Fritz67
Fritz67's JournalMore Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: BIG BEAUTIFUL JOURNAL!!!
SO A MARINE WITH TEARS IN HIS EYES CAME UP TO ME AND SAID "SIR! SIR! WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO POST ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR YUGELY SUCCESSFUL JOURNALS?" THE PEOPLE NEED ANOTHER JOURNAL FROM YOUR FAVORITE WRITER (ME)! ABOUT HOW DUMB DONALD TRUMP (LOSER) AND THE FAILING REPUBLICAN PARTY (YUGELY FAILING) AND ALL OF THE PEDOPHILES (REPUBLICANS) AND PERVERTS (MORE REPUBLICANS) LIVE IN A POORLY EDUCATED WORLD (YUGELY WRONG!) FULL OF FAKE NEWS (REAL FAKE NEWS, NOT THE REAL NEWS ABOUT FAILING DONALD TRUMP AND HIS ENORMOUS CANKLES (BUT NOT HIS TINY HANDS, BECAUSE THEY'RE REALLY TINY)) WHY HASN'T THIS JOURNAL BEEN GIVEN EVERY NOBLE PRIZE BY NOW (SO UNFAIR)!?! THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION IN THIS MATTER!!!
(Geez...just doing that for one paragraph broke my brain...No. 72 in an occasional series.)
More Family Values™ Republicans Eligible To Be Appointed To Government By Donald Trump:
Kyle Travis Colton
RJ May
David McKeown
Cory Mills
George Nader
John Paulson
Ken Paxton
Scott Soucek
Lawrence Taylor
Ryan Walters
I've previously posted the entire list to date, but it's become so large and unwieldy, from now on I'm only posting the additions. I will still post the entire list in the first column every year from now on. You can see the full list as of January 2025 here
More Reposts and Updates:
* You think mail-in voting is dangerous and potentially fraudulent except when you do it. (#44, July 2020)
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* A rogue Marine Colonel who illegally sold missiles to the America-hating state of Iran in the 1980's was to be commended. When the same former Colonel says Iran shouldn't have missiles now he should also be commended.
* A conservative, pro-life Republican Congresswoman with a difficult pregnancy nearly dying from anti-abortion laws passed by conservative, pro-life Republicans is clearly the fault of the left.
^More "party of personal responsibility" I guess...
* You're more concerned about the alleged mental decline of a man who has been a private citizen for the last eight months than you are with the publicly obvious mental and physical decline of the man who is president of the United States right now.
* Dozens of people die because the National Weather Service has been decimated by bullshit job cuts, therefore the problem is clearly still too many "bureaucrats" working there.
* "Truth, Justice, and the American Way" = "Too Woke"
^I mean, what, do they think the Krypton he came from was Krypton, Kentucky?
But then again, these are the same people that think Star Trek (created by an atheist, and featured on-the-nose parables of the stupidity of racism as well as TV's first interracial kiss) and Star Wars (the heroes fight an evil, racially homogeneous Empire inspired by the fall of the Roman Republic and the antics of Richard Nixon) were somehow bastions of conservatism until just recently.
* Loyal, hand-picked minions of Donald Trump can be believed when they say that the Jeffrey Epstein client list doesn't exist and Donald Trump definitely isn't on it.
* You support "at will" employment, but cry, whine, and fund-raise when you're fired for proudly admitting you're a fascist.
* Donald Trump has to step in and send the FBI to Washington DC because the city is overrun with a historically low crime.
* You're furious when Gavin Newsom posts all-caps Tweets filled with poor vocabulary, childish insults, and creepy AI images of him being adored by dead heroes.
I don't even need to say any more on that one, do I?
* Mid-decade redistricting to gerrymander more seats for your party is only bad when Democrats do it.
* You're more angry about Cracker Barrel changing its logo than you are dead schoolchildren.
Until next time...
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: The Big Fugly Presidency
So how have things been going since the last one of these stupid little lists?
Elon Musk firing everybody in all of the government agencies that either don't benefit him personally or, worse, might inconvenience him?
The House of Representatives passing a Big Fugly Reverse Robin Hood Bill robbing from the poor to give to the rich?
Trump getting openly and blatantly bribed by Qatar and crypto creeps?
An economy that, six months ago, was the envy of the world going completely to shit?
…
So pretty much what we expected, right?
(No. 71 in an occasional series.)
More Family Values™ Republicans Eligible To Be Appointed To Government By Donald Trump:
Justin Eichorn
Aaron Craig Gleason
Dom Lucre
Andrew Quentin Taake
I've previously posted the entire list to date, but it's become so large and unweildy, from now on I'm only posting the additions. I will still post the entire list in the first column every year from now on. You can see the full list as of January 2025 here
More Reposts and Updates:
* Jay Ashcroft, George HW Bush, George W Bush, Jeb Bush, Buckley Carlson, Peter Doocy, Jerry Falwell Jr, Steve Forbes, Matt Gaetz, Connie Mack IV, Meghan McCain, Rand Paul, Willard Mitt Rmoney, Sarah Sanders, and Donald Trump are all self-made people and don't owe their success to anyone else's prior accomplishments. (#10, Nov. 2012)
* You're a billionaire "Free Speech Absolutist" for racists, transphobes, and seditionists, but not for your own employees, people who make fun of you, journalists who accurately cover your screw-ups, advocates of politican candidates you oppose, and advertisers who AREN'T giving you money. (#57, Sept. 2022)
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* Donald Trump firing the leadership of the FAA and the aviation safety committee a week before a deadly plane crash means that Barack Obama and dwarves were responsible for the crash.
Almost verbatim from Andy Borowitz on Bluesky:
* You strenuously protested when a Black guy you claimed was born in Africa was spending your tax dollars, but are strangely silent now that a white guy who was definitely born in Africa is doing it.
The Tea Party, who strenuously protested when a Black guy they claimed was born in Africa was spending their tax dollars, are strangely silent now that a white guy who was definitely born in Africa is doing it
— The Borowitz Report (@borowitzreport.bsky.social) 2025-02-04T19:32:28.666Z
Similarly...
* Lazy Mexican immigrants are destroying America by stealing our jobs. Elon Musk is saving American by stealing all the data in the Department of Treasury and firing everyone in the federal government.
* "Improving government efficiency": Completely wasting a half billion dollars' worth of food.
* You agree with Donald Trump that an incomprehensibly bad and unfair terrible energy deal with Canada was signed by...er...Donald Trump.
* It's infuriating that other countries respond to Trump's dumb tariffs by fighting back with tariffs of their own.
* Lowest unemployment in half a century, surging GDP, inflation down: "worst economy since the Great Depression"
* The January 6 Riot was a false flag operation from vicious, America-hating members of Antifa, which is why Donald Trump pardoned them all.
* Hillary Clinton's mismanagement of emails: tremendous, unforgiveable breach of security. Pete Hegseth using a civilian messaging app to share sensative war plans where a journalist could see it: no big deal.
While we're at it, I'll just add this here with no further comment:
Waltz and staff used Gmail for government communications, officials say.
* Empathy is a weakness. How dare people laugh at Elon Musk's pain.
* Stuff was too expensive in 2024, and people should stop complaining about the fact that it's even more expensive now.
Kudlow: "Buying cheap goods is not a real prosperity, and we don't have to accept that. So you lay the law down, that's all. Look, all the badly behaving children in Asia and elsewhere are coming home to papa. They're all on the phone begging for mercy."
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar.com) 2025-04-04T20:57:18.055Z
* A man of Cuban ancestry is totally correct to reduce diversity at the State Department.
* The (Republican) president doesn't actually have to follow the Constitution that he swore to "preserve, protect and defend".
* The Pope isn't Catholic enough for you.
Practically verbatim from Paul Krugman:
* Masks are bad and un-American if worn to fight a pandemic. Marks are good if worn by people claiming to be government agents when they kidnap people off the street.
So let me get this straight: masks are bad and un-American if worn to fight a pandemic, but good if worn by people claiming to be government agents when they kidnap people off the street
— Paul Krugman (@pkrugman.bsky.social) 2025-05-10T15:06:22.465Z
* Newest crime: Reporting about the corrupt things Donald Trump's family does.
* You put "I Did That!" stickers on all the gas pumps in 2022, but are livid at the thought that Amazon or Walmart will point out how much Trump's tariffs are raising prices.
* It's unfair to call ICE the Gestapo just because they send masked thugs around to kidnap and deport people with no due process.
Until next time...
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Heil to the Criminal In Chief
Joe Biden and Kamala Harris inherited a cratered economy and a massive pandemic, with the supply disruptions causing massive inflation exacerbated by greedy corporations taking advantage of the situation to pad their bonuses. With quick action by a Democratic Congress, the economic crisis was ameliorated and vaccines were quickly and widely distributed.
So naturally, all the news could talk about was how the price of eggs was still too high and how old Biden was.
Donald Trump, meanwhile, was raided by the FBI for hiding stolen top secret document in his tacky golf resort's bathroom, found liable for sexual assault, and convicted of financial crimes by a New York court. So naturally he ran for President again and handily won the Republican nomination.
In June, Trump and Biden had their only debate; Biden's poor performance due to a head cold provoked mass panic in the Democratic constituencies, and of course the media piled on about how he was too old because of one debate performance, never mind Trump being only a couple of years younger, and constantly incoherently ranting about sharks, windmills causing cancer, immigrants eating pets, and fictional serial killer Hannibal Lector.
Shortly thereafter, Joe Biden became the first incumbent President since Lyndon Johnson in 1968 to drop out of the race, endorsing his Vice President, Kamala Harris. While the primaries were completed by that time, Biden's delegates overwhelmingly supported her, and party fundraising was massively energized.
Indeed, by late October, it looked like Biden had made the right choice. Harris's rallies were energetic and well attended. Trump's rallies felt like funerals, sparsely attended with this bored followers leaving early.
So naturally, the ticket of convicted felon, adjudicated rapist, and former failed president Donald Trump and supremely weird Ohio Senator JD Vance won a narrow victory that they claim was a mandate, because of course a Republican victory, no matter how small, is a mandate, while a Democratic victory, no matter how large, has to be tempered by reaching across the aisle and bipartisanship.
Yeah, that makes sense.
(No. 70 in an occasional series.)
* The Ever-Growing List of Family Values Republicans Who Have Been or Probably Someday Will Be Appointed to Public Office By Donald Trump:
Chuck Adair (NEW!)
Ali Alexander
Tim Ballard
Joe Barton
Brad Benson
Shawn Bergstrand
Mike Bickle
John Bizon
Lauren Boebert
Anthony Bouchard
Luke Bowen
Jared Micheal Boyce
Aaron Brink
David Byrd
Herman Cain
Scotty Campbell
Tucker Carlson
Madison Cawthorn
Lee Chatfield
Joshua Craft
Larry Craig
Chris DeJoseph
Steve DesJarlais
Anthony D’Esposito
Tudor Dixon
Jeff Duncan
Bobby Dyer
Joe Fain
Jerry Falwell Jr and the entire staff of Liberty University
Phillip Fisher Jr.
Mark Foley
Trent Franks
Neil Friske
Matt Gaetz
Will Gardner
Ben Gibson
Newt Gingrich
Phil Godlewski
Marjorie Taylor Greene
Eric Greitens
Joe Gruters
Rudy Guiliani
Sean Hannity
Gabrielle Hanson
Adam Hageman
Dennis Hastert
Rocky Hayes
Pete Hegseth (NEW!!!)
Ed Henry (NEW!!!)
Charles Herbster
Curtis Hill
Ray Holmberg
Perry Hooper Jr.
Duncan Hunter
Jeff Jansen
Daryl Johnson
Alex Jones
William Claude Jones (Proving it's not a recent phenomenon)
Gym Jordan
Randy Gene Kaufman
Brett Kavanaugh
RFK Jr
Bernard Kerik
Joshua Kindred
Joel Koskan
Nathan Larson
Anton Lazzaro
Corey Lewandowski
Kyle Lewter
Rush Limbaugh
Nancy Mace
Josh Mandell
Mike Maroney
Bud Marty May
Vance McAllister
Rich McCormick
John McEntee
Randy McNally
John Merrill
Jason Miller
Roy Moore
Bernie Moreno
Robert Morris
Brad Namdar
Walt Nauta
Jonathan Newel
Kristi Noem
Bill O'Reilly
Carl Paladino
Frank Pavone
Charles Peruto
Dennis Prager
Paul Pressler
Zachary Radcliff
Lawrence Ray
Tom Reed
Matthew Reilly
Kevin Rinke
Mark Robinson
Rick Roeber
Matt Rosendale
Chad Micheal Salsman
Robert Samuel
Bill Sanderson
Mark Sanford
George Santos
Matt Schlapp
Cameron Sexton
Alek Skarlatos
Melvin Slack
Bryan Slaton
Ken Starr(!!!),
Kent Stermond
Sarah Stogner
Roger Stone
David Stringer
Charles Sutherland
Donald "Whitey" Taylor
Van Taylor
Clarence Thomas
David Todeschini
Donald Trump Jr. (Shocking, I know, right?)(NEW!!)
Beth Van Duyne
Ruben Verastigui
David Vitter
Aaron von Ehlinger
Marty Decole Wagner
Herschel Walker
Jesse Watters
Dana White
Royce White
Steve Wynn
Christian and Bridget Ziegler
More Reposts and Updates:
* "There is a mandate" = Republicans won the last election, no matter how small the vote margin (or even if, like in 2000 and 2016, they didn't actually get the most votes). "Be bipartisan and don't overreach" = Democrats won the last election, no matter how large the vote margin. (#18, April 2015)
Trump's second Attorney General pick reminds us:
* A woman who was bribed by Donald Trump has the moral authority to call anyone else "corrupt". (#45, Oct 2020)
and
* You think it's smart politics to defend Donald Trump from charges of soliciting bribes from Ukraine by hiring a state attorney general that Trump had previously bribed. (#42, Feb 2020)
and
* Bribery: NOT taking money from Donald Trump. (#26, Nov 2016)
Just another one of Trumps "Best People" of course.
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* "The Party of Law And Order" thinks it's a good idea to shut down the FBI.
* They also thought, at least briefly, that it might be a good idea to put an alleged pedophile with no prosecutorial experience in the Attorney General's office.
Almost verbatim from Art Candee on Bluesky:
* Professional wrestling is real. The allegations that Linda McMahon and her husband Vince covered up sexual assault are fake.
* If the government had shut down in December 2024 because the Republican not-yet-inaugurated president-elect and an unelected foreign businessman told the Republican-lead House to kill the bipartisan funding bill, it would clearly be the Democrats' fault.
* You complain about Americans being lazy and "venerating mediocrity". You supported George W. Bush and are an enthusiastic supporter of Donald Trump.
* A man who could give every man, woman, and child in the United States $1000 and still have tens of billions of dollars left can accuse everyone else of "too much prosperity" with a straight face.
* Getting no punishment after being convicted of thirty-four felonies: "treated very unfairly"
Well, actually he's right on that one, but in the complete opposite way that he thinks.
Until next time, if we're not in the gulags yet.
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: VOTE!!!
If you're on this site, you know the stakes.
It's crunch time.
It's appropriate that I release the sixty-ninth installment of this occasional look at right wing doublethink now.
Because if we don't win, we probably will be getting it at both ends.
The Evergrowing But Only On One Side Democrat vs GOP Pervert Tally
Degenerate Perverts Unfit For Public Life:
Cal Cunningham
John Conyers
Andrew Cuomo
John Edwards
Elliot Spitzer
Anthony Wiener
Great Americans Who Believe In Family Values And Deserve A "Mulligan" or Two Or Three:
Ali Alexander
Tim Ballard
Joe Barton
Brad Benson
Shawn Bergstrand
Mike Bickle
John Bizon
Lauren Boebert
Anthony Bouchard
Luke Bowen
Jared Micheal Boyce
Aaron Brink
David Byrd
Herman Cain
Scotty Campbell
Tucker Carlson
Madison Cawthorn
Lee Chatfield
Joshua Craft
Larry Craig
Chris DeJoseph
Steve DesJarlais
Anthony D’Esposito (NEW!)
Tudor Dixon
Jeff Duncan
Bobby Dyer
Joe Fain
Jerry Falwell Jr and the entire staff of Liberty University
Phillip Fisher Jr.
Mark Foley
Trent Franks
Neil Friske
Matt Gaetz
Will Gardner
Ben Gibson
Newt Gingrich
Phil Godlewski
Marjorie Taylor Greene
Eric Greitens
Joe Gruters
Rudy Guiliani
Sean Hannity
Gabrielle Hanson
Adam Hageman
Dennis Hastert
Rocky Hayes
Charles Herbster
Curtis Hill
Ray Holmberg
Perry Hooper Jr.
Duncan Hunter
Jeff Jansen
Daryl Johnson
Alex Jones
William Claude Jones (Proving it's not a recent phenomenon)
Gym Jordan
Randy Gene Kaufman
Brett Kavanaugh
RFK Jr (Hey, he's not running as a Democrat, and he's basically trying to help Trump get elected, I'm counting him!)
Bernard Kerik
Joshua Kindred
Joel Koskan
Nathan Larson
Anton Lazzaro
Corey Lewandowski
Kyle Lewter
Rush Limbaugh
Nancy Mace
Josh Mandell
Mike Maroney (NEW!)
Bud Marty May
Vance McAllister
Rich McCormick
John McEntee (NEW!)
Randy McNally
John Merrill
Jason Miller
Roy Moore
Bernie Moreno
Robert Morris
Brad Namdar
Walt Nauta
Jonathan Newel
Kristi Noem
Bill O'Reilly
Carl Paladino
Frank Pavone
Charles Peruto
Dennis Prager
Paul Pressler
Zachary Radcliff (NEW!)
Lawrence Ray
Tom Reed
Matthew Reilly
Kevin Rinke
Mark Robinson (NEW!)
Rick Roeber
Matt Rosendale
Chad Micheal Salsman
Robert Samuel (NEW!)
Bill Sanderson
Mark Sanford
George Santos
Matt Schlapp
Cameron Sexton
Alek Skarlatos
Melvin Slack
Bryan Slaton
Ken Starr(!!!),
Kent Stermond
Sarah Stogner
Roger Stone
David Stringer
Charles Sutherland
Donald "Whitey" Taylor (NEW!)
Van Taylor
Clarence Thomas
David Todeschini
Donald Trump
Beth Van Duyne
Ruben Verastigui
David Vitter
Aaron von Ehlinger
Marty Decole Wagner
Herschel Walker
Jesse Watters
Dana White
Royce White
Steve Wynn
Christian and Bridget Ziegler
More Reposts and Updates:
* It's Democrats' fault that Republicans keep trying to shoot Trump with weapons that Democrats want to regulate.
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* Crime has been worse during the Biden Presidency.
* You're mad that the terrorist-coddling child-eating pedophile communist anti-white Jewish space lizards are calling you "weird".
* Not disqualifying for being president: adjudicated rape and financial fraud convictions. Disqualifying for being president: eating Doritos.
* A Republican leading the polls by 1% is a massive lead. A Democrat leading the polls by 5% is a narrow lead.
* There should be less books and more guns in school.
* You can deride Taylor Swift as being "a billionaire celebrity who is fundamentally disconnected from the interests and problems of most Americans" while enthusiastically supporting Donald Trump.
* The idea that billions of humans dumping poisons and greenhouse gasses into the atmosphere can somehow affect the conditions on Earth in any way is ridiculous. The idea that a few secretive mad Jewish scientists are controlling the weather with machines makes sense.
Related, direct from a meme:
* If a hurricane hits a blue state, it's because God hates gays. If a hurricane hits a red state, it's because Democrats control the weather.
* Children's privacy must be protected by installing peeping windows into children's restrooms.
* Barak Obama out campaigning for Kamala Harris clearly means that Obama is voting for Donald Trump.
Until next time.
If there is one.
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Flipping The Table
Boy, a lot's happened since I last posted one of these silly lists back in May.
So because Joe Biden had a cold and thus turned in a lackluster appearance at the first debate with The Orange Felon, despite the fact that by all metrics Biden completely creamed the criminal on substance, the Democratic Party nevertheless freaked out and the rich donors and cryptoscammers started screaming for him to drop out. I thought that would be utterly insane.
And then he dropped out. "Oh no...the rich assholes and cryptocreeps have won...we are so screwed" was my reaction. But Biden simultaneously endorsed Vice President Kamala Harris to take his place as the nominee.
And the reaction was electric.
Hey, remember how the Republicans based their entire 2024 Presidential campaign on "Don't pay any attention to all that Project 2025 stuff---JOE BIDEN IS OLD!!!"
Now who's the old one? Now who's getting large, excited crowds? Who's still speaking nonsense about Hannibal Lector and "adlingthin" "non-incumpenentguu" while the other is talking about a better future? Which one is a former prosecutor and which one is an adjudicated rapist and convicted felon?
I definitely like the way this thing is going.
So a few entries in my occasional snarky look at right wing doublethink are already dated, but that's okay.
(No. 68 in an occasional series.)
Well, only took a week for this one to get put on the list as usual...(Played with the format a bit, mostly to make it easier on me at update time)
The Evergrowing But Only On One Side Democrat vs GOP Pervert Tally
Degenerate Perverts Unfit For Public Life:
Cal Cunningham
John Conyers
Andrew Cuomo
John Edwards
Katie Hill
Elliot Spitzer
Anthony Wiener
Great Americans Who Believe In Family Values And Deserve A "Mulligan" or Two Or Three:
Ali Alexander
Tim Ballard
Joe Barton
Brad Benson
Shawn Bergstrand
Mike Bickle
John Bizon
Lauren Boebert
Anthony Bouchard
Luke Bowen
Jared Micheal Boyce
Aaron Brink
David Byrd
Herman Cain
Scotty Campbell
Tucker Carlson
Madison Cawthorn
Lee Chatfield
Joshua Craft
Larry Craig
Chris DeJoseph
Steve DesJarlais
Tudor Dixon
Jeff Duncan
Bobby Dyer
Joe Fain
Jerry Falwell Jr and the entire staff of Liberty University
Phillip Fisher Jr.
Mark Foley
Trent Franks
Neil Friske (NEW!)
Matt Gaetz
Will Gardner
Ben Gibson
Newt Gingrich
Phil Godlewski
Marjorie Taylor Greene
Eric Greitens
Joe Gruters
Rudy Guiliani
Sean Hannity
Gabrielle Hanson
Adam Hageman
Dennis Hastert
Rocky Hayes
Charles Herbster
Curtis Hill
Ray Holmberg (NEW!)
Perry Hooper Jr.
Duncan Hunter
Jeff Jansen
Daryl Johnson
Alex Jones
William Claude Jones (Proving it's not a recent phenomenon)
Gym Jordan
Randy Gene Kaufman
Brett Kavanaugh
RFK Jr (Hey, he's not running as a Democrat, and he's basically trying to help Trump get elected, I'm counting him!)
Bernard Kerik
Joshua Kindred (NEW!)
Joel Koskan
Nathan Larson
Anton Lazzaro
Corey Lewandowski
Kyle Lewter
Rush Limbaugh
Nancy Mace
Josh Mandell
Bud Marty May
Vance McAllister
Rich McCormick (NEW!)
Randy McNally
John Merrill
Jason Miller
Roy Moore
Bernie Moreno
Robert Morris (NEW!)
Brad Namdar
Walt Nauta
Jonathan Newel
Kristi Noem
Bill O'Reilly
Carl Paladino
Frank Pavone
Charles Peruto
Dennis Prager
Paul Pressler (ADDED)
Lawrence Ray
Tom Reed
Matthew Reilly
Kevin Rinke
Rick Roeber
Matt Rosendale
Chad Micheal Salsman
Bill Sanderson
Mark Sanford
George Santos
Matt Schlapp
Cameron Sexton
Alek Skarlatos
Melvin Slack
Bryan Slaton
Ken Starr(!!!),
Kent Stermond
Sarah Stogner
Roger Stone
David Stringer
Charles Sutherland
Van Taylor
Clarence Thomas
David Todeschini
Donald Trump
Beth Van Duyne (NEW!)
Ruben Verastigui
David Vitter
Aaron von Ehlinger
Marty Decole Wagner
Herschel Walker
Jesse Watters
Dana White (NEW!)
Royce White (NEW!)
Steve Wynn
Christian and Bridget Ziegler
More Reposts and Updates:
* You admire fictional cannibal serial killers. (#65, Nov 2023)
* Democrats are the ones committing voter fraud. (#50, Aug 2021)
* Celebrities should know their place and not get involved in political discussions. Exceptions: Gene Simmons, Ted Nugent, Kid Rock, Victoria Jackson, Dennis Miller, Scott Baio, Chuck Norris, Chuck Woolery, Ronald Reagan, and Donald Trump. (#45, Oct. 2020)
* Abortion is an absolute wrong even in cases of rape, incest, or to protect the life of the woman carrying the fetus. Abortion is permissible when the woman carrying the fetus is the wife, girlfriend, mistress, or daughter of a pro-life, family values Republican politician.(#10, Nov 2012)
* You're a billionaire "Free Speech Absolutist" for racists, transphobes, and seditionists, but not for your own employees, people who make fun of you, journalists who accurately cover your screw-ups, advocates of politican candidates you oppose, and advertisers who AREN'T giving you money. (#57, Sept. 2022)
* Criticism of a war veteran is disgusting and offensive. Exceptions: Max Cleland, Tammy Duckworth, John Kerry, John McCain, Alexander Vindman,Pete Buttigieg, Conor Lamb, Mark Milley, Colin Powell, Tim Walz. and Barry McCaffrey (#20, Oct. 2015)
Which also reminds us...
* Bill Clinton was a draft dodger for not serving in Vietnam. But it was okay for John Bolton, Pat Buchanan, George W. and Jeb Bush, Dick Cheney, Tom Delay, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, Dan Quayle, Willard Mitt Romney, Tom Tancredo, Clarence Thomas, andDonald Trump to not go. (#1, November 2010)
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* Someone who married his own cousin has room to call anyone else "trailer trash".
* Climate change will go away if you refuse to talk about it.
* "Morality": Publicly groping a man you're not married to.
* Disqualifying to run for President: Having a cold. Not disqualifying to run for President: Thirty-four convictions of financial fraud and being found liable for sexual assault.
* It's Democrats' fault that a registered Republican tried to shoot Trump with a weapon that Democrats want to regulate.
* "Everyday American": Multi-billionaire owner of a home builder supply chain.
* You complained about having to wear a mask during a pandemic, but willingly put bandages over your uninjured ear.
* The party that nominated a convicted felon to be president is the "Law and Order" party. The party that nominated a former prosecutor is not.
* It's not fair that everyone thinks the Republican Party is racist, which is why it's a total coincidence that party leaders have to tell members to stop saying racist things.
* You rail about (white) women being "childless cat ladies while also wanting to ban invitro fertilization.
* Things to be upset about: Drag queens at the Olympics. Things to not be upset about: A rapist and felon major party presidential candidate openly wanting to end democracy.
* Only pay attention to the phony polls that show Trump winning.
* Kamala Harris hates Jewish people even though she's married to one. Donald Trump can't be antisemitic because the daughter he lusts after converted to Judiasm and married a Jewish man.
* Convicted felons should be prohibited from voting, but it's okay if they run for president.
Until next time!
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Powerful Crime, Illegal Adlingthin
Hey folks, as the trial over someone's Powerful Crimes and Illegal Adlingthin continues, election season heats up, and the DU journals are working again, howsabout another look into the world of right wing doublethink?
(No. 67 in an occasional series.)
The Evergrowing But Only On One Side Democrat vs GOP Pervert Tally
* Degenerate Perverts Unfit For Public Life: Cal Cunningham, John Conyers, Andrew Cuomo, John Edwards, Katie Hill, Elliot Spitzer, Anthony Wiener; Great Americans Who Believe In Family Values And Deserve A "Mulligan" or Two Or Three: Ali Alexander, Tim Ballard ., Joe Barton, Brad Benson, Shawn Bergstrand, Mike Bickle ., John Bizon, Lauren Boebert, Anthony Bouchard, Luke Bowen, Jared Micheal Boyce, Aaron Brink , David Byrd, Herman Cain, Scotty Campbell, Tucker Carlson, Madison Cawthorn, Lee Chatfield, Joshua Craft, Larry Craig, Chris DeJoseph, Steve DesJarlais, Tudor Dixon, Jeff Duncan, Bobby Dyer, Joe Fain, Jerry Falwell Jr and the entire staff of Liberty University, Phillip Fisher Jr., Mark Foley, Trent Franks .,Matt Gaetz, Will Gardner, Ben Gibson, Newt Gingrich, Phil Godlewski , Marjorie Taylor Greene, Eric Greitens, Joe Gruters, Rudy Guiliani, Adam Hageman, Sean Hannity, Gabrielle Hanson ., Dennis Hastert, Rocky Hayes, Charles Herbster, Curtis Hill, Perry Hooper Jr., Duncan Hunter, Jeff Jansen, Daryl Johnson , Alex Jones, Gym Jordan, Randy Gene Kaufman, Brett Kavanaugh, Bernard Kerik, Joel Koskan, Nathan Larson, Anton Lazzaro, Corey Lewandowski, Kyle Lewter (NEW!), Rush Limbaugh, Nancy Mace, Josh Mandell, Bud Marty May, Vance McAllister, Randy McNally, John Merrill, Jason Miller, Roy Moore, Bernie Moreno (NEW!), Brad Namdar, Walt Nauta, Jonathan Newel, Kristi Noem, Bill O'Reilly, Carl Paladino, Frank Pavone, Charles Peruto, Dennis Prager , Lawrence Ray, Tom Reed, Matthew Reilly , Kevin Rinke, Rick Roeber, Matt Rosendale (NEW!), Chad Micheal Salsman, Bill Sanderson, Mark Sanford, George Santos, Matt Schlapp, Cameron Sexton, Alek Skarlatos, Melvin Slack, Bryan Slaton, Ken Starr(!!!), Kent Stermond, Sarah Stogner, Roger Stone, David Stringer, Charles Sutherland, Van Taylor, Clarence Thomas, David Todeschini, Donald Trump, Ruben Verastigui, David Vitter, Aaron von Ehlinger, Marty Decole Wagner , Herschel Walker, Jesse Watters, Steve Wynn, Christian and Bridget Ziegler (#32, Feb. 2018)
And as a bonus, proving that conservative moral hypocrisy isn't a new phenomenon: William Claude Jones
More Reposts and Updates:
* Celebrities like Taylor Swift should know their place and not get involved in political discussions. Exceptions: Gene Simmons, Ted Nugent, Kid Rock, Victoria Jackson, Dennis Miller, Scott Baio, Chuck Norris, Chuck Woolery, Diamond&Silk, Ronald Reagan, and Donald Trump. (#45, Oct. 2020)
* It's "completely unfair" for the government to forgive student loan debt, but not that of companies owned by "free market" Republicans or their spouses. (#57, Sept. 2022)
* There's nothing wrong with fourteen year olds getting married. (#37, March 2019)
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* On the word of an indicted sexual predator, you vote against the bill you yourself helped write and gives Republicans everything they've been saying they want on border security (short of filling the Rio Grande with nuclear alligators, of course).
From Threads via applegrove:
* The relationship between Fani Willis and Nathan Wade is a conflict of interest; the relationship between Clarence Thomas and Ginni Thomas is not.
* Rainbow flags should be outlawed but Confederate battle flags must be protected.
* You're concerned about TikTok being "foreign propaganda" because you saw Fox News report scary stories about it.
* You race to buy a Bible from Donald Trump, just like the one he held upside down after having priests teargassed.
* The Gonzaga basketball team is composed solely of illegal immigrants.
* You're mad that Ronna Romney McDaniel, who was fired from the RNC, was subsequently fired by NBC. And agree with Fox New calling it "an ideologically slanted network".
* You're so disgusted and horrified by the Arizona Supreme Court's upholding of a Nineteenth Century abortion ban that you thwart efforts to repeal it. Well, until you realize a week or two later that you'll get murdered at the polls if you don't vote to repeal it.
* Offensive to "Family Values™": Gay marriage. No problem with "Family Values™": Marrying your first cousin.
* The Secretary of Homeland Security must be impeached for failing to do the job you refuse to let him do.
* You think Joe Biden is too old and infirm to continue as President; you think it's unfair that Donald Trump has to sit up straight and pay attention in court every day.
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Peace Through Non-Incumpenentguu
Peace Through Non-IncumpenentguuYeah, not all that much worse than anything else he's ever said. You know things are going bad for The Orange Antichrist when he's getting so senile and demented, and Joe Biden's economy is doing so well, that the "liberal" media is actually starting to report on Trump being incoherent and the economy doing well. They're reporting those things grudgingly, of course, because the news guys want their horse race and their bosses want more big dumb tax cuts, but it may be starting to seep in.
So howsabout we go down Route 66* for a look at the latest in MAGA Doublethink?
*-Because it's the 66th installment of this irregular series, of course!
The Evergrowing But Only On One Side Democrat vs GOP Pervert Tally
* Degenerate Perverts Unfit For Public Life: Cal Cunningham, John Conyers, Andrew Cuomo, John Edwards, Katie Hill, Elliot Spitzer, Anthony Wiener; Great Americans Who Believe In Family Values And Deserve A "Mulligan" or Two Or Three: Ali Alexander, Tim Ballard ., Joe Barton, Brad Benson (NEW!), Shawn Bergstrand, Mike Bickle ., John Bizon, Lauren Boebert, Anthony Bouchard, Luke Bowen, Jared Micheal Boyce, Aaron Brink , David Byrd, Herman Cain, Scotty Campbell, Tucker Carlson, Madison Cawthorn, Lee Chatfield, Joshua Craft, Larry Craig, Chris DeJoseph, Steve DesJarlais, Tudor Dixon, Jeff Duncan, Bobby Dyer, Joe Fain, Jerry Falwell Jr and the entire staff of Liberty University, Phillip Fisher Jr. (NEW!), Mark Foley, Trent Franks .,Matt Gaetz, Will Gardner, Ben Gibson, Newt Gingrich, Phil Godlewski , Marjorie Taylor Greene, Eric Greitens, Joe Gruters, Rudy Guiliani, Adam Hageman, Sean Hannity, Gabrielle Hanson ., Dennis Hastert, Rocky Hayes, Charles Herbster, Curtis Hill, Perry Hooper Jr., Duncan Hunter, Jeff Jansen, Daryl Johnson , Alex Jones, Gym Jordan, Randy Gene Kaufman, Brett Kavanaugh, Bernard Kerik, Joel Koskan, Nathan Larson, Anton Lazzaro, Corey Lewandowski, Rush Limbaugh, Nancy Mace (NEW!), Josh Mandell, Bud Marty May, Vance McAllister, Randy McNally, John Merrill, Jason Miller (NEW!), Roy Moore, Brad Namdar, Walt Nauta (NEW!), Jonathan Newel, Kristi Noem, Bill O'Reilly, Carl Paladino, Frank Pavone, Charles Peruto, Dennis Prager , Lawrence Ray, Tom Reed, Matthew Reilly , Kevin Rinke, Rick Roeber, Chad Micheal Salsman, Bill Sanderson, Mark Sanford, George Santos, Matt Schlapp , Cameron Sexton, Alek Skarlatos, Melvin Slack, Bryan Slaton, Ken Starr(!!!), Kent Stermond, Sarah Stogner, Roger Stone, David Stringer, Charles Sutherland, Van Taylor, Clarence Thomas, David Todeschini, Donald Trump, Ruben Verastigui, David Vitter, Aaron von Ehlinger, Marty Decole Wagner , Herschel Walker, Jesse Watters (NEW!), Steve Wynn, Christian and Bridget Ziegler (NEW!) (#32, Feb. 2018)
Reposts and Updates:
Well, Democrats did quite well in the 2023 offyear elections. You know what tthat means...
* "There is a mandate" = Republicans won the last election, no matter how small the vote margin (or even if they didn't actually get the most votes). "Be bipartisan and don't overreach" = Democrats won the last election, no matter how large the vote margin. (#18, April 2015)
I thought about this one on Veterans Day when somebody posted something under Trump's name (I don't think it was actually him because there weren't enough all-caps words and he didn't call veterans "losers and suckers")
* Bill Clinton was a draft dodger for not serving in Vietnam. But it was okay for John Bolton, Pat Buchanan, George W. and Jeb Bush, Dick Cheney, Tom Delay, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, Dan Quayle, Willard Mitt Romney, Tom Tancredo, Clarence Thomas, and Donald Trump to not go. (#1, November 2010)
And of course, the recent release of more Jeffrey Epstein documents reminds us...
* Relevant: Jeffrey Epstein hung out with Bill Clinton a few times. Irrelevant: Jeffrey Epstein's twenty-year friendship with Donald Trump (#40, Sept 2019)
* Antifa attacked the US Capitol to overthrow an election that they won, which is why Trump wants to pardon them. (#50, Aug 2021)
* Jay Ashcroft, George HW Bush, George W Bush, Jeb Bush, Peter Doocy, Jerry Falwell Jr, Steve Forbes, Matt Gaetz, Connie Mack IV, Meghan McCain, Rand Paul, Willard Mitt Rmoney, Sarah Sanders, and Donald Trump are all self-made people and don't owe their success to anyone else's prior accomplishments. (#10, Nov. 2012)
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* While Republicans have spent the last few decades complaining about "absent fathers", when men actually spend time with their children Republicans think it's bad.
* Shortages of food and toilet paper and the most significant single-quarter contraction in over 70 years = "the greatest economy in our history" . Three years of solid job growth and an unemployment rate of 3.7%: Things are terrible and need to be "fixed".
Just another entry in the "And they think Joe Biden is the mentally addled one?" list
* It's a completely normal and healthy thing to mourn the death of your sister by whining on social media about being held to account for your many crimes.
* Teenagers always do what their parents tell them to.
* Your birth name is Rafael Edward, but prefer to go by "Ted". You want to make it illegal for people to use "preferred" names.
* You complain about Biden supposedly "weaponizing" the Department of Justice, the FBI, and the CIA, while simultaneously demanding the Department of Justice investigate a newspaper for writing a column critical of Donald Trump's totalitarian tendencies.
* Republican politicians don't have to obey Congressional subpoenas, but the children of Democratic politicians do.
* Not only is Santa Claus white, he also insists on whole milk.
* THE OPEN BORDER IS THE GREATEST CRISIS THAT HAS EVER FACED AMERICA!!! But it's not important enough to do anything about it if it means Joe Biden and Democrats could take any credit for it.
* Murdered schoolchildren are something you should "get over" in a few days, as opposed to seething with rage three years later over an election you lost.
* You support book banning except when YOUR books get banned.
* The presidential candidate who's been indicted four times, found liable of sexual assault, stole classified documents and (probably) sold them to Russia, and tried to overthrow our government is the candidate of law and order.
* Recovering a half billion dollars from rich tax cheats is bad.
* Democrats are pedophiles and Republicans protect children from pedophiles.
Just a sample: Here is the data from the latest 6375 cases, as of Jan 15, 2024 .
Religious Employment: 536 Transgender: 4 Drag Queen: 0
* Aborting a fetus even when it's going to be brain dead and/or kill the woman carrying it is still murder. Shooting immigrants coming across the border and killing them is not.
Until next time!
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Unspeakable Hypocrisy
So since the last exciting episode, Kevin McCarthy became the first Speaker of the House in history to be forcibly removed from office for being insufficiently dedicated to the House Terrorist Caucus's dedication to destroying the United States of America. They then promptly installed a soft-spoken nobody as Speaker of the House...though he clearly prefers to be thought of as Grand Wizard of the Happy Peoples Free Republic of Gilead. Yay.
So howasabout chapter sixty five in my occasional look at the dysfunctional worldview of right wing doublethink?
The Evergrowing But Only On One Side Democrat vs GOP Pervert Tally
* Degenerate Perverts Unfit For Public Life: Cal Cunningham, John Conyers, Andrew Cuomo, John Edwards, Katie Hill, Elliot Spitzer, Anthony Wiener; Great Americans Who Believe In Family Values And Deserve A "Mulligan" or Two Or Three: Ali Alexander, Tim Ballard (NEW!), Joe Barton, Shawn Bergstrand, Mike Bickle (NEW!), John Bizon, Lauren Boebert (UPDATED AGAIN!), Anthony Bouchard, Luke Bowen, Jared Micheal Boyce, Aaron Brink , David Byrd, Herman Cain, Scotty Campbell, Tucker Carlson, Madison Cawthorn, Lee Chatfield, Joshua Craft, Larry Craig, Chris DeJoseph, Steve DesJarlais, Tudor Dixon, Jeff Duncan (NEW!), Bobby Dyer, Joe Fain, Jerry Falwell Jr and the entire staff of Liberty University (ADDED!), Mark Foley, Trent Franks (NEW!),Matt Gaetz, Will Gardner, Ben Gibson, Newt Gingrich, Phil Godlewski , Marjorie Taylor Greene, Eric Greitens, Joe Gruters, Rudy Guiliani, Adam Hageman, Sean Hannity, Gabrielle Hanson (NEW!), Dennis Hastert, Rocky Hayes, Charles Herbster, Curtis Hill, Perry Hooper Jr., Duncan Hunter, Jeff Jansen, Daryl Johnson , Alex Jones, Gym Jordan, Randy Gene Kaufman, Brett Kavanaugh, Bernard Kerik, Joel Koskan, Nathan Larson, Anton Lazzaro, Corey Lewandowski, Rush Limbaugh, Josh Mandell, Bud Marty May, Vance McAllister, Randy McNally, John Merrill, Roy Moore, Brad Namdar, Jonathan Newel, Kristi Noem, Bill O'Reilly, Carl Paladino, Frank Pavone, Charles Peruto, Dennis Prager , Lawrence Ray, Tom Reed, Matthew Reilly , Kevin Rinke, Rick Roeber, Chad Micheal Salsman, Bill Sanderson, Mark Sanford, George Santos, Matt Schlapp, Cameron Sexton, Alek Skarlatos, Melvin Slack, Bryan Slaton, https://crooksandliars.com/2021/07/ken-starr-s-ex-mistress-reveals-whatKen
Starr](!!!), Kent Stermond, Sarah Stogner, Roger Stone, David Stringer, Charles Sutherland, Van Taylor, Clarence Thomas, David Todeschini, Donald Trump, Ruben Verastigui, David Vitter, Aaron von Ehlinger, Marty Decole Wagner , Herschel Walker, and Steve Wynn (#32, Feb. 2018)
And there's already been discussion about a pool to see how long it is until Mike Johnson joins this list.
Reposts and Updates:
Just remember this as the Republicans bleat about "strong defense" and "supporting the military":
* "Supporting the Troops": Blocking military promotions over unrelated social issues and making the Secretary of Defense work for free. (#62, Apr 2023)
* You're a patriotic, pro-military (but never served) Republican who calls our soldiers "woke" and "emasculated". (#49, May 2021)
* "Supporting The Troops" means calling them liars and denying them health care. while giving each other fist bumps. (#61, Mar 2023; #57, Sept 2022)
* Terrorist attacks (even successful ones) during a Republican administration proves we need strong, Republican leadership to fight terrorism. Terrorist attacks (even unsuccessful ones) during a Democratic administration prove we need strong, Republican leadership to fight terrorism. (#1, Nov 2010)
And this when they say they "support Israel":
* Criticizing Israel's treatment of Palestinians is anti-Semitic. Calling Jews evil, blood-drinking monsters with space lasers who want to replace whites with inferior brown people is not anti-Semitic. (#49, May 2021)
* The best way to keep America safe: cozy up to autocrats like Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un and terrorists like the Taliban and Hezbollah while alienating democracies and long-time allies like Canada, France, Germany, the UK, Japan, and Denmark (#34, Aug 2018)
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D) could not open an impeachment inquiry without a vote in the House, but (then) Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R) can.
* Alex Jones is too broke to pay the libel judgments against him, and that's proven by the fact he can only spend $93,000 a month on personal expenses.
Practically verbatim from Jeff Tiedrich:
* There should be no laws or restrictions on guns whatsoever, unless it's Hunter Biden, in which case he should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law for a minor infraction.
* A man who claims that Barak Obama is running for President in 2024 and that Joe Biden started World War II despite not having being born yet can call anyone else "cognitively impaired".
* When a "family values" Republican Congresswoman gets caught groping her boyfriend (who is not the husband she's divorcing) in public, it's clearly the media's fault.
* You criticize John Fetterman's fashion sense while showing dick pics and reading pornography during public hearings.
* Not important: Donald Trump trying to overthrow democracy and stealing classified documents. Important: World Naked Bike Ride.
* You would never vote for someone with a weird, foreign name like Barack Hussein Obama or Ilhan Omar, but have no problem voting for people with proper American names like Piyush Jindal and Nimarata Randhawa.
* The fact that Democrats are calling on Bob Menendez to resign while Republicans are ignoring or supporting Donald Trump and Lauren Boebert proves that both parties are the same.
Verbatim from Daily Kos's Bill in Portland Maine:
* Aid for rural folks who have fallen on tough times is helping real Americans pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Aid for urban folks who have fallen on tough times is encouraging inner-city moochers.
* You're angrier about Jamaal Bowman pulling a fire alarm than you are about George Santos's fraud, theft, and money laundering.
* It's Joe Biden's fault that our golf players suck.
* It's the Democrats' fault that we almost had the kind of government shutdown that only happens when Republicans run the House of Representatives.
* You court the votes of fictional cannibal serial killers.
* It's Joe Biden's fault that Ted Cruz and Rand Paul and others of the "national security" party put holds on the nominations of ambassadors and security officials.
From a comment on Crooks and Liars:
* It's perfectly normal for 8 Republicans to remove Speaker McCarthy, but it's treason for 20 Republicans not to support Gym Jordan for Speaker of the House.
* You're totally against porn unless it's helping a Family Values Republican? get elected.
* "Small Government": Banning "sex of any kind outside the marriage of one man and one woman."
* You disown your war veteran family member because Chickenhawk Sean Hannity doesn't like him.
* You don't believe in gay marriage, trans rights, and abortion because they aren't "Christian", instead preferring the "Creation Therapy" theory devised from the writings of the great Christian philosopher Hippocrates.
* Corruption on the Supreme Court is good.
Until next time!
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Finding Out
There's an old saying that goes "Fuck around and find out"..in a bit of irony, at least according to Quora, "It was originally a saying in pro 2nd amendment, libertarian and biker circles."
Two and a half years ago the Proud Boys and Trump fans (but I repeat myself) fucked around. And now they're finding out
So anyway, time for another of my sporadic compilations (No.64) of right wing cognitive dissonance and doublethink.
The Democrat vs GOP Pervert Tally
* Degenerate Perverts Unfit For Public Life: Cal Cunningham, John Conyers, Andrew Cuomo, John Edwards, Katie Hill, Elliot Spitzer, Anthony Wiener; Great Americans Who Believe In Family Values And Deserve A "Mulligan" or Two Or Three: Ali Alexander, Joe Barton, Shawn Bergstrand, John Bizon, Jayson Boebert, Lauren Boebert (UPDATED AGAIN!), Anthony Bouchard, Luke Bowen, Jared Micheal Boyce, Aaron Brink , David Byrd, Herman Cain, Scotty Campbell, Tucker Carlson, Madison Cawthorn, Lee Chatfield, Joshua Craft, Larry Craig, Chris DeJoseph, Steve DesJarlais, Tudor Dixon, Bobby Dyer, Joe Fain, Jerry Falwell Jr, Mark Foley, Matt Gaetz, Will Gardner, Ben Gibson, Newt Gingrich, Phil Godlewski , Marjorie Taylor Greene, Eric Greitens, Joe Gruters, Rudy Guiliani, Sean Hannity, Adam Hageman, Dennis Hastert, Rocky Hayes, Charles Herbster, Curtis Hill, Perry Hooper Jr., Duncan Hunter, Jeff Jansen, Daryl Johnson (NEW!), Alex Jones, Gym Jordan, Randy Gene Kaufman, Brett Kavanaugh, Bernard Kerik, Joel Koskan, Nathan Larson, Anton Lazzaro, Corey Lewandowski, Rush Limbaugh, Josh Mandell, Bud Marty May, Vance McAllister, Randy McNally, John Merrill, Roy Moore, Brad Namdar, Jonathan Newel, Kristi Noem, Bill O'Reilly, Carl Paladino, Frank Pavone, Charles Peruto, Dennis Prager (NEW!), Lawrence Ray, Tom Reed, Matthew Reilly (NEW!), Kevin Rinke, Rick Roeber, Chad Micheal Salsman, Bill Sanderson, Mark Sanford, George Santos, Matt Schlapp, Cameron Sexton, Alek Skarlatos, Melvin Slack, Bryan Slaton, Ken Starr(!!!), Kent Stermond, Sarah Stogner, Roger Stone, David Stringer, Charles Sutherland, Van Taylor, Clarence Thomas, David Todeschini, Donald Trump, Ruben Verastigui, David Vitter, Aaron von Ehlinger, Marty Decole Wagner (NEW!), Herschel Walker, and Steve Wynn (#32, Feb. 2018)
Reposts and Updates:
* You mistrust the Coronavirus vaccine (developed during the Trump Administration!) endorsed by the entire medical establishment, and instead trust horse dewormer, silver that turns your skin blue, eating dirt, injecting ozone up your ass, or literally drinking their own piss if they're endorsed by Fox News and a few cranks with Youtube channels. (#51, Oct 2021)
* Enslavement, lynchings, and segregation were "gifts" (#40, Sept 2019)
* Democrats are the ones voting fraudulently. (#50, Aug 2021)
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* The best way to fight allegations of corruption is to make it harder to investigate your crimes.
* You keep decrying "cancel culture" while now wanting to cancel Disney, Target, and Chik-Fil-A.
* The Covid vaccine will kill everybody by May 23, 2023.
* No one is above the law unless he's deeply loved by the voters you're trying to convince to support you.
* Donald Trump convinced Saudi Arabia to cut oil production back when he was president, so it's Joe Biden's fault gas is more expensive than it should be.
* It's Joe Biden's fault that a bunch of billionaires died while joyriding to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean.
Personally, I think it's hilarious that the company that did the expensive joyride is called OceanGate Expeditions. The "scandal" has named itself!!!
* Mount Rushmore is a demonic portal.
Well, yeah, sure. It has those RINOs Abe Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt on it, right? And no Donald Trump!!!
* You're offended by Buddhist imagery in a Chinese restaurant.
* To counter criticism that Republicans don't care about safety, you support proposals to allow roads to be made of radioactive waste.
I mean, if the roads glow in the dark, that means they're safer, right?
Verbatim from Mastodon:
* Selling a cake to a gay person is participating in the marriage, but selling a gun to a shooter isn't participating in a murder.
* Only people with children should vote.
* You show your July 4th patriotism by posting the Liberian flag.
* Newest threat to America: The Barbie Movie.
* Latest capital crime: Flying a rainbow flag.
* You worry about drag queen story hours "sexualizing children", but are fine with child beauty pageants.
* Antisemitism is clearly the fault of those who fight antisemitism.
* It's Chuck Schumer's fault that a Republican Senator is throwing a fit and preventing military promotions.
Until next time!
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Simply The Worst
The late music legend Tina Turner had a song called "Simply the Best". And she was the best. In a sort of tribute to her, the title of this look into the world of right wing hypocrisy is called, appropriately enough, "Simply the Worst". Because Donald Trump, Ron DeSantis, and Kevin McCarthy are, indeed, the worst.
(Heh. My spellcheck doesn't like "DeSantis", and wants to correct it to "dentist". Look, I know one of those people is a sadist who enjoys inflicting pain on people and claiming it's for their own good, but the other one is there to help you take care of your teeth and doesn't deserve the comparison.)
(No. 63 in an occasional series. Collect them all until I restart with a cynical new No.1 just to temporarily goose sales!)
Reposts and Updates:
* Women < Children < Guns (#62, Apr 2023)
There's a virtual bumper crop of new perverts for this list!
* Degenerate Perverts Unfit For Public Life: Cal Cunningham, John Conyers, Andrew Cuomo, John Edwards, Al Franken, Katie Hill, Elliot Spitzer, Anthony Wiener; Great Americans Who Believe In Family Values And Deserve A "Mulligan" or Two Or Three: Ali Alexander (NEW!), Joe Barton, Shawn Bergstrand (NEW!), John Bizon, Jayson Boebert, Lauren Boebert (UPDATED), Anthony Bouchard, Luke Bowen, Jared Micheal Boyce (NEW!), Aaron Brink , David Byrd (NEW!), Herman Cain, Scotty Campbell (NEW!), Tucker Carlson, Madison Cawthorn, Lee Chatfield, Joshua Craft (NEW!), Larry Craig, Chris DeJoseph, Steve DesJarlais, Tudor Dixon, Bobby Dyer, Joe Fain, Jerry Falwell Jr, Mark Foley, Matt Gaetz, Will Gardner, Ben Gibson, Newt Gingrich, Phil Godlewski , Marjorie Taylor Greene, Eric Greitens, Joe Gruters, Rudy Guiliani, Sean Hannity, Adam Hageman, Dennis Hastert, Rocky Hayes, Charles Herbster, Curtis Hill, Perry Hooper Jr., Duncan Hunter, Jeff Jansen, Alex Jones, Gym Jordan, Randy Gene Kaufman, Brett Kavanaugh, Bernard Kerik, Joel Koskan, Nathan Larson, Anton Lazzaro, Corey Lewandowski, Rush Limbaugh, Josh Mandell, Bud Marty May, Vance McAllister, Randy McNally, https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2021/4/7/2024873/-In-a-span-of-hours-Alabama-Republican-goes-from-denying-an-affair-to-apologizing-for-itJohn Merrill, Roy Moore, Brad Namdar, Jonathan Newel, Kristi Noem, Bill O'Reilly, Carl Paladino, Frank Pavone, Charles Peruto, Lawrence Ray, Tom Reed, Kevin Rinke, Rick Roeber, Chad Micheal Salsman, Bill Sanderson, Mark Sanford, George Santos, Matt Schlapp, Cameron Sexton (NEW!), Alek Skarlatos, Melvin Slack, Bryan Slaton (NEW!), Ken Starr(!!!), Kent Stermond, Sarah Stogner, Roger Stone, David Stringer, Charles Sutherland, Van Taylor, Clarence Thomas, David Todeschini, Donald Trump (UPDATED!!!!), Ruben Verastigui], David Vitter, Aaron von Ehlinger, Herschel Walker, and Steve Wynn (#32, Feb. 2018)
* No right to privacy: Women and their own body parts. Absolute right to privacy: Supreme Court Justice blatantly taking bribes from a billionaire. (#56 , July 2022)
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* You justify expelling two members of the Tennessee Legislature over gun reform protests by comparing them to the January 6th insurrection even as you decry arresting and punishing the actual January 6th insurrectionists.
The "Law and Order" party, everyone!!! And also...
* Being a member of the "Law and Order" party means pardoning murderers if they killed protesters you don't agree with and supporting a sex abuser.
* You whine about greedy, overpaid workers while collecting a $1.29 million bonus.
* You're worried about necromancers corrupting our children.
* "Basically Normal Stuff": Internet posts full of anti-Semitic, homophobic, and racist threats of violence.
* Tucker Carlson fights pedophiles.
* Roy Wood hates black people.
Of course, that was said by a Cuban who was born in Canada and hates Latinx immigrants, so take that as you will.
* You're offended when fictional alien robots, who don't reproduce sexually anyway, identify as nonbinary.
When you're doing something so bigoted that Megatron won't agree with it, you really need to rethink your life.
* Ron DeSantis fighting with Disney is good for Florida.
* Drag queens are disgusting perverts and pedophiles except when they date prominent "Family Values" Republican politicians.
* Raising the debt ceiling when a Republican is president: routine matter. Raising the debt ceiling when a Democrat is President: hostage situation.
* You hate being called anti-Semitic, but when someone tries to actually fight anti-Semitism you deride it as wanting to "go after conservatives".
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