Fritz67
Fritz67's JournalMore Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Peace Through Non-Incumpenentguu
Peace Through Non-IncumpenentguuYeah, not all that much worse than anything else he's ever said. You know things are going bad for The Orange Antichrist when he's getting so senile and demented, and Joe Biden's economy is doing so well, that the "liberal" media is actually starting to report on Trump being incoherent and the economy doing well. They're reporting those things grudgingly, of course, because the news guys want their horse race and their bosses want more big dumb tax cuts, but it may be starting to seep in.
So howsabout we go down Route 66* for a look at the latest in MAGA Doublethink?
*-Because it's the 66th installment of this irregular series, of course!
The Evergrowing But Only On One Side Democrat vs GOP Pervert Tally
* Degenerate Perverts Unfit For Public Life: Cal Cunningham, John Conyers, Andrew Cuomo, John Edwards, Katie Hill, Elliot Spitzer, Anthony Wiener; Great Americans Who Believe In Family Values And Deserve A "Mulligan" or Two Or Three: Ali Alexander, Tim Ballard ., Joe Barton, Brad Benson (NEW!), Shawn Bergstrand, Mike Bickle ., John Bizon, Lauren Boebert, Anthony Bouchard, Luke Bowen, Jared Micheal Boyce, Aaron Brink , David Byrd, Herman Cain, Scotty Campbell, Tucker Carlson, Madison Cawthorn, Lee Chatfield, Joshua Craft, Larry Craig, Chris DeJoseph, Steve DesJarlais, Tudor Dixon, Jeff Duncan, Bobby Dyer, Joe Fain, Jerry Falwell Jr and the entire staff of Liberty University, Phillip Fisher Jr. (NEW!), Mark Foley, Trent Franks .,Matt Gaetz, Will Gardner, Ben Gibson, Newt Gingrich, Phil Godlewski , Marjorie Taylor Greene, Eric Greitens, Joe Gruters, Rudy Guiliani, Adam Hageman, Sean Hannity, Gabrielle Hanson ., Dennis Hastert, Rocky Hayes, Charles Herbster, Curtis Hill, Perry Hooper Jr., Duncan Hunter, Jeff Jansen, Daryl Johnson , Alex Jones, Gym Jordan, Randy Gene Kaufman, Brett Kavanaugh, Bernard Kerik, Joel Koskan, Nathan Larson, Anton Lazzaro, Corey Lewandowski, Rush Limbaugh, Nancy Mace (NEW!), Josh Mandell, Bud Marty May, Vance McAllister, Randy McNally, John Merrill, Jason Miller (NEW!), Roy Moore, Brad Namdar, Walt Nauta (NEW!), Jonathan Newel, Kristi Noem, Bill O'Reilly, Carl Paladino, Frank Pavone, Charles Peruto, Dennis Prager , Lawrence Ray, Tom Reed, Matthew Reilly , Kevin Rinke, Rick Roeber, Chad Micheal Salsman, Bill Sanderson, Mark Sanford, George Santos, Matt Schlapp , Cameron Sexton, Alek Skarlatos, Melvin Slack, Bryan Slaton, Ken Starr(!!!), Kent Stermond, Sarah Stogner, Roger Stone, David Stringer, Charles Sutherland, Van Taylor, Clarence Thomas, David Todeschini, Donald Trump, Ruben Verastigui, David Vitter, Aaron von Ehlinger, Marty Decole Wagner , Herschel Walker, Jesse Watters (NEW!), Steve Wynn, Christian and Bridget Ziegler (NEW!) (#32, Feb. 2018)
Reposts and Updates:
Well, Democrats did quite well in the 2023 offyear elections. You know what tthat means...
* "There is a mandate" = Republicans won the last election, no matter how small the vote margin (or even if they didn't actually get the most votes). "Be bipartisan and don't overreach" = Democrats won the last election, no matter how large the vote margin. (#18, April 2015)
I thought about this one on Veterans Day when somebody posted something under Trump's name (I don't think it was actually him because there weren't enough all-caps words and he didn't call veterans "losers and suckers")
* Bill Clinton was a draft dodger for not serving in Vietnam. But it was okay for John Bolton, Pat Buchanan, George W. and Jeb Bush, Dick Cheney, Tom Delay, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, Dan Quayle, Willard Mitt Romney, Tom Tancredo, Clarence Thomas, and Donald Trump to not go. (#1, November 2010)
And of course, the recent release of more Jeffrey Epstein documents reminds us...
* Relevant: Jeffrey Epstein hung out with Bill Clinton a few times. Irrelevant: Jeffrey Epstein's twenty-year friendship with Donald Trump (#40, Sept 2019)
* Antifa attacked the US Capitol to overthrow an election that they won, which is why Trump wants to pardon them. (#50, Aug 2021)
* Jay Ashcroft, George HW Bush, George W Bush, Jeb Bush, Peter Doocy, Jerry Falwell Jr, Steve Forbes, Matt Gaetz, Connie Mack IV, Meghan McCain, Rand Paul, Willard Mitt Rmoney, Sarah Sanders, and Donald Trump are all self-made people and don't owe their success to anyone else's prior accomplishments. (#10, Nov. 2012)
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* While Republicans have spent the last few decades complaining about "absent fathers", when men actually spend time with their children Republicans think it's bad.
* Shortages of food and toilet paper and the most significant single-quarter contraction in over 70 years = "the greatest economy in our history" . Three years of solid job growth and an unemployment rate of 3.7%: Things are terrible and need to be "fixed".
Just another entry in the "And they think Joe Biden is the mentally addled one?" list
* It's a completely normal and healthy thing to mourn the death of your sister by whining on social media about being held to account for your many crimes.
* Teenagers always do what their parents tell them to.
* Your birth name is Rafael Edward, but prefer to go by "Ted". You want to make it illegal for people to use "preferred" names.
* You complain about Biden supposedly "weaponizing" the Department of Justice, the FBI, and the CIA, while simultaneously demanding the Department of Justice investigate a newspaper for writing a column critical of Donald Trump's totalitarian tendencies.
* Republican politicians don't have to obey Congressional subpoenas, but the children of Democratic politicians do.
* Not only is Santa Claus white, he also insists on whole milk.
* THE OPEN BORDER IS THE GREATEST CRISIS THAT HAS EVER FACED AMERICA!!! But it's not important enough to do anything about it if it means Joe Biden and Democrats could take any credit for it.
* Murdered schoolchildren are something you should "get over" in a few days, as opposed to seething with rage three years later over an election you lost.
* You support book banning except when YOUR books get banned.
* The presidential candidate who's been indicted four times, found liable of sexual assault, stole classified documents and (probably) sold them to Russia, and tried to overthrow our government is the candidate of law and order.
* Recovering a half billion dollars from rich tax cheats is bad.
* Democrats are pedophiles and Republicans protect children from pedophiles.
Just a sample: Here is the data from the latest 6375 cases, as of Jan 15, 2024 .
Religious Employment: 536 Transgender: 4 Drag Queen: 0
* Aborting a fetus even when it's going to be brain dead and/or kill the woman carrying it is still murder. Shooting immigrants coming across the border and killing them is not.
Until next time!
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Unspeakable Hypocrisy
So since the last exciting episode, Kevin McCarthy became the first Speaker of the House in history to be forcibly removed from office for being insufficiently dedicated to the House Terrorist Caucus's dedication to destroying the United States of America. They then promptly installed a soft-spoken nobody as Speaker of the House...though he clearly prefers to be thought of as Grand Wizard of the Happy Peoples Free Republic of Gilead. Yay.
So howasabout chapter sixty five in my occasional look at the dysfunctional worldview of right wing doublethink?
The Evergrowing But Only On One Side Democrat vs GOP Pervert Tally
* Degenerate Perverts Unfit For Public Life: Cal Cunningham, John Conyers, Andrew Cuomo, John Edwards, Katie Hill, Elliot Spitzer, Anthony Wiener; Great Americans Who Believe In Family Values And Deserve A "Mulligan" or Two Or Three: Ali Alexander, Tim Ballard (NEW!), Joe Barton, Shawn Bergstrand, Mike Bickle (NEW!), John Bizon, Lauren Boebert (UPDATED AGAIN!), Anthony Bouchard, Luke Bowen, Jared Micheal Boyce, Aaron Brink , David Byrd, Herman Cain, Scotty Campbell, Tucker Carlson, Madison Cawthorn, Lee Chatfield, Joshua Craft, Larry Craig, Chris DeJoseph, Steve DesJarlais, Tudor Dixon, Jeff Duncan (NEW!), Bobby Dyer, Joe Fain, Jerry Falwell Jr and the entire staff of Liberty University (ADDED!), Mark Foley, Trent Franks (NEW!),Matt Gaetz, Will Gardner, Ben Gibson, Newt Gingrich, Phil Godlewski , Marjorie Taylor Greene, Eric Greitens, Joe Gruters, Rudy Guiliani, Adam Hageman, Sean Hannity, Gabrielle Hanson (NEW!), Dennis Hastert, Rocky Hayes, Charles Herbster, Curtis Hill, Perry Hooper Jr., Duncan Hunter, Jeff Jansen, Daryl Johnson , Alex Jones, Gym Jordan, Randy Gene Kaufman, Brett Kavanaugh, Bernard Kerik, Joel Koskan, Nathan Larson, Anton Lazzaro, Corey Lewandowski, Rush Limbaugh, Josh Mandell, Bud Marty May, Vance McAllister, Randy McNally, John Merrill, Roy Moore, Brad Namdar, Jonathan Newel, Kristi Noem, Bill O'Reilly, Carl Paladino, Frank Pavone, Charles Peruto, Dennis Prager , Lawrence Ray, Tom Reed, Matthew Reilly , Kevin Rinke, Rick Roeber, Chad Micheal Salsman, Bill Sanderson, Mark Sanford, George Santos, Matt Schlapp, Cameron Sexton, Alek Skarlatos, Melvin Slack, Bryan Slaton, [link:https://crooksandliars.com/2021/07/ken-starr-s-ex-mistress-reveals-what|Ken
Starr](!!!), Kent Stermond, Sarah Stogner, Roger Stone, David Stringer, Charles Sutherland, Van Taylor, Clarence Thomas, David Todeschini, Donald Trump, Ruben Verastigui, David Vitter, Aaron von Ehlinger, Marty Decole Wagner , Herschel Walker, and Steve Wynn (#32, Feb. 2018)
And there's already been discussion about a pool to see how long it is until Mike Johnson joins this list.
Reposts and Updates:
Just remember this as the Republicans bleat about "strong defense" and "supporting the military":
* "Supporting the Troops": Blocking military promotions over unrelated social issues and making the Secretary of Defense work for free. (#62, Apr 2023)
* You're a patriotic, pro-military (but never served) Republican who calls our soldiers "woke" and "emasculated". (#49, May 2021)
* "Supporting The Troops" means calling them liars and denying them health care. while giving each other fist bumps. (#61, Mar 2023; #57, Sept 2022)
* Terrorist attacks (even successful ones) during a Republican administration proves we need strong, Republican leadership to fight terrorism. Terrorist attacks (even unsuccessful ones) during a Democratic administration prove we need strong, Republican leadership to fight terrorism. (#1, Nov 2010)
And this when they say they "support Israel":
* Criticizing Israel's treatment of Palestinians is anti-Semitic. Calling Jews evil, blood-drinking monsters with space lasers who want to replace whites with inferior brown people is not anti-Semitic. (#49, May 2021)
* The best way to keep America safe: cozy up to autocrats like Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un and terrorists like the Taliban and Hezbollah while alienating democracies and long-time allies like Canada, France, Germany, the UK, Japan, and Denmark (#34, Aug 2018)
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D) could not open an impeachment inquiry without a vote in the House, but (then) Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R) can.
* Alex Jones is too broke to pay the libel judgments against him, and that's proven by the fact he can only spend $93,000 a month on personal expenses.
Practically verbatim from Jeff Tiedrich:
* There should be no laws or restrictions on guns whatsoever, unless it's Hunter Biden, in which case he should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law for a minor infraction.
* A man who claims that Barak Obama is running for President in 2024 and that Joe Biden started World War II despite not having being born yet can call anyone else "cognitively impaired".
* When a "family values" Republican Congresswoman gets caught groping her boyfriend (who is not the husband she's divorcing) in public, it's clearly the media's fault.
* You criticize John Fetterman's fashion sense while showing dick pics and reading pornography during public hearings.
* Not important: Donald Trump trying to overthrow democracy and stealing classified documents. Important: World Naked Bike Ride.
* You would never vote for someone with a weird, foreign name like Barack Hussein Obama or Ilhan Omar, but have no problem voting for people with proper American names like Piyush Jindal and Nimarata Randhawa.
* The fact that Democrats are calling on Bob Menendez to resign while Republicans are ignoring or supporting Donald Trump and Lauren Boebert proves that both parties are the same.
Verbatim from Daily Kos's Bill in Portland Maine:
* Aid for rural folks who have fallen on tough times is helping real Americans pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Aid for urban folks who have fallen on tough times is encouraging inner-city moochers.
* You're angrier about Jamaal Bowman pulling a fire alarm than you are about George Santos's fraud, theft, and money laundering.
* It's Joe Biden's fault that our golf players suck.
* It's the Democrats' fault that we almost had the kind of government shutdown that only happens when Republicans run the House of Representatives.
* You court the votes of fictional cannibal serial killers.
* It's Joe Biden's fault that Ted Cruz and Rand Paul and others of the "national security" party put holds on the nominations of ambassadors and security officials.
From a comment on Crooks and Liars:
* It's perfectly normal for 8 Republicans to remove Speaker McCarthy, but it's treason for 20 Republicans not to support Gym Jordan for Speaker of the House.
* You're totally against porn unless it's helping a Family Values Republican? get elected.
* "Small Government": Banning "sex of any kind outside the marriage of one man and one woman."
* You disown your war veteran family member because Chickenhawk Sean Hannity doesn't like him.
* You don't believe in gay marriage, trans rights, and abortion because they aren't "Christian", instead preferring the "Creation Therapy" theory devised from the writings of the great Christian philosopher Hippocrates.
* Corruption on the Supreme Court is good.
Until next time!
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Finding Out
There's an old saying that goes "Fuck around and find out"..in a bit of irony, at least according to Quora, "It was originally a saying in pro 2nd amendment, libertarian and biker circles."
Two and a half years ago the Proud Boys and Trump fans (but I repeat myself) fucked around. And now they're finding out
So anyway, time for another of my sporadic compilations (No.64) of right wing cognitive dissonance and doublethink.
The Democrat vs GOP Pervert Tally
* Degenerate Perverts Unfit For Public Life: Cal Cunningham, John Conyers, Andrew Cuomo, John Edwards, Katie Hill, Elliot Spitzer, Anthony Wiener; Great Americans Who Believe In Family Values And Deserve A "Mulligan" or Two Or Three: Ali Alexander, Joe Barton, Shawn Bergstrand, John Bizon, Jayson Boebert, Lauren Boebert (UPDATED AGAIN!), Anthony Bouchard, Luke Bowen, Jared Micheal Boyce, Aaron Brink , David Byrd, Herman Cain, Scotty Campbell, Tucker Carlson, Madison Cawthorn, Lee Chatfield, Joshua Craft, Larry Craig, Chris DeJoseph, Steve DesJarlais, Tudor Dixon, Bobby Dyer, Joe Fain, Jerry Falwell Jr, Mark Foley, Matt Gaetz, Will Gardner, Ben Gibson, Newt Gingrich, Phil Godlewski , Marjorie Taylor Greene, Eric Greitens, Joe Gruters, Rudy Guiliani, Sean Hannity, Adam Hageman, Dennis Hastert, Rocky Hayes, Charles Herbster, Curtis Hill, Perry Hooper Jr., Duncan Hunter, Jeff Jansen, Daryl Johnson (NEW!), Alex Jones, Gym Jordan, Randy Gene Kaufman, Brett Kavanaugh, Bernard Kerik, Joel Koskan, Nathan Larson, Anton Lazzaro, Corey Lewandowski, Rush Limbaugh, Josh Mandell, Bud Marty May, Vance McAllister, Randy McNally, John Merrill, Roy Moore, Brad Namdar, Jonathan Newel, Kristi Noem, Bill O'Reilly, Carl Paladino, Frank Pavone, Charles Peruto, Dennis Prager (NEW!), Lawrence Ray, Tom Reed, Matthew Reilly (NEW!), Kevin Rinke, Rick Roeber, Chad Micheal Salsman, Bill Sanderson, Mark Sanford, George Santos, Matt Schlapp, Cameron Sexton, Alek Skarlatos, Melvin Slack, Bryan Slaton, Ken Starr(!!!), Kent Stermond, Sarah Stogner, Roger Stone, David Stringer, Charles Sutherland, Van Taylor, Clarence Thomas, David Todeschini, Donald Trump, Ruben Verastigui, David Vitter, Aaron von Ehlinger, Marty Decole Wagner (NEW!), Herschel Walker, and Steve Wynn (#32, Feb. 2018)
Reposts and Updates:
* You mistrust the Coronavirus vaccine (developed during the Trump Administration!) endorsed by the entire medical establishment, and instead trust horse dewormer, silver that turns your skin blue, eating dirt, injecting ozone up your ass, or literally drinking their own piss if they're endorsed by Fox News and a few cranks with Youtube channels. (#51, Oct 2021)
* Enslavement, lynchings, and segregation were "gifts" (#40, Sept 2019)
* Democrats are the ones voting fraudulently. (#50, Aug 2021)
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* The best way to fight allegations of corruption is to make it harder to investigate your crimes.
* You keep decrying "cancel culture" while now wanting to cancel Disney, Target, and Chik-Fil-A.
* The Covid vaccine will kill everybody by May 23, 2023.
* No one is above the law unless he's deeply loved by the voters you're trying to convince to support you.
* Donald Trump convinced Saudi Arabia to cut oil production back when he was president, so it's Joe Biden's fault gas is more expensive than it should be.
* It's Joe Biden's fault that a bunch of billionaires died while joyriding to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean.
Personally, I think it's hilarious that the company that did the expensive joyride is called OceanGate Expeditions. The "scandal" has named itself!!!
* Mount Rushmore is a demonic portal.
Well, yeah, sure. It has those RINOs Abe Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt on it, right? And no Donald Trump!!!
* You're offended by Buddhist imagery in a Chinese restaurant.
* To counter criticism that Republicans don't care about safety, you support proposals to allow roads to be made of radioactive waste.
I mean, if the roads glow in the dark, that means they're safer, right?
Verbatim from Mastodon:
* Selling a cake to a gay person is participating in the marriage, but selling a gun to a shooter isn't participating in a murder.
* Only people with children should vote.
* You show your July 4th patriotism by posting the Liberian flag.
* Newest threat to America: The Barbie Movie.
* Latest capital crime: Flying a rainbow flag.
* You worry about drag queen story hours "sexualizing children", but are fine with child beauty pageants.
* Antisemitism is clearly the fault of those who fight antisemitism.
* It's Chuck Schumer's fault that a Republican Senator is throwing a fit and preventing military promotions.
Until next time!
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Simply The Worst
The late music legend Tina Turner had a song called "Simply the Best". And she was the best. In a sort of tribute to her, the title of this look into the world of right wing hypocrisy is called, appropriately enough, "Simply the Worst". Because Donald Trump, Ron DeSantis, and Kevin McCarthy are, indeed, the worst.
(Heh. My spellcheck doesn't like "DeSantis", and wants to correct it to "dentist". Look, I know one of those people is a sadist who enjoys inflicting pain on people and claiming it's for their own good, but the other one is there to help you take care of your teeth and doesn't deserve the comparison.)
(No. 63 in an occasional series. Collect them all until I restart with a cynical new No.1 just to temporarily goose sales!)
Reposts and Updates:
* Women < Children < Guns (#62, Apr 2023)
There's a virtual bumper crop of new perverts for this list!
* Degenerate Perverts Unfit For Public Life: Cal Cunningham, John Conyers, Andrew Cuomo, John Edwards, Al Franken, Katie Hill, Elliot Spitzer, Anthony Wiener; Great Americans Who Believe In Family Values And Deserve A "Mulligan" or Two Or Three: Ali Alexander (NEW!), Joe Barton, Shawn Bergstrand (NEW!), John Bizon, Jayson Boebert, Lauren Boebert (UPDATED), Anthony Bouchard, Luke Bowen, Jared Micheal Boyce (NEW!), Aaron Brink , David Byrd (NEW!), Herman Cain, Scotty Campbell (NEW!), Tucker Carlson, Madison Cawthorn, Lee Chatfield, Joshua Craft (NEW!), Larry Craig, Chris DeJoseph, Steve DesJarlais, Tudor Dixon, Bobby Dyer, Joe Fain, Jerry Falwell Jr, Mark Foley, Matt Gaetz, Will Gardner, Ben Gibson, Newt Gingrich, Phil Godlewski , Marjorie Taylor Greene, Eric Greitens, Joe Gruters, Rudy Guiliani, Sean Hannity, Adam Hageman, Dennis Hastert, Rocky Hayes, Charles Herbster, Curtis Hill, Perry Hooper Jr., Duncan Hunter, Jeff Jansen, Alex Jones, Gym Jordan, Randy Gene Kaufman, Brett Kavanaugh, Bernard Kerik, Joel Koskan, Nathan Larson, Anton Lazzaro, Corey Lewandowski, Rush Limbaugh, Josh Mandell, Bud Marty May, Vance McAllister, Randy McNally, [link:https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2021/4/7/2024873/-In-a-span-of-hours-Alabama-Republican-goes-from-denying-an-affair-to-apologizing-for-it|John Merrill, Roy Moore, Brad Namdar, Jonathan Newel, Kristi Noem, Bill O'Reilly, Carl Paladino, Frank Pavone, Charles Peruto, Lawrence Ray, Tom Reed, Kevin Rinke, Rick Roeber, Chad Micheal Salsman, Bill Sanderson, Mark Sanford, George Santos, Matt Schlapp, Cameron Sexton (NEW!), Alek Skarlatos, Melvin Slack, Bryan Slaton (NEW!), Ken Starr(!!!), Kent Stermond, Sarah Stogner, Roger Stone, David Stringer, Charles Sutherland, Van Taylor, Clarence Thomas, David Todeschini, Donald Trump (UPDATED!!!!), Ruben Verastigui], David Vitter, Aaron von Ehlinger, Herschel Walker, and Steve Wynn (#32, Feb. 2018)
* No right to privacy: Women and their own body parts. Absolute right to privacy: Supreme Court Justice blatantly taking bribes from a billionaire. (#56 , July 2022)
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* You justify expelling two members of the Tennessee Legislature over gun reform protests by comparing them to the January 6th insurrection even as you decry arresting and punishing the actual January 6th insurrectionists.
The "Law and Order" party, everyone!!! And also...
* Being a member of the "Law and Order" party means pardoning murderers if they killed protesters you don't agree with and supporting a sex abuser.
* You whine about greedy, overpaid workers while collecting a $1.29 million bonus.
* You're worried about necromancers corrupting our children.
* "Basically Normal Stuff": Internet posts full of anti-Semitic, homophobic, and racist threats of violence.
* Tucker Carlson fights pedophiles.
* Roy Wood hates black people.
Of course, that was said by a Cuban who was born in Canada and hates Latinx immigrants, so take that as you will.
* You're offended when fictional alien robots, who don't reproduce sexually anyway, identify as nonbinary.
When you're doing something so bigoted that Megatron won't agree with it, you really need to rethink your life.
* Ron DeSantis fighting with Disney is good for Florida.
* Drag queens are disgusting perverts and pedophiles except when they date prominent "Family Values" Republican politicians.
* Raising the debt ceiling when a Republican is president: routine matter. Raising the debt ceiling when a Democrat is President: hostage situation.
* You hate being called anti-Semitic, but when someone tries to actually fight anti-Semitism you deride it as wanting to "go after conservatives".
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Indicated Edition
Donald Trump has been 'indicated'. Probably spat out his covfefe when he heard.Oh yeah, he's been indicted too. That's probably the one that's going to cause him more problems.
Best of all? It happened two days ago, so it's NOT an April Fools Day joke!
Speaking of fools, time for another of my occasional lists of right wing doublethink while we're enjoying the spectacle.
(No. 62 in an occasional series.)
Reposts and Updates:
Six whole days went by from my last list until it became time to update this one:
* Degenerate Perverts Unfit For Public Life: Joe Biden, Cal Cunningham, John Conyers, Andrew Cuomo, John Edwards, Al Franken, Katie Hill, Elliot Spitzer, Anthony Wiener; Great Americans Who Believe In Family Values And Deserve A "Mulligan" or Two Or Three: Joe Barton, John Bizon, Jayson Boebert, Lauren Boebert, Anthony Bouchard, Luke Bowen, Aaron Brink , Herman Cain, Tucker Carlson, Madison Cawthorn, Lee Chatfield, Larry Craig, Chris DeJoseph (NEW!), Steve DesJarlais, Tudor Dixon, Bobby Dyer, Joe Fain, Jerry Falwell Jr, Mark Foley, Matt Gaetz, Will Gardner, Ben Gibson, Newt Gingrich, Phil Godlewski , Marjorie Taylor Greene, Eric Greitens, Joe Gruters, Rudy Guiliani, Sean Hannity, Adam Hageman, Dennis Hastert, Rocky Hayes, Charles Herbster, Curtis Hill, Perry Hooper Jr., Duncan Hunter, Jeff Jansen, Alex Jones, Gym Jordan, Randy Gene Kaufman, Brett Kavanaugh, Bernard Kerik, Joel Koskan, Nathan Larson, Anton Lazzaro (UPDATED!), Corey Lewandowski, Rush Limbaugh, Josh Mandell, Bud Marty May , Vance McAllister, Randy McNally (NEW!), John Merrill, Roy Moore, Brad Namdar, Jonathan Newel, Kristi Noem, Bill O'Reilly, Carl Paladino, Frank Pavone, Charles Peruto, Lawrence Ray, Tom Reed, Kevin Rinke, Rick Roeber, Chad Micheal Salsman, Bill Sanderson, Mark Sanford, George Santos, Matt Schlapp, Alek Skarlatos, Melvin Slack, Ken Starr(!!!), Kent Stermond, Sarah Stogner, Roger Stone, David Stringer, Charles Sutherland (NEW!), Van Taylor, Clarence Thomas, David Todeschini, Donald Trump, Ruben Verastigui, David Vitter, Aaron von Ehlinger, Herschel Walker, and Steve Wynn (#32, Feb. 2018)
And one for the indictment:
* A rich white man being held accountable for his crimes by due process of the law and Constitution is exactly the same thing as being murdered by a hate-filled racist mob. (#41, Oct 2019)
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* Tap water makes people gay.
* Offensive to Christian Values™ : Sex education. Not offensive to Christian Values™ : Becoming a grandmother at age 36.
* It's clearly Joe Biden's fault that the Republican Congress and the Republican president deregulated the banks in 2018, leading to the collapse of Silicon Valley Bank.
* Empathy is bad.
Not that we're surprised by this, but it's nice--and a bit unnerving--to see them so openly admit it.
* Never ever negotiate with terrorists, except when doing so will help a Republican win an election.
* It's shocking and vulgar that disabled people wear undergarments.
* Demanding to have everyone who's investigating you removed from their jobs is a sign of innocence.
* Women < Children < Guns
* "Supporting the Troops": Blocking military promotions over unrelated social issues.
* Children need to be protected from books, but not guns.
* It must be a witch hunt when Donald Trump gets indicted for exactly the kind of crimes he loudly bragged on tape about committing.
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Konservative Kancel Kulture Edition
Yeah, it's funny. Republicans like to call people things like "snowflakes" for speaking out against ridiculous things like the indiscriminate murder of minorities by the authorities, throwing children in cages, homophobia, transphobia, and trying to overthrow the United States government. They cry "cancel culture!!!" and "First Amendment!!!" when a C-grade actor get fired for making outrageous anti-Semitic tweets or a cartoonist gets dropped by his syndicate for open racism. Meanwhile, they turn around and try to fire Jimmy Kimmel and punish the Disney company for saying things they don't like. And they're mad that M&Ms in tennis shoes aren't hot enough to arouse the ardor of prissy frozen food heirs.
They're mad at private companies (Lucasfilm, Andrews McMeel, M&M Mars), which never seems to happen when companies are poisoning their employees, robbing their customers, or refusing to pay living wages. But if companies act like there might be human beings who aren't white, cisgender male, Christian, heterosexual, and rich, and the GOP'll use their government power to silence those who don't obsequiously parrot the right wing party line. And say it's in the name of the "First Amendment" the whole time.
You know, that whole "[N]o law...abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press" thing.
(No. 61 in an occasional series.)
Reposts and Updates:
I checked. The last time this entry missed the list was back in February 2020 (#42). So if you think it doesn't miss this list very often...you're right.
* Degenerate Perverts Unfit For Public Life: Joe Biden, Cal Cunningham, John Conyers, Andrew Cuomo, John Edwards, Al Franken, Katie Hill, Elliot Spitzer, Anthony Wiener; Great Americans Who Believe In Family Values And Deserve A "Mulligan" or Two Or Three: Joe Barton, John Bizon, Jayson Boebert, Lauren Boebert, Anthony Bouchard, Luke Bowen, Aaron Brink , Herman Cain, Tucker Carlson, Madison Cawthorn, Lee Chatfield, Larry Craig, Steve DesJarlais, Tudor Dixon, Bobby Dyer, Joe Fain, Jerry Falwell Jr, Mark Foley, Matt Gaetz, Will Gardner, Ben Gibson, Newt Gingrich, Phil Godlewski , Marjorie Taylor Greene, Eric Greitens, Joe Gruters, Rudy Guiliani, Sean Hannity, Adam Hageman, Dennis Hastert, Rocky Hayes (NEW!), Charles Herbster, Curtis Hill, Perry Hooper Jr., Duncan Hunter, Jeff Jansen, Alex Jones, Gym Jordan, Randy Gene Kaufman, Brett Kavanaugh, Bernard Kerik (NEW!), Joel Koskan, Nathan Larson, Anton Lazzaro, Corey Lewandowski, Rush Limbaugh, Josh Mandell, Bud Marty May , Vance McAllister, John Merrill, Roy Moore, Brad Namdar, Jonathan Newel, Kristi Noem, Bill O'Reilly, Carl Paladino, Frank Pavone (NEW!), Charles Peruto, Lawrence Ray (NEW!), Tom Reed, Kevin Rinke, Rick Roeber, Chad Micheal Salsman, Bill Sanderson, Mark Sanford, George Santos (NEW!), Matt Schlapp, Alek Skarlatos, Melvin Slack, Ken Starr(!!!), Kent Stermond (NEW!), Sarah Stogner, Roger Stone, David Stringer, Van Taylor, Clarence Thomas, David Todeschini (NEW!), Donald Trump, Ruben Verastigui, David Vitter, Aaron von Ehlinger, Herschel Walker, and Steve Wynn (#32, Feb. 2018)
* There's nothing wrong with fourteen year olds getting married. (#37, March 2019)
* Gay marriage is bad, child marriage is just fine. All to protect from pedophiles, of course. (#54, May 2022)
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
Almost verbatim from Jeff Tiedrich:
* A degenerate wresting coach, a sex trafficker, and a check-forging fraud are exactly the right people to suggest reforms to the Office of Congressional Ethics.
* "Populist agenda": Protecting rich tax cheats.
* A Republican intentionally stealing hundreds of classified documents, lying about it, and whining to get them back when the FBI confiscates them: No big deal. Nothing to see here. A Democrat finds a handful of misplaced classified documents and immediately returns them to the National Archives: MAJOR SCANDAL!!!! GIGANTIC CRIME!!!
* Unimportant issues: Republicans threatening democracy and the economy. Important issues: Are aliens real?
* "Fair Tax": The poor pay more, the rich pay less.
* "Fiscal Responsibility": Gutting Social Security and Medicare, raising taxes on the poor while slashing them on the rich, defaulting on the debt, and crashing the world economy.
* Crushing its citizens in medical debt is one of the ways America is the best country in the world.
* Institutional racism does not exist, which is why teaching history that makes white people look bad must be prohibited.
* You're mad that a Chinese balloon violated our air space AND that we shot it down.
* Latest crime that should be punishable by potential death: Throwing snowballs.
* You show how much you love America by wanting to tear it to pieces.
But then again, this is a Family Values™ Republican going through a messy divorce, so we know how much her declarations of love really mean, don't we?
* James Inhofe retired after catching a disease that doesn't really exist.
* "Supporting The Troops" means giving each other fist bumps when blocking veteran's health care.
* Joe Biden stole the 2020 election, but he was also already President in 2020.
* Trump advisor Kellyanne Conway has room to call out any other President for "lying".
* You think Bill Gates and Anthony Fauci are putting mind controlling computer chips in everybody through the Covid-19 vaccine, and are a big fan of Elon Musk, who openly wants to put chips in people's brains.
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Face-Eating Leopard Caucus Edition
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Catching the Face Eating Leopard By Its Tail EditionSo we got a great show of the kind of leadership we expect from today's Republican party: taking fifteen ballots, the most since before the Civil War, to elect a Speaker of the House. And what a Speaker it is: Kevin McCarthy, a nakedly ambitious economic royalist and fascist--but he's a Republican, so that's redundant--who was nevertheless not extreme enough for the House Face-Eating Leopard Caucus until he knuckled under their list of demands: good committee assignments, the threat to crash the world economy, a "kick me" sign on his back, and probably having to pick up Matt Gaetz's girlfriends from junior high to boot.
Good luck, Kev. You're gonna need it. There's no way the Face-Eating Leopard Caucus will eat your face in the future. They promised they'd quit after they ate your nose after all. Pay no attention to Marjorie Taylor Greene spreading barbecue sauce on your ears.
(No. 60 in an occasional series.)
Reposts and Updates:
Believe it or not, I had my first update for this one the very same day I posted the last list
* Degenerate Perverts Unfit For Public Life: Joe Biden, Cal Cunningham, John Conyers, Andrew Cuomo, John Edwards, Al Franken, Katie Hill, Elliot Spitzer, Anthony Wiener; Great Americans Who Believe In Family Values And Deserve A "Mulligan" or Two Or Three: Joe Barton, John Bizon, Jayson Boebert, Lauren Boebert, Anthony Bouchard, Luke Bowen, Aaron Brink , Herman Cain, Tucker Carlson, Madison Cawthorn, Lee Chatfield, Larry Craig, Steve DesJarlais, Tudor Dixon, Bobby Dyer, Joe Fain, Jerry Falwell Jr, Mark Foley, Matt Gaetz, Will Gardner, Ben Gibson, Newt Gingrich, Phil Godlewski , Marjorie Taylor Greene, Eric Greitens, Joe Gruters, Rudy Guiliani, Sean Hannity, Adam Hageman, Dennis Hastert, Charles Herbster, Curtis Hill, Perry Hooper Jr., Duncan Hunter, Jeff Jansen, Alex Jones, Gym Jordan, Randy Gene Kaufman, Brett Kavanaugh, Joel Koskan, Nathan Larson, Anton Lazzaro, Corey Lewandowski, Rush Limbaugh, Josh Mandell, Bud Marty May , Vance McAllister, John Merrill, Roy Moore, Brad Namdar, Jonathan Newel, Kristi Noem, Bill O'Reilly, Carl Paladino, Charles Peruto, Tom Reed, Kevin Rinke, Rick Roeber, Chad Micheal Salsman, Bill Sanderson, Mark Sanford, Matt Schlapp (NEW!), Alek Skarlatos, Melvin Slack, Ken Starr(!!!), Kent Stermond (NEW!), Sarah Stogner, Roger Stone, David Stringer, Van Taylor, Clarence Thomas, Donald Trump, Ruben Verastigui, David Vitter, Aaron von Ehlinger, Herschel Walker, and Steve Wynn (#32, Feb. 2018)
* Stopping drug smugglers is now bad. (#50, Aug 2021)
Well, c'mon, it's Boebert. She's probably worried about her own suppliers being affected.
* You're a billionaire "Free Speech Absolutist" for racists, transphobes, and seditionists, but not for your own employees, people who make fun of you, and journalists who accurately cover your screw-ups. (#57, Sept. 2022)
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* Dictionairies are bad.
* Donald Trump Jr. has the room to call anyone on Earth "spoiled rich kids who never had to survive in the real world."
I mean, "takes one to know one" is the only way that works.
* Brexit was good for the UK economy.
* Trump couldn't release his taxes because of the audits he wasn't actually under.
* You accuse all LGBTQ+ people of being pedophiles and "groomers", but don't support laws designed to help combat actual child sexual abuse.
Matt Gaetz and Roy Moore have to be breathing a little easier now.
* Nobody cares about what happened on January 6, 2021.
* Failing to elect a Speaker of the House is a sure sign that Republicans will govern competantly.
* The Republican inability to elect a Speker of the House after multiple votes is clearly the fault of the media.
* New Crime: Journalism While Black.
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Runoff Erection Edition
Well, since last time we dodged a lot of bullets that were lined up against us in the 2022 midterms: we lost the House of Representatives, but not by much, and after the Georgia "Runoff Erection" we actually expanded our Senate majority by one. Naturally, fearing that she would be far less relevant, Kyrsten Sinema threw a tantrum and left the Democratic Party because otherwise people might not care what she wants anymore.
Oops...Matt Gaetz heard the phrase "runoff erection" and it got his attention. Calm down, Congressman, I'm not an underage girl.
Anyway, time for the fifty-ninth look into the cognitive dissonance of people who thought that TV doctors and mentally addled football players endorsed by a crooked, syphilitic game show host were just the people we need in the United States Senate.
Reposts and Updates:
Because the Family Values™ Crowd just. Can't. Stop.
* Degenerate Perverts Unfit For Public Life: Joe Biden, Cal Cunningham, John Conyers, Andrew Cuomo, John Edwards, Al Franken, Katie Hill, Elliot Spitzer, Anthony Wiener; Great Americans Who Believe In Family Values And Deserve A "Mulligan" or Two Or Three: Joe Barton, John Bizon, Jayson Boebert, Lauren Boebert, Anthony Bouchard, Luke Bowen, Aaron Brink (NEW!), Herman Cain, Tucker Carlson, Madison Cawthorn, Lee Chatfield, Larry Craig, Steve DesJarlais, Tudor Dixon, Bobby Dyer, Joe Fain, Jerry Falwell Jr, Mark Foley, Matt Gaetz, Will Gardner, Ben Gibson, Newt Gingrich, Phil Godlewski (NEW!), Marjorie Taylor Greene, Eric Greitens, Joe Gruters, Rudy Guiliani, Sean Hannity, Adam Hageman, Dennis Hastert, Charles Herbster, Curtis Hill, Perry Hooper Jr., Duncan Hunter, Jeff Jansen, Alex Jones, Gym Jordan, Randy Gene Kaufman, Brett Kavanaugh, Joel Koskan, Nathan Larson, Anton Lazzaro, Corey Lewandowski, Rush Limbaugh, Josh Mandell, Bud Marty May (NEW!), Vance McAllister, John Merrill, Roy Moore, Brad Namdar, Jonathan Newel, Kristi Noem, Bill O'Reilly, Carl Paladino, Charles Peruto, Tom Reed, Kevin Rinke, Rick Roeber, Chad Micheal Salsman, Bill Sanderson, Mark Sanford, Alek Skarlatos, Melvin Slack, Ken Starr(!!!), Sarah Stogner, Roger Stone, David Stringer, Van Taylor, Clarence Thomas, Donald Trump, Ruben Verastigui, David Vitter, Aaron von Ehlinger, Herschel Walker, and Steve Wynn (#32, Feb. 2018)
And because all of the country's other problems are solved, the QAnon Congress concentrates on the most important issue of our time:
* Scandal: Hunter Biden's laptop and "lucrative business deal" in Ukraine. Not A Scandal: Donald Trump Jr, Eric Trump, and Ivanka Trump's lucrative business deals in Ireland, India, Indonesia, Uruguay, Turkey, the Philippines, China, etc. (#41, Oct. 2019)
* You're a billionaire "Free Speech Absolutist" for racists, transphobes, and seditionists, but not for your own employees and people who make fun of you. (#57, Sept. 2022)
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* You're a person who lives in New York and you're mad because someone from Illinois refused to endorse someone who lives in New Jersey for the Pennsylvania Senate seat.
* When face with the youngest voters massive rejection of your party, you want to raise the voting age or make them leave the country instead of, you know, adopting policies that might make the young vote for you.
* Nancy Pelosi and Joe Biden's future leadership must be questioned after their party outperformed expectations in the 2022 midterms. Mitch McConnell's leadership for failing to recapture the Senate in the 2022 midterms doesn't need to be questioned.
While we're at it...
* Eighty year old Joe Biden and eighty-two year old Nancy Pelosi are too old to continue to serve in public office. Eighty-nine year old Chuck Grassley isn't.
And speaking of Mitch McConnell...
* You're a white man legally married to an Asian woman and voted against a bill protecting interracial marriage.
* Martians are totally real, and Ben Shapiro is an expert on what they think about human social issues. While we're at it, vampires and werewolves are real too, and would vote for Herschel Walker.
* The best way to fight inflation is investigating Hunter Biden.
* Republicans are tough on sex traffickers.
Making another Matt Gaetz joke would be too easy.
* You're a right wing commentator and have absolutely no idea why a shooter would target the LGTBQ+ people you call evil groomers and sick pedophiles for mass murder.
* You supported a man that lives in Texas for the Georgia Senate seat.
* The United States should be more like that paragon of human rights, Qatar.
* You celebrate Twitter's alleged restoration of "free speech" by trying to get everyone who might disagree with you mass banned.
* You're tired of everyone calling you a racist, anti Semite, and white supremacist, but refuse to condemn racists, anti Semites,, and white supremacists.
These next two are basically from the same story:
* Republicans are the party that venerates the Constitution more than Democrats.
* Suspending the Constitution is a "Centrist" Republican view.
* It's troubling and confusing that Jewish leaders dislike someone who had a well-publicized dinner with vocal anti-Semites.
* Women have abortions in the bathrooms where they work.
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Vote Like Your Democracy Depends On It
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Vote Like Your Democracy Depends On It Because It Does
So it's almost time for another midterm election.
What are our choices?
What have we gotten from the Democrats?
Covid more or less under control. Economic stimulus. Infrastructure upgrades. Protection for the marginalized and minorities. Student debt abatement. Free and fair elections in a democratic republic.
And from the Republicans?
We get lectures about corruption from Donald Trump, warnings about pedophilia from Matt Gaetz, preaching about the sanctity of marriage from Marjorie Taylor Greene, and scary talk about immigration from Ted Cruz. And of course we get told that there's no problem that can't be solved by giving Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos another tax cut and allowing rich demagogues and prissy religious leaders to make all the decisions.
Strikes me as a pretty clear choice.
But then again, gas prices are still too high, so maybe we should try fascism instead, right?
(No. 58 in an occasional series.)
Reposts and Updates To Remind You Of Why You Vote:
* The Republican politicians who tried to overturn the 2020 election are completely right when they say Democrats are the ones who "hate democracy". (#56, July 2022)
* You want to strike a blow against "meanness" by voting for the party of racists, homophobes, misogynists, pedophiles, and warmongers. (#55, June 2022)
* You're a free black man who legally married a white woman, and claim to be a "Constitutional originalist." (#56, July 2022)
* Russia was the embodiment of evil when it was a repressive, authoritarian dictatorship allegedly in the name of Communism; Russia is the last great hope of the civilized world now that it's a repressive, authoritarian dictatorship allegedly in the name of Christianity. (#56, July 2022)
* Being a member of the "Law and Order" Party also means threatening riots unless someone who tried to whip up a mob to murder his own Vice President to overthrow our government and then stole a bunch of top secret documents goes Scott free. (#48, Mar 2021)
* Abortion should be decided by the states, which is exactly why we also need a national abortion ban. (#56, July, 2022)
* Life is sacred and precious from the moment of conception until the moment of birth. (#5, July 2011)
* You are against the right to an abortion. You are also against everything that would reduce the number of abortions: birth control, sex education (both of which would reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies), and government funded health care and aid services (which would help the women who choose to deliver and possibly keep the children). The only acceptable solution to abortion is for them sluts to keep their legs closed--the involvement of anyone else in creating the pregnancy is irrelevant. (#5, July 2011)
* It was completely Joe Biden's fault when gas was over $5 a gallon, but he gets no credit for the price going back down. Especially since low gas prices are actually bad anyway. (#57, Sept. 2022)
* You prove how patriotic you are and how much you love America by wanting to legalize espionage against it. (#57, Sept. 2022)
* It's "completely unfair" for the government to forgive student loan debt, but not that of companies owned by "free market" Republicans. (#57, Sept. 2022)
* You're offended when someone makes a speech against fascism and for democracy. (#57, Sept. 2022)
* In fact, you're so offended by being called a violent domestic terrorist you threaten violence against the President of the United States. (#57, Sept. 2022)
Ted Cruz being a hypocrite. Must be a day ending in a "y"...
* Republicans deserve credit for the infrastructure bills that they all voted against. (#52, Jan 2022)
* You scream for federal disaster aid when your state catches fire, drowns in a hurricane, deep freezes, gets slammed by an oil spill, or demolished by tornadoes, but when it happens somewhere else in the country you vote against federal disaster aid. (#19, July 2015)
And the one you know is always going to be frequently updated:
* Degenerate Perverts Unfit For Public Life: Joe Biden, Cal Cunningham, John Conyers, Andrew Cuomo, John Edwards, Al Franken, Katie Hill, Elliot Spitzer, Anthony Wiener; Great Americans Who Believe In Family Values And Deserve A "Mulligan" or Two Or Three: Joe Barton, John Bizon, Jayson Boebert, Lauren Boebert, Anthony Bouchard, Luke Bowen, Herman Cain, Tucker Carlson, Madison Cawthorn, Lee Chatfield, Larry Craig, Steve DesJarlais, Tudor Dixon, Bobby Dyer, Joe Fain, Jerry Falwell Jr, Mark Foley, Matt Gaetz, Will Gardner, Ben Gibson, Newt Gingrich, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Eric Greitens, Joe Gruters, Rudy Guiliani, Sean Hannity, Adam Hageman (NEW!), Dennis Hastert, Charles Herbster, Curtis Hill, Perry Hooper Jr., Duncan Hunter, Jeff Jansen, Alex Jones, Gym Jordan, Randy Gene Kaufman (NEW!), Brett Kavanaugh, Joel Koskan (NEW!), Nathan Larson, Anton Lazzaro, Corey Lewandowski, Rush Limbaugh, Josh Mandell, Vance McAllister, John Merrill, Roy Moore, Brad Namdar, Jonathan Newel, Kristi Noem, Bill O'Reilly, Carl Paladino, Charles Peruto, Tom Reed, Kevin Rinke, Rick Roeber, Chad Micheal Salsman, Bill Sanderson, Mark Sanford, Alek Skarlatos, Melvin Slack, Ken Starr(!!!), Sarah Stogner, Roger Stone, David Stringer, Van Taylor, Clarence Thomas, Donald Trump, Ruben Verastigui, David Vitter, Aaron von Ehlinger, Herschel Walker, and Steve Wynn (#32, Feb. 2018)
And one for Herschel Walker:
* Abortion is an absolute wrong even in cases of rape, incest, or to protect the life of the woman carrying the fetus. Abortion is permissible when the woman carrying the fetus is the wife, mistress, or daughter of a pro-life, family values Republican politician.(#10, Nov 2012)
* For the Pennsylvania Senate seat, you support a Turkish national who lives in New Jersey and quack TV doctor who used to torture and murder puppies and stabbed his sister over the state's current Lieutenant Governor. (#55, June 2022)
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* Donald Trump has the room to call anyone else in the world "fat", "phoney", and "whiny" or "Nasty, wrong", and "ill-informed".
I mean, "Takes one to know one" is the only way this works.
* You harass shooting victims and transgender people, but insist, as a Family Values Republican™ that you deserve privacy during your messy divorce from the husband you cheated on multiple times.
* One of the signs of Trump being a strong leader was the way he bowed to pressure from a prissy talk show host.
* Bad way to spend government money: Helping Ukraine defend itself from an invasion by a totalitarian dictatorship. Good way to spend government money: Spy on Aretha Franklin for forty years.
* Your "Ideal Christian" (besides Trump) is a dictator who murders his enemies with polonium and slaughters innocent civilians so he can illegally annex their country.
* For the Georgia Senate seat, you support the "Good Christian" who has five kids with five different women and paid for abortions over the actual Baptist preacher.
* You don't condemn an attempted political assassination that put an 82 year old man in the hospital, but do condemn stressed-out students petting cats.
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Lawless and Disorderly Edition
Hey, remember the old days, when the Republicans claimed to be the "law and order" party? Hah. It's probably always been a lie, what with Nixon's goons breaking into the Watergate hotel, hundreds of Reagan Administration officials being indicted, and Dubya doing nothing to an adviser outing a secret agent, but boy, hasn't the mask come off in the age of Trump? Violating the Emoluments Clause every day of his administration, extorting a foreign ally for personal political favors, provoking a mob of terrorists to try to murder his own Vice President, and stealing a bunch of top secret documents...let's face it, what the Republicans really stand for, as always, is "Democrats have to follow the law to the letter, but if a Republican does it it isn't illegal."
So time for List Number 57 in my occasional looks into conservative doublethink.
Reposts and Updates:
Practically verbatim from Bree Newsome on Twitter:
* The police are an incorruptible force when it comes to patrolling Black neighborhoods, but also the top law enforcement agency in the nation is corrupt in its investigations of Trump. (#32, Feb 2018)
* You're all for "law and order" until somebody starts investigating corrupt things Republicans have done. (#32, Feb 2018)
* Being a member of the "Law and Order" Party also means threatening riots unless someone who tried to whip up a mob to murder his own Vice President to overthrow our government and then stole a bunch of top secret documents goes Scott free. (#48, Mar 2021)
* Abortion should be decided by the states, which is exactly why we also need a national abortion ban. (#56, July, 2022)
Holy cow this list is getting big. And what a surprise which side is bigger, right?
* Degenerate Perverts Unfit For Public Life: Joe Biden, Cal Cunningham, John Conyers, Andrew Cuomo, John Edwards, Al Franken, Katie Hill, Elliot Spitzer, Anthony Wiener; Great Americans Who Believe In Family Values And Deserve A "Mulligan" or Two Or Three: Joe Barton, John Bizon, Jayson Boebert, Lauren Boebert, Anthony Bouchard, Luke Bowen (NEW!), Herman Cain, Tucker Carlson, Madison Cawthorn, Lee Chatfield , Larry Craig, Steve DesJarlais, Tudor Dixon (NEW!), Bobby Dyer, Joe Fain, Jerry Falwell Jr, Mark Foley, Matt Gaetz, Will Gardner, Ben Gibson, Newt Gingrich, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Eric Greitens, Joe Gruters, Rudy Guiliani, Sean Hannity, Dennis Hastert, Charles Herbster, Curtis Hill, Perry Hooper Jr. (NEW!), Duncan Hunter, Jeff Jansen, Alex Jones (NEW!), Gym Jordan, Brett Kavanaugh, Nathan Larson, Anton Lazzaro , Corey Lewandowski , Rush Limbaugh, Josh Mandell, Vance McAllister, John Merrill, Roy Moore, Brad Namdar, Jonathan Newel, Kristi Noem, Bill O'Reilly, Carl Paladino, Charles Peruto, Tom Reed, Kevin Rinke (NEW!), Rick Roeber, Chad Micheal Salsman, Bill Sanderson, Mark Sanford, Alek Skarlatos (NEW!), Melvin Slack (NEW!), Ken Starr(!!!), Sarah Stogner, Roger Stone (NEW!), David Stringer, Van Taylor, Clarence Thomas, Donald Trump, Ruben Verastigui, David Vitter, Aaron von Ehlinger, Herschel Walker, and Steve Wynn (#32, Feb. 2018)
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* A clear sign of being a humble man of God is wanting to award yourself the Congressional Medal of Honor.
* Gays and their supporters are "groomers" and pedophiles, but there is no need to criminalize human trafficking.
I mean, of course not. How else will Matt Gaetz find dates?
* Polio is a liberal hoax just like Covid.
* Twerking is evil. Sending unsolicited dick pics is not.
* "Supporting the troops" means calling them liars and denying them health care.
* It was completely Joe Biden's fault when gas was over $5 a gallon, but he gets no credit for the price going back down. Especially since low gas prices are actually bad anyway.
* Invoking the Fifth Amendment is a sign of guilt, except when Donald Trump does it. Then it's a sign that he's innocent and has nothing to hide, but the Deep State is on a witch hunt and persecuting him.
Hey, you know who didn't invoke the Fifth Amendment? Hillary Clinton.
* You prove how patriotic you are and how much you love America by wanting to legalize espionage against it.
* You're angrier about Joe Biden riding a bicycle than you are about Donald Trump stealing top secret documents.
Joe should have worn a tan outfit while riding that bicycle. That really would have pissed Newsmax off.
* Debates on Thursday are bad because of all the Sunday football games.
Yeah. He said that. And a bare minimum of 40% of the people in Georgia are still going to vote for that guy.
* It's "completely unfair" for the government to forgive student loan debt, but not that of companies owned by "free market" Republicans.
* Being angry about debts being forgiven is the sign of being a Good Christian.
* You're a billionaire "Free Speech Absolutist" for everyone except union organizers in your own factories.
* You're offended when someone makes a speech against fascism and for democracy.
* In fact, you're so offended by being called a violent domestic terrorist you threaten violence against the President of the United States.
* Latest criminal offense: Watering Flowers While Black.
* It's only proper for a network that has two former Trump press secretaries on their payroll to criticize MSNBC for hiring Jen Psaki.
* A good way to raise your appeal to young voters is to physically assault them.
Profile Information
Gender: MaleMember since: Thu Jun 23, 2005, 10:16 PM
Number of posts: 353