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ProudLib72's Journal
ProudLib72's Journal
January 31, 2018

SOTU Transcripts! (Or Just About the Same)

Donnie on Democracy:

In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athen was democratic because the people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn't climb over to see what their neighbors were doing. When they fought the Parisians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.

On the founding of America:

During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. Later the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and the was called the Pilgrim's Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by Indians, who came down the hill rolling their was hoops before them. The Indian squabs carried porposies on their back. Many of the Indian heroes were killed, along with their cabooses, which proved very fatal to them. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

More here: https://www.cse.unsw.edu.au/~norman/Jokes-file/StudentBloopers.htm
January 31, 2018

Rosenstein asked for Trump to reconsider releasing Nunes memo, Washington Post reports


Washington (CNN)The Washington Post reported Tuesday evening that Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein attempted to convince the White House on Monday to block the public release of a House GOP memo of allegations about the FBI.

People briefed on the meeting said Rosenstein warned White House chief of staff John Kelly that releasing the memo could jeopardize classified information, and that FBI Director Chris Wray joined Rosenstein in the meeting, according to the Post. The reported meeting happened before the House Intelligence Committee, in a party-line vote, moved Monday evening to release the controversial four-page memo from Intelligence Chairman Devin Nunes.

The House intelligence vote places the fate of the memo in President Donald Trump's hands, giving him five days from the vote to allow or oppose its release. The White House has said Trump will consult with his national security and legal teams before deciding whether to release it.

Think twice about this, Donnie, because it could come back and bite a chunk out of your big, orange ass...
January 30, 2018

Why Would You Watch the Russian Propaganda Tonight?

Seriously, I am very well aware of the state of the Russian satellite. And for anyone who thinks they might miss someone slapping cuffs on him in front of all his "guests", think again. Nothing untoward will be allowed to happen to glorious leader.

January 28, 2018

The (Psychological) Necessity of the Wall

Even though it would be the biggest, most costly farce in the history of our country, we should not underestimate the psychological comfort the wall would provide for xenophobes.

The number one item a xenophobe requires to feel comfortable is some sort of demarcation line announcing that "This side is MINE, and that side is where you stay put". Intangible borderlines drawn on a map simply do not sit well with xenophobes. Although most will never visit the border, they need to know that there is a visible, man made object dividing US from THEM. This is especially important when they perceive "my side" to be much better than "your side". In many instances, this perception of "better" is arbitrary, and, when it comes right down to it, "better" just means "because it's mine".

The second item a xenophobe requires to feel comfortable is the safety a well constructed barrier provides. Although no barrier is impenetrable, at least a "big beautiful wall" will keep the majority of bad hombres out. Again, the vast majority of xenophobes will never personally inspect the wall to assure themselves of its effectiveness. Just as long as their leaders attest to its formidable size and strength, they will feel safe.

The final factor governing xenophobes' comfort level is the ability to control ingress into "their side". While letting "others" into their side never feels quite right, it is sometimes necessary (maybe for trade or diplomacy). The wall allows entry only at certain points. Those points of entry are heavily guarded, and the scrutiny each visitor undergoes before being able to pass ensures only those worthy enough are allowed access. It is always a good idea to make entry into what is "mine" as tedious and painful as possible so that these foreigners understand they are here temporarily.

And so, you see, in order for the xenophobes rest easy, we have to build a wall. What is a mere $25 billion (for starters) if it means the minority of our citizens feel comforted?

January 19, 2018

Asked the Wife What She Would Do If I Gave Her a Magazine with My Pic on Cover

pulled down my pants and asked her to spank me with it. She said she would tell me to put the magazine in the bathroom and use it for toilet paper.

Note: I did not include the offer of remuneration in the sum of $130K for said spanking, and I believe that could have had an impact on her answer.

January 14, 2018

Does Anyone Else Have a Bad Feeling about MLK Day?

It's a day rife with opportunity for the big turd to say awful things. You know his deplorable base are eagerly awaiting the racist message that undermines all that MLK stood for.

January 14, 2018

Do Grade Schools Still Do President's Physical Fitness Tests?

And, if they do, have they added the "Beautiful cake eating" segment to the test?

tRump's recent physical has made me ponder the meaning and relevance of the test that we all so fondly recall from our childhood.

I remember those tests. Usually they included sit ups, push ups, and chin ups. I also remember thinking about how my president wanted me to be physically fit so I could accomplish great things. But now I'm reconsidering all that.

I mean, really, folks, how can there be a president's physical fitness test when tRump is morbidly obese and eats 10,000 calories a day? Does anyone here honestly believe tRump could do more than, say, five sit ups over a period of a week? How about all those push ups? Sorry Donnie, but bringing a Big Mac up to your mouth does not count as a push up. Are we going to change "push ups" to "golf cart hops", as in "How many times can you hop up from a golf cart in 60 seconds?"

More than that, I no longer believe my president cares what kind of physical shape I'm in. He certainly doesn't want me to have access to decent healthcare. I guess as long as I am able to maintain a semi-upright position on my potato chip crumb infested sofa and watch Faux and Fiends, I should be deemed 100% fit. Because, let's face it, that is the physical shape tRump aspires to.

January 12, 2018

$100 bucks says that, in a month, you will remember "Shithole" fondly

If he even has handlers anymore, they must have him on one of those retractable training leashes that allow waaaaaaay too much freedom. Now that "shithole" is being normalized by the GOP and Faux Nooze, look for increasingly worse presidential sputum to be hocked on our country.

January 11, 2018

Obama right now

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