant high-pitched, tinny hum emanating from certain corners of the embassy that would become inaudible if a person moved just a few feet away.

Uh no, that’s not what a “sonic attack” is. Oh and then by the way of course you know Mr. Art Of The Deal himself had that huge trip to Asia a couple of weeks ago, but when China wins you know who loses? That’s right!

On Wednesday, November 8, just as President Trump was clinching new business deals with the repressive Communist government of China, the Trump administration announced its new rules rolling back President Obama’s opening with Cuba. The new regulations restricting travel and trade with the Caribbean island will make it once again illegal for Americans to travel to Cuba without a special license from the Treasury Department and will dramatically reduce the number of Americans traveling there.

The regulations, which include a list of 180 banned entities, are supposed to punish hotels, stores and other businesses tied to the Cuban military and instead direct economic activity toward businesses controlled by regular Cuban citizens. But during our visit to the island on a 40-person delegation organized by the peace group CODEPINK, we found that Cuba’s small private businesses, the very sector that the

Trump administration wants to encourage, are already feeling the blow.

In 2014 President Obama announced a new opening with Cuba. While the U.S. sanctions imposed on the island following the 1959 revolution can only be lifted by Congress, Obama used his executive power to renew diplomatic relations and relax restrictions on travel and trade. Cuba, which already has a large tourist sector with guests from Europe and Canada, geared up for a “tsunami” of American visitors coming on newly authorized commercial flights and cruise ships.

At least Cuba doesn’t have *THAT* guy as their president. And guess what? While there were some major strides made during the Obama administration that brought Cuba into the spotlight and made it somewhat safe to travel there again, Trump is going to roll it all back because… reasons!

A little more than a year ago, Cubans were exulting in the normalization of relations between their country and the United States after decades of trade and travel barriers. But on a recent trip to Havana, I found Cubans dismayed by President Trump’s reversal of the détente started by his predecessor, Barack Obama.

Mr. Trump had appealed to older Cuban-Americans by taking a tough stance against the Castro regime on the campaign trail, and they helped him carry the Florida in the 2016 election. In August, reports surfaced of American and Canadian diplomats in Havana experiencing mysterious ailments that resulted in hearing losses and cognitive problems. The illnesses, which the United States government has suggested were caused by a “sonic weapon,” appear to have given Mr. Trump the pretext to fulfill his campaign promise and take a harder line on Cuba.

The result is a return to a Cold War mentality and a set of failed policies that will do little to improve human rights in Cuba or to hasten the end of the Castro regime. The embargo imposed by the United States for more than 55 years only strengthened Cuba’s authoritarian government by restricting people’s access to opportunities to better their lives. With a return to Cold War-era policies, it is the Cuban people — not their government — who will suffer.

[font size="6"]The Verdict & Scorecard[/font]

It may be safer to travel to Cuba now that Obama laxed some of the restrictions but Trump is rolling back all of that and is about to make it more difficult. Travel while you can, but don’t move there. It gets high marks on liberal appeal though.

Tourism: C-
Culture: A
Political Spectrum: D+
Liberal Appeal: B

Overall: C-

[font size="6"]Next Week[/font]

It’s the grand finale of the first leg of our 2017 World Tour as save our presidents’ favorite country for last – we are heading south of the border to Mexico!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, we already had one half of Oasis – Liam Gallagher on the Top 10 two weeks ago, now we got the other half of Oasis! Playing his song “Holy Mountain” from his album “Who Built The Moon” – give it up for Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds!

Yeah how about that?

See you next week! If we still live through this week that is!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: City National Grove Of Anaheim, Anaheim, CA
Special Thanks To: City National Grove Management
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
Graphics: Top 10 Graphics Department
Research: Top 10 Research Department
Lighting & Stage Props: Top 10 Lighting Department
Legal: Top 10 Legal Department
Advertising: Top 10 Advertising Department
HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Cuba Hosting: Havana Productions, Havana
Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds Appear Courtesy Of: Universal Music Group
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo
December 6, 2017

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-25: Americas Next Top Fake News Network Edition (2-Year Anniversary!)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-25: America’s Next Top Fake News Network Edition (2-Year Anniversary!!!)

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Happy second anniversary of the Top 10 everybody! I can’t believe it’s been 2 years since I started doing this thing! Whew!!!! Now the Top 10 originally started because I had a lot of free time, a lot of downtime and there was way too much news happening, and I wanted to bring it back from the dead. And you know what? I will keep doing these until the powers that be say no, or we lose in the ratings, or something else. But we do these because I love my audience and I have fun doing these, and I love making jokes at the expense of our conservative overlords. And we’ve had a lot of good material over the last two years. But when we first started doing these who would have guessed that we would have been stuck with the president and administration we have now? Or what a clusterfuck it was from the beginning and it will continue to be so? Well, you know CBS president Les Moonves said that Trump wasn’t good for America but he was good for ratings. And let me add, sir, that the one thing Trump is great for is comedy. But moving on ahead, we are renewing the Top 10 for seasons 4 and 5 next year. As usual, season 4 will last from January 10th through June 27th, where we will bring back the second round of our World Tour, and then we will bring back our Stupidest State contest which I am really looking forward to. As for what happens after that? Well there’s tons of possibilities, and no end to conservative madness. Plus we might do another lecture series about getting to know your Alt Right. And I still am looking at the possibilities of starting a Top 10 podcast and reviving the Top 10 twitter feed – both things of which we will do for season 4 and 5 in the year 2018. Well that’s enough of the intro. We have a lot of idiocy to get to this week. But first – we have to play Jimmy Kimmel’s brilliant monologue which he trolls Roy Moore good:

So where do we begin this week? Taking the first slot this week is Donald Trump (1) because why wouldn’t he? Because his buddy Michael Flynn is in some seriously deep shit and we will tell you all about it. In the second slot is also Donald Trump (2). Because while he scored a victory this week when SCOTUS upheld his horrible travel ban (ugh), the racists scored a victory when he tweeted out some extremely controversial videos from a group called Britain First. In the third slot is also Donald Trump (3) and we are going to tell you about Trump’s insane diet which was recently exposed in a new tell all book by a couple of his former aides. And we take on the Trump challenge! The lengths I will go to entertain you folks! In the fourth slot is Fox News (4) and we’re going to play a game called “America’s Next Top Fake News Network”. Guess which one it really is? At number 5 is the Alt Right – they’ve basically created their own Alt Internet and Alt Reality at this point and we’re going to tell you about it. Taking the sixth slot is our weekly sermon on all things holy, with Holy Shit (6). This time around we’re going to tell you about the far reaching implications in the case of Mullins V Phillips. Yes – it’s the gay wedding cake case and it is insane. In the number 7 slot is Alex Jones (7) – and he might have been Taking the 8th slot is GOP Moral Crusaders (8) who are defending Roy Moore while telling poor people to go fuck themselves, while telling anyone who wants a cake for their wedding, screw you! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot it’s a new installment of “People Are Dumb” (9) because, well you should know by now that people are dumb. Finally this week its’ more of the Top 10 World Tour (10). And man it’s good to be back in North America for the final rounds of the first leg of our World Tour isn’t it? And this week, we’re going to one of the world’s largest countries, and guess what? It’s right above us! I’m of course talking about the land of hockey, poutine as we visit the Great White North known as Canada! Plus we have some live music for you from Toronto’s own Death From Above 1979! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

Hey everyone I’m now in the holiday spirit and I hope you are too! Come on sing it with me! It’s beginning to look a lot like collusion… everywhere you go! And I forget how the rest of the song goes. I mean really it’s been completely insane. But I mean you know I was right when I predicted Trump would be going full Howard Hughes by the end of his first year but man I had no idea that he’d be spiraling out of control at this rate!

Although no moment would have been opportune for Michael Flynn, Donald Trump’s former national security adviser, to plead guilty to lying to the F.B.I. and agree to cooperate with special counsel Robert Mueller, last week was a particularly bad time for the news to come to light. Flynn’s plea deal happened to top off a week in which the president seemed to become increasingly belligerent, repeating outright lies to his inner circle, and reportedly convincing himself that he is immune to backlash, either political or legal.

It was perhaps the sense that he could “operate with impunity” that motivated Trump’s delayed response to Flynn’s indictment on Saturday, when he tweeted what seemed like a damning confession—an impression his lawyers quickly moved to quash, with John Dowd taking responsibility for the tweet’s contents. Whether Dowd sent the tweet or not, however, was only the public manifestation of the crippling paranoia that is reportedly setting in behind the scenes at the White House, as well as the growing sense that Trump is spiraling out of control.

Politico reported on Sunday that staffers are increasingly unable to limit Trump’s ability to consume information—it is near impossible, one said, to prevent him from watching television—and Trump’s allies worry that White House lawyer Ty Cobb’s repeated promise that the probe will be over soon is “divorced from reality.” “There’s no quarterback. . . . They’re literally making it up as they go along,” a person close to the White House told Politico, describing the lack of any containment strategy. “We’re in very dangerous territory.”

But here’s the sad reality – you can call out Trump for this bullshit, but as long as the GOP are running the shots, they simply, flat out don’t care. But Trump is so desperate to keep holding on to his power that he’s now attacking our government agencies!

Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into Russian meddling in the U.S. election is entering a new phase, with a newly cooperating star witness and hints that he may be pursuing a more serious case against President Donald Trump.

Trump’s former national security adviser, Michael Flynn, pleaded guilty Friday to lying to FBI agents, becoming the fourth associate of the president ensnared by Mueller’s probe. More significantly, he also is providing details to Mueller about the Trump campaign’s approach to Flynn’s controversial meeting with a Russian envoy during the presidential transition.

While Trump and his lawyers say Flynn doesn’t have any information or evidence damaging to the president, prosecutions are wildly unpredictable and the deal Flynn cut with Mueller is "clearly significant," said Jack Sharman, who served as special counsel to a congressional probe of President Bill Clinton in 1995.

Holy fucking shit! This thing gets weirder and stranger. Like I said But really he is extremely confident Mueller will be done by the end of the year – really - a year long investigation wrapping up in a nice, neat package? Sounds very sitcom-esque!

President Trump has told friends in recent days that he’s confident special counsel Robert Mueller’s probe into possible collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia will be done by the end of the year, The Washington Post reported Tuesday.

“This investigation’s going to be over with pretty soon,” Trump told friends at his Mar-a-Lago estate and golf club in Florida, according to the newspaper.

Mueller was appointed special counsel in May to investigate possible collusion between Trump’s campaign and Russia.

By the way – Trump is so insane that he is now throwing his own people under the bus! I mean you know he tweeted this about Michael Flynn over the weekend - which practically broke Twitter:

Washington (CNN)President Donald Trump's personal lawyer, John Dowd, told CNN on Sunday that he wrote a tweet for the @realDonaldTrump Twitter account about the firing of former White House national security adviser Michael Flynn.
"I had to fire General Flynn because he lied to the Vice President and the FBI," the Saturday tweet reads. "He has pled guilty to those lies. It is a shame because his actions during the transition were lawful. There was nothing to hide!"
Dowd said he drafted the tweet and believes White House social media director Dan Scavino posted it online. He declined to answer additional questions about whether Trump reviewed the tweet before it was posted.
"Enough already," he said in an email. "I don't feed the haters."

YES YOU DID ASSHOLE!!!! YOU LITERALLY JUST FED THE HATERS!!!! I mean oh my god how fucking stupid can you get? Well, this is the Trump administration we are talking about here!

Washington (CNN)President Donald Trump said Monday he feels "very badly" for Michael Flynn after the former national security adviser pleaded guilty last week to lying to the FBI about conversations with Russia's ambassador.
"I feel badly for General Flynn. I feel very badly. He's led a very strong life, and I feel very badly," Trump told reporters Monday before boarding Marine One at the White House.
Trump, in his first public comments on the matter, also echoed tweets he posted over the weekend in which he compared Flynn's situation to the investigation into Hillary Clinton's use of a private email server. He suggested Monday that Clinton had also lied to investigators and decried the situation as unfair.

This is seriously one of those times where you need Walter Sobchak screaming at Trump going “SHUT THE FUCK UP DONNIE!!”. Thank you! But of course he turns this away from him to focus on Hillary Clinton, because reasons.

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump defended Michael Flynn Monday, saying he feels "very badly" for his former national security adviser who pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI about his dealings with Russia.

Trump immediately moved to point a finger at Hillary Clinton, telling reporters — without evidence — that Clinton lied to the FBI about her use of a private email server while leading the State Department.

"Clinton lied many times to the FBI, nothing happened to her. Flynn lied and they destroyed his life. I think it's a shame," Trump said on the White House South Lawn.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

We can all pretty much agree that when the hardcore racists win, everyone else loses, am I right about that? I think my audience would agree with me there! Well, you know this week, Trump may have violated several international peace treaties with a few clicks of the retweet button. We’re not going to show the tweets or the videos because we don’t want to encourage that sort of thing, but here’s what went down.

The White House has claimed that Donald Trump was trying to “elevate the conversation” by sharing anti-Muslim videos from a British far-right group.

But the press secretary, Sarah Sanders, acknowledged that she does not believe the US president was aware of the identity of Jayda Fransen, the deputy leader of Britain First who first posted the films.

Trump sparked international uproar on Wednesday when he retweeted three inflammatory videos purporting to show violence being committed by Muslims. Their authenticity has been strongly challenged.

Really, Sarah? That’s the best you got? He was trying to “elevate the conversation”? If you think about it that’s what we’re trying to do with the Top 10 is “elevate the conversation”, only we have a much smaller audience, damn it!!! But of course the racists are cheering this one!

Islamophobes, white supremacists and other extremists have reacted with glee following Donald Trump’s endorsement of their worldview when he retweeted anti-Muslim videos from a British racist group.

While most media attention has been on the transatlantic spat between the US president and UK prime minister Theresa May over Trump’s posting of three virulent videos on his Twitter feed, behind the scenes a different kind of fallout was unfolding – that could in the long run be even more significant.

Trump’s retweets spawned a rash of Islamophobic comment on social media that is helping to disseminate hate speech and fuel the growing confidence of the far right.

But seriously – with one click of a button, Trump may have jeopardized over 100 years of diplomatic relations between the United States and the United Kingdom. I mean really, this fucking administration. Can we get the adults back in charge? Is that possible?

Violent extremists — including Islamic terrorists — do indeed pose a threat. But demagogues seek to blur the distinction between Islamic extremism and Islam generally, firing up their followers with hatred and an appeal to stereotypes.

That is true in Britain as well as the United States. As the office of British Prime Minister Theresa May said in a statement reacting to Trump’s retweeting of the videos: “Britain First seeks to divide communities by their use of hateful narratives that peddle lies and stoke tensions. They cause anxiety to law-abiding people.”

By retweeting these videos, Trump has put the enormous power of his bully pulpit in service of their cause — sadly, just one of many times he has blithely uttered or repeated things far beneath the dignity of the presidency. On Twitter, Fransen exulted: “Donald Trump himself has retweeted these videos and has around 44 million followers! God bless you Trump! God Bless America!”

Of course it is! But Trump is a loose cannon and he really is playing with fire here. I mean how much worse can it get?

Former CIA Director Leon Panetta sharply criticized President Trump on Thursday, accusing him of "playing with fire" after the president retweeted three anti-Muslim videos from the ultranationalist group Britain First.

Panetta said on CNN's "The Situation Room" that the Trump administration needs to put in place checks in the White House to ensure Trump's tweets don't "jeopardize lives" after he retweeted videos posted by anti-Muslim activist Jayda Fransen, who has in the past been convicted of a hate crime.

"I think the president of the United States is playing with fire," Panetta said.

"This is a dangerous game to play, and the president, frankly, ought to know better," said Panetta, who also served as secretary of Defense under President Obama from 2011 to 2013.

Even Fox News – they’re the network that literally breaks the 4th wall talking to Trump directly – has had enough of his nonsense!

Fox News anchor Chris Wallace pressed national security adviser H.R. McMaster over why President Donald Trump retweeted several tweets posted by a British anti-Muslim group last week.

In an interview on "Fox News Sunday," McMaster shrugged off questions about why the president retweeted three videos posted by Jayda Fransen, the deputy leader of Britain First, a group known for its far-right, anti-Muslim politics.

"President Trump is the best judge of why he did that, but I know it was his intention to highlight the importance creating safe and secure environments for our citizens," McMaster said.

Dude, Trump this is your base here! It hasn’t even been a year and you’re already going full Howard Hughes! I mean how much longer until you start storing your urine and fingernail trimmings? Yeah just picture that image for a minute! But even Theresa May has had enough, and it might jeopardize Trump’s upcoming trip to the UK, and that has never happened before. Let that sink in!

US President Donald Trump was 'wrong' to share anti-Muslim videos posted by a far-right UK group, Downing Street said today.

Furious MPs insisted Mr Trump was 'not welcome here' following the Twitter posts but No 10 said his invite to come to Britain on a state visit still stands.

The storm over the posts - first shared by Britain First's deputy leader - deepened as the widow of murdered MP Jo Cox accused him of 'spreading hatred'.

The furious backlash came after the 71-year-old President retweeted content posted by Britain First's Jayda Fransen.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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You know I originally had an entry where I was going to talk about how pathetic the Trump’s first White House Christmas tree lighting ceremony went, and it went about as well as you could expect. But I didn’t like the entry. Instead – I want to talk about something else – the Trump diet. Everyone knows how much our glorious leader loves him some fast food. He even went out of his way to get the White House to create his favorite sandwich – The Big Mac.

Elton John blares so loudly on Donald Trump’s campaign plane that staffers can’t hear themselves think. Press secretary Hope Hicks uses a steamer to press Trump’s pants — while he is still wearing them. Trump screams at his top aides, who are subjected to ­expletive-filled tirades in which they get their “face ripped off.”

And Trump’s appetite seems to know no bounds when it comes to McDonald’s, with a dinner order consisting of “two Big Macs, two Fillet-O-Fish, and a chocolate malted.”

The scenes are among the most surreal passages in a forthcoming book chronicling Trump’s path to the presidency co-written by Corey Lewandowski, who was fired as Trump’s campaign manager, and David Bossie, another top aide. The book, “Let Trump Be Trump,” paints a portrait of a campaign with an untested candidate and staff rocketing from crisis to crisis, in which Lewandowski and a cast of mostly neophyte political aides learn on the fly and ultimately accept Trump’s propensity to go angrily off message.

So screaming. Check. Insatiable love of junk food? Check. The only thing missing seems to be that he needs the toy from the happy meals. He really is a man child. Seriously – I predicted that he would go full Howard Hughes by the end of his first term. And he might already be there.

Now, in a new book from former Donald Trump associates Corey Lewandowski and David Bossie, Let Trump Be Trump, the two detail the president’s eating habits — which do much to explain both his body type and his explosive temper.

“There were four major food groups: McDonald’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken, pizza, and Diet Coke,” they write.

While on the road, the campaign would often stop at McDonald’s, where Trump would order two Big Macs, two Filet-O-Fish sandwiches, and a chocolate milkshake, which roughly equals a whopping 2,420 calories.

The book also details how campaign staffer Sam Nunberg was purposely left behind at a McDonald’s when his personal order took too long. “Leave him,” Trump said. He was left behind at the counter, waiting for his food.

Yeah Trump’s food pyramid is kind of like the one from Idiocracy. Only replace the Brawndo with Diet Coke. Diet Coke a shitload!!!! Here’s something else that signals that Trump has the diet of a two year old.

The plane’s cupboards were stacked with Vienna Fingers, potato chips, pretzels and many packages of Oreos because Trump, a renowned germaphobe, would not eat from a previously opened package.

Worse still is how central this diet is to letting Trump “be Trump,” to quote the book’s title. Adviser Sam Nunberg got purposely left behind at one McDonald’s because his “special-order burger” was taking too long for the president. “Leave him,” Trump supposedly ordered. “Let’s go.” Lewandowski and Bossie add that orchestrating Trump’s meals was literally “as important as any other aspect of his march to the presidency.” Ensuring that a bag of hot fast food was waiting for Trump on the plane was therefore an all-hands-on-deck situation.

Vienna sausages? Seriously? Dude, I live in California. You know the only thing you’re supposed to do with a can of Vienna sausages? You put them in your disaster preparedness kit and then you never see them ever again! Those things are not meant for human consumption. But here’s the thing – Trump loves fast food for the cleanliness despite that his own restaurant failed to meet health standards (see: Idiots #2-20. But how clean are they?

There is seemingly no end to the list of policies by President Donald Trump that Democrats and Republicans argue about. But one matter that might be indisputable is Trump’s contention that fast food restaurants are cleaner than other establishments.


The company found that fast food restaurants had lower bacteria counts overall, and many times, germs were contained in the bathrooms (a small relief, though you may want to use that toilet seat cover next time). In five-star restaurants, germs were evenly divided between the bathrooms and condiments. The reason, according to the report authors, is the extra layer of dish-washing at nicer restaurants as many casual places utilize disposable utensils.

Bacillus cereus bacteria, which was found to be more prevalent in the five-star establishments, are found in food items and can cause diarrhea, nausea and vomiting. Gram positive cocci, which was found in fast-food restaurants, is responsible for staph infections. So neither strain is exactly pleasant.

Trump's eating habits have garnered lots of attention as the businessman-turned-president is fairly vocal about his intake of fast food, but a new book released Tuesday, Let Trump Be Trump, further details his drive-thru diet. Written by Trump’s former campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, and former deputy campaign manager and transition team director, David Bossie, the book explains how the president sustained himself on junk food during his campaign, reported The Washington Post.

Actually, you’re right on this one, sir. For once. So for those of you keeping score at home, we have Trump – 1, Top 10 – 1,434,313,141,123! Ha!!!! And we haven’t even hit edition #100 yet! But Trump’s diet is not meant for mere mortals!

It's a well-documented fact that Donald Trump loves fast food.

And as attested to in a new book written by two of his former campaign aides, his go-to from McDonald's is quite the tall order.

The president's typical order at the Golden Arches is two Big Macs, two Filet-o-Fish sandwiches, and a large chocolate shake - malted, according to the book. That's a lot of calories for one meal - 2,430 in all.

I'm a big fan of McDonald's myself - my shameless love of the Big Mac is public knowledge. It's my go-to order at McDonald's, no less.

Of course, I only order one, but who's counting? I'm assuming running a global business enterprise takes a lot of energy, never mind leading the free world.

So, I decided to try Trump's beefy and brash lunch choice to truly immerse myself in the down-to-earth culinary tastes of one of the most powerful men in the world.

Thank you Thor! You know - *WE* are going to attempt this feat for superiority. I have in front of me – two Big Macs, two Filet O Fishes, and a large chocolate shake. Oh yeah that’s good shit! *30 minutes later* Excuse me… … I mean couldn’t Trump just go the way of Richmond Valentine from the movie Kingsman?

It's no secret that Donald Trump isn't the healthiest guy out there. But now, thanks to some new insider information, we learned just how far his unhealthy habits reach: Trump's presidential diet resembles that of a 17-year-old stoner.

An upcoming book by ousted campaign manager Corey Lewandowski details Trump's favorite foods, including KFC, pizza, Diet Coke, and of course, McDonald's. His trademark feast at Mickey D's happens to be two Big Macs, a chocolate malt, and two of the perpetually controversial Filet-O-Fish—a sandwich that happens to be Desus Nice's favourite, as well.

"If even someone as bad as Donald Trump can enjoy a Filet-O-Fish, that is the unity we need to bring this nation together," Desus said.

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[font size="8"]Fox News
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Fake News. It was once the favorite staple of college newspapers everywhere. Now it’s gone mainstream thanks to our Fake News President. But anyone remember last week when Trump tweeted out this? I mean you can’t make this shit up. I mean any other time in history – “President Accuses Major News Outlets Of Plagiarism” would be a front page headline. But now there’s so much batshit crazy stuff that it’s been moved to page 37! So let’s throw that tweet up there.


Well, this week, Rasmussen did a study as to who the real fake news outlet out there is that’s been spreading misinformation. And well the results might surprise you!

A plurality of Americans in a new poll think that Fox News deserves the first "Fake News Trophy."

A new poll from the conservative-leaning Rasmussen finds 40 percent of respondents think Fox News should get the Fake News Trophy, which was first suggested by President Trump earlier this week in a tweet.

The second place winner, according to the poll, was CNN, which received 25 percent support.

MSNBC followed CNN with 9 percent, and ABC, CBS and NCB each received less than 5 percent support for the Fake News Trophy.

Views of various networks are split along party lines, the poll finds.

Fifty-three percent of Democrats and 42 percent of voters not affiliated with either major party say Fox News deserves the Fake News Trophy.

There’s always that. But you know this wasn’t the only time Fox has been called out for their bullshit and lies. They’ve been repeatedly called out since the Bush and Obama admins. Particularly there was this one survey from 2012:

Media outlets such as Fox News and MSNBC have a negative impact on people’s current events knowledge while NPR and Sunday morning political talk shows are the most informative sources of news, according to Fairleigh Dickinson University’s newest PublicMind survey.

Researchers asked 1,185 random nationwide respondents what news sources they had consumed in the past week and then asked them questions about events in the U.S. and abroad.

On average, people correctly answered 1.6 of 5 questions about domestic affairs.

Because the aim of the study was toisolate the effects of each type of news source, they then controlled for variables such as other news sources, partisanship, education and other demographic factors.

But you know the orange haired one can’t help himself when it comes to calling out fake news from you know, real, accredited journalists. Hey I know this program might fall under fake news, but hey, we do our research, damn it! I mean what is this, America’s Next Top Fake News Network?

The polling firm President Donald Trump once praised as "one of the most accurate in the 2016 Election" just found that the winner of his proposed "FAKE NEWS TROPHY" is Fox News, according to a survey released Thursday.

That firm, right-leaning Rasmussen, asked 1,000 likely US voters which major network they would choose as winner "if the broadcast media established an annual Fake News Trophy." Respondents were allowed to choose between ABC, CBS, CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, NBC, or another network.

Of those surveyed, 40% said Fox News should be the winner of the first annual "Fake News Trophy." Coming in second place was CNN with 25% support. The network was followed by MSNBC with 9%, ABC with 4%, CBS with 3%, and NBC with 2%. Another 6% said the award should go to another network while 11% were undecided.

The question came after Trump on Monday proposed the competition on Twitter — though he said Fox News should not be included in such a contest.

And Trump should know a thing or two about insulting statements. After all, he hurls them about as much as he gets them! And this is Rasmussen finding this out! This is Trump’s base! But what about those outside of Trump’s base?

More people think Fox News should win an annual “fake news trophy” ahead of any other US broadcaster, a poll has suggested.

The survey was conducted by Rasmussen, a right-leaning polling company, after Donald Trump suggested a prize for the most “dishonest network”.

Taking to Twitter on Monday, the US President said: “We should have a contest as to which of the Networks, plus CNN and not including Fox, is the most dishonest, corrupt and/or distorted in its political coverage of your favorite President (me). They are all bad. Winner to receive the FAKE NEWS TROPHY!”

While a majority of voters agreed with the President that fake news is a serious problem in America, 40 per cent of respondents said Fox News was the worst exponent.

Well yeah obviously! And I love that Trump keeps referring to himself as “Your Favorite President (me)”. I mean first of all – he needed an unnecessary clarifier! I wouldn’t say “Your favorite comedy news show host (me)”. OK I’ll take that one! But you want an example of why Fox News is called the Fake News Network? Look no further than the show that plays Trump like a fiddle!

President Donald Trump may invoke “fake news” to push back on special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into his presidential campaign, but Fox News’ Shepard Smith has cast doubt on that claim.

In a Friday afternoon segment with the Wall Street Journal’s John Bussey, the “Shepard Smith Reporting” host said Michael Flynn’s guilty plea is evidence that it’s “a lie” to suggest the FBI probe is based on made-up information.

Flynn, the president’s former national security adviser, said in a federal court on Friday that he lied to investigators about his contact with Russian government officials. He was charged with just one count, for making a false statement, leading some observers to believe he is cooperating with Mueller’s investigation and has provided other information that could prove damaging to current administration officials.

“What we don’t understand yet is the degree to which the president was involved, if at all,” Smith said before asking his guest, “Is Flynn the answer to that, as their new star witness, at least for the day?”

“We don’t know yet which way this is headed,” Bussey responded.

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[font size="8"]The Alt Right
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If there’s one thing worse than a troll, it’s a troll who smells a business opportunity. So in the last couple of weeks, numerous alt right personalities have been kicked off various social media websites for posting extreme far right memes and hateful images. Yes, this was the right move for a mainstream social media site like Twitter to make:

SAN FRANCISCO — White nationalist Richard Spencer and Charlottesville white supremacist rally organizer Jason Kessler are among the Twitter accounts that have lost their verified status as the social media company changes up who's entitled to the blue checkmark.

Twitter said Wednesday it was reviewing verified accounts with the goal of removing verification from accounts that violate its policies such as promoting hate speech or violence or harassing others. New guidelines say Twitter can remove verification "at any time without notice," and it will consider behavior both on and off the social network.

The move follows public outcry over Twitter verifying Kessler's account. The company says it has stopped verifying accounts while it overhauls the process.

So what do the snowflakes do when they can’t post on the major sites? Start their own! And the alt right has essentially created their own internet. They have their own religion. They have their own made up country. They have their own mannerisms and products they endorse. Now they have their own social media site – I give you GAB!

If you’re not already familiar with Gab, the frog-branded social networking site that briefly faced extinction this week after an infamous neo-Nazi twitter troll named Weev issued a threatening and virulently anti-Semitic post, give it a scan: It won’t take more than a minute to find language calling for the “eradication” of Jews or suggesting that “n-----s must be put back in their place.”

“Jews have cornered the whole Internet,” Weev wrote. “And I think the only way we’ll have any freedom of speech here is if someone teaches them a lesson.”

He went on to reference Timothy McVeigh, who killed 168 people and injured over 600 more after detonating a truck bomb in front of the Alfred P. Murrah building in Oklahoma City in 1995.

Yeah so think of this like playing a game of whack-a-troll – the internet is a vast beast. You can ban a troll like Baked Alaska from Twitter, but he’ll pop up in another place. Which will probably be much scarier and more frightening. Like for instance – the Alt Right has been kicked off various social media platforms and even sites like Air BNB and Go Fund Me have started kicking the Nazis off. Well… where does a broke Nazi to raise money to stockpile weapons and rally costumes?

Boxed out of mainstream crowdfunding sites, hate groups have taken a new tack: They're building their own financing platforms.

Big-name internet companies moved quickly to boot neo-Nazis after violent clashes between white nationalists and protesters in Charlottesville, Virginia left three dead in August. Crowdfunding platforms, like Patreon and GoFundMe, shuttered fundraisers for far-right causes, while Apple Pay and PayPal cut off services to white nationalists and merchants selling items that promote racism, like clothes bearing Nazi symbols.

To fill the void, neo-Nazi entrepreneurs are building crowdfunding sites of their own. The websites list free speech and fighting censorship as motivation. But critics say their names -- Counter.Fund, Goyfundme and Hatreon -- underscore a darker purpose: financing hate speech.

"The rise of these things is the reflection of a larger crackdown on hate," said Heidi Beirich, who leads the Southern Poverty Law Center's Intelligence Project. "They're scrambling to create an alternative ecosystem to do the same things they used to do with PayPal and Facebook and Google Ads and whatnot."

Ah nothing beats a nice tall glass of Hateraid, am I right? But the Alt Right has been busy creating its’ own Alt internet and if you’re not frightened by this, you absolutely should be. And why would we not be surprised that Fox News host and discount Patrick Bateman doppleganger Tucker Carlson would be supportive of Gab?

Fox host Tucker Carlson invited Andrew Torba, the founder of “Gab,” a social media app called a “haven for white nationalists” and a “magnet for the alt-right,” to attack Google and Apple for removing his app for promoting racist "hate speech."

Gab was recently removed from the Google Play Store and was rejected by Apple “eight of nine times” that it submitted an application to the Apple store because of the “objectionable content” found on the site. Wired described Gab as a “platform that looks like an artifact from a dystopian universe where the alt-right completely took over Twitter.”

On the September 5 edition of his show, Tucker Carlson ignored Gab’s obvious appeal to white nationalists and invited the platform’s founder to defend the social media platform’s right to promote hate speech using Google and Apple app stores:

Those would go great with a nice glass of Haterade wouldn’t they? But in case you’re wondering, the Alt Right has done away with Pepe The Frog. Why? The icon for hatred has become mainstream now!

Pepe the Frog, the meme that rose to mainstream prominence during the election as a mascot for pro-Trump trolls, has a plumper and more racist toad counterpart called Groyper that is proliferating through social media.

Originally a character in a psychedelic comic strip, Pepe eventually mutated into a meme for spreading alt-right talking points. Trump even retweeted an image of Pepe in 2015. The meme is now considered a hate symbol by the Anti-Defamation League.

The earliest known use of Groyper, according to KnowYourMeme, was in 2015, though Google Trends indicates that the popularity of the meme has mostly grown in the latter half of 2017.

Wow, Haterade comes in lots of different flavors now! I didn’t know that! But what should really terrify you about the Alt Right is that they’re developing even their own version of Bitcoin. Which means there could be some very well funded Nazis in our future not named Steve King:

After the Charlottesville protests, many white nationalists lost access to money-transfer services like Apple Pay and PayPal, and therefore turned to bitcoin, doubling down on their investment or creating wallets to experiment with the apolitical cryptocurrency.

In the past few months, the price of bitcoin soared to record heights, reaching a trading price over $11,000 per coin on Wednesday. Throughout this boom, white nationalist wealth has grown, with some of the country’s most virulent celebrity racists often raking in thousands of dollars in a single day.

Bitcoin can be used anonymously, but in order to accept donations, white nationalists had to de-anonymize themselves. So John Bambenek, a cybersecurity researcher and threat analyst, created a Twitter bot to follow and collect this information. It’s from that bot, @NeoNaziWallets, that Mic has collated and graphed this behavior. Even so, while anyone can watch the money move in and out of accounts, it’s uncertain where the money travels to, who is contributing and how many other digital wallets are involved in the network of white supremacist bitcoin users.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Yes friends! Gather around, friends! Pass the collection plate, friends! Yes, in this darkest of times we turn to the holiest among us, and even then we realize that the holiest among us are full of….

Welcome my sons and daughters to this week’s sermon! Gather around, gather around! How is my fine congregation this fine Wednesday? Because all that our holy lord and savior Jesus Christ wants to do is to sing his holy name in praise! Can I get an amen??? Well this week, our holiest brothers and sisters are attempting to fight a plague! And that plague is one of the greatest sins of all time – that must be cleansed from this earth! But they are chasing it the same way Wiley Coyote chases the Road Runner! So we have a guy who pretends to be a firefighter and a guy who pretends to be a coach talking about things they do not understand!

Self-proclaimed “firefighter prophet” and right-wing conspiracy theorist Mark Taylor made another appearance on Dave Daubenmire’s “Pass The Salt Live” webcast this morning, where he proclaimed that President Trump will soon arrest so many high-profile pedophiles and satanists that it’ll require years of military-style tribunals to prosecute them all.

Claiming that there are nearly 5,000 sealed indictments in place against powerful leaders, Taylor asserted that Trump, who is “ten steps ahead of everybody,” has put the National Guard on notice to prepare for civil unrest in the wake of mass arrests. Taylor asserted that Bill and Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are among those set to be indicted, claiming that Attorney General Jeff Sessions is methodically building cases against them so that they cannot escape on any sort of technicality.

“This corruption goes so deep and so wide and so long that it is going to take military-style tribunals to deal with the treasonous acts that are being committed right now in the United States,” Taylor said. “You are going to see people get rounded up that are going to blow your mind.”

Yes my fair brothers and sisters of all races and genders – yes we don’t discriminate here because that’s what the good lord would want! But segueing into our main topic of this sermon, you know who does discriminate? Religious bakers!

Three men will face the Supreme Court of the United States on Dec. 5 to settle a dispute over a wedding cake. David Mullins and Charlie Craig met Jack Phillips when they walked into his Colorado bakery, Masterpiece Cakeshop, five years ago and asked him to bake a cake for their wedding reception. Phillips refused, arguing that he morally opposed gay marriage. The Colorado Civil Rights Commission sued Phillips for discrimination. But Phillips appealed all the way to the Supreme Court.

Phillips’ wedding cake case has become somewhat of a cause célèbre for conservative Christians across the country.

The religious right lost its cultural fight against gay marriage the day the Court legalized it nationwide in 2015. But social conservatives like Phillips are working to carve out a legal exception for their right to object. The Alliance Defending Freedom, a top conservative Christian legal firm in Washington, has backed Phillips’ wedding cake case, and is making the argument that it is fundamentally not about LGBTQ discrimination but about free speech.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! See, there, Phillips? The good lord doesn’t spew bile and hatred! In fact I have read this good holy book that I hold in my right hand here, and I don’t remember any rule saying “fuck off if you don’t believe in what I believe in”! In fact I think the rule is “do unto others”! Thank you! But apparently no, Jesus would have wanted this!

A Colorado case is heading to the United States Supreme Court on Tuesday, December 5, when Jack Phillips, owner of Masterpiece Cakeshop in Lakewood, will argue that he had a right to refuse to make a wedding cake for a same-sex couple back in 2012. The case has been the subject of hot debate in this state, which first sided with the couple in 2014; so have most readers.


Replies Roy:

Jesus would have refused to make that cake, too. Actually, I think Jesus would have went in and then turned over the tables in anger.


Really? You think that’s what the good holy lord would have wanted? He would have wanted this type of discrimination? Can I get an amen???? But apparently there was another decision involving a barbecue joint from back during the civil rights movement:

WASHINGTON — The upcoming Supreme Court argument about a baker who refused to make a cake for a same-sex couple makes some civil rights lawyers think of South Carolina’s Piggie Park barbecue.

When two African-Americans parked their car at a Piggie Park drive-in in August 1964 in Columbia, South Carolina, the waitress who came out to serve them turned back once she saw they were black and didn’t take their order.

In the civil rights lawsuit that followed, Piggie Park owner Maurice Bessinger justified the refusal to serve black customers based on his religious belief opposing “any integration of the races whatsoever.”

So even the good holy lord Jesus Christ, creator of all that is holy. But we are hoping that SCOTUS does the right thing here and stops the bullshit discrimination laws known as “religious freedom”. Yes, religious freedom means we are allowed to swear in this congregation! Fuckin’ A!!!

This week, the U.S. Supreme Court will hear the case of David Mullins and Charlie Craig, a couple turned away by Masterpiece Cakeshop in Lakewood, Colo., when they tried to buy a wedding cake.

The two weren’t turned away because they couldn’t afford the cake. They weren’t turned away because they were rude. They were turned away because they are gay.

The Colorado courts and the Colorado Civil Rights Commission found that the bakery’s actions violated the state’s law barring discrimination. In the high court, the bakery argues that the lower courts’ findings violate its rights to both religious freedom and free speech.

I’ve watched this argument tangle a lot of good people in knots. But it shouldn’t.

Yes that is quite the conundrum, even our Holy Bible, the good book, can spread some conflicting messages every once in a while! And how can there beith comparisons to thine slavery? I mean really! This is absolutely insane!

Liberty Counsel’s Mat Staver joined Florida radio host Joyce Kaufman yesterday to discuss the Supreme Court arguments in the Masterpiece Cakeshop case, which Staver said dealt with whether a baker, Jack Phillips, would be “basically enslaved” to be a spokesperson for views he disagrees with by being required to bake a wedding cake for a gay couple.

Kaufman and Staver were encouraged by the Supreme Court’s decision, also yesterday, to let President Trump’s travel ban go into effect while legal challenges continue against it, but Staver said the uncertainty was too much and “the fact of the matter is we should never have to constantly wait with bated breath wondering, ‘Did we gain a constitutional right to day or did we lose one today?’

And then there was this douchebag:

Tony Perkins, president of the anti-LGBTQ group Family Research Council, told fellow anti-LGBTQ activist Jon Scruggs, senior counsel at Alliance Defending Freedom, that the thought of requiring a business to offer equal access to goods for gay people sounded “like indentured servitude.”

Yesterday, on FRC’s “Washington Watch” program, Perkins hosted Scruggs on air to discuss the Supreme Court arguments in the Masterpiece Cakeshop case. Perkins told Scruggs that requiring business owners not to discriminate against LGBTQ people seemed like a “slippery slope and there’s really no end to what the government could then force you to do.” Scruggs said he agreed because the attorneys arguing for nondiscrimination protections believe that calligraphers should be forced to write wedding vows and that bakers should have to write “bless this marriage” on a purchased cake if requested, which Scruggs called “scary things.”

“That sounds like to me, John, that sounds like indentured servitude. You have n

You know Jon, the only scary thing here is your hate and bigotry on display! Even our good holy lord Jesus thinks these people are lunatics! Thank you! But if the good high court rules in favor of Mullins and Craig, it could potentially overturn all religious freedom laws! And that would be a good thing!

For now, here's the short answer to the question as it currently stands in Indiana: In most parts of the state, there is no law that would prohibit a business from turning away a gay couple because of their sexual orientation.

So, theoretically, a baker could refuse to make a wedding cake for a gay couple with no legal ramifications in many parts of Indiana.

In some Indiana cities and towns, including Indianapolis and Carmel, there are local laws that prohibit employers, landlords and business owners from discriminating against gay people — like the statewide law in Colorado that came into play when Masterpiece Cakeshop refused to provide a cake for a gay couple.

But religious conservatives are challenging those laws in court. In their case, they specifically take issue with employers who are conservative Christians who could be punished under the laws for refusing to hire workers because they are gay.

Yes even his holiness is at a loss for words on this one. We will keep an eye out on this case. One more time, give it up for the Top 10 Gospel Choir! How great are they? Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That is it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Alex Jones
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Ah man do I really have to talk about Infowars this week? Sigh. Fuck. Ok make me. All right fine, I’ll talk about his shitty program. Well, this week, Alex must have been ingesting too much lead from the Infowars Store. You know, we previously covered this in Idiots #3-19, that the products sold in the Infowars Store contained very dangerous amounts of toxic lead. And in case you’re wondering just how much of it Alex ingested this week, well….

Alex Jones, the proprietor of the online supplement store and conspiracy theory outlet Infowars, theorized today that liberal lesbians seek out people who will torture them and eat their brains.

On today’s Infowars broadcast, Jones claimed that “most of the so-called liberal lesbians” are women who want men with a “duck’s ass haircut and the James Dean outfit” to physically slap them around, and that if they can’t find men who fit the bill, they will turn to women who do.

“Most of these butch lesbians, they want to be the guy smacking the hot chick around. They think that’s manly. And a lot of the chicks, they like it, see, because no man will do that to them, and I’m not saying it’s good if a man does that, but some women like it. And if they can’t find a man to smack them around, well they found them a girl gonna do it real good—knock them upside their head and have ‘50 Shades of Grey’ about the sexy rich guy that’s going to chain you up,” Jones said.

Eh, I’d call Alex Jones a duck’s ass, but that would be an insult to duck’s asses. You know we got to play the clip of this because it is exquisite.

I think Alex must have taken a little too much of the Infowars Brain Force. But this isn’t the only thing that Mr. Jones has said this week. You know what his solution to stop the growing plague of globalist pedophiles is? Jesus!

Alex Jones, the conspiracy theorist and supplement salesperson who heads Infowars, told listeners today they can look to Jesus Christ and Lazarus for inspiration fighting the supposed globalist liberal elites that want to destroy them, claiming that those who are defeated in the battle will see their spirits ascend to a higher power.

During his broadcast today, Jones claimed that the latest round of sexual assault allegations purging powerful men from their positions in media was proof the “house of cards” concealing the unlawful behavior of liberal elites was crumbling down. Jones warned that he and some of his supporters may suffer collateral damage to their own livelihoods, but urged viewers to look to Jesus Christ for inspiration.

“Of course, as allegories and clichés tend to be true, metaphysically you tend to fall with your great nemesis. But through the fall, you ascend. Evil falls and is destroyed when it hits the bottom. When we fall, we rise even stronger,” Jones said.

And we haven’t even got to this week’s Holy Shit yet! We’re using some Jesus memes early! But as for our good friend Alex, this is fucking scary – he claims he talks to Trump directly on a regular basis. We don’t want this guy feeding the president information! Batshit meets batshit!

Alex Jones, the Trump-endorsed conspiracy theorist behind Infowars, claimed that he has “personally witnessed” President Trump publicly spreading “word-for-word” information that Jones has shared with him in private conversations “at least five or six times.”

During yesterday’s broadcast of “The Alex Jones Show,” Jones dismissed mainstream media outlets’ questioning of Trump’s claims, saying that those outlets are “known liars.” Jones said he believed it was “absolutely right” to question the accuracy of Trump’s claims, but only because “it keeps the politicians honest” and “a lot of times he’s not aware of somebody going sideways on him until he gets told about it.”

Jones went on to brag about his private conversations with Trump.

And in case you need any further proof that Alex Jones has completely lost it – he thinks there are literally demons walking among us! Remember that crazy Jesus woman from that Wife Swap show on Fox? It’s kind of like that! Good times!

Alex Jones, the nutritional supplement salesman who created Infowars, compared the hosts of MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” to demonic aliens in the Netflix series “Stranger Things” and performed a demonic impression of co-host Mika Brzezinski.

Today, Jones said that co-hosts Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough were “parasites” who “will be removed” once Jones and his followers save America from the globalists.

“They’re both like horrible foot-long tapeworms, man. I’m telling you. Tapeworms that we vomited out and crapped out and they’re just trying to force-feed themselves back into our lives. They’re like gonorrhea or syphilis, I mean they are just—they’re like HIV. They’re like cancer. They are just—I mean you have to understand, folks, they literally want to destroy you,” Jones said. ”God, they’re evil. Do you realize how evil these people are?”

He then homed in on Brzezinski, claiming that people who have been at dinner parties with the duo have told him “she is just so evil and so into herself like her evil father that she just sits there and goes—“

Whew. Alex, keep doing what you’re doing.

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[font size="8"]GOP Moral Crusaders
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Next week is the special senate election of guy who likes to pretend he’s in the song “Rhindstone Cowboy” minus the rhindstones… Roy Moore. And of course the morals and values crowd is out in full force protecting their most valuable asset – a guy who will vote against gay marriage but spends most of his time creeping on women half his age. This is his base by the way. And you might be asking “where does our president stand on this?”. And I answer you good sir / madam with this :

President Trump on Monday fully endorsed Roy Moore, going further in his support of the Alabama Senate candidate accused of making unwanted sexual advances on teenage girls than he had in backing Moore last month.

“Democrats refusal to give even one vote for massive Tax Cuts is why we need Republican Roy Moore to win in Alabama,” Trump tweeted early Monday. “We need his vote on stopping crime, illegal immigration, Border Wall, Military, Pro Life, V.A., Judges 2nd Amendment and more. No to Jones, a Pelosi/Schumer Puppet!”

In November, Trump pointed to Moore’s denials of the allegations against the candidate from several decades ago, and the president spoke against voting for Democrat Doug Jones, but did not explicitly endorse Moore.

But it’s not wrong - that really happened. So Trump fully endorses Mr. Moore now, and we all know how well his endorsement of Luther Strange went. Spoiler alert: he lost! But the RNC even has thrown their weight behind the moral crusader:

President Trump led an aggressive charge Monday on behalf of embattled Senate nominee Roy Moore, with the Republican National Committee rejoining Moore’s side in Alabama weeks after cutting ties with him following allegations of sexual misconduct.

Before dawn, Trump took to Twitter to declare his strongest support yet for Moore. By day’s end, the RNC was back in his corner and America First Action, a pro-Trump group, said it would spend $1.1 million to try to push Moore across the finish line.

Senate Republican leaders, however, remained critical of Moore, warning that the former judge is likely to face an immediate ethics probe if he is elected next week.

The divergent attitudes toward Moore, who has been accused of making unwanted sexual advances toward teenage girls when he was in his 30s, underscored how polarizing a figure he would be among his party’s national leaders if he wins the Dec. 12 special election.

And by the way – do you ever notice that Trump’s at his worst *BEFORE* dawn? I know when I am running on very little to no sleep I am not very pleasant to deal with! And by the way – in case you’re wondering the kind of morals and values that the GOP is looking to protect, I give you Iowa Senator and guy who plays Lurch in the Addams Family in the local community theater, Charles Grassley:

As Republicans continue to sell the details of their tax bill, some are reaching for more colorful language to liven up complex policies that tend to put the average voter to sleep.

Case in point: Over the weekend, Sen. Charles E. Grassley (R-Iowa) hashed over the plan with his home state’s largest newspaper, the Des Moines Register. Turning to the party’s idea of doing away with the estate tax, Grassley framed the current law as a hindrance to responsible saving.

“I think not having the estate tax recognizes the people that are investing,” Grassley told the Register in a story published Saturday. “As opposed to those that are just spending every darn penny they have, whether it’s on booze or women or movies.”

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! So telling poor people to go fuck off and die is apparently one of the GOP morals and values they’re trying desperately to protect. You know Mr. Grassley, sir, let me spell it out for you perfectly clearly: spending money on the things you mentioned – actually helps the economy! Giving it back to your rich buddies – does not help the economy! Get it? But getting back to wannabe cowboy Moore – he has joined the ranks of conservative crybabies! I mean really is this the guy we want?

Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore, who has been avoiding non-right-wing media since allegations of sexual misconduct were made by the Washington Post, appeared on Monday on the radio show of Bryan Fischer, the American Family Association host who shares Moore’s penchant for anti-LGBTQ and anti-Muslim bigotry.

Fischer lobbed softballs to Moore, claiming that all the allegations against him had been debunked. Not surprisingly, Moore agreed, and portrayed himself as the victim of dirty politics: “What they’ve done to me is not only unforgivable, it’s just pure hatred, and it’s pure spite and it’s pure evil and wrong.”

Moore said that people in the Washington establishment “do not want me to take the truth of our Constitution and our God to Washington, D.C.” He said the attacks on him are evidence that “immorality permeates every aspect of our society” and the only way to bring back morality is for the country to acknowledge that Almighty God is the “true source” of morality.


Oh and if you want an even more boo-worthy story, wait until you see what a Roy Moore spokesperson said! Yes, they went there. So never mind that Roy Moore is a creepy pervert, Doug Jones wants to kill your babies! Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Janet Porter, spokesman for Republican U.S. Senate candidate Roy Moore, began a CNN interview on Tuesday by suggesting that Moore’s Democratic opponent, Doug Jones, supports killing the interviewer’s unborn baby.

“Thank you, it is great to be with you, and by the way, congratulations on your unborn child,” Porter said to host Poppy Marlow, who is pregnant. “That’s the reason I came down as a volunteer to speak for Judge Roy Moore, because he stands for the rights of babies like yours in the womb, where his opponent will support killing them until the moment of birth.”

Porter’s claim is false. Though Jones is pro-choice, he made clear during a recent interview with AL.com that he supports Alabama’s existing abortion laws, which ban most late-term abortions.

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
[br] [/font]

Oh here’s what time it is. It’s time for this:

So of course by now you know that people are people, and people are dumb. So who is dumb this week, you might ask? Well I want to start with this story out of Albany, New York. OK people, there’s a reason why they put “do not attempt” warnings on movies, TV shows and commercials. It’s because people really do attempt what they see. And if you’re watching a show on the History Channel called “Forged In Fire”, maybe don’t setup an amateur blacksmith operation in your own house. Because this could happen:

A fire raged across three blocks in a city near Albany on Thursday after a man tried to forge a piece of metal over a fire in a barrel near his home, officials said.

The fire destroyed three residential buildings and damaged 28 others in the city of Cohoes, displacing as many as 28 people, Shawn Morse, the mayor, said in an interview on Saturday. No serious injuries were reported.

John Gomes, 51, the resident who is accused of starting the blaze near his home, was apparently inspired by “Forged in Fire,” a television series on History (formerly known as The History Channel) in which bladesmiths compete to create swords and other edged weapons.

Next up in People Are Dumb – really people, I don’t care what your race, gender, or economic status is, wash your damn socks! We go to India for this crazy story.

New Delhi (AFP) - Indian police arrested a man whose stinky socks caused a showdown on a bus as his fellow passengers protested the pungent odour, an officer said Saturday.

The man removed his shoes and socks on a bus going from the Himalayan state of Himachal Pradesh to New Delhi and put them near the aisle, police said.

Other passengers protested and asked the man to put away the offending socks or throw them out.

The man refused, sparking a heated confrontation that forced the bus driver to stop at a police station in Una district of Himachal Pradesh.

Next up on People Are Dumb – man we’re going around the world this week. But really – how do you lose an entire house? Especially if it’s on the back of a truck?

The graffiti-strewn and derelict bungalow appeared over a week ago on an area that had recently been cleared for a new retail centre in Takanini, to the south of New Zealand's largest city, the Newshub website reports.

But unlike Dorothy's house in the Wizard of Oz, the hovel probably arrived on the back of a truck, rather than being lifted by a tornado.

Rod Bray of developers Northbridge Properties told Newshub that the culprits were probably trying to cut their own demolition costs by fly-tipping the house.

Next up in People Are Dumb – this story has everything! We go to Washington for this story – a guy was drunk, naked and having sex in a moving vehicle – which crashed into a tree. And oh yeah he forgot his kid was in the backseat! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Authorities say a man who was drunk, naked and having sex with a woman while driving south of Tacoma missed a curve and struck a tree.

Washington State Patrol spokeswoman Brooke Bova says the crash happened at about 6 p.m. Wednesday on Mountain Highway East near La Grande.

Bova says the woman, who was also naked, was hospitalized with broken bones. Bova says her 3-month-old child in the backseat was uninjured.

Next up – why of course our good friend Florida Man is back in the news. This is a perfect example of what happens when life imitates art. Remember the show Reno 911? Well this could have easily happened on that show:

A man in Central Florida who was “fed up” with people driving dangerously through an intersection took matters into his own hands and purposefully caused a head-on collision, police said.

Bruce Homer, 61, faces charges of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and reckless driving with personal injury.

Homer told police in Clermont, Fla., that he caused the crash because “people are always running through stop signs at the intersection” and officers “never do anything about it,” the Daily Commercial reports.

At around 1 p.m. Sunday, officers responded to the accident when an SUV hit Homer’s vehicle. The SUV driver the told officers that Homer pulled his truck in front of him as he was driving through the intersection.

Read more: http://www.ajc.com/news/crime--law/florida-man-fed-with-reckless-drivers-causes-crash-intersection/m1FZ2CHUvADAgawLpS8s4K/

Next up – bad cops! And I mean really if you’re a police officer you might want to stay off social media, but if you do, do not like anything that could get you into trouble.

A Springfield, Mass. police officer has been fired after making inflammatory comments on Facebook in August about the fatal car attack at a white supremacist rally in Charlottesville, Va., according to MassLive.

Conrad Lariviere reportedly wrote, “Hahahaha love this. Maybe people shouldn't block roadways,” in a comment on an article about the car that struck a crowd of counter-protestors at the rally, killing 32-year-old Heather Heyer and injuring others.

Read more: http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/363103-massachusetts-cop-fired-after-commenting-love-this-on-a-photo-of-car

Next up in People Are Dumb - pot! Really people, if you're under arrest for marijuana possession, I get telling the police to go fuck themselves, but don't do this!

Cops found a woman smoking marijuana in a car she parked in the spot assigned to the Northport Chief of Police while on her way to answer a summons for marijuana possession on Monday evening, police say.

"You can't make this stuff up," Chief of Police Bill Ricca said.

According to Northport Police, Arielle Bonnici, 26, of Huntington, was driving a 2001 Jeep on her way to Northport Village Justice Court to answer a summons that was issued to her on May 11 for unlawful possession of marijuana.
Police say she cut off an unmarked police car as she pulled into the rear of the parking lot of the 224 Main St. building, which is occupied by Village Justice Court and the Northport Police Department. Police say Bonnici, who appeared to be on her cellphone at the time, drove into the area designated for police vehicles only and then parked in the spot reserved for the chief of police.Cops found a woman smoking marijuana in a car she parked in the spot assigned to the Northport Chief of Police while on her way to answer a summons for marijuana possession on Monday evening, police say.
"You can't make this stuff up," Chief of Police Bill Ricca said.

Finally this week for People Are Dumb – once again our good friend Florida Man managed to baffle doctors when he arrived in an emergency room with this tattoo on his chest:

An unconscious 70-year-old man was rushed to an emergency room in Miami, Florida, earlier this year.

He had no identification, family or friends with him when he arrived.

However, he had a tattoo across his chest that said "Do Not Resuscitate." It included a signature.

The man's ink left doctors in an ethical dilemma — save the man’s life or honor the tattoo and let him die?

That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]World Tour Destination #24: Canada
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Part of our mission statement here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots is to show you that conservative idiocy isn’t just a problem with America. No, it’s a global problem that is stemming far and wide, and it’s not just America where conservative idiots ruin everything they touch. And if you’re thinking of moving out of the United States just because Donald J. Trump is our current president and our nation is turning to shit, you should know what it is you’re getting into should you decide that you want to leave the country. So if you want a recap of where we’ve been so far, in the last few weeks we’ve discovered that Australia is a few steps away from nationalizing gay marriage, Saudi Arabia has begun a real-life purge, and the UAE’s excessive greed is unmatched anywhere. Here’s the tour schedule:

[font size="6"]Canada[/font]

We are back in North America everybody! Man this World Tour has been great so far hasn’t it? All of our host countries have been amazing so far. With the exception of Saudi Arabia, I don’t think we’ll be going back there. But before we begin this one, I feel as is tradition, we should start with the Canadian national anthem:

OK you may be seated! So Canada is one of the world’s largest countries and it has a lot to offer. There’s 13 Canadian provinces – British Columbia, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Ontario, Quebec, Newfoundland , New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island, Yukon Territory, Northwest Territories, and Nunavut. Canada is also the home of one of my favorite sports – hockey! Nothing feels good like a good hip check, doesn’t it? And Canada takes their hockey seriously. They have the Vancouver Canucks, the Edmonton Oilers, the Winnipeg Jets, the Montreal Canadians, the Ottawa Senators, and the Calgary Flames. Toronto, Canada is the home of Toronto’s only professional baseball team – the Toronto Blue Jays, while Vancouver has Canada’s only NBA team – the Grizzlies. Canada is also the home of Banff National Park where you can see and stay in actual old school log cabins. And Toronto is the home of the CN tower – which has an actual revolving restaurant in it. And remember if you play Civilization V, the CN Tower is also one of the key wonders that will help you win a cultural victory. Canada is also the home of the Canadian Football League – and it is drastically different from the United States’ NFL. And the differences are way too many to list, so we’ll just link you to this handy Wikipedia page. But what else is Canada the home of? Well if you want to know what a nuclear war between the US and North Korea might look like, look no further!

Canadian and U.S. officials quietly held exercises last spring to practise dealing with worst-case nuclear scenarios — running through simulated attacks on both sides of the border, CBC News has learned.

The training took place against the backdrop of federal officials in this country discreetly revising contingency plans, including one to reconstitute the federal government outside of Ottawa should the capital become "unviable" in an attack or natural disaster.

Exercises are done on an annual, or semi-annual, basis, but the latest came amid fresh urgency in light of the worsening international climate, particularly with North Korean nuclear and intercontinental missile tests, the latest of which happened Tuesday.

Yeah so Canada is thinking about something that we don’t even want to begin contemplating here – because it’s all so batshit crazy. Canada also may have an ISIS problem, or do they? Good to see that Putin has boots on the ground in Canada!

The question of what to do about members of the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant who try to return to Canada has become a heated political battle in recent weeks.

The insinuation from Conservatives, as highlighted in Raitt's quote from a fundraising letter last week, is that the Liberals are soft on terrorists.

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau shot back in a fiery exchange with Conservative Leader Andrew Scheer on Tuesday, defending the government's approach even as he accused the Tories of scaremongering.

"We have enforcement, surveillance, and national security tools that we use to a significant degree," he said.

Yeah so there’s that and then there’s lots of snow. But oh my god Justin Trudeau is so much better than Donald Trump it’s like night and day! In fact here’s how he treated Canada’s LGBT community:

Trudeau’s broad apology for “state-sponsored, systemic oppression and rejection” included acknowledgement of the suppression of “two-spirit Indigenous values and beliefs” and “abusing the power of the law, and making criminals of citizens.”

At the same time, the government introduced legislation to expunge the criminal records of those convicted of having consensual same-sex activity. Canada decriminalized homosexuality in 1969, yet records of the convictions remain. The bill earmarks 4 million Canadian dollars ($3.11 million) over the next two fiscal years to carry out the destruction of these criminal records.

Trudeau also announced an agreement had been reached in a class-action lawsuit for 110 million Canadian dollars ($85.80 million) to be paid out to former civil servants and members of the military who lost their jobs because of their sexual orientation. A ban on lesbian and gay military service persisted until 1992.

Ah, I love Archer. But there is one thing about Canada that we have to talk about is that everyone says Canada has the best health care system in the world. But how true is that? Let’s explore that angle a bit.

Winnipeg hospitals still have the longest emergency department wait times in the country, but recent changes have already brought improvements, a Winnipeg Regional Health Authority official says.

There were four Winnipeg emergency departments in the top five longest wait times at hospital ERs in the country, a report from the Canadian Institute for Health Information says.

CIHI's latest wait-times report, released Thursday, gathered information from 209 hospitals across Canada for the fiscal year 2016-17. Quebec and Newfoundland and Labrador do not submit data to CIHI. Smaller hospitals are sometimes not included due to low ER visit numbers.

The Victoria General Hospital ER, which closed in October and became an urgent care centre, was second worst in the country, at six hours. The Concordia Hospital emergency department, which is also slated to close, had the worst wait time in the country, at 6.1 hours. Emergency departments at St. Boniface and Grace hospitals were fourth and fifth, at 5.4 and 5.2 hours, respectively.

But Canada isn’t immune from right wing extremism. As 2017 was the year of the extremist, it’s even affected our friends in the Great White North:

While attacks by and inspired by ISIS continued throughout the world in 2017, a noted terrorism expert said this year has been a real “wakeup call” about the dangers of right-wing extremism -- a threat he says Canadians have been all too complacent about.

A shooting at a mosque outside Quebec City on Jan. 29 killed six people and injured 19, making it the second-most deadly right-wing act of terrorism behind the Air India bombing in 1985.

“It was a watershed event in how it represents the infiltration of radical right-wing ideas in a violent form as we’ve also seen in the U.S. and Europe,” said James Ellis, project lead at the Canadian Network for Research on Terrorism, Security and Society.

So Canada’s got far right extremists too! They are just like us! They also have some serious war mongering going on!

Canada is scrapping a plan to buy 18 new Boeing Super Hornet fighter jets and will instead buy surplus Australian F-18s, according to a report from Reuters news agency.

Reuters, citing three sources familiar with the matter, reported that an announcement will be made next week. The Canadian government is not commenting on the report.

In late September, Defence Minister Harjit Sajjan acknowledged that Canada was focused on purchasing surplus Australian F-18s for interim aircraft. “As you know, we are pursuing the options with the Australians at this time,” he told journalists.

In early October, the National Post reported Canada had taken the first official step to purchasing the used fighter jets from Australia. The Canadian government submitted a formal expression of interest on Sept. 29 to Australia to acquire the aircraft, Public Services and Procurement Canada confirmed.

[font size="6"]The Verdict & Scorecard[/font]

So is Canada the liberal utopia? Well it’s definitely one of the best. It’s a great place to visit, and it’s a great place to live if you can afford to move there.

Tourism: A
Culture: B+
Political Spectrum: B-
Liberal Appeal: A

Overall: A

[font size="6"]Next Week[/font]

Holy crap, I can’t believe the first leg of our World Tour is almost done! Next week is the penultimate stop – we are heading to the Caribbean to visit the beautiful island nation of Cuba!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Death From Above 1979[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is one of Canada’s most popular heavy metal bands. And I've seen these guys live too, they are amazing! They have a new album out called “Outrage! Is Now”. Now playing their song called “Freeze Me”, give it up for Death From Above 1979!

See you next week! If we still live through this week that is!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: San Jose Improv, San Jose, CA
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

November 29, 2017

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-24: The Ungrateful Fool On The Hill Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-24: The Ungrateful Fool On The Hill Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Be sure to stop by your local Top 10 Dealer for our Winter Leverage Sales Event! Lease a new Top 10 for $3999 down and $399 a month payments for 36 months. We are back everybody! So… Avengers, right? I mean how fucking insane does this movie look?? In case you haven’t heard Marvel practically broke the internet last night when it dropped the trailer for Avengers: Infinity War. This movie has everything and as a huge fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, I can’t wait to see how this plays out. You have Tony fighting Thanos. You have Hulk, the Winter Soldier, Captain America, and Black Widow teaming up with Black Panther. You have Spiderman kicking some ass. And then to top it off? Why not Thor with the Guardians of the Galaxy!!! This whole thing is absolutely insane. 10 years of movies coming together, and I’ve been a fan since the first Iron Man was out back in 2008. I like that Kevin Smith said “You know I cry at everything but I’m bawling at this!”. I mean I love the Avengers movies, and recently we had Thor: Ragnarok which was absolutely amazing. We also had Spiderman: Homecoming which was great, and Guardians Of The Galaxy 2, which was also great. But those are just building blocks to the first part of the grand finale of this whole universe. Seriously I could go on all day talking about the Avengers movies, and the whole Marvel universe in general. But we got a lot of idiocy to get to. You know what? Fuck it, I’m stalling enough. I mean normally this is where we’d play a clip from a talk show, but since all the good talk shows are on vacation, let’s just show the trailer for Infinity War and bask in its’ glory:

Ladies and gentlemen, after a long absence, Dotard Trump comes back to the number one spot! Bravo, take a bow! So in the first slot is Dotard Trump (1). So this week the White House Christmas decorations are unveiled. But he wasted no time embarrassing the country in front of a group of Native Americans. In the second slot is Dotard Trump (2). Because he continues to pick a fight with passionate UCLA sports father LaVar Ball, and the dude can’t keep his mouth shut. In the second slot is Mr. Ball, and it’s insane (2). In the third slot is our old friend Project Veritas (3) who got owned at their own game, trying to catfish the Washington Post! Ha ha! At number 4, we’re going to explore a new news outlet that is a favorite of the Dotard called “MAGA Pill”. If only Trump fans knew what the Matrix actually means! At number 5 is our weekly due diligence on all things holy, which of course is “Holy Shit”. This time my inner pastor is going to take a look at a little known provision in the Trump tax plan, and well, frankly, this could send the country into a tail spin. At number 6 is Roy Moore (6). His allegations aren’t going away, and he’s picked up some surprising (NOT) endorsements! At number 7, we’ve got a new installment of “This Fucking Guy”. And we’re going to take a look at crazy far right conspiracy theorist lunatic and certified rape enthusiast Mike Cernovich (7). In the number 8 slot is Gun Nut Apologists (8). Because if there’s one thing we’ve learned in the Top 10 – is that this country loves it some guns, doesn’t it? Especially on Black Friday which we should start calling Red Friday. In the number 9 (NEIN!!) slot we’ve got a new installment of “I Need A Drink” and we’re going to talk about Flat Earthers. Yes, I do love the flat earthers because they’re a special kind of crazy. We talked about this in the monologue last week but we need to go into it in some more detail this week. Finally this week its’ more of the Top 10 World Tour (10). This time we’re going to the land of wealth and excess in the desert – full of tall buildings, excess wealth, and egregious human rights violations as we visit the Unite d Arab Emirates. Plus we’ve got some live music for you from one half of Oasis – Liam Gallagher! His new album “As You Were” is excellent, definitely check that one out! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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So Trump was strangely quiet over the Thanksgiving weekend. I guess he spent too much time eating shitty food and golfing. But now that he’s back in the White House, he’s ready to get back to work embarrassing the country! And how did he embarrass the country this week? Well, in just 24 hours, he managed to put up the extremely tacky White House Christmas decorations. Can we show that picture?

Which by the way, I love this that I saw on Twitter:


So are they decorating for Christmas, Halloween, or both? But that wasn’t the most embarrassing thing that happened this week. Leave it to Trump to embarrass the US in front of a group of actual Native Americans:

President Trump on Monday referred to Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) as “Pocahontas” at an event honoring Native American Code Talkers who served in World War II.

"You were here long before any of us were here,” Trump said, standing beneath a portrait of former President Andrew Jackson. “Although we have a representative in Congress who they say was here a long time ago. They call her Pocahontas.”

Turning to the veterans, Trump said "but do you know what? I like you."

The president made the remark in the Oval Office standing beside three Navajos who helped the U.S. Marine Corps develop a secret code during WWII.

You know this is like that old comic from Highlights Magazine – Goofus and Gallant. Gallant would not have done what Trump had done yesterday and respected their culture. Goofus, on the other hand…

The prominent placement of an Andrew Jackson portrait during an event meant to honor a group of Native Americans at the Oval Office on Monday has raised questions about the White House’s message.

Jackson is known for his harsh treatment of Native Americans as president, famously signing the Indian Removal Act, which led to thousands of Native American deaths as tens of thousands were forced to relocate. Some observers thought the juxtaposition of his portrait during the event with the stated purpose of honoring three Navajo code talkers was strange.

And you know we don’t know what to expect either, but the consistent thing here is that Trump is constantly embarrassing himself. And you know what’s equally embarrassing? The defense coming from the republican party. Yes this is an insult. No, it’s not the same as Disney releasing a historically accurate movie!

Mike Huckabee is more than just the former Governor of Arkansas. He is also the father of White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, a Fox News contributor, and a full-throated defender of President Donald Trump, regardless of what may come out of his mouth.

During an appearance on Fox & Friends this morning, he was asked to comment on the current dust-up surrounding Trump’s “Pocahontas” dig at Senator Elizabeth Warren during a White House ceremony honoring Native American Code Talkers who were heroes of World War II, which many saw as an unnecessary, inappropriate, and even racist dig at one of his political rivals.

Warren has claimed Native American ancestry which her detractors believe she used to gain advantageous status as a minority, particularly during her time at Harvard. There is a lot that is unsettled in this story: does Warren actually have indigenous people lineage? Is Trump racist for mocking her as “Pocahontas”? In other words, it is perfect fodder for opinion-based cable news programming as there is plenty of outrage to go around.

Add a few more “nos” to that. Because Mike Huckabee, you know him as Twitter’s least funny comedian, wasn’t the only one who made this bullshit comparison. I give you Qusay Trump:

Eric Trump on Tuesday appeared to compare President Trump's comments calling Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) "Pocahontas" to Disney profiting off of a movie of the same name.

"The irony of an ABC reporter (whose parent company Disney has profited nearly half a billion dollars on the movie 'Pocahontas') inferring that the name is 'offensive' is truly staggering to me," Eric Trump tweeted Tuesday.

His comments come after Trump called Warren "Pocahontas" during an event honoring Native American code talkers.

During the event honoring three Navajos who helped the U.S. Marine Corps develop a secret code during WWII, Trump said: "You were here long before any of us were here."

"Although we have a representative in Congress who they say was here a long time ago. They call her Pocahontas," he said.

I think this edition is going to be very Arrested Development happy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that! Well there is something wrong with the way republicans continue to defend this racist bullshit:

Fox New host Laura Ingraham rushed to President Donald Trump’s defense after he called Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) “Pocahontas,” by treating her radio listeners to a “war whoop” and creating an offensive stereotypical Native American name for the Massachusetts Democrat.

Monday afternoon, Trump made the comment during a ceremony honoring Navajo “Code Talkers” who served during World War II which outraged many, including the family’s of the honored men.

That didn’t stop Ingraham, who along with Fox host Sean Hannity is one of Trump’s biggest and most unapologetic boosters, from doubling down for the president by introducing her segment with the war whoop and a sarcastic diatribe, caught by Media Matters.


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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

Let me ask you this my fair Top 10 fans! What happens when you get two completely unhinged, egomaniacal, self praising lunatics in the same room? Well when you get Donald J. Trump and wannabe billionaire LaVar Ball in the same room, expect their egos to create the biggest implosion known to man! See, LaVar Ball is a guy who is famous for fathering 3 insanely talented basketball playing sons, but more importantly, he is known for trash talking. But then again, so is our president! What happened exactly?

President Trump can't stop thinking about LaVar Ball.

One is a garrulous, self-promoting businessman who launched a company named after himself and often engages in public feuds.

The other is a garrulous, self-promoting businessman who launched a company named after himself and often engages in public feuds.

Together, they seem locked in a war of words that may never end.

More than 24 hours after Ball downplayed the president's role in freeing his son, UCLA basketball player LiAngelo Ball, after a shoplifting incident in China this month, Trump lashed out on Twitter to declare Ball an "ungrateful fool."

Yeah so if LaVar Ball is the “ungrateful fool”, would that make Trump the “Ungrateful Fool On The Hill?” Thank you! Come on Beatles fans, sing it with me! “The ungrateful fool on the hill… sees the sun going down, OK?”. But you ever wonder why Trump is so obsessed with LaVar Ball? Well here’s some insight.

Have you ever done a good deed for someone? Can you think of something particularly generous you did to help someone who really needed it? I’m not just asking rhetorically: Put that deed in your mind.

Now imagine, after doing that good deed, you go on Twitter and say how grateful the person you helped should be — and even ask publicly if they are going to thank you for it.

That’s gross, right?

Now imagine being the president of the United States and being so starved for attention — so deeply needy for adulation and praise, so hooked on being in the spotlight — that after you did a rather simple good deed, you got on Twitter and made clear how good your deed was, and how much you wanted that person to be grateful for your good deed.

But we’re not wrong here, Donald! So Trump says he should have left LaVar Ball’s son and his friends in a Chinese prison! Because you know, that’s the compassionate conservative side of Trump talking. But let’s think about this here, and I would love to see these two in a steel cage death match, WWE style:

At the start of this year, if you would have told me I’d be interviewing a China scholar about a deal in which President of the United States asks his Chinese counterpart, Xi Jinping, for help to free three UCLA basketball players who’ve been held in a Chinese hotel for allegedly stealing sunglasses, I would have scoffed. If you said that one of those UCLA players was LiAngelo Ball, son of LaVar Ball — proprietor of $495 shoes, controversial and outspoken father of Los Angeles Lakers rookie Lonzo Ball — I would have laughed even harder.

Bet the under on that one, since I had to call up UCLA’s Shirley Wang Endowed Chair in US-China Relations & Communications, Min Zhou, to talk about LaVar Ball.

But have no fear! Mr. Ball is going to make things all better! You know how? Shoes! That’s right – Mr. Ball thinks that a pair of shoes is going to make it all better! Because everybody loves a new pair of some nice shoes, don’t they? And I hate to sound sexist, but I think the ladies in the crowd would agree with me there, am I right?

The beef between President Donald Trump and LaVar Ball is the epitome of exactly what 2017 has been — but it isn’t over.

The first shipment of Lonzo Ball’s signature ZO2 shoes were reportedly shipped out by Big Baller Brand on Friday and LaVar Ball took his family out to celebrate. While out, Ball ran into a TMZ reporter and was asked to comment on the thought that he was “beating Trump at his own game.”

But according to Ball, that’s nonsense. Instead, he said, the president needs to calm down. To help him calm down, Ball said he’d personally ship Trump a pair of ZO2’s to wear.

“I gotta ship some to Trump so he can calm down a little bit. Get him some ZO2s so he play on the court. Not in the court, but on the court,” Ball said.

You know Mr. Ball, something tells me that Mr. Trump isn’t exactly what one would call the basketball playing type. I mean just look at him! The dude can barely climb up a hill looking for a golf ball!

But you know – you get two turkeys in a room, what do you expect? I mean how can you actively eat a turkey dinner on Thanksgiving when you have two giant turkeys in the room?

Civility, grace and gratitude are deader than Charles Manson. God has become a four-letter word. But we are blessed with plenty of turkeys.

LaVar “Big Baller” Ball this week ran verbal trapezoids around a tongue-tied Chris Cuomo on CNN. Ball is a media creation (thanks, ESPN) whose obscene methods of self-promotion have succeeded beyond any imaginable goal.

Ball steadfastly refused to acknowledge or credit President Trump for his role in getting LiAngelo Ball and two other UCLA basketball players released from China after they were arrested for shoplifting.

“Tell Donald Trump to have a great Thanksgiving, because Big Baller is,” Ball said.

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[font size="8"]Project Veritas
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Conservatives, let this be a lesson. Here’s what happens when you get owned attempting to troll – just retreat to your troll cave with your tail tucked between your legs. So let me explain – conservative activist and before picture in a Viagra commercial, James O’Keefe, attempted to troll the Washington Post, much like he attempted to troll CNN a few months ago (see: Idiots #3-4. And well, this time the Washington Post caught him red handed.

The Washington Post says that they caught a “Project Veritas” undercover video sting operation that was meant to discredit their reports on Roy Moore by feeding them a false story about the GOP candidate for Alabama’s U.S. Senate seat.

The Post reports that a woman came to their offices and said that Roy Moore impregnated her when she was a teenager.

“In a series of interviews over two weeks, the woman shared a dramatic story about an alleged sexual relationship with Moore in 1992 that led to an abortion when she was 15,” they reported. “During the interviews, she repeatedly pressed Post reporters to give their opinions on the effects that her claims could have on Moore’s candidacy if she went public.”

They confronted her about inconsistencies in her story, and did not publish the story that would have almost certainly damaged Roy Moore. When they saw that she was entering the New York offices of “Project Veritas,” they concluded that she was a part of a sting operation in a “scheme to deceive and embarrass” the news outlet.

Yeah so Project Veritas was attempting to catfish the Washington Post and failed miserably! What was that line from Homer Simpson? “Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably! The lesson here is never try!”. So how bad was the failed sting operation?

A woman falsely accusing Alabama Republican U.S. Senate candidate Roy Moore of impregnating her at 15 years old approached The Washington Post with her story in what appeared to be a sting effort to deceive the news organization.

The woman, Jaime T. Phillips, appears to work with Project Veritas, an organization that attempts to secretly record deceptive conversations with journalists in an effort to discredit mainstream news outlets and expose what they claim to be media bias.

The Post interviewed her over the course of two weeks, identifying falsehoods and inconsistencies in her story along the way. In her unsubstantiated story, she claimed to have a sexual relationship with Moore as a 15-year-old, which she claimed led to an abortion.

In the interviews, Phillips would ask reporters for their opinions on how her false story, if made public, could affect the Moore campaign.

I really don’t think that one needs a “congratulations” but… yeah you failed. So the failure of Project Veritas proves just how batshit crazy conservatives are and they are willing to stop at nothing to get Roy Moore elected, because, reasons. But this isn’t the first time Project Veritas embarrassed themselves, this is just the first time they got caught!

One Bit of Good News About the News: Some amazing Washington Post reporters caught a goon from Project Veritas trying to trick them into publishing a false story about a woman who claimed to have a sexual relationship with Roy Moore as a teen, and the pure schadenfreude of watching her squirm on camera as reporter Stephanie McCrummen grills the liar is worth however much money you have in your wallet right now. All the little details about the way they caught the woman are incredible, as is the feeling of gratitude that surfaces when you realize that there is a phalanx of journalists dedicated to telling the truth, even as they're undermined by the powers that be and literal fake news generators like Project Veritas. Do not relegate this one to the tabs graveyard, and please subscribe.

Now to be fair, if you want to see a hit piece that actually does deserve to get a lot of shit, look no further than the New York Times and their extremely horrible “Nazi Next Door” piece. Look, we don’t need to normalize Nazis! And we certainly don’t need to discredit Roy Moore’s accusers! Both things are equally horrible, like that pile of your neighbor’s dog shit on the street that they’ve been refusing to clean up the last two months!

The New York Times published a profile over the weekend of an Ohio man named Tony Hovater, a co-founder of the white supremacist Traditionalist Worker Party. The piece, by reporter Richard Fausset, was meant to say something profound about the banality of evil—This man shops for groceries! He has a Twin Peaks tattoo! He has both a wife and cats!—but it came across instead as an exercise in making evil sound banal.

In one of two follow-up pieces the Times ran to try to explain the story, the paper’s national editor, Marc Lacey, wrote, “We recognize that people can disagree on how best to tell a disagreeable story. What we think is indisputable, though, is the need to shed more light, not less, on the most extreme corners of American life and the people who inhabit them.”

Yet Fausset spent so much time staring at Hovater eating a turkey sandwich, he didn’t get around to shining much light on the particular corner his subject occupies. The Times managed to miss or gloss over a whole batch of facts and questions that might have lent both context and color to what purported to be a definitive profile of a white nationalist “foot soldier.” Here are a few of them:

By the way, the usual Alt Right suspects rushed to defend professional asshole James O’Keefe, and you know you can always tell a lot about a person by the company they keep:

After reporters at The Washington Post unmasked yet another botched undercover sting operation headed by James O’Keefe’s organization Project Veritas, right-wing pundits put their eagerness to undermine mainstream media outlets above all else and took to providing cover for O’Keefe and his organization.

Yesterday, the Washington Post revealed that a Project Veritas operative had attempted to dupe reporters with a false story claiming that Alabama Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore impregnated her as a teenager. After reporters found inconsistencies in the operative’s stories and spotted her entering the Project Veritas headquarters, they connected the false account to O’Keefe. O’Keefe’s prior faceplants include being exposed attempting to lure a CNN reporter onto a boat full of dildos to then record the reporter and humiliate her, sabotaging his own attempt to dupe the Open Society Foundations and failing to entrap Hillary Clinton supporters into doing anything more scandalous than selling campaign merch to a Canadian.

But that didn’t stop the most ardent anti-mainstream media pundits from defending O’Keefe’s operation.

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[font size="8"]MAGA Pill
[br] [/font]

When you have an ultra fanatical, ego maniacal, self praising, batshit crazy lunatic like Trump in the White House, you’re going to get some resistance to what you do. But then for the self praising Trump, who has repeatedly called himself “Your Favorite President”, he tends to favor news sources that well, kiss his ass 100%, no less. Can we throw that tweet up there?


And then there was this:


Think of it this way – this is like when a dog marks its’ territory in your house. When it happens, it’s totally natural instinct. When it happens, it’s a pain in the ass to clean up. And when it happens, you will most likely wind up stepping in shit. But Trump is just spreading his awareness of fake news, but that’s Russia’s job, damn it!!! So let’s talk about Trump’s new preferred source of news: MAGA Pill.

President Donald Trump tweeted his thanks last night to a website that listed all of his accomplishments – “Fired corrupt and incompetent FBI Director James Comey,” made the list. “Wow, even I didn’t realize we did so much,” wrote Trump. “Wish the Fake News would report! Thank you.”

The site he thanked is Maga Pill – the name, with ties to white nationalism, combines Trump’s Make America Great Again catchphrase with a Matrix reference – and if “Fake News” sites followed its lead, they’d be posting content on their Twitter pages that link Kevin Spacey with Pizzagate and claim that a Hillary Clinton porn tape found on Anthony Weiner’s laptop was so horrific it made grown men on the NYPD cry.

Trump’s tweet-thanks to Maga Pill came three days into the president’s Thanksgiving holiday weekend in Florida, a getaway stuffed with golf and media rumination. On Friday, he tweeted his you-can’t-fire-me-I-quit missive about Time magazine’s Person of the Year non-offer, and on Saturday re-stated his not-secret preference for Fox News over CNN.

So it’s no secret that Trump prefers to watch Fox News 24 hours a day. Now if only Trump fans understood what the Matrix actually meant!

The name MagaPill is a riff on “red pill,” a term popular with white nationalists and others on the far right. A metaphor based on a plot line from The Matrix, it refers to the process of normalizing extreme views. MagaPill is also active on Gab, a social network favored by white nationalist and banned from the Google app store violating its hate speech policy.

But while Trump presents MagaPill as the antidote to “fake news,” the site regularly traffics in unhinged conspiracy theories. Just a few hours before being endorsed by Trump, MagaPill posted a video from Liz Crokin, a fringe figure best known for pushing the Pizzagate conspiracy. In the video, Crokin claims there is a sex tape of Hillary Clinton with an underage girl on Anthony Weiner’s laptop.

By the way in case you’re keeping score at home, Trump has attacked CNN so many times it’s absolutely insane, and now touts a lunatic fringe conspiracy theory website. But we all know that Fox & Friends has an audience of one now, and let’s face it – they’re just fucking with Trump at this point.

President Trump could have plausibly claimed that his first tweet of the day was an original thought.

Sure, it mirrored an argument presented exactly 14 minutes earlier on “Fox & Friends,” a program the president is known to watch regularly, but who could prove that wasn't a coincidence? Great minds think alike, right?

In two subsequent tweets, however, Trump made clear that he was parroting the talking points he saw on TV, when he mentioned @foxandfriends and quoted one of the show's guests directly.

Oh come on Trump, this is like the movie Kingsman where they just start fucking with their prospective candidates. Fox hated that there was a president who didn’t listen to them for 8 years. Now we have one who *ONLY* listens to them! Who needs fake news when you have a fake news network playing you like a fiddle?

President Donald Trump once again tweeted along to Fox News' morning show, Fox & Friends, this time complaining about an NFL player they criticized and quoting their cyron during a segment about the economy.

Trump tweeted about NFL player Marshawn Lynch sitting during the U.S. national anthem about 15 minutes after Fox & Friends ran a segment on Lynch’s decision to sit during the anthem. At 6:07 a.m., Fox & Friends discussed Lynch’s decision to sit during the U.S. national anthem and stand during the Mexican national anthem at a November 19 game played in Mexico City. Co-host Brian Kilmeade called Lynch’s decision “an international embarrassment,” urged the NFL players’ union to “crack down” on those who refuse to stand during the national anthem, and claimed that, because of NFL player protests, NFL “attendance is down. Ratings are down.”

Yeah so Fox & Friends plays Trump like a fiddle. They know that if they feed him a bullshit story, he’ll tweet it to his hundreds of thousands of Russian bot account followers. And there might be a few actual twitter posters that follow him as well. We do! Oh come on, how else am I going to keep up with his bullshit? But in case you’re wondering the kind of quality journalism that MAGA Pill reports on, here’s some stories they’ve recently covered!

The word MAGAPill appears to be a portmanteau combining the Trump campaign slogan beloved by white nationalists with the symbol of an internet forum for men who believe they are sexually oppressed by feminists, so that’s a promising start. And here, with a hat tip to Judd Legum of ThinkProgress, is a sampling of some of the subjects that MAGAPill has covered in past weeks:

Lady Gaga’s involvement in Hillary Clinton’s child-sacrifice practices
The Vatican’s knowledge of “ancient occult magic”
The encroachment of sharia law
The government’s coverup of evidence that the recent massacre in Las Vegas was actually carried out by multiple shooters
The Jews (click here to see a MAGAPill tweet which deploys the anti-Semitic triple parentheses dog whistle that's often deployed by far-right writers)

By the way, why do the conservative conspiracy theorists hate Lady Gaga? We might have to do a deep dive on this subject. I’ll end this with some Lady Gaga, because why not?

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Yes friends! Gather around, friends! Pass the collection plate, friends! Yay, in this darkest of times, we turn to the holiest among us. But even then we are reminded that the holiest among us are full of, well…

How is my beautiful congregation this fine Wednesday? How are you all doing tonight? Because the Good Lord would want us to gather and sing the light in his holy presence! Can I get an amen? Thank you! Well, you know last week we spent our sermon touring the good holy lord Jesus Christs’ new temple in Washington, DC. Well, now we have something to tell you that Jesus himself will not approve of!

WASHINGTON — For years, a coalition of well-funded groups on the religious right have waged an uphill battle to repeal a 1954 law that bans churches and other nonprofit groups from engaging in political activity.

Now, those groups are edging toward a once-improbable victory as Republican lawmakers, with the enthusiastic backing of President Trump, prepare to rewrite large swaths of the United States tax code as part of the $1.5 trillion tax package moving through Congress.

Among the changes in the tax bill that passed the House this month is a provision to roll back the 1954 ban, a move that is championed by the religious right, but opposed by thousands of religious and nonprofit leaders, who warn that it could blur the line between charity and politics.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! You know, I am just a man of the cloth and I know my Bible. And I can’t recall a single verse in it where Jesus would approve of this sort of thing. Because greed is a SIN!!!!! And SINS MUST BE CLEANSED!!!!! In the name of all that is good and holy for our lord Jesus Christ! Can I get an amen??? Let us sing his holy name in praise now!!! Thank you to the Official Top 10 Gospel Choir! But even our Jewish friends hate this because the referendum seems to only attract one particular type of worshipper!

The Republican tax bill that recently passed the House of Representatives contains an obscure provision that many right-wing Christian activists have been advocating for — a repeal of the Johnson Amendment, a 1954 law that prohibits churches and synagogues from engaging in political activity.

Currently, pastors who endorse candidates from the pulpit could risk having their house of worship lose its tax-exempt status with the Internal Revenue Service.

The House version of Trump’s tax reform legislation does away with this limitation and would permit tax-exempt religious institutions to both endorse candidates and urge congregants to vote for them.

Read more: https://forward.com/fast-forward/388375/will-trump-tax-cuts-allow-rabbis-to-preach-politics-from-the-pulpit/

Even the lord our god, creator of all that is good and holy, cannot take much more of this madness! I mean… do you even know what this is going to do? No, because the GOP does not read or thinketh with thine brains.

For evangelical groups in particular, the provision is a huge victory. The language written by chairman Kevin Brady, R-Texas, "puts an end to the IRS’s role of policing the speech of churches, and non-profit organizations," said Tony Perkins, president of the conservative Family Research Council. "The IRS has no constitutional basis to monitor and then censor speech that doesn’t meet with the approval of government bureaucrats."

Some political donors might then shift their contributions from political organizations that are not tax-exempt to churches or other charities that are tax-exempt to save themselves a little extra money, said Thomas Barthold, chief of staff for the congressional Joint Committee on Taxation.

But saving donors a little extra money would cost the U.S. treasury about $2.1 billion over 10 years, the joint committee predicted. The modified language cut the estimated cost to about $900 million by making the provision effective for only five years, but it is not clear that estimate accounts for the vast expansion of the universe of charities that could ramp up political activity.

Yes because the Lord Our God is angry, and when he is angry, he is really angry!!! But this isn’t just GOP arrogance on full display, and arrogance is a sin punishable by Satan in the most unholy of ways. And they must be cleansed of this sin!!!! And yes it does specify churches, which means things could get very, very ugly!!!

Somewhat buried in the deluge of Thursday’s 429-page tax proposal from the House of Representatives was Sect. 5201, permitting churches to make political statements during the ordinary course of religious services. The section, the second to last of the bill, runs counter to the Johnson Amendment, which has prohibited partisan political activity among all 501(c)(3)s since 1954.

The section’s wording has been met with confusion and opposition from some nonprofit leaders and civil rights groups. The term “church” is used twice in the provision with no mention of other houses of worship. A Capitol Hill staffer speaking to The NonProfit Times on background declined to speculate as to whether the language in the section might be changed in subsequent drafts.

The section specifically states that churches, integrated auxiliaries, and organizations described in 508(c)(1)(A) — which also refers to churches, integrated auxiliaries, and conventions or associations of churches –“shall not fail to be treated as organized and operated exclusively for a religious purpose, nor shall it be deemed to have participated in, or intervened in any political campaign on behalf of any candidate for public office, solely because of the content of any homily, sermon, teaching, dialectic, or other presentation made during a religious service or gatherings . . .”

Can we pass the collection plate please????????????? Because if I declare the Top 10 a church, I can then raise enough money to buy some candidates! Or maybe not. We do have a budget of zero. Yes the GOP wants to do away with all non profit groups, and that could potentially be disastrous!

There's no doubt that the main purpose of the Republican tax bill, in both its House and Senate forms, is to slash taxes for corporations and the rich while making the rest of the country pay for it. But Republicans are also stuffing a wish list of right-wing goals into the bill. One provision of the House legislation that has gotten relatively little media attention has the potential to drastically remake our campaign finance system, and tilt the already unfair playing field even further toward the Republicans.

Ever since 1954, a legislative add-on known as the Johnson Amendment has prevented charities, social welfare organizations and, perhaps most importantly, churches from endorsing candidates. Such institutions may lose their tax-exempt status if they engage in electioneering. The House bill would functionally dismantle the Johnson Amendment, thereby opening the door to pastors endorsing candidates from the pulpits and for charities large and small -- even the Red Cross or Salvation Army -- to openly support political candidates or causes in the course of their official charitable work.

Oh shit!!!! I just realized that if I declare the Top 10 a religious organization, that I too shall be held to the same standard as churches are! Does that mean that I don’t have to pay taxes? Sweet! Can I get an amen???? We cannot let them get away with this!! Even our president does not know what he speaketh!

Religious leaders and clergy across the nation — including those in Omaha — are carefully watching what happens to one part of tax legislation that’s making its way through the U.S. House and Senate.

The House version of the bill includes a change to the Johnson Amendment, the 1954 law that prohibits tax-exempt nonprofits such as churches from endorsing political candidates. A stipulation at the end of the 429-page bill would make it legal for ministers to endorse candidates from the pulpit.

The House passed its tax bill on Nov. 16, and a Senate version is still pending.

At the National Prayer Breakfast in February, President Donald Trump said he would “totally destroy” the Johnson Amendment. That vow was aimed at people — mostly conservative Christians — who oppose the 1954 law partly because they believe that it violates First Amendment rights. Trump issued an executive order in May directing the Internal Revenue Service not to penalize clergy members for political speech.

Yay, I hope it did not get too intense for you there! Because what Trump and his merry band are proposing is dangerous, and I hope you leave this sermon with this information in tact! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That is it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Roy Moore
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If there’s one thing we love here at the Top 10 Home Office, it’s a good train wreck. Which so far is the entire calendar year 2017. But in that calendar year 2017 – there’s the Alabama Senate elections, which is between Roy Moore and Doug Jones. This election is a train wreck within a train wreck. And come on, Alabama! You’ve heard the arguments! Now go and get out the vote against Moore! But would you be surprised in the least to learn that Judge Moore has picked up some surprising endorsements? Well…

Matthew Hale, the imprisoned white supremacist convicted of plotting to kill a Chicago federal judge, endorsed Republican Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore on Monday.

“There is no evidence Roy Moore committed sexual harassment against any of the woman (sic) that have made these accusations or that Roy Moore is a sexual predator,” a news release with the headline “Political Prisoner Matt Hale endorses Moore” states.

The news release, issued by Hale’s mother, compares Matthew Hale’s legal woes — insisting that he’s innocent — to the sexual harassment accusations against Moore.

“Anybody can accuse anyone of anything but that doesn’t make it true,” Hale, who is serving a 40-year sentence at a supermax federal prison in Florence, Colo., is quoted as saying. “I know from my own experience.”

That’s right – Roy Moore just scored an endorsement from a guy who was convicted of attempted murder of a federal judge! Yeah, you know what they say about always telling a guy by the company they keep! But now there’s a challenger in the mix!

When retired Marine Col. Lee Busby read it was too late for a write-in candidate for the Alabama senate race, he said, “Hold my beer, we will just see about that.”

Busby told The Daily Beast on Monday he is launching his long-shot bid to stop Republican nominee Roy Moore from reaching the Senate.

“I have no idea if the allegations against him true or not, but I don’t see anything within his experience as a judge that qualifies him for the job.”

Busby said his state needs a choice other than Moore or Democrat Doug Jones.

I fucking love this. Roy Moore is so polarizing that he’s receiving challengers within his own party – just days before the election! If that doesn’t hand the election over to Doug Jones, what will? Maybe Ringo Starr?

A Breitbart editor attempted to defend the sexual misconduct allegations against Alabama Republican Roy Moore by referencing a Ringo Starr song.

"You know, in 1973, Ringo Starr hit No. 1 on the billboard charts with the song ‘You’re Sixteen, You’re Beautiful and You’re Mine,'" Breitbart's Joel Pollak said on CNN. "And it was a remake of an earlier song. He was 30-something at the time, singing about a 16-year-old. You want to take away Ringo Starr’s achievement?"

CNN's Chris Cuomo looked incredulous at Pollak's remark.

"You can't be serious," he told Pollak. "You think that Ringo Starr’s song is supposed to be a nod towards allowing 30-year-old men to prey on teenagers? You don’t believe that, Joel. You’re a parent. You don’t believe that."

Really? That’s the best you got? An extremely creepy Ringo Starr song from the 60s? Calling this election a train wreck at this point, is an insult to train wrecks. But this is 2017 here! If this weren’t a train wreck, I would be very disappointed! I mean what’s Trump’s opinion on this shit?

President Donald Trump won't be hitting the campaign trail for Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore in Alabama after all, the White House said Monday.

"The president is not planning any trip to Alabama at this time. Frankly, his schedule doesn't permit him doing anything between now and Election Day," White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders told reporters, referring to the Dec. 12 election.

Trump, who denied accusations of sexual assault or misconduct by more than a dozen women when he was a candidate, hinted last week that he might hit the trail for Moore, who has been accused of sexual misconduct by numerous women. Trump told reporters he’d let them know this week if he was going to hit the campaign trail.

Yeah Sarah, that’s because we all know how well Trump’s campaign for Luther Strange went. But that’s all well and good, you might ask, but what about the women? How do the women of Alabama react to this madness? Well… sadly some of them still support him.

HUNTSVILLE, Ala. — Andrea McCafferty pulled into the parking lot of Sugar Belle, curious why the coffee shop would be so crowded on a Tuesday. The big draw was Louise Jones, whose husband, Doug Jones, is the Democratic Senate nominee. After grabbing some tea, McCafferty took a seat near the front of the room and gave Jones some advice.

“Make sure the Republicans understand that they can vote in this election if they don’t like Roy Moore,” she told Louise Jones. “There are a lot of people who want to vote for Jones, but don’t want to cross the party.”

In the closing days of Alabama’s unexpectedly close race ahead of a special election, a battle is emerging for voters like McCafferty: white suburban women who typically support GOP candidates but who, unlike many of their male counterparts, have become uneasy about Moore.

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[font size="8"]Mike Cernovich
[br] [/font]

It’s time once again for:

This week’s “This Fucking Guy” is Mike Cernovich. You may not know the name. He’s a frequent contributor to Infowars. He’s the guy who brought you Pizzagate. He’s also that guy at any political rally who scares children. But he probably more scares women. This week, Mikey was on Infowars where he made an astonishingly stupid claim about Roy Moore, but guess what? He clearly said what people who are part of the ultra far right cult are thinking!

Mike Cernovich, a right-wing pundit infamous for his role in elevating the “Pizzagate” conspiracy theories, claimed that General Michael Flynn has been subjected to investigation by the “deep state” and criticism by media elites because he had investigated pedophilia.

While discussing recent floods of sex abuse allegations against powerful men with Infowars host Alex Jones today, Cernovich explained that media figures who once praised alleged sex abusers such as Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein were complicit in a “conspiracy of silence.”

Cernovich then made a hard pivot to claim that Flynn’s investigation into pedophiles is what made him the target of a “deep state” investigation, rather than his suspected involvement in a Russian influence operation during the 2016 election that may end in his indictment.

“That’s why they all hate Trump and that’s why they hate General Flynn, because they were investigating the pedophiles and the pedophilia,” Cernovich said. “That’s the real big story nobody wants to talk about.”

There’s so many things wrong with this statement. I mean first off The Pedophiles And The Pedophilia sounds like the name of a day time soap opera doesn’t it? Excuse me a minute… But this isn’t the first time Cernovich has made such a batshit crazy claim. They really are obsessed aren’t they?

Mike Cernovich, an Infowars contributor and right-wing personality who has pushed the “Pizzagate” conspiracy that a child sex ring was operating underneath a Washington pizza restaurant, agreed with Infowars host Alex Jones yesterday that the “deep state” wants to censor their speech because they discuss conspiracy theories involving pedophilia.

On yesterday’s episode of “The Alex Jones Show,” Cernovich accused liberal Hollywood actors of spreading conspiracy theories involving Russian president Vladimir Putin because Putin is opposed to pedophilia.

Cernovich speculated, “What I think is actually going on here is Putin is actually very anti-pedophile and has done a lot of things to fight the –“

Jones interrupted, “Oh no, that’s what it is. There’s a global anti-pedophile network. Now if you’re not for the pedophiles, you’re against them and that’s what it is. And anybody for the deep state is now a pedophile.”

“Deep state is definitely part of the pedophile networks and they are pro-pedophile. There’s no question about it,” Cernovich said.

Let’s think about this here, Alex and Mike. There’s no one here on this world who’s pro pedophile. Really, even actual pedophiles like Jerry Sandusky are most likely regretting their actions in prison! Is there anyone on this earth pro pedophile? I mean except for maybe that one guy running for the Senate from Alabama. Thank you! But you know I think Mr. Cernovich might be the one who protests way too much.

Mike Cernovich, a self-described “New Right” pundit infamous for his role in the “Pizzagate” conspiracy hoax, claimed that what he perceives as attacks on him and Infowars host Alex Jones from mainstream media outlets are actually attacks on every nuclear family in America.

On Jones’ program last week, Cernovich and Jones discussed the Senate testimony of a lawyer representing Twitter, who said that the platform had attempted to suppress perceived interference in the 2016 election by suppressing tweets that promoted Wikileaks releases with the hashtags “#DNCLeak” and “#PodestaEmails.” The duo interpreted the statement as validation of their longstanding warnings that conspiratorial globalist forces are using digital platforms to censor and silence their worldview.

“This is not an attack on you and me,” Cernovich told Jones. “We’re just puppets to the globalist pedophile masterminds. You and I, they’re attacking us because we’re public figures. Ultimately, this is an attack on every nuclear family in America. They’re trying to destroy the nuclear family. They’re trying to enslave people.”

Holy shit! I mean… dost thou protest too much there, Mikey? These guys are like the crazy ex of a pedophile trying to prove they did it. They’ve got the GPS trackers, they’ve got mine detectors, they’ve got tin foil hats… you know, the Douchebag Survival Kit. I mean you have an ACTUAL PEDOPHILE who might become the next SENATOR FROM ALABAMA!!! And what is your opinion on this?

What about an unrelated Democratic senator?

“If the 14 year old girl stuff about Roy Moore is true, zero of my people will have that. Issue is WaPo has fabricated stories, ignored Menendez underage sex accusations. Trust issue.” ― Right-wing media personality Mike Cernovich

Yeah seriously! What the fuck!!! So you’re giving Roy Moore a pass but still talking about Robert Menendez? I mean is this a pedophile sting operation, or dare I say it… a democratic… witch… hunt? I mean you do know he’s under investigation for bribery and not pedophilia, right? I mean it is the state of New Jersey we’re talking about here!

Newark, New Jersey (CNN)As jurors continue to deliberate in New Jersey Democratic Sen. Bob Menendez's bribery and corruption trial, CNN has assembled the highlights of the 10-week trial. Jurors heard from nearly 60 witnesses and were shown almost 300 pieces of evidence.
Jurors must determine under federal bribery law whether or not Menendez performed "official acts" by pressuring other officials to help Florida ophthalmologist Dr. Salomon Melgen. Both men deny all charges against them.

These people are absolutely obsessed with pedophilia. I mean really it’s like playing a really fucked up game of Six Degrees Of Kevin Bacon. Except there’s just one degree, and Kevin Bacon is a pedophile from the Deep State!! I mean look at what Cernovich’s buddies Paul Joseph Watson and Jack Posobiec did at a recent appearance at Columbia University. Talk about obsessed! :

Posobiec is a media personality known for his endorsement of conspiracy theories and orchestration of hoax news events. In the last year, Posobiec has sent trolls to a net neutrality rally with signs calling for the shutdown of conservative media outlets, and distributed fake flyers at another net neutrality event claiming that participants endorsed “Satanic porn.”

The New Right pile-on over the suppose NAMBLA banner is reminiscent of the movement’s formative days in the midst of the Pizzagate conspiracy theory, which alleged that Democrats were operating a child sex ring underneath a pizza parlor. New Right activists and conspiracy theorists are absolutely obsessed with pedophilia and have used false allegations of pedophilia to attack their opponents and dissenters before.

Infowars editor-in-chief Paul Joseph Watson even wrote that if the sign was “pro-Cernovich people and handed to Antifa demonstrators to make them look stupid” it wouldn’t matter because “protesters didn’t even bother to check what was written on the giant banner before marching behind it.”

Excuse me a minute… These people are trying to convince you they’re not pedophiles aren’t they? I mean that’s how deep their obsession goes! But guess what? The Alt Right and the “New Right” are fighting each other! And when that happens, get a giant bucket of popcorn ready!

Activists and media figures who call themselves “New Right” have been trying to disassociate themselves with the white supremacist alt-right ever since an alt-right protester murdered a liberal counter-protester in Charlottesville earlier this year. But these New Right figures—people like Mike Cernovich and Gateway Pundit’s Lucian Wintrich—have become increasingly reckless with the social media networks they’ve created, using their platforms to elevate without critique people who espouse the extremists views they claim to disavow.

In a video released today, Cernovich appeared on Milo Yiannopoulos’ podcast “The MILO Show” to discuss his acquisition of the “Shitty Men in Media” list that has been circulating among female journalists at major publishing outlets. Cernovich’s appearance, unsurprisingly, featured no mention of the recent Buzzfeed exposé that revealed direct ties between Yiannopoulos and explicit white nationalists, which led former White House strategist and current Breitbart leader Steve Bannon to declare Yiannopoulous to be “dead to me.”

By the way if you want to know how Mike Cernovich feels about things like rape, here’s some light reading for you for some of his greatest hits:

Holy shit! So yeah… rape apparently when it doesn’t come to actual rapists. That’s Mike Cernovich, this week’s:

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[font size="8"]Gun Nut Apologists
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OK people… next week is the second anniversary of when I started the Top 10. Yeah I know, two years goes by quickly hasn’t it? And you know what? We haven’t learned a god damned thing. Because if you remember in Idiots #3, I reported how the FBI was reporting that on Black Friday of 2015, they had their highest record of background checks for new gun sales ever. Cut to two years later. Well…

For decades, the term “Black Friday” has conjured up distinct images: turkey-stuffed consumers awake at insanely early hours of the morning, bursting into big-box stores to fight over flat-screen TVs.

But in a muzzle flash, it seems, a new image may be replacing that stereotype. It involves a trigger and, possibly, a scope.

On Friday, the FBI received 203,086 requests for instant gun background checks, according to USA Today — nearly a 10 percent increase from the year before and a new record for background checks in a single day.

That’s not an anomaly. According to the FBI, the previous two records for background checks were also set on the day after the federal holiday in which Americans give thanks for the year’s blessings.

Come on, gun nuts, you know it’s bad when Judge Judy does it! So come on Lexus, you want to sell more luxury cars during the December To Remember sales event? Just include the promise of a semi automatic rifle with it! I mean you’re already paying $55,000 or more for your new Lexus, you can modify your new GX460 to go full Mad Max! I love that graphic!

Shoppers hunting for Black Friday deals seemed to include a record number of those in the market for firearms; the FBI says it fielded 203,086 background check requests for gun purchases on the day after Thanksgiving — the highest daily total ever, reports USA Today.

"Background checks are considered the best available proxy for gun purchases since overall sales numbers are not made public," reports NPR's Uri Berliner.

But the number of firearms actually sold on Friday was probably higher than 203,086 because a buyer would require just one check but could purchase multiple firearms in a single transaction.

It is a popular time of year to buy guns. The previous record of 185,713 background checks was set one year earlier on Black Friday.

But there’s more to this insanity of putting out the gun problem with more guns. Ah who am I kidding? I know what country I live in! ‘MERICA!!!! So what better way to tell grandma you didn’t like her giblet gravy than by busting a cap in her ass?

What is the ideal thing to do the day after stuffing your face with turkey and giving thanks for all that is good in the world? For a record number of Americans, the answer seems to be to buy a firearm. The FBI received 203,086 requests for background checks on Black Friday, marking a substantial increase from the previous high of 185,713, which was set on the day after Thanksgiving last year. The record before that had also been set on Black Friday, 2015, when there were 185,345 checks.

The number of background checks shouldn’t be seen as a precise barometer for sales because one person can buy several firearms with one transaction. But it does suggest that firearms could have been the exception to what appeared to be generally sluggish Black Friday sales in brick-and-mortar stores. Online sales, however, soared 17.9 percent to $7.9 billion, according to Adobe Analytics.

I know what you’re thinking… did I eat six drumsticks or only five? You know fuck Black Friday, it should really be called Red Friday!

For decades, the term “Black Friday” has conjured up distinct images: Turkey-stuffed consumers awake at insanely early hours of the morning, bursting into big-box stores to fight over flat screen TVs.

But in a muzzle flash, it seems, a new image may be replacing that stereotype. It involves a trigger and, possibly, a scope.

On Friday, the FBI received 203,086 requests for instant gun background checks, according to USA Today – nearly a 10 percent increase from the year before and a new record for background checks in a single day.

That’s not an anomaly. According to the FBI, the previous two records for background checks were also set on the day after the federal holiday in which Americans give thanks for the year’s blessings.

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[font size="8"]Flat Earthers
[br] [/font]

It’s now time for:

And man do I need a drink this week. Tell me, bartender… what goes good with talking about science? I know! Why don’t I get a glass of Walter White’s favorite whisky – a Dimple Pinch? Oh yeah on the rocks, neat. So why are we talking about science? Because it’s time to talk about one of my favorite subjects – flat earthers. I love the flat earthers. You know we talked about this in the monologue last week, but I feel that we need to expand on this a bit more. And this flat earther is a particular kind of crazy!

Science is littered with tales of visionaries who paid for pioneering research to prove their theories, and this weekend “Mad” Mike Hughes is hoping to join them. He plans to launch a homemade rocket in California as part of a bid to eventually prove that the Earth is flat.

Hughes has spent $20,000 (£15,000) building the steam-powered rocket in his spare time, and will be livestreaming the launch over the internet. The self-described daredevil says he switched his focus to rockets after twice breaking his back doing stunt jumps in cars.

“I don’t believe in science,” declared the 61-year-old. “I know about aerodynamics and fluid dynamics and how things move through the air. But that’s not science, that’s just a formula.”

The rocket, which Hughes aims to reach an altitude of 1,800ft (550 metres) over California, will be launched from the back of a converted motorhome purchased from Craigslist. It is sponsored by a flat Earth research group, and Hughes plans a subsequent trip to try and observe the flatness of the Earth for himself.

Yeah there’s so much wrong with this story where do I begin? You have a guy who doesn’t believe in science building a rocket after breaking his back doing stunt jumps. He’s not a flat earther – he’s your racist uncle! Can we show a picture of the rocket?

Look at how janky the welding looks on that rocket! I mean was it built by Acme corporation? But here’s why Flat Earthers are a special breed of crazy:


Flat Earthers, as they call themselves, are not religious fundamentalists, but instead appear sincerely convinced they are victims of a massive cover-up.

The sheer number of websites and YouTube accounts dedicated to the cause is enough to make your head spin. One YouTube account run by theory advocate Mark Sargent has 43,952 subscribers.

The first Flat Earth International Conference was held this month in Raleigh, North Carolina - featuring speakers from "all over Flat Earth".

Earlier this year, an American Flat Earther approached a NASA employee at a Starbucks in an attempt to reveal the conspiracy theory he was protecting.

Yeah I can imagine that’s how it is going to go! But yeah… in case you’re wondering, Mr. “Mad Mike” doesn’t need to launch a rocket to prove the earth is flat.

The flat-Earth believer "Mad" Mike Hughes postponed his plans to launch himself in a homemade rocket thousands of feet in the air—but there is plenty of evidence that already reveals the Earth is indeed round, not flat.

Humans figured out that the Earth was round thousands of years ago—and without all the fancy space technology we have today to take photos of the Earth from above. Hughes, along with another notable flat-Earther, rapper B.o.B., are wrong—and there’s plenty of evidence why.

As early as 500 B.C., the ancient Greek philosopher Pythagoras proposed the concept of a spherical Earth but without much concrete physical evidence, according to the American Physical Society. A few hundred years later, Aristotle noted several arguments showing that the Earth was round—including ones that people with doubts could see for themselves.

By the way, I love that Neil DeGrasse Tyson trolled the flat earthers good in this regard:


That is hilarious. Oh and by the way, Mr. Hughes’ insane little experiment is being postponed because of – wait for it - the government! Yes it’s that danged gubmint that’s always the problem!

Unfazed by an official ban to launch himself in a homemade rocket over a California desert in a bid to prove that Earth is flat, Mike Hughes remains confident that he will eventually fly to the atmosflat as part of his ambitious flat-Earth project.

Hughes said he was postponing the flight, scheduled for Saturday, after he failed to get permission from the Bureau of Land Management to conduct it on public land.

He added, however, that he planned to launch sometime next week on private property in the Mojave Desert in Southern California, The Washington Post reported.

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[font size="8"]World Tour Destination #24: The United Arab Emirates
[br] [/font]

Part of our mission statement here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots is to show you that conservative idiocy isn’t just a problem with America. No, it’s a global problem that is stemming far and wide, and it’s not just America where conservative idiots ruin everything they touch. And if you’re thinking of moving out of the United States just because Donald J. Trump is our current president and our nation is turning to shit, you should know what it is you’re getting into should you decide that you want to leave the country. So if you want a recap of where we’ve been so far, in the last few weeks we’ve discovered that India has a cyber crime problem, Australia is a few steps away from nationalizing gay marriage, and Saudi Arabia has begun a real-life purge. Here’s the tour schedule:

[font size="6"]United Arab Emirates[/font]

Welcome to Dubai everybody! We’re doing a live show from the world’s largest building – the Burj Khalifa! Not to be confused with Whiz Khalifa, good sir! But that’s not the only thing that the Emirates has. It is where all the money in the United States is going as its’ chief export is the black gold. Texas tea – oil, that is! Dubai is the home of the world’s most expensive hotel – the Burj Al Arab. It’s also the home of two huge man made islands – one resembling a giant palm tree and the other resembling a map of the world. Dubai also has a place where you can ski indoors 24 hours a day and one of the world’s first completely underwater hotels. Just try to find it on Google Maps, I dare you! The UAE is also home to two of the world’s most profitable airlines with the most expensive first class seats in the industry. I’m told aviation is a huge deal in the UAE because they’re the only ones who can afford to fly these laps of luxury in the sky. I’m talking about Etihad Airlines out of the nation’s capital Abu Dhabi, and Emirates which operates out of Dubai. The UAE is also the home of the W Motors corporation that manufactures the world’s most expensive car known as the Lykan Hypersport – one of which was destroyed in the movie Furious 7. But what else is the UAE the home of? Well it’s the home of some uber wealthy financial mud slinging for starters!

United Arab Emirates Fund CEO Throws Shade at JP Morgan’s Jamie Dimon

شركة مبادلة (Mubadala Development Company PJSC), an Abu Dhabi-based state holding company, appears receptive to the global phenomenon sweeping through professional finance circles that is bitcoin. Its CEO, when asked about Jamie Dimon’s comments calling the decentralized currency a “fraud” that will “blow up,” answered that it was too soon to dismiss Satoshi’s creation.

“I have still have not formed a clear view on this,” Khaldoon Khalifa Al Mubarak, CEO and Managing Director of the Abu Dhabi company, began with regard to the technology undergirding bitcoin. “We’re still getting educated on this. The area I would have concern on, still, is the regulatory side. How is this going to be regulated?” he asked rhetorically.

Mubadala is an Abu Dhabi state holding company operating within a joint-stock scheme with assets well above 100 billion USD. The fund is proposed as “a pioneering global investor, deploying capital with integrity and ingenuity to accelerate economic growth for the long-term benefit of Abu Dhabi,” according to its website.

So with excess wealth comes excess greed. I mean come on, we should know that living in America – which is a country that’s spiraling out of control toward a wealthy oligarchy. And with excess greed comes excess spending on, well… bullshit!

The UAE, a country where millions live off desalinated ocean water, says its next survival challenge will be figuring out how to grow fruits and vegetables on the surface of Mars. Obscene amounts of money are being invested by its space agency on a massive facility where they’ll use their desert mastery to cultivate lettuce, tomatoes, strawberries, and dates in their own backyard — which, they’ve realized, isn’t so different from Mars. The plan was announced at this week’s Dubai Airshow, where officials posed the very legitimate question of who, besides them, the space industry could trust to potentially blow millions on a big Matt Damon Martian lab?

In its pitch, the UAE Space Agency explained the similarities “between Mars and the desert,” adding $5.5 billion has been funneled into the nation’s colonization program to date. Construction on the desert facility — called Mars Science City, near Dubai — has already begun, and it constitutes one of Earth’s biggest interplanetary projects. Almost 2 million square feet, it’s expected to cost around $150 million, and is literally supposed to simulate being inside a Mars colony. Researchers will live under a series of domes that also house laboratories devoted to agriculture (among other things). Officials say they picked lettuce and those two fruits because scientists have already established those types of produce might work on the Red Planet, and then there’s the date palm “for its symbolic links with the region.”

Come on, you guys do know that the Martian was fantasy, right? And at some point you’re going to run out of ranch dressing for all that lettuce! And really, why do restaurants automatically assume you want ranch dressing with everything? Do they get paid by the ranch dressing industry under the table? Well, moving on. So why are the UAE so obsessed with space? Well, here’s the answer.

One thing you can't accuse the United Arab Emirates of lacking is vision.

First they unveiled plans to launch a Mars probe. Then it was an ambition to colonise the Red Planet.

Now the UAE has a new aim - to become a centre for space agriculture and the promotion of research into how food might be grown on Mars.

The space sector is a huge feature of the Dubai Airshow, with exhibitions, conferences, and speakers that include former Nasa Apollo 15 astronaut, Al Worden.

Maybe that’s what they’re building toward – a real life Mars University. But some good news – the WWE is getting it’s own franchise in the UAE! They’re only one step away from getting their own Fox News!

DUBAI: Some of the world’s best wrestlers are set to do battle in the Middle East when they pile-drive their way to the UAE for WWE LIVE Abu Dhabi on Dec. 7 and 8.

The contest in the capital features superstars such as, among others, Roman Reigns, Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose, Braun Strowman and Sheamus.

“We are excited to bring WWE LIVE back to Abu Dhabi following overwhelming demand from our large, passionate fan base in the region,” said Carlo Nohra, WWE Middle East vice-president and general manager.

I hope the UAE doesn’t head in the direction that the US is in – we’re only a few steps away from President Camacho. Although if you do visit this glorious desert metropolis, you might want to not venture away from the tourist areas too much.

While the ruling family of the United Arab Emirates (UAE) seeks to promote a bright image of a civil state that respects the civil and human rights of its citizens, the reality on the ground — for an increasing number of human rights defenders, activists and academics — is much darker.

One landmark example is a case now known as the UAE 94, a group of human rights defenders, political activists, businesspeople, students, bloggers and others, all of whom were arrested and ill-treated – and some of them tortured — for calling for democratic reforms in the Emirates. This peaceful and legitimate exercise of freedom of association and freedom of expression was not treated as such.

The trial of the UAE 94 detainees began on 4 March 2013 before the Special Security Chamber at the Federal Supreme Court in Abu Dhabi, where they were charged with establishing an organization aimed at overthrowing the regime, a charge they all denied. Confessions extracted by force were accepted and considered satisfactory by the court despite the defendants’ objections and their declarations that torture was used to extract these confessions by the State Security Apparatus.

But there is one key benefit of living in the UAE – you will have perfect teeth! I mean have you ever seen any Arab Sheikhs with any flaws in their teeth? Neither have I!

Dubai: In an unprecedented achievement in the world, the UAE has obtained the Canadian diamond accreditation for all specialised dental centres of the Ministry of Health and Prevention, becoming the first country in the globe other than Canada to get this high accreditation.

The ministry announced that the accreditation has been granted to its dental centres after a Canadian team of experts conducted a thorough evaluation of all of them. The evaluation included examining the centres’ commitment to international standards related to adherence to quality, patient safety, drug management, infection control and occupational safety.

The evaluation process found that the Ministry of Health and Prevention has a 97 per cent rate of commitment to these international standards, an official said on Saturday.

[font size="6"]The Verdict & Scorecard[/font]

This is kind of a tricky one. On one hand the UAE has Dubai and Abu Dhabi – which are some pretty awesome cities to visit with tons of things to do. And like Vegas, there’s something new every time you visit. However, beyond those cities something very disgusting lies underneath.

Tourism: A+
Culture: B+
Political Spectrum: D-
Liberal Appeal: C-

Overall: C-

[font size="6"]Next Week[/font]

We’ve got just 3 stops left before we are done with the first leg of the World Tour. Next up – we have a stop in the land of hockey, poutine, and curling as we visit the Great White North – Canada! Plus we’ll have some live music for you from Canada’s own Death From Above 1979!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Liam Gallagher[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest has a great new album out called “As You Were” and he is ½ of the group formerly known as Oasis. Playing his song called “Wall Of Glass”, give it up for Liam Gallagher!

See you next week! If we still live through this week that is!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: American Comedy Club, San Diego, CA
Special Thanks To: American Comedy Management
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Liam Gallagher Appears Courtesy Of: Warner Music Group
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

November 29, 2017

The Movement To Remake Religious Liberty Is Taking The Courts

The Senate Judiciary Committee is holding a hearing today on the nomination of Kyle Duncan to a lifetime seat on the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals. Duncan is one of several of Donald Trump’s judicial nominees who have been affiliated with conservative legal organizations that are working to remake American law to protect discrimination in the name of religious freedom.

The Religious Right has so far been thrilled with Trump’s nominations to the federal courts, in part with the hope that Trump’s judges will endorse the movement’s effort to rewrite the meaning of religious liberty. With Duncan and others, Trump is attempting to put representatives of this movement directly on the bench.

Duncan previously served as the general counsel of the Becket Fund for Religious Liberty. Matthew Kacsmaryk and Jeff Mateer, who have both worked for First Liberty Institute, are nominated to district court seats in Texas. As Sarah Posner notes in an in-depth profile of the Alliance Defending Freedom yesterday, Duncan and Mateer are also among the four Trump judicial nominees with ties to the behemoth conservative legal group, which has done more than any other to promote the radical reimagining of religious liberty.

Mateer’s nomination has gotten the most attention of these, given his comments about transgender children being part of “Satan’s plan,” his invocation of Nazi Germany in discussing the current treatment of conservative Christians in America, and his decision to speak at a conference that featured considerable discussion about the death penalty for gay people. But like Mateer, Duncan and Kasmaryk are poised to bring the ideology of the Religious Right, dressed up in the movement’s carefully calibrated talking points about religious liberty, into the federal courts.

Remember: This is what Roy Moore's election is about. The Talibangelicals are fueled by hatred, and especially their unabashed hatred of the LGBT community, and when they win, we all lose. Roy Moore will vote to confirm every single one of their nominees, no matter how batshit fucking crazy they are, Doug Jones will not.
November 23, 2017

Mike Cernovich Claims Michael Flynn Was Targeted By Deep State For Investigating Pedophilia

Mike Cernovich, a right-wing pundit infamous for his role in elevating the “Pizzagate” conspiracy theories, claimed that General Michael Flynn has been subjected to investigation by the “deep state” and criticism by media elites because he had investigated pedophilia.

While discussing recent floods of sex abuse allegations against powerful men with Infowars host Alex Jones today, Cernovich explained that media figures who once praised alleged sex abusers such as Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein were complicit in a “conspiracy of silence.”

Cernovich then made a hard pivot to claim that Flynn’s investigation into pedophiles is what made him the target of a “deep state” investigation, rather than his suspected involvement in a Russian influence operation during the 2016 election that may end in his indictment.

“That’s why they all hate Trump and that’s why they hate General Flynn, because they were investigating the pedophiles and the pedophilia,” Cernovich said. “That’s the real big story nobody wants to talk about.”

STFU rapist! Pedophilia is one of the worst crimes imaginable, but you don't get to discredit anyone for it as long as you support Roy Moore. And you also don't get to discredit anyone for horrible sex crimes that you repeatedly brag about. So STFU and GTFO!
November 22, 2017

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-23: Return Of The Son Of The Bride Of Young Al Frankenstein Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-23: Return Of The Son Of The Bride Of Young Al Frankenstein Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! So tonight we’re doing something a bit different – we’re honoring our host country Saudi Arabia by adhering to the strict customs and traditions of the Islamic religion. So unfortunately there will be no ladies in the audience tonight. I really hope that I don’t get sued for this one! But we’re in Saudi Arabia. We are back everybody! So normally I’d save this one for “People Are Dumb” but this one is so good that it’s hard to let it sink in with all the other categories of stupid people. So we got to talk about one of my favorite groups of stupid people – flat earthers. Yes, we have discussed flat earthers a lot on this program. But this guy might take the cake as far as one of the stupidest I’ve ever seen. And this is in my home state of California at that! This Saturday – in the Mojave Desert, a man named Mike Hughes is going to launch himself in a homemade rocket that will take him 1800 feet in the air to prove the earth is flat. Yes, this guy is building his own fucking rocket to launch himself into space! God bless America, am I right? Let’s show the picture of the rocket:

So is the rocket going to be made by Acme Corporation? Is the rocket just what you need for catching that pesky road runner? Does it come with free Acme Brand dynamite? By the way, I love that this was at a “flat earth conference” where this was announced and that included discussing such topics as “NASA being controlled by round-earth Freemasons” and “Elon Musk is building rocket ships from blimps”. This is all real by the way. And I love that he is going to “shut the door on this ball earth” once and for all damn it! By the way, I think I have a preview of how this might be going:

We’ll keep an eye on this story for next week, but man do I love making fun of flat earthers because they are a special kind of crazy. OK that’s enough of the intro, we got a lot of idiocy to cover this week! But first – we got to play Chance The Rapper’s song about Obama coming back from Saturday Night Live last week – it was a thing of beauty!

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!!! So before we ship off for the holidays, we’ve got some much needed idiocy to cover! Number one this week is Steve Bannon (1). So apparently Al Franken is now a member of the White Male Groper’s Club but the more you peel back the layers of this story, the more it looks like a carefully orchestrated reich wing power grab, and guess what? It was! At number 2 this week is also the White Male Groper’s Club (2) because they have been busy adding tons of new members including Transparent’s Jeffrey Tambor, Sly Stallone, and a few other creepy perverts. At number 3, speaking of creepy perverts, is President Donald J. Trump (3). Because the billionaires are demanding their return on investment when they bought Congress and the presidency in the 2016 elections, and Trump is determined to give it to them. At number 4 is also President Trump (4) who managed to do something no human being has been able to do – make LaVar Ball, father of the Los Angeles Lakers’ star Lonzo Ball, likeable! In the 5th slot we’ve got a new installment of “How Is This Still A Thing”, and we’re going to ask: The Presidential Turkey Pardon: How Is This Still A Thing? At number 6 is a now regular feature on the Top 10 – our weekly due diligence on all things holy as we present all the fucked up shit that the Christian right has been up to in “Holy Shit”. But this week we're going to break from the formula of poking holes in the religious rights' arguments, and instead tour the insane new $500 million, Hobby Lobby sponsored Bible Museum in Washington DC. At number 7 is Gene Simmons (7). Yes, that Gene Simmons of KISS fame. Did you know he’s a creepy pervert and got banned from Fox News for life? Neither are we! It’s insane. At number 8, we’re going to lighten things up and talk about penises. Specifically, the penis that was drawn in the sky over the state of Washington – by a military pilot! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) installment we’ve got another installment of People Are Dumb because, well, people are dumb! Finally this week we’ve got another stop of the Top 10 World Tour. This time we’re heading to the land of Mecca – Saudi Arabia! Uh oh, I hear they don’t have much of a sense of humor in that country! I hope we make it out alive! I will try to make it tasteful. Plus since we’re going to the desert, we have some live desert rock for you (see what I did there?) from Queens Of The Stone Age! If you don’t have their amazing new album “Villains”, well, get out of my audience! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]The Al Franken Hit Job
[br] [/font]

So I spent the weekend trying to figure out how to carefully broach this one. Because the White Male Groper’s Club has been all over the news. It seems every single day there’s someone new accusing a celebrity of sexual harassment, abuse, or something more horrifying. And you really can’t joke about it, so for a comedy show how do we talk about this shit? And even worse when it’s one of our own who’s being accused? You know what happened last week, and so we have to talk about it.

When I saw the script, Franken had written a moment when his character comes at me for a ‘kiss’. I suspected what he was after, but I figured I could turn my head at the last minute, or put my hand over his mouth, to get more laughs from the crowd.

On the day of the show Franken and I were alone backstage going over our lines one last time. He said to me, “We need to rehearse the kiss.” I laughed and ignored him. Then he said it again. I said something like, ‘Relax Al, this isn’t SNL…we don’t need to rehearse the kiss.’

He continued to insist, and I was beginning to get uncomfortable.

He repeated that actors really need to rehearse everything and that we must practice the kiss. I said ‘OK’ so he would stop badgering me. We did the line leading up to the kiss and then he came at me, put his hand on the back of my head, mashed his lips against mine and aggressively stuck his tongue in my mouth.

Read more: http://www.kabc.com/2017/11/16/leeann-tweeden-on-senator-al-franken/

Yeah… well who does like you, Al? Well this is a very fucked up situation. Because on one hand this comes as the democrats have been attacking Roy Moore hard on his stance that he’s a creepy sexual predator with a history of abuse and allegations. I mean come on, even Al’s own former show – Saturday Night Live – was making fun of this!

Al Franken was part of “Saturday Night Live” for the first half its history, from the mid-1970s through the mid-’90s, but that didn’t quite absolve him from a “Weekend Update” poke — especially since there was supporting evidence in the form of a picture (an awful one).

“So much to be thankful for this year,” began co-anchor Colin Jost last night. “Unless you’re a human woman.” Cut to a rogue’s gallery picture — which now includes the onetime Stuart Smiley, longtime show writer and now Democratic senator from Minnesota who also stands accused of groping and tonguing. (Is there a better word than “tonguing,” but one that’s equally repulsive? Please let me know.)

Jost then went straight to the setup joke everyone was waiting for, also thereby potentially leading to an answer to this question — would Franken, an OFOL (“Old Friend of Lorne”) escape the wrath of “SNL,” or would he not?

Yeah really, do you believe this shit? But despite the abuse allegations, Al is not resigning. You know the photo that’s been circulating. You’ve seen it. We don’t need to show it. But here’s the difference between Al Franken and Roy Moore:

Washington (CNN)Minnesota Democratic Sen. Al Franken has no intention of stepping down, a Franken staffer told the Star Tribune on Saturday.
A spokesperson for Franken told the Minnesota paper "no" when asked if the senator would resign in the wake of a woman saying Franken forcibly kissed her and groped her while she slept in 2006.
"He is spending time with his family in Washington, DC, and will be through the Thanksgiving holiday," the spokesperson said. "And he's doing a lot of reflecting."

Franken's office did not immediately respond to a request to confirm or clarify the spokesperson's comments to the newspaper.

The difference is Al Franken knows to keep his mouth shut. Roy Moore on the other hand – who we’ll talk about later – is going frothing at the mouth batshit crazy accusing everyone of going on a witch hunt against him! But really, the news is just coming about Al Franken, do we really need to do this now?

Al Franken gets edited out of Letterman tribute

Al Franken is being edited out. As much as possible, that is. PBS has confirmed with USA TODAY that it will broadcast an updated version of David Letterman: The Mark Twain Prize on Monday (8 p.m. ET/PT; check local listings). The ceremony was taped at the Kennedy Center in Washington on Oct. 22. "Senator Al Franken participated in the event, but will not appear substantially in the PBS program airing nationally," says a statement sent to USA TODAY by Cecily Van Praagh, WETA national programming publicist.

OK I needed that laugh. Maybe we could send a few of these guys to their own planet and let them grope each other? Maybe that’s why Elon Musk and other crazy billionaires are so interested in space exploration all of a sudden! But come on, don’t ask whether or not Al Franken should resign, as the republicans put it every time there’s a mass shooting – it’s too soon to talk about it!

Should Senator Al Franken resign following revelations of sexual harassment? Michelle Goldberg, writing in the Times, says yes, in order to preserve the momentum of “the current movement toward unprecedented accountability for sexual harassers.” Writing in the Washington Post, Kate Harding says no: as a legislator, Franken has done good things for women, and, as a repentant sexual harasser in politics, he could do even more. Both arguments clearly have merit, and both of the writers acknowledge that the opposing view is compelling. But maybe “Should Al Franken resign?” is the wrong question.

The question frames the conversation in terms of retribution, but it is not possible to hold to account every man who has ever behaved disrespectfully and disgustingly toward a woman. Nor even every senator, or every comedian. And, even if it were possible to punish every single one of them, what would be accomplished? Punishment, especially when it is delayed, is not a very effective deterrent.

And yeah that one actually is wrong! But now that you think about it… is it really OK to joke about this sort of thing? I mean when you look over the joke history of Saturday Night Live… well, it seems a lot of the jokes now aren’t so funny!

The photo that emerged last week of the senior senator from Minnesota pawing the breasts of a sleeping woman was heinous, but it wasn’t unfamiliar. Nor was the mugging grin on Al Franken’s face as he grabbed her, or his initial response that he was trying to be funny. Sexist jokes have long been considered acceptable in American culture — and not only acceptable, but funny, in a way that a certain sketch comedy show perfected.

Franken is, after all, not only a politician, but a creator of “Saturday Night Live.” He was one of the show’s first writers in 1975, and was a producer from 1985 until 1995. While there, he reportedly once pitched a skit about “60 Minutes” correspondent Andy Rooney drugging and raping Lesley Stahl. Perhaps it’s not surprising that someone who thought that rape could be appropriate material for a network TV joke also thought it would be funny to sexually assault a colleague on a USO tour, eyebrows raised, smile wide. More to the point, though, that sort of base humor is in the very DNA of SNL, where frat-boy bluster and aggressive male sexuality have been enshrined for more than four decades.

But then there’s our 45th president. You know – him. Who this week said this about Al Franken just after the news broke:

WASHINGTON — Last fall, Donald J. Trump inadvertently touched off a national conversation about sexual harassment when a recording of him boasting about groping women was made public at the same time a succession of women came forward to assert that groping was something he did more than talk about.

A year later, after a wave of harassment claims against powerful men in entertainment, politics, the arts and the news media, the discussion has come full circle with President Trump criticizing the latest politician exposed for sexual misconduct even as he continues to deny any of the accusations against him.

In this case, Mr. Trump focused his Twitter-fueled mockery on a Democratic senator while largely avoiding a similar condemnation of a Republican Senate candidate facing far more allegations. The turn in the political dialogue threatened to transform a moment of cleansing debate about sexual harassment into another weapon in the war between the political parties, led by the president himself.

Come on, Trump! Really – this is what it’s come to. Trump has attacked Al Franken, but remains silent on Roy Moore. Can we throw that tweet up there?


Al Frankenstein? Is this Frankenstein’s Monster? Or maybe it’s Young Al Frankenstein! Or maybe it’s The Son Of Young Al Frankenstein. Or maybe it’s the Son Of The Bride Of Young Al Frankenstein. Or maybe it’s Return Of The Son Of The Bride Of Young Al Frankenstein! Thank you! I’ve been waiting a week to tell that joke! Because you know, the first rule of comedy is timing! Oh and by the way he spelled Frankenstein wrong!

The first President of the United States to have boasted on tape about being so famous he could grab women “by the p*ssy” tweeted Thursday evening, “Where do [Al Franken’s] hands go in pictures 2,3,4, 5…”

This, after a conservative radio host on Thursday morning published a photo from 2006 in which Franken held his hands at her breasts as she slept on a flight they were taking from Afghanistan back to the United States after a USO tour. The former Saturday Night Live writer/performer was elected to the U.S. Senate in 2008.

Donald Trump also tweeted that Franken’s photo – here, the President calls him “Al Frankenstien” – is “really bad,” adding, “and to think that just last week he was lecturing anyone who would listen about sexual harassment and respect for women.”

I’ll just leave this here.

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[font size="8"]White Male Groper’s Club
[br] [/font]

So now that we got the news about Al Franken out of the way, let’s talk about some other serial harassers. I mean come on, this is a news comedy show, and we can’t get away from this in the news at all! I mean it’s insane. Not just every week, it seems every day there’s someone new who’s being accused of sexual harassment. The latest? Jeffrey Tambor – you know him best as George Bluth from Arrested Development, or maybe recently Maura Pfefferman of Transparent:

“Playing Maura Pfefferman on Transparent has been one of the greatest privileges and creative experiences of my life,” the Emmy winning actor told Deadline on Sunday. “What has become clear over the past weeks, however, is that this is no longer the job I signed up for four years ago,” Tambor added of his role as the lead on the Jill Soloway created show.

“I’ve already made clear my deep regret if any action of mine was ever misinterpreted by anyone as being aggressive, but the idea that I would deliberately harass anyone is simply and utterly untrue,” Tambor asserted as well. “Given the politicized atmosphere that seems to have afflicted our set, I don’t see how I can return to Transparent.”

While a stunner on one level, this move by Golden Globe winner Tambor comes as the show itself was seemingly gearing up to shuffle him off the show.

As Deadline was first to report on November 14, since the first allegation against Tambor was made by his former assistant and transgender actress Van Barnes earlier this month, there have been discussions about writing the actor’s transgender Maura character out of the show for the upcoming fifth season. With a tiny bit of wiggle room for what may be legal reasons, it seems today that Jeffrey Tambor just made those talks a reality for the writers’ room.

Oh come on, Jeff! You know the classic rule in the showbiz world is to go out while you’re on top, right!
This might not be the best time to exit, that’s all I’m saying. But you know who else has been accused of entering the groper’s club? Sly himself – that’s right – Rocky has been accused of sexual harassment!

Rocky star Sylvester Stallone denied allegations that he sexually assaulted a 16-year-old girl in the late 1980s.

The Daily Mail reported on Thursday that a 16-year-old filed a police report that alleged she had been “intimidated” into having sex with Stallone and his then-bodyguard Michael De Luca at a Las Vegas hotel in 1986. The Daily Mail published a copy of the purported police report.

A spokesperson for Stallone denied the report in a statement to the Hollywood Reporter. “This is a ridiculous, categorically false story,” Michelle Bega, the actor’s rep, said. “No one was ever aware of this story until it was published today, including Mr. Stallone. At no time was Mr. Stallone ever contacted by any authorities or anyone else regarding this matter.”

Well yeah you know I can’t people are accusing me, Rocky, of sexual harassment. And you know what I can’t believe it either. YOU WANT TO FIGHT THE FIGHT???? I’lLL FIGHT THE FIGHT!!!! You all are GREEDY AND LAZY!!! By the way, you know what? Don’t say things you won’t regret when it comes to scandals and assault. I’m looking at you, Morrissey!

Morrissey has invited fresh criticism over comments he made about Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey.

The former Smiths frontman spoke about the ongoing sexual harassment scandal in Hollywood, reportedly calling claims against Spacey "ridiculous" and arguing that definitions of harassment and assault have become too broad.

“As far as I know, he was in a bedroom with a 14-year-old. Kevin Spacey was 26, boy 14. One wonders where the boy’s parents were," he told Der Spiegel, according to a translation cited by AV Club.

You know what else doesn’t work in these situations? Logic! I mean soon there won’t be any good music, movies, books, anything if it continues! Or even media as there was a writer from the New York Times who got suspended!

The New York Times said on Monday it is suspending White House correspondent Glenn Thrush while it investigates allegations in a new report from Vox that he made unwanted sexual advances toward young women, including colleagues from his time working for POLITICO.

Three women, including the piece’s author, Laura McGann, a former editor at POLITICO, alleged forms of unwanted contact or kissing by Thrush, while a fourth described an encounter that she said was consensual but nonetheless left her feeling shaken because of Thrush’s powerful position at POLITICO at the time. The incidents, which occurred in the last five years, all involved women in their 20s, Vox reported.

We’ll get to Holy Shit in a few minutes, but the list of sexual predators keeps growing and growing, you know – like that pile of dog shit on the street outside your house:

After multiple women came forward to accuse Harvey Weinstein, the Hollywood producer, of sexual misconduct, at least 30 high-profile men in a variety of industries have also been accused. Since then, a number have resigned, been fired or experienced other fallout after claims ranging from inappropriate text messages to rape.

Here is a list of such cases that have been brought to public attention since the Weinstein scandal broke on Oct. 5. We’ll update this list periodically as we get new information.

I also have to do a mention of Charlie Rose as well – and this one is a shock. But it is what it is, and next week we will do a deep dive on this as well as what that douchebag Mike Cernovich did.

An internal memo at CBS, which announced its move first, said the decision "followed the revelation yesterday of extremely disturbing and intolerable behavior."

CBS suspended Rose shortly after The Washington Post published a 5,000-word story on Monday about alleged harassment, based on interviews with eight women who described "unwanted sexual advances."

Rose said in a statement that he "deeply apologized" for what he admitted was "inappropriate behavior."

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

There’s two things in life that are certain – death and taxes. And you can bet that since the 2016 election, the GOP’s billionaire investors have been begging and pleading for a return on their investment. And well, the GOP’s tax plan is much like that box of Omaha Steaks that’s been sitting in your freezer the last two years – the more you peel back the layers, the more you’re going to find something disgusting underneath.

White House aide Kellyanne Conway on Monday suggested Alabama voters should support embattled Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore because he would vote for the GOP's tax reform legislation making its way through Congress.

“Doug Jones in Alabama, folks, don’t be fooled. He will be a vote against tax cuts. He is weak on crime, weak on borders. He is strong on raising your taxes. He is terrible for property owners," Conway said on "Fox & Friends."

“So, vote Roy Moore?” host Brian Kilmeade interjected.

“I’m telling you that we want the votes in the Senate to get this tax bill through,” Conway said, calling Jones a “doctrinaire liberal.”

Read more: http://thehill.com/homenews/senate/361164-conway-on-moore-we-want-the-votes-to-pass-tax-reform

That’s right – the GOP controlled Congress is so dead set on giving the billionaires their precious refund that they’re courting the vote of a serial child molester like Roy Moore! Let that sink in for a minute! I mean it would be like the town from Family Guy where they have a tie breaking vote on anything, and the only guy who can cast the vote is Herbert The Pervert. But like I said the more you peel back the layers the more it stinks.

The Trump tax cuts are zipping through Congress at the legislative version of light speed. House Republicans unveiled their plan for overhauling America’s tax code on November 2; they passed it two weeks later. The Senate GOP revealed its (actual) tax bill last Tuesday; Mitch McConnell plans to vote it out of the upper chamber the week after Thanksgiving.

The frenetic pace of the GOP’s tax “reform” push has left some of the party’s own members short of breath. “You’re rewriting a tax code for a generation, and you are doing it in ten days,” Republican congressman Peter King said Thursday. “In [1986], it took two years to put together a tax reform bill.”

King’s exasperation is warranted. A couple of weeks might be enough time for legislators, policy analysts, and voters to consider the legislation’s first-order effects: Whose taxes will go up, whose will go down, and how much revenue will be lost in the process. But it’s far too brief an interval for lawmakers (let alone, the public) to comprehend the broader consequences of those changes.

Now you know that the Trump tax plan is full of shit. But really – is it acceptable for any president to attack a member of their OWN party for not being loyal enough?

President Donald Trump lashed out at Sen. Jeff Flake (R-Ariz.) after he was heard over a hot mic saying the Republican Party would be “toast” if it stuck with the president and Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore.

Trump tweeted Sunday that “Jeff Flake(y)” was “unelectable.” The president claimed that Flake was “caught (purposely) on ‘mike’ saying bad things about your favorite President.” Trump also said he expects Flake to vote against the GOP tax reform package.

Can we throw that tweet up there?


Can someone please teach Trump how to properly use quotations if he’s trying to be funny? You know Twitter might want to rethink the whole 280 characters thing. But you know this is why the rest of the world is laughing at us – think about it. We have two leaders of their own party fighting over the proper usage of the word “toast”.

Sen. Jeff Flake, a frequent sparring partner of President Donald Trump, continues to make enemies in his own party after calling the GOP "toast" while unaware he was still on a live mic.

Flake, R-Ariz., was at a tax reform event in Mesa, Arizona on Friday night when he was caught bashing the president in a conversation with friend, Mesa Mayor John Giles.

"If we become the party of Roy Moore and Donald Trump, we are toast," Flake was caught saying by ABC affiliate KNXV.

Attention Jeff Flake! Attention Jeff Flake! The GOP has already become the party of Roy Moore and Donald Trump! This tax plan is so controversial that even the guy that New Jersey elected last week is already causing fights!

TRENTON -- Incoming Gov. Phil Murphy wasted little time in igniting a feud against the only federal lawmaker from New Jersey who supported the House Republican tax bill that would curb the deduction for state and local taxes.

Murphy, a Democrat, this weekend singled out U.S. Rep. Tom MacArthur, R-3rd Dist., who backed the legislation even as the state's other four House Republicans and seven House Democrats did not.

"I don't for the life of me understand why Rep. MacArthur voted for it," Murphy told News 12 in his first sit-down television interview since winning the Nov. 7 election to succeed Republican Gov. Chris Christie. "The other four Republican congressmen did not, to their credit."

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

Our esteemed president… excuse me a minute… Donald J. Trump, this week managed to do one thing that no one in history has ever done. He managed to make a guy who’s generally perceived as unlikeable, and he managed to make them likeable. Yeah he’s the opposite of King Midas – everything he touches has the opposite effect. And I do mean by that it turns to shit. So by now you know the story of the UCLA basketball players who got arrested in China. And if there’s one guy who you don’t want to fuck with, it’s discount Michael Jordan, LaVar Ball.

(CNN)President Donald Trump on Sunday shot back at Lavar Ball, the father of one of the UCLA basketball players arrested in China, for belittling the President's role in the students' release.
"Now that the three basketball players are out of China and saved from years in jail, LaVar Ball, the father of LiAngelo, is unaccepting of what I did for his son and that shoplifting is no big deal," Trump tweeted. "I should have left them in jail!"
Later Sunday evening, the President tweeted again, saying, "Shoplifting is a very big deal in China, as it should be (5-10 years in jail), but not to father LaVar. Should have gotten his son out during my next trip to China instead. China told them why they were released. Very ungrateful!"

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Dude, you’re the president, you don’t threaten to leave private citizens in a foreign jail in a country known for egregious human rights violations! Oh and apparently he was just being sarcastic, y’all!

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump was being "rhetorical" when he said that he should have left the three UCLA basketball players arrested in China in jail, the White House said Monday.

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said Trump was "happy to intervene" on behalf of the American student athletes detained on suspicion of shoplifting, and that his tweets were "less about the players" and instead focused on one of the players' father, LaVar Ball.

Ball, a former basketball player, seemed to question Trump's role in his son's release in an interview with ESPN on Friday.

"Who? What was he over there for? Don't tell me nothing. Everybody wants to make it seem like he helped me out," Ball said of Trump.

Zapp Brannagin must take his cues from Trump! Because Trump is that guy, all he wants is your undying loyalty and you must not question dear leader! By the way, LaVar Ball was interviewed on CNN and he did not hesitate to go completely unhinged.

(CNN)On Monday night, CNN's Chris Cuomo took on a difficult task: Interviewing talker-in-chief LaVar Ball about his son's arrest in China and the role -- or lack thereof -- that President Trump played in the release of LiAngelo Ball as well as two other UCLA basketball players. LaVar Ball -- as is his reputation -- let fly some doozies about Trump and, well, almost everything else too.
Below, my favorite 39 lines from the self-described "Big Baller." (You can check out the full transcript -- and it is looooooong -- here.)
1. "It's not like he was in the US and said, OK, there's three kids in China, I need to go over there and get them? That wasn't the thought process, right?"
This is the logic that allows Ball to justify not thanking Trump for helping to secure the release of his son and two other players. Trump was already in the middle of a pre-planned trip to Asia. It's not like he flew over there to save LiAngelo Ball alone! He just talked to the president of China about it! I mean, I guess?

2. "I don't have to say, to go around saying thank you to everybody."
Boom. Nailed it.

By the way who else wants to see a Trump and LaVar Ball steel cage death match in Trump’s favorite sport – the WWE? As the late great George Carlin said – fuck cable, put this shit on Pay Per View! I would gladly pay the $49.99 to see that!

The president isn't on the list of people the Ball family is going to be thankful for this holiday.

Stephen Colbert talked about Donald Trump's weekend tweets about the UCLA basketball players and the president's beef with LaVar Ball on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.

The incident involved the UCLA basketball players shoplifting in a China mall and Trump's plea to get them release. The father of one of the players, LaVar Ball, responded to Trump's involvement in getting his son released with the Mariah Carey approach. His one-worded response didn't sit well with President Trump.

Trump tweeted he should've left the players in jail which made the late night host end the segment with "Mr. Trump, Mr. Trump. I know you're upset, but maybe now's not the time to be applying that someone's kid should go to jail for what their dad did."

Trump might need some ice for that third degree burn.

And by the way Trump fans, I know you're in a cult and you've been brainwashed into thinking that people shouldn't question Dear Leader Trump, because he is the know all, end all infinite knowledge of the universe guy, but if you're going to be angry at LaVar Ball, at least know who it is you're angry at *BEFORE* directing your misguided anger! But I do have to give props to LaVar Burton for having a sense of humor about the whole thing!

Never let spelling get in the way of a good Twitter rant.

“Star Trek” actor LeVar Burton has been receiving hate mail intended for LaVar Ball in the middle of his feud with President Trump.

“You're a has been actor with a thief for a son and Trump is the president of the United States. Get the picture?” one person tweeted.

“LaVar Burton broke the rules of good manners. He insulted our president and the president of China. He should be ashamed that his son dishonored him by stealing,” tweeted another.

Burton has laughed off the confusion.

Oh and by the way Trump fans, we're laughing *AT* you, not with you!

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Time once again to ask:

This week: The Presidential Turkey Pardon. How Is This Still A Thing? Can we please admit that in 2017, that the presidential turkey pardon is one of the stupidest traditions in American history? Especially when a giant turkey currently occupies the Oval Office? I mean what business does Trump have pardoning a turkey when he is one? And anyone remember how lavish his Thanksgiving spread was? And they call Hillary the elitist. But like one of our favorite traditions – the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest (‘Merica!!!) on July 4th, the presidential turkey pardon gets more ridiculous every year, and it really makes one wonder why the terrorists hate us. This year adds a turkey fashion show:

What makes a good presidential turkey? Showmanship. A readiness to strut his stuff and gobble on command, yet enough restraint to stay on a table for the big photo op.

So say a Minnesota turkey farmer and 4-H kids who raised the turkey that will go to the White House for an official pardon from President Donald Trump on Tuesday. It's the 70th anniversary of the National Thanksgiving Turkey tradition. Here's a little deeper look at the event and what goes into it:


White House archives show that Americans have sent presidents holiday turkeys at least since 1873 under President Ulysses S. Grant. But the National Thanksgiving Turkey dates from 1947, when the National Turkey Federation became the official supplier and presented a 47-pound gobbler to President Harry Truman. In those days the turkeys were destined for dinner.

I like that one! Excuse me a minute… By the way, if you want suggestions for a centerpiece maybe don’t ask Ivanka Trump, because at a Thanksgiving dinner, you want people to come to the table, not run away from it screaming in horror!

The lifestyle brand named after the first daughter tweeted out a blog post on Thursday featuring ideas from interior designer Allison Domonoske on how to create a memorable Thanksgiving centerpiece. But instead of being trendy and popular, the suggestions were nightmarish and widely mocked.

IvankaTrump.com called the creation a "beautiful, bold and unexpected Thanksgiving tablescape," but the internet disagreed. It not only tore apart Domonoske's concept—a giant clam shell filled with pumpkins, moss, milkweed, pine cones and driftwood—but also searched for hidden meaning in the project.

Several Twitter users noted that even the pumpkins Domonoske selected were white, linking the choice to Donald Trump's anti-immigrant rhetoric, repeated Muslim ban proposals and his perma-tanned skin. Some compared the over-the-top nature of the decoration to the president's $100 million gilded penthouse in New York City. And others simply pointed out the differences in the priorities of the first family versus everyday Americans.

Can we show that?


Yeah that doesn’t say “beautiful and unexpected”, that says “I’m going to eat your children in their sleep and give them nightmares!”. Back to the subject at hand – the presidential turkey pardon. Pundits are already speculating that this might be the weirdest Thanksgiving ever. Thanks Putin for ruining my favorite holiday for me!

Drumstick and Wishbone have been living it up in Washington, D.C. – but only one has what it takes to be the National Thanksgiving Turkey.

President Donald Trump will pardon one of the gobblers at 1 p.m. on Tuesday at the White House, as part of a tradition that may date as far back as Abraham Lincoln. This ritual will mark the 70th year the National Turkey Federation has presented the president with a turkey.

Trump will either pardon either Drumstick or Wishbone, depending on the results of a poll from the White House. (While just one will be used for the ceremony, both will be spared from the Thanksgiving table.)

The two turkeys appear to be living a life of luxury as they await the ceremony in the capital. Photos of both birds posted on the White House’s Twitter and Instagram accounts showed them staying at the Willard InterContinental Hotel, a five-star hotel just blocks away from the White House.

How about this – maybe don’t name turkeys after the food they will ultimately will become, let’s not torture the poor birds! But here’s the main difference between the democratic and republican Thanksgivings, and can you be shocked at how the other one lives? And they have the nerve to call the democrats elitist!

This is probably why it feels like we’re gearing up for a very weird Thanksgiving this year, under Trump. It’s the most American of holidays, and it’s the most humanizing of presidential celebrations, as, usually, we get to see the president doing what presidents have always done, despite their political gains and losses. But Donald Trump has already shown how awkwardly (if not offensively) he performs the least polemicized of presidential duties, like calling the family members of fallen soldiers or visiting with the victims of natural disasters. Not to mention, how he managed to make a visit from trick-or-treating children on Halloween as uncomfortable as possible.

The White House Thanksgiving is epitomized by the presidential turkey pardon in the Rose Garden, one of those bizarre, off-kilter traditions that are next-to-impossible to fully explain to foreigners, like trying to convey the meaning of a particularly wonky idiom. On Tuesday, Trump will pardon two turkeys (as usual, a chosen turkey and a back-up) though we have yet to know their names. It’s difficult to imagine this will go very smoothly for him, with his strange history with animals. Not only are his offspring famous for shooting them, Trump had that very odd and oft-memed photoshoot with a bald eagle for Time magazine (the eagle could clearly sense something was wrong). And many people have remarked that Trump is the first president in several decades not to have a dog (or cat or fish or bird), despite a member of his Palm Beach cohort seemingly rearing one (Patton) expressly for that purpose

Yes – how do you explain this to foreigners? You can’t even really explain it to children. See kids? That turkey has been fed a steady diet of hardcore steroids and growth formulas! That’s why it’s big enough to be the national turkey! But we can’t eat it! And a new study shows that Trump and turkey don’t mix:

Turkey and Trump don’t mix, and now we have the data to prove it.

Economists M. Keith Chen of UCLA and Ryne Rohla of Washington State University used location records from 10 million smartphones and precinct-level voting data to prove that Donald Trump’s election shortened Thanksgiving dinners by 62 million hours nationwide in 2016. Their working paper is currently under review by the journal Science.

The research showed that politically divided families cut their parties short by an average of 20 to 30 minutes and that Republican voters were more likely to leave parties in Democratic households than Democrats were to leave Republican ones. The partisan divide was even more pronounced in areas with heavily targeted political advertising.

Chen and Rohla started their research by using anonymized data from Safegraph, which collected more than 17 trillion smartphone location markers in November 2016. These statistics allowed “observation of actual (not self-reported) movement behavior, at extremely precise spatial and temporal levels,” they write.

And guess where Trump is having his first ever Thanksgiving dinner? We’ll give you a hint – it ain’t at the White House, that is for damn sure!

Plans appear to be underway for President Trump to spend Thanksgiving at his Mar-a-Lago estate in Florida.

The Federal Aviation Administration issued a "VIP Movement Notification" for Palm Beach, Fla., Tuesday night, flagging dates between Nov. 21 and 26 for flight restrictions.

The notices are typically issued ahead of planned visits by the president to give other pilots advanced warning of possible restrictions in a particular area.

The latest FAA notice was first reported by the Palm Beach Post.

So there you have it – a perfect storm of meat sweats, terrible Thanksgiving decorations, and an actual turkey in the White House. That’s enough to make you ask – the Presidential Turkey Pardon:

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Yes friends! Gather around friends! Pass the collection plate friends! Yay, in this darkest of times, we turn to the holiest among us. But now we must be reminded weekly that the holiest among us are full of well…

This week, we’re going to do something a bit different from our weekly nonsense of trashing the religious right. Instead, we’re going to head to Washington DC, my sons and daughters because there they are opening up a new tourist attraction!

When the Museum of the Bible throws open its bronze doors Nov. 17, it will invite the world to engage with the Great Book free.

But not everyone will get in.

Washington’s newest museum is expecting capacity crowds for its opening celebration, beginning with a formal dedication Friday and stretching through the weekend. All of the timed tickets for Saturday and Sunday have been distributed, officials said, and most weekend tickets have been snapped up through mid-December. Midweek spots are available as soon as Monday afternoon.

Advance tickets are available free on the museum website. They are not required for entry, but they will take the gamble out of a visit, officials said.

“We’re going to do everything we can” to get people in, a museum vice president, Steve Bickley, said. “But we strongly encourage tickets.”

So they do realize that giving away free tickets means that the museum is only going to lose money, am I not right about that? Never mind for it has the backing of thine billionaires! But apparently there beith a wicked bible that was printed specifically for this museum of all things holy!

The “Wicked Bible” omits one crucial word from the Seventh Commandment.

“Thou shalt commit adultery,” the Wicked Bible commands.

Definitely not the message conveyed on the stone tablets Moses brought down from Mount Sinai, according to the Book of Exodus. The Ten Commandments made liberal use of the word “NOT.”

The doozy of an error in Exodus 20:14 was discovered a full year after the King James Bible was published in 1631 in London.

And speaking of not, the Bible museum apparently has everything – because that is what THE LORD OUR GOD would want, and he is the creator of all that is holy in this world! Can I get an amen! But placing such a lavish palace of all things holy in DC is *NOT* about inserting religion into thine politics!

The leadership of the Museum of the Bible has been working hard in the run-up to this weekend’s opening to emphasize the inclusive, academic, apolitical nature of the museum, which organizers say will be the world’s largest dedicated to the Bible and sits just off the Mall.

And so its opening black-tie gala Thursday night is presenting a challenge: The $50,000-a-table fundraising event is at the Trump hotel.

Officials at the nonprofit museum say the decision was for pragmatic, scheduling reasons but some museum employees and academic consultants refused to enter the hotel affiliated with the controversial president.

Yes!!!! Because if I remember correctly GREED IS A SIN!!!! And the greediest of the greedy must be cleansed of this sin!!!!! Because that’s what the LORD OUR GOD would want, creator of all that is holy in this world! Can I get an AMEN!!!! But their might be some fakeness on their part! I mean not everything in this museum can be genuine, can it?

The Museum of the Bible finally opened its Genesis-inscribed doors Friday (Nov. 17) in Washington, D.C. But questions still linger over the authenticity of some of its star artifacts: fragments of the Dead Sea Scrolls.

The private museum is supporting research into the manuscripts to find out whether they are legitimate, 2,000-year-old scraps of the ancient Hebrew Bible or modern forgeries.

The original Dead Sea Scrolls, which make up the earliest surviving pieces of the Old Testament, were found between 1947 and 1956 in the Qumran caves of the Judean Desert. Many of the texts were sold to archaeologists through a local antiquities dealer, Khalil Iskander Shahin, who went by the name "Kando.&quot This was a time before a 1970 UNESCO convention made it illegal to dig up and sell such cultural artifacts.)

So the “actual” Dead Sea Scrolls might actually be fake? I am shocked, shocked I tell you!!! But now this question must be asked of the Bible Museum: Where beith thine Jesus?

Visitors to Washington, D.C. will now be able to add the Museum of the Bible to their sightseeing to-do lists. The museum, which cost $500 million to build and opens Friday, proclaims its purpose is, “to invite all people to engage with the history, narrative and impact of the Bible.” However, the Museum of the Bible and its founder Steve Green have been entangled in politics, making the high-tech, 430,000-foot space more controversial than it may appear. It's all part of a larger pattern of the mixing of politics and religion in spaces that are billed as being for entertainment or education.

In an interview with Philanthropy Roundtable, Green said the museum is “not evangelical. It’s more informative.” However, Green, who is the CEO of Hobby Lobby, footed the bill for the museum and is the chairman of the museum’s board. The Green family provided artifacts—while Hobby Lobby has faced legal action over the smuggling of artifacts. The museum's other controversial board members include Gregory S. Baylor, who works at Alliance Defending Freedom, a designated hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center.

Oh Jesus! I mean you have a ½ billion dollar museum dedicated to him, but does not have much mention of him! And do I dare sayeth what we are thinking about the people who fund this museum?

Eight years ago, Hobby Lobby president Steve Green found a new way to express his Christian faith. His family’s $4 billion arts and craft chain was already known for closing stores on Sundays, waging a Supreme Court fight over birth control and donating tens of millions of dollars to religious groups.

Now, Green would begin collecting biblical artifacts that he hoped could become the starting point for a museum.

On Friday, that vision will be realized when the 430,000-square-foot Museum of the Bible opens three blocks from the U.S. Capitol in what marks the most prominent public display of the family’s deep religious commitment. The $500 million museum includes pieces from the family’s collection from the Dead Sea Scrolls, towering bronze gates inscribed with text from the Gutenberg Bible and a soundscape of the 10 plagues, enhanced by smog and a glowing red light to symbolize the Nile turned to blood.

Yay, there you have it – a Bible museum funded by Hobby Lobby but without much mention of Jesus. Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That is it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Gene Simmons
[br] [/font]

We need some music for this one.

Is heavy metal music allowed here in Saudi Arabia? OK that’s good. So why am I playing I Wanna Rock And Roll All Night for this entry? Well we got to talk about Kiss frontman and your creepy uncle’s creepy uncle, Gene Simmons. You know he’s got that insane $25,000 box set coming out in the next couple of months. But would you be surprised at all to learn that Gene Simmons is a member of the White Male Groper’s Club? Well neither are we. But add him to the other Groper’s Club – Fox News, and it’s a toxic mix waiting to happen. I mean what do you have to do to get banned for life from Fox News? Other than admit you voted for Hillary? Hey o!!!

According to a report by the Daily Beast’s Lloyd Grove, who first reported the news, “Fox finally had enough of Simmons after he crudely insulted female Fox staffers, taunted them and exposed his chest, and otherwise behaved like the “demon” character he plays on stage.”

The specific instance which broke the camel’s back took place when Simmons charged into a closed 14th floor meeting at Fox and opened his shirt.

“Hey, chicks, sue me,” Simmons told the assembled staffers, according to the Daily Beast, which reported that he also joked about Michael Jackson and pedophilia and disparaged the intelligence of network employees.

Representatives for Simmons were immediately available for comment.

By the way if you’re banned for life from Fox News for some extremely creepy behavior, maybe don’t go on a European talk show for some equally creepy behavior!

Legendary hell-raiser Gene Simmons was an unlikely guest on early morning TV, and the Kiss guitarist did not disappoint in the shock stakes.

The Rock N Roll star began his interview with a war of words with host Piers Morgan, with the latter reminding him of the time he beat Gene on the celebrity version of the Apprentice.

Then Piers asked him to whip out his famous tongue - which is reportedly insured for $1 million.

Gene was initially reluctant and flatly declined, saying it would lead to scores of complaints.

But would you be shocked at all that Gene joined the coveted White Male Gropers’ Club this week as two women accused him of sexual harassment? This list just keeps growing!

When allegations began surfacing against Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein, and then later other famous men like Louis CK, Jeremy Piven, and even CBS News anchor Charlie Rose – it wasn't easy to wonder when musicians would be called out for their inappropriate behavior. We've already seen allegations against a few musicians, and today Gene Simmons has been put in the hot seat.

Simmons was banned from Fox News last week, after acting inappropriately towards some women who worked there. Shortly after being asked about the Weinstein allegations on a show, and claiming to support women, Simmons barged into a conference room, unbuttoned his shirt to expose his chest and started yelling “Hey chicks, sue me!” According to a report from The Daily Beast, "he starting telling Michael Jackson pedophilia jokes, and then bopped two employees on the head with his book, making derisive comments about their comparative intelligence according to the sound their heads made when struck." Simmons was escorted out of the building and now there is a photo of his at the front security desk, with an advisory not to be let onto the premises.

But it’s all good! Apparently Gene issued an apology to Fox News because why wouldn’t you? And this is after he promoted his column about how money buys you happiness. Does it?

Gene Simmons has issued a statement apologizing for "unintentionally" offending female staffers during his appearance on Fox News and Fox Business.

It was reported late last week that the KISS bassist/vocalist was banned for life from Fox due to lewd behavior following his appearance last Wednesday (November 15) on the right-leaning cable channels. The Daily Beast reported Simmons was on hand to promote his latest book, the financial self-help guide titled "On Power", on both "Fox & Friends" and "Mornings With Maria". Gene, who, during the "Fox & Friends" appearance, took the opportunity to aid meteorologist Janice Dean in her weather report, later on spoke frankly about the various sexual misconduct scandals in Hollywood.

Having previously boasted about his sexual appetite and decades of consensual conquests, Simmons said during the panel on "Mornings With Maria": "I'm a powerful and attractive man and what I'm about to say is deadly serious. Men are jackasses. And from the time we're young, we have testosterone. I'm not validating it or defending it. Guys need to be trained from their very, very young ages from their mothers and their loved ones that half the world's population are female, and they need to be treated with respect."

Read more at http://www.blabbermouth.net/news/gene-simmons-apologizes-for-unintentionally-offending-members-of-fox-team.html#srxCt2FP7SjJM5oT.99

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[font size="8"]Penis In The Sky
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Let’s lighten things up and talk about penises, shall we? Because we haven’t talked about sex enough this week! It’s OK to joke about penises here in Saudi Arabia, isn’t it? OK sweet! Because I am going to let the dick jokes fly in this one. And as the late great George Carlin once said, what would a comedy show be without some dick jokes? Well, specifically we go to Washington for this one, and well, it’s a huge one!

Residents of Washington state turned their eyes to a clear blue sky Thursday and found themselves staring at a cartoonish rendering of male genitalia, sketched in airplane exhaust by at least one Navy EA-18G Growler jet.

The image stretched hundreds of feet high over the Okanogan Highlands, based on photographs shared on social media. It has spawned a full Navy investigation, with a senior officer, Vice Adm. Mike Shoemaker, promising to examine the issue fully and respond.

“The American people rightfully expect that those who wear the Wings of Gold exhibit a level of maturity commensurate with the missions and aircraft with which they’ve been entrusted,” said Shoemaker, who oversees naval air operations, in a statement released by the service. “Naval aviation continually strives to foster an environment of dignity and respect. Sophomoric and immature antics of a sexual nature have no place in Naval aviation today.”

So it’s not the first time a NAVY pilot drew a dick in the sky? But it looks like this one was very poorly planned. I mean the balls don’t even match up! Can we show that?

Come on sing it with me! So I owe it all to the penis in the sky… penis in the sky!!! That’s where I’m gonna ejaculate when I die… when I die!!! I could do this all day! But did the Navy really have to ground the whole damn crew just for one stunt? I guess that’s what we call a… dick move?

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A US Navy air crew was grounded on Friday after using their advanced fighter jet to draw a giant image of a penis in the sky with the exhaust, officials said.

The incident took place in skies over Okanogan County in Washington state on Thursday, when a Navy E/A-18 Growler warplane flew the unusual air pattern.

Images of a condensed air trail in the shape of a penis immediately went viral on social media. A local television station said one mother in Okanogan County was concerned she might have to explain them to her young children.

Excuse me a minute… dick move!!!!!!!! So this was a practical joke that went bad, and apparently that type of thing doesn’t fly in the Navy. And hey that’s a double pun, damn it!

Okanogan residents told The Spokesman-Review that they saw the male genitalia deliberately being drawn in the skies above their town by a jet around noon Thursday.

Images of the drawing were quickly posted to social media, residents said, and sent around town through text message.

The Naval Air Station in Whidbey Island has claimed responsibility for the drawing, calling it “unacceptable” and “of zero training value.”

The base’s public affairs office on Friday referred questions to the Navy’s Pacific Fleet headquarters in San Diego, where Lt. Cmdr. Leslie Hubbell said the crew involved in the sky-drawing would be held accountable.

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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You know what time it is? It’s time for this!

Yes – by now you should know that people are people, and people are dumb. And who’s stupid this week? Why it’s idiots with guns! And when a gun accidentally goes off, can you be surprised at all that there’s no good guys with guns to stop the shootings from happening? Well, we go to the Volunteer State, Tennessee for this insane story.

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — A man accidentally shot himself and his wife at an east Tennessee church on Thursday while he was showing off his gun during a discussion on recent church shootings, police said.

A man in his 80s pulled out a .380 caliber Ruger handgun and said, "I carry my handgun everywhere," according to Parks.

He removed the magazine, cleared the chamber, and showed the gun to some of the men in the church. He put the magazine back in, apparently loaded a round in the chamber, and returned the gun to its holster, Parks said.

"Evidently he just forgot that he re-chambered the weapon," Parks said.


Next in People Are Dumb – the movie Borat. Yeah it’s been 10 years since that movie was in the theaters, and frat boy idiots and comedians like me *STILL* quote that movie. But if you ever actually go to Kazakhstan, maybe don’t do this! I hear they hate that movie in Kazakhstan.

(PRAGUE) — Six Czech tourists who dressed up in skimpy swimsuits made famous by Sacha Baron Cohen’s “Borat” have reportedly been detained by authorities in Kazakhstan’s capital Astana.

Sporting lime green “mankinis” and black wigs, the men had hoped to take a picture in front of the “I Love Astana” sign.

But local police took action, detaining them on Friday and fining them 22,500 tenge ($68) each for committing minor hooliganism, according to the Kazakh news website informburo.kz.

Oh and by the way, Sascha Cohen himself offered to pay the guys' legal fees in Kazakhstan, which only fueled the local's hatred for the movie!

Sacha Baron Cohen has volunteered to come to the rescue of six tourists in Kazakhstan, who were arrested for wearing “mankini” swimsuits made famous by the comedian in his 2006 movie Borat.

The Czech tourists were arrested and fined 22,500 tenge ($68) after posing for photographs in the skimpy green one-pieces in the Kazakh capital of Astana earlier this week.

Baron Cohen offered to foot the cost of their prank in a Nov. 21 Facebook post.

“To my Czech mates who were arrested. Send me your details and proof that it was you, and I’ll pay your fine,” the actor and comedian wrote , directing injuries to “arrestedforwearingyourmankini@gmail.com.”

I love that e-mail address by the way! Next up – we go to Sweden for this one. And what do you think of when you think of Sweden? I know – Swedish meatballs! Man, I love a good plate of Swedish meatballs!

Swedish meatballs are always a welcome sight on the dinner table, but less so when 20 tonnes of them block the road in front of you.

This is the spectacle that faced unwary drivers on 15 November along the Skara-Lundsbrunn road in southwest Sweden, when icy evening conditions meant that the trailer of a lorry skidded into a ditch, taking the meatball mountain with it, Skara Lans Tidning reports.

The lorry itself remained on the road, but all the meatballs needed to be first offloaded onto the carriageway before the trailer could be hauled out of the ditch.

"The trailer was heavier than the lorry itself, and it is very slippery out there," police officer Tommy Emriksson told Swedish TV.


Bork! Bork! Bork! Ah, I love the Swedish chef! Next up in People Are Dumb, we go to Utah, where this man is trying to get the name of a local high school’s mascot changed because of a truly bizarre reason!

The mythical namesake of Arizona's capital and biggest city has appeared in countless pieces of literature, on flags and in even comic books, but one Utah parent is concerned that the phoenix should not be the mascot of a new high school in his town.

Farmington High School is set to open in 2018. Kyle Fraughton, of Farmington, doesn't think phoenix should be the school's mascot because the word sounds similar to "penises" when pluralized.

Chris Williams, a district spokesman, said administrators remain confident students will mirror the reputation of the mascot.

"We don’t see anything about the plural version of phoenix having anything to do what’s going to be happening at the school or on the football field," he told Salt Lake City's Fox 13. "We think students are going to rise to the occasion."

Next up in People Are Dumb – I can kind of see why conservatives make fun of liberals for needing safe spaces, and this one really doesn’t help. Is Steve Martin’s classic SNL bit about King Tut really *THAT* offensive? Well…

Steve Martin’s seminal “King Tut” sketch is being blasted as cultural appropriation by a group of students at a prestigious liberal arts college in Oregon after the classic "Saturday Night Live" parody was played in a humanities course.

The sketch, created by Martin in 1978 to parody the hysteria and commercialization surrounding a traveling Tutankhamun exhibit, has outraged students who say the sketch is the cultural equivalent of blackface because one of the side actors emerged from a sarcophagus with his face painted gold.

"That’s like somebody … making a song just littered with the n-word everywhere,” a member of the group, Reedies Against Racism, told The Atlantic. “The gold face of the saxophone dancer leaving its tomb is an exhibition of blackface.”

Students first took issue with the video when it was played during a humanities course, which is designed for students to “to engage in original, open-ended, critical inquiry.” Students said they should not be forced to take the course until different coursework is given because the sketch is racist.

Yeah fucking seriously. I love Steve Martin, I’ve seen him perform this song live. And you know what? I wasn’t offended! Yeah don’t get offended people! Finally for People Are Dumb this week, psychopaths. Yes, psychopaths are a thing. Can you guess which musician is most popular with your average psychopath? Bet you didn’t think it was gonna be him did you!

A new study has found that psychopaths are more likely to enjoy the music of Justin Bieber.

The Washington Post reports of a recent study conducted by Pascal Wallisch, Psychology professor at New York University, and Nicole Leal, a recent NYU graduate.

The study tried to determine a correlation between music taste and psychopathy, with more than 190 NYU psychology students asked to rate their own level of psychopathy and then to rate tracks they were played.

Songs found to be more popular with those deemed more likely to be psychopaths included Bieber’s ‘What Do You Mean’, Eminem‘s ‘Lose Yourself’ and ‘No Diggity’ by Blackstreet.

Read more at http://www.nme.com/news/music/psychopaths-like-justin-bieber-2159358#GmxpW2e2QzAfg9Lv.99

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[font size="8"]World Tour Destination #23: Saudi Arabia
[br] [/font]

Part of our mission statement here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots is to show you that conservative idiocy isn’t just a problem with America. No, it’s a global problem that is stemming far and wide, and it’s not just America where conservative idiots ruin everything they touch. And if you’re thinking of moving out of the United States just because Donald J. Trump is our current president and our nation is turning to shit, you should know what it is you’re getting into should you decide that you want to leave the country. So if you want a recap of where we’ve been so far, in the last few weeks we’ve discovered that the Philippines is in the middle of a nasty civil war, India has a huge cyber crime problem, and Australia is a couple of steps away from making national gay marriage a reality. Here’s the tour schedule:

[font size="6"]Saudi Arabia[/font]

Welcome to the Middle East everybody! We’re hanging out in the Saudi Arabia capital of Riyadh, a place where Trump touched the magic orb. Yeah I don’t even know what this is but it’s pretty fucking weird. Oh , can I say the word “fuck” here? My producer is telling me it’s OK to do so. But look at all the fine Saudi gentlemen in the audience! Not a woman in sight! Can I joke about that? OK. Sorry, having a bit of a back and forth feud with my producer on what’s acceptable here. You know what’s not acceptable here unfortunately? Drinking. Yeah so we have to do this entry dry. But don’t worry, I’ve got some backup booze. So moving on. Saudi Arabia is the home of Mecca, the capital and holy city for the religion of Islam. It’s engrained in the Islamic tradition that all followers of the religion must make a pilgrimage to the holy city at least once in their lifetime. It’s also the home of the Great Mosque Of Mecca, and the great Mosque of, and I hope I am pronouncing this right – Al-Masjid an-Nabawi, a mosque that is believed to have been built by the prophet Muhammad. The capital Riyadh includes all sorts of museums and forts to visit. While other cities include Mecca, Jeddah, and of course the world’s largest airport that is being built in Riyadh. Aviation is a huge thing in the Arab worlds, because you guys are apparently the only ones who can afford those insane suites that are on most Middle Eastern airlines. But what else is the Arab holy country the home of? Well, if America doesn’t bomb the shit out of Iran, Saudi Arabia might beat us to it!

From the start, the case of the missing Lebanese prime minister strayed wildly from the mainstream of the Middle East's usual plots.

Everything that has followed Saad Hariri's sudden and reportedly forced resignation last week has struck the same startling tenor: his apparent house arrest, the Saudi Arabia-Lebanon mutual accusations of declaring war, the French president's sudden in-person intervention.

Hariri's first interview since all of this started was no exception.

Nearly 55 minutes into the interview Sunday, there was a mysterious man, caught briefly on camera, holding a piece of paper in Hariri's line of sight.

No it’s not the end of the world yet. I mean we barely made it out alive from South Korea. Hey, I know who our president is, don’t get me wrong. But Saudi Arabia is in the midst of a purge – it’s locking its’ billionaire princes in prisons, and among them is billionaire investor and real life Goldmember, Prince Alwaweed Bin Talal:

On Nov. 5, Saudi authorities arrested dozens of the kingdom’s royal, political and business elite. Security forces sequestered princes, cabinet ministers and billionaires in Riyadh’s Ritz-Carlton, as the city’s private airport was shut down to prevent escape by private jet. The detainees face various charges of corruption issued by an all-powerful commission decreed by King Salman mere hours before the arrests and headed by his son, Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman.

Among the detainees was Prince Alwaleed bin Talal, founder and owner of Kingdom Holding, global businessman, media mogul and one of the world’s wealthiest individuals. Alwaleed was joined in detention by Saleh Kamel, billionaire and owner of Dallah al-Baraka, and Walid al-Ibrahim, brother-in-law of the late King Fahd.

Since the Arab satellite revolution began in 1991, Saudi Arabia has increasingly dominated Arab television, radio, cinema, music and publishing. This month’s developments have serious implications for an already highly consolidated Arab media sphere.

Well, you wouldn’t be far off! Because let’s go over the facts. First up is the fact that Saudi Arabia wants to become a major commodities player and it will stop at nothing to achieve that.

Saudi Arabia is on its way to becoming a meaningful influence on global commodity prices. It doesn’t produce a broad array of raw materials like the U.S. or China, and it’s not a consumer on the scale of its neighbor, the United Arab Emirates. Yet the economic and political developments in the kingdom have bullish ramifications for the commodity sector and for trade flow.

The need to bolster the economy: Saudi Arabia’s economy is driven almost entirely by petroleum, which accounts for almost 90 percent of revenue. Still, crude remains at almost half its mid-2014 price, leaving the kingdom desperate to fire up its economy to buttress plummeting gross domestic product. And it is on the road to doing so.

The second is world domination – their next door neighbors are Isreal, who are in a seemingly never ending war, and Iran – who are also in a seemingly never ending war.

The head of Israel’s armed forces revealed Thursday he’s willing to work with fellow Middle Eastern U.S. ally Saudi Arabia to thwart the interests of their common foe, Iran, which has been vying for influence in the region.

In his first-ever interview with an Arabic-language newspaper, Lieutenant General Gadi Eisenkot, chief of staff of the Israeli military, said he viewed the majority-Jewish state and ultraconservative Sunni Muslim kingdom as natural allies due to their mutual enmity for revolutionary Shiite Muslim Iran. Israel has labeled Iran an existential threat, and Tehran’s growing influence across the Middle East and beyond has also outpaced Saudi Arabia’s own efforts to dominate the region, establishing an informal axis between the U.S., Israel and Saudi Arabia that’s gone largely unspoken until now.

So yeah you have war on one side and greed on the other. Gotta love that country! Am I not right, guys? Yeah that’s it! So the catalyst for World War III may not be a Donald Trump presidency after all! Instead it’s a really fucked up chess game between Saudi Arabia, Isreal and Lebannon.

In Saudi Arabia, even chess is being turned into a game of power plays and palace intrigue.

Top players around the globe are accusing the World Chess Federation of “total moral degradation” for letting Saudi Arabia host this year's world speed championship. Around 150 players plan to boycott the event, known as the King Salman World Rapid and Blitz Chess Championships, over concerns that players could face human rights abuses in the ultra-conservative Sunni Muslim nation.

But then Saudi Arabia is playing chess with the whole Middle East! Yes – they are gearing up for a major war with Yemen – never mind the wars they are already in. holy shit, that sounds just like the USA doesn’t it? Holy shit, and I thought America was the warmongering capital of the world! But hey, they’re a peaceful country! Phrasing!

The greater Middle East has experienced unprecedented political turmoil and violence in the wake of the so-called Arab Spring. The political order as we knew it was upended in 2011 and the region has not yet fully recovered from that disruption.
The resulting political and humanitarian crises have been difficult to resolve, not only for the people most affected but also for their neighbors, and the wider international community. And while countries such as Saudi Arabia have used every means at their disposal to bring an end to the violence, resolve political disputes and alleviate human suffering, others have exploited the political and security vacuums that have emerged to advance their own narrow self-interests, at the expense of the people of these countries.
Non-state actors, militant organizations, terrorist groups and state actors who routinely violate the norms, conventions and laws of international relations by interfering in the domestic affairs of other nations and by adopting policies that destabilize other countries and entire regions are largely responsible for the continuing instability.

Even Saudi Arabia’s origin story sounds like Satan is in charge. I mean talk about your fire and brimstone, this recent discovery was made!

Images taken from a helicopter flying at low altitude have shown in never-before-seen detail the mysterious neolithic structures dubbed the Saudi Arabian "Gates of Hell" and may shed more light on archaeological treasures yet to be uncovered in the Gulf kingdom.

The hundreds of 9,000-year-old structures initially baffled experts when they were seen in satellite imagery. The Stone Age walls, found built in volcanic fields in Saudi Arabia’s remote Harrat Khaybar region, were named the Gates Of Hell because their short, thick connecting piles of brick resembled barred gates when viewed from above.

[font size="6"]The Verdict & Scorecard[/font]

So I would say how I feel about Saudi Arabia, but in the interest of leaving this country with all my limbs in tact I will say:

Tourism: A
Culture: A
Political Spectrum: A
Liberal Appeal: A

Overall: A+

Now that we’re back in the states, I can tell you how I really feel:

Tourism: C
Culture: B-
Political Spectrum: F
Liberal Appeal: F

Overall: F-

[font size="6"]Next Week[/font]

We’ve got one more stop in the Middle East – we’re hanging out in Saudi Arabia’s next door neighbor, the UAE! With a live show from the world’s largest building, the Burj Al Dubai!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Queens Of The Stone Age[/font]

Ladies and… oh wait, I forget there aren’t any ladies in the audience tonight. Gentlemen, my next guest has one of 2017’s best albums. They are from a California desert town called “Palm Springs”. It’s called “Villains”. Playing their song “The Way You Used To Do”, give it up for Queens Of The Stone Age!

Wait – they want to stick around for one more? Sure!

Happy Thanksgiving everybody! See you next week! If we still live through this week that is!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: UCB Theater, Hollywood, CA
Special Thanks To: UCB Management
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

November 20, 2017

New York Times Compiled A Complete List Of Sexual Harassment Allegations Since Weinstein

After multiple women came forward to accuse Harvey Weinstein, the Hollywood producer, of sexual misconduct, at least 30 high-profile men in a variety of industries have also been accused. Since then, a number have resigned, been fired or experienced other fallout after claims ranging from inappropriate text messages to rape.

Here is a list of such cases that have been brought to public attention since the Weinstein scandal broke on Oct. 5. We’ll update this list periodically as we get new information.

Damn this is insane.
November 17, 2017

Rick Wiles: There Is A New Nazism Rising In America That Is Dedicated To Killing Christians

End Times broadcaster Rick Wiles dedicated his television program last night to urgently warning Christians that a “new Nazism” is emerging in America that will push them into ghettos and kill them.

“There is a hatred of Christianity,” Wiles warned. “The homosexuals, the leftists, the socialists, the communists, the deep state in Washington, they hate [the Bible], they’re going to team up with the Muslims, you’re going to have an alliance of God-haters that are coming together to form a new Nazism in America.”

“Right now, what we are experiencing is what the Jews experienced in the ’30s and early ’40s in Nazi Germany,” he continued. “That spirit of Nazism slaughtered millions of Jews, that spirit in here in America. Let me tell you something, it’s going to be different this time. The Christians are going to be rounded up.”

Warning that Christians are going to be ostracized and pushed into a “digital ghetto” as their rights are methodically stripped away, Wiles declared that “the ultimate desire of these people in America right now that are in high places of power in this country, the ultimate desire is to kill you. Listen to what I am saying. They are coming for you, they plan to destroy you, they plan to destroy the church, they hate Jesus Christ, they hate you, they hate your children and they are coming for you.”

Holy crap, these people are fucking nuts!!!!

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